Sure, the Flyers eventually knuckled under to the Penguins' explosive attack after getting up early, but they're clearly just setting up the Pens like they did to the Caps and the Habs. Philly has lost the opener in each of its three series this postseason. The Pens have even gone as far as to crib the Canadiens defacing of the Rocky statue. just leave that Barkley statue alone! Oof. It's all so eerily similar.

With Kimmo Timonen out for the series, the Flyers weren't able to impose the physicality they're going to need to keep Evgeni Malkin, Sid Crisby and Marian Hossa in check. Malkin picked up two goals in five minutes, including his first career short-handed goal, to break Philly's back. If only the Flyers can draw some inspiration from funereal chants to get going.

Last night also marked the debut of Canadia's most conservative dresser, Don Cherry, on ESPN's hockey coverage. All for naught, though, as he said the Flyers' play spoiled his hot pink finery. Thanks a lot, Flyers.

Suddenly Keyshawn Johnson looks downright dowdy.

Elitism: It's Lonely at the Top. But it's Comforting to Look Down Upon Everyone at the Bottom. Man, talk about crushing expectations. You're Sidney Crosby, and somewhere along the line an irreverent hockey blog dubs you "Hockey Jesus." It's not that the moniker isn't well-deserved. That doesn't scare you, as you lead the league in playoff points despite only playing nine games. You don't mind the holy press and the righteous comparisons. What scares you is the Truth, and it's not going to take a Dan Brown novel to let it leak.

It's true. God IS actually your dad.

All of your Father's Creation was designed solely so that you could win a Stanley Cup. In Heaven, somewhere in his massive study, he's got a mantle where he'd like to place all of his greatest achievements. You know what, Son? There's an empty space atop that flawless marble shelf, between the first Wheel and Pizza Bagels. Wouldn't a Stanley Cup look AWESOME right there? The Man froze both polar caps just so you'd have a pond to hone your skills upon. He promised Atlanta GM Don Waddell a free ticket to Heaven in exchange for Marian Hossa. He granted an Everlasting Life ticket to Sergei Gonchar, whose 83-year-old body is still playing an impressive 25 minutes per game. Sidney, you need to take it from here. You have two choices. Beat the Flyers, or prepare to die for all man's sins.

Ignorance: It's Amazing How Much Easier it is For a Team to Work Together When No One Has Any Idea Where They're Going. Enter the ESPN.com experts. It's a motley collection of SportsCenter anchors, mullets, pasty dot-com columnists and a dude named Amber. In the first round, only Barry Melrose picked the Flyers to knock off Washington. In Round 2, only John Buccigross voted for America to defeat Canada. Round 3? Six out of six casual sports media personalities agree: Stanley Cup Final tickets will be on sale in Pittsburgh in a few weeks.

Now Philly no doubt appreciates the back-handed compliment that it will be seven games before the Pens can dispatch of their cross-state rivals (Six games, Burnside? Fall on a skate blade, pal.) However, if John Stevens finds a way to make this bulletin board material (Derian Hatcher suggests stapling his laptop to the wall), there are a few factors that may cut the Second Coming short. Marty Biron has stolen games in each of the past two series. Kimmo Timonen has played with all the audacity of a premier blue liner, keeping the puck in the zone on power plays and shutting down the opposition's leading scorer. And Jeff Carter of all people, has seemed a step faster than just about everyone in these playoffs. At some point, that dam will break and the goals will flow. Oh, and R.J. Umberger sounds delicious.

The official MYFO pick is the Pittsburgh Penguins in 9.

Stick-tap to Despair for the graphics. [Despair]

Now, Pittsburgh Penguins supporters are also plotting to overtake the statue , but their dastardly deed has seemingly been foiled by Philadelphia's WIP morning radio.

It's silly little pissing matches like these that escalate into senseless violence. Just look at what happened to these poor souls who were reportedly Mets fans trying to defecate on the Liberty Bell.

Can't we all just get along?

Nefarious Penguin Plot afoot: WIP promises goon squad [Phawker]

Here's the thing: Messing with the Rocky statue isn't that big of a deal. Besides some moronic old-fashioned South Philly stunods, most people who don't still live in rowhomes with plastic covered couches think this monstrosity needs to be destroyed anyway. I like Stallone, I like the movies, but that stupid cast-iron piece of pop art dogshit lost its sentimental appeal about 20 years ago and is more of a blemish for the city than anything else.

Honestly, the only people who would be really pissed off by this idiotic attempt at disrespect at this point are the Balkans. So, enjoy that war with Serbia — you might have a shot at victory over them.

Canadiens Desecrate Rocky Statue [The 700 Level]

Larry Hagman and Burt Bacharach. The last time these two were names were associated together was when they were caught snorting blow out of Joyce DeWitt's asscrack at the Playboy Mansion in 1981. Oh, to be a fly on the wall that night.

Moving on, let's get to the series between the Sharks and the Stars. Jerseys with the color cleverly named "Pacific Teal" in them versus jerseys which used to have a giant "N" on the them. Ahem.

The prevailing story heading into the series is the animosity between these two Pacific Division rivals. In the regular season finale between the squads, 160 penalty minutes were assessed, including 90 in the first period alone. Five fights took place as well, including the one below between Steve Ott and the NHL's reigning regular season assists leader Joe Thornton.

Players To Keep Your Eye On:

For the Sharks, you have to include Joe Thornton in this discussion but cannot forget about Patrick Marleau, the team captain. Perhaps the most important player in the series for the Sharks is trade deadline acquisition Brian Campbell. Upon his arrival, Campbell got red-hot, with 19 points in 20 regular season games for San Jose. His production dipped a little bit in the playoffs (3 points), but look for him to get it going again in this series. Ryane Clowe led the team with eight points in the first round series against the Flames.

For the Stars, you have to begin with The Guy Who Gets To Bang Willa Ford Whenever He Chooses, otherwise known as Mike Modano. The ageless Modano tallied five goals and six assists in eight games against the Sharks this season. The key trade deadline move for the Stars was obtaining Brad Richards from Tampa Bay, who had 11 points in 12 games for the Stars. Mike Ribeiro leads the team with eight points in the postseason. The biggest question mark for the Stars is Sergei Zubov. Out since January 17th, Zubie practiced with the team on Wednesday, so his return could be imminent.

Key Stat - Home Ice May Be A Meaningless Factor In This Series:

In splitting the season series 4-4, the visiting team won the first six games.

If I Could Determine The Stakes Of The Wagers Between The Civic Leaders of Dallas and San Jose, I Would Pick:

If the Stars win, San Jose, as the self-proclaimed "capital of Silicon Valley," would allow the Mayor of Dallas to be the first person allowed to test out Adobe Systems' poorly conceived virtual reality software, Adobe Acroscat.

If the Sharks win, the Mayor of San Jose gets all the Texas Longhorn beef he can eat while simultaneously getting his knob gobbled by a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

If I Were Forced To Select A Woman Born In Each City And Watch Them Mud Wrestle, I Would Have To Choose:

Dallas native Brooke Burns

San Jose native Sheri Moon Zombie

A YouTube Video Breakdown Of The Series By A Fan:

Look out, Kige, the Crempster is moving in on your territory.

Prediction:

Sharks in 6.

If this turtle has two faces, then this series has four. Which teams are going to show up on a given night? Will it be the Candiens team that blitzed Boston 5-0 in Game 7, and scored seemingly at will in four games of that series, or the one that struggled to put anything past Tim Thomas in the other 3? Will it be the Carey Price that had consecutive games of giving up 5 goals, or the one that had two shutouts?

For Philadelphia, will it be the tough, gritty team that opened up a 3-1 lead on Washington and closed out two overtime wins, or the one that let the Capitals back in to game after game (and the series) with sloppy play? Is it possible to preview this series entirely in question form?

Canadiens GM Bob Gainey raised a few eyebrows when he shipped Cristobal Huet to Washington at the deadline, anointing the rookie Price as the team's No. 1, and really, only, goaltender (unless you're a huge Jaroslav Halak fan). Immediate, persistent and probably unfair comparisons were made to two other rookie Montreal goaltending legends (and if I need to name them, you're probably just killing time hoping Daulerio finds another female streaker to post). Price will get his first real chance to prove Gainey right: the Flyers and Martin Biron beat Huet in the first round. If Montreal wins this series, Canadiens fans will take to the streets to demand that Price either run for Prime Minister or father a son, so that he can coach said son in a junior hockey brawl.

Other than goaltending, the real question in this series is whether Montreal's finesse-y defense can stand up to the pounding that Philly's violent and suspension-prone forwards will dole out. Here's a list recapping this season's Flyer suspensions:

Jesse Boulerice (no longer with team): 25 games
Steve Downey: 20 games
Riley Cote: 3 games
Scott Hartnell: 2 games
Randy Jones: 2 games

Mike Komisarek is really the only Montreal defender who can dish it out as well as take it, and the Canadiens do not carry a typical "enforcer" on their roster. These Canadiens are a throwback to the "Flying Frenchmen" of yesteryear — never mind that only a couple of them are actually French Canadian. They are a collection of fast, shifty, skilled 190-pound forwards, the lone "bruisers" being Alex Kovalev and sparingly used Guillaume Latendresse. Some might say that's a recipe for playoff disaster, but boy are they fun to watch when they're clicking.

The Flyers, on the other hand, are one giant bruise waiting to happen. I like them to win this series if they can tighten up the defensive zone coverage and avoid stupid penalties. Alternate, probably more accurate prediction: Montreal will win this series, thanks to their top-rated power play and Philly's propensity to take stupid penalties. Second alternate, more fun predictive tool: Which one of these girls is hotter (and trust me, it wasn't easy picking from among the collection of scary chicks that serve as Flyers Ice Girls. I think a couple of those girls could take Saku Koivu in a fight.)? Me, I'll take Montreal in 6 games.

No. 3 Washington Capitals (43-31-8, 94 Points; Last made the playoffs with a guy named Cassidy behind the bench and a guy named Jagr on the ice) vs. No. 6 Philadelphia Flyers (42-29-11, 95 Points; Hindenburg-on-skates last season)

The young lass pictured here is Stormy, who was named "Philly's Hottest Flyers Fan" two years ago by rock station WMMR and hopefully has been treated well by both time and gravity since then. Besides some welcome eye-candy — even with the presence of the Flyers jersey —she's included here to help make a salient point: That there hasn't, to my knowledge, been a competition to find the sexiest Washington Capitals fan; Google "hottest Capitals fan," and one of the first hits is for a hot-dog eating contest, which is either completely contradictory or oddly ironic.

This isn't because the Capitals don't have attractive hockey fans (they do) or that D.C. doesn't have a decent rock station (it does). It's more indicative of the seditious attitude that's uniquely Philly, and carries over to the ice in the form of this year's Flyers: Characterized as a collection of thuggish barbarians since their flurry of suspensions to start the season and through Scott Hartnell's mission to take out Sidney Crosby last week. While the focus should be on Ovechkin's first journey into the postseason spotlight, it has shifted to what dastardly tactics the Flyers will use against him and his Capitals. NBC's Pierre McGuire expects the series to be "one of the bloodiest" and "downright ugly."

Looking back at the playoff history between the teams, there will be blood. But you don't have to dip all the way back to Scott Stevens and Jeff Chychrun to measure the animosity between these two franchises; hell, Ovechkin's first NHL fight was against Mike Richards of the Flyers.

So, for a moment, let's wallow in the fantasy of crimson ice and battered bodies; of amped up crowds filled with Redskins fans and Eagles fans; of a true Patrick Division war of attrition.

Until, that is, we wake up and realize that just like every other Flyers playoff year since Ron Hextall stopped playing like an all-star, it all comes down to the goat-in-waiting between the pipes in Philly.

Key Match-Up for Washington: The Irresistible Force vs. The Immovable Object. The first stroke of bad luck the Capitals have had, at least since Nick Backstrom decided to join the Penguins for a few seconds, occurred when the Flyers jumped over Ottawa into the six hole. Washington had owned the Senators this season, and was rather evenly matched with them. Philadelphia offers some match-up problems for the Capitals: A little more offensive depth, a little more grit up front, and that infamous ferocious streak. While I don't believe this will be the rabid wolf-vs.-helpless-bunny showdown some fans think it is (two words: Donald Brashear), the Capitals will have to answer the bell against players like Steve Downie and Riley Cote.

Key Match-Up for Philadelphia: The Damper vs. Momentum. The Capitals enter this series having played a playoff game every other night since, roughly, the middle of January. I think at some point they hit the wall, and that point could very well be in Game 4 with the Flyers up 2-1 on their home ice.

Worst Case Scenario for Washington: The zebras only call one out of every three penalties against Philadelphia, Richards and Briere outscore Ovechkin and Semin, and Bob Gainey turns out to be correct that Cristobal Huet isn't a playoff goalie.

Worst Case Scenario for Philadelphia: The Capitals kick the living shit out of the Flyers in the first two games in D.C. and Marty Biron, who has as many Stanley Cup Playoff stats as Miley Cyrus, joins the long, sad history of Flyers playoff goalie flops.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Flyers in six. All due respect to the Capitals, who've had a great season, but Biron's been in a zone lately and I'll take the Flyers' forwards against the Capitals' defense. As much as we'd all like to see an Ovie/Sidney conference final...

Vital YouTubeage: Before Donald Brashear started kicking ass for the Capitals, he used to kick their asses:

No. 3 Minnesota Wild (44-28-10, 98 Points; Like Vin Diesel, bit by a Duck last season) vs. No. 6 Colorado Avalanche (44-31-7, 95 Points; Uninvited to the Playoff Pants Party)

EA Sports has already simulated this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs, but looking at Colorado's roster brought me back to those Super Nintendo (Chalmers) days. The Avs have a collection of name-talent that the computer would never let you trade for on NHL '97, so you had to release players from one team and then sign them on your team in order to construct your puck juggernaut.

Of course, this series isn't a video game and, more to the point, this isn't 1997. The Avalanche are going to attempt to win this series and the Stanley Cup with a roster anchored by a potentially-retiring Joe Sakic (39 in July) and the Porcelain Puck Messiah himself, Peter Forsberg. It's one of the most oft-quotes stats on the NHL Closer, so once more with feeling: Colorado is nearly unstoppable with Forsberg in the lineup, having gone 8-1 in the games in which he's played. He creates a killer line with Paul Stastny and Milan Hejduk, and juices what is otherwise the worst power play in hockey. Unfortunately for Colorado, his health is about as reliable as using a chewed piece of Juicy Fruit to plug a hole on the space shuttle.

As a Devils fan, I feel for Wild fans. They're still suffering through the same bullshit comments about their style of play, with the "boring hockey" cracks and the Admiral Ackbar "IT'S A TRAP!" jokes. Truth is that the Wild play an exciting brand of transition offense, peppered with offensive standouts like Marian Gaborik (seen here in rubber duckie form), Pierre-Marc Bouchard, Pavol Demitra and Brian Rolston. But convincing someone the Wild don't trap when Jacques Lemaire is still their coach is like convincing someone "The View" doesn't make your brain melt out of your nose when Elizabeth Hasselbeck is still the co-host.

Key Match-Up for Minnesota: Defenseman vs. Offensemen. The Wild are missing two key defenders to start this series: Nick Schultz (appendectomy) and Kurtis Foster, who's out for the season with a broken leg. While team defense remains paramount and Minnesota still has a capable group, facing down Sakic and Forsberg with a third of your defense on the shelf ain't cool.

Key Match-Up for Colorado: Jose Theodore vs. Minny Keepers. The NHL's comeback player of the year — and its leading spokesperson on the dangers of Propecia — has been the constant throughout Colorado's injury-ravaged season. He needs to continue to be that calming influence and steal a game in this series. Meanwhile, Niklas Backstrom will need every once of cool he has behind that depleted blueline. The good news for him is that there's no overtime skills competition in the postseason, which is also good news for the bed he usually shits when it's time for the shootout.

Worst Case Scenario for Minnesota: Peter Forsberg plays in every game, and there's only four of them.

Worst Case Scenario for Colorado: The Wild unleash their inner Hanson by playing Derek Boogaard, Chris Simon and Todd Fedoruk, and Ian Laperriere ends up in the ICU after Game 1.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Avalanche in seven. Forsberg plays in five games, and Colorado wins four of them. And no, I'm not picking this just so we can see a Detroit/Colorado second-round smackdown. OK, maybe I am.

Vital YouTubeage: Yo, this kid is pumped up for the playoffs. And he's got the Web cam to prove it:

Winner No. 1: Philadelphia Flyers. Sure, they still hold onto a lead late in the game with the buttery sausage fingers of a Jose Mesa. And yeah, Coach John Stevens probably should have been fired by now, if only for keeping Closer favorite Steve Downie in the press box lately.

But while the rest of the League was waiting for them to step aside so Ovechkin could make the playoffs, the Flyers won three in a row last week to move past Boston into seventh place. What kind of a crazy mixed-up world are we living in when Philly fans can no longer justifiably jeer Danny Briere (13 points in 11 games) or Marty Biron, who owns the Islanders more than Charlie Wang? The Beer They'd Be: An ice cold can of Blue that the Easter Bunny slams, dousing his bitterness because he ranks behind Santa, the Tooth Fairy and Hannah Montana on the beloved fictional character scale.

Winner No. 2: San Jose Sharks. The accolades have been piling up for San Jose over the last month: Hottest team in hockey, potential division champion, Home of the Brian Campbell Spin-o-Rama Whopper. I've waited my entire life for someone to refer to me as "Red-hot, healthy and loaded," and all I needed to do was go 13-0-1? During an undefeated week, the Sharks added another superlative: The Team Formally Known As Anaheim's Punching Bag (or the more familiar as T.T.F.K.A.A.P.B.). They beat the Ducks, 2-1, limiting Anaheim to just 13 shots. Gotta love Sharks fans; with Pronger suspended they needed someone new to boo every time he touched the puck, so they're like, "Fuck it: Welcome back, Teeboo Booleanne..." The Beer They'd Be: A glass of Anchor Porter, filled with the smoky goodness and complex flavors that would make a Bud Light lover like Roenick choke on his lager water.

Loser No. 1: Colorado Avalanche. Three defeats — including a 7-5 loss at Edmonton that served as the official launch party for "Operation: Cock-Tease West" — and the Denver media is polling fans on whether they want to see Colorado swept in the first round by Detroit or "get what it deserves right now, which are tee times for local golf clubs the next day after the regular season." And can someone check with IKEA to figure out the return policy on Forsberg? The Beer They'd Be: A can of Coors Light used for skeet shooting by a trust-fund baby in Aspen.

Loser No. 2: New Jersey Devils. When planning a house party, a $200 home karaoke machine with tower speakers and a built-in digital video camera is often viewed as a superfluous luxury item, akin to a vodka ice luge. It's never viewed as a necessity, especially when carrying such a hefty price tag. And then you have that one party where your buddy brings over a smokin' hot blonde, and by the end of the night all she wants to do is gyrate around the room while crooning an Appletini-and SoCo-lime-fueled cover of "I Touch Myself" ... but alas, no karaoke machine, no sexy time. Same principle applies when you're thinking about adding at the trade deadline that one last veteran who can score a momentum-changing goal, but you just won't pay the price. Lou Lamoriello didn't ante up for the $200 home karaoke machine with tower speakers and a built-in digital video camera; and the hot blonde at the top of the conference has turned tail and shacked up with some guy from Montreal. The Beer They'd Be: A Bass Ale that I weep over while listening to Bruce's "Nebraska," wondering when Elias will get healthy.

If the Playoffs Started Today. The East is all shaken up, with a Flyers/Penguins Thunderdome and a Devils/Senators snoozefest potentially in the first round. The Leafs are four out of the eighth seed, and could really throw this thing into chaos with two games against Boston and Montreal, and one game against Ottawa, still on the docket; hopefully, these games give the world more incredible hockey like Saturday's 5-4 Leafs' win over the Sens. I'm sure Toronto would like nothing more than to do this to the rest of the conference:

Ocho To 60. Unsilent covered Ovechkin hitting the big six-oh over the weekend, and there's really nothing more I can add that a picture of him receiving a hockey bukkake doesn't say better. I'd point you to Mirtle's fantastic rundown of Ovechkin's 60-goal season and where it ranks amongst the other 38 times that mark's been reached in the NHL. I can't believe we're all blowing noisemakers on Ovechkin's 60 goals when just 15 years ago five (!) players cleared that bar. Boy, what could have happened in 1993 that's prevented us from ever feeling that kind of thrill in the NHL ever since?

Puck Headlines

* I think Jarome Iginla has as legitimate a claim to the Hart Trophy as Ovechkin does. But I agree with Jimmy Jazz: Malkin can bugger off. [Tic Tac Toe Hockey]

* If you haven't seen Jarkko Ruutu's soccer-dribble pass that nearly resulted in a goal, it's been named "Reason #2,178 to Love Hockey." Reason #2,179? You guessed it: Wade Belak. [Shakedown Sports]

* It's the college hockey mascots game! Finally, it appears an altar boy has been given a chance to exploit someone else's five-hole for once. [Is Today a Zoo Day?]

* The Rangers/Islanders game at Yankee Stadium was a done deal. And then it wasn't. [Going Five Hole]

* Finally, it's the final day of voting for Puck That Hit's "Who Has the Hottest Ice Girls?" contest, and Chicago's "Ice Crew" appears to have an insurmountable lead in pledged delegates. But I implore you to give Dallas's Ice Girls a reasonable vetting. Yes, there are some members who look like they may have fired the T-shirt cannon while looking through the barrel. But you have to respect any athletic supporters that introduce themselves with a bikini-clad video and let puckheads in the cheapies get a squeeze:

Clare, get a Flyers chant going on while I'm gone.

Nent-nent-nen-nen-nent.

Hotter Than a Flaming Cheesesteak. The Flyers didn't play last night, but that doesn't stop Philadelphia from topping The Closer for two reasons: (1) Riley Cote became the fifth member of his team suspended this season (meaning the Flyers filled their 'free donut' punch card), and more important, (2) a zamboni caught fire in suburban Aston. (And, no, I don't mean a member of "North America's all-hockey band!!!!" although that would be good, too, if set to Hockey Monkey.) Shudder.

And the Award for the Goaltender Whose Name Sounds the Most Like Someone Clearing Their Throat Goes to ... With the French guy out with a groin tweak and the kid from Bill's Puddle bedridden with the Canadian flu, the Habs called up Jaroslav Halak to save the day tonight against the Detroit Red Wings. That's a bit of a step up from what he was up to with the Hamilton Bulldogs.

Money Can't Buy You Goals. The Rangers reverted to their spendthrift ways in the off-season, but bringing in Scott Gomez and Chris Drury for a combined $87-million over 12 years and spending little on defence and goaltending has seen them become the team with the second-worst offence (and best defence) in the NHL this season. Last night, the small-market Hurricanes fed the Blueshirts their lunch money with a 4-0 win that saw the sentient being who has replaced Cory Stillman score two goals and move into seventh place in league scoring.

Gretzky's Pact With Satan Expires. I honestly can't explain to you good folks why the Phoenix Coyotes aren't hockey's Miami Dolphins right now. This is the worst roster to take the ice since Emilio 'Flying V' Estevez's last stint behind the bench, but coach Wayne Gretzky somehow coaxed these Desert Dogs to a 11-10 start this season with the help of some magic muppets. (The green one's Keith Ballard.) Thankfully, instead of rolling around in the slop in Pittsburgh, Phoenix simply lost 3-1 last night to Pittsburgh, the team's fourth defeat in a row. Order has been restored, no thanks to Miroslav (or Naked Dom).

Actually, they're more like Lego-building exercises.

The Philadelphia Flyers spent two days in Whistler performing that most empty of corporate, soul-sucking BS: teambuilding. They even worked together connecting hundreds of Lego pieces in an attempt to define their unity as a team.

Lego pieces. To define their unity as team. Somewhere, a human resources professional named Mindy is extremely aroused.

We love — LOVE — the idea of sports teams going off on Unity Building Corporate Retreats. Seriously, who wouldn't want to see Shaq do a trust fall?

Flyers Just Like You And I: Trapped In A Banal Existence [Orland Kurtenblog]

Flyers fans unofficially set a Guinness world record by getting 9,315 fans to wear orange wigs during the game, breaking the old mark of 6,213 set in a Detroit Pistons game in 2004. "It's a step in the right direction," said Flyers coach John Stevens

This season's gonna suck, isn't it?

Don't wig out: Flyers win [Courier Post, via]

*Unless you have cancer.

Hockey hasn't seen a hit like that since Trent made little Wayne's head bleed. Just a straight-up shoulder to the jaw at full-speed. Ooompf. That looks like a man who's going to need help tying his shoes for a week or two.

I just don't believe that he's "fine." There's got to be at least a slight concussion. But it's the Stanley Cup Playoffs... a guy could have open-heart surgery after the first period, and insist on being back in the line-up for the third. And no coach is ever, ever, ever going to let on about an injury.

Game on, eh?

BRIAN CAMPBELL DESTROYS RJ UMBERGER OMFG I DIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!1 [YouTube]

In fact, Jones has long been considered Yoko to Gretzky's Lennon. She is perceived as having steered him away of The Great White North and toward Hollywood and all America's excess. (By "excess," we mean "Police Academy sequels.") And now she has him gambling in Vegas and on horses but, uh, nowhere else while she puts down $100K in bets herself.

We'd like to note that Jones' personal spokesperson is a man named Elliot Mintz. You might recognize that name as — yep — Yoko Ono's publicist.

And hey, he's the Hilton sisters' too.

Troubled Gretzky Heading to Turin [ABC News]

First off, Wayne Gretzky, who didn't exactly have his wife's back from the get-go, has been caught, according to the Newark Star-Ledger, on wiretaps discussing the gambling. On the tapes, he appears fully aware of his wife's role. As Off Wing puts it, "This is like seeing Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron thrown into the dock." Remember, we're talking about Wayne Gretzky here. You can also expect many calls for him to recuse himself from his involvement with the Olympic team soon. (Oh, here's a rundown of Ms. Jones' "career.")

As for the Unabookie himself, Rick "The Rick" Toucchet, he's taking an immediate leave from the Coyotes and is expected to be arraigned in the next week. Tocchet's lawyer says, "Mr. Tocchet intends to fight these charges with the same grit and resolve he displayed throughout his long and illustrious NHL career." That is to say, he's going to hit the charges with a stick when they're not looking.

Tocchet Plans to Fight Charges [Washington Post]
Gretzky Caught On Gambling Wiretap [Off Wing Opinion]
Gretzky: Janet Who? [Puck Update]

(UPDATE: The Arizona Republic is reporting that Coyotes GM Mike Barnett made wagers with the Unabookie. Hoo boy.)

It's not just hoping that Tocchet's mob name was "The Rick." It could bust the lid off rumblings of gambling that have been simmering under the surface of the league for years. SI.com has an excellent rundown of what's at stake here, and it's not just Wayne Gretzky's apparent confusion that his wife was allegedly making bets with his friend and assistant coach. The NHL is saying it's disturbed but points out that no one was gambling on hockey. But, if you've watched "The Sopranos," you know all about RICO statutes, and the doors that can be opened once an investigation starts. And it's going to be extremely difficult to shut them.

The NHL is about to get itself rocked. It has been a difficult year-and-a-half for the league, and it's gonna get worse. Bruise Brother, indeed.

Defining Moment [SI.com]
The Real Issue [Off Wing Opinion]

Tocchet appears to have taken the moniker to heart. The New Jersey state attorney general has charged Toucchet — now an assistant coach with the Coyotes; he took over as head coach when Wayne Gretzky left the team earlier this year — with promoting gambling, money laundering and conspiracy in accordance with "mob-related activities."

Tocchet, one of the most popular players in Flyers history, is alleged to have helped to finance the gambling ring, which implicated "about a dozen" (unnamed) current NHL players. So far, they haven't uncovered any hockey gambling — just football and baseball — but the investigation is, as they say, ongoing.

And hey, just more than a month until "The Sopranos." We're currently halfway through Season 4 in our quest to rewatch everything and get caught up.

Ex-Flyer Tied To National Gambling Ring [NBC 10]

(UPDATE: Hoo boy: A Philly news station says that Mark Recchi and Janet Jones are also reportedly involved. You might also know Jones as "Wayne Gretzky's wife." This story is about blow up very huge. Do stay tuned.)