Chad Hampton won the South Carolina boys Class A cross-country championship, wearing stock Air Jordans, the type you'd buy off the shelves — to play basketball. While not high tops, I can't overemphasize how uncomfortable that has to be. With solid ankle support, and weighing at least twice as much as normal track and field shoes, Hampton should have a minute shaved off his time for sheer badassery.

Oh, and his shoes were untied.

But maybe running's not your thing. Maybe you're a club whore who can't live without your 4-inch heels, but can't bear the thought of wearing shoes without a Jumpman logo. Well you're in luck, because we we found the perfect footwear for the woman who's a lady on the court but a freak in the sheets.

While the heels are Chinese knockoffs, there's an untapped market here. Imagine: AIr Jordan penny loafers, Air Jordan combat boots, AIr Jordan ballet slippers. If only MJ was the sort of person who'd put his name on just anything to make a quick buck.

The Orlando Sentinel's Iliana Limon reports:

UCF promised Marcus Jordan, son of NBA legend Michael Jordan, that he could wear his father's Nike Air Jordan brand for the Knights' basketball team this season.

The problem? UCF has an exclusive $3 million, six-year contract with adidas that requires all coaches and athletes to use the company's shoes, apparel and game equipment.

And now UCF and adidas are at an impasse, leaving an 18-year-old freshman with a famous father caught in the middle.

"When I was being recruited, we talked about it," Marcus Jordan said. "They said they had talked to the adidas people, and it wasn't going to be a problem. I think everybody understands how big of a deal it is for my family."

The deal has strained the relationship between UCF and one of its most important business partners, complicating current contract-renewal negotiations. The university's agreement with the company expires in 2010.

So, on the one hand, you have the contractual obligations owed to a needlessly hard-assed, Nazi-founded global apparel company; on the other, the personal autonomy of a kid who is fighting for his right to hand over his autonomy to a different global apparel company, per the wishes of his world-famous sneaker-pimp daddy. The only honorable thing to do here, it would seem, is for Jordan the Younger to follow Dad's example and wrap his feet in the American flag.

Shoes of Michael Jordan's son may risk UCF adidas deal [Orlando Sentinel]

The woman is Heather Langendorfer, owner of Atalanta Athletic Ware and the inventor of some kind of "running skirt" that is both stylish and not revealing enough for your typical perv. Her website advertises the gear with the slogan "Does this skirt make my butt look fast?" She recently discovered that Nike was selling a product with a very similar catchphrase, even though she held a trademark on hers. That's so unlike them!

To be fair to Nike, they may have been inspired by Langendorfer, but they created something that's totally not the same. Nike is selling t-shirts that say "Does this shirt make my butt look fast?" See the difference? It's probably a little complicated for someone like you that doesn't have an advanced degree in marketing, but if you can't see how that's not trademark infringement, then you'll be getting a call for Nike's lawyers.

Langendorfer should win the case, provided she has a large team of highly-skilled copyright lawyers and an endless supply of cash. Wait, she doesn't have that? Oh ... then enjoy your new Nike Butt Shorts™.

Does This Lawsuit Make My Butt Look Litigious? [SF Weekly]

Remember that it was Kobe who alerted Dwyane Wade to the dunk and who encouraged him to "give [LeBron] stuff about this." And now here, via The Baseline, is video of Kobe at his own camp, saying:

I'll tell you one thing: You ain't dunking on me in my camp.

To which the campers responded with a loud, sustained, "Ooooh." Look at what you've gone and done, Nike. You've made LeBron look like a glowering corporate pout, and you've allowed Kobe — work-doin', self-mythologizin' Kobe Bryant — to pretend to be some puckish blithe spirit, which he most definitely isn't. Lame. Of course, it should also be noted that Kobe was speaking to what appears to be a gym full of 14-year-olds, who, let's be honest, probably haven't dunked on anything not made by Nerf.

Video: Kobe "You Ain't Dunkin' On Me At My Camp" [You Been Blinded]
Kobe Weighs in on LeBron's Missing Dunk [The Baseline]
Kobe Leads 'Free Jordan Crawford' Charge Against LeBron [FanHouse]

4chan, helpfully described as "the asshole of the Internet," also has some boards that don't traffic in furry porn and Raptor Jesus. Specifically, /sp/ their sports board. The lovable scamps discovered that Nike has live customer support chat. What follows are selected unedited transcripts. If only Mumia had such devoted supporters.

Ann: Hi, my name is Ann. How may I help you?
Joy Cotlor: Hi Ann...LeBaron James is my favorite athlete, so that's why I only buy Nike
Joy Cotlor: I've been looking for Lebron video that happened this week
Joy Cotlor: But someone said Nike took all the copies
Joy Cotlor: Do you know anything about it
Joy Cotlor: ?
Ann: Hi Joy
Ann: The Lebron video!
Ann: I have been hearing about that video!
Joy Cotlor: You know the one I mean ;)
Ann: I will check and see what is happening with that
Joy Cotlor: I bet they show it to all you employees
Joy Cotlor: and threaten to break your thumbs if you leak it
Joy Cotlor: BUt at least tell me about it! Did Lebron cry?
Ann: I wonder what happened?
Ann: I am checking
Ann: I don't actually know what Lebron's reaction was
Joy Cotlor: Guess!
Ann: Nike is very interested in any comments you might have about this event!
Joy Cotlor: Will you drop him as your spokesman since he got dunked on?
Joy Cotlor: It's kind of lame - I think I like Chris Mihm better now
Ann: I can forward that to our Nike Team!
Joy Cotlor: Awesome
Ann: And thank you for taking the time to tell us about your reaction
Ann: Are you satisfied with the resolution I've provided today?
Joy Cotlor: Oh yes very
Ann: You prefer Chris Mihm?
Joy Cotlor: Tell LEBron I am unsatisfied with his defense in the paint
Joy Cotlor: Chris Mihm doesn't get dunked on by high schoolers
Joy Cotlor: Ok Ann thanks for all your help
Ann: I will forward that as well

...

Shane: Hi, my name is Shane. How may I help you?
Chris Pablo: Hey shane.
Chris Pablo: release the tape :D
Shane: Hello!
Chris Pablo: ya?
Chris Pablo: Come on :D
Shane: Let me see what I can do.
Chris Pablo: :D
Chris Pablo: You rock Shane :D
Chris Pablo: ._. waiting patiently....
Shane: Well, I've looked through all of my resources to see that I can do. At this point in time all I can do is to put this into feedback for you.
Chris Pablo: Feed back of the video of lebron in mpg format?
Chris Pablo: maybe? :D
Shane: Hah, I'm afraid it isn't that kind of feedback.
Chris Pablo: How about for a cool twenty?
Chris Pablo: :D

...

ablo Chris: We meet again shane... the video... gimme nao.. :3
Shane: Hello, Pablo what can I do for you today?
Pablo Chris: Seriously. You don't remember me.... the cool twenty?
Shane: Ha, Yes sir I remember. What can I do for you today?
Pablo Chris:dont play games with me boi.... the vid...nao.....
Pablo Chris: The lebron vid nao....
Pablo Chris: Do not ingore me shane..... D:
Shane: Im sorry, as I said before, we will leave the apporiate feedback in your email.
Pablo Chris: Shane!@ shane listen to me! your better than that! get the vid! dont talk like one of them! your not! even thou you want to be ur not!
Pablo Chris: SHANE!
Pable Chris: ANSWER ME DAMIT!
Shane has disconnected

...

Bonnie: Hi, my name is Bonnie. How may I help you?
Phillip McDillington: Oh hi Bonnie
Phillip McDillington: My friend was talking to me, about this LeBron James video
Phillip McDillington: anyways
Phillip McDillington: he said if I talked to one of you guys
Phillip McDillington: I could see it
Phillip McDillington: and at first
Phillip McDillington: I was like, that's stupid
Phillip McDillington: because, I don't like basketball
Phillip McDillington: but then
Phillip McDillington: he mentioned something about porn or something
Phillip McDillington: and that kind of peaked my interest
Phillip McDillington: and I was like
Phillip McDillington: where do I get this video
Phillip McDillington: because Im not gay
Phillip McDillington: but seeing LeBron James without a shirt off
Phillip McDillington: I would like, celebrate like he did against orlando
Phillip McDillington: where he was like screaming and cheering and shit
Phillip McDillington: I imagine that's how he climaxes
Phillip McDillington: anyways
Phillip McDillington: can I get said video?
Phillip McDillington: and what do you know about it?
Bonnie: Hi Phillip, that video has been removed, we cannot get it or market it and that is all that I know about it.
Phillip McDillington: Seriously?
Phillip McDillington: It has been removed?
Phillip McDillington: So it was up at one point?
Phillip McDillington: So can you like search your site history and like look for it again?
Phillip McDillington: Because thats what I do when I like go find something and then like forget where I found it
Bonnie: I hope you satisfied with the service I've provided today.
Bonnie has disconnected.

...

Shane: Hi, my name is Shane. How may I help you?
Richard Corbeau: Is Bonnie around? I need to speak to Bonnie
Richard Corbeau: It's IMPERATIVE I speak to Bonnie!
Richard Corbeau: WHERE'S BONNIE?!
Shane: Let me see if she is available.
Richard Corbeau: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER, YOU CREEP?! OH GOD, THE BLOOD
Richard Corbeau: thanks :3

Brian Windhorst of the Cleveland Plain Dealer got a statement (and then went out of his way to leap chivalrously to LeBron's defense):

"Nike has been operating basketball camps for the benefit of young athletes for decades and has longstanding policies in place regarding what events are open and closed to media coverage," Nike spokesman KeJuan Wilkins said.

"Unfortunately, for the first time in four years, two journalists did not respect our 'no videotaping' policy at an after-hours pick-up game Monday evening following the LeBron James Skills Academy."

This runs counter to everything freelance videographer Ryan Miller said yesterday. On a Syracuse.com blog, Miller provides a PDF of the camp's media policy (which doesn't mention any special restrictions on videotaping) and notes that the pickup game was not, in fact, after hours:

It was during the regularly scheduled "College Workout #3" portion of the LeBron James Skills Academy. That session ran from 8:30-10:15 on Monday night and the filming took place during that designated time slot.

So now we've apparently come to the fun stage of the story where the corporate factotum starts fibbing like mad, and the newspaper dudes condescend to the whole Internet. Awesome. And all we ever wanted was a grainy YouTube clip of the best basketball player in the world being turned momentarily into Shawn Bradley. We'll never get that now, but here, at least, is Jordan Crawford — suddenly the most famous baller in Xavier history, though he's yet to play a minute for the Musketeers — bearing witness:

I came down the middle. He just happened to be there. ... I was geeked about it, more than anything, just because it's LeBron.

Video of the interview below:

Nike officials claim media rules prompted confiscation of video of college player's pickup-game slam over LeBron James [Plain Dealer]
Ryan Miller's response to Nike's LeBron James Skills Academy statement [Syracuse.com]
EARLIER:
The Dunk Was "As Good As It Could've Been Hyped Up To Be"
LeBron Gets Dunked On; None Of Us Are Witnesses

PHOTOSHOP: Submitted by commenter XavierMusketeer

Miller spoke with WHTK-AM in Rochester, N.Y., where he apparently used to intern. You can listen to the podcast here. A rough transcript:

Ryan Miller: [The dunk] was good. I haven't looked online to read too much about it. It was as good as it could've been hyped up to be. LeBron's team actually lost two out of three games to these college guys. It was LeBron; Danny Green, the rookie; Christian Eyenga, the rookie; Tarence Kinsey, who's on the team; and one of LeBron's high school buddies. And Jordan Crawford blew by Danny Green, the kid from North Carolina on the Cavs. And LeBron came for some help defense, and they jumped at the same time, and he threw it down with two hands over LeBron. This is, like, a 6-foot-4 kid.

Interviewer: Man. So then, when you get word that they want your camera, then, how did that all break down?

Miller: It's funny because LeBron's team won that game, actually, [the one] with the dunk. And then LeBron's team lost the next game to the same group of college guys. And LeBron was just standing there, grabbing some water, 'cause it was winners stay on, so LeBron had to sit out a game. And I actually went up and introduced myself and said, "Hey, I'm Ryan Miller." LeBron's good friends with Jonny Flynn, and I know Jonny real well, and I was like, "[I'm] good friends with Jonny." Jonny gave me a little message to tell LeBron if I ended up seeing him. He's like, "Oh, where are you from?" I said, "Syracuse" — [it was a] "nice to meet you" type of thing. He's pretty friendly. Then two minutes later, I saw him go over to Lynn Merritt, the director of basketball at Nike, and then he was talking to him for a second, and then Lynn brought me and another camera guy over. We were the only two people filming — it was later at night — and they said, we need your tape. They claimed you weren't supposed to be shooting the college and the pro guys working out, and I was told earlier in the day that you could, and there was no media policy saying you couldn't. It had to have been because LeBron — he played terribly all day, actually. Those three games he played terribly. So my guess is he didn't want anybody seeing the footage. That's the only thing we could think of.

Interviewer: So when you get your camera or tape — so that tape is gone?

Miller: I don't know what happened to it. He originally claimed, well, like, these guys are just getting in shape right now, these Cavs guys. People don't need to be seeing 'em. He was kind of giving me the runaround with different excuses. There was a guy in charge of the media who took my tape, and he's like, "You know what, lemme just pass this by the Nike guys, and I'll give it back to you in the morning." But the next morning, he said the director at Nike actually wanted the tape himself, so I have no idea where it is.

Miller goes on to talk about how he lived with his college roommate's grandmother last summer but now Ben Howland is paying for his dinner or something, so life is all skittles and beer, even if he is getting his stuff jacked by a gargantuan shoe company and the best basketball player in the world.

Podcasts [WHTK]
EARLIER: LeBron Gets Dunked On; None Of Us Are Witnesses

Maybe this is an ungenerous reading. But it's hard not to see the commercial as another expression of Armstrong's galactic persecution complex, one that completes the process whereby the cyclist has wrapped himself so completely in his own worthy cause that anyone who questions the one is necessarily questioning the other. Slate.com's Bill Gifford is exactly right to argue this is a move cribbed from the playbook of resentment politics ("Sarah Palin in spandex?" the headline asks). Gifford writes of the commercial:

Over somber piano music, we see black-and-white scenes of doctors at an operating table, cancer patients in hospital gowns, a bald man hooked up to a respirator, a man with one leg on a treadmill. All of this is intercut with scenes of Armstrong riding his bike. "The critics say I'm arrogant," Armstrong says. "A doper. Washed up. A fraud. That I couldn't let it go." Pause. "They can say whatever they want. I'm not back on my bike for them."

It's jarring, dramatic, and memorable-and not in a good way. While it's curious that a multinational company chooses to sell athletic wear in this fashion, the ad is even more interesting for what it tells us about Armstrong's psyche. On its surface, it reinforces the idea that Lance is standing behind the victims of a disease that nearly claimed his life. That is indisputable. It also, however, pushes the idea that Armstrong is some kind of savior. His Shepard Fairey-designed bikes are emblazoned with two numbers. The first, 1,274, is the number of days between his last race and his comeback. The second, 27.2, represents the number of people, in millions, who died from the disease during that time. Is Armstrong suggesting that there's some kind of causal link between him not riding his bike and people dying from cancer?

The ad also implies, disturbingly, that the cyclist's "critics"-and that includes everyone who thinks he's arrogant-are equivalent to cancer. It is apparently not enough for him to ride his bike and lead a positive campaign. He can't help but go after his detractors at the same time. And you thought Sarah Palin was divisive.

Armstrong's petulance is understandable, at least to a point: He's been held up as the face of doping in a sport that owes its very existence to doping. Its earliest practitioners were, as author John Hoberman has written, "continuing the work of of experimental physiologists interested in learning how much abuse animals or humans could take" and who, to weather the stress, spiked their coffee with cocaine and strychnine and took nitroglycerin to aid their breathing. If he has been persecuted, it has been for the sins of his own sport.

The result, however, is that he has curdled into the joyless, scowling Nixon-on-a-bike we see today, one who snarks at his critics from his Twitter account and who needs useful idiots like Rick Reilly to lighten up his image. (Seriously, read Reilly's latest. He talks to Armstrong's bare ass.) This may render him largely insufferable to a segment of the public, but it makes him a perfect pitchman for a shoe company that sells a certain spirit of sporty resentment, and sells it hard. The Nike commercial is the latest step in Armstrong's personal evolution. He has critic-proofed himself. In his mind, he is beyond any questions of guilt and innocence now. He is the Messiah of the infirm.

JerkStrong [Slate.com]

CBSSports.com's Gary Parrish has the story:

Turns out, there were at least two cameras rolling Monday night when Crawford dunked on James during a pick-up game here at the LeBron James Skills Academy. It was a two-handed jam, the kind that would've circulated quickly on YouTube. But Nike officials eliminated that possibility shortly after the dunk happened by allegedly confiscating tapes from various cameramen.

Freelance photographer Ryan Miller was one of the cameramen shooting the game.

He told CBSSports.com that Nike Basketball Senior Director Lynn Merritt took his tape.

"He just said, 'We have to take your tape,'" Miller said. "They took it from other guys, too."

Worth noting is that there is no policy against filming at the LeBron James Skills Academy, and Miller said he had been filming all day without incident. Nobody ever told him to stop. Nobody ever said there was a problem ... until after Crawford dunked on James.

"LeBron called Lynn over and told him something," Miller said. "That's how I knew his name was Lynn. LeBron said, 'Hey, Lynn. Come here.'"

Minutes later, Miller said Merritt demanded his tape.

"There's nothing I can think of besides LeBron just not wanting it online," Miller said. "It's a good story to tell people, I guess. But then again, I'm kind of pissed. I lost my tape."

If that's how it went down — if King James really sent a Swoosh drone to go all FBI-in-Dealey-Plaza on the cameramen — then that's surpassingly lame. Give the kid his YouTube moment. Congratulate him. Shake him by the hand. Or, you know, don't.

Nike does not want you to see that dunk [CBSSports.com]

Three years ago, a small company called SportsFuzion saw an opportunity. They convinced the Basketball of Hall of Fame to sell them "exclusive worldwide rights to the Hall of Fame's trade names, logos, trademarks, designs, and photos for use in sportswear." At the time, those rights didn't seem that valuable, because who buys a hat that says "Hall of Fame" on it? But SportsFuzion, was thinking ahead because they knew that in three years Michael Jordan would be in the Hall of Fame, and people will buy anything even remotely associated with Michael Jordan.

So, they took their idea—and their licensing rights—to Nike and made their pitch. And Nike passed. Michael Jordan and the Hall of Fame isn't really going to work for Brand Jordan. Thanks, but no thanks.

Then two months later, the Hall of Fame suddenly decides they don't want to be in business with SportsFuzion. They want to renegotiate their contract. Oh, and look at that ... Nike is now selling their own Jordan Hall of Fame gear! Yes, in a shocking turn of events, one of the richest companies in the world had gone behind the back of a smaller, weaker competitor and cut them out of their biggest deal ever. That almost never happens.

Does SportsFuzion have a case? Does it matter? Because this is not a inspiring sports movie, I'm going to say it doesn't. The money they could have made in a fair deal would have been lost in Nike's couch cushions, but you don't become the most powerful sports company on Earth by sharing. So yeah, sorry, SportsFuzion. That's what you get for thinking too much.

Full press release on the lawsuit below:

NIKE and the NBA Basketball Hall of Fame Sued for Fraud and Other Claims by SportsFuzion Over Michael Jordan Products

Boston, MA, June 24, 2009 – SportsFuzion, Inc., a sportswear company and the exclusive licensee of the Basketball Hall of Fame's sportswear has filed a lawsuit in Norfolk Superior Court in Massachusetts against NIKE, Inc. (NYSE: NKE) and the NBA Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame alleging breach of contract, tortious interference with contract, fraud, and other counts for general and punitive damages. The lawsuit comes after NIKE and the Hall of Fame conspired to eliminate SportsFuzion by manufacturing, marketing, and selling sportswear related to Michael Jordan's upcoming Hall of Fame induction. Since 2006, SportsFuzion has been the owner of the exclusive worldwide rights to the Hall of Fame's trade names, logos, trademarks, designs, and photos for use in sportswear.

Leveraging Michael Jordan's highly anticipated Hall of Fame induction, NIKE will release its Air Jordan Hall of Fame (HOF) Collection into the market this summer. NIKE recently launched a major campaign to promote these products. This campaign includes the website www.getyourbasketballon.com featuring several videos of the fictitious character – Leroy Smith – who supposedly inspired Michael Jordan to greatness. It is estimated that NIKE could sell over $100 million of Michael Jordan Hall of Fame products worldwide.

Beginning in 2005, legal teams for SportsFuzion and the Hall of Fame spent nearly a year negotiating the exclusive worldwide licensing agreement. More than three years ago, SportsFuzion created the concept and a detailed marketing plan around a product line for Michael Jordan's induction into the Hall of Fame. "In 2005, I knew that Michael Jordan's induction would be the biggest event in the Hall of Fame's history and, like his impact on the NBA and the game of basketball, this product opportunity was enormous," said Andrew Mirken, president and co-founder of SportsFuzion.

"SportsFuzion was built around my love and passion for basketball and my admiration for Michael Jordan," said Mirken, who has coached high school boys' basketball for almost 20 years. "Having the opportunity to work with Michael Jordan and all of the great athletes in the Hall of Fame was the dream of my lifetime. Having NIKE and the Hall of Fame go behind our backs to cut us out of the deal has become my worst nightmare."

After entering into the exclusive worldwide license agreement with SportsFuzion, senior level executives at the NBA helped arrange numerous meetings for SportsFuzion with Adidas/Reebok, Mitchell and Ness, and others in hopes of product partnerships being formed. Beginning in the fall of 2006, SportsFuzion met multiple times with top executives from Brand Jordan. After being provided with a copy of SportsFuzion's agreement with the Hall of Fame and after being educated about the opportunity, NIKE turned SportsFuzion down. Among the NIKE executives that considered SportsFuzion's proposal were Howard White, VP Sports Marketing Brand Jordan, who, on November 21, 2007 wrote SportsFuzion saying, "I just wanted to let you know that we've looked at the opportunity with the Hall of Fame from all angles. Our marketing people have looked at it along with our product team. At this time the team feels that it's not an opportunity that we can make happen. We really appreciate the time and consideration that you've given us here in Brand Jordan with Michael going into the Hall of Fame but we've explored every opportunity and at this current time there isn't a fit."

Two months later in January 2008, the Hall of Fame contacted SportsFuzion to "renegotiate" its contract. "It became clear to us that NIKE wanted to do a deal directly with the Hall of Fame and that meant the Hall of Fame had to get out of their agreement with us," said Steve Barlow, co-founder, lead investor and SportsFuzion Board Director. "It was a complete surprise when the Hall of Fame told us they did not understand the totality of the rights they granted our company and that our agreement was not good for the Hall of Fame. Nike's recent Michael Jordan Hall of Fame launch was a total shock to us because we had financed and built the company around this exclusive licensing agreement, and always operated in good faith. We sensed something unethical was in the works – and unfortunately we were right."

SportsFuzion, Inc. is a Massachusetts-based sportswear company that owns the exclusive worldwide rights to the Basketball Hall of Fame's trade names, logos, trademarks, designs, and photos for use in sportswear. SportsFuzion is represented in this matter by Fish & Richardson, the largest intellectual property law firm in the world.

# # #

On that yuletide day, Nike will unveil a new "chalk" version of the Zoom LeBron VI shoes, which features a silhouette of Mr. James preforming his signature chalk tossing move that he stole from Michael Jordan does in the tradition of former NBA greats. To help celebrate the occasion, all 20,000 Cavs fans in attendance will also receive a bag of chalk that they will be encouraged to throw in the air at same time James does. What?! How can that possibly be a good idea? Will they also provide free admission for asthma sufferers?

Nike Zoom LeBron VI “Chalk?” [Waiting For Next Year]
Cavaliers Insider: Another Nike/LeBron shoe? It's pure 'chalk' [Plain Dealer]

*******************

Anyway, if you aren't planning on sleeping in an airport tonight, don't forget the Boise State/TCU donnybrook in the Poinsettia Bowl later. Then come back tomorrow for a half day of nog-fueled Christmas Eve nonsense.

And thank you for your continuing support of this Web page that publishes my words.

Introducing Smooth LeBron: "You got me smilin'; I don't smile. Got me changin' my expression; I don't express."

New LeBron James After Six Commercial - Ft. Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger[Docksquad Sports]

She burns:

First thought: am I the only Catholic who sees this and thinks, "Be Not Afraid" would actually be a better slogan if you are going to dip into the hymnal, Nike? Okay sure, probably I am, but second thought: Just do it contains the critical imperative phrase "Do it." And you can't deny the many virtues of "do it," no matter how much you hate companies that serve as neat little microcosms of the horrifying redistribution of income globalization hath wrought, because to "do it" is awesome. But to "do it" with someone who is all "Here I Am" about it is a total bonerkiller. It's just so emphatically…passive, right? Maybe I've just got the McCain campaign's recent reference to dead fish on the brain but I am also pretty sure this slogan could be interpreted to be demeaning to women, although I am going to quit now before I actually get a headache.

Why do I feel like I just got sodomized by Marshal McLuhan? Anyway, Nike =bad for ladies. Write it down in your chap books. The ad featured above was an older campaign, one used in Moe's piece to illustrate that point. I don't know. That one makes me want to jump on a stairmaster then go pumpkin picking.

****

Tomorrow: I'll be taking a flight to Los Angeles early in the afternoon, so Rick and Clay will be doing the bulk of the posting. This time, I'll be sure to pack my disposable pants.

Have a great weekend, keep your heads up, and prepare for Monday when 75% of the posts will be devoted to the Philadelphia Eagles. (Kidding. 60, tops.)

Thank you for your continued support of the Skeets in my pants.

Regardless, we'll be up for the gold-medal match between the US and Spain because NBC has finally deemed us worthy of a live event shown at roughly the same time the event occurs. (We had assumed this was a core tenet of the phrase "live television", but The More You Know, we guess.) Therefore, we will stay up to see it out here in the Western hinterlands at 11:30 pm. (Yes, 2:30 am in the East.)

After all, it sounds like we've got as good a chance of getting lucky in the middle of the night with the team as just about anyone. (Except José Calderón. He's not even playing.)

NBC to Show Gold Medal Game Live Across the Country [Awful Announcing]
Nike asks Chinese government to identify Yahoo blogger [Technically Incorrect]

According to the Wall Street Journal, Nike acted because the new Hyperdunk ads were deemed by some to be offensive to blacks and gays. Which is, in two words, patently absurd. It also raises an interesting question: why can't a sports company just say that their ads are meant for non-idiots?

There has never been a basketball player of any persuasion who wants another man's groin to end up in his face during a dunk on the court. Never. Not gays, not blacks, not Asians, not women, not any player who has ever played the game. That was the idea behind Nike's advertising slogan created by the Wieden and Kennedy advertising agency. The company was proud of their work and posted congratulatory messages on their blog. (If you feel like a little entertainment, go read the comments. Watch as they move from self-congratulatory to angry. You can literally watch the wheels come off as those who are professionally offended swoop in. )

Go back and look at every top dunk of the past fifteen years. A large percentage of those ended up looking exactly like the imagery used in this advertising campaign. It's an iconic image, one that's neither homophobic nor racist. And every single person who got upset about this should go stand in a public park and get dunked on repeatedly. Gay or straight, sweaty balls to the face ain't fun.

Look, we all know that taking offense is our new national pastime. But what should the corporate response be when the people who take offense don't even understand what they're offended about? Not kowtowing to public "outrage", for one thing. But Nike buckled. Welcome to America in 2008: where even getting dunked on has to be tastefully done.

Nike withdraws dunk adds amid flurry of complaints [Wall Street Journal]
Hyperdunk Y'all [Weiden-Kennedy]

You know who ended up with the notes for the speech? Former USC coach George Raveling.

King ended his oration with the unforgettable line: "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last." With sweat pouring out of him, he stepped back, blotted his forehead with a handkerchief, and waved farewell as he headed off the crowded makeshift platform. That's when Raveling made his move. "I was only about four people off to the side of King," he remembers. "I don't know what possessed me but I walked up to King and calmly asked �Can I have that copy?' Without hesitating he turned and handed it to me. And just as he did a rabbi on the other side came and said something to him, congratulating him on his speech and that was essentially the end of it as far as me acquiring the speech. Of course nobody, including myself, realized that this was going to take on the historical significance that it did."

Raveling now works for Nike, so, uh, we guess the speech is in good hands?

Remembering Dr. King [Money Players]