Phil Simms Just Gets Worse And Worse

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering your friend's sex tapes, chemo poops, spider lungs and more. » 1/08/13 2:40pm 1/08/13 2:40pm

Here's Every Instance Of Phil Simms Saying The Word "Football" In A…

"This guy." "The National Football League." Sportscasters have their own pet phrases, most of which add nothing to the conversation. They're meaningless syllables to fill up airtime, nervous tics that we're used to ignoring, but once you notice them you can't hear anything else. Take Phil Simms, who loves to say… » 11/26/12 3:35pm 11/26/12 3:35pm

Phil Simms Invites Himself To The Telestrator Dong Party

Wrote tipster Tom B., "Phil Simms drew a cock and balls shooting a small load during the Packers game!" However, like-minded tipster Andrew H. presented it without comment. Potato. Potato. » 10/02/11 6:45pm 10/02/11 6:45pm

Learn To Jog In Place With Phil Simms's 1987 NFL Workout Video

Phil Simms released this workout video in 1987, the year he was named Super Bowl MVP. It has lots of Lycra, big hair, and some help from pros Todd Christensen, Eric Dickerson, Tony Dorsett, Phil McConkey, Reggie Williams, Gary Anderson, and Rulon Jones. If by chance you still own a VHS player, you can get this on… » 2/24/11 7:30pm 2/24/11 7:30pm

This Is What Happens When You Get Caught Stealing Someone's Shovel…

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
» 2/06/11 9:15am 2/06/11 9:15am

Breaking: Having A Famous QB Dad Doesn't Automatically Make You Good At…

Matt Simms and Nate Montana are playing football at tiny community colleges instead of D-I powerhouses. Weird, right? I mean, they've got blond hair and famous last names. What else do you need to play quarterback? [LA Times] » 9/02/09 3:20pm 9/02/09 3:20pm

The Caveman Guy Is Getting His Own Show ... With Phil Simms?

So here's a show we would watch: It turns out that the GEICO Caveman commercials are getting their own television show. We have no problem with this idea; we find the Caveman skits hilarious, particularly the one where he's on the cable news show. » 3/12/07 5:45pm 3/12/07 5:45pm

Matt Simms Can Roll A Fat One (In A Slightly Different Fashion Than His…

You might not have realized that Phil Simms actually has two football playing sons. The first is Chris Simms, of course, who was John Amaechi before it was COOL to be John Amaechi. But the second is Matt Simms, who is about to attend Louisville and has proven to be a bit of an asshead. » 2/09/07 10:30am 2/09/07 10:30am

Phil Simms Keeps His Eye On The Balls

One of our favorite ongoing gags at Out Sports is the running tab of homoerotic comments made by CBS analyst Phil Simms during his telecasts. Favorites from the past include "[Miami running back] Lamar Smith doesn't look like much in his underwear" and his constant references to Dan Marino as "a handsome man." Well,… » 10/03/05 11:15am 10/03/05 11:15am

Jacked-Up Ref Will Not Be Taunted Online

Notoriously overmuscled NFL referee Ed Hochuli has long been a popular figure with the gay sports fan community, thanks to his cartoonishly large biceps. (Apparently, gays aren't the only fans; witness this hilarious roundup of homoerotic comments by CBS analyst Phil Simms, including some drooling ones about Hochuli.) » 9/13/05 2:02pm 9/13/05 2:02pm