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New York, 7:57 PM
Mon Dec 14
12 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope

    The Biggest, Dirtiest, Poopiest Mailbag Yet

    Mailbag: TACO NIGHT!

    Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ectasy and Alcohol. C-c-c-c-cocaine…

    If Dan Snyder Sees Bugs, You Better Well See Them Too

    Pothead Dads, Reebok Girl, Hookers and Oatmeal: Your Open Mailbag

    Danny Snyder Doesn’t Like You Telling Him How Much He Blows

    The Joys Of Very Large Old Public Urinals

    Is Beer Die A Good Drinking Game Or Not?

    I Challenge You To A Whack Off
  • Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.
    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    It makes more sense for women to sit: 1) we always* sit,
    2) we always have to wipe, and
    3) we can easily reach between our legs from the front.

    I don't know of any women who stand, but then I haven't spent much time watching.

    *I exclude those goddamn hoverers who spray piss all over public restroom seats because "eww, the seats are too dirty to sit on." People like you are the reason for that, you filthy bitches.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of IamScarletSimmons IamScarletSimmons
    12/11/09

    @CumaeanSibyl: Do women really hover? I can only imagine that would lead to abs of steel. That or bursting forehead veins due to the stress.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl approved this comment IamScarletSimmons was starred IamScarletSimmons was unstarred
    Image of KaiserSoze KaiserSoze
    12/11/09

    @CumaeanSibyl:
    1. You DONT have to sit all the time.... man did not institute that unspoken law.. grannys did.
    2.Wiping is overrated... just shake whatcha mama gave ya and the drip will end. Crook your legs a bit and... VOILA!!
    3. You are correct on that count!! ALWAYS wipe from front to back to avoid infection
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl approved this comment KaiserSoze was starred KaiserSoze was unstarred
    Image of Who's Cartwright? Who's Cartwright?
    12/12/09

    @CumaeanSibyl: i hope you aren't implying that you wipe #2's from the corn hole to the porn hole?

    gotta be front to back when doing the devil's potty.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl promoted this comment Who's Cartwright? was starred Who's Cartwright? was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/12/09

    @IamScarletSimmons: Yeah, it's a common way of dealing with fear of dirty public restrooms. Great quad workout, but always leads to spraying. *shudder*
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/12/09

    @Who's Cartwright?: Ew, of course not.
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/12/09

    @KaiserSoze: Sitting is easier all around. They put the seat on a toilet for just that reason. I hear they have products these days to allow women to stand while peeing, but aside from camping trips, I don't see the point.

    Also: ew. The "leftover pee squelch" is second in grossness only to the "poo butt itch" described elsewhere in this thread.
     Reply
    Edited by CumaeanSibyl at 12/12/09 1:39 AM CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of Shakey Shakey
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    So why didn't Drew create a poll for this at the end of the post?
     Reply
    Shakey was starred Shakey was unstarred
    Image of Saberhagendaaz Saberhagendaaz
    12/11/09

    @Shakey: Because all the shady sitters would cheat the vote like they did for Baby Mangino.
     Reply
    Edited by Saberhagendaaz at 12/11/09 6:28 PM Saberhagendaaz was starred Saberhagendaaz was unstarred
    Image of Shakey Shakey
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Standing is the way to go just for the great angle that's created for spiking the soiled piece of toilet paper.
     Reply
    Shakey was starred Shakey was unstarred
    Image of Greek McPapadopoulos Greek McPapadopoulos
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Early in our dating years, my wife walked in on me (as girlfriends tend to do, goddammit) whilst in mid-wipe.

    Jeez, doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?
     Reply
    Greek McPapadopoulos was starred Greek McPapadopoulos was unstarred
    Image of Juancho Juancho
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    If I'm in a public restroom, I want to spend as little time in there as I can, especially as little time with my ass on the seat (more specifically, on the t.p. in-between my ass and the seat) as possible.

    Also, it gives the Larry Craig-wannabe in the next stall no time to make a move.
     Reply
    Juancho was starred Juancho was unstarred
    Image of MitchKayak MitchKayak
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    I don't understand the standers who think you have plunge your hand into the toilet. Just lean to one side.
     Reply
    MitchKayak was starred MitchKayak was unstarred
    Image of Hit Bull Win Steak Hit Bull Win Steak
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    This debate will all be rendered moot once we invent the "3 seashells"
     Reply
    Hit Bull Win Steak was starred Hit Bull Win Steak was unstarred
    Image of CumaeanSibyl CumaeanSibyl
    12/11/09

    @Hit Bull Win Steak: +3
     Reply
    CumaeanSibyl was starred CumaeanSibyl was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    How much water do people have in their toilets that they're worried about touching it?
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of TT-Zop TT-Zop
    12/11/09

    @twoeightnine: I'm not sure, but anus splashback is the bane of my existence.
     Reply
    twoeightnine promoted this comment TT-Zop was starred TT-Zop was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    12/11/09

    @TT-Zop: Splashback is one thing and completely unrelated to wiping. There's a good 6-9 inches between seat and water and when you lean forward you're gonna gain an inch or two more. Are people swooping down to come up perfectly perpendicular to the pooper? Because that's ever crazier.
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of Butter Chicken Butter Chicken
    12/11/09

    @twoeightnine: How much shit are they producing that they worry about it iceberg-ing high enough to touch their hands?

    There are probably some doors we just don't want to start opening...
     Reply
    Butter Chicken was starred Butter Chicken was unstarred
    Image of twoeightnine twoeightnine
    12/11/09

    @Butter Chicken: I believe 95% of a pooberg resides below the water line. Therefore, Americans are really, really fat.
     Reply
    twoeightnine was starred twoeightnine was unstarred
    Image of BigRicks BigRicks
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    I converted to sitting when I got to college. Though I have to agree with Scott. The "Standing Last Wipe" is effective, especially if its a monsterous or moist dump and some of the stew has found its way toward your tail bone. Much easier to access while standing; less reaching into the bowl.
     Reply
    BigRicks was starred BigRicks was unstarred
    Image of NordoftheBlings NordoftheBlings
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Insane. Need more. SAT scores of sitters vs. standers. Divorce rates. Average jail term. Drugs of choice. Fantasy team success. Do more child molestors sit or stand? Need more.
    /standers are Commie-Nazis.
     Reply
    NordoftheBlings was starred NordoftheBlings was unstarred
    Image of The Walking Eye The Walking Eye
    12/11/09

    @NordoftheBlings: Sitter, 1260/1600, never married, no jail time, alcohol and vicodin, purely mediocre fantasy team success, not a child molester, very hairy, no skid marks in the boxers, German and Irish descent
     Reply
    NordoftheBlings promoted this comment The Walking Eye was starred The Walking Eye was unstarred
    Image of ManicSquirrel: now 50% less manic ManicSquirrel: now 50% less manic
    12/11/09

    @NordoftheBlings:
    Rank: Stander
    SAT:1300
    IQ:165
    Divorce Rate: N/A
    Average Jail Term: none reported
    Drugs of Choice: Alcohol/Marijuana
    Fantasy Team Success: 2007 Champion/2009 failure
     Reply
    NordoftheBlings promoted this comment ManicSquirrel: now 50% less manic was starred ManicSquirrel: now 50% less manic was unstarred
    Image of NordoftheBlings NordoftheBlings
    12/11/09

    @The Walking Eye: @Manic Squirrel: Fascinating. Thanks, from this sample size, I've already drawn wild conclusions.
     Reply
    Edited by NordoftheBlings at 12/11/09 4:55 PM NordoftheBlings was starred NordoftheBlings was unstarred
    Image of Bobby Big Wheel Bobby Big Wheel
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    If this isn't cross-posted to Jezebel, then someone at Gawker should be fired.
     Reply
    Bobby Big Wheel was starred Bobby Big Wheel was unstarred
    Image of MattinglysSideburns MattinglysSideburns
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Noam:

    My friends and I once spent an entire afternoon discussing it, and the emerging theory was that it was a function of height. If you're 5'10 or over, you stand. If you're under, you sit. One corollary: fat people sit regardless.

    That was actually taken verbatim from his 1977, Essays on Form and Interpretation.
     Reply
    MattinglysSideburns was starred MattinglysSideburns was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    12/11/09

    @MattinglysSideburns: +1. You win the week, even though about 4 people will get this.
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of ScoreHeadGreg ScoreHeadGreg
    12/11/09

    @MarkKelsosMigraine: The 4 people that realize all he did was reference some works done by a guy with the same first name? +.77, minus the snarkiness, tops.
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine promoted this comment ScoreHeadGreg was starred ScoreHeadGreg was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    12/11/09

    @ScoreHeadGreg: I think the actual humor is in the idea that Noam Chomsky wrote about poop.

    It is fun to explain jokes!
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of MarkKelsosMigraine MarkKelsosMigraine
    12/11/09

    In reply to Sitters Vs. Standers – The Great Wipe Hope
    Several years back, Kohler introduced a model of self-flushing toilet that uses a sensor to automatically flush when the user stands up.

    This is how Howie Mandel goes to the bathroom. It also has a self cleansing mechanism like a beday. I saw it on 20/20.

    That is the worst thing I have ever wrote, said or thought.
     Reply
    MarkKelsosMigraine was starred MarkKelsosMigraine was unstarred
    Image of Kid Canada Kid Canada
    12/11/09

    @MarkKelsosMigraine:

    Bidet, mon frere.
     Reply
    Kid Canada was starred Kid Canada was unstarred
    Image of Juancho Juancho
    12/11/09

    @MarkKelsosMigraine: dude, Howie Mandel built an entire guest house for himself to sleep in when his family comes to visit, he can't stand the germ factor (even in his own kin).
     Reply
    Juancho was starred Juancho was unstarred
    Image of DirkToberFest DirkToberFest
    12/11/09

    @MarkKelsosMigraine: Who the fuck are you then? Ned Flanders?
     Reply
    DirkToberFest was starred DirkToberFest was unstarred
    Image of Clare Clare
    12/08/09

    In reply to The Biggest, Dirtiest, Poopiest Mailbag Yet
    As a Kimberly-Clark stock holder, FUCK YOU FOR IMPUGNING SCOTTISSUE!!! Fuck you very much!
     Reply
    Clare was starred Clare was unstarred
    Image of Clarence Rosario Clarence Rosario
    12/08/09

    In reply to The Biggest, Dirtiest, Poopiest Mailbag Yet
    Wait, is your brother-in-law's wife *really* your sister-in-law?

    Or just some dude's wife you're in no way related to?
     Reply
    Clarence Rosario was starred Clarence Rosario was unstarred
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