Maybe the royalties haven't been flowing from Riley's trademark of "Threepeat," (seriously, look it up), but Miami's a little short of cash. Rather than let people go, Riley asked everyone on the basketball side of operations to take cuts of up to 20 percent. And of course, by "asked," I mean "told."

That means everyone from PR people to scouts, coaches on down to ball boys will be seeing a little less green this year. All the while Quentin Richardson continues to make $9.4 million. There's no justice.

For top earners like Riley, Spoelstra and certain execs, this means cuts in the six figures. It's a noble sacrifice, but I wouldn't want to be the one to inform Riley that this won't help with the salary cap, which the Heat are $3 million over with two roster spots to be filled.

Pat Riley, Miami Heat Coaching Staff Endure Major Pay Cuts [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

• He is the Turkish Assassin. Hedo Turkoglu scored 17 of his 25 points in the fourth quarter - connecting on all four of his shots, including a couple threes, and hitting seven of eight freethrows - to help the Orlando Magic successfully complete a 102-92 execution of the New Jersey Nets. "He's our go-to guy," said superman Dwight Howard, who had his 50th double-double of the season with 17 points and 10 rebounds. At the other end of the court, the Nets settled miserably into the "Vince Carter is our new team leader" era by watching Half-man, Half-annoying miss 12 of 23 shots - including an airballed three-point attempt that the AP report says was "literally three feet wide and two feet short" - before fouling out of the game.

• Michael Redd "Lebron James'ed" the Cavaliers. King James of Cleveland scored 35 points and hit a game-tying layup with 5.9 tics on the clock, but Michael Redd zoom-zoomed downcourt and launched a 27-foot bomb over Wally Szczerbiak to secure a buzzer-beating 105-102 win for the Milwaukee Bucks. "There's nothing you can do about that," James said. "The guy made a 35-footer fading away." I wouldn't say there was "nothing" that could have been done about it. The Cavs could have trapped him, double-teamed him, threw a long-armed shot blocker like Ben Wallace at him...but hey, maybe I'm just nitpicking. Redd had 25 points to go along with his game-winner, but real hero for Milwaukee was Mo Williams, who scored a season-high 37. Szczerbiak, obtained by Cleveland for his consistent and reliable shooting touch, scored 13 points on a Larry Hughes-like 5-for-18 shooting.

• Overrated my lily-white ass. Steve Nash gave a big Canucky middle finger to the latest round of "Steve Nash is overrated" debates by scoring 25 points (8-for-11) and dishing out 13 assists in the Phoenix Suns' 127-113 win over the Memphis Grizzlies. When informed that his performance wasn't all that impressive, coming as it did against a 14-win team, Nash said, "Are you kidding me? Why is it when Kobe scores 40 points against some crap team everybody's all like 'He's the greatest player in the world' but when I go crazy they say 'Oh, but it's only the Grizzlies'? What do I have to do to get a little street cred around here?" The Suns also got 25 points from Amare Stoudemire, 23 from Grant Hill, and a double-double of 13 points and 11 rebounds from Shaq. Rudy "I'm not gay" Gay had a career-high 36 points for the Griz. Said Memphis coach Mark Iavaroni: "I don't think they had an answer for [Gay] tonight. I think they were just trying to outscore us." Well...duh.

• And in other "It finally happened" news. I think the Utah Jazz have realized that their "blockbuster" trade was for Kyle Korver. "Wait, we didn't get Gasol, or Shaq, or J-Kidd? Uh oh..." said a stunned Carlos Boozer. The Jazz then went out and committed 24 turnovers in a woeful 111-100 loss to the lowly Timberwolves, a defeat that Utah coach Jerry Sloan made sound an awful lot like domestic abuse. "They got their hands on us," Sloan said. "They knocked us around." And they really did. Four Minnesota players scored at least 20 points -Al Jefferson (22), Rashad McCants (22), Randy Foye (season-high 20), and Ryan Gomes (20) - in the team's 12th win of the season.

• See you next year, big man. The Houston Rockets said Zai Jian to Yao Ming - who will miss the rest of the season with a stress fracture in his left foot - by winning lucky number 13 in a row with a 94-69 win over the Washington Wizards. Houston started the ancient Dikembe Mutumbo at center, and he was quick to take credit for the victory. "I believe I set the tempo early and everybody just followed." I seriously hope he was kidding. Luther Head led the Rockets with 18 points. The Wizards got 18 out of Antawn Jamison, but they scored a franchise low 23 points in the first half - 12 in the first quarter, 11 in the second - and shot 31 percent for the game.

• Every dog has his day. And last night Austin Croshere was that dog. Don Nelson gave him a rare second-half start, Croshere scored a season-high 14 points on 6-for-6 shooting and the Golden State Warriors beat the Seattle SuperSonics 105-99. "The last few years, my role has been to be ready, not knowing if you're going to get a DNP or play 27 minutes," Croshere said. "Honestly, it's usually a DNP for me." The Golden Staters also got 30 points from Monta Ellis and 20 points with 10 assists and 7 steals on the side from Baron Davis. Nick Collison was The Man for Seattle (20 points, 9-for-12, 13 rebounds).

• Phil Jackson explains the Western Conference playoff picture. After the Lakers put the finishing touches on their ninth consecutive win - a 96-83 victory over the Portland Trail Blazers - Phil Jackson explained his team's chances of snagging a championship ring. "It's all about what team you're going to match up well against, then start to analyze the teams that are going to be in your bracket and see what your chances are. I think almost every team in our conference that's going to make the playoffs in the bottom ranking is going to say, 'We've got a good chance against the team above us.'" Well, that was...enlightening. Kobe Bryant scored 30 points and Jordan Farmar tied a career-high with 21. LaMarcus Aldridge paced the Blazers with 24 points.

And that's it. The Miami Heat, with everything about their team and coaching staff just screaming championship, has been swept in the first round of the NBA playoffs. It's hard to believe. You look at Pat Riley and it doesn't even seem possible that his he'd get shut out in the first. That happens to coaches who look like Brian Hill, not Pat Riley. The defending champions haven't been swept in the opening round since 1957, when it happened to the Warriors.

Game 4 was the same old story. Luol Deng with 22, Ben Gordon with 24, the Bulls getting to the loose balls, and making the Heat look like an over-40 YMCA team. So long, Miami Heat ... but don't worry, the Dallas Mavericks might soon steal some of your shamed spotlight.

Chicago 92, Miami 79 [ESPN]

Other highlights of the Miami Heat's White House championship ceremony on Tuesday:

• President Bush commended the Heat by saying: "They had the stars, everybody knew who they — who the stars are, but it was the capacity to play together, to put the team ahead of themselves, that enabled them to be here at the White House." He then introduced the players ... with the stars, Shaq, Dwyane Wade and coach Pat Riley using a special, separate entrance from the rest of the team.

• Despite Riley leaving the Heat for health reasons while the team was mired in a terrible slump, Bush did not use the term "cut and run" even once.

• Riley said: "I voted for the man. If you don't vote, you don't count." Since Riley's from Florida, can we assume he meant more than once per election?

Bush Honors Heat, But With Mixed Emotions [MSNBC]

We're never quite gotten the Riley schtick in the first place; his Armani-wearing, slicked-back hair persona still seems stuck in a time that's before we even remember. We find it amazing that the Gordon Gekko routine was ever in vogue, but now, it just seems ridiculous, like if Doug Collins came out with this perm mullet again. We like Dwyane Wade, and we even like Shaq, but it's pretty impossible to root for a team with Riley back as its coach again. He's become like that uncle whose antics you used to think were cool, but is now just kind of sad.

Riley's Timing Arouses Suspicion [Miami Herald]

We love this AP graph so much we can't stop reading it. Here ya go: On a day when coach Pat Riley deactivated two forwards whose body fat readings aren't within team parameters, then began an indefinite leave of absence because of knee and hip problems, the defending NBA champions continued their free-fall. This truly is a gorgeous year to be a Heat fan. Clippers 110, Heat 95. Miami forwards Antoine Walker and James Posey were the offending tubbies, in case you're wondering (we're just glad that they don't have a similar policy here).

• Gilbert Loves The Leather. Agent Zero, is there anything you can't do? Gilbert Arenas' 32-foot jumper just before the buzzer gave the Wizards a 108-105 win over the Bucks.

• Everybody Loves Tony. Question: Memphis Grizzlies interim coach Tony Barone ... does that rhyme? Doesn't matter; he's doing something magical with that offense, as the Grizzlies scored 144 points in regulation in a 144-135 win over Golden State. Pau Gasol had 24 points and 13 rebounds.

• The Amazing Adventures Of Captain Canada. So it's the beginning of the fourth quarter, and Steve Nash is thinking 'It's my first game of the season in Canada, and I've got two points? What's up with that?' Nash went on to score 13 more as the Suns beat the Raptors 100-98. Nash scored eight of Phoenix's final nine points.

So there you go. That's Pat Riley breaking it down to Yung Joc's "It's Goin' Down," as only a 61-year-old white man can.

In other Heat celebration-related news, a Miami politician introduced Dwyane Wade by saying, "He's calm, collected, has a will to win, because his name, of course, is Wade Jones!" Yeah, thanks for showing up, lady. And then Heat owner Mickey Arison took the stage with the intention of ending his speech by telling Miami to "stay white hot." What actually came out of his mouth was, "Stay white!" Point guard Jason Williams has angrily refused.

Below is a link to a clip from the Dan LeBatard Show, in which Mickey Arison explains what he said, and they have a clip of the Wade Jones introduction.

The Dan Le Batard Show [790 the Ticket]
Hilarious Stupidity in Championship Celebration [What's Adam Doing?]
Shaq is Spanking Pat Riley [YAYSports!]

Down one game, any attempt by the Heat to match skill vs. skill is going out the window. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I think that we as fans should react violently to any attempt to return to that late-90's Heat/Knicks style of basketball. Not everyone has to be the Phoenix Suns, of course, but come on. Those games were hellish to watch, perhaps the ugliest games since before there was a shot clock. And if that's what Pat Riley wants to do with this series, I can't wish him any kind of success.

Heat could embrace Rileyball in Game 2 [Columbus Dispatch]
Shaq's Top 10 NBA Finals quotes [ESPN.com]

It's distasteful, sure, but Oddjack isn't here to break down the lines, so we feel like it's our job. Coming in at 5:1 is the Lakers' Ronny Turiaf, with incumbent favorite Eddy Curry falling to 10:1.

Our best bet: The longshot Pat Riley at 100:1. Anybody who puts off hip replacement surgery to coach Antoine Walker and Jason Williams is, frankly, kind of asking for it.

NBA Dead Pool [The Association]

There will be an 11 a.m. news conference in Miami — honestly, we had no idea anyone in Miami got up before noon — to announce that Stan Van Gundy (whose mustache was worn as a toupee by his brother) is stepping down and Riley is taking over. The only thing keeping Miami from the upper tier this year, we're convinced, is a coach that looked like a bowling buddy on "The King Of Queens." It's Shaq, it's Dwyane Wade, it's Pat Riley. It pretty much just had to be.

Riley turned 60 years old in March. And now he's back in Miami just in time for a "Miami Vice" remake. This is going to be fun.

Riley Returns To Coach Heat [Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel]