Rolling into the British Open Phil Mickelson was optimistic this could be his year. By 10:30 eastern, we knew that wasn't the case. The Hefty Left swung his manboobs from one side of the fairway to the other on his way to a robust 79. At least he didn't waste any time taking himself out of competition. After six holes, Phil was already six over. Including a nice triple bogey on six.

Our patron saint, John Daly, fared no better, shooting an 80. Between them they had a single birdie.

Oh well, at least we know it wasn't Tiger that was keeping Phil from performing well in the British Open. Right now the conditions are nasty and brutish. No one has put up a below par score. Although, amazingly, David Duval finished only three over par.

And hole six, a par 4? The scoring average right now is over 5. No chance I'm getting off that hole without a snowman.

British Open Leaderboard [CBS Sports] ]]> Deadspin-5026257 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:00:24 EDT Clay Travis http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5026257&view=rss&microfeed=true The palatial 4.55-acre estate you see here is golfer Phil Mickelson's home in Rancho Sante Fe, Calif — and it could all be yours. Ignore all that subprime slowdown gloom and doom — this is an absolute steal. Priced between $10,750,000 - $12,225,876, it includes a spa, two guesthouses, a putting green, media room, and a pool big enough to accommodate the largest of over-sized egos.

If you're interested in purchasing this perfect little getaway place, you should check out the listing here.

Mickelson's House For Sale [Golf.com]

Phil Mickelson is a choke artist.

That isn’t to say he’s a bad guy who beats his cats (come on, you know this guy has cats), but he is the guy that front-rims a jumper when it’s game point or the dude that takes a called strike three right down the heart of the plate.

I know, I know, Phil is the second best golfer of our generation. Hell, one of his leg hairs has more talent than most golfers could ever wet dream about. The problem is, he’s lost that appeal he used to have with the golfing public.

See, everyone has a title. That guy that sits down the hallway that constantly gets bitched out by his superior? Yeah, that guy is life’s toilet bowl, someone you can sit on and give all your shit to and not really worry about when you’re finished. No matter how hard Kobe Bryant tries, he will always be considered a selfish prick and Phil was always our loser. Lefty tried to change his persona over the last few years and it got people confused.

Normal people can’t relate to Phil Mickelson. Nobody on this planet walks around with a grin like Phil has and nobody in this world has a family as happy as his seems. What we could relate to with him was his losing. He’d play a golf tournament beautifully, like the 1999 U.S. Open, get in position to take the title and all of a sudden, Payne Stewart makes a putt he probably shouldn’t have made. The same could be said about the 2001 PGA Championship or any of the three Masters preceding his breakthrough victory in 2004. Mickelson had all this in his life, but never could get exactly what he wanted and that seemed human to us. We believed him.

Now Mickelson doesn’t have that and people have lost their compassion for Mickelson. He is leading the Masters and you aren’t that excited. He wins the Players Championship and you change the channel before his speech. You having nothing that brings you to him anymore (except maybe his constant battle with weight).

The U.S. Open is different to Mickelson. Sure, he hasn’t won the British either, but he’s only finished in the top-10 once across the pond. He won’t win the Claret Jug and that’s fine, Roger Federer probably won’t ever win at Roland Garros. The thing is, Mickelson was built to win the U.S. Open.

He’s finished second four times and a tie for fourth once. He’s had two wrapped in his grip and instead of holding on with both hands he just made two double-bogeys instead, once in 2004 and once at Winged Foot in ’06. People still root for him at these events, because he’s had the tip in, he just hasn’t closed the deal.

Starting Thursday, Mickelson will again be the bridesmaid. Not only will he know it, he’ll see it, shot for shot. The difference this week is, as the stars have aligned, Phil is the favorite. Mickelson has a chance to take advantage of a lame Woods, the first time in our lives where something other than conditions and family has played a factor in decided Tiger’s outcome. Nobody can predict how Tiger will do after nearly eight weeks off from competitive golf, but the one person that can do something is Phil Mickelson. I’m the biggest preacher in the world that golf tournaments are bigger than two people but this one isn’t, it’s about two versus one, Better versus Best, Phil versus Tiger.

If Mickelson could somehow win this week, he’d have as many major championships in the last five seasons as Tiger. Mickelson has a chance to let people know that he is far from that loveable loser and is a little bit of a badass. He can go from “Where Did Our Buddy Phil Go?” to “Wow, He’s Becoming a Fucking Motherfucker!”

As unpredictable as a U.S. Open can be, this could just be babble that disappears when the first one shoots 74, but the public is allowing Mickelson this opportunity to do something he’s never done – shut down the Greatest.

If he could do it emphatically, staring down the nose of Tiger Woods, he’ll gain a lot of respect that he’s lost over the years. If he doesn’t, he’ll continue to be a boring, played out dick joke.

With that said, I believe it's my duty as Deadspin Weekend Daddy to let you know that Phil Mickelson shat himself at the Scottish Open, bogeying three of the final six holes to finish second to France's Gregory Havret in a playoff.

At the first playoff hole, the par-four 18th at Loch Lomond, the No. 3 player in the world drove into a hazard on the left side. If Mickelson wanted a drop, he would have to go back to the tee, so he slashed back on to the fairway.

Havret split the short grass off the tee, but landed in a right greenside bunker with his second. He blasted out to five feet, but had to wait to see if Mickelson could save par.

Mickelson hit his third shot a little too far and the ball could not spin out of the back rough. The left-hander chipped a foot past the hole to tap-in for bogey and put the pressure on Havret.

The Frenchman responded and walked off with his second European Tour victory.

Havret Trumps Mickelson At Scottish Open [The Sports Network]

"This really was dangerous doing what I did because the rough was twice as long, and I thought they may play it like that," said an exasperated Mickelson, who played with an injured wrist this week and missed the cut at 11 over. "With the liquid fertilizer and this new machine that makes the grass suck straight up, it is absolutely dangerous.

"The first practice round on Monday, (massage therapist) Jim Weathers had six other appointments — people hurting their ribs, their backs, their wrists. It's dangerous, it really is."

You hear that? Oakmont is so difficult that SIX PEOPLE REQUIRED MASSAGES. If the USGA keeps this up, eventually, someone's going to need an ibuprofen. Will that make them happy?

He's right, of course. Every time I finish a round of golf, I just thank Jesus that I was able to escape without suffering any debilitating injuries. Not only is the rough long, but the sun is hot, sometimes the wind is blowing, and you never know when some wisenheimer might poke you in the butt with the flagstick. It's hell out there.

But I think that's why most people play. To put themselves so close to the edge of danger

Mickelson: Oakmont 'absolutely dangerous' [Daily Herald]

And it pisses me off that it's not televised live. Yeah, I'm aware that it tees off about 3:00 a.m. Eastern time, but, at least in my view, this is a legitimate big-time sporting event. We can't bump some of the 3:00 a.m. programming to find a spot for The Ryder Cup? I'm sorry if I sound skeptical, but no, I don't believe that that Donald Trump infommercial is going to change my life. Let's see FIGJAM lip out a four-footer instead.

Anyway, given that my day is going to consider of watching sports and being on the internet, there's no way I could avoid seeing the results ahead of time.

If you're watching it on NBC, enjoy. If not results are just after the jump.

Ryder Cup 2006

Yeah, we're getting our asses worked. The highlight of the day was Stewart Cink and Zach Johnson losing 5&4 to Paul Casey and David Howell, complete with a Paul Casey hole-in-one. Awesome. Jim Furyk and Tiger Woods probably going to give us our only win of the afternoon Foursomes, which will leave it 10-6 heading into tomorrow's singles matches. We'll have to get 8 points out of a possible twelve to bring home the Cup.

Depending on how you look at it, there are either a bunch of guys still in contention, or a bunch of guys who are going to have a pretty good view of Tiger dropping the hammer on everyone in the vicinity. Mike Weir, Geoff Ogilvy, Shaun Micheel and Sergio Garcia are still right there, within a few strokes. Even ol' FIGJAM is just six strokes back.

Coverage resumes on CBS tomorrow at 2:00.

Full Leaderboard [PGA.com]

Golfers occupy the top two spots, with Tiger Woods at #1, and Phil Mickelson at #2. It's worth noting that three of the top four in endorsement money play either golf or tennis (3rd on that list is Lebron James, who makes $24 million in endorsements, to Andre Agassi's $23 million). The lesson here: endorsement money is the biggest in sports that appeal mainly to country club members.

Six New York Yankees make the list, including Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Giambi, Mike Mussina, Randy Johnson, and Johnny Damon. And had SI not relegated international athletes to their own seperate list, Hideki Matsui would've also popped in around #21. That just doesn't seem fair.

I wonder if Drew Rosenhaus looks at this list and pleasures himself.

The Fortunate 50 [SI.com]
The International 20 [SI.com]

Mickelson, despite hitting just two fairways all day, still elected to hit the driver off the 18th tee. He missed the fairway by about 700 yards, and hit a risky approach shot that ended up plugged into a greenside bunker. He had almost no chance to get it up and down from there.

And Mickelson's double bogey came just minutes after Colin Montgomerie did the same damn thing. Phil had just won a couple majors, and he's relatively young. Monty's story is much sadder. He's spent his entire career being one of the world's best golfers and not winning a major — for so long, in fact, that it stopped being a story — and he finished at +6, tied with Mickelson, one back of Ogilvy. It was an unbelievable finish, and not in a good way. No one could close the deal. They could both use a lecture from Alec Baldwin. A Always, B Be, C Closing. Always be closing. ALWAYS be closing.

It's been an up-and-down day for Australia today. There was the picture of Australian ass below, which had to be a point of pride for the country. But the soccer team lost to Brazil, taking it to a low point. And now, Ogilvy wins the U.S. Open, accompanied by what had to be the first "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy!" chants ever heard on a golf course. Walk with pride, Australians.

106th U.S. Open Championship - Round 4 Full Leaderboard [U.S. Open]

Anyway, golf. U.S. Open. I've been able to catch the last few holes here, and the leader so far: Winged Foot. No one is under par. Kenneth Ferrie, an Englishmen of whom I have never heard, is atop the leaderboard at +2. But he's tied with the day's biggest story, Phil Mickelson, one of just two guys to go under par for the day. He shot a 1-under 69, and will be in the final pairing tomorrow with Ferrie.

Other names in contender include Colin Montgomerie, who stablized after a brutal +5 through 4 holes start, and Vijay Singh, who shot even par today. Padraig Harrington will be among the last few players to tee off tomorrow, too, despite forgetting how to swing a golf club on the 18th hole. After putting his drive in the rough, his second shot included an inexplicable Pujols-esque step forward with his front foot in the middle of his swing. I've never seen that before. He didn't trip, he didn't slip, he just all the sudden felt the need to take a step. He duffed it, it traveled about 15 feet, and he took a triple bogey 7.

And if you're tuning in tomorrow, here's a great list of things to look for.

U.S. Open Leaderboard [USOpen.com]
Things To Look For At The US Open [Cracked.com]

We think that perhaps the photo might be more accurate if it had a picture of Skip Bayless, but hey, you probably guessed that joke was coming.

Unless, of course, it's a comment about mullets. Which is certainly possible.

The New York Times [Official Site]

Now, though, he's already won a couple, so his victory yesterday seemed the way Mickelson pretty much was all along: Bland, safe, predictable, corporate, boring. He's just another dopey tan white-guy golfer with a pretty wife, a history of gambling problems and a creepy smile. It's not like Tiger Woods is all that different, mind you, but at least he has historical dominance on his side. Phil is just another golfer now. Good for him, not for us.

By the way, the AP apparently reads sports blogs.

Phil Wins. Yay [The Mighty MJD]
Get-chat Realests! [The Realests]

While the lack of a competitive finish is a disappointment, the upside is that we were not lacking shots of Amy Mickelson, Phil's lovely wife. And the last time Phil won the Masters, he kinda/sorta admitted that he wore it later that night with Amy in some boudoir action.

Elsewhere in the field, Tiger Woods couldn't make a putt. Freddie Couples couldn't make a putt. And no one else could make a charge. It was an efficient and calm performance by Mickelson, who didn't make a bogey until the rather pointless 18th hole.

It's not too late to tune in and see Tiger Woods put the green jacket on Phil, if you're into that sort of thing. Myself, I've had about enough of Jim Nantz, and I need to go listen to some Dead Prez or something, as sort of a Jim Nantz detox.

Masters Leaderboard [GolfWeb.com]
Phil Mickelson shows off his green jacket [Golf Today]

Phil Mickelson is your current leader at -4. Chad Campbell, who was leading at -6 when I went to sleep last night, saved himself the embarrassment of losing the lead late on Sunday by losing it early on Sunday. He shot a 75 in the third round. And Tim Clark actually had it up to -7, but finished with a not-so-pretty 40 on the back nine. Rocco Mediate was tied for the lead at -4, before double bogeying the 18th

The course is playing hard as hell, evidently. The greens are drying out and the wind is picking up. Add those to the fact that they lengthened the course to be bigger than a few of the world's smaller nations, and we could see some substantial train wrecks this afternoon.

The leaderboard for this thing is unbelievable. Here are your key afternoon tee times:

2:12: Rocco "Fella" Mediate (-2), "Mid Life Crisis Ponytail" Miguel Angel Jimenez (-1)
2:22: Darren Clarke (-2), Vijay Singh (-2)
2:32: Eldrick "Tiger" Woods (-2), Tim Clark (-2)
2:42: Chad Campbell (-3), Steven Ames (-2)
2:52: Phil Mickelson (-4), Freddie "Boom Boom" Couples (-3)

The Official Site of the Masters Tournament [masters.org]

"I told him I didn't mean to laugh," Mickelson's wife, Amy, told the San Diego Union-Tribune, "but it was so funny, I was laughing hysterically."

This also sums up Amy's reaction every time she sees Mickelson at a tournament. When they get home, he sulks in front of a large screen showing and endless loops of Tiger Woods highlights while she rolls around with the gardner on a bed of 100-dollar bills. Just our guess, anyway.

Phil 'Er Up [Seattle Times]