•Saints 33, Redskins 30. Ho. Lee. Shit. This was the definition of a trap game for New Orleans. Tied at the half, Washington took a 10 point lead into the fourth. The Saints closed it to seven, then Shaun Suisham shanked a 23-yarder. Drew Brees hit Robert Meachem for a 53-yard bomb, and Jason Campbell turned back into Jason Campbell, getting picked by Jonathan Vilma in the middle of a potential career-defining drive. John Carney watched from the sidelines as his replacement Garrett Hartley came up short on a 58-yarder as time expired. This one's in overtime.

A very controversial booth review rules a Redskins fumble, and the Saints promptly boot the gamewinner. NO stays undefeated, but there's a category 5 shitstorm incoming.

•Dolphins 22, Patriots 21. The AFC East looks like a complete crapshoot after the Patriots lose their second in a row for the first time since 2006. Would you believe the goat is Tom Brady, after getting intercepted in the end zone, and again on a last-minute drive? Chad Henne's ballsack grew three sizes this day, throwing for 335 yards and completing countless crucial third downs.

•Raiders 27, Steelers 24. And just like that, Pittsburgh is a .500 team. A defensive battle broke wide open in the fourth quarter, with five straight drives going for touchdowns. Most importantly, Bruce Gradkowski took Oakland 88 yards in 1:47, finding Louis Murphy in the end zone with 9 seconds left.

•Colts 27, Titans 17. One of these winning streaks had to come to an end, and it wasn't Peyton Manning's. Tennessee won the yards and time of possession battles, but never seemed to get going. Chris Johnson had 113 yards, his seventh straight week over 100.

•Eagles 34, Falcons 7. Thanks, local FOX affiliate, for sticking with this one all the way through. Would you believe this was the aforementioned meeting of two winning teams? Michael Vick threw a touchdown and ran for another, and the Falcons scored as time expired to avoid their first ever home shutout.

•Jaguars 23, Texans 18. This one wasn't nearly as close as the score. Maurice Jones-Drew was held in check, but David Garrard ran the offense well, finding 9 different receivers. A Matt Schaub injury led to a brief Rex Grossman appearance, and by the time Schaub returned, this game was out of hand.

•Bengals 23, Lions 13. I guess Cedric Benson is healthy. He had 110 yards in his return, and Chad Ochocinco had 137 in the air. The Lions, always thinking about the future, saw Matthew Stafford re-injure his shoulder in the fourth quarter, after this one was already out of hand.

•Broncos 44, Chiefs 13. Matt Cassel, the $63 million man, took his rightful place on the bench in this one. It didn't help. Denver rushed for 245 yards, more than KC had all day.

•Bears 17, Rams 9. When you're relying on Kyle Boller to lead your gamewinning drive, you have some issues. Jay Cutler didn't do much, but he avoided throwing any picks, and the Bears D kept St. Louis out of the end zone in what was mercifully the fastest game of the day.

•Panthers 16, Buccaneers 6. Just brutal. Josh Freeman threw five interceptions, which must have been weird for Carolina to see from the other side. Jonathan Stewart scored a touchdown on the first drive of the game, and then no one found the end zone again.

•Colts 35, Texans 27. Houston made a huge mistake when they went ahead 17-0, because they did it with nearly three quarters left for Peyton Manning to work with. Manning found seven receivers en route to 4 TDs and 244 yards, in a sloppy game that saw more turnovers than punts. Indy stays undefeated, but they have yet to make it look easy. (Thanks to reader Jason for the screengrab.)

•Eagles 27, Redskins 24. The Skins actually led a 2nd half comeback, but couldn't stop Philly on either of their fourth quarter drives. Minus Portis and Betts, the Skins never got their ground game going, and lose a divisional heartbreaker for the second week in a row.

•Jets 17, Panthers 6. On the opening drive, Darrelle Revis (the best corner in the NFL) picked off Jake Delhomme and returned it 67 yards for a touchdown. That would have been enough, as Delhomme was intercepted three more times and had a couple TDs overturned on a flag and an offensive pass interference.

•Falcons 20, Buccaneers 17. With Matty Ice on ice with a toe injury after just three passes, and Michael Turner taking a seat in the third, Chris Redman — Chris Redman! — put the Falcons on his shoulders and led a two-minute drill that featured five straight incompletions from inside the 10, before he nailed Roddy White for the gamewinner with 23 seconds left.

•Bills 31, Dolphins 14. That's two weeks in a row that T.O. has gotten more involved, and two straight competitive games for Buffalo. He had the 51-yard dagger that sealed it, and the Bills outscored Miami 24-0 in the fourth quarter.

•Bengals 16, Browns 7. I'm not big on QB ratings, but it's worth pointing out that Josh Cribbs more than doubled Brady Quinn's in this one. With an inactive Cedric Benson, the now-playoff-bound Larry Johnson led Cincy with 107 yards, proving that there are no real punishments in pro sports.

•Seahawks 27, Rams 17. Look up "playing out the string" in the sports dictionary, and you'll see this box score. Justin Forsett had more yards and scores (130 and 2) than did Matt Hasselbeck (102 and 0). And that was in a winning effort. As a consolation, St. Louisans didn't have to watch this one, as it was blacked out.

•Chiefs 27, Steelers 24. Driving confidently during overtime, Ben Roethlisberger took a knee to the head and Charlie Batch couldn't finish the job. KC had no problems going the other way for the winning FG, and that Steelers D without Troy Polamalu looks really, really vulnerable.

•Colts 17, Ravens 15. When's the last time Peyton Manning threw more INTs than TDs? (Rhetorical question, know-it-all commenters.) It was the Colts defense that carried the day, keeping Baltimore out of the end zone, and picking off a marching Joe Flacco inside the red zone to seal it.

•Giants 34, Falcons 31. The Giants once again blew a fourth quarter lead, but won the coin toss in overtime and pulled out the win. This game was decided in the air, with the teams combining for 600 yards passing and only 178 rushing. Eli Manning has 384 yards and three TDs.

•Lions 38, Browns 37. *checks box score* I'm going to assume this is all a misprint and will be cleared up soon, but Matthew Stafford and Brady Quinn combined for 9 touchdowns and 724 yards. Stafford pulled off the miracle finish of the year, scrambling for his life before lofting a 32 yard pass into the end zone that got whistled for defensive pass interference. With no time on the clock, Stafford then tossed it in from the 1 for an epic, epic win.

•Packers 30, 49ers 24. Green Bay seemingly had this one in hand, but Michael Crabtree's first career score set off a furious San Francisco rally that simply ran out of time.

•Cowboys 7, Redskins 6. There are defensive showdowns, and then there's this horrid excuse for a game. Rock Cartwright, third on the depth chart, led Washington on the ground and in the air, but the real star was Nick Folk, who nailed the extra point with 2:41 left to mercifully prevent this one from going to overtime.

•Jaguars 18, Bills 15. Maybe Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't a great QB, but at least he remembers he has Terrell Owens on his team. But TO's 197 yards wasn't enough to make a different, as David Garrard led the Jags down the field to score with a minute left.

•Saints 38, Buccaneers 7. At least the Bucs led in this one, right? That counts for something. Not as much as 38 unanswered points, but still.

•Vikings 35, Seahawks 9. Hey, Tarvaris Jackson had a touchdown pass in this one! That's generally a sign that the game got out of hand early, and sure enough Brett Favre had TD passes on three straight drives to end the first half.

•Bengals 18, Steelers 12. We're living in a bizarro world where Pittsburgh has a world-class offense and Cincy has a stellar defense. And just as in every Super Bowl not involving the Rams, the defense won out. The only TD in this one was a 96-yard kickoff return from Bernard Scott. Troy Polamalu went down injured, but so did Cedric Benson so we'll call it even.

•Jaguars 24, Jets 22. Maurice Jones-Drew made the single smartest play this year. With two minutes remaining and the Jets out of time outs, New York tried to let the Jaguars score to get the ball back. But Jones-Drew, with a clear path to the end zone, slid at the one yard line. Two kneeldowns and a field goal later, and the Jaguars are over .500 and the Jets are below.

•Redskins 27, Broncos 17. Kyle Orton aired it out in the first half, but went down with an injury before halftime. A fake field goal for a touchdown gave Washington all the momentum, and Ladell Betts pounded his way to many suicide pool entries going down in flames.

•Saints 28, Rams 23. Are the cracks in the Saints showing? They let Stephen Jackson run wild, turned it over three times, and only a failed two-minute drill kept them undefeated.

•Panthers 28, Falcons 19. Michael Turner left with a sprained ankle, and it showed. Jake Delhomme outplayed Matt Ryan, making us questions everything we hold to be self-evident, and the "other" Steve Smith hauled in a pair of TDs.

•Dolphins 25, Buccaneers 23. Miami did everything they could to blow this one, tossing an interception with two minutes left that led to a go-ahead Tampa Bay drive. But the prevent defense once again prevented nothing, and the Fins went 77 yards in a minute to kick a game winning FG.

•Vikings 27, Lions 10. Too much Adrian Peterson, too much Brett Favre, and too much of the Lions being the Lions. Sidney Rice had 201 yards, AP 133, and that alone was more yards than Detroit had all afternoon.

•Titans 41, Bills 17. We could have told them this after week 2, but Tennessee's coaches finally figured out the key to success: Chris Johnson, Chris Johnson, and more Chris Johnson. He had 132 yards on the ground, and 100 receiving, scored twice and made a winner out of Vince Young for the third game in a row.

•Bengals 17, Ravens 7.The old guard of defense-minded football ran into the new kids on the black, and they're wearing garish orange stripes. They stifled the hydra-headed Ravens run, holding them to just 55 yards on the ground. They kept Joe Flacco in check, picking him off twice. And though Chris Henry went down with a broken arm, I'm ready to declare this Cincinnati team officially "for real." (Thanks to Kyle for the screengrab.)

•Colts 20, Texans 17. Holy crap, this one was close. After a late Joey Addai score (his second), two Texans drives into Indy territory ended with an interception and a missed 42-yard field goal as time expired. The Colts barely remain undefeated, and oh, by the way, Houston is now Ryan Moats's team.

•Patriots 27, Dolphins 17. Miami gave them a scare, taking a lead in the third with a Ronnie Brown TD pass to the tight end. But a 71-yard bomb to Randy Moss puts the Patriots firmly in command of the AFC East.

•Buccaneers 38, Packers 28. Tampa Bay and "exciting football" in the same sentence? Believe it. There was no freak injury or fluky play to account for this one, just Josh Freeman's testicles dropping before our very eyes. In his first NFL start, he tossed three TDs, while the Bucs D picked off Aaron Rodgers thrice. And just like that, every team in the National Football League has won a game.

•Cardinals 41, Bears 21. This one was so ugly, my FOX station didn't bother going back to it after halftime. Kurt Warner had five TDs, while Matt Leinart was picked on his only attempt.

•Jaguars 24, Chiefs 21. Tell me again how much money did KC give Matt Cassel? But when Chris Chambers and Lance Long are your top targets, there's not a heck of a lot you can do. Mike Sims-Walker had 147 yards receiving, and the Jaguars are somehow a .500 team.

•Falcons 31, Redskins 17. Nothing like playing Washington to get a faltering team back on track. This one was the Michael Turner show, as he ran for 166 yards and two scores.

•Ravens 30, Broncos 7. Baltimore's defense made the Broncos look like the Broncos we expected before the season started. Denver just couldn't get anything going, and a 95 yard kickoff return after halftime sealed the deal.

•Colts 18, 49ers 14. Indy stays undefeated, but this one was close. San Fran led after each of the first three quarters, but Jim Caldwell finally figured out he had Reggie Wayne on his team. Wayne had 147 yards receiving, and caught a TD from Joseph Addai.

•Dolpins 30, Jets 25. A 3-3 game at the half turned into a shootout. Ted Ginn returned kickoffs for 100 and 101 yards, and Miami made one final stand to give the Jets a .500 record going into their bye.

•Cowboys 38, Seahawks 17. And just like that, Dallas is tied for first in the east. For the second straight week, Tony Romo had three TD passes and no INTs, while Miles Austin again led the team in receiving.

•Eagles 40, Giants 17. Okay, time to stop pretending the Giants are an NFC contender. The Eagles' five touchdowns came on plays averaging 40 yards apiece, and those drives took 13 plays. Total.

•Texans 31, Bills 10. Steve Slaton was benched and Owen Daniels injured, both in the first quarter, but that doesn't matter when you've got Ryan Moats. The afterthought rushed for 126 yards and three scores, as the Texans go two games over .500 for the first time ever. The Ryan Fitzpatrick era seems to have petered out.

•Rams 17, Lions 10. The Rams win a game! Despite their kicker throwing for more TDs than Marc Bulger, and despite picking off Matthew Stafford only to be tackled for a safety, the Rams win a game! Of course it's against Detroit, so it's worth about half of a real win.

•Bears 30, Browns 6. We had a Brady Quinn sighting late in this one; that should tell you how it went. Cleveland turned it over five times, but don't worry. They, the Rams, and the Raiders have their byes next week, so the average quality of football should rise dramatically.

•Patriots 35, Buccaneers 7. Reader Eric calls our attention to a comment left on a British newspaper's story on the game:

As far as I can see American football is a marathon of budweiser adverts occasionally interrupted by some "talented bloke" chucking a rugby-like ball to some Billy Whizz halfway up the pitch, intent on scoring points for catching it while a couple of beefcakes try to put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life."

I can't really take issue with that summary, but I also don't see it as a negative thing. What is a negative thing is this specific example of American football. The Pats scored on a pick-six on the Bucs' opening possession, and never looked back.

•Steelers 27, Vikings 17.There's the Brett Favre we know and love. Down three points and driving, Favre fumbled for a 77-yard TD return. Following Percy Harvin's Devin Hester impersonation, Minnesota was again down three points and driving, when Keyaron Fox picked off a deflected ball for a game-sealing, 88 yard touchdown. Another undefeated team down.

•Texans 24, 49ers 21. A 21-0 lead at halftime led to Shaun Hill being benched, and then this one got interesting. Alex Smith found Vernon Davis in the end zone three times, but couldn't complete the comeback. Steve Slaton had TDs on the ground and in the air.

•Colts 42, Rams 6. No Reggie Wayne, no Donald Brown? No problem. Seriously, no problems whatsoever for Indy, who got touchdowns from people named Chad Simpson and Jacob Lacey, who I assume are fans they plucked out of the stands.

•Chargers 37, Chiefs 7. Remember when this used to be a rivalry? Now it's like a nonconference college game, just meant to make your team look good. San Diego picked off three passes and Rivers threw for three touchdowns.

•Packers 31, Browns 3. Green Bay was firing on all cylinders, but that's not much of an accomplishment against the Browns. Aaron Rodgers was 15/20 for 246 yards and 3 TDs, and Ryan Grant rushed for 148.

•Vikings 33, Ravens 31. This was a beaut. The Ravens charged back from 17 down in the fourth to take the lead, but a couple Minnesota field goals put them back on top. Baltimore had one last chance, but Steven Haschka couldn't hit a 44-yarder as the clock expired. Me, I wouldn't know, as CBS cut away from this game with two minutes left to show me Jets/Bills. Thanks.

•Saints 48, Giants 27. This wasn't as close as the score indicates, if that's possible. New York couldn't lay a hand on Drew Brees, and the results showed it. Seven different Saints scored touchdowns, perhaps crapping on your fantasy team, but proving that New Orleans is a legitimate team. The Giants? The jury's still out.

•Texans 28, Bengals 17. Is this an upset? Who even knows. The Texans remain schizophrenic, and we still haven't figured Cincy out. Matt Schaub threw for 392 yards and 4 TDs, while Ced Benson was held to an anemic 44 yards.

•Steelers 27, Browns 14. Derek Anderson was better this week, but not much. The real story is Ben Roethlisberger, who tossed another 417 yards. And if the carries are to be believed, Willie Parker's days as starter in Pittsburgh are done.

•Packers 26, Lions 0.Daunte Culpepper, or Drew Stanton? No difference, and no points for Detroit. This one was over from the first drive.

•Panthers 28, Buccaneers 21. Jake Delhomme lead a clock-killing, game-winning drive? That must be a typo...oh wait, they only called one pass play on the 80-yard march. That's more like it. Deangelo Williams punched in the final TD, and both Panthers backs had at least 100 yards rushing.

•Jaguars 23, Rams 20. If this were the NHL, the Rams would get a point for getting it to overtime. As it is, they remain winless. Getting Marc Bulger back helped, but MJD carved up their defense for three touchdowns. The Jags won the toss and scored on their first OT possession.

•Chiefs 14, Redskins 6. Out of all the problems in Washington, they decided it was the QB; Jason Campbell was bench for Todd Collins at halftime, but it didn't help. Neither team found the end zone (though Collins was sacked in his own), as KC lands its first win of the year.

•Bengals 17, Ravens 14. Cincinnati officially confirmed for the most confusing team in the league. They barely beat Cleveland, then they barely beat Baltimore? I don't know what to think. Andre Caldwell hauled in a touchdown with 22 seconds left, and that vaunted run defense couldn't stop Cedric Benson.

•Steelers 28, Lions 20. This one wasn't as close as the score, but you know Pittsburgh really misses Troy Polamalu when Daunte Culpepper throws for 282 yards. Big Ben spread it around, hitting six receivers at least twice.

•Cowboys 26, Chiefs 20. Dallas might have found themselves a number one receiver. Miles Austin caught ten passes for 250 yards, including a 60-yarder in overtime to steal the game.

•Giants 44, Raiders 7. When you lose 44-7, and your seven points come right after the refs blew a call that should have a fumble return for a TD, you are historically, hysterically bad. David Carr took over in the first half. The first goddamn half.

•Vikings 38, Rams 10. Minnesota also ran their record to 5-0, but let's not give anyone too much credit for beating the Rams. Peterson was Peterson, and Favre was old Favre, and no one can tell me the Rams won't go 0-16 this year.

•Eagles 33, Buccaneers 14. Mike Vick completed his first pass, for all of 3 yards. Luckily for the Eagles, Donovan McNabb threw for 264 more. A couple of bombs to Jeremy Maclin made sure this one was never close.

•Panthers 20, Redskins 17. In a game won by the Panthers only because somebody had to win, the teams combined for only 446 yards of total offense.

•Browns 6, Bills 3. Cleveland had nine first down all game. They completed two passes (that's a 15.1 passer rating for Derek Anderson). And they won. This was the worst Sunday of football ever.

Carson Palmer is listed as the emergency QB this week, which means he won't play unless Nos. 1 and 2 go down. The move means Harvard alum Ryan Fitzpatrick is starting. Look for a more intellectual level of ineptitude from the Bengals as they host Cleveland today. Fitzpatrick had that one great game in 2005 and been rightfully obscure ever since. Backing up Ryan is Carson's brother, Jordan.

Byes this week: Detroit, Indianapolis, Miami, New England, NY Giants, Seattle. Just so ya know.

The Rams do not have a bye, and their head coach is almost certainly fired on his way out. Scott Linehan probably needs to win today to save his job. So why the fuck is he starting Trent Green? Did Linehan do this on a dare? Is he banging Green's wife? Anyway, Steven Jackson and Torry Holt are pissed about it, so don't expect too much form St. Louis as they host Buffalo today.

Minnesota will have its backfield tandem ready. Chester Taylor and Adrian Peterson are both active for today, and will play.

Browns QB Derek Anderson will play; Browns receiver Donte' Stallworth will not.

Plaxico Burress is sitting out this next week because he skipped a practice, which is a nice departure for the Giants wide receiver, who usually just doesn't show up in big games.

The Raiders' Lane Kiffin is not dead yet. After beating Kansas City and losing at the last minute against Buffalo, the NFL's youngest head coach is still hanging around. If Al Davis pulls the trigger on Kiffin, it could be after a loss today against visiting San Diego. That would give any interim coach two weeks to get the house back in order, as the Raiders have a bye next week.

Matt Millen finally got his ass canned last week. Lions VP William Clay Ford said he would fire Millen if he had the authority, and apparently someone important took note. The ownership likes Rod Marinelli, so don't expect him to leave.

Going 4-0 in the preseason means nothing. Don't even mention it. I will stab you if you do.

Panthers head coach John Fox could have played Ned Beatty's character in the last Superman movie. Hopefully Hollywood will get him on speed-dial when they get around to remaking Deliverance.

Matt Bryant will kick for Tampa Bay today, despite the inexplicable death of his infant son Wednesday morning.

The Brian Billick Coors Light Commercials are almost as horrible as the Brian Billick offensive years in Baltimore. But this segment he did on the 8-man front for NFL Network was pretty solid.

Broncos QB Jay Cutler has diabetes. We get it. Call me when he gets engaged to an ex-Raiderette, as John Elway did last week.

And now, your slate of 1 PM games:

Cleveland at Cincinnati, CBS
Houston at Jacksonville, CBS
Atlanta at Carolina, FOX
Denver at Kansas City, CBS
San Francisco at New Orleans, FOX
Arizona at NY Jets, FOX
Green Bay at Tampa Bay, FOX
Minnesota at Tennessee, FOX

• Down eight to Washington with upwards of 20 seconds remaining, Tim Rattay threw the potential game-tying touchdown, but coach Ken Whisenhunt kept Big Daddy Drew's suicide pick intact by letting Anquan Boldin, who is such an ineffective quarterback he's actually a wide receiver, throw an incompletion on the two-point conversion. I haven't seen video of this, but I sure hope to, as it's truly a remarkable way to ensure loss to the Redskins. The Cardinals did recover the ensuing onside kick, but Neil Rackers is not a 55-yard-field goal type of dude. Redskins 21, Cardinals 19

• Even though Willis McGahee had himself a heck of a game, Buffalo moved to 2-1 with Trent Edwards as their starter. I am officially confused as to whether or not Baltimore is a good team. They're 0-2 on Sundays in which I control Deadspin. I trust the generous people of Baltimore can understand this is just a coincidence. Bills 19, Ravens 14

• The onslaught continued, but Miami was feisty enough to put up a few points at the end, showing what happens when New England puts in Matt Cassel at quarterback. See, nation, this is why the Patriots have to run up the score. Otherwise they lose. Opposing New England's methods is like opposing the glorious Burmese military junta. "Brady throws for | six more scores | that's why he gets | all the whores | Burma-Shave" Patriots 49, Dolphins 28

• A little "yessss" sounded in Joey Harrington's head as the body of Will Smith collided with Byron Leftwich, resulting in Bobby Petrino having to throw Harrington into the fourth quarter to complete the comeback. (Trust me, if Petrino could have used Brian Brohm today, he would have.) I didn't see the three Harrington-engineered drives that resulted in just one field goal, but I can only assume that he was a very nice guy even as the clock hit double-zero. Saints 22, Falcons 16

• I like typing sentences one will never get to type again, such as "Rob Bironas kicked eight field goals, overcoming Sage Rosenfels and his four touchdown passes." Titans 38, Texans 36

• Mike Nolan wore a tie for this!? Giants 33, 49ers 15

Five more games going on right now. Dallas-Minnesota seems to be the lesser of five evils.

HOU 17, CAR 14
What's with every wide receiver catching two TDs today? Steve Smith has a double, as does Andre Johnson.

CLE 27, CIN 21
I'm getting really fucking tired of Chad Johnson's all talk-no walk TD celebrations. He scored a touchdown, but bitched out of jumping in the Dawg Pound. Instead he just stood around lookin' like a confused freshman at his first day of high school.

IND 16, TEN 6
Bironas can't do it all by himself, damn it! C'mon, Titans.

TB 21, NO 0
If I were any good with MS Paint I would draw a picture of me scratching my head. Joey Galloway has two TDs for the Pirates.

STL 13, SF 7
Stephen Jackson has 43 yards, but still no trips to the end zone. Thank God he slipped to the eight round in my grandfather's fantasy league.

NYG 10, GB 7
Elisha has thrown 143 yards and a touchdown to Plaxico. You try doing that with a tampon in.

ATL 7, JAX 3
At one point today, Joey Harrington was your weekly NFL passing leader. The end is near.