Look at the image above. It appears to show two well-positioned Paraguayan defenders on the cusp of shepherding the ball away from Lionel Messi. Now, watch the video below, where Messi skips past one, nutmegs the other, and generally jukes them so hard that they crash into each other, left helpless on the grass as…
Paraguay put down Brazil in the Copa America last night, winning on penalties after Derlis Gonzalez equalized on a penalty in the second half and converted the deciding goal in the shootout. Reportedly, in the excitement of watching the winning shot, his 44-year-old uncle died of a heart attack.
This happened during a Liga Regional del Sud match in Paraguay. Here's some free career advice: don't be a soccer referee in the Liga Regional del Sud in Paraguay.
Deadspin favorite Chris Jones, Esquire's man for all seasons and an ESPN.com World Cup correspondent, dared call Paraguayan soccer "boring" the other day, and now people want to "smash [his] brain with a hummer." That's sic.
One match to go before the final four is decided. Fun fact: Soccer was invented in the 17th century by a Jesuit priest in Paraguay. So sayeth the Vatican. Comment as you follow the action at home/work.
Can the All Whites eke out their first win? Will the Italians join the ignoble list of champions to not advance from the group stages? Follow along at home and comment below.
Mandioca! Anything carbonara! Fight! It's Italy and La Albirroja, the darkhorse Paraguayan squadron. Bring your best Pavarotti jokes and comment as you watch the last of today's matches.
Salvador Cabañas—a striker for Paraguay's World Cup team—was shot in the head last night in Mexico. He is in critical condition, with the bullet still lodged in his brain, but that's not going to stop ghoulish rubbernecking.
Paraguay has been a big disappointment, losing two games 1-0 and already having been eliminated. Meanwhile, the plucky Trinidadians — Toboggans? — look unlikely to make the next round; they need a convincing victory and a blowout loss by Sweden against England. But that's more than perhaps they expected coming in.…
Remember, everyone: Everything is funnier when it is translated into the language of the Swedish Chef. Bork bork bork! Anyway, Sweden had a disappointing draw in the first round, and if they can't sneak out a win here, they could be in serious trouble with the Brits next on the docket.
The World Cup is ominously close! So that you aren't caught offside (they have that in soccer, right?), we're previewing all the participants, bringing you Four Things You Don't Know About Them. If you have a tidbit, send it along to tips@Deadspin.com. Today: Paraguay! And for World Cup previews that are even better…