We generally do not condone destructive mayhem here at Deadspin, but any prank involving metallurgy gets a pass. I am also reminded of the line from Woody Allen's Love and Death:

Boris: "How could I have been made in His image? Do you think God wears glasses?"
Sonja: "Not with those frames."

From the Daily Collegian, Penn State's student newspaper:

The glasses from the Joe Paterno statue on the east side of Beaver Stadium were removed and stolen sometime between Friday and Saturday, Penn State Police said. An officer was on routine patrol Saturday morning and saw the glasses were missing, police said. The glasses were removed between 11 a.m. Friday and 10:58 a.m. Saturday, police said. There is no estimated value of the damage.

OK, I'm going to turn out the lights, and when I turn them back on I expect the glasses to be on this table. No questions asked.

Greatest Sports Prank Ever? Not Quite. [FanIQ]
Recruits Don't Make Passes At Statues Without Glasses [The Arena]

In the ultimate irony of college football, wouldn't we all like the sport better if we outsourced the college football playoff to Las Vegas? Yes, yes we would.

Ohio State (-11) at Northwestern- Who's rooting harder for Ohio State to finish the rest of the season without a blemish than Penn State fans? The answer is no one. Back in 2004 Northwestern upset Ohio State. Fresh off their road upset of Minnesota can Northwestern pull off another shocker? A noon kickoff probably helps. But having intelligent football players probably hurts. Damn.

Georgia Tech at North Carolina (-4)- The ACC is a swamp of mediocrity. Every team in the Coastal Dvision of the ACC already has two losses. The loser of this game will definitely be eliminated from contention. I think. But who really knows? A win and UNC has their first winning season since 2001. Tech's quarterback, Josh Nesbitt, may not be able to play. Enjoy.

Alabama (-3.5) at LSU- - Coming soon, a congressional inquiry into how LSU fans are capable of figuring out football player's cell phone numbers. Two weeks ago Knowshon and Stafford responded to their cell phone numbers being leaked with their best games of the season? Can JPW do the same? Who knows? Better question, how many people in Alabama commit suicide if Bama loses to LSU and then finds a way to lose to an awful Auburn team for the 7th year in a row, meaning they don't even win the SEC West. Over/under is 15. Including the always eloquent Cowboy.

Kansas State at Missouri (-27.5)- The over/under on this game opened at 74. That's truly unbelievable. Well, that and the fact that everyone has written off Missouri as a factor in the national scene. Am I the only one who sees Missouri upsetting the Big 12 South winner in the Big 12 title game? Yeah? Oh well.

Florida (-24) at Vandy- Since losing to Ole Miss 31-30 Florida has outscored their past four SEC opponents 201-43. Included were two top ten wins over Georgia and LSU. That's an average of 50-10. Now they get Vandy. A team that scored 7 points against Duke to lose their third consecutive game. This is going to be incredibly ugly. It's a good thing ESPN picked up this game for national broadcast.

Penn State (-7) at Iowa- Can Penn State stop Iowa's tailback Shon Greene from running? If so, they'll blow Iowa out. If they can't, this game might give Joe Paterno heartburn. That's provided, of course, that he actually realizes what the stakes are for his team that remains slotted at BCS #3. Earlier this week Paterno was confused whether it was BCS or BSC. This is Penn State's last road game.

Arizona (-41) at Washington State- In their last two games Washington State has been outscored 127-0. That's bad. What's worse? In their last five games WSU has been outscored 284-30. WSU's defense averages giving up 49.4 points a game. Is there any doubt that the Washington-Washington State game is going to be the most futile "rivalry" game in the country this year? 1-10 vs. 0-10. I can't wait.

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech (-3)- If you don't really have a rooting interest, don't you have to favor Mike Leach in the BCS Title game? Most coaches are circumspect and reserved. Leach is an insane lawyer who graduated from Pepperdine and, wife and child in tow, took a coaching job for $7,000 a year . By the way, if you haven't read Michael Lewis's profile piece on Leach from three years ago in the New York Times, now is the time to do it. One of the best profiles I've ever read. Sample line: Each off-season, Leach picks something he is curious about and learns as much as he can about it: Geronimo, Daniel Boone, whales, chimpanzees, grizzly bears, Jackson Pollock.

Cal at USC (-22)- Do you ever get the feeling that no matter how much the linemaker installs USC as favorites by the line is going to move higher? And USC is still going to find a way to cover. I'm picturing some sallow-skinned man sitting in front of a bank of computers slowly pulling out his red hair while game film of Pete Carroll strutting down the sideline plays on a constant loop. Yep, it just happened again. USC opened as 17 point favorites and now they're up to 22.

Unfortunately, Penn State's college newspaper doesn't have embedded video yet. However, we recommend you check out their work from last night, especially for the part where the riot police let loose their pepper spray stream and students continue to stand defiantly for a few seconds. "Hey, this isn't that bad... screw you, you piece o... oh #&$%. TASTES LIKE BURNING!"

And yes: JoePa's going to have the whole university on garbage pickup detail by Monday morning.

This is technically DUAN, but we'll be all sad inside if you don't join us for our World Series Game 4 liveblog in just a bit. We might even make a cake!

On behalf of Rick, thanks for having us this weekend. We'll see some of you in a few.

Back when I wrote that I couldn’t wait to watch the BYU-TCU game, I meant it. Completely. But what I forgot was that I’d be on the road in a hotel room. I don’t know why it is but hotels have the most erratic cable channel selections known to man. If you’re anything like me you’ve found yourself lying on a bed, flipping through the channels, gradually getting more and more desperate as you realize that despite the fact you can buy a porn movie called, Ugly Chicks And Guys with Small Dicks (also known as the state of Ohio summed up in seven words) the hotel doesn’t carry something like ESPN 2. Back in 2004, I went to a friend’s wedding on the same day as UT at Ole Miss. (This was in the days back when my team was decent.) You haven’t seen anger until you’ve gone back to your hotel room and realized the hotel doesn’t carry ESPN 2. Unless, that is, you’ve ordered a porno movie for $14.99 and it’s soft core. So I was pretty much resigned to the fact that Versus wouldn’t be included in my cable’s television package. Then, miraculously, it was. So I got to watch BYU at TCU. And now we know that BYU is done for BCS purposes thanks to their 32-7 loss that was never close. Most amazing stat of the game? BYU rushed 28 times for 23 yards. That TCU run defense is unbelievable. So now we start the one-loss team handicapping. Because this year’s BCS Title Game isn’t going to feature any undefeated teams. Count on it. Here’s a breakdown of the 9 most interesting games coming up this weekend.

Georgia Tech (-2) at Clemson- This line moved from Clemson favored by 2 to Georgia Tech being favored by two after the Tommy Bowden firing. So does this mean Bowden’s brilliance is worth four points to Clemson? That would seem to be the case since nothing else changed. If so, the Tigers might as well cancel the rest of the season. By the way Mark Schlabach of ESPN.com pointed out to me the other day that Clemson is starting a student manager at right guard. How is this even possible?

Do you really blame Clemson’s C.J. Spiller for bailing on this game with a pulled hamstring? I don’t think I’d even bother returning to the team if I were him. He has nothing to gain. Just go ahead and put your name in the NFL Draft and see what happens.

Ohio State (-3) at Michigan State- Michigan State hasn’t beaten Ohio State since 1999 yet everywhere you look Michigan State fans are beating their chests, pissing on gray sweater vests, and bragging because they don’t go to Western Michigan. (Honestly, this might not be that different than usual.) Michigan State is quietly 3-0 in the Big Ten and hasn’t lost since their season opener at Cal on August 30th. If Michigan State can win this game then their season finale at Penn State will decide the Big Ten Championship. Book it. Which would be great for Michigan State fans since they haven’t been to the Rose Bowl since…1988. Wow.

Kansas at Oklahoma (-20)- Oklahoma rebounds from their loss to Texas by bringing in Mark Mangino and company. Kansas has been quietly winning since their only loss to South Florida on September 12. Given that they’re twenty point underdogs this has impressed no one. I don't even know what to write about this game either. So here's a picture of Mark Magino. Enjoy.

Southern Cal (-43) at Washington State- This line opened with USC favored by 42 on the road and went up. Up! People looked at this line and thought, I can get Washington State at home and 42 points or USC on the road effectively starting off down 42 points. And everyone went with USC. So now you get 43 points in a road game. This has to be the most a team will be favored by on the road this season, right?

What’s also ridiculous about this? USC is favored by 43, yet the over/under on this game is only 55.5. You might be asking yourself, how has Washington State’s defense done in the Pac-10 so far? They’ve given up 66, 63, 66 to Cal, Oregon, and Oregon State respectively. UCLA put up just 28. What about margin of defeat? They’ve lost by 63, 49, 25, and 53 in the Pac-10 this season. So, yeah, I think I’d take USC too.

Miss. State at Tennessee (-7.5)- The over/under on this game is 37. That’s insane for a college game, one of the lowest of the year. Sadly, I think I’d still take the under. I’m taking my 9 month old son to this game on Saturday at Neyland. This will be his first college football game. He’s really excited. Or not at all. I’m already worried about the damage to his football fan psyche that is likely to ensue from watching a game this bad.

(Tennessee's season in one succinct image. Courtesy of blogger Loser With Socks)

Michigan at Penn State (-25)- Penn State has only won once in their past ten against Michigan. Now they’re favored by 25. That spread offense is awesome. So revolutionary. Do you think there are Michigan fans right now who are wondering how in the world they kicked Lloyd Carr to the curb in exchange for this? I wish Rich Rod had signed on at Alabama back in 2006 instead of extorting West Virginia and ‘Bama ending up with Saban. I hate you Rich Rod.

Meanwhile, what do Wisconsin fans have to be thinking right now as they stare into the beginning of a long, dark winter? They gave up a 19 point halftime lead to this Michigan team. That boggles the mind. I get the feeling that Wisconsin still hasn’t recovered from that half. In moments of clarity so does Joe Paterno. Of course the other half of the time Paterno is just nervous that Kerry Collins and Ki-Jana Carter are going to end up getting screwed this year.

Leaving off Vandy-Georgia's on me. It was included in my original write-up but not cut and pasted in the article. Yeah, I fucked up cut and pasting, I suck.

Vandy at Georgia (-15)- This spread strikes me as entirely too high given the split games these two have played in the past two years. In fact, barring a fumble late in the fourth quarter Vandy might be 2-0 against the Dawgs the past two seasons.

Now that Bobby Johnson has announced he's going with McKenzi Adams the question becomes, can Vandy stay close enough to wait for the inevitable Dawg brain freeze and take advantage of it? I don't think so, but I do think the Dores keep it closer than 15. Chris Nickson's only consolation prize is he'll have a lot more time to stare at the cleavage in the Georgia student section. And trust me, that's a lot of cleavage. Also, if you get there earlier enough you may or may not be able to see up the skirts of Georgia coeds from field level.

Virginia Tech at Boston College (-3)- BC has to win this game to stay alive in the Atlantic Division race meanwhile Virginia Tech can open up a commanding lead in the Coastal Division. The teams split two games last year. Is there a more incongruous match-up of conference fans than Virginia Tech Hokie fans traveling to Boston for this game? I don’t think so.

LSU (-2) at South Carolina – Remember after he lost to Vandy when I said Steve Spurrier was irrelevant? He lost the next week to Georgia but he’s won 4 in a row since then. Including two SEC road games. Now LSU is coming to Columbia and we get to see whether or not LSU is truly any good this season. People have forgotten that LSU had to sneak by Auburn at Auburn for their first conference win. Other than that LSU hadn’t played anyone prior to the collapse at Florida. So how will they respond? The world waits with bated breath. And by world I mean Cajuns and people from South Carolina who hate Clemson.

Missouri at Texas (-7)- Yesterday I was at an art museum with my wife (I know, I know) and they had a display of classic photos of Babe Ruth. It’s no secret that Babe Ruth looks nothing like an athlete. But while I was looking at the Babe, I started to think that Missouri quarterback Chase Daniel is the Babe Ruth of this era. Chase Daniel is the only guy I can picture going out and hitting on girls at his college campus and girls not sleeping with him because they don’t really think that he’s really Chase Daniel. I bet he goes out with Warren Buffett just so the Oracle of Omaha can vouch for him and help him pull puss. Warren: "Oh, yes (chortle) this is the real Chase. Let me show you his cash flow potential as an NFL quarterback. (Pulls out cocktail napkin and draws dollar sign piercing a vagina)." Once this happens, he takes the gals back to his throne-bed and has sex while eating drumsticks. This is how chubby boys do it in Texas. Even when they move to Missouri.

(This picture is never going to get old.)

Meanwhile Colt McCoy’s parents have real balls. Because Colt is his middle name. His first name is Daniel. Daniel McCoy and you want to be the starting quarterback at Texas? Not happening. How much has the boldness of naming their son Colt paid off? If he’s Daniel McCoy he’s probably majoring in Human and Organizational Development at Southwest Texas State. True story, Colt McKoy was born in New Mexico. This so troubled his dad that he brought a shoe-box full of Texas dirt and put it underneath the hospital bed to ensure that his son was son was “born over Texas soil.” Now any sane man would give up their state of birth and six years of life to be Colt McCoy out in Austin for a weekend. Hook 'em.

But then the conversation turned a little grim.

Musburger admits to having a personal friendship with Paterno and says that through his candid conversations with JoePa, he knows exactly why he continues to after all of these years.

"This is a tough one for me because I have to say up front that JoePa is a dear friend of mine...I'll tell your listeners the truth as to why he still does it. He is fearful — and he looks back at Bear Bryant as the example — he is fearful that he would not be with us if he stepped away. He is a man that doesn't fish, doesn't play golf...he has no other interest other than his family and football. And he's just afraid what would happen with the rest of his life if he walks away from it."

Now, this is not Musburger speculating, but Paterno admitting he's afraid he'll keel over once he retires, which is just extremely sad. Remember,Bear Bryant died just 28 days after announcing his retirement from Alabama.

No pressure on Penn State to give Paterno another one year contract or anything, though.

Brent Musburger on national title contenders, Joe Paterno [Dan Patrick]

Texas v. Oklahoma (-6.5)- According to Texas fans Colt McCoy is the white Vince Young. Their stats are comparable but it's yet to be determined whether their big game heroics and sanity are equally similar. Although rumor has it that Colt has been rolling into Austin bars shirtless and swilling Patron for months. Make of this what you will.

Meanwhile Sam Bradford of Oklahoma has already thrown 18 touchdown passes. Seriously, 18. Colt only has 16. Both men have thrown 3 picks. So their combined touchdown to interception ratio is 34-6. This would be more impressive if either team had played a legit top 25 opponent yet. But they haven't.

Both the Texas and Oklahoma offenses average over 45 points a game while each is giving up less than two touchdowns. In a stroke of mathematical precision that has yet to be noted by anyone in either Texas or Oklahoma both teams average margin of victory is 35.8. So something has got to give. (Brent Musberger made himself a legend by intoning the previous cliche with the proper measure of respect.) Just be careful, this game is set for 12 eastern. Set the damn alarm.

South Carolina (-3) at Kentucky- It's rare you see a line move four points. This one has. After opening as one-point favorites the Cats now find themselves three-point home dogs. I have no idea what this signifies. Except somehow I think Stephen Garcia is behind the magically moving line. I'm expecting him to go all Achilles on us and decapitate Kentucky's quarterback Mike Hartline during warm-ups. Word is he blames Hartline for killing Patroclus. Remember where you heard it first. Unless you're a police officer then...ha...lucky guess.

Nebraska at Texas Tech (-20)- It's even rarer I give gambling advice, but right now take all of the money that you've got left in stocks, cash out (go ahead and take your tax losses), and put it on Texas Tech to cover the 20 point line. Seriously, do it. Nebraska has the defense of a southern Theta at a Dave Matthews concert. Which is to say none. Back the truck up at the sports book. Do it now. Do it. (Not that you still subscribe to peer pressure anymore but if you don't do this then I'm telling everyone that you slept with special sheets to keep your mattress from getting soaked when you still wet your bed at the age of 16.)

(Mike Leach will make you one rich ass dude. Trust me.)

Tennessee at Georgia (-12)-- As you're reading this I'm somewhere in the backwoods of Georgia on the Tennessee team bus. If the Vols allow a punt return for a touchdown you'll probably be able to hear me squealing on the television contest. In what might be a Deadspin first, email me if you're driving back from Athens to Nashville. I don't have a ride home since the team is returning home via plane. This is not a joke.

Oklahoma State at Missouri (-14)- This is one of three games that Missouri could potentially lose in the regular season. The other two are at Texas and against Kansas on the final week. They probably won't lose this game but it should be entertaining as hell. Oklahoma State's under the radar. If they can score in the 40's, they won't be after this weekend. Regardless, Chase Daniel and Warren Buffet's album is so going platinum when it drops next week.

Arkansas at Auburn (-17)- How bad is Arkansas? Auburn hasn't scored more than two offensive touchdowns in the SEC this year and they just fired their offensive coordinator, yet they're favored by 17. I'm really just mentioning this game so I can link Tony Franklin clearing out his office. Which they filmed in Alabama. Well, of course they did.

Penn State (-5.5) at Wisconsin- Sooner or later Wisconsin's fans are going to turn on the band and blame their sexual misconduct for all the team's misfortune. But that's in the future. Six quarters ago Wisconsin fans believed they were headed to the Rose Bowl. Now, they're just hoping not to end up in the Motor City Bowl. Yeah, the college football tides turn in a hurry.

Meanwhile this is game 2 of Penn State's march to the BCS Title game. Win and it's looking like their road game at Ohio State will decide the Big Ten title. Lose...and it's still looking like their road game at Ohio State will decide the Big Ten title.

LSU at Florida (-6)- Just once I'd like to see the world through Les Miles colored glasses. Nothing in life is uncertain to Les Miles. He's the least doubting man in America. As a consequence he's fearless. That's the only way to explain his success. Hemingway said, "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at broken places." I disagree, the world has never broken Les Miles. And it never will.

Conversely, the world breaks Tim Tebow after every game. He cries, he mopes, he swears fealty to an angry God. Last year LSU fans got Tebow's phone number, this year, they're gunning for his football life. Which they cleverly informed the referees. Meaning LSU gets flagged for at least two late hits in the first half. The resulting points from those drives will probably be enough to make a difference.

Ten other things that stuck out this weekend:

1. Does anyone else feel like the Terrelle Pryor run with one minute left against Wisconsin was the first of many such plays that will leave opposing Big Ten fans ripping out the hair on their "bad-ass" goatees? Pryor scored at half speed. The most dangerous thing about Pryor right now? He never seems to be in a hurry. The game is already slow enough for him that he can control the pace. Witness Wisconsin’s rushing defenders who have to move slower because they’re worried about rushing past him and giving up a big play. Yep, he's a true freshman and he’s already dictating the speed of the game.

It’s uncanny. There are 80,000 opposing fans screaming at him, his team has to have a touchdown on a final drive, and he trots into the end zone on a quarterback keeper without being touched. It’s Vince Young-ian—before Vince Young went crazy. Also, and this is key, VY was a redshirt freshman by the time he started playing significant minutes and he didn’t start outright until his redshirt sophomore season. Pryor’s already there and he’s a true freshman. It’s enough to make Ohio State fans want to burn incense in Maurice Clarrett’s honor because thanks to his getting shot down by challenging the NFL’s three-year draft rule, the Buckeyes are guaranteed three years with Pryor. Hell, maybe by the time he leaves they'll have done the impossible...beaten a single SEC team.

2. Alabama doesn’t walk on water. At least not when they play Kentucky. If Kentucky’s quarterback doesn’t drop the ball in the end zone, Alabama might lose at home to Kentucky for the first time in the history of the two football programs. Instead they managed to hang on for a 17-14 win. On the papyrus scrolls bearing images of his victories that must be lain down before He takes a single step, in the Book of Saban this win will be called, "The Immortal Conquest of the Bluegrass."

3. Penn State survived their first of four consecutive tests to determine whether Joe Pa can become the first senile BCS Champion with a workmanlike 20-6 win over Purdue. The offense wasn’t as impressive as they had been but the defense was even better. Can they win on the road at Wisconsin this weekend? Joe Pa thinks so. Of course Joe Pa thinks Wisconsin is actually in Florida, so that's a bit of a geographic challenge.

4.Tennessee beat a sub-par MAC team 13-9 en route to rolling up 225 yards of total offense. What’s the worst thing about this? On the drive back from the game, I found myself thinking, “We played pretty well.” And we beat a MAC team by 4 at home. Awesome.

5. Virginia beats Maryland 31-0 even though Maryland was favored by 14 points. That’s a 45 point swing vs. the spread. College football—making oddsmakers jump off buildings since 1895. If anyone knows of a website that lists the largest swings in outcome every year, I’d love to see it. For instance a few years ago Louisville went down to South Florida favored by 28 and lost by like 40. The difference between the spread and the result was over 60 points. This would be a superb and cautionary ad for the NCAA to put together to try and discourage people from gambling on their games.

6. FSU triumphed over Miami after almost blowing a 24 point lead and Illinois came into the Big House, went down 14-3 and then outscored Michigan 42-6 in the final three quarters. Long live the Zooker. Death to the Zooker. In somewhat related news, Chris Weinke just had sex with his 4,000,032nd Florida State undergrad.

7. USC bounced back to crush Oregon. In the process of destroying Oregon in the fourth quarter, USC ensured that they are the only Pac-10 team ranked in the top 25. Lending further credence to my suggestion that the Mountain West Conference take out newspaper ads proclaiming their eventual conference champion the Pac-10 champ as well.

8. The Big 12 demonstrated there’s a severe gap between their top 4 and everyone else. Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Missouri and Texas went on the road for conference games and won by 30, 32, 35, and 24 respectively. And these aren’t deceptive margins. None of these games was ever close.

9. Chase Daniel is going to win the Heisman unless he gets injured. Go ahead and write this in stone. It’s the gospel truth. Daniel looks like he’s playing a video game. And, be honest, if he showed up to play in a weekly football game with your buddies, no one would pick him for at least the first ten picks. Then, you’d probably put him on the line and tell him to run five-yard outs while your accountant friend got to play quarterback. Eventually you’d give him one snap at quarterback and he’d throw a 70 yard touchdown pass without even taking a step. Then, at halftime he’d disappear for ten minutes and when he came back your accountant’s girlfriend would be pregnant.

10. Vanderbilt beat Auburn for the first time since 1955 on Saturday. Auburn played their usual, choke you out football, going up 13-0 and then refusing to adopt such modern offensive plays as the “forward pass” and the “toss sweep.” Instead, they were content to wait for Vanderbilt to self-destruct and give them the win. And it almost worked.

Play of the game? Vanderbilt back-up quarterback Mackenzi Adams is on a second down quarterback sneak and has just broken into the open field. If he keeps going and gets the first down all Vanderbilt will have to do is take a knee. Instead, and inexplicably, he drops the football. It bounces behind him and lays tantalizingly on the field. Then, he runs back and covers it. In the past five decades, that ball would have been scooped up and returned for a touchdown. But not this year and not on Saturday. As the second best College Gameday sign said, “The Geeks shall inherit the turf.” Although, to be fair, the best sign of the day (in an otherwise weak class) was, “My butler went to Auburn.” Succinct, arrogant, devastating and self-mocking (I’m sure the student’s butler really went to Miss. State). Well played Vandy, well played.

Ohio State (-2) at Wisconsin- When Wisconsin blew a 19-0 second half lead, this game went from a potential coronation of Bret Bielema to Nick Saban-level rockstar status, to a must-win for Wisconsin to remain alive in the Rose Bowl chase. Sure, you could bet on Ohio State losing three games in the Big Ten, but you could also bet on Stuart Scott winning an Olympic gold medal in archery. Thanks to the loss at Michigan, Ohio State can open up a 2.5 game lead over Wisconsin with a win. Better get those quarters loaded up in the marshmallows.

Missouri (-10) at Nebraska- Remember back in 1997 when it took a miracle for Nebraska to win at Missouri?

(Apologies to Missouri fans for dredging up that memory.)

Now Missouri is going on the road and the home team has won the last six in this series. Missouri hasn't won at Nebraska since 1978. Let me repeat that, 1978. That's 15 consecutive losses. Yet Missouri is ten point favorites in this game. Put this one on your radar and if Nebraska is within a touchdown in the second half, switch over and watch, it could get really interesting. Especially since Chase Daniel just went on television and asked Nebraska fans to bring him 14 virgins as his pregame meal.

Oregon at Southern Cal (-16)- True or false, this is the smallest margin USC will be favored by in the Pac-10 all season? I'm thinking true. Nine days after their beatdown at Oregon State, USC gets a chance to take out their frustrations on the other state school. Am I the only person who pictures Mark Sanchez making a round at the sorority houses to personally apologize for the loss at Oregon State.

By the way, how amazing was that Utah-Oregon State finish last night? You can breathe easier, the pathway to a match-up of undefeated BYU and undefeated Utah remains clear. Question, if BYU wins this game in November can Mormons strip off their Mormon underpants and swing them around their head? Or is that verboten?

UConn at North Carolina (-7)- I will now quietly pocket the $20 fee that UConn's athletic department continues to float in my direction for always finding their games interesting. Particularly the lines. Move along now kids, nothing to see hear.

Texas Tech (-6.5) at Kansas State- Honestly, I know nothing about Kansas State's football team. But the over/under in this game is 66. Seriously, 66. Tech is averaging 45.8 points a game and Kansas State is averaging 47. That's insane. And Texas Tech is only a 6.5 point favorite. Based on the statistics the match-up between Graham Harrel and Josh Freeman (they've combined for 23 touchdown passes already) is going to be the best this weekend. Plus, there's always the possibility that Mike Leach will let his team loot and pillage in Manhattan, Kansas if they win.

Florida State at Miami (-3)- Admit it, you had no idea this game was happening this weekend either, did you? Remember when this game would dominate the weekend and you couldn't escape how huge it was? Now, you've just realized this game was going on, sort of idly thought, "Eh, whatever, I'll check the final score if I have time after watching an undefeated Vandy play in ESPN primetime." Wait, what?

(A refresher on what Florida State has meant to college football over the years.)

Auburn (-3.5) at Vandy- Vandy fans are going to hate to hear this, but get past Auburn and all of a sudden you have to say to hell with only qualifying for a bowl game and start thinking about whether you could contend for the SEC East title. I know, I know, blasphemy. But, say Vandy beats Auburn to go to 5-0 (3-0 in the SEC). Next week they play at Miss. State. Another game they can win. Later in the season the Dores go to Kentucky. Win both those and you get to 5 SEC wins. Then, beat just one of Georgia, Tennessee (which given the way things are going they might be favored in), and Florida and you're at 6 wins. Probably good enough to win the SEC East this year. Or at least to tie for the crown.

Meanwhile, for Auburn, the question becomes do you go with a talented but dumb and likely to make a mistake Kody Burns or a weak-armed but smart Chris Todd? Second, does it even matter? Yes, unless he's deflowered Tommy Tuberville's prized cow on the plains, Kody Burns has to start. He's the only Auburn offensive player that makes any defense the least bit nervous. Of course Tommy Tuberville is so distrustful of his offense that he's already planning on winning this game 2-0. Point being, the winner of this game will put up less than 20 points. Book it.

Texas (-14) at Colorado- I don't really have much to say about this game. Just quite a few friends who went to Colorado or live in Boulder and have been talking about how awesome it's going to be to valet their bikes for this game. How pumped are Colorado fans about this game. They've all taken off their hemp anklets. Be afraid Longhorn fans, very afraid.

Penn State (-14) at Purdue- Penn State is the only team in American with a stadium that seats 100,000 people, a coach dueling to be the winningest coach of all-time, and an undefeated record in the Big Ten. Yet no one is paying any attention to them. At least not for any reasons that have to do with actually playing football games. It's all about the arrests and a program spiraling out of control. Thanks ESPN. Which is interesting because this has been a pretty disciplined football team that has put up 66, 45, 55, 45, and 38 points in the first five weeks of the season. Damn.

This game at Purdue begins the four-game stretch run in the Big Ten that will define Penn State's season. Following Purdue, Penn State goes to Wisconsin, hosts Michigan, and finishes up at Ohio State.

Kentucky at Alabama (-16)- Would Kentucky plans please stop talking about your number one scoring defense in the country? Please? You've beaten two non D-1 teams (Norfolk State and Western Kentucky), dodged a hail-mary loss against MTSU, and beat Louisville on the road. Only the last game is that impressive. And that was over a month ago. Now you're going on the road at Alabama for the CBS game and you'd think Alabama was having to play the 1970's Steel Curtain defense.

Meanwhile, in Tuscaloosa, Nick Saban has decreed that he will no longer walk on any surface but papyrus scrolls that have been illustrated to feature prominent moments in his life. (Beating Georgia last week, leaving Michigan State, signing Daunte Culpepper to a huge contract.) Already Alabama has a sign-up list to illustrate Saban's papyrus scrolls that is 14 years long. Yep, Saban is Gilgamesh.

Immediately Penn State message boards exploded suggesting that ESPN had planted the drugs in the apartment. None of the players have yet been charged as test results on the substance are not yet in. While college kids with pot in their apartment isn't a shock, Penn State really can't afford any further incidents. Especially not now that SportsCenter is live all day.

Marijuana found in apartment [The Daily Collegian]
5204 Apartment Update [The Black Shoe Diaries]

Today's Penn State preview is brought to you by Run Up the Score of the excellent Penn State blog blackshoediaries.

It was only 10 or 20 years ago that you could count on Penn State for three things — classically drab blue and white uniforms, All-American linebackers, and soul-crushing offensive linemen with names ending in "-ski", "-wicz", and "-skiwicz". The uniforms and linebackers have been omnipresent, even throughout what Nittany Lions fans refer to as The Dark Years — that smoking crater of horrific football between 2000 and 2004 best represented by a numbing 6-4 loss to Iowa, in which Iowa head coach Kirk Ferentz ordered his team to take a safety late in the fourth quarter, daring Penn State to merely drive for a winning field goal. (That strategy worked flawlessly, by the way.) However, 2007 marked the return of a dominant Penn State offensive line, perhaps the best since PSU's unbeaten 1994 season, even as opposing defenses crowded the line of scrimmage and begged Anthony Morelli to throw the football. That entire offensive line returns this year with a nod to the Lions of yore — sophomore guard Stefen Wisniewski. That unit will be called upon to ease the transition into what Offensive Coordinator/Piñata Jay Paterno calls the "Spread HD" offense, which will allegedly resemble the diverse attack built around Michael Robinson during Penn State's 12-1 Orange Bowl run in 2005.

Uncharacteristically, it's the back half of the defense that has the potential to derail this year's team. Sean Lee — team captain, certain Butkus Award finalist, and certified crazy-eyed killah — blew out his ACL during spring practice. In his absence, a mix of unproven and presently undistinguished players will have to brought along quickly in order to provide support for a secondary which lost Justin King to the NFL and will shuffle Tony Davis back to cornerback after a year at safety.

Rivalry?
What is this rivalry you speak of? For better or worse, Pitt has been banished from the schedule. Michigan and Ohio State have each other. None of this is likely to change anytime soon. That leaves Penn State fans with no other option than to formally embrace the rivalry imposed on us by the Big Ten when we joined the conference in 1993 — the season-ending game against Michigan State, another program seeking something other than a "little brother" rivalry. So let's drop the needy Skunkbear and Buckstache envy and declare war — it is motherfucking on, Sparty. We hereby question the sexual orientation of your players and the dietary excesses of your women (okay, with two notable exceptions). Thanks for designing this giant piece of shit. Oh, and please just finish the job by stapling a drool cup onto the lovechild of Purdue Pete and Testudo that you call a mascot. If this year's contest is truly Joe Paterno's last game at Beaver Stadium, here's hoping the old man hangs a hundred on you as a parting gift.

You can't argue with some of the facts Delsohn had in front of him, including some confidential judicial affairs reports that suggest Paterno may have tried to cover up some of the incidents. But one interesting argument over at College OTR suggests that ESPN may have violated some of the student's privacy rights by revealing that material on air. One thing for sure is that this will be the storyline that follows Paterno all year and should Penn State falter this season, it might be big enough to tarnish his legacy.

Penn State DTs Baker, Taylor Kicked Off By Paterno [SI]
ESPN's Witch-Hunt Into Penn State Football [College OTR]