I guess this poor kid fell asleep during the Phillies celebration last night and dirty hooligans decided to take the Sharpie to him. That's a shame. Fortunately, the boy has so many O'Doul's in him that he just doesn't care.

Since I was not in Philadelphia last night and all communication with the city has been cut off, I'm not sure if this was just good-natured revelry or if Center City is still in flames. Normally, I turn to Fox News for the real truth, but these two headlines from two nearly identical Fox affiliates do not clear up the matter. One seems to suggest that all is well ...

Fans Spend Night Partying In Streets

... but the New York market sees things a little differently ...

Phillies Fans Out of Control

Nope, this World Series isn't going to be annoying at all.

* * * * *

Please let it be Friday? Shoot.

But, seriously, and I hate, hate, hate to put you non-Philadelphia people through this all over again since last October on Deadspin was littered with non-stop boner typing but, damn, the sound of ball-meets-Rollins-bat could crack open the sky. Even Chip Caray sounds like Vin Scully on that call.

Of course, there is still one game to go and even though the Phillies appear unstoppable right now, the sticky film from years of downtrodden loser-dom are tough to wash off. Honestly — a Philadelphia team just can't be this good. It's so disorienting.

I promise I'll keep my pants zipped up throughout the rest of the playoffs and keep most of the updates limited to nonsensical face-typing when things go ridiculously well. Okay — I'll try. I will fail, but dammit, I'll try.

And how can you not love this photo? Or this one?

New vid courtesy of The700level.com

And, ya know, this is kinda funny...

/drunk update

I know I'm not the first to point this out about mid-October, but this has to be one the best weekends of the year for sports. Two baseball playoff series, a full slate of college and NFL football, there's got to be an NHL game on somewhere and tonight is Midnight Madness. Even fake NBA can be had for the right price! There is literally something for everyone. Unless you like golf. That's why Zeus invented the Wii.

* * * * *

Anyway, this week is #over. How are those hash tags working out for everyone? Not using them at all, you say? Fair enough. Most of the kinks should be worked out by early next week, so do try to play around with it this weekend. Remember, use the big box on the front page to start new threads and yammer about whatever the hell you want. May I suggest #prayforfrog to get you started?

I have no idea who your weekend hosts are. Raise your hand if it's you! Otherwise just trust in the internet to provide you with one. It always does.

"He wants the fans to like him and get to know him," the guy said.

It seems incredibly silly to think about that now. In fact, until I'd typed his name, I had almost completely forgotten about Aaron Rowand. I think Shane did his job.

But you forget about a lot of things at this moment, after the third out, when the team is jumping around on the field and there are screams of joy outside the window and car horns blaring. This is good. I'm full of three-quarters a bottle of Robitussin Night Time right now, but I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same exact way if I hadn't. In fact, Heather O'Rourke could jump out of the television right now and start gnawing my leg and I don't think I'd blink.

The Phillies are National League Champions. Oh happy day. See you tomorrow.

Oh and thanks to the guy who sent me the dejected photo of Pat Sajak.

PHOTO: Philly.com

As you may know, tonight is the 20th anniversary of that cinematic Game 1, which eventually propelled the Dodgers to a five game victory over the heavily favored Oakland Athletics, led by their pair of power-hitting youngsters who loved to hit the gym.

Tonight, I'm hopeful that 20 years from now I'll have my own memorable anniversary, when I can say I watched the Phillies defeat the Dodgers for the National League Championship series while watching it on TV by myself in my half empty apartment in Philadelphia. I have a bad, bad cold, that won't get any better if I'm out boozing it up. But a win's a win, and if it's only memorable for the fact that I watched the Phillies clinch the NL championship while Robo Tripping, well, so be it. Besides that will be an interesting post for everybody to read should that actually happen tonight.

So this is the place to comment for Game 5 of the NLCS, where Cole Hamels takes the mound against Chad Billingsley. Type with the passion and grace you usually do right underneath this post.

As always, thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Everybody get off your feet because we got the SKEETS.

"We had a huge altercation recently involving a bunch of guys in Dodgers jerseys," Anita told me by phone. "It was a huge fight. There were girls in here, and they were all scared. We didn't want that to happen again, so we decided it would be best to just ban all Dodgers jerseys."

ME: "So, if I wear my Dodgers hat, I'll be thrown out?"

ANITA: "Unfortunately yes,"

ME: "What about my Barry Zito jersey?"

ANITA: "That's the Giants, right? Giants gear is OK."

ME: "What? A Giants hat is OK in a Hollywood sports bar, but no Dodgers stuff?"

ANITA: "Well, the reason ..."

ME: "We're through the looking glass, Anita!"

ANITA: "To be honest, most of the guys [involved in the altercation] were gangsters. They were all wearing Dodgers stuff, and they come in here and cause trouble a lot. We don't discriminate due to race or color, so we decided that banning the Dodgers gear was the best way to handle it. We have a regular clientele that likes to come in here, and we want them to feel safe. A lot of girls come here to hang out."

ME: "I hadn't noticed.*"

ANITA: "We want them to feel safe here. I know it's not the popular thing to do, with the playoffs going on and everything, for people to say, oh, they don't allow Dodgers stuff. But we felt it was the best thing."

ME: "If the Dodgers make the World Series, I'll be coming in. And full disclosure, I'll be wearing Dodgers underwear."

ANITA: "That's fine."

ME: "Stickin' it to 'The Man!' "

ANITA: "That's no problem."

Anita didn't say if business had dropped off due to the ban, or what the implications were for those who come in wearing Raiders gear, which I'm told is much more favored with the gang types. And what if an actual Dodger — say, Steve Sax — comes in? Is he automatically ejected no matter what he's wearing? Stay tuned to this developing story.

* = May be a lie.

LA Bar Bans Fans From Wearing Dodgers Gear [Your Face Is A Sports Blog]

Stairs also assures the Times' that he's no pretty boy: "God knows I don’t sit around in front of the mirror all day and comb my hair — as you can tell." Of course after his quote from yesterday, the story appears a little like well-orchestrated overcompensation.

Again, this is Stairs' unfortunately phrased quote after his game-winning home run from Monday night:

“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys — there’s no better feeling than to have that done.”

It just gets better every time...

But remember. Matt Stairs: Everyman. Hockey guy. Not a pretty boy. Not an ass hammerer. Got it?

Phillies have an unlikely Mr. October [NY Times]

"You want to get that one big hit where you feel like you're part of the team … not that I don't feel like I'm part of the team, by no means, but when you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, it's no better feeling than to have that done."

* * *

Bottom 9th

7 5

12:09 — Phew. That's just about as exciting a game as one could ask for. On a night when the Browns dismantle the Giants by 21 points, somehow this game was way goofier. The road blood has finally been shed between these two teams in 2008, and you know what this means? It means that Daulerio is paying me triple to live blog Game 5. Ha! Actually I don't think I'm going to cover that one, but hey, Philly has won LOTS of games without me staring at them. So I'm told. Anyhow, it appears the servers were on their best Eddie Haskell-like behavior tonight, so let's quit typing before something horrible happe

12:08 — Zip. Right into the third baseman's glove without touching the ground. I believe Brad Lidge had himself a shaky but extremely survivable outing. Much like any given seismographic day in Los Angeles.

12:06 — And look, Jeff Kent! My my my, I feel like I'm watching TWIB on a rain delay and I'm seeing all the stars of yesteryear. Or maybe I'm in the middle of a Bobby Valentine anecdote.

12:06 — Quick, back to the dugout. Casey Blake strikes out at the plate, and in the fashion mags. Let it grow, brah.

12:04 — Hey, Mia Hamm's husband plays baseball? I guess not well enough to start. Nomar Garciaparra flies out.

Top 9th

12:01 — Aw, why not just make it a complete set and get all your outs at second base? The pitchout completely stones Bruntlett on the basepaths and he's thrown out so bad, it's the baserunning equivalent of Joe Blanton swinging for the fences. Is the two-run lead enough?

11:59 — That was the same play, just with different dudes. Forceout at second, beatable throw down the line to first. Now the baserunner is Eric Bruntlett.

11:57 — The Maculay Culkin trap set by Dodgers in the form of the infield shift snares up another Ryan Howard ground ball, but they can only get Utley out at second. Let it be known that Howard's been working out so much this game, slipping, slipping again, and grounding out some more, that he shed off just enough ounces to beat the relay throw to first.

11:54 — Good news, Philly fans. Broxton still has to pitch. But maybe not for long. The venerable Greg Methuselux is warming up.

Bottom 8th

7 5

11:50 — Not what the Los Angeles of Los Angeles Dodgers fans had in mind. Loney strands the two with a fly to right, but Lidge really had to labor just to get that one out. He might be vulnerable in the ninth, so now's the time for Philly to flick another run across the scoreboard. If they want to.

11:50 — James Loney vs. Brad Lidge in "Let's See How Many We Can Foul Off."

11:46 — Like your typical It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia episode, this is the part of Lidge's outing that is parallel to Mac's ingenious plan about to go horribly wrong. He strikes out Martin, but the pitch bounces off Ruiz's shinguard and everyone's safe at the corner delis.

11:45 — Not to jinx anyone or anything but ... Russell Martin, cleanup hitter? He wasn't even that powerful in the regular season, OPS+ing right around 103. Not really the kind of numbers for a No. 4 hitter, especially with Manuel in the lineup.

11:44 — Maybe that was his problem. Lidge hangs on in the middle that Ramirez drives to the gap for two solid bases.

11:42 — Lidge is not afraid this time. He's going right at Manuel Ramirez, and #99 is clearly on the defensive.

11:38 — Hi, I'm Charlie Manuel. I've got zero bars in this crazy city, so that call about not putting in Brad Lidge in the eighth inning? Yeah, I didn't get that. All right, BL, get in there and give us four solid outs!

11:37 — Romero's walk of shame is wiped clean by a double play ball, courtesy of Andre Ethier. With the bases empty, hell, why not intentionally walk Manny Ramirez?

11:36 — Whaddya know. Another 3-0 count. J.C. Romero, thanks for not letting me down.

11:35 — What else can happen? A Dodgers rally? I've already been this fortunate to experience a nautical assload of ties and lead changes. What's one more?

Top 8th

11:31 — For the sake of comprehensive coverage, Werth strikes out to end the inning. I'm sure some other stuff happened before that.

11:27 — No wait, seriously, how in the name of Christ on a cracker did Matt Stairs (you know, Matt Stairs) hit the hardest pitch of the series? He's Barry Bonds with a blindfold. You have to roll two 20s in AD&D to get that kind of a critical hit on a fastball. I'm ... I'm never gonna get out of doing another Phillies game again, am I, Daulerio?

11:26 — Okay, I can finally talk now. HOW THE FUCK DID MATT STAIRS DO THAT? I'm mightily impressed.

11:24 — [shocked silence] (translation: Matt Stairs slobberknocks a two-run home run)

11:23 — There's your Jonathon Broxton in the game already, gunnin' for the Step Club's major, Matt Stairs.

11:22 — An NFL update. With less than eight minutes remaining in the game, it's Cleveland 35, New York 14. No wait, that's the obesity percentage for both cities. My mistake.

11:20 — Esoteric choice of music there with the "Rocky" theme song as Torre makes another pitching change.

11:18 — Yes, that'll pretty much tie the game. Shane Victorino continues to be the other non-lower-48-states American native this fall to make a splash and blasts a home run just over the gate in right field to tie this game. You betcha.

11:17 — Angel Berroa (hey, how'd YOU get in the game?) fields Burrell's lazy pop fly with little problem.

11:13 — It sure was nice to let Kuo bat in the previous inning just so he could allow that extra base hit. Torre gives him the heave-Kuo (HELP ME, I HAVE PUN CANCER AND I CAN'T STOP!!) and brings in Cory Wade.

11:11 — Ryan Howard made it all the way to first without tumbling. That in itself is an accomplishment on this slick field. They must've rubbed his balls down with special mud.

Bottom 7th

3 5

11:08 — Nope. No more runs. Kemp's hard-hit ball lands right in the soft underbelly of Victorino's glove.

11:06 — They're going to let Kuo bat. His bunt almost causes a charging Howard to, like a frost giant, slip like a fool, but recovers and throws him out. Would you say that was a Kuo-se call? Ha! Well, you would say that, wouldn't you? Always looking for the cheap, groaning laugh. That's what separates you from me.

11:05 — Never mind this exciting close game. Let's talk about Beckett and Scott Kazmir's injuries.

11:05 — Cool, Josh Beckett's oblique is purple?

11:03 — With such a gelatinous strike zone, how are all these pitchers falling behind 3-0?

11:01 — Madson gets HIGH AND IN!!! on James Loney, then proceeds to strike him out. Tonight, let it be fisticuffs.

Seventh Inning Stretch Video Literary Endeavor

Normally, this is where videos are shared, but in an attempt to further advance the culture of Deadspin readers, why don'tcha read the longest known palindrome. Then read it backwards. You'll have read it twice! There will be a quiz on it tomorrow, so be sure to remember the major characters, the setting, the symbolism, and one thing you liked about it. And don't bother checking Sparknotes. It's not there.

Top 7th

10:55 — Rollins, Werth, and Utley are all set down in a row. You could say Dodgers reliever Hong-Chih Kuo sure got his Kuo-ta of big outs in the seventh! But I wouldn't. I'm above such lame attempts at humor.

10:53 — Incessant replay shows that, yes, Chase Utley plays the violin.

And It's ... Still ... Bottom 6th

3 5

10:50 — Great double-up play by Stradivarius to field the liner, then crawl and dive for the second base bag to force out Furcal.

10:48 — Ryan Madson will now try and plug the rubbed down ball slapping orgy.

Another Commercial Break

The Brooke Shields commercials were actually funny when I first saw them. But they had to go and spoil it with different commercials with the same one-joke premise.

Still Bottom 6th

10:44 — He's like Barry Bonds, but with a heart of gold and normal sized testicles. (The similarity I'm going with is that he keeps getting intentional walks.)

10:43 — As long as we're having goofiness in this inning, might I remind you that the Browns lead the Giants by six in the third quarter. Eli Manning has two interceptions. Yep, that'll do it.

10:40 — A calm, unnerved, focused throw by Ryan Howard was actually meant for a phantom base 10 feet away from Chase Utley covering at first. A run scores on the error, and Los Angeleans are well situated on second and third. (Still zero outs.)

10:38 — It appears they took all of Casey Blake's clippings and glued it to Scott Eyre's chin. He's your new pitcher.

Commercial Break

And they have Miller High Life guys delivering beer to baseball stadiums during the game since when?

Bottom 6th

10:35 — I just realized: Joe Beimel is in line for the win. All for throwing one pitch to a guy and having Ethier needing to make one hell of a catch as a result of it. As if you needed more proof the win is a useless pitcher stat.

10:34 — We never liked Joe Beimel anyways. Matt Kemp will pinch hit for him. Do you realize what this means? Now Juan Pierre will stay in center field. For, like, the entire game. Also, Chad Durbin sure enjoys 3-0 counts, and finally he just caves and throws a fourth one wide.

10:33 — Before the game, MLB donated $328,840 to the Prostate Cancer Foundation — $10 for each strikeout this season. The Prostate Cancer Foundation will begin work on their new Adam Dunn Wing next spring.

10:31 — Juan Pierre keeps reaching base like he was a good free agent signing or something. His speed helps him reach second easily. Now he won't get caught trying to steal it. But there's always third base.

10:29 — Casey Blake, now with Acceptable Public Stubble kung-fu grip, belts a home run into the left field seats for one point.

10:28 — Spotlight on the Buck/McCarver booth. And ... Tim has a much, much higher chair than Joe does. Normally they reserve the high chairs only for children under five, but in Tim's case — after much pleading — they clearly made an exception. (Also, Chad Durbin's in the game. Mothers, hide your children and make sure your windows are baseball-proof.)

Top 6th

10:24 — It must be Bullpen Russian Roulette night at Chávez Ravine. Joe Beimel arrives to the game just in time to pitch to Jenkins. And soon thereafter, Andre Ethier dives from out of nowhere — although I'm guessing right field is where he was initially — to save at least a run. Fella sure made some defensive plays out there this inning.

10:22 — The nation is deprived of one more at bat where Joe Blanton swings at the ball like a computer geek with scoliosis playing tetherball. Geoff Jenkins will step in instead.

10:19 — Chan Ho Park? Wild pitch? I am shocked. I'll have to see visual evidence of this before I believe it with ... oh, there's a replay. Ryan Howard doesn't have the woodland creature quickness but he finds his inner frost giant lumbering ability to scamper home and tie the game.

10:18 — Tonight's theme is "people almost running comically into each other." Ethier stumbles, catches, falls to his knees, but Ryan Howard doesn't have the elven-like quickness to tag up and run home. Two out.

10:17 — Somehow, Chan Ho Park is a better decision to get LA out of this delicious strawberry jam than the 20-year-old phenom. Aw, but I was half hoping to see the future of a baseball team get his confidence shattered in this NLCS game!

10:13 — Chad Durbin and Chan Ho Park are warming up in the Phils/Dodgers bullpens. Equalizing vacuums of suck balance out the cosmos.

10:13 — Hot bunting love advances the runners, and a Shane Victorino is returned back to the dugout in near-mint condition.

10:12 — Aw, Kershaw wants to grow a beard so badly. After falling behind 3-0 on Burrell, two generous strikes sets up a full-count single through short and third, known affectionately as the Jeter Woulda Gotten To That Zone.

10:09 — Interesting start. Ryan Howard walks, and the shift works as he is pulled in the direction of first base. Good thing he didn't go the opposite field on his walking, or else he'd be in scoring position by now.

10:07 — I hope you enjoyed your fill of Derek Lowe. NO MORE! Lineup announcing prodigy Clayton Kershaw is being asked to hold this lead.

Bottom 5th

2 3

10:04 — These promises of giant innings turn into just plain ol' couple-of-run innings tonight. We had one in the first, and now here DeWitt hits into a double play to make sure no more runs are tallied in the fifth.

10:03 — The Big Lead is asking me if Blanton's hat has pine tar on it:

I'll go with peanut butter cup residue. No, it's not a fat joke. I'm eating one right now. No, I'm not fat. No, you are!

10:01 — RBIs are easy (and fun) when other people are already in place. Martin's grounder to short gives the Dodgers the lead. I could get 50 RBI a year if I had those kinds of situational hits. Now, let's just walk James Loney.

9:58 — No strandy strandy at all, it appears. Manuel Ramirez kicks a ball into left, and Furcal slides completely through Ruiz's shin — despite Larry Bowa's semaphoric requests — and the Phillies lead becomes not a Phillies lead at all, actually.

9:57 — So here's a rally, finally. Ethier's ball to center tailed perfectly to left, and Furcal's on second like I said he'd be. Now with zero of them "outs," it's going to take a whole lot of sweat and guts for Lowe to get out of that. Fortunately he already has the "sweat" part down.

9:55 — Furcal's on base now. The question is not IF he'll be stranded, but which base. Here's to "second." [huffs aerosol can]

Commercial Break

Somehow Burger King found a way to make a creepy commercial without using The King. The Burger King 'Shroom and Swiss Steak Burger didn't even look good on screen, but that certainly must mean it tastes great, right?

Top 5th

9:49 — If you picked "bottom of fourth and top of fifth" as the time to take a power nap, you won the ultimate prize. Lowe cuffs down Rollins, Werth and Utley in the kinkiest fashion, quickly exiting the inning. That's now seven straight outs in the game total.

Bottom 4th

2 1

9:41 — Oh, Tim. Never change. As Derek Lowe stepped up against Joe Blanton: "This is kind of a pitcher vs. a pitcher." Kind of? (Oh, by the way, two strikeouts and a lineout gives Blanton a one-ta-hoo-thrrreeee.

9:36 — Oof. Cardinal mistake by Joe Buck. "Celebrities are out" followed immediately by "James Brolin." Thats' why Joe's star on the Walk of Fame got "lost in the mail."

Top 4th

9:33 — My, my. I got so worked up talking about ball rubbing I hardly noticed Joe Blanton in the batters box, wielding a bat, swatting at Derek Lowe's pitches like a poorly-animated 8-bit video game. Blanton's competence at the plate reminds me to check the score of the Browns game. [click] Wow, 10-7 Browns? Did Cleveland get inspired by Toledo's upset over Michigan in that really horrible teams are capable of impossible things? Or was that a Kevin Garnett commercial I saw?

9:30 — What the ... Tim McCarver used a fact tonight. All baseballs are rubbed down by Lena Blackburne's Baseball Rubbing Mud. There's even a video on that website on how you rub down a ball. Executive producer: YOUR MOM.

9:29 — Please, could we have ONE game where we don't discuss rubbing down balls?

Bottom 3rd

2 1

9:24 — What's what, Utley? You're gonna cheat left on Loney? Well, that's ... cheating. Loney's ground ball just beats Utley to the outfield on his right. Corners are yellow. No worries, a combination of Burrell and Rollins conspire to somehow find DeWitt's pop fly. Remember when this game had lots of runs?

9:23 — Oh, that's how they were going to get Manny out. Martin grounds into a forceout. Clever strategy by the Phillies. I didn't even see it coming.

9:21 — Ramirez intentionally unintentionally walks. I wonder if that was on purpose.

Top 3rd

9:15 — Utley's single was surrounded by a trio of nothing at-bats. Let's move on.

9:11 — That was ... unexpected. Fox shares pictures of Chase Utley as a kid, who played the violin and owned a parrot. What does this mean? He knew how to pleasure himself, giving him ample ability to stay busy on road trips.

Bottom 2nd

2 1

9:06 — Furcal notarizes Lowe being stranded at first by flying out.

9:05 — Hey, good thing Pierre tried to move up to second. Because Derek Lowe reached base after Rollins' basket catch hauled in nothing but fail. Why have two runners on when you can have a pitcher stranded at first with two outs?

9:03 — Tim McCarver: "Something just happened, that I had not seen in years." That's a good solid comedy pyramid foundation, people. And no, it wasn't the single Juan Pierre just hit. And it certainly wasn't Pierre getting caught at second, either.

9:01 — Casey Blake used to have the best beard in baseball. But LA has clearly changed him. It used to be all gnarled and woolly, and you could probably hang your keys on the chint. No more. Blake strikes out, which is what he gets for destroying one of baseball's great natural preserves.

Top 2nd

8:57 — Jimmy Rollins is trying reallyreally hard not to pull the ball, reports sorta-on-the-field-but-not Ken Rosenthal. Rollins responds by not pulling the ball at all, but instead watching strike three go by him.

8:55 — Joe Blanton swings the bat with the same fervor that women have when they squish spiders. Strike out, two out.

8:53 — Carlos Ruiz, thanks for nothing. His hit barely made it to the infield grass, which would be a triple ion T-ball, but instead just adds an out to the scoreboard, hanging Dobbs at second.

8:50 — Lowe has himself a new set of threads. He even remembered to rip off the price tag. And yet he forgot to pitch away to Greg Dobbs, who starts off with the doubliest of doubles.

Bottom 1st

2 1

8:47 — Blake Of The Witt lines straight to Howard. The bar for pitcher hittability has been set pretty high already.

8:45 — And the intentional walk works to perfection. Oh, they didn't get out of the inning — Loney hit an RBI double that was feet away from being a three-run shot — but it wasn't TWO runs, like it would have been if Manny Ramirez hit a home run. Brilliant move.

8:42 — Fox gives us Joe Blanton's pitcher profile: "Can Be Wild." Oh, he will.

8:42 — It's the first inning, and already we have an on-purpose walk of Manny Ramirez. Do they not have faith in Blanton that he can walk him unintentionally by himself?

8:41 — Rafael Furcal knocks one to third that wicks off Greg Dobbs' glove, then moves up to second on Andrew Ethier's puny-enough ground ball that can't be turned into a DP.

8:39 — EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE of Derek Lowe tossing a thing of refreshing hydrating beverages in the dugout. Also his jersey is a little ruffled, and he may need a new one. No worries. The Dodgers have an entire warehouse of unsold Derek Lowe authentic uniforms, and even some Lowe #23 babydoll three-quarters tees. Guess it's time to start placing bets on what he picks.

8:38 — The starting lineup, brought to you by Clayton Kershaw. (Bless you.) What emphatic delivery! Boom certainly went the dynamite.

Top 1st

8:35 — Shane Victorino ... FROM? From?! C'mon, Berman would have been right on cue. As a penalty, Victorino grounds into a double play. Just the two runs, ma'am.

8:34 — Pat Burrell will walk to first. He's good at that. Heck, we all are. We're just not good at the "don't swing at four pitches," or even the "stand in the batters box with fastballs going that fast without pissing yourself."

8:31 — See, that's how Ryan Howard can get more RBIs. He can still hit lame groundballs into the shift, but he just needs to make sure his teammates do all the work for him by reaching third with less than two outs. Then he'll have all the RBIs and eat at Subway like a king! Werth scores, two of 'em out.

8:30 — Chase Utley? But he's not running from me. Oh, wait, there he goes ... he just ran to second after lacing a double down the right field line, getting Rollins on home. Do I still have to chase him?

8:28 — There's an absolute goldmine of an endorsement deal for Jayson Werth. "Mr. Jaysonwerth maple syrup." His single finds a hole on the left side of the infield, and the corners are loaded.

FOX'S KEYS TO THE GAME:

Phillies: "Use Last Night As Rallying Point." Well, I guess a team could look at the meaningless run they scraped together in the waning innings of last night's loss. Better key to the game: "Visualize Home By Pretending There Are Fewer Pretentious TV Producers in Stands."

Dodgers: "Food Tastes Better At Home." You mean, like, SUSHI? C'mon, say it. Better key to the game: "Just Remember: You're Trying To Hit Off Joe Blanton. JOE BLANTON."

8:25 — Jimmy had trouble getting hits. Jimmy likes getting on base. Jimmy is pretty sweet on you. Jimmy Rollins is on base with a leadoff hit.

8:23 — Hmm, that's close. We had a "Flyin' Hawaiian" nickname drop, but it was from Gary Matthews, Sr., who might not know any better. Let's not count it, because it'll be more evident in the broadcast anyway.

Pre-Game Babble

Something has to give. Either one of these teams will beat the other on the road, or the Phillies will finally lose a game during a Deadspin live blog. Once one of these laws of nature is broken, expect sulfurous rain, earthquakes, and the stock market to fall below 10,000.

It's difficult to say how one should behave or life will unfold in this strange new world, especially since we'll still have more games left in the NLCS, but what's the point when small sample size trends are already broken? That's the whole point of NLCS stats and records. It's the kind of series that puts MVP trophies in the hands of David Eckstein and Craig Counsell and ... hey, waitaminnit, they're the same person! I've never had both of them on my fantasy team at once.

And if you didn't hear, there was a fight between these two teams. This will be a factor in the game, as evidenced by baseball analysts saying it will be (when asked in the scrolling ticker: WILL FIGHT BE FACTOR?). Whether we have another Mortal Kombat-like confrontation remains to be seen.

Give a man a bingo card, and he will play for a day. Teach a man to make bingo cards, and I'm out of a goddamn job. Hands off!

Note: So, last time, we had a bit of a server error where the live blog didn't, um, in technospeak, "work." If this happens again, stay tuned, the live blog will eventually show up, even if it's not until the next morning, in which case someone turned the Gawker server into "newspaper mode," where you have to wait for what I say until you drag your ass into work tomorrow. It's one of the less-touted server features of Windows XP Service Pack 3. Fortunately, DUAN and bingo tagalong never* causes a server dump.

* - Okay, but only sometimes.

Simers' main point was that Philadelphia, for its pugnacious reputation, is still a city of perpetual losers and should not be feared. That's fine. T.J. Simers has a job to do. Of course, the testy Philadelphia fans played right into it and inundated the poor old hack's email account with obscenity-laced responses. Admittedly, I've lashed out at columnists over the years who've taken the oh-they-booed-Santa cheap shots Philadelphia. I once wrote Charlotte Observer columnist Tom Sorensen a thoughtlessly cruel email prior to the 2003 NFC Championship game against Carolina. I made fun of his hair, Rae Carruth, wished illness upon his family members — all that stuff. Sorensen went to that game and saw the worst of the worst of Philly fandom as the Panthers and Ricky Manning, Jr. smoked the Eagles 14-3. I believe his wife was heckled or had beer chucked on her or something. So his column the day after both gloated and condemned the fans for their unruly behavior and wished 100 years of loserdom upon us. (It kind of worked so far. Tom Sorensen can curse your city for life, apparently.)

So this is my suggestion: I'd love to know the worst Philadelphia fan experiences from those who've either attended games in the city or written a negative story about Philadelphia only to have their email boxes bursting with angry responses . You know, "typical Philly" stuff. Might as well get it all out now and in one location. It'll be a fun thing to look at next week as the series moves to LA and will give columnists in Boston or Tampa a jump-start on their own anti-Philly columns should the Phillies make it to the World Series. (Fingers crossed. Not a jinx. )

Email me with your vileness: ajd@deadspin.com

* * *

Top 9th

2 3

10:58 — Why, yes it will. DeWitt's whiff causes Ruiz to throw him out, but no drama in the 2-3 put out make this game end two minutes before your local nightly news.

Well, damn. I feel really lost now. I need guidance. It always goes several innings, and in this case it went the trim 8½. It's kind of like Steven Wright said. "Well, I'm still alive. Now what am I going to do?"

Hmm. Since the WNBA season is already over, maybe I'm just going to have to do Friday night's St. Petersburg-Boston game. Until then, everyone, stay drunk-but-not-too-drunk enough.

10:57 — Oh my. Will the game end before 11?

10:55 — Towels, I say! TOWELS! (If every stadium doles out white hankies, isn't everyone technically on the same team?) The fans show how much they want Casey Blake to strike out by waving hankies in the air. Hell, all they need is to just picture him in an Indians uniform, and that'll do it. But instead Blake will drive a fly ball near the center field warning track, and that's two outs the stressful way.

10:53 — That almost took me back to Astros-Cardinals. Matt Kemp's fly ball wasn't fly-y enough, and that's one out.

10:53 — Pat Burrell, you've done enough. Eric Bruntlett will field for you. And Brad Lidge — he loves these NLCSes, I hear — will try to close it out.

Bottom 8th

2 3

10:49 — Utley and Howard? Hell, they've already done their part. They'll just make outs instead.

10:46 — Victorino HAWAIIAN ISLANDS the ball into second for a simple groundout. It seems like we give extra weight to people from Alaska and Hawai'i, just because they've only been a state for the last fiftysomething years. Ooh, Fairbanks! How exotic!

10:46 — Hong-Chih Kuo, you get to pitch now. He's had four elbow surgeries, two of them of the Tommy John variety, Joe Buck says. That's what we call an addiction.

Top 8th

10:44 — James Loney won't be tying this game anytime soon. Naw, instead he'll just ground out and yank Martin back to the dugout to get his glove, but it will take a while for him to get back, because Martin will slide feet first into the ground every ten steps. Also: hot damn, are we gonna get through eight innings by 11 p.m.?

10:41 — Martin grounds to Feliz. Literally. Into Pedro Feliz. It wicks off his foot and Martin's got a base hit, maybe more ... wait, he slid safely into ten feet in front of first base. So I guess he's only 80 feet away from second.

10:40 — Manny lines out to third base, but it still energizes the clubhouse in a way that Juan Pierre could not.

10:37 — No more Cole Hamels for you. Come back in three games. Ryan Madson has the ball now. McCarver says Madson might have the best change-up on the Phillies, McCarver says, then confirms it when Ethier whiffs out on the change. But wasn't Hamels the guy who threw the "All World Change" in the scouting report? Maybe that was Derek Lowe. I better not speculate here.

Bottom 7th

2 3

10:33 — DeWitt furthers the salivation of Joe Buck by starting the double play, and letting other people finish the double play.

10:32 — And now to bunt. Of course they'll bunt! Except McCarver thinks maybe they shouldn't. But they do. And it doesn't work. So they're sad. I'm glad we were able to all agree on this move. (By the way: Did an old school man like McCarver just suggest not to bunt with a man on first and no outs? He must have read a baseball blog sometime in the last three months. Maybe not, but we better get a urine sample, just in case.)

10:30 — Now Maddux takes the mound, whose secret to winning is that he guilts umpires into respect for strikes. Or, in this case, allows infield hits but not doubles or home runs like mortal men.

Seventh Inning Stretch Halftime Entertainment

I know Ken Mattingly was bitter for not being able to fly to the moon after being grounded for Apollo 13 ... but he really hit a low point in this video:

Top 7th

10:23 — I just thought of this. How sad is it that on a team with Greg Maddux and Jeff Kent, neither of them are starters? Next thing you're gonna tell me Nomar Garciaparra and Andruw Jones aren't in the starting lineup either.

10:22 — Here's Jeff Kent, a.k.a the Hall of Fame Living Legend Of Sports Jeff Kent ... off the bench to pinch hit. He strikes out. Hall of Fame stuff right there.

10:21 — As DeWitt steps up, Old Man Maddux gets warmed up on the backup mound. It's only common sense that you can only Park your Chan Ho for so long before you start to chafe.

Bottom 6th

2 3

10:17 — As Park gets out of Phily's big inning, get ready for — you guessed it — Frank Stallone ... 's brother's movie's theme song.

10:15 — Werth flies out. Clicky click.

10:11 — Philly's sure visualizing playing the Red Sox in the World Series by pretending Derek Lowe is a shitty closer for the Red Sox. What an imagination! Pat Burrell blasts a solo home run for the lead and a share of Philadelphia's daily "We've Always Loved This Athlete" award. (Also receiving votes: Donovan McNabb.) For his insubordination, Torre is taking the baseball from Lowe and putting in Chan Ho Park. Nothing in that sentence makes sense.

10:10 — Dude, Howard, you keep seeing players to the right, and yet you continue to hit it that way. Try another part of the field. kthx.

10:07 — Some serious Utlage is occurring in Pennsylvania. He corks a home run to right field, which in turn ties the game, which in turn makes Ned Coletti trade the Skee-Ball machine for Mike Lamb.

10:05 — Ham And Pineapple Victorino's speed causes Rafael Furcal to rush the throw — they said it, it's gotta be the reason — and the relay to first sails in Olbermann's Mom territory, allowing Victorino to prance to second on the goof.

Slapdash Political Advertisement Fact Check

So wait ... if McCain offers no tax relief for the middle class, and Obama claims to provide three times as much tax relief for the middle class than McCain would, then ... never mind. I thought I had something there.

Top 6th

10:01 — Casey Blake's hands of fate end the sixth for LA.

10:00 — Kemp's GIDP kills the inning, but you know what was better? The one that clinched the division series. Tim said so! It will be the bellwether by which all other double plays are measured. This one — which was only OK — was not good enough to be shown again and again.

9:58 — The sixth inning? Before 10 p.m.? These guys must have a curfew.

Bottom 5th

2 0

9:55 — Here come the waving towels. Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a veteran pitcher more than towels. AHH, THEY'RE NOT ABSORBENT! Jimmy Rollins battles a little but ultimately just flies out to end the "something."

9:52 — How rude, changing the signs while leaving Rafael Furcal out of the conversation!

9:51 — What you might call this is "something." Hamels doubles the number of baserunners running the base by hitting it over second base.

9:50 — Why is Derek Lowe upset about Carlos Ruiz getting on base? Well, hell, who wouldn't be?

9:48 — What the hell's a Jayson Werth? Exactly one groundout this inning.

Top 5th

9:44 — Russell Martin didn't really want that inning to get out of hand with "runs" and "2-out rallies" and all that jazz. So he just strikes out.

9:43 — Did you know: Manny Ramirez took a 10-78 team and helped them win 74 straight games just by. Being. In. The. Dodgers. Clubhouse? He's just that calming of a presence! Also he petitioned Joe Torre for a Skee-Ball game. Ramirez singles to center.

9:42 — THEY CAN WIND UP TO MANNY! Great strategy!

9:40 — Slightly ... awkward. After Furcal got out, Joe Buck turns to Tim and says "How ya doin?" McCarver, almost taken aback, says "... ... ... Great!" I guess they didn't get a chance to make small talk before the broadcast. Gotta sneak it in sometime. Meanwhile, Andre Ethier strikes out with little resistance.

Bottom 4th

2 0

9:36 — That inning ended quickly, in case you noticed.

9:35 — Whoa. McCarver just casually mentioned Jeff Kent and Joe Torre having "Hall of Famer" on the bench. How do you slip a borderline argument through like that? Next time I watch a Tigers game I really want to hear Mario Impemba nonchalantly talk about "Cy Young candidate" Kyle Farnsworth.

9:33 — Know what would make baseball video games better? If there was a button where you could have the pitcher talk to the catcher for a meeting on the mound. That'd RULE! Howard forces the shifted DeWitt to barehand the ground ball and throw him out. Does any Phillie with actual speed want to try and give these in-between ground balls a shot?

9:31 — There's footage of Lowe kind of holding his right thumb after grounding out. Oh, I'm sure it won't affect him. Hey, there's a pitch that hits in front of home plate. He's probably fine. See? He got Utley out.

Commercial Break

Oh boy, Fox is bringing us another TV show, Fringe, about a genius man nobody in his world understands but the viewers. Where do they derive these innovative ideas? I hope they never run out of one-syllable words to name these shows!

Top 4th

9:26 — DeWitt sacrificed himself — his OWN LIFE! — to bring Kemp home on a fly ball for a single point. Derek Lowe speeds the game up by trickling a ground ball to first so he can pitch again. He likes pitching.

9:23 — Everybody in Casey Blake's hometown of Indianola, Iowa is watching this game. Tim McCarver took a census before the game. So a small town in Iowa just saw Blake ground out to short, then flipped back to CSI. Kemp went to third on the play, in case ya care.

9:21 — That's WAY TOO scary. Tim McCarver and I had the same first thought when Matt Kemp's double landed just fair and bounced into the stands: Jason Bay's eerily-similar double in Game 4 of the ALDS. Know what this means? Either I could do his job, or he could do mine.

Bottom 3rd

1 0

9:16 — I already dislike the mouse-click sound anytime someone makes an out. Cole Hamels, Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino all ground out to the right-hand side of the infield, causing Fox to furiously click away. At least Victorino also ran over Derek Lowe before he was tagged out, causing a tangle of arms and pine tar, forming a rolling cloud of dust, picking up every cartoon character that laid in its tracks.

Commercial Break

Brooke Shields is having sex with random men just to get free submarine sandwiches from Domino's. That's what I think she said.

Top 3rd

9:12 — Bears repeating: James Loney had as many RBI in the NLDS as the entire Cubs team had (five). But with a couple of his homeboys on base, he strikes out, keeping his RBI total in this game steady to zero. Which is also equal to the number of RBI the Cubs have in the NLCS. Things just stay so consistent!

9:10 — Russell Martin, just by looking really, really well, gets to walk to first base now.

9:07 — McCarver notes how Ramirez is a great two-strike hitter. Interesting! With a 1-2 count, Ramirez pops to short. See, most other batters would just pop that up, but not as far away from home plate.

9:05 — A brilliant strategy by Tim for the Phillies: pitch to Manny Ramirez while in the windup. Because that means nobody is on base. Some would call that not so much a strategy of pitching to Manny, but a strategy of pitching to Andre Ethier, who just reached base on a ground ball that crossed up Ryan Howard, rendering McCarver's last bit of advice completely useless.

Commercials

Oh COME ON. I'm not even watching TBS and I'm still seeing Frank Caliendo. This is a conspiracy. There's no other explanation.

Bottom 2nd

1 0

9:01 — Carlos Ruiz bangs a ground ball into "Derek Jeter backhand" territory, but Furcal instead makes the play that normal humans make, which is just sidestep to the ball and throw it regularly to throw out the lumbering catcher. So I guess you can walk batters after all and get away with it.

8:59 — Lowe walks Pedro Feliz. BUT I THOUGHT YOU CAN'T DO THAT! Derek Lowe: what a maroon.

8:57 — Jayson Werth takes a count to 3-0, and Lowe begins to sweat like Ted Striker. Joe Buck alludes to how pitchers cannot, CANNOT walk batters in this park. It's true! It's a house rule. He looked it up. Fortunately, Werth blows the good count and grounds into a double play.

8:54 — If Pat Burrell didn't play baseball and didn't work out, he'd be Ian Gomez. But he does play ball, and quite well in this at bat, lacing it to left. McCarver notes Ramirez's good play in left, holding Burrell to a single. Also holding Burrell to a single: some kind of 20-kg metal cube that's been embedded in his shins since birth.

Top 2nd

8:50 — This was the inning to take a piss, although if you're already pissing a half hour in, please consult a doctor. Casey Blake struck out on a high, high strike, Blake DeWitt knicked the ball into the outfield for no bases, and Derek Lowe — I didn't see Ken Rosenthal "knock on wood" when he said he was never on the DL for his career — also strikes out harmlessly.

Bottom 1st

1 0

8:44 — Chase Utley's hit did not cause the rest of his lineup to hit with abandon. More to the point, Ryan Howard hit right into the shift — what a fool! it was in front of him all the time! — and we're done with one.

8:43 — McCarver explains the "back door slider," confirming my theory that it makes no sense for a pitch to be called that and be farther away from someone's ass than a regular-type slider.

8:39 — Tim McCarver seems to have acknowledged the errant placement of the arrows. Here's a dramatization:

8:39 — Did anyone else just see a couple random yellow arrows land on Derek Lowe's scouting report?

8:37 — Harry Kalas brings the world a starting lineup, which gives me a new idea for the playoffs. FOX should simulcast the games on FX or FSN, but with the home team's announcer doing the call instead of Joe Buck. It's all about choice.

Top 1st

8:34 — Fly ball to right? You're soaking in it! Matt Kemp's third out strands a couple of his brahs on base.

8:31 — Hey, there's no rush. Let's walk James Loney after getting into a 1-2 count. Then let's throw the ball high enough that Calvert DeForest couldn't catch it.

8:28 — Russell Martin can't hit that shit if he had a cricket bat, and Hamels's face is already a healthy shade of bright red, like a tomato. C'mon, Cole, it's only been four batters. You can't already have Beet Face, can you?

8:26 — Hmm. This Manny Ramirez guy might be on to something. Ramirez blasts a double that hits off the glass-kinda-thing above the wall, which counts as a double. Hell, I half-thought they were going to break out the postseason review cameras in a bold attempt to make George Will's eyes well up with sadness. But it won't be. Manny gets a double and the Dodgers got themselves a quick run off Cole Hamels.

8:25 — McCarver's key for the Phillies: RUN THE BASES WITH ABANDON. Wouldn't running with a wedding band on kind of bog people down?

8:25 — After a rather tame attempt by Rafael Furcal to get on base, Andre Either belts a line drive 'tween left and center, so he gets a double for that.

8:23 — Right on cue, 60 seconds after they said it'd be, our first pitch.

8:13 — Jeanne Zelasko said it, so I'm inclined to believe her: "Game 1 is coming your way next!" The scheduled start time isn't for nine minutes, though. I have to admit, I love these publicly announced times when they think the actual first pitch is (8:22 p.m.), thereby forgoing all the pregame montages, predictions, and Applebee's commercials. There was a time when people would just start it at 8 p.m. and people would have to sit through it. This is just proof that in some — some — ways, we have advanced as a society.

Pre-Game Babble

You know how columnists and sportscasters love throwing out small sample stats which could dictate the outcome of short series like this one? Well here's one for ya'. The Phillies are 3-0 when I live blog them. I even did a regular season matchup between these two, and Pedro Feliz hit a game-winning home run in the 11th inning. Therefore, look for the exact same thing to happen tonight.

But relax, AJ. Before you go pinning me down for the rest of the NLCS, remember that it's still probably inevitable that we'll have a Dodgers-Red Sox World Series, and a nation will pry quotes about Manny Ramirez from everyone up to two degrees separated from either team. Don't fight it. Why even get out of bed?

Because bingo's calling, that's one reason.

The Philly Inquirer asked McCarver what he thought about Manny's resurgence in blue and the answer was in a word: "despicable." Here we go ...

"I mean, talk about wearing out your welcome in a town, and it was a long welcome with the Red Sox. But some of the things he did were simply despicable, despicable - like not playing, refusing to play. Forgetting what knee to limp on. And now it's washed, it's gone" ...

"A rejuvenated Manny, I think it would be fair to say," McCarver said, sitting in the Phillies dugout yesterday. "More than old Manny. Manny's doing things that even Manny doesn't do, [like] scoring on a double to right field from first base."

McCarver laughed and asked which knee was it that was hurting?

"It's a wonderful story in many, many ways, and from Boston's standpoint, it's a horrible story, I would imagine, because he could be doing that for Boston," McCarver said.

So he's "a real man" then?

You know, I've always sort of liked McCarver, because ... well ... when it comes to color commentary it could be much, much worse. And he maybe has a point, kinda? But he's also an old man and should L.A. win the series, who the hell knows what Manny is capable of? Provided he even realizes that his team is going to the World Series. He may just get in his car, drive to Wasilla and forget the whole thing ever happened. Or McCarver could get swirlied on live TV.

Oh, and thank you, disinterested media for giving us all reasons to care.

• McCarver outspoken about L.A.'s dread man [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Smoltz recounts Sanders dousing McCarver [SI]

Series Schedule
Game 1: Thursday, October 9, 8 p.m. Los Angeles (Lowe) at Philadelphia (Hamels).
Game 2: Friday, October 10, 4 p.m. Los Angeles (Billingsley) at Philadelphia (Myers).
Game 3: Sunday, October 12, 8 p.m. Philadelphia (Moyer) at Los Angeles (Kuroda).
Game 4 : Monday, October 13, TBA. Philadelphia at Los Angeles.
Game 5 (if necessary): Wednesday, October 15, TBA. Philadelphia at Los Angeles.
Game 6 (if necessary): Friday, October 17, TBA. Los Angeles at Philadelphia.
Game 7 (if necessary): Saturday, October 18, TBA. Los Angeles at Philadelphia.

SEVEN THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE PHILLIES-DODGERS SERIES

1. Charlie Manuel Is Comfortable With Himself. The Phillies manager, whose main qualification when he was hired was that he Wasn't Larry Bowa, has been a steadying, folksy presence in a town that could use both. This is not a place that is kind to its managers. (For the record, Terry Francona never won more than 75 games there.) Nothing seems to faze Manuel, and he has earned his stoicism honestly. Over the last 20 years, to quote Sports Illustrated, he has "had a heart attack, quadruple-bypass surgery, diverticulitis and an operation to remove a cancerous kidney." In 2000, while managing the Indians, he carried a colostomy bag next to him in the dugout, under a jacket.

2. Joe Torre, Indestructible. As strange as it might seem to not have the Yankees in the postseason, there is a certain level of comfort in having Joe Torre around, a guy who even the millions of Yankee haters can't completely despise. (Even if his genius seems to manifest itself in the act of sitting in the dugout and chewing gum.) The Dodgers are the third team Torre has brought to the postseason, but it's his fifth job overall. We Cardinals fans will remember his string of middle-division finishes in the early '90s, but I'd actually forgotten he got his start with the Mets in 1977 as a player-manager. Anybody else miss player-managers? Wasn't the existence of player-managers an implicit admission that managing a baseball team really isn't that hard? Who would be a player-manager now? Jason Varitek? Craig Biggio might have been reasonable, were he still around. The Brewers really should have just hired Ray Durham.

3. It's Pat! It seems strange to think of how unpopular Pat Burrell was in Philadelphia a few years ago; he's now the veteran slugging two homers in the NLDS clincher. Everyone's come around in recent years, because: 1. He's hitting the crap out of the ball, and; 2. The reputation born out by this story, told famously by Daulerio in his Deadspin season preview a couple of years ago. "The story goes: A few guys were on a business trip in Pittsburgh. A couple of the guys knew the Phils were in town, so when they all spotted Burrell at a club there one night, it wasn't a total surprise. Pat ended up taking a liking to one of the girls in their group. She thought he was hot but didn't follow baseball. He took her back to his hotel room, and a make-out session ensued until she alerted Pat that she would NOT do him. Not fazed by this, Burrell seemed to respect her chastity, and rather than force himself on her or fly into a blueball rage, he asked a simple question, glancing down at his engorged pants: "Mind if I take care of business?"

Hey, we've all been there.

4. If Only Andruw Could Have Been Here. The Dodgers already have more outfielders than they need — Joe! Keep Pierre on the bench! You know this, in your heart! — but it's still worth reflecting on just how horrible Andruw Jones was this year before the Dodgers did the mercy kill and ended his season. Jones, who 51 homers just three years ago, batted .158 with three homers and 14 RBIs. In 209 at-bats, he struck out 79 times. Whatever happened to him — and there are plenty of suspects — it's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen happen to a baseball player. He might have been overrated before, but honestly: The guy has made five All-Star teams this decade and is still only 31 years old. (That's only a year-and-a-half older than Chase Utley, as a comparison.) But hey: He'll make $15 million next season. For fun, check out this MLB Blog "written" by Jones at the beginning of the season. For some reason, he didn't end up doing many posts. Hmm.

5. Sorry. It's The Postseason. It Has To Come Up.

Brad Lidge settled down after his somewhat shaky first postseason appearance, but if Manny's up in the ninth with the bases loaded, two outs, and the Phillies up by one or two runs ... I still know where I'm putting money. Well, other than under the pillow.

6. Jamie Moyer Is Awesome. For the record, here are people who played with Jamie Moyer on the Cubs in his first year in baseball: Jody Davis, Ron Cey, Davey Lopes, Terry Francona, Dennis Eckersley, Steve Trout, Lee Smith. Oh, and Greg Maddux, of course. Moyer will actually turn 46 in November, and is a free agent after the season. He's certainly pitching well enough to come back; he notched his lowest ERA since 2003. (He actually pitched one season for the Cardinals, for Joe Torre in 1991. He had a 5.74 ERA and then missed all of 2002. You have to love a guy who thought his career was over because of injury 16 years ago. Oh, and his father-in-law is Digger Phelps.

7. Hey, The Dodgers Feel Pain Too. Everyone acts like the East Coast has some sort of patent on sports suffering — mainly because everyone out here is more miserable, generally, as a rule — but the Dodgers haven't exactly had the best couple of decades. Their last World Series was 20 years ago — yes, the Gibson-over-Eckersley year — and before their sweep of the Cubs, they had gone 1-12 in the postseason since then. Every team in the playoffs other than the Rays had won more postseason games than the Dodgers over the last 20 years. If you were a Dodger fan born any time after 1985, this is the first time you've ever had anything to celebrate in October. Not for nothing.

PREDICTION
One gets the sense that, for the first time in a while, the NLCS is going to be more fun than the ALCS. No matter what, this series is getting back to Philly in a week-and-a-half. If the Phillies can avoid putting themselves in that Lidge-Manny moment ... Phillies in seven.

• The Rockies Have Saved Me From My Wicked Ways. I shall never again doubt wild card teams that come from the NL West. Once again the Rockies made all the right moves, including a balls of steel move by Hurdle to bring in a rookie pinch hitter in the bottom of the 4th. Naturally he blooped a 1-2 pitch to left for a double. And you knew it was going to happen. It was like God preordained it, including the subsequent D-Backs error that led to 4 more runs. That's the weird thing about the Rockies. They're literally playing on another plane, and it's actually tangible. While Boston fans piss and moan and expect failure, this Rockies team exudes such a unreal level of confidence that even casual observers watching this team play have a firm belief that they'll win. And they do, over and over and over again.

And are they going to win the World Series? Hell yes they are. Forget the "they'll be off for too many days" excuse (besides, teams with 5 days off or more going into a World Series are 7 for 10 at winning it) or the "what if they lose a game?" question. It doesn't matter anymore. This team is winning it all. Period. [100 Percent Injury Rate]

• Colorado Rockies: 2007 National League Champions. This incredible season just got a flag to fly over Coors forever. We are one more crowning achievement away from the ultimate prize, four wins away from a parade through downtown Denver. [Purple Row]

• Christmas In Rock-tober — Rockies World Series Bound. "The art of fiction is dead. Reality has strangled invention. Only the utterly impossible, the inexpressibly fantastic, can ever be plausible again." - Red Smith. You may not dream it, but you always hope for it. And when it comes... boy, ol' Red had it right, as far as I can see. Simply inexpressible. Simply unbelievable. Fiction is dead. So let the truth ring out from the Coors Field clock tower. The Colorado Rockies are National League champions. [Up In The Rockies]

• Thank You. The 2007 baseball season is over for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Not, perhaps, the way we wanted it to a week ago, but I think most of us would agree that it has surpassed expectations. Yes, the series against the Rockies was hugely disappointing, and the manner in which it ended was a real shame, which will take some time to heal. But I can not bring myself to look back upon the 2007 season with anything but fondness. [AZ Snakepit

• D-backs' Season Over. It was a great season, a fantastic division series, and a depressing league championship series. Our boys just couldn't get the hits they needed, and the Rockies beat us the way we beat people all season long. Set your clocks to March 31st. The Diamondbacks open the season playing against the Cincinnati Reds, and we get another shot at winning it all. [Out In The Desert]

• Goodbye, Frank TV. The Rockies' 6-4 win over the Diamondbacks ended the NLCS, and in turn forced us to bid farewell to TBS, and its partner in crime, Frank TV. Good luck to you, Frank and your litany of impersonations. It's too bad — Frank actually does a pretty good Madden and Robin Williams impersonation. But with all the promotion, all the ads, it won't be enough. See, it's over a month until Frank TV actually hits the airwaves. And by then Frank and his crew will be nothing but a distant memory. [Lion In Oil]

The Rockies' fanbase is often underrated due to its age. We can understand Red Sox, Cubs and Indians fans, familiar with far more extended periods of suffering, mocking the Rockies; ooh, you waited 14 years. How AWFUL. But we think that's probably unfair. If you were from Denver and never had a team of your own, you've spent a decade and a half waiting for something, anything to happen with your team. And this is not necessarily a Johnny Come Lately fan base; they continue to hold the all-time single-season attendance record, 4.5 million, from their first season. Maybe you can't talk to your grandfather about how he suffered with the Rockies as a boy, but that doesn't mean the jubilation isn't earned.

It'll be eight days before the World Series begins. One might say this could cool the Rockies off, but at this point, it's not merely a matter of being hot. The Rockies are better than everyone else right now, and it's not even that close.

The game is starting at 10 p.m. on TBS, and because the network is only showing the NLCS games, tonight might be your last chance to watch those Frank TV advertisements. Boy, do we ever know what we're tuning in to come November!

On the whole, this is the type of series that makes Jayson Stark's head explode, which is always entertaining. (We like Stark, actually, though we still miss the mustache.) The man trying to send the Rockies to baseball's grandest stage is Franklin Morales, a man who has been able to legally drink for nine months. He faces the world's greatest hitting pitcher, Micah Owings. Perhaps it's best for everyone if this series finishes up tonight; it might just make everyone a little easier, and help everybody — including those idiots writing baseball columns every night before waking up at 7 to run a sports Web site — sneak in a little more sleep.

What the Rockies are doing is unprecedented of course, but what's really striking is that they don't seem to be breaking much of a sweat. There wasn't a moment last night in which you weren't convinced that Colorado was going to win. There was no drama, not much doubt; when the game was tied, it felt like the Rockies were up by three runs. And when they were up by three, it felt like six. And we're talking about the Colorado Rockies. They might be sucking the drama out of their games, but a winning team wouldn't have it any other way. They've got a chance to clinch a trip the World Series this evening. We're not even sure Bob Melvin doubts, at this point, that it will happen.

The Joy Of The Steamroll [Fair And Foul]