Yup. That's a classic Bills throwback spied in Albany, N.Y. You know. They never did find the "real killers." So keep your eyes open. [Via Three Idiots on Sports]

All eyez were on this man in Cleveland on Sunday. Loves his Browns, loves his Tupac. [Thanks, Brett!]

The extra S is for Spelling, which Drew Brees does Exsellently [Thanks, AppleOwner!]
Something tells me these two Georgia State Police troopers aren't going to be taking a bullet for Steve Spurrier. [Via Twitpic]

Speaking of alternate spellings, the crazy "tea bag" protesters who think Obama wants mandatory, government-funded grandmother abortions have found their savior. As long as they don't have to write his name in on the ballot. [Photo via NineTwelvePhotos on Flickr]

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your U.S. Open finals opponent. [Thanks, Robert!]

I hope Nike didn't spend too much on the "Unleash Urlacher" campaign. A small fortune, you say? Gee, that's a shame. [ESPN homepage, Thanks, EVERYBODY!]

June 17, 1994, 1:15 ET

O.J. Simpson Charged With Murder

Holy crap. The LAPD has just announced that they have charged O.J. Simpson with two counts of murder with "special circumstances." O.J. Simpson. The football player. The Juice. Unbelievable.

We have all been wondering for the last week if it could really be true. Could O.J.—the legend, the Hall of Famer, the guy who ran through all those airports—could he really have killed his wife? Could he really have murdered two people in cold blood? The Los Angeles police seem to think so. They have issued an arrest warrant, but have made an agreement with Simpson's lawyers and he will turn himself in later this morning.

I guess we'll know more when he shows up, but the whole thing is still so surreal. Murder. It's almost too crazy to imagine.

UPDATE: 5:25 ET

Holy. Crap. The Los Angeles District Attorney just came on TV and said that O.J. Simpson is a wanted "fugitive." He was supposed to turn himself in three hours ago and never showed up. That can't be good.

Gee, it's hard to believe that a man possibly facing the death penalty, with the means and resources to go on the run, wouldn't voluntarily show up to go to prison. Maybe the police could have spared an extra car and given him a lift or something?

So now what do we do? I guess if you see O.J., you should give the LAPD a call or something. Other than that, I'm out of ideas.

UPDATE: 9:20 ET

HOLY SHIT. O.J. Simpson is fleeing from police RIGHT NOW. NBC just interrupted the Rockets-Knicks game to show O.J. being chased down by police on a Los Angeles freeway. The guy is actually making a run for it!

Simpson is in a white Ford Bronco that belongs to his friend Al Cowling, who is behind the wheel. They are trying to go ... somewhere? There's about 10 cop cars and 50 news helicopters following, so I'm not sure where he thinks he's going to go? Reports are saying that he may have a gun and has possibly threatened to kill himself? What the hell is going on here? How did O.J. Simpson's life suddenly turn into a Charlie Sheen movie?

The most amazing part is that this whole thing is happening in slow motion. Everyone on the highway has cleared out, but the cars involved in the chase are going maybe 35 miles an hour. Just a nice leisurely fugitive manhunt. And people are coming out of their homes to cheer him on!

Meanwhile, Bob Costas is trying to explain to NBC viewers why you should continue to care about the NBA Finals. Or anything else at this point. Good luck with that.

UPDATE: 11:00 ET

The chase has ended. Sorta. The Bronco drove back to O.J.'s house, but no one has gotten out and the cops are just sitting there wondering what the hell they're supposed to do next. The world's slowest car chase has now turned into the world's lamest hostage standoff.

UPDATE: 11:25 ET

Check this out. Over on ABC, Peter Jennings just took a live call from a crazy black man who says he sitting across the street from O.J. Simpson's house and can see O.J. in the car and he is "lookin' like he be very nervous." Turns out the guy is just a big Howard Stern fan and he just made one of America's most trusted (and trusting, apparently) newsmen look like an idiot.

Nice save, Al Michaels. Yep. This is officially the craziest day of all of our lives.

Simpson Held After Wild Chase | He's Charged With Murder of Ex-Wife, Friend [Los Angeles Times, 1994]
CNN O.J. Simpson Trial News: The Arrest [CNN]
THE SIMPSON CASE: THE PURSUIT; A Spectacle Gripping And Bizarre [New York Times, 1994]

I was unaware that O.J. was adopted by a roving gang of beer-swilling white people, but then again, it's always tough to keep track of that guy's escapades. But he is trying to get out of prison again, apparently. He just can't sit still.

*****

Just a few things. No, Gawker didn't buy a Vampire Blog. That's an ad. It says "sponsored post" in the lower right hand corner. It's a little confusing, but then plenty of things in life are confusing but you figure them out and then find something else to get aggravated about. It's a vicious, blood-sucking cycle. Yes, I just said that.

Let's all just do our best to coexist. And I think you can comment on those posts, too. So that's a plus. I guess. Fuck me? Great.

Here's a still from "Embrace Of The Vampire" where the author of "Safe At Home: Confessions Of A Baseball Fanatic" and the woman from "The Golden Child" kiss each other:

****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and any and all vampire posts that will surely test your patience for the next couple weeks. How about werewolves? You like werewolves?

Packer was recently interviewed by the Best Damn Sports Show Podcast, and they wanted to fact-check some of the more outrageous claims that appear on Billy's Wikipedia page. (Packer, of course, has no idea what Wikipedia is.) It turns out they are pretty much all true, including the story that he hired a psychic to try and find the murder weapon in the O.J. Simpson case.

First of all, is anyone really surprised that Billy Packer doesn't own a computer? Second of all ... WTF? What makes a person think it's a good idea to take it upon themselves to solve the most public murder case in history? (Probably the kind of person who believes in psychics.) Packer doesn't even hesitate to explain that he paid for a psychic to try and pinpoint the the location of the murder weapon, that he took that information to the police, and then when he was obviously rebuffed sent his own sons out to God knows where to try and dig up the knife. And this isn't the first time he's done it! (He also did it for the Katie Beers case, which was a famous New York kidnapping from 1992.) Take that, Angela Lansbury.

Tell me again why Packer isn't announcing college basketball for CBS anymore? The man is a certifiable nutcase and if that's not a recipe for quality color commentary, I don't know what is. You think Clark Kellogg would ever pull a stunt like that? I miss this guy already.

Best Damn Sports Show [Fox Sports]
Best Damn Sports Show Podcast [BDSSP]

Simpson got a 15-year sentence for the armed kidnapping, which by Nevada law means he'll be eligible for parole in five. However, he also received two additional one-to-six-year sentences that would be served after his first term ends, whenever that is. This means that at the absolute minimum, he will be in jail for the next eight years (and probably more like 10 or 11.)

We all know the long, sad tale of The Juice and while some people may feel that it's just desserts or "too little, too late", the important thing is that it's over. And I might finally be able to get something for my "Free OJ" t-shirts on eBay.

OJ Simpson jailed for 15 years [The Guardian]
O.J. "I Didn't Mean to Steal from Anybody" [NECN]

ESPNEWS and SportsCenter will televise live the sentencing of O.J. Simpson on Friday, Dec. 5. The court appearance in Las Vegas is currently scheduled for noon. Legal experts Lester Munson and Roger Cossack will provide analysis. In September 2007, Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas and on October 3, 2008 found guilty on multiple charges.

Given the overall disinterest about O.J.'s prison status, it seems a little odd for ESPN to be interrupting its normal Flores/McKendry SportsCenter variety show day for this type of coverage — it's easy to see a new Plaxico update or even a Sean Avery follow up, being a better ratings grab for them then OJ right now. And given O.J.'s non-existent relevancy as a sports icon anymore, those stories would seem to take precedence. But according to ESPN, this is the type of coverage that a "live" version of SportsCenter is made for and will hold their viewers interest. There will be no courthouse reporters outside or anything — just a camera and a few talking heads.
Another OJ Sentencing Will Be Broadcast Live [Awful Announcing]

An insider said: "They’re a deadly prison gang whose members want to finally deliver OJ fatal justice. It’ll be like tossing meat to wolves. He’ll be dead within weeks." OJ, 61, is likely to end up at Ely when he is sentenced on December 5. He was found guilty of a hotel heist last week — 13 years to the day of his acquittal over the murders of ex-wife Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

Guards have put him in an isolation cell at his current Las Vegas jail after he told pals: "I’m a dead man." He is also on suicide watch.

It still kind of amuses me that O.J. has "pals." What kind of "pals" does one make in lockup? Anyway, to be fair, if you're an Aryan prison gang worth your salt you probably have a death warrant on just about everyone.

OJ Fears White Jail Gang 'Hit' [The Sun]

Regardless of how inappropriate his quest to rejuvenate his public persona was, Simpson never shied away from attention. There was never any pangs of guilt of sense of loss or shame — even when strangers would harass him for the murders, he would always just smile, take it, and thank the individual for still caring. It was obvious that after the first trial he lacked even the most basic level of humanity to ever garner any type of sympathy. Besides his slimy lawyers and his small group of celebrity-collecting friends, O.J. will always be remembered as the man who got away with murder then, because he was both morally and financially bankrupt, attempted to capitalize on it in the same way that Kato Kaelin did.

As soon as the sentencing gets handed down, O.J. will never be front-page news ever again. Maybe his death will spark some sort of retrospective that will garner him cultural icon status he so desperately seeks but, thankfully, he won't be around to enjoy that either.

Simpson found guilty [LA Times]

From The Review Journal:

Simpson associate Thomas Riccio, after an in-studio interview Friday with radio talk-show host Anthony Crivello and retired Las Vegas police detective Phil Ramos, invited them to join O.J.'s entourage at an undisclosed location. "That's how certain he was," Crivello said during an interview on Saturday, a day after Simpson and co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart were found guilty on all counts, including armed robbery and kidnapping with a deadly weapon.

"He's been predicting a hung jury," said Ramos, who attended the trial and provided expert commentary on Crivello's show, "The Sicilians" on Fox Sports Radio KBAD-AM, 920. "The first thing that popped into my head," Ramos said, "was Sandy Murphy." He was referring to Murphy's overconfidence the day the jury began deliberating in 2000 when she and Rick Tabish were accused of killing casino operator Ted Binion in 1998.

Hope he remembered to cancel the DJ.

Simpson is being held in the Clark County Detention Center until his Dec. 5 sentencing, after which he is expected to be sent to state prison. An appeal cannot be filed until after sentencing. He is being kept in isolation at the detention center "for how own safety."

Simpson To Remain Isolated In Prison [Washington Post]
O.J. Simpson To Guests: Acquittal Party Is Off [The Zone Blitz]
Norm: Simpson Planned Acquittal Party [Las Vegas Review Journal]

• Stated Simpson's lawyer Yale Galanter on Saturday, "This was just payback. They were on an agenda."

• Simpson said prior to the verdict, "I'm afraid that I won't get to go to my kids' college graduations after I managed to get them through college."

• Said attorney Gloria Allred, who has represented the family of his slain ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. "Justice was delayed, but in this case it was not denied. Now that he may spend the rest of his life in prison, the law, and not O.J. Simpson, will have the last word."

• Loyola University law professor Laurie Levenson, who attended Simpson's murder trial, "O.J. was toxic, and he has been toxic since 1994, and this jury was just ready to clean up the mess."

• "Was this something to put someone in jail for the rest of their life for? It's a total injustice. There was no justice served in that courtroom," Simpsons friend Tom Scotto said.

It seems that the underlying theme here is whether or not Simpson was able to receive a fair trial, to which he is surely entitled. The question is, would he ever receive it? You'd be hard pressed to find a jury in the country that is unfamiliar with his murder trial. That's what happens when you play Russian Roulette with the law. Eventually you're going to catch the bullet.

This is why when you want to commit a crime and get away with it you have to go get a knife, kill two people, and then blame racist cops when the DNA proves you did it. Otherwise you're just setting up your co-defendants to testify against you. Which is exactly what Charles Ehrlich just agreed to do.

He's now the fourth to take a plea deal, leaving one co-defendant, Clarence "C.J." Stewart, facing trial with Simpson beginning Sept. 8.

Simpson and Stewart have pleaded not guilty to charges of kidnapping, armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon that could put them in prison for life if convicted.

Completely true story: After Kellen Winslow's I'm a soldier rant, O.J. saw him out at a local Miami mall and told Winslow to be careful around the media because the media would get you if you weren't careful. Again, completely true story.

Co-defendant pleads guilty will testify against O.J. [Fox Sports]

He said Simpson had smoked pot, took a sleeping pill and was drinking beer when he confided at his Brentwood home weeks after his trial what happened the night of June 12, 1994. Simpson said he went to his ex-wife's condominium, but did not bring a knife with him. Simpson told him Nicole Brown Simpson had one in her hand when she opened the door.

In a soft mumble, Simpson told him: "If she hadn't opened that door with a knife in her hand ... she'd still be alive."

Hey, AP: I've got a scoop! Didn't O.J. essentially lay out the tactics to how he killed his ex-wife (if, you know, only he had done it) in that book last year? Seems about as reputable as the testimony of a shady guy that profited off O.J. and heard a confession while O.J. was intoxicated on three different substances.

Gilbert is the second sports memorabilia dealer to write a Simpson book this year. Thomas Riccio, who arranged a Las Vegas memorabilia sale that led to Simpson's armed robbery arrest, penned "Busted" last month.

Former Gilbert partner Bruce Fromong, who was involved in the Vegas incident, said Gilbert is known for spinning tall tales.

"Mike makes up a lot of great stories," said Fromong. "Mike Gilbert has a ton of skeletons in his closet. He's as dirty as anyone."

Gravy. Put me down for a couple dozen copies of the $28 hardcover.

The guy seems sharp, but he's definitely no Johnnie Cochran.

So, right now, do you hate Harvey Levin and TMZ.com for putting the Las Vegas case out there so much? Have they made his life miserable?

Actually, if you want to know the truth, if it was appropriate, I would send Harvey a bottle of champagne and flowers. And chocolates. He has single-handedly discredited my client's two main accusers.The fact that Levin released a portion of the tape that has [one of the accusers] saying "Hey, let me get the number of Lydia at Inside Edition ... we're going to make a fortune off of this ..."

So, O.J. was set up again?

All I'm saying is, the next time I see Harvey, I'm definitely taking him to dinner.

It's a fascinating interview, though if we were Yale, and this thing went to trial, we'd be afraid O.J. was gonna replace us with a black guy.

Daily Examiner Interview: Yale Galanter [The Daily Examiner]

That guy in the glasses, the "O," he didn't even intend to be a part of this "protest." He had just been wandering around campus like that until the other guys grabbed him and whispered in his ear, "Hey, man, wanna join us on a super secret mission?" He was like, shit, dude, yeah, whatever, where am I again?

USC Displays Its Full Arsenal [The Wizard Of Odds]

I've never been much of a superstitious person. A troop of black cats could march in front of me while I smash mirrors under a ladder, and I wouldn't feel the least bit doomed. Yet, I'm a huge karma person. Each week, I do a mental grocery list to make sure I'm on the right side of the universe and try to make up for some of my missteps. Granted, I don't donate enormous amounts of money to charity to counteract them, but I do what I can: The urine-seeping homeless guy may get a pocketful of change shoved in his hand. I'll dole out cigarettes to everyone who asks. I'll stop and patiently listen to the bespectacled young do-gooder with the clipboard as he tries to sell me on financially adopting a dirty child with flies in its eyes.

Finally, O.J. Simpson and his not-so tortured soul is getting absolutely thonked with a karmic boomerang right now. We're talking monkey kid from the Road Warrior-like velocity, here, as he's seemingly headed to the slammer for his Nordbergian Las Vegas robbery attempt of some of his own memorabilia. It's a fitting end to his whole disturbingly wacky life post-murder acquittal. Most of us remember back to that day during America's Trial when the jurors read aloud that mind-numbing verdict. Remember where you were. If you were in college, like me, you may have also had the uncomfortable circumstances of living next to some of the basketball team and listening to them yelp, bang the walls and throw an impromptu party to celebrate. Needless to say, even though I got along with those guys next door, I wasn't about to rush over to hang out on their couch that day to introduce them to my questionable musical tastes as I sometimes would. Rusted Root was not a welcome topic that day.

But it isn't just O.J. who's been shit-winded by karmic justice. In the last few months, there have been plenty of sports figures with shady circumstances surrounding them who've had their own come-uppance: Vick, Belichick, Floyd Landis, Serena Wiliams' ass...

So, this week I'm inserting my plastic Thom Yorke eye, walking my pet chameleon and placing odds on the next athlete to get what's coming to them.

This is what you get...

Kobe Bryant: 2/1

If this dude doesn't get his rectum invaded by a pack of water buffalo before his life is over, there is officially no God. Kobe's always come off as this friendless cocksucker, only concerned about his own self-interest and completely unaccountable for any of his transgressions both in his private and professional life. Well, if you think dragging your horrified wife up on stage during a press conference while you tell the world how you violently fucked the help during his Colorado weekend rehab, I guess that counts. That's contrition. However, his public image has still, for the most part, recovered. As long as he still dominates on the basketball court, all is forgiven. But don't be surprised in three years when he's stricken with a horrible case of dick rot. Actually, pray for it.

Ray Lewis: 1/1

It's so odd that seemingly everyone forgets that Ray Lewis was also maybe, possibly, assuredly somewhat responsible for stabbing a guy to death after a 2000 Super Bowl party. Even better, he took a plea bargain to rat on his two friends who were also arrested that evening. (They were also eventually acquitted.) But, come on, now, Ray — do you honestly think that your only punishment for your involvement in that murder would be undisclosed hush-hush settlements to the dead guy's family and being stripped of a chance to say you're going to Disney World after you won the Super Bowl? If Ray Lewis has successfully changed his image, great. Maybe he won't get sliced open by a random stranger one night while he's out clubbing. But he'll definitely be greeted by those screeching shadow demons from the movie Ghost, the minute his dancing ass bites the dust.

Roger Clemens: 2/1

Oh, steroids, you say? Not a chance. Roger does squats all year with beer kegs on his back when he's not playing baseball. He's always in great shape. Selfish? Nah. Come on, who wouldn't want to string organizations and fans along just long enough to broker yourself another ridiculous one-year contract. Evil? Hey, throwing at people's heads is part of the game. Even if is your own son. There's nothing wrong with a little competitive spirit in a person. Can't wait until the unauthorized biography on this guy comes out, revealing him to be the most diabolical player in history. After that, he'll be completely abandoned by those who once adored him. Except for Emmylou Harris.

Magic Johnson: 1/4

Sure, he got sprayed with AIDS as a result of his Herculean sport-fucking and infidelity, but unlike most of America who gets the disease, Magic Johnson didn't die or become ostracized by the league. No, he became a talk-show host. A basketball coach. He un-retired from basketball. A movie theater mogul. A national martyr. A world-wide hero. And, still, it's been almost 20 years since this guy's been HIV'd and yet, there's nary a atrophying muscle or even a raspy cough to be found. Other less notable, less wealthy people with the same disease have had to die at his expense because he keeps getting his name bumped up to the top of the list for all the good meds. Or? He completely made the whole thing up, just so he wouldn't look like such a pussy-poaching scumbag and lose all his endorsement deals.

We don't know much about the memorabilia industry, but we don't know a lot of people proudly showing off Simpson merchandise in their homes; we can't imagine it was worth that much. That said, some merchandise might have some value, and CNBC's Darren Rovell tries to put a price on it.

1. The Glove My Estimated Value: $3 Million

On June 15, 1995, Simpson — in the courtroom — put on the extra large gloves, one of which was found bloodied outside the residence of Nicole Brown Simpson, the other found at his estate. Although they are supposedly O.J.'s size, the gloves don't fit him, which leads Simpson's late defense lawyer Johnny Cochran to utter the famous line, "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit." The prosecution argued that the glove didn't fit because it was shrunken by the blood. This will never see the light of day, but if it did, I bet someone could get $3 million for it.

Also up for hypothetical bidding are the Bronco, the Heisman Trophy, the suit and tie from the reading of the verdict and, amusingly, the wheelchair Simpson sat in as Nordberg in The Naked Gun. We'd pay good cash for that, we won't lie. Though not as much as the bail OJ just paid.

But yeah: OJ's free, everybody. Lock the doors tonight, sleep tight.

The Best OJ Memorabilia [CNBC]

Another odd thing about this: If you tell someone on tape — and apparently there's a tape! Have you heard? — that they "can't leave" or "have to stay," that counts as "kidnapping." Heavens, you should be arresting your boss for kidnapping right now.

But yeah: O.J.'s in jail, everybody. Rejoice. Justice is kind of served, not really, when's football back on again?

OJ Simpson In Court Today [CNN]