To be fair, it's not really Peyton's fault. The only thing more awkward than watching someone rock out at a concert is watching a guy's face while he masturbates to Internet porn — the spastic motions, the furrowed brow while trying to find the "perfect" piece, the constant mouse clicking, the nipple tweaking (don't judge!), etc. — so it's no wonder that Peyton doesn't exactly seem to be in his element in the above video. He starts off alright - the girl-in-arm light rock motion looks somewhat natural - but when he ultimately introduces the Bobblehead Bounce towards the end, things take a turn for the worse.

(This video's from March, but since there's only 2,000 or so views, the guess here is that you haven't seen it yet. Also of note, "Dancing in the Dark" includes neither "dancing" nor "darkness".)

Know Your Colts History [Stampede Blue via Sporting Blog]

The Palin and Hillary Clinton opener was solid, with Fey doing Palin’s “aw shucks, God is great” perfectly. It was like Fey was served up a Billy Wagner fastball right down the middle and knocked the shit out of it. Video below:

Phelps on the other hand looked, well … like a fish out of water at times. (Sorry!)

The episode featured a cameo from an old school Charles Barkley mid-80’s Sixers jersey (pictured above), which brought a tear to my eye. That was one of few highlights from the evening.

In a bit Phelps did as himself on the “Charles Barkley Show,” the Olympic swimming legend simply forgot to bring the funny. That seemed to be the trend throughout the night.

When they tried to make fun of Phelps ridiculous eating regimen, the jokes just didn’t click. Wow, he eats a lot! Video below:

Why was Phelps unable to translate his dominating persona in the pool to the comedic stage in New York? Well, because he’s a swimmer. Despite 99.5% of the world not giving a shit about swimming except for one week in August every four years, Phelps was able to truly capture the attention of the American public and the rest of the world while he was in Beijing.
It’s simple really. For men, Phelps appeal when he is in the water is on par with Jordan on the hardwood or Tiger on the golf course. We love watching the best in the world simply dominate.

It’s simple for women too. While Phelps is certainly kind of goofy looking, the ladies still swoon for him. When you have a body that looks like it’s been chiseled by Michelangelo himself, that goofy white boy smile isn’t so bad. And when that body is on NBC covered in clothing, that appeal is diminished.

But does being a tad awkward prevent you from killing it on SNL? Not at all. An article in the Baltimore Sun ranks the top five athlete performances on the show. Fellow goofy looking white guy Peyton Manning wins the top honors. For my money, if you want an athlete to be funny, I’ll take Sir Charles any day of the week.

Phelps on the other hand, he was kind of turrrible.

Peyton, through a weird little group called "WePlay," is looking to add America's Game as an Olympic sport. Wink wink. And it's hard to argue with his finely-tuned rhetoric, referring to American football's exclusion as "completely bogus." Look at the passion he puts into reading those cue cards; you can tell he really wants that gold medal!

Now you may say that many countries don't play football. But that makes it even easier then, right?

Well, checkmate to you, Dr. Manning. I'm sure the IOC will bow to your logic and push your silly petition through in no time. If it's any consolation, I hear that Oreo-licking is scheduled as an exhibition sport in London for 2012. Get cracking, Peyton. That tongue's not gonna train itself.

Because people like the Olympics...[More Handy Than Capped]

“Like everybody else, I guess we’ll see what happens this fall,” Manning said with a smile. “In a lot of ways I kind of hope (he returns). Brett’s a guy that’s been such an influence on me and all young quarterbacks. [Your 11 years in the league doesn’t quite make you such a spring chicken, Peyton.] ” . . . I guess part of it is kind of hope, maybe, that he finds his way back in the NFL this year. ... You never know.”

That sound you heard was Peter King scrambling out his front door and zipping to Kiln. Perhaps he'll write about his flight at some point.

Peyton Manning Doesn't Think Brett Favre Is Fully Retired [Sports By Brooks]

As we mentioned in our Times column, we were almost surprised to realize that the Eli Manning after the game was still the same dopey, earnest, dork character he was before the game. We expected him to take off his helmet and suddenly talk like Barry White. That's how amazing his fourth quarter was. Truthfully now: You've never seen Peyton be that gutsy, have you? Where did that come from?

We suspect most of you are like us, and feel as if the ground has shifted beneath your feet: Eli Manning — the guy who would rather be playing squash — turned out to be a true champion. We are flabbergasted, and we will never doubt him, or that family, again. At this point, we're ready to ask businessman Cooper Manning to pull us out of this recession.

There's something about guys dressing in drag that, for whatever reason, is frowned upon. Oscar De La Hoya could've easily played his kinky fishnet outfit off as a mere lark: he's just a puppy-faced fellow, who after a flight of tequila shots, has no problem dressing up in a giant hairnet and heels. No big deal, really. Everyone's done it before. Sometimes, even the most virile of men cannot resist the temptation to squeeze into something spicy.

The difference between Oscar De La Hoya and most other recreational transsexuals is that they don't deny it. If it's an isolated incident, it's something that's laughed about later and forgotten about quickly. But, De La Hoya's staunch denial about the incident, plus all of those rumored intimidating phone calls to the dim-witted Scores dancer who gave the photos up and the legal threats, suggest that he's hiding a very, very dark secret.

This is where it gets interesting. We all know athletes become much more appealing if they have a little stink on them. Beneath all of that skill, money, fame, it's nice to know there runs a current of torment, a greasy underbelly that has to be concealed for presentation purposes.

There are so many who fit the profile.

So this week, I'm polishing up my ben-wah balls, purchasing a one way ticket to Taiwan and the Mets fucking suck.

Line drive hit to left field...here comes Iguchi!

Peyton Manning, Into Animal Fisting: 2/1

He had his Wayne Brady moment on "Saturday Night Live" and showed the world he's not just a cannon-armed bumpkin with a corporate price tag on his back. No, he's a self-deprecating regular guy. He can make fun of himself and mock his altar boy image. That's what makes him human. But what keeps him sane is the drop-to-your-knees adrenaline rush one gets inserting a clenched fist inside the wanting anal cavity of a four-legged friend. Be it a bucking horse, a baby calf, a small housecat, or, one time, an unsuspecting howler monkey, Peyton does not discriminate. If there's an opening, he's going in. Cut that meat, indeed.

Derek Jeter, Huge Partial Unbirthing Enthusiast: 3/1

Derek Jeter, for all his potato-faced handsomeness, has always had an odd head of hair. What happens if it ever grows out? Is it Hebrew nap, or brother fro? Or is it worse, like a raging case of the dreaded noggin pube? However, the reason Derek keeps his hair so awkwardly trimmed is not out of vanity, but sexual proclivity. You see, DJ is part of a small minority of men who can only reach climax if his head his completely inserted into a woman's vagina. (Partial unbirthing, for those who have yet to Google.) This is also why it's tough for Jeter to keep a girlfriend for more than a few months. Even though he's courted many a starlet, most have quickly ended the relationship after the Yankee shortstop came to bed wearing an oily swim cap. The only one he was successfully "unbirthed" has been Mariah Carey, who was very enthusiastic about it — she even invited conjoined twins into the bedroom with them. Derek wasn't into that, so he quickly split. Needless to say, Mariah's eventual vaginal rejuvenation surgery will cost millions.

Matt Holiday, Red Wing Commander: 2/1

The Rockies' torrid playoff run right now is bringing a lot of attention to a team that's lived in relative obscurity since its inception. But after next week, the whole world could be introduced to the Triple Crown-potential of outfielder Matt Holiday. And if there are any ladies lucky enough to be menstruating during that time, well, they could meet Mr. Holiday in a whole new way. Although he's married, it's told that Matt takes out some of his player aggression in the bedroom, executing a myriad of period-friendly sexcapades to placate his constant yearning for the calming warmth of a blood-caked lady flower. And, If some gals play their cards right, they could even get a chance to have Matt execute his patented "Snoopy Snow Cone Machine" on them. Their odds will increase if they already have a mouthful of crushed ice to greet him.

Annika Sorenstam, Eproctophiliac: 1/1

Though she's a darling on the golf course, she's a demon in the bedroom — especially when she gets a face full of flatulence. Sorenstam realized her fetish at a young age, being deflowered by an older man with untreatable digestive problems. Never able to repeat the orgasms she had with her wind-blasting lover, Otto, she quickly realized that she can manufacture them by having her male partner spread his cheeks and beef in her mouth during foreplay. Sorenstam was almost exposed during a the 2003 Master's when her caddie found some of her Fart Hammer pornography collection in her golf bag. The caddie was substantially paid off to keep quiet, but there's more money for him elsewhere if he gives up the details.

Apologies to race fans, but I'm really only interested if a female wins (three are in the field, Danica Patrick, Milka Duno, and Sarah Fisher), and even then I'll probably just say, "Hey, way to go, lady," and go on about my day. The highlight for me was Peyton Manning waving the green flag to start the race, after which some track announcer guy said, "Bless our drivers and Peyton." Especially Peyton.

There's been rain in the forecast, and there's still a chance that we'll see some showers before this thing is over. Well, you might see them. I probably won't be watching. But feel free to tell me all about it in the comments.

Indy 500 race gets a big weather break [IndyStar]

The main reason Leinart rejected the representation superpower is he was enraged that Peyton Manning, also a CAA client and repped by Condon, got to host "Saturday Night Live" before he did. Seriously.

We think it's awfully presumptuous that Leinart would think he'd get the spot above the guy who had just won a Super Bowl ... but, frankly, matters haven't quite been right for Matty since the Rose Bowl his senior year. As Buzzsaw boosters, we are concerned. Fortunately, he continues to have his family life to calm him and bring him peace.

Jealousy Of Peyton Led To Leinart's CAA Departure [Sports By Brooks]
Peyton Manning Much Funnier Than Anyone Could Have Guessed [Deadspin]
Cameron Family Just Pleased As Punch With Matt Leinart Right Now [Deadspin]

Some San Diego Chargers fans are doing what they can to cut the curse off at the pass, launching the newfangled Save LT From Madden Web site, designed entirely to keep the MVP from suffering the same fate as his predecessors. ESPN says Peyton Manning is the early favorite, but we would have thought LT was more likely, actually. We think they should put Favre on there; maybe he'll actually retire this time.

Save LT From Madden
Taking Madden Curse Into Their Own Hands [Lion In Oil]
The Contenders [ESPN Video Games]

MJD mentioned the Peyton Manning-hosted "Saturday Night Live" yesterday, but we finally sat down to watch it today. We have to say: We were actually quite impressed. He's sure as hell a lot funnier than Michael Jordan was on there, and definitely superior to Dane freaking Cook.

Our favorite sketch is above; it is, without question, amusing to watch Peyton Manning hit children in the head with footballs.

The show could have been more racy, however: According to one of Dan Shanoff's readers who was in the audience for the taping, Manning actually took a shot at Tom Brady that was not aired.

During Peyton's monologue, Amy Poehler was dressed in a Patriots jersey and heckled Peyton, saying "What does Tom Brady and the Circus have in common? They both have two more rings than you."

Peyton stared right back and said, "That's not the ONLY thing he'll have two more of....."

OK, if they had aired that, that would have ruled.

Manning Disses Brady On "SNL" [DanShanoff.com]

(UPDATE: We've switched the video back to YouTube.)

For a variety of reasons, I hadn't watched Saturday Night Live in a while. I considered giving it a go after Justin Timberlake cut a hole in a box, but I never got around to it. Of course, there was no way I was going to miss Peyton Manning hosting, and I was hoping that while I watched, I'd pick up another reason or two to keep watching SNL.

And I did. I will watch again, the next time Peyton Manning is hosting.

I'm sure all the cast members are individually talented, and maybe they had an off night, or maybe they all willingly took a backseat for Peyton ... but I've gotta tell you, I didn't laugh often last night when Peyton Manning wasn't involved. The highlight was the above United Way commercial parody (I'm a sucker for injured-child humor; I'm not proud of it), and the "I carried a slice of ham in my pocket all day just so I'd have a secret" line is sticking with me.

He won a Super Bowl, and he successfully hosted Saturday Night Live. But the most amazing thing he's done over the last few months might be making damn near everyone like him.

Also, don't forget the other big event of the evening, Peyton Manning hosting Saturday Night Live. I'm kind of excited about it, he'll be about the third-funniest member of the cast. If there's any kind of a Chesney reference, Peyton Manning will have my undying respect.

Peyton, like many athletes, performers and celebrities, occasionally accepts offers for private appearances. The PeyBack Foundation will benefit, as it does when Peyton accepts fees for corporate and charity events, sports outings or a celebrating a business milestone like last week's event.

They gave no more details on the appearance, which is a shame; we really wanted to know if Peyton popped out of a cake.

Peyton Manning's Sweet 16 Party Cameo [Deadspin]

So, less than a month after you've won the Super Bowl, you've got a bevy of entertainment options and endorsement opportunities. Or, you can just ignore both and sleep on a beach somewhere, maybe make out with balding country music stars your wife, just take it easy.

Or: You can accept $200,000 to show up at a Sweet Sixteen party.

According to one of the (anonymous) party attendees, Manning spent the past weekend as the main attraction at a girl's Sweet Sixteen party; he was rumored to have been paid $200 grand for a two-hour appearance. (Cedric the Entertainer was also there, which must have been confusing, since "The Entertainer" is also Peyton's nickname.)

According to an attendee:

"The first hour was the actual birthday ceremony which included Manning hiding behind a cake with a baker's hat on, then Manning took off the hat and surprised the birthday girl and the rest of the crowd. The second hour was Peyton standing next to a background and a professional photographer, where the entire party lined up to take pictures with him one by one. The pictures were printed and framed and given to the guests as they left."

We're sorry, but if you want Daddy to hire someone famous to attend your Sweet 16 party, and you pick Peyton Manning ... you're the lamest teenager we've ever seen. We love that of all the people in the above photo, Peyton's the one who looks like he's going through his awkward phase.

Some more pictures from the evening are after the jump.

(UPDATE: Manning's people are denying the story. Our witnesses insist it was a Sweet 16 party. It's really nothing to be embarrassed about, Peyton.)

That's right, Mr. Charming Plucky Affable Comedic Stylist Peyton Manning will be hosting "Saturday Night Live" on March 24, which is sure to be a combustible ball of hilarity. Expect jokes about ... uh ... well ... whatever the funny parts of Peyton Manning are.

Here's all we really want: A replay of the famous Joe Montana "I'm going to go upstairs and masturbate" sketch. We are not holding our breath, however. And no: The musical guest is not Kenny Chesney. Sorry.

Thankfully, "Saturday Night Live" is absolutely still relevant and will therefore find all kinds of great new ways to maximize Manning's comedic potential.

Peyton Manning Will Turn 31 By Hosting Saturday Night Live [Loser With Socks]

We forget this sometimes, but the winner of the Super Bowl MVP is awarded with a brand new gas-guzzler for peddling their wares on the world's largest stage. Therefore, we have the sublime pleasure of watching a man who makes eight figures a season decided which mammoth Cadillac he'll give to staffer for a Christmas present. This bothers us in a way we can't put our finger on; we liked it better when the celebrities on game shows had to give their winnings to charity.

Not that we don't treasure the mental image of Peyton Manning pimping up his Escalade.

I've purposely avoided most of the Super Bowl hype throughout the week... I haven't watched any preview shows, no NFL Matchup type shows, not even SportsCenter. I didn't want to get burned out and head into today's game wishing it was already over.

In doing so, however, I missed this. The Big Lead loads up this SportsCenter clip of Peyton Manning performing the tango in an 8th grade play. And an 8th grade Peyton Manning doing the tango looks ... well, it looks exactly like what you'd expect it to look like. Even Eli was embarrassed.

Peyton Manning's 8th Grade Tango [The Big Lead]

"It's like I said earlier, I attended the Bill Belichick school (about) discussing injuries,'' Manning said, referring to the Patriots coach who seldom gets specific his team's about injuries. "There's my answer.''

See, this is a Peyton Manning we can get behind. One who takes the time out of a pre-Super Bowl press conference to gently mock a vanquished foe. He might start resembling a normal human being yet.

Manning Mum On Thumb [Indianapolis Star]

A confession to make: We like dynasties. We don't like them because it's fun to watch one team win everything, because it isn't. We like them because they provide clear, distinct rooting interests and fault lines. The Patriots always beat the Colts, Peyton Manning can't figure out the Patriots, one is the smug victor, the other the feeble doomed. We like it when storylines last several years; it feels like we've earned them more.

So there will be a tiny bit of sadness to see the Peyton Manning Can't Win The Big One fade away — even if they lose to the Bears, you can't say he recedes in the clutch anymore — after the Colts' outstanding 38-34 win last night. It humanized Manning. He already seems like one of the more robotic players in sport, a socially awkward, play chart memorizing whiz kid whose only charisma is from his lack of it. ("Cut. That. Meat.") Seeing this supertalent booknerd struggle at the most important moments made him real; it made him more like a normal person. Now that he has finally come through — thrillingly — we'll have to reevaluate him. Maybe, if the Colts win, he'll become a cocky trash-talking superstar. That could be fun too, we suppose. It's something, anyway.

But yeah: Peyton Manning drove the Colts down the field to beat the Patriots after being down 15 at halftime. Pretty impossible to argue with that.

Blue Heaven [Indianapolis Star]

Kissing Suzy Kolber tackles a question we've been struggling with ourselves: Whom are we supposed to root against in the AFC Championship Game this weekend?

On one hand, the only thing that makes Peyton Manning even vaguely interesting is that he tends to collapse in the playoffs. If he were to somehow win, we would be ready to burn every picture we've ever seen of him by next Tuesday ... and we'd still have a week and a half left to go!

Meanwhile, the Patriots, for all their pluck and gumption, are starting to grow tiresome as well, in a mid-90s Cowboys type of way. That's not really fair, but hey: Thus is the price of dominance. Also, Belichick is starting to drive us insane; we think he's responsible for losing all the dream fights against ninjas that we usually win.

We know that the Peter Kings of the planet are all fired up about this game Sunday ... but really, we just can't figure out who we want to lose more. We could use your help, if you're offering. Because we really don't know.

Colts Or Pats: I Prefer Lesser Of Two Evils [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

It's hard to get too worked up about the Ravens' losing; this has never been the most charismatic team and, besides, Brian Billick is always more likable when he's frustrating and failing. But now the Colts are one home game away from the Super Bowl, and that strikes as insane, considering how inferior this Colts team has been compare to past ones. Hey, who do they play again? Anybody notice? Maybe we should wait until someone mentions it on television.

Peyton Manning Postgame: Look At Me, Look At Me! [The Fanhouse]
The Ravens Season Ends With 15-6 Loss To The Colts In Baltimore [Ravens Locker]

I like orange sherbert, asshole.

The liveblog begins around 4:30.

'Peyton Paradise' Puts Li'l Ronnie to Shame, Talks Trash to Ravens [FanHouse]
Peyton Paradise [YouTube]

We weren't there, but we imagine that this was pretty much every day in the Manning family backyard, circa 1985. The small, helmeted figure, crawling in a stupor after smashing into a large object ... that would be Eli, and it really would explain a lot to current New York Giants fans.

Note to small children: When your older brother tells you to wear the crash helmet, and then says "Run!" that's a red flag right there. Time to notify mom.

Loop Attack [YouTube]

It's a shame, too, because Manning has become an undeniable joy to watch, even if he is a bit fussy about the whole quarterbacking thing. With the Bears' loss yesterday, only the Colts stand in the way of that ridiculous 1972 Dolphins ritual where they bust out a bottle of champagne when the last undefeated team in NFL loses. (We find this incredibly obnoxious.) The general consensus is that this Colts team is not as strong as last year's — mainly because of the supposed difficulty the defense has against the run — but they're 8-0 now. Not that it matters; everyone's just waiting for Manning to blow it again, and he might well just oblige us yet.

Peyton Manning Complicates Everything [Extrapolater]

Well, the time has finally come. It's almost time for the Colts and Patriots to kick off, and thus, for Peyton Manning to engage in a no-win situation. If he loses, he's still firmly entrenched in the role of Tom Brady's lawnboy. If he wins, it's a meaningless regular season game that won't even be an afterthought if there's a rematch in January. Peyton Manning can keep the Colts undefeated tonight, but he can't make himself as masculine as Tom Brady, no matter what that picture may lead you to believe.

And there are other storylines, if you're tired of that one. There's Adam Vinatieri's first game against the team on which he made himself a legend, there's Bill Belichick's ongoing to quest to go three or four hours without banging someone else's wife... and if that's not enough, there's always Peter King at halftime, and I know how much you love that.

So settle in and follow the game here with your fellow commenters, if you'd like. There can't be a better place in the world for you to be, if you're up for making fun of Peyton Manning for 200 straight minutes or so.

Manning commands an offense like no other quarterback ever has. Until the playoffs, when he suddenly morphs into an 8-year-old boy who looks like he just had his lunch money stolen. Which is why people like me have grown immune to his stunning regular season achievements. No one else manages to be so fantastic and simultaneously so unconvincing.

Yep, pretty much covers it. Still, it's without question the most entertaining game of the weekend, even if just to make Peter King's goiter act up again. We suggest skipping all the pregame shows and just waiting for the actual event; the games are usually worth the wait, but not the blather.

Quien Es Mas Macho? Manning O Brady? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
I Really Hate The Colts [Sports Guy's World]

"Peyton Manning will have his best postseason thanks to the league's recent rule change that allows quarterbacks to handle the balls prior to games. This is huge. Quarterbacks won't be able to practice with them, but they'll be given game balls early enough during the week that they'll be able to rub them down and make them easier to grip."

John Clayton, ladies and gentlemen.

Dont' Expect Great Things from Jets, Mangini in '06 [ESPN](#8 on the list)

Apparently, a 47-year-old woman announced to a Southwest Airlines flight — which just happened to have a gossip columnist on board — that she was once hump buddies with Chesney ("when he had hair") and he was "capable."

This, of course, will end all Chesnning rumors, until, of course, that conveniently timed post-Pro Bowl cruise trip. Here's hoping Fred Smoot's there.

Stewardess Hands Out Salted Peanuts, Defends Chesney s Heterosexuality [Defamer]
Bad Time To Think Of Peyton [Deadspin]

Surprisingly enough, Peyton left "CHOKE ARTIST" out of his signature on the helmet. It does come with a certificate of authenticity, but there's no word on whether or not you get the black and white picture with the word "LOSER" scribbled over it. If you do buy it, though, it's like a seashell. You can hold it up to your ear, and you can hear it blame the offensive line.

The same person is also selling an autographed Mike Vanderjagt 8x10 (the bidding, inexplicably, is at $41), that the seller describes by saying, "Makes me want to choke everytime I look at it!!!!!!"

I'd hate to think it was Lil' Ronnie selling these, but hey... studio time isn't free.

We just feel obliged to point out that the Pro Bowl this year — which Colts quarterback Peyton Manning was just elected to, again — is on February 12.

Two weeks later, in just enough time for everybody to chill out and lick their wounds, is the Kenny Chesney Cruise Getaway, featuring "sun, fun and an intimate evening with Kenny Chesney. A once-in-a-lifetime event."

To quote, once again, Ennis Del Mar's long-suffering wife: "I don't think you boys go up there to fish."

Kenny Chesney Cruise Getaway [KennyChesney.com]
Pro Bowl Selections [USA Today]

That's right: It's another excuse for Chesnning synergy. And you knew we couldn't resist it. The ornament is currently being sold on Kenny Chesney's Web site, and at 10 bucks, it's a pretty good deal and goes to a good cause. Plus, you know, it's always funny to have an excuse to make Brokeback Mountain jokes around the tree.

Oh, for those of you who keep asking, yes, we have seen Brokeback, and we agree, Peyton is Ennis and Kenny is Jack Twist, totally, obviously.

Peyton Manning Christmas Ornament [The Alive Hospice]

I know it's early, but I haven't seen any team get to Manning like the Chargers have done so far. By the end of the game, he could have a Broke Back. In other bad news for the Colts, OT Ryan Diem has left the game with an injury.

And just because I don't know where else to mention it, NFL rules official Jerry Siemen is attending the Vikings game, because he is the most aptly-named official to control the Vikings.

Edgerrin's free to pursue his other interests, like having his hair freshly scraggled or getting his gold teeth polished. And Peyton can spend more time hanging out in grocery stores and cheering on the employees. Or, as you probably know, Kenny Chesney isn't on tour at the moment. It might be a nice time for a holiday getaway. O, they can go see Brokeback Mountain every day for a few weeks.

No matter what they chose to do, I think Tony Dungy is right to sit them down for a little bit in the closing weeks. The Super Bowl is the thing, and you don't get a lot of chances at it. If Manning or James were injured in what amounts to garbage time, it would be an incredible waste.

As MJD points out, the song's lyrics are rather unusual for a song written by two heterosexual males. But maybe we're looking for things that aren't there again. Take a look for yourself:

Well, I've been drawing little hearts in the morning paper Lookin' for a house an' a couple of acres You'll be mine some time, sooner or later and I can't wait.

Like a busy ol' bee savin' up it's honey
Honey I'm savin' up all my money
To have you I'll do anything I have to,
Whatever it takes.

Gawd, what we wouldn't give to be in on one of their brainstorming sessions. Actually, check that ...

Whatever It Takes [The Mighty MJD]
Whatever It Takes Lyrics [Lyrics Download]

We were in Tokyo for a preseason game. Afterward I went to my room to take a shower. Other girls came in, and they were sitting around eating when there was a knock on the door. I figured it was another cheerleader, so I said, "Come in." The door opened and it was a couple of players. I was like, "Shut my door. What are you guys doing?" I m in a towel. It looks bad though I do look good in a towel. Sure enough, I got caught. A high-profile player, who shall remain nameless, was hiding in my shower.

Perry's bio is here; Oddjack confirms through his own sources that it's Manning. We love this idea; Manning's teammates find out which room the cheerleaders are staying in, barge in, dispatch Manning to the shower and then commence with the humping. The stern cheerleader director then shows up, the damage long since done and over, comes in and finds a sheepish Manning aw-shucks-ing in the shower. Oopsy! Sorry, Miss!

Peyton Manning Might Actually Like Chicks [Oddjack]

And then there's Manning himself, who, our snickering about Kenny Chesney (who actually had a concert promo on ABC during the game; synergy rules) aside, could very well be having his legend year. And it couldn't happen to a dopier guy. During the MNF halftime puff piece, Manning, in response to what song best defined him, actually said "Footloose." We mean, you couldn't script that. (We're wondering if his other choices were "Danger Zone" and "I'm Alright.") But now the guy is getting his back rubbed by everyone; Mastercard even, inexplicably, ran one of those "Beating The Patriots: Priceless" commercials at the end of the game last night. Now people are legitimately talking about the Colts going undefeated. And we're wondering how Manning will handle all this; we still think he's going to get jittery at the absolute worst time. We're conditioned that way.

Colts Beat Patriots, Yay! [Lone Pony]

(By the way, if you're in a Kenny Loggins mood this morning, we suggest checking out these letters from Loggins fans to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Great way to pass time in that TPS report meeting.)

It's rare a regular season game is hyped as much as this one is, and one kind of gets the impression John Madden is going to spontaneously combust, exploding into a terrifying smorgasboard of pizza sauce and lite beer.

You kind of get the impression that no matter who wins this game, the loser will be spinning madly. Patriots win, hey, Colts will have home field anyway. Colts win, hell, there are injuries, and we'll see you in the playoffs anyway. We're just hoping they break with protocol and go ahead and let Kenny Chesney sing. He does have a new album coming out, after all; might be good for the guy. Can't imagine what would get Peyton more fired up.

Enjoy. It's nice sometimes when things are just about sports.

Balancing Act [Boston.com]