If you haven't seen it already, here is the Denver coach reminding his players last night that "all we're trying to do is win the motherfucking game." Guess he forgot to tell them that during their recent four-game losing streak. Anyway, it's all good. The announcers apologized immediately and today the Network offered up a hilarious apology, where an executive producer admitted that his team made a "terrible mistake," while simultaneously marveling at how awesome their microphones are. You can hear everything! You should definitely call your cable operator and subscribe today!

Also, Denver won the motherfucking game so keep up the smack talk, Josh. Swearing works, kids!

Josh McDaniels Just Wants to Win a Motherf–king Game! [The Last Angry Fan]
NFL Network: We Made 'Terrible Mistake' [Fanhouse]

* * * * *

Ok, that's enough for today. Go dig some leftovers out of the fridge and enjoy whatever college football and/or basketball you can find on TV tonight. Weed Against Barry will keep you company as usual this weekend.

We're thankful for your continued support of Holiday Deadspin. If you can find a video with a greater contrast between its peppy upbeat music and awkwardly depressing visuals, then post it below.

Twitter is aflame with rumors of an impending deal between the disgraced quarterback and the semi-disgraced team. He's been seen at the airport! He's at a hospital in Rochester! He's at One Bills Drive! He's in the back seat of your car! RadarOnline, that treasure trove NFL insider news has confirmed it .... EXCLUSIVE. Why won't you listen to me?

Is it because the Bills have said six times today that they are not interested in signing Vick? Or because there is no evidence that Vick is anywhere near any stop on the Erie Canal? Maybe you're just a puppet for The Man, because I get my news from the internet. Specifically, Rich Eisen.

That is crazy! Who would even hint at such a thing!

Oh. Right. (P.S. This is exactly the kind of thing ESPN's much-aligned "social media policy" is intended to avoid. This is why broadcasters can't have nice things.)

Anyway, all the rumors appear to be false—but that doesn't mean they won't someday be true! Give it enough time and anything can become a reality. At the very least Adam Schefter's brain might explode.

Bills say they are not in the Vick sweepstakes [AP]
Rich Eisen (richeisen) [Twitter]
Michael Vick: Bills call press conference, Vick related? [RotoWorld]
Rumors fly of Vick to Buffalo [PFT]
Could it really be? [KSK]

I wouldn't normally single out an individual opinion piece for criticism (because if anyone did that to me, I'd be ruined), but ... come on. Why would anyone defend Matt Millen? How could anyone defend Matt Millen? The thesis revolves around the fact that Millen has been hired to do color commentary for the NFL Network, which will keep him steadily employed by football despite that fact that he appears to know nothing about football. He is unquestionably the worst GM of all time. However, Banks is actually happy to seem him back in the booth and thinks his star will rise again, somehow rendering my previous sentence irrelevant.

His model for Millen's redemption? Richard Milhous Nixon.

I know it all sounds a bit preposterous right now, predicting a comeback before he's even done his penance. But when I think of Millen, I just get the feeling he's got a shot to become something of the Richard Nixon of the NFL, picking up the pieces of a colossal failure and re-emerging to prominence at some point in the future. Dare we say it, perhaps even an eventual return to power in some team's personnel department?

First of all, he has not served any penance. He was unemployed for two months and then his friends gave him a job. That's part of the problem. Second, let's clear up the matter of whether Matt Millen was a good broadcaster. May I quote the esteemed Dr. Magary?

The whole reason Matt Millen was laughed at when he started out in Detroit was because EVERYONE FUCKING HATED HIM AS A BROADCASTER. He took John Madden's broadcasting style and somehow managed to make even more inane, spawning a legion of similar broadcasters in the process. Wanna know where fucking Bill Maas came from? MILLEN. Mark fucking Schlereth? MILLEN. Any shithead analyst that has nothing to say outside of, "I tell you one thing, Eli Manning is a COMPETITOR"? MILLEN.

That's all Matt Millen's doing. Why the FUCK would anyone bring him back to TV, especially in light of what he did to the Lions? The man has all the credibility of fucking InventHelp. And anyone who tells you, "Hey, Millen was actually an okay broadcaster!" is fucking wrong.

Every word of that quote is true. (Especially the ones in all caps.) Millen led the revolution of Madden clones that infect our sports world today. Rising to the top of the Fox Sports chain is proof of mediocrity, not greatness. The most hated color men in baseball are Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan, Fox and ESPN's No. 1 guys respectfully. Millen was terrible. The end.

But back to Nixon. He was the vice-president in 1960, lost the presidential election to John Kennedy, lost a governor's race in 1962 and everyone assumed his political career was dead and buried. Then all of the sudden, it's 1969 and he's the President of the United States. An amazing turnaround, right?

Then he became the most corrupt and hated man to ever hold that office and was forced to resign in shame. Maybe Banks didn't read all the way to the end of the history book, but Nixon's second act was actually worse than the first one! If everyone had remembered in 1968 how awful the guy was in 1960, the world would be a better place right now.

When I said that Banks was comparing Millen to Nixon, didn't you assume he meant post-Watergate Nixon, since that historic debacle is the only thing that could possibly compare to the failure of the Detroit Lions? Nope. Banks is saying that Millen has even bigger failures ahead of him. Oh joy.

In the end, I quess I actually agree with Banks. I can see Millen resurrecting his career the way Nixon did ... and then he will perpetrate one of the worst crimes imaginable on the citizenry of this country. The ARE exactly alike. Millen proved it in his phone interview with Banks:

"You're not going to believe this,'' said Millen, laughing heartily. "But one of my favorite shirts I have — in fact, I have it on right now — has a picture of Dick Nixon on it,

The man is wearing a Richard Nixon shirt RIGHT NOW! It's his FAVORITE!! He's a Nixon BUFF!! GRAAHAHA CAPS LOCK!!! STOP DEFENDING THIS MAN!!!!

I hate you all so much right now.

Matt Millen tries to remake image after Detroit Lions debacle [Don Banks - SI]

Irvin, whose articulateness hovers just a shade above Emmit Smith's indecipherable verbal stylings, was seemingly just handed the job by NFL Network Executive Producer Eric Weinberger. When asked by Dallas Morning News writer Barry Horn if this latest stint was a possible audition for full-time work at the Network, Weinberger said, "Michael doesn't need to audition for anyone. We all know he's one of the most charismatic and hard-working talents out there."

We do?

Media Power Rankings [SI]
Hot Air: WNBA Brawl Attracts Attention But What About Viewers [Dallas Morning News]

Lane exploded onto the front page of the Post in May 2007 with a story headlined "Bikin-e-mails rattle TV wife." Lane says in the suit that she and Eisen were talking on the phone about a vacation she had taken with a mutual acquaintance. The suit says Eisen had asked her to e-mail photos but Lane had "felt embarrassed" because some were beach photos and because "they were taken without makeup, her hair was a mess, and she did not view the pictures as flattering."

Eisen reminded Lane of their friendship and "the level of comfort," so she sent them, she says. In a lighthearted response, the suit says, Eisen e-mailed Lane a photo of Baywatch's David Hasselhoff.

Oh, Rich. You cad. Regardless of how innocent the whole thing was, let's remember that Eisen's wife, Suzy Shuster, didn't think it was:

"Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you're doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it - it's working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I'll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it?"

She then provides her hubby's private e-mail, "since you surely are trying so hard to get his attention. I mean, what better way to get a guy's attention than with skin! Best - Suzy Shuster Eisen

Suzy Shuster will not be tussled with.Neither will Alycia Lane, apparently.

About the lawsuit allegations, however, Eisen, "respectfully declines comment." Can't say I blame him.

Alycia Lane Sues CBS3 [Inquirer]

Bikini emails rattle TV wife [NY Post]

Above is the greatest moment in "Inside The NFL" history, back when Dan Marino was still in "I'm a player and I'm pissed I never won the Super Bowl" mode. We miss that mode a little.

Everyone's all sad about it, but not really.

"It's like saying good-bye to an old friend," said HBO Sports president Ross Greenburg, who added the show still averages 2 million viewers per week but increasingly had trouble differentiating itself in a sports TV landscape vastly more crowded than it was in 1977. "It's been a hell of a run," he said. "No shame here, no bitterness, no anger, just a lot of pride."

If we may, we'd point out that when "Inside The NFL" started getting away from running highlights of every game, and instead started showing the same dumb "human interest" stories the other shows went with, that's when the show felt less vital. They should just show those clips. That was always enough. Alas, now they will be another network we can't get. Sigh.

HBO Pulls Plug On Long-Running "Inside The NFL" [Newsday]

You know that nasty fight still going on between the NFL and Comcast, over that whole NFL Network thing? Well, Guess who Specter's top campaign contributor is. That would be Comcast.

So let's review. Last week, Specter announced on radio and then in print that he may hold public hearings — on the taxpayer's dime — to find out why the NFL destroyed the videotapes at the center of the so-called "Spygate" scandal, in which the Patriots were fined and stripped of their No. 1 draft pick for breaking league rules about videotaping the New York Jets' sidelines and signals during a game. His announcement stirred up an embarassing story line for the NFL at the peak of its premier week, the Super Bowl where New England tried unsuccessfully to complete an unprecedented 19-0 season.

But what is the point, other than the above-mentioned embarrassment of the NFL and its commissioner Roger Goodell? True, destroying the tape wasn't the smartest PR move by the PR-savvy NFL, but the tape would show...what? That the Pats spied on the Jets?...that's already been acknowledged by everyone involved, which is why New England was hit with a fairly severe punishment by league standards. Meanwhile, Specter's No. 2 donor and the lobbying client of his No. 1 donor, Comcast, is still at odds with the NFL.

Ugh: We can't believe we just defended the NFL for something involving the NFL Network. We need a shower.

Arlen's Tangled Comcastic Mess: It's Worse Than You Think [Attytood]

The NFL has attempted to demand that cable networks carry their channel on their basic tier (like ESPN and ESPN2) rather than the sports tier (like ESPNews and Fox Soccer); the cable companies, quite understandably, have been hesitant. They're hesitant out of greed, of course, but also because the NFL Network is, despite the massiveness of the NFL, a niche network. And also because it has horrific production values and a lead broadcaster who appears never to have seen a football game before.

The NFL Network will have a ludicrous amount of non-game footage, but they had to cave, under governmental pressure, to simulcast the game. If the NFL Network eventually gives into a sports tier, and you have the network on cable next year, and the NFL loses its now two-year battle ... yesterday will be the day that war officially started being lost.

Technically, this is an elimination game for the NFC wild-card chase, but it's difficult to be too inspired by that; let's just go with the Storied Franchises label. It's the last hope for Redskins fans and Bears fans. Let's see how many names and football terms Bryant Gumbel gets wrong.

Anyway, it's the biggest NFC game of the season tonight, and millions of people won't be able to watch it. And those who can will be muting Bryant Gumbel. It's the Ice Bowl all over again, except it's warmer in Dallas, everyone's wearing appropriate protective gear and the players will have money to live off when they retire. Packers-Cowboys: Should be fun, if you're into that whole "fun" thing.

At meetings schedule for tomorrow, commissioner Roger Goodell is expected to come under some fire from his "bosses" over the perceived failure of the network.

The discussion that could cause the most angst regards the league's cable network, which lost a court ruling in May that allowed Comcast to move the Network from popular programming packages to a less widely distributed tier of sports channels. In the words of one high-ranking team executive: "We're down from being in nine million homes on one network to about 750,000. Frankly, it's embarrassing."

That embarrassment may lead to changes. Chief among those changes could be that the NFL Network will lose the package of Thursday and Saturday games it started broadcasting last year. The network is scheduled to show eight games this season, starting with the Atlanta Falcons playing host to the Indianapolis Colts on Thanksgiving night.

Yeah, whatever, figure it out, people. Some of us out here — you know, the people who are paying for all this — would like to buy your product, if you and the millionaires you're fighting with could just figure out a way to lend us the opportunity. Thanks.

Network Problems [Yahoo! Sports]

Some thoughts on an NFL Draft just passed.

• The NFL Network's coverage — we were fortunate enough to be outside New York City, where we could actually watch the network — was infinitely superior to the ESPN coverage. Frankly, it wasn't even close; the little "Team Needs" graphic at the bottom of the screen was oddly mesmerizing.

• That said, had we not watched ESPN's telecast, we would have never had the opportunity to stare, mouth agape, at whatever the hell has happened to Steve Young's face.

• Fortunately, Berman still had some fun.

• We received a pained text message from our man Mr. Daulerio after the Eagles traded up to pick that obscure quarterback in the second round. ("Reid has gotten into his son's heroin!") Eagles fans seem confused, but that's nothing new.

• Sadly, Lucious Pusey was not drafted.

Gumbel did claim (via Mister Irrelevant) that the belching wasn't him, but rather the NFL Network "had a mike open somewhere. We heard a couple of noises that were not of our doing, shall we say."

You know what? I'm not going to believe him. Not that I care, or feel like it's something that Bryant Gumbel would have any reason to be terribly embarrassed about, but you know ... if that was John Madden, no one would believe him. No one would believe Mark Schlereth, Paul Maguire, Brian Baldinger, or Bill Maas. And I'm not cutting Gumbel that slack because he has a pretty voice and wears glasses. I'm going to choose to believe that Bryant Gumbel ate three bratwursts and shotgunned a PBR during one commercial break. I believe he also broadcasted the entire second half with his pants unbuttoned, and his right hand tucked in his silk drawers, that belching prick.

Pro Football Talk Rumor Mill [Pro Football Talk]
Bryant Gumbel Burps On-Air (Twice) [Mister Irrelevant]

Fortunately, the NFL Network begins its weekly games Thanksgiving night, and it's a fun one: Denver at Kansas City. (We have a sneaking suspicion it might be the game Jake Plummer finally bottoms out.) So we'll be able to watch that ... no, wait, we can't! If you're a Time Warner subscriber, you still can't get the NFL Network, which means, unless you're local, you're going to be football-less Sunday night. Some think this is all just negotiating tactics, and they're probably right, but that doesn't change that there's still a chance they won't get the deal ready for tomorrow night. And that's a bit of a shame; it would be sad to miss the Plummer implosion.

NFL Bets You Will Pay More for (So-So) Football [Bloomberg]
NFL Network Starts Playing Hardball [Off Wing Opinion]

Here's some suggestions we have for other ways to capitalize on this:

• Scott Norwood (or Dan Marino, for that matter) at the Super Bowl.
• Chris Webber at the Final Four.
• Mike Tyson on Earth.
• Kobe Bryant at a hotel room, any hotel room.

NFL Net Turning New Leaf? [NY Post]

It seems like bad news for those of you who don't get the NFL network. But the good news is that if you call your cable company and bitch and cry like you're Terrell Owens, you'll probably be joined by enough people that they'll eventually have to listen to you. And then, like the rest of us, you'll be treated to about eleven hours a day of witty banter between Rod Woodson and Terrell Davis.

If I hear that the NFL is making a move to hire Paul Maguire, it may be time for me to leave this cruel world.

Source: NFL Network gets new P-B-P deal [BenMaller.com]

NFL Network to air eight regular season games [ESPN.com]

We haven't seen this reported (or confirmed) anywhere else, but if it's true, well, we're hoping someone reminds them that the NFL Network is still not available through Time Warner Cable in New York City, which just blows our minds. Do you realize we have a station called the New York Legislation Channel? Just in case you thought C-SPAN affected your life too much.

NFL Network Gets New P-B-P Deal [BenMaller.com]