•Vikings 27, 49ers 24. Category 5 shitstorm incoming. Brett Favre's 32-yard heave with 2 seconds left won it for Minnesota, and made sure you'll avoid the first five minutes of SportsCenter tonight. Frank Gore reinjured his ankle on his first carry, but x-rays were negative.

•Jets 24, Titans 17. When do you stop calling someone "the best 0-3 team," and just call them 0-3? Mark Sanchez continues to give the media a collective chubby, and New York managed to hold Chris Johnson under 287 yards this week.

•Patriots 26, Falcons 10. Patriots fans, step down from the ledge. It wasn't pretty, but over 100 yards each from Fred Taylor and Randy Moss, and a key offensive pass interference call on Michael Jenkins were enough for New England to keep pace with the Jets.

•Lions 19, Redskins 14. It's over! For the first time since 2007, the Detroit Lions are winners. Matthew Stafford looked like an NFL quarterback, and Clinton Portis couldn't get going, so Detroit dominated possession. Washington simultaneously becomes a trivia answer and a punchline.

•Jaguars 31, Texans 24. The Texans are who we thought they were: an enigma. 300 yards from Matt Schaub doesn't mean much if you can't keep Maurice Jones-Drew out of the end zone...3 times.

•Eagles 34, Chiefs 14. The Vick show rolled into Philly, and it was less than successful. But it didn't need to be. While Vick accounted for 7 yards (rushing, 0/2 passing), the Eagles managed to ring up an addition 413 yards on the hapless chiefs.

•Packers 36, Rams 17. Nothing like playing St. Louis to make you look like a world-beater again. Recovering 3 turnovers and forcing Kyle Boller into the game will do that for you.

•Ravens 34, Browns 3. Wait, when did Baltimore get a passing game? This being Baltimore, I assume they stole it from somewhere. Joe Flacco threw for 342 yards, while on the other side, Brady Quinn was benched at halftime.

•Giants 24, Buccaneers 0. How bad is it in Tampa? Josh Johnson came on for one series in the fourth quarter, and still had more passing yards than (and double the QB rating of) Byron Leftwich. It was the Giants' first road shutout since 1983, but I'm not giving too much credit to their defense for this one.

•Jets 16, Patriots 9. Play of the game: right before the 2-minute warning, Mark Sanchez was under pressure and thought about floating it up there, but instead turtled for the sack. Last year, that's an INT. This year, the Jets have a QB who's at the very least competent, and a killer defense. Ladies and gentlemen, your first place New York Jets.

•Bengals 31, Packers 24. Chad Ochocinco lived up to his promise, while Ced Benson is finally living up to his, 5 years late. Benson rushed for 141 yards, and Carson Palmer (barely) threw more TDs than INTs.

•Saints 48, Eagles 22. No Donovan McNabb? No problem for the Eagles and Kevin Kolb, who more than held his own. But it doesn't matter who your QB is when the other team has Drew Brees. Brees threw for 3 TDs and 311 yards and, as they do every year, the Saints look unstoppable early.

•Texans 34, Titans 31. Despite Chris Johnson's 197-yard day, he can't play defense. Matt Schaub tossed for 357 and four TDs, as the Titans fall to 0-2.

•Vikings 23, Lions 13. Detroit actually had a 10-0 lead until late in the first half...then managed to give up 23 unanswered points. Matthew Stafford threw two picks, while AP "only" had 92 yards and a score.

•Falcons 28, Panthers 20. Matty Ice looks like the real deal, throwing for three TDs against a half-decent defense. And Jake Delhomme looked half-decent, going 25/41 for 308 yards in the loss.

•Cardinals 31, Jaguars 17. Those shrewd Jacksonville fans; making sure the game was blacked out so they wouldn't have to watch their team get blown out. How bad was it? The Cardinals were able to rush for 118 yards. No, wait, this one's better. How bad was it? Matt Leinart got to see some snaps.

•Redskins 9, Rams 7. Steven Jackson looked good, but this one was just fucking brutal. Get used to it, Skins fans. But all wins count the same, no matter how ugly. Though maybe they shouldn't.

•Raiders 13, Chiefs 10. Okay, I take it back, this game was even worse. The Raiders' game-winning drive consisted of nine plays, four incomplete passes, and five penalties.

• Vikings 34, Browns 20: Brett Favre should have a successful season handing the ball off to Adrian Peterson, who scored three times today, amassing 180 yards on 25 carries. #4 also showed he can still pass a bit—to the tune of 110 yards today— when defenses invariably stuff the box against AP.

• Eagles 38, Panthers 10: Jake Delhomme proves his playoff meltdown was no fluke. He throws four picks, giving him nine in his past two games. Kevin Kolb replaces McNabb, who left the game with a rib injury. Meanwhile, Philly's defense holds the Panthers' two-headed rushing attack to 82 yards, while sacking the hapless Delhomme four times.

• Saints 45, Lions 27: This one's over by halftime after Drew Brees throws four TDs (two of them to Jeremy Shockey), ending with six when the dust settles. Stafford doesn't immediately save the franchise (16/37, 205, 3INTs); expect the Culpepper calls to follow.

• Broncos 12, Bengals 7: Denver wins when a tipped Kyle Orton pass inadvertently winds up in the hands of Brandon Stokley, who scores with 11 seconds left...It's going to be a brutal season for Cincinnati—if the Bengals sputter this badly against last year's worst defense, expect vomit-inducing games against divisional opponents Pittsburgh and Baltimore.

• Ravens 38, Chiefs 27: KC keeps this one close thanks to a blocked punt returned for a TD, but Flacco puts the Croyle-led Chiefs to bed with a 31-yard TD pass to Mark Clayton.

• Jets 24, Texans 7: The Jets lay down the formula for 2009 success: dominant defense+hard-nosed running+Sanchez not screwing up as much as Brett Favre did.
The rookie makes good, safe check down reads on 3rd down, throwing only one pick.

• Falcons 19, Dolphins 7. Miami fails to generate much offense (despite a brief cameo by Pat White) as Matt Ryan goes 22-36 for 229 yards and 2 TDs, one of them to new TE Tony Gonzalez.

• Colts 14, Jags 12: Peyton Manning to Reggie Wayne (10 rec, 162, TD) doesn't seem fair, especially against horrid secondaries like Jacksonville's.

• Cowboys 34, Bucs 21: The scrappy Bucs hang around for a while, but Dallas' loaded offense prevails. Patrick Crayton and Roy Williams step up big in TO's abscense.

In addition to Stoops, whose Oklahoma Sooners meet Florida in the BCS title game on Thursday, the Broncos have scheduled interviews with:

New York Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, newly named Tampa Bay defensive coordinator and former secondary coach Raheem Morris and New England Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels. Spagnuolo will be the first to interview for the Broncos job since Mike Shanahan was fired Tuesday, with a meeting set for Saturday with Broncos officials.

Man, if Stoops leaves, this kid is really going to lose it.

• Leggo My Cassell. Former NFL executive Michael Lombardi says that the Patriots will put the franchise tag on Matt Cassell, preventing him from becoming a free agent. A hedge bet on Tom Brady's health? Or maybe they're planning on a big trade? Oh Belichick, you sly boots, what are you up to? [Pro Football Talk]

• Boston Herald Screws Dawg Pound Pooch. So the Boston Herald wrote that Patriots' executive Scott Piloli had until Thursday (Jan. 1) to accept an offer to take over football operations with the Cleveland Browns. But the deadline has passed, Piloli hasn't made up his mind, and the Browns are still courting him. That's some nice police work there, Lou. [Pro Football Talk]

• I'm Not A Doctor! With other NFL coaches falling around him like defenders at the Alamo, Mike Singletary can sit back and smoke a fine cigar today; he received good news following the 49ers' 27-24 win over the Redskins on Sunday, signing a four-year extension to officially become the team's head coach. Singletary, who was 5-4 as interim head coach, including 5-2 over the last seven games, will get $10 million over four years. You gotta put a hat on him! [San Francisco Chronicle]

• Juuuuust Short. Packers' Mason Crosby attempts 69-yard field goal. The kick was in the air so long, they ran a commercial before it landed. [YouTube]

• Parcells' Executive Decision. If Miami Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga sells the majority ownership of the team, as he soon may do, Bill Parcells may opt out of his contract and be looking for another job. The likely candidates? The Jets, Browns, Raiders and yes, your Detroit Lions. [ESPN]

• A Very Brady Monday. So NBCSports is saying that Tom Brady's knee rehabilitation is behind schedule, and his 2009 season may be in jeopardy. Other reports, however, say that the progress on his knee is very good, and all is going well. So, choose your favorite, I guess. [Boston Globe]

• Randy Moss Has A Chip On His Shoulder. Odd. "I don't know why coach disrespected me like that, but I'm who I am, and I love to do what I do. And anytime I feel disrespected then I want to get out there and make it happen. And I think they disrespected me today by only playing me single coverage."

• Is That What's Supposed To Happen? Arizona Cardinals' Neil Rackers attempts a 68-yard free kick field goal against he Giants. Wackiness ensues. [New York Times]

Oh, and T.O. says he wants the ball more. Another scoop for Deion!

• Browns Want Cowher Power. They're 4-6, profane emails are flying all over the place and staph infections are running rampant. Who better to pull the Browns out of their current morass than Bill Cowher, who can defeat bacteria with his menacing stare alone? "Per the source, the Browns are willing to give Cowher a contract worth $8 million to $9 million per year." [Pro Football Talk]

• All Signs Point To Go. Brady Quinn was examined by a hand specialist on Thursday, and has been declared fabulous, plus OK to play on Sunday against the Texans. Quinn complained of soreness during Wednesday's practice and was found to have a slightly fractured pinky on his throwing hand. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

• Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! ... Jerry Jones takes part of the responsibility for Pacman Jones' suspension. "Yes, I do take responsibility for the fact that it was my own security that the issue was part of," Jones said. "Because it was my guy there that created the problem. ... The way that it was supposed to work in my mind, to some degree, we wouldn't have had that problem." [USA Today]

• Just Call Him Hanging Chad. The Cincinnati Bengals deactivated receiver Chad Ocho Cinco for tonight's game against the Steelers, so adjust your fantasy rosters accordingly. The reason: Violating a team rule. That takes in a LOT of territory, especially when you're talking about Ocho. But that's all the team's saying. T.J. Houshmandzadeh will get even more catches, I suppose. [NBCSports]

• Oh Sweet Merciful Baby Jesus, Make It Stop. Speculation has resumed about Brett Favre's retirement plans, according to the New York Post, which writes: "This offseason figures to contain plenty of drama surrounding Favre's future." For his part, Favre says he "has absolutely no idea" if he's coming back. [New York Post]

• Role Model, Indeed. Spotting a homeless man outside of a Cinemark Theatre in Dallas, Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo paid for the guy to come inside and sit with him and a friend for the movie. The featured selection? Role Model. Bonus quote: Romo, who confirmed the story but didn't want to elaborate, waved Doc over to sit by him and his friend. Doc sheepishly mentioned that he hadn't showered in a few days. "Don't worry about that," Romo said. "I'm used to locker rooms." [Dallas Morning News]

• X-box, Here I Come. Terrell Owens reports flu-like symptoms, Dallas Cowboys excuse him from practice on Wednesday. This can't be considered bad news for the 49ers, who play the Cowboys on Sunday. [Star Telegram]

• Driver's Father In Trouble. The father of Green Bay Packers receiver Donald Driver was involved in an altercation with Houston police on Wednesday and is in the hospital, family members said. Police said Driver was arrested for outstanding traffic warrants and was found to be "unresponsive" upon his arrival at jail. Paramedics transported him to the hospital, they said. Key graph from story: As they beat him and forced him to swallow something, the officers told Marvin Driver Jr. he was "going to see Jesus," according to relatives and community activist Quanell Evans, who identified himself as Quanell X.

“I feel like they’re writing my legacy,” Young said. “They’re writing my story. I’m a great guy, a great humble guy. I’ve done a whole lot in my career in just three years and for [the media] to do stuff like that to try to make me look bad for some reason — I don’t know why — but they’re just writing my legacy.”

I know who I am, everyone knows who I am as a person. They know good and well, I ain’t trying to commit suicide or all that kind of crap. It was just a story everybody wanted to write. It was hot and everybody need to make their money, feed their viewers. I always get the bad end but I just brush that off and use that as motivation for myself.”

Young also said that there's no animosity between himself and starter Kerry Collins, whom he calls "5," and that he's been nothing but supportive of Collins. So, sounds like all is well with Vince Young. Nothing can possibly go wrong for him from here on out. Nope. [NBCSports]

• Rookie Hazing Of Colt Brennan Brought To You By Antwaan Randle El. And now, the musical stylings of Redskins' quarterback Colt Brennan, which does nothing to answer the question: If Brennan is going through the hazing, why are we the ones who have to suffer? Do Ho would not have approved. [Mouthpiece Sports]

• Who's In Your Favre Five? If Brett Favre would get off the phone with Tony Romo for one minute, he'd see that Aaron Rodgers also needs some words of encouragement. Oh, he's being brave and pretending that he doesn't, but don't let that fool you. Call him, Brett. [USA Today]

• Tom Brady — Crutch Performer. Only TMZ would hang out at a hospital to get video of Tom Brady on crutches. [TMZ]

• Intervention: Adam Jones Edition. Pacman Jones uses his "vacation" from the Cowboys to begin alcohol treatment today at an undisclosed location in the Dallas area. The good news: The Associated Press reported that Jones will not have his probation revoked in Georgia as a result of the altercation in a Dallas hotel last week. [Dallas Morning News]

• Wait, Someone Wants To Join The Raiders? Former Raiders receiver Tim Brown wants to come out of retirement and "lead the Raiders back to respectability." Good luck with that. [NBCSports]

• The Truth Is Out There. Now it can be revealed: Peyton Manning's mysterious second knee surgery. What else are you hiding, Peyton? [USA Today]

• It sure is nice seeing Kerry Collins back, isn't it? Remember when Kerry Collins was a big controversial figure? He got DUIs before it was cool to get DUIs. Collins has been around longer than you realize; he actually took over for Frank Reich, for crying out loud. Vince Young should be fine for the playoff game next week, which is kind of a shame; it might have been fun to see Collins' goofy arm hitch in the playoffs one more time. Not that we have much hope for the Titans anyway; when Kerry Collins is your savior, not even facing Norv Turner will be enough to keep you around long.

• Honestly, it really has been the worst sports year for Cleveland. It's downright wrong; that city has been cursed with just enough hope to make the disappointments really hurt. But hey, look who got some minutes yesterday!

• No offense to Vikings fans, but we're more excited to see the Redskins in the playoffs than the Vikes. Yep: We have Todd Collins fever. We bet they beat the Seahawks, by the way.

• Everyone in Detroit is chattering that Mike Martz is going to be fired. No Super Bowl losing coach has dropped as far as Martz since, who, Bill Callahan? It's a shame Nebraska, just to be funny, can't hire Martz as its next coach.

• Apparently Marv Levy is leaving Buffalo. That makes us extremely sad; we wanted him to be there until he was 103.

• The Buzzsaw finished 8-8. Mock us if you will, but we'll absolutely take it. That's the first non-losing season in a decade. Just in time for Leinart to return and screw it all up next year.

(CORRECTION: Kerry Collins did not take over for Frank Reich. That was Todd Collins. So many Collinses! We apologize.)

• You want to know the real genius of Bill Belichick? (Other than that hair.) It's that he has somehow made his team's games boring at the very moment we should be reveling in their streak toward history. The last two Patriots have been mostly uninspiring slogs ... and he seems to have designed it that way. Fortunately, the season finale will be on the NFL Network, so no one will have to watch it.

• We're not going to get into the Packers-Bears game yet ... because we're still too stunned. Such honor to be bestowed in this game ... it's getting its own post later, because someone totally deserves it.

• What a novel concept: When the Giants don't count on Eli Manning to do anything, they win. It's a shame, though; we had been secretly rooting for a Giants collapse. It's hard to turn down yearly collapses from a New York sports team; people completely lose their minds.

• Not a good day for Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson; we're begging them to win this week, because we'd so rather see the Browns in the playoffs than the Titans. No chance for a home game, sadly. If the Browns end up missing the playoffs, do they keep Anderson around for next year, or do they suck it up and do the Quinn handoff? Brady Quinn danceparty, everybody!

• Jamarcus Russell fever, like catch it ... like you can.

• We haven't checked with Drew today ... but we can't imagine Vikings fans are doing backflips. That potential Washington-Seattle first round game seems awfully scary for a Seahawks fan. And if they won that — if they make it, of course — we could have a Redskins-Cowboys playoff game. Excellent.

• We suppose we should be displeased that Arizona won yesterday; it could hurt the draft pick business. But we go through this every year, and we always root for the Buzzsaw late, long after they've been eliminated from the playoffs. (By the way, that 49ers game officially cost them a spot. Grr.) But the Buzzsaw can be at .500 for the first time in nearly a decade with a win next week. Baby steps.

• We try to explain to people how we could possibly remain a fan of the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals despite the team having made the playoffs once in the last 25 (soon to be 26) years. We can only say that the job of winning, in the world of the NFL anyway, outweighs the pain of losing. In baseball, loses can pile up on a nightly basis, pummeling you into a state of resignation. But in the NFL, it still means something to win one game. Even if it's just one.

Therefore, we absolutely understand FinsNation's euphoria after the Dolphins' first victory yesterday.

My feet still haven't touched the ground. My throat is raw and scratchy. My voice is shot. I sound like Jennifer Tilly after several rounds of scotch and cigarettes at a Poker tournament. Myself, and everyone around me, are acting like we're in a Dr. Pepper commercial. My brain still can't wrap around the idea that, yes goddamit!!, we fucking won a game!

Rock on! 1-15, or death!

• Speaking of our Buzzsaw ... well, we can't really speak of our Buzzsaw yet, except to say home games against Atlanta and St. Louis to finished went from Holy Crap We're So Lucky (because two wins could mean playoffs) to Jesus Christ They're Gonna Hurt Our Draft Spot next year (after the error-plagued loss to the New Orleans yesterday). It was kind of fun seeing Kurt Warner get into a fight on the sidelines, though.

• We're gonna talk more about this later on, but it must be noted early: This might end up as the most frustrating fantasy football season of all time. We'll explain later, but, frankly, we assume you already know what we're talking about.

• Sometimes, we wish all football games were played under the conditions of the Bills-Browns game. It's the only thing that could have made that Jets-Pats more interesting. All salute Bill Belichick, by the way; the guy can do whatever he wants now, even if what he wants is to dull up the most hyped game of the year simply because he can.

• After watching the Giants game, that impending Seahawks-Giants playoff game is going to be eminently skippable, if you're the type of jerk who skips playoff games.

• We'll admit it: We're rooting for the Browns to overtake the Steelers. Jeez, how could we not?

• There's an excellent story in the new Atlantic Monthly about Barack Obama. Whether or not you're a supporter of Obama, it makes the compelling argument that Obama is the only candidate who can get us over our tired obsession with the '60s and the baby boomers. This happens in the sports world as well; thanks to Joe Namath, every sportswriter over 45 gets their proverbial panties in a twist anytime someone "guarantees" a victory. An athlete is just talking when he "guarantees" a victory; it doesn't mean anything, and he's hardly making some big statement. We'd love to see some enterprising person do a compilation of the "guarantees" over the last 25 years, and see what the winning percentage is. Joe Namath got lucky in Super Bowl III, and no one man, especially in football, can "guarantee" anything. Yet it becomes an easy, banal way to inject a "storyline" and assure a simple, boring angle. Can we let the guarantee thing go, please? Just because you had a picture of Joe Namath on your wall as a kid doesn't mean we have to pretend a guarantee means anything, at all.

• Now that the Buzzsaw playoff hopes are petty much kaput, our eyes go to the Vikings, who should probably have Tampa Bay and Seattle jockeying to play Eli Manning and the Giants in the first round of the playoffs than them. Oh, and that Patriots' first-round pick next year got a little better yesterday.

• Can the Dolphins really keep Cam Cameron around after an 0-16 season? Just leave our Zook alone, Miami.

• It kind of charming to see Brock Berlin taking snaps in an NFL game. There's gotta be on more comeback left for Ryan Leaf, right? Christ, just bring back Jeff George! At least it'll be entertaining, and we'll have another mustache.

• We will never understand what the heck Coach Mangenious was pulling off at the end of that Jets-Browns game. He tried three onside kicks in the matter of three minutes, and all at the exact opposite time you'd expect. We think this season might have caused him to lose his mind. Hope someone's got tape of it!

• Fuck you, fine me! The league told Terrance Newman that he better be on his best behavior this week after he joked about taking a shot at Jon Kitna, but apparently they didn't CC DeMarcus Ware on the memo. Ware wrapped up Kitna after a pass and attempted to make him one with the field turf. The refs called the penalty and Jon Kitna either turned the other cheek or took an eye for an eye, depending on which Bible on tape he's listening too inside of that helmet. Regardless, the Lions are putting points on the board and they've got Dallas on their heels. Miraculously, they're doing it with the running game! Kevin Jones and TJ Duckett (who is alive) have both scored. The Cowboy offense has come to life thanks to two scores from Marion Barber.Detroit 20 - 14 Dallas

Note: FanHouse has video of the hit.

• There's still hope! Oh those poor fucking Dolphins. It took just two passes before John Beck was replaced by Cleo Lemon, but I don't think that's going to help matters. Buffalo is absolutely throttling Dolphins and all of that snow certainly can't be helping. Somehow Robert Royal has managed to catch two passes, each going for a touchdown. Cleo Lemon has thrown two interceptions but he did manage to complete a heave to Ted Ginn Jr. Buffalo 31 - 7 Miami

• Go Sage! For some reason I've felt compelled to bet on the Texans an inordinate number of times this season. This week I was counting on a big Channukah performance from Sage Rosenfels and he is not disappointing. Houston's quarterback has completed 16 of 21 passes including two touchdowns (Johnson and Walter). Luke McCown is playing for the banged up Bucs and he's actually playing quite a bit better than his brother Josh over in Green Bay. Houston 21 - 14 Tampa Bay

• We know, the Buzzsaw are now 6-6 and holding on to the final wild-card spot in the NFC, but seriously now: That was a catch by Kellen Winslow at the end of the game, and the Browns should have won. We have never understood the notion that any play in football isn't "reviewable" by instant replay. Sure it's reviewable; we just watched it, and totally reviewed it. Kellen Winslow was pushed out of bounds; if there had been no one there, he would have landed in bounds. The replay clearly shows that. So why can't we rely on the replay again? (Still: We are not complaining. Tied for the wild-card in Week 13? Woo!)

• Do Buffalo fans feel bad that their team ruined the all-set-up Redskins overcoming adversity with victory story? We doubt it; they've had enough heartache themselves. We're not sure why the Redskins are honoring Sean Taylor's memory any less by losing, really.

• The Dolphins definitively have the look of a team that will go winless. It's kind of exciting to watch; we wonder if John Beck will be the NFL's equivalent of Jeremy Bonderman, a guy who has a historically bad rookie season and matures into a decent player.

• Drew put it exactly right last week, concerning, "Philly crowd's affinity for inconsistent white quarterbacking over inconsistent black quarterbacking." We can get over the A.J. Feeley thing now, right? Meanwhile, the Seahawks are setting themself up for a No. 3 seed in the NFC, which also tells you all you need to know about the NFC.

• Eli Manning is keeping the Giants just afloat enough to make the ultimate collapse that much more entertaining and devastating.

• Actually, all you need to know about the NFC is this: If they Vikings make the playoffs, they might be Dallas' most dangerous competition.

• We kind of love that Rex Grossman got so excited after the Bears' bizarre win over the Broncos yesterday. It was a vintage Bears game; Only one offensive touchdown, an inspiring 17-for-33 day for Grossman, Cedric Benson with 47 yards and ... oh, two Devin Hester touchdowns. (This has led to a new KSK character.) And after the game, Grossman was jumping around like he'd just pulled off the Flutie Heave. Do you think he went home and told everyone, "I won the game! I got the Bears back on track!" and everyone just has to smile and nod and try to look away without giggling? We'll say it one more time: Bring Back Orton.

• It's downright comforting to see the Giants collapsing in the second-half of the season. It's a rite of November passage. Like watching leaves turn, or Isiah Thomas saying everything's going to plan. We're pretty sure it happened because Peyton was there watching. We bet he enjoyed it more than he'll ever admit too.

• Don't know if anybody caught this post-Patriots win, but if you saw it, Andrea Kremer's postgame interview with Wes Welker was awfully amusing. In the middle of it, Welker said, "Coach is calling me over, and he's the one man I hold over you." And he left. Al Michaels then says: "Coming, Mommy." Sounds about right.

• We imagine Merrill Hoge just dancing around Bristol today, reminding everyone how right he was about Vince Young. On days Young plays well, we suspect Hoge calls in sick.

• Has any quarterback ever received more playing time for doing less than David Carr? Yesterday, he was benched for Matt Moore, whoever the hell that is.

• Browns fever, friends: The legend of Horse Balls continues.

• We are absolutely not ready to talk about that Buzzsaw game yet. Maybe later.

• Forgive us if we spare you the "outrage" over the ending of the Browns-Ravens game yesterday. It certainly seems like the NFL reviewed a play they weren't supposed to be able to review, which, you know, is fine, because it's right. The fact that a particular play is officially "not reviewable" is stupid; we assure you, it's reviewable; we just reviewed it, right now. You can't stop us. The call was correct. Who cares about the boring protocols? We're going to have to deal with three or four days this week of, essentially, a bunch of people arguing about linguistics in the user's manual. Yawn. The right call ended up being made, and the whole play looked cool to boot. Can we move on?

• With Kevin Everett addressing his Bills in a pregame message last night, we can't imagine what the atmosphere in Ralph Wilson Stadium must have like. A downright inspirational night. Which makes those repeated going-for-it-on-Fourth-And-One while having a 30 point lead that much more entertaining. Sorry, we agree with Simmons: Having the Patriots around does make the NFL more enjoyable, particularly when someone knocks them on their ass. Though we suppose that will have to actually happen.

• The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals is still one game behind the apparently competent Seattle Seahawks, but here's their schedule the rest of the way: Home against San Francisco, Cleveland, Atlanta and St. Louis, Road against Seattle and New Orleans. Four wins out of those should get them in the playoffs, which is exactly where Peter King predicted yesterday. Which means it's probably not happening now.

• You know, for a brief moment, we were actually kind of excited to see Detroit playing on Thanksgiving for once. Oops.

• So here would be a great irony: The Chargers stumble into the playoffs at 9-7, thanks to their lousy division, and suddenly Norv Turner drives the team through a series of upsets and wins the Super Bowl. Won't happen, obviously, but it's fun to think of a scenario that's the exact opposite of what most people thought would occur preseason.

• Rex Grossman is now the least of the Bears problems.

• One last thing on the Ravens-Browns ending: We love it when a team believes it has won and then is called back on the field. We really love it when a team makes it all the way back to their locker room and is forced to return. Failure is always just a tiny step away from victory ... but it's usually not that close.

I was just getting ready to throw some love on Clinton Portis myself. Costumes aside, he's an absolute beast. He's a better blocker than any featured back in the league (Edge included) and if the Redskins throw a pick, odds are Clinton's going try to send the interceptor to the hospital. Jason Campbell is also playing quite nicely and my Skins are miraculously winning at the half. Now it's time for Gibbs to install his patented "sit on the lead and call a bunch of timeouts in the third quarter" offense.

Update: TO just scored. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Dallas 14 - Washington 10

• Wacky field goal shenanigans. Horse Balls Anderson wasn't his usual Hall of Fame self but Celeveland had just enough mojo to knock off Baltimore 33-30 in overtime. Did Baltimore really score 30 points? Wow, must have been one of those rare games with ten field goals.

• Unleashing the Dragon! Rextasy has been "managing the game" which means that it's only a matter of time before he spreads his seed all over Seattle's supple defense. Cedric Benson is playing pretty well, just to keep people on their toes. Chicago 17 - Seattle 17

Update: Seattle starts the half with a 49 yard touchdown drive. Seattle 24 Chicago 17

• Upset watch. Somehow the Steelers are actually tied with the Jets. The NFL is a lot like Ben Roethlisberger, big, unwieldy, and difficult to understand. New York 13 - Pittsburgh 13

• Andre's back, baby! I love me some Andre Johnson (and not just because my team in the Yahoo(!) blogger league has been tanking without him) and so does Matt Schaub. The quarterback is 20/29 for 279 yards and two touchdowns with 105 yards and one score to his favorite receiver. Reggie Bush has 19 touches but only 63 yards while Mario Williams has three tackles, a sack, and a forced fumble. Let the debate begin anew! Houston 20 - New Orleans 10

• This game blows. Remember how the Lions and Giants were supposed to entertain us with a display of aerial mastery? Yeah, no so much. I've been forced to watch just about every second of this game and it hasn't been pretty. Balls and players have been dropping to the ground at a startling rate, including Mathias Kiwanuka who suffered a broken leg. Michael Strahan has sacked Jon Kitna three times. New York 16 - Detroit 3 Update: Hey, Calvin Johnson just made an awesome touchdown catch. I take it all back. New York 16 - Detroit 10

• Old guys need more painkillers. Green Bay sure seems to be rolling through the NFC with ease (although Gibbs handed them one game). They're currently destroying Carolina which is good news for fans of teams with shitty coaches who are really hoping that John Fox becomes available by some miracle. Favre's gone over 200 yards with a trio of scores. Ryan Grant is still looking pretty damn good, which just goes to prove the point that running backs do in fact grow on trees.

Update: Carson Palmer just threw another touchdown pass to Antrel Rolle.

Bad teams can be entertaining. The best action of the day is taking place in Minnesota without the only player anybody cares about. Minnesota and Oakland have already combined for 32 points with Chester Taylor racking up two touchdowns. Not to take away from the Vikings running backs, but their offensive line is really good. It's almost as if spending money on a Steve Hutchinson smarter than spending money on a Shaun Alexander. Minnesota 19 - Oakland 13

The Chargers are fucking annoying. God damn, what is wrong with San Diego? I mean aside from their woeful head coach and douchey quarterback. The Jaguars are taking them to the woodshed in Jacksonville. Now I'm not sure what goes on in these woodsheds I'm always hearing about, but I imagine it involves ball gags and butane torches. Jacksonvile 17 - San Diego 3