This is priceless in its own right, but even better if you happened to be in the press room at Winged Foot a few years ago, before the tournament began, when Lip asked one of his patented long-winded questions, and Mickelson pondered his answer for a few seconds, and then, wonderfully, amazingly, magically, said ....

"Well, Mitch ..."

Lupica looked like he'd swallowed a Big Gulp of arsenic after that. Lefty has been a hero to the masses ever since.

Deadspin tale about Lupica and Mickelson [SportsJournalists.com]
EARLIER: Phil Mickelson Ruined Mike Lupica's U.S. Open

Sauer covered the event for the Huffington Post (don't snicker) and had the fancy tent access that most people get when they cover an event on a PR agency's dime (NO PHOTOS FOR BLOGGERS). But he persevered through the half-access and managed to get this little slice of Lupicana that is pretty incredible:

I was well positioned on the short par-3 14th to watch Mickelson. This was right after the eagle and the roar of the crowd was as loud as any noise I ever heard at a sporting event. Thousands of fans came storming over, shouting in pure ecstasy, an American version of a coronation. Obviously, his wife's cancer made the "people's champ" even more popular and right after his tee shot landed near the pin, it felt like watching a cliched sports movie come to life. The only drawback? As Mickelson made his way down the hill, the charge was lead by wee sportswriter Mike Lupica. He may be the dean of New York scribes, but how about not making yourself part of the story, Mike? He was out front, waving to fans, shaking hands, and marching to the green in all his Napoleonic glory. For Calvin Peete's sake, Lupica, couldn't you have at least walked behind Phil?

Of course Lupica's final Bethpage column acknowledged Lucas Glover and focused on Phil, but if you replace "Phil Mickelson" with "Mike Lupica" you get a full sense of the drama Mike tried to pipsqueek his way into:

It was supposed to be Mickelson's day after he made that eagle. He was going to take his trophy with him to his wife's hospital room. An Open championship that would have been more like a Movie of the Week.

Better luck next time, Mike.

18 Rounds Of Soggy And Sunny Days At The U.S. Open [HuffPo]

Yes, it was noticeable, I guess, but NBC insisted on doing close-ups of her giant sunglasses throughout most of the last hole, scrutiny was expected. But some people are happy that Glover held on at the end: bookmakers. According to Darren Rovell's dial-a-bookmaker-insta-quote, most people betting the tournament didn't put any serious money on Glover, David Duval, or Ricky Barnes who all finished near the top. Glover's best finish up until the Open victory was a second place finish at Quail Hollow. Oh and how did Mickelson feel after he came tantalizingly close to winning this goddamn tournament again and the surrounding Hallmark storyline that accompanied it this year? Terrible, obviously.

"Certainly I'm disappointed," Mickelson said, "but now that it's over, I've got more important things going on. "And," he added, then paused, "oh, well."

Poor Phil.

Glover Win Big For Books [CNBC]

Phil eagles the 13th hole to move into a tie for first-place. Grab your hankies, folks. It could get very dusty in here.

To just sum up the current situation. Ricky Barnes, who nearly set a 54-hole record at the Open, is +6 for the day, and has fallen two shots behind the leaders. Lucas Glover is +3 and that has opened the door for sentimental favorite Phil Mickelson, who is putting the ball pretty much wherever he wants right now. Two-under for the day, -4 for the tourney, and currently tied with Glover for the lead. (Tiger? Screw that guy.) We'll keep you posted with updates for the rest of the afternoon.

[Live Scoreboard]

12:15: And the Deadspin jinx works quickly. Phil just bonked a five-footer for par on 15. Back to -3, one stroke behind the leader.

12:25: David Duval, who must be a rookie or something because I can't recall a time when he was ever playing golf on television, birdies 15 to move to -2, tied for third with three others. Glover and Barnes (the final group) are working their way up 15 now.

12:40: Glover bogeys 15, to drop back into a tie with Mickelson at -3. Meanwhile, Hunter Mahan (at -2) hit the pin from 170 yards on 16, the ball ricocheted 50 feet to the other side of the green and he ended up with a bogey. Tough break.

12:43: Duval birdies three in a row! There's now a three-way tie for first and a two-way tie for sappiest story.

12:49: So the leader comes back to Mickelson again, and what does he do? Immediately misses the green on the par-3 17th, misses a ten-footer for par, and drops back to second. No one wants to win this.

12:51: Glover birdies 16. He's back in the lead, alone, with two holes to play.

12:56: Duval's par putt on 17 hits the lip of the cup ... and out! Oh, what a dagger. Two-shot lead for Glover as he tees off on 17.

12:59: Mickelson's birdie try on 18 misses by an inch. He finishes at -2. Quite a charge, but two bogeys in the final four holes won't get it done.

1:09: Glover lays up on 18. Announcer: "This is just the opposite of Jean Van De Velde. This has got some intelligence in it." It's been ten years and the guy is still getting burned.

1:20: Well, it's over. And I was so looking forward to watching another 18 holes of this afternoon instead of doing my job. All the drama ends with a whimper. Phil Mickelson has his fifth second-place finish at the U.S. Open, David Duval has his best finish at any tournament since 2001, and Lucas Glover of all people shoots +3 in the final found and wins the U.S. Open by two shots. And to all a good night....

I kept the seeing fake names like "Ricky Barnes" and "Lucas Glover" on the top of the "Leaderboard" and assumed those were made-up place holders for real golfers like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. Whoops. Those first two guys are actually in the final group that is stuck somewhere in the swamps of Long Island and one of them might actually win this thing. But back to Tiger and Phil. (They're fan favorites, you know?)

The good news is that folks who had tickets for Thursday's rainout and couldn't get refunds, will be allowed back on the course to watch today's final-round action. You can afford to take another day off of work, right?

Follow along here, or on ESPN if you have it handy.

Live Leaderboard [US Open]

One question though, before we get to that: Does the guy who yells "Get in the hole!" when someone is teeing off on a par five still think they're being clever? Do they also enjoy being the guy who yells "Freebird!" at every single rock show they've attended since 1986? I think that stopped being funny ... well, immediately.

Play will probably resume later today, (UPDATE: No more golf today. See you Friday at 7:30 a.m.) but when you have to squeegee the greens, that's not exactly championship caliber conditions. It's pretty miserable out on Long Island. Plus, it's raining! HA! See, what I did there? Seriously, though. Stay inside today.

Oh, right. The cussin'. Where's the adorable Jonathan Lipnicki when you need him?

Live Scoreboard [US Open]
[Video via ESPN]

It's nice to have one person comeback given many of the departures we've had today. If you'd like to see the list of those who are no longer here (for now, of course) then head over to The Rookies to see their impromptu gathering of the dearly departed as they bounce around various theories and opinions about what transpired. It's entertaining, if not enlightening.

And let's clarify a couple more things and then we'll never talk about this again:

• There are still plenty of opportunities for new people to comment and try out. Just email the ridiculously named "Comment Ninja Squadron" and do the best you can.

• People who were banned, can still come back if they want. (And not just through Facebook.)

• The world did not end.

****

Thank you for your continued support/distrust/dismissal of Deadspin. Watch Conan tonight and keep your mind open.

Dogs That Chase Cars snagged this pretty amusing story from The Scotsman newspaper, where Phil Mickelson became engrossed in a little impromptu trash-talking with Nick Faldo during the traditional Champions Dinner before Augusta two weeks ago. For those offended by some ungentlemanly language, put on your earmuffs. Or your eyemuffs. To the tete-a-tete!:

Phil (loud enough for everyone to hear): "Gee Nick, I didn't realise that you are such a big guy. How come you used to hit it so short?"

Faldo: "Listen Phil, when you shoot 19 under par to win the Open at St Andrews you can start giving me a hard time."

Phil: "I understand that. But how come you hit it like such a pussy?"

Faldo: "I played golf the proper way."

Phil: "Yeah, like my wife."

The conversation stops there, but we think Faldo could have easily won that trash-talk battle if he'd just come back with "Did your wife learn how to play that well from having sex with Michael Jordan?" I mean, lots of people know that, right?

Wow...Phil Mickelson Is Pretty Bad Ass [Dogs Chasing Cars]

The first players are finishing their rounds at Oakland Hills Country Club outside of Detroit. Somewhere on his island kingdom in Florida Tiger Woods is not even bothering to watch. Meanwhile golf fans who are stuck at their desks would do anything to be able to skip out of work and listen to the dulcet tones of Ernie Johnson and Benjamin Franklin/Verne Lundquist on TNT. So far two people you've never heard of are in the clubhouse at -2, Robert Karlsson and Jeev Mikha Singh.

If you've been watching at all you know how miserable the rough is. Any shot that isn't in the fairway is a complete disaster. Prior to teeing off some called it the hardest course they'd ever seen. Even still, the weather is perfect, and the scores haven't been bad. Unless you're Bradley Dean and you put up an 86 +16. Ouch.

Other notables that are hanging around the top of the leaderboard include: Sergio Garcia at -1, the newly svelte Phil Mickelson at even (in typical Phil fashion with five bogies and five birdies), Anthony Kim at even, and, even though he's only through five holes, Padraig Harrington is already at -3. John Daly is sober and at even par through four holes.

PGA Championship Leaderboard [CBS]

Rolling into the British Open Phil Mickelson was optimistic this could be his year. By 10:30 eastern, we knew that wasn't the case. The Hefty Left swung his manboobs from one side of the fairway to the other on his way to a robust 79. At least he didn't waste any time taking himself out of competition. After six holes, Phil was already six over. Including a nice triple bogey on six.

Our patron saint, John Daly, fared no better, shooting an 80. Between them they had a single birdie.

Oh well, at least we know it wasn't Tiger that was keeping Phil from performing well in the British Open. Right now the conditions are nasty and brutish. No one has put up a below par score. Although, amazingly, David Duval finished only three over par.

And hole six, a par 4? The scoring average right now is over 5. No chance I'm getting off that hole without a snowman.

British Open Leaderboard [CBS Sports]</</p>

If you're interested in purchasing this perfect little getaway place, you should check out the listing here.

Mickelson's House For Sale [Golf.com]

Phil Mickelson is a choke artist.

That isn’t to say he’s a bad guy who beats his cats (come on, you know this guy has cats), but he is the guy that front-rims a jumper when it’s game point or the dude that takes a called strike three right down the heart of the plate.

I know, I know, Phil is the second best golfer of our generation. Hell, one of his leg hairs has more talent than most golfers could ever wet dream about. The problem is, he’s lost that appeal he used to have with the golfing public.

See, everyone has a title. That guy that sits down the hallway that constantly gets bitched out by his superior? Yeah, that guy is life’s toilet bowl, someone you can sit on and give all your shit to and not really worry about when you’re finished. No matter how hard Kobe Bryant tries, he will always be considered a selfish prick and Phil was always our loser. Lefty tried to change his persona over the last few years and it got people confused.

Normal people can’t relate to Phil Mickelson. Nobody on this planet walks around with a grin like Phil has and nobody in this world has a family as happy as his seems. What we could relate to with him was his losing. He’d play a golf tournament beautifully, like the 1999 U.S. Open, get in position to take the title and all of a sudden, Payne Stewart makes a putt he probably shouldn’t have made. The same could be said about the 2001 PGA Championship or any of the three Masters preceding his breakthrough victory in 2004. Mickelson had all this in his life, but never could get exactly what he wanted and that seemed human to us. We believed him.

Now Mickelson doesn’t have that and people have lost their compassion for Mickelson. He is leading the Masters and you aren’t that excited. He wins the Players Championship and you change the channel before his speech. You having nothing that brings you to him anymore (except maybe his constant battle with weight).

The U.S. Open is different to Mickelson. Sure, he hasn’t won the British either, but he’s only finished in the top-10 once across the pond. He won’t win the Claret Jug and that’s fine, Roger Federer probably won’t ever win at Roland Garros. The thing is, Mickelson was built to win the U.S. Open.

He’s finished second four times and a tie for fourth once. He’s had two wrapped in his grip and instead of holding on with both hands he just made two double-bogeys instead, once in 2004 and once at Winged Foot in ’06. People still root for him at these events, because he’s had the tip in, he just hasn’t closed the deal.

Starting Thursday, Mickelson will again be the bridesmaid. Not only will he know it, he’ll see it, shot for shot. The difference this week is, as the stars have aligned, Phil is the favorite. Mickelson has a chance to take advantage of a lame Woods, the first time in our lives where something other than conditions and family has played a factor in decided Tiger’s outcome. Nobody can predict how Tiger will do after nearly eight weeks off from competitive golf, but the one person that can do something is Phil Mickelson. I’m the biggest preacher in the world that golf tournaments are bigger than two people but this one isn’t, it’s about two versus one, Better versus Best, Phil versus Tiger.

If Mickelson could somehow win this week, he’d have as many major championships in the last five seasons as Tiger. Mickelson has a chance to let people know that he is far from that loveable loser and is a little bit of a badass. He can go from “Where Did Our Buddy Phil Go?” to “Wow, He’s Becoming a Fucking Motherfucker!”

As unpredictable as a U.S. Open can be, this could just be babble that disappears when the first one shoots 74, but the public is allowing Mickelson this opportunity to do something he’s never done – shut down the Greatest.

If he could do it emphatically, staring down the nose of Tiger Woods, he’ll gain a lot of respect that he’s lost over the years. If he doesn’t, he’ll continue to be a boring, played out dick joke.

With that said, I believe it's my duty as Deadspin Weekend Daddy to let you know that Phil Mickelson shat himself at the Scottish Open, bogeying three of the final six holes to finish second to France's Gregory Havret in a playoff.

At the first playoff hole, the par-four 18th at Loch Lomond, the No. 3 player in the world drove into a hazard on the left side. If Mickelson wanted a drop, he would have to go back to the tee, so he slashed back on to the fairway.

Havret split the short grass off the tee, but landed in a right greenside bunker with his second. He blasted out to five feet, but had to wait to see if Mickelson could save par.

Mickelson hit his third shot a little too far and the ball could not spin out of the back rough. The left-hander chipped a foot past the hole to tap-in for bogey and put the pressure on Havret.

The Frenchman responded and walked off with his second European Tour victory.

Havret Trumps Mickelson At Scottish Open [The Sports Network]

"This really was dangerous doing what I did because the rough was twice as long, and I thought they may play it like that," said an exasperated Mickelson, who played with an injured wrist this week and missed the cut at 11 over. "With the liquid fertilizer and this new machine that makes the grass suck straight up, it is absolutely dangerous.

"The first practice round on Monday, (massage therapist) Jim Weathers had six other appointments — people hurting their ribs, their backs, their wrists. It's dangerous, it really is."

You hear that? Oakmont is so difficult that SIX PEOPLE REQUIRED MASSAGES. If the USGA keeps this up, eventually, someone's going to need an ibuprofen. Will that make them happy?

He's right, of course. Every time I finish a round of golf, I just thank Jesus that I was able to escape without suffering any debilitating injuries. Not only is the rough long, but the sun is hot, sometimes the wind is blowing, and you never know when some wisenheimer might poke you in the butt with the flagstick. It's hell out there.

But I think that's why most people play. To put themselves so close to the edge of danger

Mickelson: Oakmont 'absolutely dangerous' [Daily Herald]