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NFL Roundup

nfl roundup

All Hail The Great Kerry Collins

Tiny tidbits and news niblets from the final week of the NFL season ...

• It sure is nice seeing Kerry Collins back, isn't it? Remember when Kerry Collins was a big controversial figure? He got DUIs before it was cool to get DUIs. Collins has been around longer than you realize; he actually took over for Frank Reich, for crying out loud. Vince Young should be fine for the playoff game next week, which is kind of a shame; it might have been fun to see Collins' goofy arm hitch in the playoffs one more time. Not that we have much hope for the Titans anyway; when Kerry Collins is your savior, not even facing Norv Turner will be enough to keep you around long.

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nfl roundup

Belichick Bores You Simply Because He Can

Tiny tidbits and news niblets from Week 16 of the NFL ...

• You want to know the real genius of Bill Belichick? (Other than that hair.) It's that he has somehow made his team's games boring at the very moment we should be reveling in their streak toward history. The last two Patriots have been mostly uninspiring slogs ... and he seems to have designed it that way. Fortunately, the season finale will be on the NFL Network, so no one will have to watch it.

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nfl roundup

Dolphins Win! HOLY COW The Dolphins Win!

Notes and info smidgens from Week 14 in the NFL. ...

• We try to explain to people how we could possibly remain a fan of the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals despite the team having made the playoffs once in the last 25 (soon to be 26) years. We can only say that the job of winning, in the world of the NFL anyway, outweighs the pain of losing. In baseball, loses can pile up on a nightly basis, pummeling you into a state of resignation. But in the NFL, it still means something to win one game. Even if it's just one.

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nfl roundup

Enough With The "Guarantees" Already

Notes and info smidgens from Week 14 in the NFL. ...

• There's an excellent story in the new Atlantic Monthly about Barack Obama. Whether or not you're a supporter of Obama, it makes the compelling argument that Obama is the only candidate who can get us over our tired obsession with the '60s and the baby boomers. This happens in the sports world as well; thanks to Joe Namath, every sportswriter over 45 gets their proverbial panties in a twist anytime someone "guarantees" a victory. An athlete is just talking when he "guarantees" a victory; it doesn't mean anything, and he's hardly making some big statement. We'd love to see some enterprising person do a compilation of the "guarantees" over the last 25 years, and see what the winning percentage is. Joe Namath got lucky in Super Bowl III, and no one man, especially in football, can "guarantee" anything. Yet it becomes an easy, banal way to inject a "storyline" and assure a simple, boring angle. Can we let the guarantee thing go, please? Just because you had a picture of Joe Namath on your wall as a kid doesn't mean we have to pretend a guarantee means anything, at all.

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nfl roundup: now with bullet points!

Overtime and Gambling Make Wonderful Bedfellows

Since there's way too much going on in the NFL for me to get caught up in wordy prose I'm going to switch it up to a bullet point format. It's creative, it's original, and nobody's ever done it before!
• Why can't our country produce fifteen people capable of providing the play-by-play for football games? If the networks had to dig up Pat Summerall to call a game this weekend then there must be a serious lack of talent in the younger generations. I blame XBox, Mountain Dew, and Unitarians. It's just another reason we must urge the government to fast-track genetic engineering. More »

nfl roundup

Todd Collins and the Early NFL Action

The Flying Mottram Brothers over at Mister Irrelevant posted a rather odd Todd Collins tribute video they found on the U-tubes and it just happened to include a picture of the rookie card you see pictured. I mention this not for any particular reason, I just remember coming across this card many years ago. Even as an awkward 12 year-old I was quite confident in my conclusion that Todd Collins was a fucking dork. Alright, enough pointless nostalgia for now, follow after the jump for a breakdown on all of the early games that I can fit in. More »

nfl roundup

Winslow Soldiers A Catch, But You Didn't See It, And It Didn't Happen

Tiny tidbits and info smidgens from Week 13 of the NFL ...

• We know, the Buzzsaw are now 6-6 and holding on to the final wild-card spot in the NFC, but seriously now: That was a catch by Kellen Winslow at the end of the game, and the Browns should have won. We have never understood the notion that any play in football isn't "reviewable" by instant replay. Sure it's reviewable; we just watched it, and totally reviewed it. Kellen Winslow was pushed out of bounds; if there had been no one there, he would have landed in bounds. The replay clearly shows that. So why can't we rely on the replay again? (Still: We are not complaining. Tied for the wild-card in Week 13? Woo!)

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nfl roundup

Grossman Heroically Leads Bears To Another Victory

Tidbits and info smidgens from Week 12 in the NFL ...

• We kind of love that Rex Grossman got so excited after the Bears' bizarre win over the Broncos yesterday. It was a vintage Bears game; Only one offensive touchdown, an inspiring 17-for-33 day for Grossman, Cedric Benson with 47 yards and ... oh, two Devin Hester touchdowns. (This has led to a new KSK character.) And after the game, Grossman was jumping around like he'd just pulled off the Flutie Heave. Do you think he went home and told everyone, "I won the game! I got the Bears back on track!" and everyone just has to smile and nod and try to look away without giggling? We'll say it one more time: Bring Back Orton.

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nfl roundup

All This Controversy, You'd Think They Got The Call Wrong

Tidbits and info smidgens from Week 10 in the NFL ...

• Forgive us if we spare you the "outrage" over the ending of the Browns-Ravens game yesterday. It certainly seems like the NFL reviewed a play they weren't supposed to be able to review, which, you know, is fine, because it's right. The fact that a particular play is officially "not reviewable" is stupid; we assure you, it's reviewable; we just reviewed it, right now. You can't stop us. The call was correct. Who cares about the boring protocols? We're going to have to deal with three or four days this week of, essentially, a bunch of people arguing about linguistics in the user's manual. Yawn. The right call ended up being made, and the whole play looked cool to boot. Can we move on?

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nfl roundup

Troy Aikman Gets Something Right


Brandon Lloyd could not be reached for comment at the time of posting. Thanks to Awful Announcing for the video. Continue after the jump for the rest of the roundup... More »

nfl roundup

Peyton Apologists Scramble to Prepare For Monday

It's always a bit difficult for a quarterback to lose a favorite receiver and a couple of offensive linemen, but Peyton is making it look torturous. Even with Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark Peyton has gone 12-26 for 104 yards and an interception. If they can't find a way to put up some more points they could wind up losing to the Chiefs in their own stadium. Kansas City 10 - Indianapolis 10 More »

nfl roundup

Carson Palmer Goes Long

Nobody in their right mind actually cares about the outcome of the Bengals/Cardinals contest (Will and Bengal fans are clearly insane), but the fantasy playoffs are right around the corner! Carson Palmer is doing his best to spread the points around. He's thrown touchdown passes to TJ Housh and Arizona's Antrel Rolle. On the other side Warner has found a grove with Anquan Boldin. They've hooked up 3 times for 63 yards including a 44 yard touchdown. Meanwhile Rudi, Edge, Fitzy, and Ocho continue to put make fantasy owners more uncomfortable than that time the pretty girl talked to them in high school. Arizona 14 Cincinnati 13 More »

nfl roundup

It's Vinatieri's Turn To Be The Lonesome Kicker

Tidbits and info smidgens from Week 10 in the NFL ...

• A little part of us has always thought that Colts kicker Adam Vinatieri should have retired after the last Patriots Super Bowl. Kicking is a weird business, and sometimes people lose all their abilities for no apparent reason. (We remind you that Mike Vanderjagt, exactly one year ago, was the most accurate field goal kicker in NFL history. He is now out of the league.) Vinatieri could have been a hero forever, a Hall of Famer. Now he is subject to the winds of fate — even those indoor, dome winds of fate — that any kicker is subject to. Sorry, Adam.

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nfl roundup

Patriots Fail to Cover Spread, Claim Hollow Victory

• Was there ever any doubt? You could tell that it was just a matter of time before Tom Brady and Randy Moss could stick a dagger through the Indianapolis defense. For three quarters Tony Dungy's Colts controlled the field, but you can't keep a good man down long, and the same can be said of Bill Belichick. The Patriots crushed the spirits of the whitest crowd ever to witness a football game with a rather masterful fourth quarter comeback. The final score-a 13 yard touchdown reception by Kevin Faulk-came with over three minutes remaining in regulation, but Peyton's Manning's subsequent fumble put an end to any hope of killing the beast. More »

nfl roundup

Evil Or Not, The Patriots Are Out Of Control

Tiny tidbits from Week 8 of the NFL season.

• We're of two minds on next week's Patriots-Colts game, for which, we apologize, we are already contributing to the endless hype you're going to be sick of by Wednesday. On one hand, it might be pleasant to see the Patriots put in their place a bit after yesterday's Exhibit R in their quest for Spurrier Hell status. On the other hand, a Patriots win might lead to column by Gregg Easterbook about how the planet is about to burst into a plume of dust. It's a tough call.

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nfl roundup

Didn't You Used To Be Eric Mangini?

Tiny tidbits from Week 7 of the NFL Season ...

• Many people expected the Jets to fall back a bit this season, even if their team itself improved; last year had its fair share of luck, luck you couldn't expect to return. But, man, 1-6? The Jets look like a team that's worse off than they were during the Herman Edwards era — and we note that the Chiefs have a winning record right now. Coach Eric Mangini has watched everything fall apart since SpyGate; we wonder if he would do it over again, if he could. But hey: He still has that game in Foxboro to look forward to!

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nfl roundup

Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, Everywhere

News And Notes From Week 6 In the NFL

• We're not going to harp on this, because it's just going to make us upset, but with a chance to go to 4-2 and have a full game lead in the NFC West ... the Buzzsaw lost to the Vinny Testaverde yesterday. And the Kurt Warner injury didn't make all that much difference; they'd have lost if he played as well. The NFC West winner very well might be under .500 this year.

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nfl roundup

Joey Harrington, Franchise Killer

byronatl.jpgNews And Notes From Week 5 In The NFL ... More »