Stanley Cup

But it's times like these when desperate inspiration kicks into overdrive. After flipping through this Stanley Cup celebration gallery. I figured this would be the perfect day to test this out. Send in your own ideas for next week, so we can make Sundays at Deadspin more absurdly enjoyable. Subject: Pointless Sunday Gallery Post.

Kate Moss

Pete Doherty dangled his model ladyfriend/drug buddy Kate Moss out of a window. Is she playing a kazoo? Unlike the Stanley Cup, Kate Moss was not paraded around in the streets after this occurred.

Michael Jackson's Baby

"Blanket" or whatever its name was part of the most famous act of child endangeerment. I believe Michael Jackson is still its father, or was the baby sold to pay off back taxes? I haven't kept up.

Random Turkish Babies

Well, I'm sure this baby was dangled before it was dropped four stories. The cop below caught it in his jacket, apparently.

Random Pieces of Furniture

This is what comes up when you type the word "defenestrate" into Google images. Yay, for Apartment Therapy.

Game One is on Saturday night and that might seem a little sudden, but it's better than the alternative of June 5, which is what NBC originally wanted. That would have a meant a layoff of nine days from the end of the conference finals. NBC relented thanks to Detroit's quick work of Chicago, however, NBC insisted that if they carry Games 1 and 2 both must be played on the same weekend, the first time that's happened since 1955. The network wants nothing to do with weekday games (Games 3 and 4 will be on Versus) because next week is Conan OBrien's first as the new host of The Tonight Show. If any of those terrible, terrible games went into overtime delaying the start of his watered down not-as-late night comedy, Chris Osgood and Marc-Andre Fleury would have to be murdered just like the cast of My Name Is Earl.

If it reaches Game Six, then NBC supposes they can probably interrupt their awesome Celebrity Fat Club Crimefighters summer schedule to show some sports. Unless Jay Leno wants to sing a song or something.

Red Wings, Penguins get earlier start [AP]
Stanley Cup Final to Start on Saturday and Sunday After Wings Win [NY Times]
Stanley Cup finals opens on NBC [Daily Gazette]
TV Schedule [Versus]

Hockey tradition (well, superstition anyway) dictates that players not touch the conference championship trophies for fear of jinxing their shot to lift the Stanley Cup. There's nothing to it really, since several teams—including Mario Lemieux's championship Penguins—have carried both in the same season. And as Crosby himself pointed out, he didn't lay a finger on the trophy last year and look what that got him.

Speaking of last year, a win by the Red Wings tonight will set up a rematch of that Finals, won by the Wings in six games. It's hard to know how much either team has improved since then. Both had slightly worse regular seasons this year than last, but have looked more and more sharp has the playoffs have progressed. One can only hope that the Finals will be more like the thrilling second round of this year's postseason than the snoozer of a third. One thing is certain, however: Whatever Three Rivers bridges Bill Cowher didn't burn are now in worse shape the one on the River Kwai after the stunt he pulled last night. You might have grown up in North Carolina, but dude ... that's not cool.

Penguins' dress rehearsal for trophy display [Pittsburgh Post Gazette]
Some say Pens mightier than they used to be [Detroit Free Press]
Bill Cowher cranks Hurricanes' siren before Game 4 [NHL]
Related: Wings' Hotel Doesn't Carry Versus [Winging It In Motown]

Once again, Kobe did work, perhaps because he wanted to remind everyone that LeBron isn't the only superstar left in these playoffs. He finished with 41 points, the second time in this series he has dropped more than 40, and, for that matter, did not visibly cry. It was a good night — except not for Carmelo, who went scoreless in the third and all but disappeared after intermission, changing the tenor of this series and giving the momentum right back to Kobe and Co.

And even though Bryant broke out and left all his oxygen on the floor, it was Derek Fisher — he of four points and two assists in 26 minutes — who rallied the team with a fourth-quarter rendition of Win One for the Gipper.

Thus Fisher's speech, which he didn't want to repeat to the media, but was forced to because so many of his teammates were marveling about it.

"I told them, this was a moment in time when you can define yourself," Fisher said. "I told them, this was a moment when you can step into that destiny."

Fisher said he summed up the speech in a sentence.

"I told them, this is your moment," he said.

Must be a Kelly Clarkson fan. Or he prefers Jordin Sparks. Either way, it's pretty clear, at this point, that Fisher is a big American Idol fan.

In other action last night, the Penguins smacked the Hurricanes 6-2 to take a 3-0 series lead. That type of advantage, we're often told, is commanding.

Melo at a loss to explain cold spell [ESPN]
Derek Fisher finds the words and Lakers find a way to win [LA Times]

The Hurricanes announced this weekend that Walker's wife, Julie, was diagnosed with cervical cancer during the second-round series against Boston. While that is no excuse, it certainly could be an explanation for why he went loco on Ward's face in Game 5—attacking him while he was engaged with another player then punching him in the mouth, even though Ward had not dropped his gloves or raised a fist. It would also explain why he did not play particularly well in the final games of the series, right up until the moment when he tore the Bruins heart out with his only goal of the playoffs.

Funny, how that made him one of the most dastardly evildoers in hockey ... and now he's its most sentimental hero.

"The last couple [of] games, I don't even really remember playing them," Walker said. "I talked to [Maurice] about that. I played those games, and sometimes I would look up or at the end of the game, I'd be like, 'Wow, we just played a game.' I was trying to do my job and play as hard as I could and try and keep my mind as calm as I could. After that game [Thursday], so much emotion went out of me."

So the headline goes from "Colossal Jerk Stomps On Bruins Playoff Dreams" to "Courageous Do-Gooder Scores Miracle Goal For Dying Wife," all because of that one little twist in the story. (His wife is expected to make a full recovery, by the way.) It's kind of like how Episodes I-III made Darth Vader seem like a bit of a whiny baby.

How playoffs' biggest villain became NHL's sympathetic underdog [Puck Daddy]
Goal released Walker's burden [News & Observer]

The Blackhawks lost Game One of the Western Conference Finals yesterday, but Burish's head is still attached to the rest of his body so I guess he has that going for him. Teammate Ben Eager got tangled up with a Red Wing player in the second period and his foot—you know the one with the freshly sharpened blade of steely death attached to it?—came flying up over his head, slicing Burish in the neck. Don't worry, it was only ... *sweet jeebus how is he still alive?!!!?* ... a scratch.

And there go my Cheerios....

Chicago's Adam Burish escapes tragedy [Detroit News]

At least we have two more chances to get some kind of thrilling finish to round two. Not that two goals in eight seconds wasn't exciting. Or watching Pittsburgh take batting practice on Simeon Varlamov. And one of the big stars in this marquee matchup did come through—an assist and two goals for Sidney Crosby, including a nail in the coffin breakaway. But it's safe to say that fans were hoping for a little more from this showdown and it didn't quite deliver. Maybe they'll get it from the Red Wings and Ducks? This is why you should always have a backup plan. Or two.

Fleury's theft on Ovechkin sparks Penguins [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
Sidney Crosby steals spotlight in Game 7 showdown [Sporting News]
Washington Capitals Crushed; D.C. Waits On Its Sports World To Change [State Sports]

Steve Mazefsky is a die-hard Penguins fan, but he actually bought a custom Scott Hartnell Flyers jersey just to annoy the Philadelphia forward during the playoffs. Well, he did alter it a little bit—it says "FARTSMELL." (He even got it autographed!) Mazefsky's rec room is coated in a residue of Pittsburgh memorabilia and he actually owns about 60 sweaters, several of which were ordered simply to razz opposing players. There's really no point to this story other than to say that there aren't a lot of people willing to take things that far and if you are that type of person, then you scare me.

It's also the only way I could think off to lead into tonight's Game 7 between the Penguins-Capitals. It will be the first of three seventh games in the next two days, and there isn't much else to say except, holy crap this has been an exciting round of playoff hockey. If you would like to hear more this biting, yet insightful anaylsis, I'll actually be providing some of it on "NHL Live" tomorrow (12-2 on XM/Sirius; also on NHL Network and NHL.com; toot, toot.) Because when you think "Deadspin," you think hockey. I just hope they don't ask me questions about Canadian landmarks.

Seriously, watch the game tonight. How often do you get to see two of the best players in any sport—on two pretty good teams—square off against each other in a do-or-die matchup like this. If this Game 7 can't get people to care about hockey, then I'm not sure what will. Maybe a third period knife fight or something.

MEET A TRUE SUPERFAN: STEVE MAZEFSKY [Mondesi's House]

The Capitals and Penguins played their third overtime game in four tries last night, with Washington pulling this one out to force a much anticipated Game 7. The series has had everything. Close games, great saves and the big stars have delivered the goods, too. (Thirteen points for Ovechkin, six goals for Crosby.) Plus, anyone who stuck around on Versus last night saw a 12-goal shootout between the Blackhawks and Canucks that was nothing to sneeze at. A great night for hockey and it wasn't the first or the last of this year.

This series, and this whole Stanley Cup playoff, have been exactly what the doctored ordered for NHL. We tease Versus, but their coverage has been mostly excellent and—most importantly—covered. Between them and NBC nearly every game has available on TV and there have been a lot of good ones in both conferences. The league is slowly but surely working its way back from oblivion and hyped up battles like this are just the kind of attention that it needs. There are two Games 6 tonight, then Caps and Penguins do it again on Wednesday, and soon the Blackhawks' own young stars will have get their chance to show off. So if you're not paying attention, then start.

Unless you don't even like hockey, in which case, screw you.

Penguins, Capitals take series to the hilt
Chicago Blackhawks' poster boys wrap up improbable second-round win [ESPN]

Since Walker's one-man fight earned an instigator penalty in the final minutes of the game, he was automatically suspended for one game and his coach was fined $10,000 as mandated by league rules. Except the rule also allows the league to rescind that automatic suspension, which sort of the negates the purpose of the word "automatic." Instead, Ward got a $2,500 fine and will be in the lineup when his team tries to put away Boston at home on Tuesday night. Bruins coach Claude Julien is so put out right now:

"In reviewing what I saw, I just didn't like what happened. I just don't think there was any need for that. He sucker-punched him once coming into the scrum when [Ward] was involved with another player. He dropped his gloves and sucker-punched him. I don't care what people say about Ward should have protected himself. He had no intentions of getting involved. We asked our guys to stay composed and not fall into that trap. He did just that. A guy with Walker's experience should know better than to sucker-punch a guy."

Walker told the league that he thought he was in the middle of the fight, so it doesn't really matter that Ward didn't agree with that assessment and allowed himself to get clocked in the face. Ward will travel to Carolina for Game 6, but will likely be a game-time decision. Head on a swivel, kids! (Preferably a swivel with an airbag.)

Testing continues for Ward [Boston Globe]
Walker states his case, avoids suspension for Ward punch [Puck Daddy]

(Rick Tocchet's still playing, right? Or at least dating Elisha Cuthbert?) But maybe there's a lesson about reeling in more casual fans for the NHL in the shrieking horror-dance: perhaps the league can drum up more interest in the playoffs by releasing wild animals in the arenas to spice up the coverage. We'd tune in to every damn game if we knew Barry Melrose and an alligator were going to face-off at rinkside before they dropped the puck.

Lisa Hillary Sees a Rat, Gary Starts Tweeting [WaPo DC Sports Blog]

The Capitals have a 2-0 lead now and Pittsburgh will find itself in a must-win situation at home on Wednesday night, but no one can complain that the two superstars have not delivered so far. The two gentlemen traded hat tricks last night and have four goals a piece in the series—and Sidney Crosby was robbed on a "all-time" save by Simeon Varlamov that's been replayed everywhere, so there's been more than enough to talk about.

The "can you top this" vibe going on in Game 2 certainly raises hopes for more competitive wackiness in games to come. Crosby actually complained to officials after Capitals fans caused two hat-tossing delays in celebration of Alexander Ovechkin's third, but something tells me Sid the Kid wouldn't mind returning the favor back in Pittsburgh. And he'll probably have to if the series is going more than four games—which is something the NHL desperately needs. A seven-gamer between these two teams—and these two players—doesn't even have to be on par with Celtics-Bulls in order to give the league a new lease on life and put hockey back in the "National Conversation."

So either the Penguins need to get their act together or Gary Bettman needs to get some crooked officials in there ASAP.

Crosby, Ovechkin stage an epic battle [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
Ovechkin, Crosby trade hats; a few too many for Sid in loss [Puck Daddy]
Game 2 Memories: The Crosby Taunters [DC Sports Bog]

Unless you're in the growing league of Martin Brodeur haters. In that case, the last minute of the Devils-Hurricanes will give you sweet, sweet dreams. At least three of the four goals that he gave up last night have been labeled as "soft," and letting two slip by you in the last 80 seconds just isn't good for morale. And sorry, folks, but he's not going to take all the blame.

Against a team that luck follows against us, we let them hang around and the puck bounced on their side again. We had our chances to get the puck out on that shift. ... I was in a good position, he made a better shot. Players with that much speed are going to make some shots. We were trying all series to not let him have that much speed."

As for Carolina, they get Boston now, a team that's been sitting on their hands since sweeping Montreal about eight weeks ago. (Oh, and the Capitals beat the Rangers, of course, completing their 3-1 comeback.) That was a pleasant little first-round wasn't it?

SHOCKED BRODEUR KNOWS LOSS WILL BE FROZEN IN TIME [New York Post]
New Jersey Devils' stunning playoff exit against Carolina Hurricanes [Star-Ledger]
Hurricanes manufacture a miracle in 80 seconds [News & Observer]

For the second time in four years, the winner of the President's Trophy has been bounced from the Stanley Cup Playoffs in the first round. This time it's a six-game defeat by the no-longer-Mighty Ducks, and Sharks fans are probably none too pleased. It's a second straight postseason disappointment for San Jose and the only solution seems to be breaking up the team and starting over.

Or lots of alcohol and bitter tears. If you happen to know any Northern California hockey fans, try not to make any sudden movements around them today.

To ask a man to recap tonight is akin to watching Mr. T punch your significant other in the face while you are getting teabagged by Gilbert Brown.

I'm not really sure what that means, but that sounds bad. On the bright side, you still get to live in San Jose!

The sounds of silence after yet another post-season flameout [Working the Corners]
Sharks again all talk, no playoff substance [Yahoo]
.... [Fear The Fin]

P.S. The Flames were also eliminated by Chicago last night and there are two Game 7s on tap this evening, so buy popcorn.