I, for one, will be sad to see him go, because Weis was a living monument to the hubris and folly of his school and its supporters. (For example, this book was actually written and is still available for sale via their ESPN.com clubhouse page.) Just seven games into his first season as head coach, Notre Dame handed Weis a nonsensical ten-year contract extension lashing themselves to his rather prodigious anchor until 2015—despite the fact that the coach he replaced had an identical record at the same point the year before (and also started 8-0 in his first season) and was fired for it. Five years later, he finished with a lower winning percentage than that previous coach and his team has become a punch line. It will now reportedly cost the school around $18 million just to run him out of town, while they naively cling to the belief that the Fighting Irish name alone will be enough to persuade A-list college coaches to ditch their actual successful programs to come run this terrible one. Good luck with that.

However, I will mostly miss him because his teams were lousy and I enjoyed watching them lose.

Source: Notre Dame fires head football coach Charlie Weis [NYDN]

The first comes from the South Bend Tribune:

The 22-year-old junior from Westlake Village left the restaurant/bar without incident initially, the source said. But Clausen's date forgot her purse inside. The two went back into get it about 2 a.m., and as they were leaving, Clausen's date was pushed by a man outside the bar.

Words were exchanged between Clausen and the man, the source said. Clausen pushed the man away, with his hand landing in the man's neck area. The man then punched Clausen in the eye, and the two wrestled on the ground for a few seconds before the fight was broken up.

Police were called to the scene, in part because of that incident, in part because of some other skirmishes going on at the establishment. No arrests were made.

The second comes from emailer "Ted":

Hey guys-

I'm sure you're already all over this, but there's a lot of chatter on the Notre Dame message boards about the Jimmy Clausen incident. Some first-hand accounts are saying that the story being peddled to the public is straight BS - that Jimmy got beat up for throwing a drink/slapping another dude's girlfriend. I have no idea if any of this is true or not, but let's be honest - with that spiky hair, Clausen looks just like the kind of guy who would do something like that. Anyways, here's hoping you all get some honest to God firsthand accounts of what actually happened. I somehow doubt Jimmy's parents were still out with him at 2 in the morning, and how does one sucker punch lead to two black eyes?

Ted

For the record, one broken nose can easily bruise both eyes, but that's neither here nor there. Finally, an unsourced version comes out of the ether:

According to my son (Tim), here's what happened early Sunday morning.

Tim was sitting at the bar next to Clausen's brother and his wife. (He thinks it was Casey Clausen, 6-5 250+) Casey goes into the bathroom. Tim starts chatting up his wife. He said something funny enough to her that got her laughing at him (not sure how he did that). When Clausen's brother comes out, he sees Tim and his wife laughing and figures Tim is seriously hitting on her. He goes up to them and starts into Tim. Both Tim and his wife try to calm him down. He doesn't go for it. Tim said he grabbed his arm and told him to relax...that turned out to be a big mistake.

Clausen's brother then grabs Tim by the collar and starts lifting him out of his chair. (At this point Tim feels he's in pretty big trouble). As he's dragging him outside, Jimmy Clausen sees them and yells across the bar to take Tim out and beat the crap out of him. Jimmy is about to reach them when, out of the blue, some big drunk kid bursts in front and sucker-punches Jimmy three times. Jimmy is on the ground. Mike Ragone (ND tight end) then jumps in, pulls the guy off Jimmy Clausen and tells his brother to let Tim go. By this point Clausen's brother had dragged Tim almost to the door. Ragone was finally able to convince him to let Tim go.

Every one settled down and went back to drinking. The Clausens hung around. Tim (in a fit of brilliance) moved to the other side of the bar.

About an hour goes by, and the Clausen's get up to leave. Apparently, Jimmy went outside, and another drunk kid gives him a hard time. They get in a little 'skirmish', but its broken up and everyone goes home.

Tim never did get the name of the kid who punched Jimmy, but he owes his un-broken nose to him. I think my son learned a little lesson in risk and reward...

You might find it interesting that Theories One and Three do not necessarily contradict each other. Feel free to factor that into your decision making. If anyone finds any other explanation, leave them in the comments or email us and we'll post those too. The truth is out there, people.

[Photo via JimmyClausenOnline.org]

UPDATE: Another one. Question everything!

Got the word from a legitimate source in South Bend. And by legitimate I mean my (ND student) brother's cable guy was an eye witness to everything that happened in the parking lot at CJ's. Basically Jimmy is out in the parking lot waiting for his brothers when some fan decked out in ND gear (probably an Eastern Michigan alum) informs JC that "he sucks". Clausen told the guy he was a jackass/asshole and to back off, to which the fan responds "I should hit you in the face right now". JC then says "oh yeah", then gets hit with a right.

Also:

The employee said off-duty South Bend police officers were working at the bar providing security, which is fairly common there.

"If anything had happened inside, we would have handled it," he said. "No one was accosted inside." [ESPN]

According to the bartender at CJ's Pub in South Bend, Clausen stopped by the watering hole after Saturday's crushing double OT loss to the Huskies. He was there with his family and other upperclassmen teammates following the Senior Day game. There may also have been "a female acquaintance" with the party. As Clausen tired to leave the bar around 2:30 a.m., there was allegedly some sort of disturbance with an irate fan who then "sucker-punched" Clausen, giving him "at least" one black eye. That's gotta suck.

No police were called so details of the incident are sketchy and no one seems to know what happened to the mysterious puncher. My theory? It was Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone. Hear me out. See, she used to date a football player from Brown University, but recently traded up for another Brown—Cleveland Brown Brady Quinn. The last Irish starting quarterback before Clausen arrived on campus? That's right ... Brady Quinn.

Quarterbacks. Irish. Browns. Sacramone. It all connects! Sort of like a well-placed punch to the face.

Case closed.

David Kaplan report: Clausen in fight outside South Bend bar [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Jimmy Clausen involved in altercation outside a South Bend, Ind., bar [Chicago Tribune]
Source: Notre Dame Fighting Irish QB Jimmy Clausen punched by irate fan [Joe Schad]
Brady Quinn's New Girlfriend Is Alicia Sacramone [Larry Brown Sports]

University officials have pointedly declined to offer any endorsements of Weis, and he himself hasn't acted particularly confident he'll be back: Weis canceled his press conference Sunday, after yet another loss. So it's no wonder Irish fans are eagerly jumping into that other South Bend tradition of speculating on who the next coach is going to be.

But the school has taken away one of their favorite tools. Long have fans used flightaware.com to track the progress of a certain Cessna Citation with the tail number N42ND. But try to look up the school's jet now, and here's what you get.

Now officials can fly in and wine and dine the head coach candidates at their leisure, secure in the knowledge that it won't be all over the message boards the next day. And Weis can sleep a little easier, not having his failure tracked in real time. Make no mistake, though; he's still gonna get shitcanned.

But maybe it's not his fault! From a letter to the editors of the Cincinnati Enquirer:

Notre Damers, quit picking on coach Charlie Weis. There is nothing he can do because it's out of his hands. God has intervened and is repaying Notre Dame for bestowing an honorary degree on pro-abortion President Obama.

Notre Dame Football: Questions, Answers That Will Frame Weis' World [South Bend Tribune]
God Punishing Notre Dame [Cincinnati Enquirer]

•Tony Gonzalez (and a strategically placed Mrs. Gonzalez) go naked for a PETA ad. Think it's ironic someone on the Falcons, of all teams, to do an anti-fur ad? Well, it's not; Michael Vick never wore fur.

•The Raiders are actively cooperating with the NFL of Tom Cable's Punch-Out!! because they hope to be able to fire Cable "with cause," and not have to pay him. Or they could keep him on staff, and not have to pay any assistants whose careers he ends.

•A Notre Dame assistant called out Navy's head coach for his postgame comments and repeated chop blocks. Never mind the fact that it was Veterans Day; any team who tries to cripple the Fighting Irish will always have the public's sympathy.

•Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino win Gold Gloves. They're obviously not talking about batting gloves.

•In a battle of teams named after primary colors, the Red Wings demolish the Blue Jackets 9-1. But if they could somehow combine forces, they would blend into the Purple Parrots, the absolute best team on Legends Of The Hidden Temple.

•Jim Riggleman "wins" the hotly contested Nationals manager sweepstakes, and will sign a one-year contract. Second prize, obviously, was a two-year deal.

•Finally, we've got Duke recruit Kyrie Irving starring in his high school production of High School Musical:

Look at these two Notre Dame fans, who were so thrilled to feel the turf under their feet before their beloved Irish took on USC this weekend. Let's get a picture! With a real life college football player in the background for some "color."

So do you think they knew that sophomore tight end Blake Ayles was giving them the 'ol double deuce all along? Or was that just a pleasant surprise waiting for them when they checked their camera later?

The USC Trojans: We got your school spirit right here.

[Photo by Nick Shelton via Facebook]

* * * * *

How was your weekend? Did you see "Where The Wild Things Are," the first kids' movie designed to make you hate childhood? No wonder there are so many nine-year-olds on Prozac these days. Sheesh. Lighten up, Francis.

The billboard—which reads "Best wishes to Charlie Weis in the fifth year of his college coaching internship"—sits directly above the Linebacker Inn, a charming little watering hole just spitting distance from Notre Dame Stadium. Since the message was signed, "Linebacker Alumni," most assumed that the bar was the one responsible. According to BlueandGold.com, however, there's only one linebacker responsible—Tom Reynolds, a "seldom-used" backup from the Ara Parseghian days who has no apparent affiliation with the bar. Money well spent ... butt-head!

Weis, for his part, was philosophical about the whole thing.

"I'm the head coach at Notre Dame - I mean, welcome to my world," he told WSBT News at his pre-game press conference Tuesday. "Tell ‘em thanks a lot for wishing me best wishes. I heard about it, I haven't seen it and we'll just leave it at that."

Ahh, the "jerk is a tug, a tug is a boat" defense. Well played.

Controversial billboard blasts Weis [South Bend Tribune]
Ready To Roll [Blue and Gold, fourth item]
BEST WISHES TO TOM REYNOLDS IN THE 65TH YEAR OF HIS HUMAN INTERNSHIP [Her Loyal Sons]
Charlie Weis billboard suggests Notre Dame coach has room for improvement [Chicago Sun Times]

The preseason AP poll came out today and against all logic, the Fighting Irish (a weak 7-6 last year) are No. 23. (Same as the coaches poll.) They return all 11 starter on an offense that wasn't that good, but their schedule (as usual) is a joke. They only have four true road games and get their two toughest opponents at home. The rest are the dregs of the major conferences and the always pesky Navy. They could easily get nine wins against this group and 11-1 isn't inconceivable. And because they're Notre Dame, that would actually be enough.

The scenario Holtz depicts sounds ludicrous on it face, but I can actually see it happening. Watch them slowly climb up the rankings, until one day in December you wake up and they're No. 2 or 3 in the country. No one will believe that they deserve it and you will pull your hair out in frustrated disbelief, but it won't matter. Notre Dame gets what it wants.

Or Charlie Weis will eat his playbook before the Michigan game and they'll go 3-8. It could go either way.

But McMackin quickly realized he had made an oopsie, so he preemptively declared that he was misquoted in stories that had not yet been written with a quote that was in no way taken out of context. By doing so, he repeated the slur twice more. He asked the dozen-or-so beat reporters in the room to cover for him; if they didn't, he said he would just deny it. The digital recorders were running the whole time.

Soon after, McMackin returned to the podium and tried again to make things all better.

"I want to officially, officially apologize," he said. "Please don't write that statement I said as far as Notre Dame. The reason is, I don't care about Notre Dame. But I'm not a — I don't want to come out and have every homosexual ticked off at me. You know what I mean. Because I don't have any problem with homosexuals. But I apologize for saying that and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't run that word. If you said dance, that's OK. But don't use the bad term that I chose, please. Thank you."

Of course, in coming back to the mic, McMackin all but assured himself of the blanket coverage he dreaded. Some good apologizing does — it forced him to repent again.

"I would sincerely like to apologize for the inappropriate verbage, words that I used," he said. "… I'm really ticked off at myself for saying that. I don't have any prejudices and it really makes me mad that I even said that and I'm disappointed in myself. … What I was trying to do was be funny and it's not funny and even more it isn't funny to me. I was trying to make a joke and it was a bad choice of words and I really - I really, really - feel bad about it and I wanted to apologize. I'm going to apologize to my team. I'm going to apologize to the people in Hawaii."

On another note, after he slipped up for the first time, McMackin went on to describe the best ha'a he had ever seen: "They're on their chairs. They had beads on, they're ripping the beads off. It was a little scary." Sounds... actually, let's not go there. Don't want to be misquoted.

Hawaii coach uses gay slur at media event [Idaho Press-Tribune]
Idaho coach uses gay slur in reference to Notre Dame [Idaho Statesman]
McMackin slip creates controversy [Star Bulletin]
Warriors coach apologizes [Honolulu Advertiser]

A team of Notre Dame legends trekked over to the next potential-maybe-or-maybe-not hotbed of football to play the country's national team, and — get this — the Golden Domers managed to escape from Tokyo with a 19-3 win, giving Notre Dame a 1-0 record against Japan. I'm sure it's an accomplishment worthy of the media guide, but it won't show up on Charlie Weis' page. No, because this win belongs to Holtz, who slobbered out plenty of what he thought were lauding words for the losing side.

Mr. Holtz, known for his effusive praise of opposing teams, lauded the spirit of the Japan side, saying Japanese football had improved greatly and that the national squad had played at the level of a mid-major Division I-A college football program.

"Getting a compliment in defeat is somewhat meaningless," said Kiyoyuki Mori, Japan's national team coach after the loss. "It's not about moral victories."

Sounds like a Notre Dame kind of guy.

The Fighting Irish Take On Japan [Wall Street Journal]
Vickers leads legends by Japan [South Bend Tribune]
EARLIER: Notre Dame Desperately Wants To Beat Someone At Football

The California Kid, Nate Montana, is going to enroll in Pasadena City College and play for one year, before transferring back to Notre Dame and try to compete for the starting quarterback job in 2010. Pasadena City College? I think UND plays them next year.

In case anyone thinks there's some kind of funny business goin' on with the heralded quarterback, Nate is here to put any of those rumors to bed. (There were rumors?)

I'm going there with the intention of getting playing time and then returning to Notre Dame in the spring to join back up with the team and compete again for the job ... Nothing's ever certain. That's a long way down the road, and I guess we'll just have to see where things go ... I don't have any academic problems or personal deals, it's purely for the experience of getting some time under center.

Just say it, son. You don't want to constantly live in your father's shadow. You want to stay at home for a year, do your thing, and then take a crack at the ol' big time school. It's the Carlton Banks Success Plan. I mean, look at him now! Actually ... whatever happened to him?

It's not just "some community college" he's choosing instead of Charlie Weis' fantastic program. The Pasadena City College Lancers have won five national titles, the most recent being 1977. Notable NFL alumni include Browns defensive lineman Jerome Harrison, and there've been dozens of famous PCC grads, such as singer/songwriter William Hung, fashion model Nick Nolte, and gay rights activist Fred Phelps.

Montana Headed To Junior College [South Bend Tribune]

Marquette's schedule is seriously backloaded (last five games: @ Georgtown, UConn, @ Louisville, @ Pitt, Syracuse), but the good news is that they have an opportunity to roll up an impressive record while the rest of the league slugs the crap out of each other. Only four Eagles combined for all 71 points, but Jerel McNeal had 27 of them last night and the Eagles pulled away late.

Notre Dame, meanwhile, has been effectively eliminated from the conference race and must scramble to simply try and rack up enough wins to make to the NCAA tournament. Luke HARANGODY! had 29 and 17, but didn't score in the final 3:30 as the Irish have followed a 45-game home winning streak with a two-game home losing streak (and four in a row overall.) They were ranked in the Top 10 at one point, but have simply been crushed by the toughest part of their schedule. Then again, they are Notre Dame. [Chicago Tribune]

Oklahoma 89, Oklahoma St 81: News flash: Blake Griffin is good. He had 19 rebounds—one more than all of the Cowboys combined—while Austin Johnson threw in five three-pointers and that was enough for the Sooners to hold off a late OSU rally.

Does anyone else get a Danny Manning/Carmelo Anthony vibe off this guy? Like, Griffin may or may not be the best player in the country, but he's exactly the kind of guy who can carry a team to six straight wins in March? Simply typing that sentence is probably a lifetime jinx, but a little pressure never bothered Sam Bradford, right? [Kansas City Star]

Louisville outscored the Irish 16-2 in the extra five-minute period, as the ND offense withered and died late in the game. They almost lost at the buzzer in regulation when the Irish were actually saved by a weird backcourt violation call. Luke Harangody—say it out loud, it's fun—scored 28 and had 13 boards, but fouled out, while Terrence Williams had 24 and 16 for Louisville, which is like ... way better. The moral of story is that, when properly motivated, Rick Pitino's teams can still play defense.

Okahoma 78, Texas 63: In the Red River something or other, Blake Griffin did exactly what I told him to do (20 and 10, for his 14th double-double in 17 games) as Oklahoma easily dispatched Texas. All five Sooner starters played over thirty minutes, as the bench combined for 10 total game minutes. That's what we in the business call "a lack of depth," but who cares when you're 16-1.

Also, I am now convinced that Taylor Griffin is in Norman merely to confuse opposing defenders into thinking they are guarding his little brother. I think it works too. Maybe the Mannings should try that sometime.

''I hate it, playing up there,'' Marinelli told cardinalreport.com after practice Wednesday, referring to Notre Dame . ''The field, excuse my language, the field sucks. The stadium sucks. I think the area sucks. I grew up with a bunch of Irish and Italian Catholic people back home,'' said the 6-7, 297-pound senior from Braintree, Mass. ''And all the Irish Catholic people, all they talk about is Notre Dame this, Notre Dame that. And they've never even been there, you know. So I hate those guys, I hate that school. We are going out there to mash them up, and that's all there is to it.''

As if the Irish weren't already motivated by a 23-7 loss to Michigan State on Sept. 20. But Marinelli wasn't through.

''We'll be ready,'' Marinelli said when asked how he and his linemates will handle Notre Dame's blitzes. ''I've seen a lot of tape, and it is a good challenge for us. But on the same token, it's going to go bad for them at one point, and we are going to gash the [expletive] out of them, I promise you that. So keep bringing it, keep bringing it. They have one sack all year on 200 blitzes.''

It didn't take long for the big guy to get called onto the carpet. This is Stanford, after all. The athletic department released the Marinelli's apology Thursday afternoon: ''I would like to apologize to the University of Notre Dame and anybody else who I may have offended from the remarks I made in an interview earlier this week. I was caught up in the emotions of the game and should have been more thoughtful in my comments. The remarks were out of character for me and certainly aren't reflective of my teammates or anybody else affiliated with the Stanford program. I look forward to a competitive game on Saturday in one of the great environments in college football.''

Notre Dame students would normally be realy agitated, except that they have better thungs to worry about.

Stanford — Stanford? — Player Calls Out Notre Dame [San Jose Mercury]

McGrath is a second-year law student at Notre Dame, and an occasional marathon runner. Well, perhaps "occasional" doesn't quite cover it. This weekend, he flew home to Long Island to run the Long Island Marathon ... won it ... and then got back to South Bend in time to take a Jurisprudence final at 9 a.m. Monday morning.

Guys like Dan McGrath honestly ruin it for the rest of the planet. Be a superhuman, be a lawyer ... just pick one, man. The rest of us can't keep up.

Hottie Runner Wins Long Island Marathon, Nails Jurisprudence Final [Ladies ...]