A lot of clutching and grabbing but nothing really good happened, although Rivet and Carcillo made up for it when they went at it again during the second period.

Carcillo ultimately received a 10-minute game misconduct penalty after the second fight, but if you ask me, it was worth it. You can't leave the hometown fans disappointed and wanting more, but it would have been cooler if when he was getting escorted off the ice, Carciillo would have busted out a "Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?" speech. Actually, that would have been pretty lame, so forget that idea.

Fight Video: Carcillo vs. Rivet is the undercard and main event [Puck Daddy]
Connolly the key as Sabres double up Flyers [NHL.com]

Ouch. Come on, Briere, don't bother starting a fight if you're not going to throw some punches. If all two players are going to do is grapple, fall on the ice and wait for the referees to separate them, what's the point? NHL fans should not have to be subjected to this kind of rubbish. Don't we have to put up with enough already?

Obviously, this is all Gary Bettman's fault. Screw that guy.

When the Flyers' Mike Richards blindsided the Panthers' David Booth last night, the media instantly began revving up their outrage. "Suspension!" they call. "Villain!" they cry. And why not? A brutal hit like that, which ends with a player unconscious in a pool of his own blood, appears to be a graphic illustration of what's wrong with hockey.

But let's rein things in for a moment. Before you join the lynch mob outside the Wachovia Center, there are a couple things to consider:

•These stories are always going to be played up when it's a promising young player who's injured. If that's, say, Dominic Moore being carted off, and not superstar-in-the-making David Booth, we're not seeing nearly as much outrage today.

•Also feeding the hype is the fact that this happened at the hands of a Flyer. It's been almost 40 years since the birth of the Broad Street Bullies, but that label's stuck. There's always a tendency to blame something like this on a culture of dirty play in Philadelphia, even if it's an isolated thing. But it's fun and easy to dredge up past incidents, and try to fit this in as part of a pattern.

Also worth noting: Richards didn't leave his feet for the hit, and none of this would have happened if Booth hadn't had his head down - that's a youth hockey mistake.

Booth didn't suffer any neck injuries, and remains in a Philadelphia hospital for observation. Let's all hope he recovers quickly, suspend Richards for a game or two, and move on. It's fucking hockey, people.

UPDATE: No suspension.

Florida Panthers, David Booth Receive Heavy Blow In Defeat [Miami Herald]
Hit Mars Flyers' 5-1 Victory Over Panthers [Philly Inquirer]

•You might be hearing about this a little later on this morning, if your esteemed editor ever wakes up. The Phillies are heading back to the World Series after disposing of the Dodgers in five games. Is Daulerio excited? Let's just say Center City Philadelphia isn't the only one with a greased pole right about now.

•Patrick Crayton is a little ticked his coaches didn't tell him before the media that Miles Austin usurped his starting role. With more yards and TDs in a single week than Crayton's had all season, I thought this is one of those things that didn't need to be said.

•Also mad at management: Cedric Benson says the Bears tried to blackball him from football after his two arrests. Funny, I thought it was his incompetence at football before his two arrests that did it.

•FOX is adding Ozzie Guillen as an analyst for the World Series. Given his unrivaled ability to string together profanities, we might see the first 70-second delay.

•A dozen members of the Browns have come down with the flu, and the NFL will allow them special roster provisions to restock the depleted positions. Unfortunately, both quarterbacks are perfectly healthy.

•Yes, I know we're bloggers, but we would never make like one San Antonio blogger who brought cookies to the locker room for Manu Ginobli. This blog only reports on personalities caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

•Finally, via Fark, we get a 12-year-old on the receiving end of a Taekwondo KTFO:

At the end of Pittsburgh's 5-4 win over the Flyers, Letang and Hartnell got into a scrum along the boards. As of yet we don't have the definitive camera angle, but Letang came out of it showing the ref his fingers, and appeared to mouth "he bit me."

Penguins coach Dan Bylsma was incensed, and after the game Letang offered only curt replies to reporters:

We'll stay on this, so please send any visual evidence our way.

This does not count:

Philly fans aren't necessarily as bad as the reputation that precedes them, however stories like this certainly don't help.

As for the stabbing, this is the story told to the 700 Level.

When we got back to the The Arena bowling alley in the Northeast, there were cop cars everywhere and a big brawl taking place. These were all Flyers fans fighting. I don't know why. I guess drinking all day had something to do with it? Anyway, some guy comes walking by with his buddy screaming, "Call an ambulance!" He had been stabbed and his intestines were literally hanging out! There was blood everywhere. We were just a little freaked out and didn't want to be stabbed so we left.

Well hopefully there's some exaggeration in that description, regardless, it doesn't paint a pretty picture of fans who should have been celebrating a win over a rival.

The NHL is hiring an outside firm to investigate whether Chicago and Philadelphia's respective signings of Marian Hossa and Chris Pronger are illegally designed to circumvent the salary cap. Because cap rules are the most convoluted rules in sports, and you need an advanced economics degree to understand them, here's the CliffsNotes version.

Hossa signed a 12-year deal with the Blackhawks, a ridiculous length for a 30-year-old. But there could be method to the madness. The first eight years of the deal pay Hossa $7.9 million annually, while the final four years only pay $1 million per year.

The potential violation is if Chicago took into account that Hossa is likely to retire around age 38, a pretty likely projection. Then he essentially has an 8-year, $8-million-per deal, but because the annual cap hit is calculated by averaging over the length of the contract, that's only about $5 million per year. He wins, the team wins.

Pronger's deal with the Flyers pays him about $7.5 million annually in the first four years, $4 million in the fifth year and then $525,000 in each of the last two years. That puts the cap hit under $5 million, freeing them up to spend more money.

You can't sign your players to contracts you don't expect them to honor, by retirement or otherwise. The teams could face fines and loss of draft picks, but don't expect any punishments. Similar deals have been vetted in the past, and many GM's believe the league is just posturing. Serves them right: you put a loophole in your CBA, and someone's going to exploit it.

Sources: Hossa, Pronger Deals Probed [ESPN]

Holmgren spoke to reporter Wayne Fish of the Bucks County Courier Times (We are. CR.) about where the Flyers need to improve next year and he puts discipline on and off the ice high on that to-do list.

That's a natural maturation process that a lot of our younger players are still going through. We've addressed that. So am I concerned about it? We'll see how it goes this year. All our players have been talked to about it. Is it an issue? The fact that we've talked about it, I guess it is an issue."

But if it's an issue of wins and losses as opposed to the usual please-don't-have-a-photo-of-you-covered-in-magic-marker-penises-pop-up-online, Flyers blogger RonnyBrook did some number-crunching to track the team's record on Friday, Saturday, and Sundays of last year. Winning percentage on "hangover" days? .568. Work days? .500

So flawed logic dictates that in order for the Flyers to do some serious damage in the playoffs next season, they need to start incorporating some Tuesday/Wednesday benders into their gametime preparation. Oh and doesn't the signing of Ray Emery make so much more sense now?

Flyers' Partying Ways Were An Issue For Management [Puck Daddy]
Your Hard Partying Philadelphia Flyers [Ronnybrook]
Philadelphia Flyers Pop Collars, Crash Frat Party [SBB]

Ladislav "Laddie" Scurko confessed to police that he murdered Slovakian referee Marek Liptaj, a crime he would have gotten away with had they not found the body a few months ago in a forest. While it doesn't say who found it, I'll go out on a limb and credit Slovakian wood nymphs.

Let us count the ways how this story is batshit goofy:

• In January 2008, while playing for the Slovak team HC Kosice, Scurko apparently stabbed Liptaj 15 times, then buried him.

• Not sure where this information came from, so it's best to just repeat it: Liptaj owed Scurko some money and wasn't entirely punctual in paying up.

• Laddie was drafted by the Flyers in 2006. (In all fairness, you may remember they did pass on Bernie Goetz back in the 80s.)

• And after all that — ALL THAT — he's only looking at 15 to 20 years in prison. So let this be a lesson to you aspiring serial killers. Do it in Eastern Europe. For a twist, make them politically motivated.

(His nickname, to my recollection, is not Laddie, but hey, he killed a guy, so I can call him whatever the hell I want. To me, that's a fair trade.)

Ex-Flyers Prospect Accused In Ref Murder [Philly Inquirer]
Murder In Slovakia [Cult of Hockey]

Sixers down 18 (what?) win in last 2 seconds. Flyers beat the Penguins. Raul Ibanez walks off for the Phillies. It would have been nice to be in the 215 on Sunday. [The 700 Level]

Anyway, for those of you who did not check out Deadspin over the weekend you missed a shit-ton. First, there was Moe's spectacular editorial spin, where she gained new fans, friends and support from our readers. Ahem. I got the Millen story right. (Pasquarelli wrong, but who's counting!) Tommy Craggs shared the truth about Dustin Pedroia. Most amazing turn of events? The Deadspin/Jezebel commenting communities have fallen avatar-over-heels in love with each other. It's like fucking eHarmony over here.

Good morning. It's Monday. Back to business:

Here are some current (and real) proposition bets available for the Flyers' season opener against the Rangers, and their payoff odds:

Will Sarah Palin Fall while dropping the Puck at the Philadelphia Flyers Home Opener?
Yes 10/1

Will Sarah Palin get in a Donnybrook with the Flyers Captain at Center Ice?
Yes 100,000/1

Will Sarah Palin get Booed more or Cheered more when introduced onto the Ice at the Flyers Home Opener?
Booed -130
Cheered -110

Will Sarah Palin wear a Philadelphia Flyers jersey at Center Ice?
Yes Even
No -140

The line on booing at any Philly event is always moving fast, so get some action going. Take that one and parlay it with the over on game misconduct penalties from Ron Hextall's ghost and you'll be able to pay for your own bridge to nowhere.

• Hockey Props [Bodog]

Snider is a very generous GOP donor who also helped bankroll the pro-war ad campaign Freedom Watch, which has always touched a nerve with some of the liberal-minded hockey fans in the city. Now, Philly Daily News columnist/blogger Will Bunch is calling for hockey fans — both liberals and conservatives alike — to protest Snider's choice when Palin shuffled out to center ice this Saturday:

Flyers fans should be outraged — even conservative ones, because this misuse of a hockey game for his political agenda is flat out wrong. I don't think that Philadelphia fans should boo — we're all getting a little tired of that stereotype, eh — or act as rude as the people at Palin's rallies, but I do think that anyone who's as offended by this as I am should stand up Saturday night and turn their back on Sarah Palin, and especially turn their back on Ed Snider.

And send Snider a message to take his politics off of Philadelphia's sacred hockey ice and back to the privacy of his his mansion on the Main Line, where it belongs.

This is precisely the reason Palin shouldn't be anywhere near the Wachovia Center, regardless of how "good" she's been for hockey during the campaign trail. If columnists are already calling for some sort of silly protest, there's already a level of unnecessary tension overshadowing the game. Most people want to go to sporting events so they don't have to think about the messy stuff that goes on in the real world. Regardless if this is done for legitimate promotional reasons, it's a little too close to the election to have one of its most visible figures sitting in the stands at the game let alone sashaying out to center ice.

Sarah Palin and Ed Snider's game misconduct [Philly.com]

Sure, the Flyers eventually knuckled under to the Penguins' explosive attack after getting up early, but they're clearly just setting up the Pens like they did to the Caps and the Habs. Philly has lost the opener in each of its three series this postseason. The Pens have even gone as far as to crib the Canadiens defacing of the Rocky statue. just leave that Barkley statue alone! Oof. It's all so eerily similar.

With Kimmo Timonen out for the series, the Flyers weren't able to impose the physicality they're going to need to keep Evgeni Malkin, Sid Crisby and Marian Hossa in check. Malkin picked up two goals in five minutes, including his first career short-handed goal, to break Philly's back. If only the Flyers can draw some inspiration from funereal chants to get going.

Last night also marked the debut of Canadia's most conservative dresser, Don Cherry, on ESPN's hockey coverage. All for naught, though, as he said the Flyers' play spoiled his hot pink finery. Thanks a lot, Flyers.

Suddenly Keyshawn Johnson looks downright dowdy.

Elitism: It's Lonely at the Top. But it's Comforting to Look Down Upon Everyone at the Bottom. Man, talk about crushing expectations. You're Sidney Crosby, and somewhere along the line an irreverent hockey blog dubs you "Hockey Jesus." It's not that the moniker isn't well-deserved. That doesn't scare you, as you lead the league in playoff points despite only playing nine games. You don't mind the holy press and the righteous comparisons. What scares you is the Truth, and it's not going to take a Dan Brown novel to let it leak.

It's true. God IS actually your dad.

All of your Father's Creation was designed solely so that you could win a Stanley Cup. In Heaven, somewhere in his massive study, he's got a mantle where he'd like to place all of his greatest achievements. You know what, Son? There's an empty space atop that flawless marble shelf, between the first Wheel and Pizza Bagels. Wouldn't a Stanley Cup look AWESOME right there? The Man froze both polar caps just so you'd have a pond to hone your skills upon. He promised Atlanta GM Don Waddell a free ticket to Heaven in exchange for Marian Hossa. He granted an Everlasting Life ticket to Sergei Gonchar, whose 83-year-old body is still playing an impressive 25 minutes per game. Sidney, you need to take it from here. You have two choices. Beat the Flyers, or prepare to die for all man's sins.

Ignorance: It's Amazing How Much Easier it is For a Team to Work Together When No One Has Any Idea Where They're Going. Enter the ESPN.com experts. It's a motley collection of SportsCenter anchors, mullets, pasty dot-com columnists and a dude named Amber. In the first round, only Barry Melrose picked the Flyers to knock off Washington. In Round 2, only John Buccigross voted for America to defeat Canada. Round 3? Six out of six casual sports media personalities agree: Stanley Cup Final tickets will be on sale in Pittsburgh in a few weeks.

Now Philly no doubt appreciates the back-handed compliment that it will be seven games before the Pens can dispatch of their cross-state rivals (Six games, Burnside? Fall on a skate blade, pal.) However, if John Stevens finds a way to make this bulletin board material (Derian Hatcher suggests stapling his laptop to the wall), there are a few factors that may cut the Second Coming short. Marty Biron has stolen games in each of the past two series. Kimmo Timonen has played with all the audacity of a premier blue liner, keeping the puck in the zone on power plays and shutting down the opposition's leading scorer. And Jeff Carter of all people, has seemed a step faster than just about everyone in these playoffs. At some point, that dam will break and the goals will flow. Oh, and R.J. Umberger sounds delicious.

The official MYFO pick is the Pittsburgh Penguins in 9.

Stick-tap to Despair for the graphics. [Despair]

Now, Pittsburgh Penguins supporters are also plotting to overtake the statue , but their dastardly deed has seemingly been foiled by Philadelphia's WIP morning radio.

It's silly little pissing matches like these that escalate into senseless violence. Just look at what happened to these poor souls who were reportedly Mets fans trying to defecate on the Liberty Bell.

Can't we all just get along?

Nefarious Penguin Plot afoot: WIP promises goon squad [Phawker]

Here's the thing: Messing with the Rocky statue isn't that big of a deal. Besides some moronic old-fashioned South Philly stunods, most people who don't still live in rowhomes with plastic covered couches think this monstrosity needs to be destroyed anyway. I like Stallone, I like the movies, but that stupid cast-iron piece of pop art dogshit lost its sentimental appeal about 20 years ago and is more of a blemish for the city than anything else.

Honestly, the only people who would be really pissed off by this idiotic attempt at disrespect at this point are the Balkans. So, enjoy that war with Serbia — you might have a shot at victory over them.

Canadiens Desecrate Rocky Statue [The 700 Level]

Larry Hagman and Burt Bacharach. The last time these two were names were associated together was when they were caught snorting blow out of Joyce DeWitt's asscrack at the Playboy Mansion in 1981. Oh, to be a fly on the wall that night.

Moving on, let's get to the series between the Sharks and the Stars. Jerseys with the color cleverly named "Pacific Teal" in them versus jerseys which used to have a giant "N" on the them. Ahem.

The prevailing story heading into the series is the animosity between these two Pacific Division rivals. In the regular season finale between the squads, 160 penalty minutes were assessed, including 90 in the first period alone. Five fights took place as well, including the one below between Steve Ott and the NHL's reigning regular season assists leader Joe Thornton.

Players To Keep Your Eye On:

For the Sharks, you have to include Joe Thornton in this discussion but cannot forget about Patrick Marleau, the team captain. Perhaps the most important player in the series for the Sharks is trade deadline acquisition Brian Campbell. Upon his arrival, Campbell got red-hot, with 19 points in 20 regular season games for San Jose. His production dipped a little bit in the playoffs (3 points), but look for him to get it going again in this series. Ryane Clowe led the team with eight points in the first round series against the Flames.

For the Stars, you have to begin with The Guy Who Gets To Bang Willa Ford Whenever He Chooses, otherwise known as Mike Modano. The ageless Modano tallied five goals and six assists in eight games against the Sharks this season. The key trade deadline move for the Stars was obtaining Brad Richards from Tampa Bay, who had 11 points in 12 games for the Stars. Mike Ribeiro leads the team with eight points in the postseason. The biggest question mark for the Stars is Sergei Zubov. Out since January 17th, Zubie practiced with the team on Wednesday, so his return could be imminent.

Key Stat - Home Ice May Be A Meaningless Factor In This Series:

In splitting the season series 4-4, the visiting team won the first six games.

If I Could Determine The Stakes Of The Wagers Between The Civic Leaders of Dallas and San Jose, I Would Pick:

If the Stars win, San Jose, as the self-proclaimed "capital of Silicon Valley," would allow the Mayor of Dallas to be the first person allowed to test out Adobe Systems' poorly conceived virtual reality software, Adobe Acroscat.

If the Sharks win, the Mayor of San Jose gets all the Texas Longhorn beef he can eat while simultaneously getting his knob gobbled by a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

If I Were Forced To Select A Woman Born In Each City And Watch Them Mud Wrestle, I Would Have To Choose:

Dallas native Brooke Burns

San Jose native Sheri Moon Zombie

A YouTube Video Breakdown Of The Series By A Fan:

Look out, Kige, the Crempster is moving in on your territory.

Prediction:

Sharks in 6.

If this turtle has two faces, then this series has four. Which teams are going to show up on a given night? Will it be the Candiens team that blitzed Boston 5-0 in Game 7, and scored seemingly at will in four games of that series, or the one that struggled to put anything past Tim Thomas in the other 3? Will it be the Carey Price that had consecutive games of giving up 5 goals, or the one that had two shutouts?

For Philadelphia, will it be the tough, gritty team that opened up a 3-1 lead on Washington and closed out two overtime wins, or the one that let the Capitals back in to game after game (and the series) with sloppy play? Is it possible to preview this series entirely in question form?

Canadiens GM Bob Gainey raised a few eyebrows when he shipped Cristobal Huet to Washington at the deadline, anointing the rookie Price as the team's No. 1, and really, only, goaltender (unless you're a huge Jaroslav Halak fan). Immediate, persistent and probably unfair comparisons were made to two other rookie Montreal goaltending legends (and if I need to name them, you're probably just killing time hoping Daulerio finds another female streaker to post). Price will get his first real chance to prove Gainey right: the Flyers and Martin Biron beat Huet in the first round. If Montreal wins this series, Canadiens fans will take to the streets to demand that Price either run for Prime Minister or father a son, so that he can coach said son in a junior hockey brawl.

Other than goaltending, the real question in this series is whether Montreal's finesse-y defense can stand up to the pounding that Philly's violent and suspension-prone forwards will dole out. Here's a list recapping this season's Flyer suspensions:

Jesse Boulerice (no longer with team): 25 games
Steve Downey: 20 games
Riley Cote: 3 games
Scott Hartnell: 2 games
Randy Jones: 2 games

Mike Komisarek is really the only Montreal defender who can dish it out as well as take it, and the Canadiens do not carry a typical "enforcer" on their roster. These Canadiens are a throwback to the "Flying Frenchmen" of yesteryear — never mind that only a couple of them are actually French Canadian. They are a collection of fast, shifty, skilled 190-pound forwards, the lone "bruisers" being Alex Kovalev and sparingly used Guillaume Latendresse. Some might say that's a recipe for playoff disaster, but boy are they fun to watch when they're clicking.

The Flyers, on the other hand, are one giant bruise waiting to happen. I like them to win this series if they can tighten up the defensive zone coverage and avoid stupid penalties. Alternate, probably more accurate prediction: Montreal will win this series, thanks to their top-rated power play and Philly's propensity to take stupid penalties. Second alternate, more fun predictive tool: Which one of these girls is hotter (and trust me, it wasn't easy picking from among the collection of scary chicks that serve as Flyers Ice Girls. I think a couple of those girls could take Saku Koivu in a fight.)? Me, I'll take Montreal in 6 games.

No. 3 Washington Capitals (43-31-8, 94 Points; Last made the playoffs with a guy named Cassidy behind the bench and a guy named Jagr on the ice) vs. No. 6 Philadelphia Flyers (42-29-11, 95 Points; Hindenburg-on-skates last season)

The young lass pictured here is Stormy, who was named "Philly's Hottest Flyers Fan" two years ago by rock station WMMR and hopefully has been treated well by both time and gravity since then. Besides some welcome eye-candy — even with the presence of the Flyers jersey —she's included here to help make a salient point: That there hasn't, to my knowledge, been a competition to find the sexiest Washington Capitals fan; Google "hottest Capitals fan," and one of the first hits is for a hot-dog eating contest, which is either completely contradictory or oddly ironic.

This isn't because the Capitals don't have attractive hockey fans (they do) or that D.C. doesn't have a decent rock station (it does). It's more indicative of the seditious attitude that's uniquely Philly, and carries over to the ice in the form of this year's Flyers: Characterized as a collection of thuggish barbarians since their flurry of suspensions to start the season and through Scott Hartnell's mission to take out Sidney Crosby last week. While the focus should be on Ovechkin's first journey into the postseason spotlight, it has shifted to what dastardly tactics the Flyers will use against him and his Capitals. NBC's Pierre McGuire expects the series to be "one of the bloodiest" and "downright ugly."

Looking back at the playoff history between the teams, there will be blood. But you don't have to dip all the way back to Scott Stevens and Jeff Chychrun to measure the animosity between these two franchises; hell, Ovechkin's first NHL fight was against Mike Richards of the Flyers.

So, for a moment, let's wallow in the fantasy of crimson ice and battered bodies; of amped up crowds filled with Redskins fans and Eagles fans; of a true Patrick Division war of attrition.

Until, that is, we wake up and realize that just like every other Flyers playoff year since Ron Hextall stopped playing like an all-star, it all comes down to the goat-in-waiting between the pipes in Philly.

Key Match-Up for Washington: The Irresistible Force vs. The Immovable Object. The first stroke of bad luck the Capitals have had, at least since Nick Backstrom decided to join the Penguins for a few seconds, occurred when the Flyers jumped over Ottawa into the six hole. Washington had owned the Senators this season, and was rather evenly matched with them. Philadelphia offers some match-up problems for the Capitals: A little more offensive depth, a little more grit up front, and that infamous ferocious streak. While I don't believe this will be the rabid wolf-vs.-helpless-bunny showdown some fans think it is (two words: Donald Brashear), the Capitals will have to answer the bell against players like Steve Downie and Riley Cote.

Key Match-Up for Philadelphia: The Damper vs. Momentum. The Capitals enter this series having played a playoff game every other night since, roughly, the middle of January. I think at some point they hit the wall, and that point could very well be in Game 4 with the Flyers up 2-1 on their home ice.

Worst Case Scenario for Washington: The zebras only call one out of every three penalties against Philadelphia, Richards and Briere outscore Ovechkin and Semin, and Bob Gainey turns out to be correct that Cristobal Huet isn't a playoff goalie.

Worst Case Scenario for Philadelphia: The Capitals kick the living shit out of the Flyers in the first two games in D.C. and Marty Biron, who has as many Stanley Cup Playoff stats as Miley Cyrus, joins the long, sad history of Flyers playoff goalie flops.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Flyers in six. All due respect to the Capitals, who've had a great season, but Biron's been in a zone lately and I'll take the Flyers' forwards against the Capitals' defense. As much as we'd all like to see an Ovie/Sidney conference final...

Vital YouTubeage: Before Donald Brashear started kicking ass for the Capitals, he used to kick their asses:

No. 3 Minnesota Wild (44-28-10, 98 Points; Like Vin Diesel, bit by a Duck last season) vs. No. 6 Colorado Avalanche (44-31-7, 95 Points; Uninvited to the Playoff Pants Party)

EA Sports has already simulated this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs, but looking at Colorado's roster brought me back to those Super Nintendo (Chalmers) days. The Avs have a collection of name-talent that the computer would never let you trade for on NHL '97, so you had to release players from one team and then sign them on your team in order to construct your puck juggernaut.

Of course, this series isn't a video game and, more to the point, this isn't 1997. The Avalanche are going to attempt to win this series and the Stanley Cup with a roster anchored by a potentially-retiring Joe Sakic (39 in July) and the Porcelain Puck Messiah himself, Peter Forsberg. It's one of the most oft-quotes stats on the NHL Closer, so once more with feeling: Colorado is nearly unstoppable with Forsberg in the lineup, having gone 8-1 in the games in which he's played. He creates a killer line with Paul Stastny and Milan Hejduk, and juices what is otherwise the worst power play in hockey. Unfortunately for Colorado, his health is about as reliable as using a chewed piece of Juicy Fruit to plug a hole on the space shuttle.

As a Devils fan, I feel for Wild fans. They're still suffering through the same bullshit comments about their style of play, with the "boring hockey" cracks and the Admiral Ackbar "IT'S A TRAP!" jokes. Truth is that the Wild play an exciting brand of transition offense, peppered with offensive standouts like Marian Gaborik (seen here in rubber duckie form), Pierre-Marc Bouchard, Pavol Demitra and Brian Rolston. But convincing someone the Wild don't trap when Jacques Lemaire is still their coach is like convincing someone "The View" doesn't make your brain melt out of your nose when Elizabeth Hasselbeck is still the co-host.

Key Match-Up for Minnesota: Defenseman vs. Offensemen. The Wild are missing two key defenders to start this series: Nick Schultz (appendectomy) and Kurtis Foster, who's out for the season with a broken leg. While team defense remains paramount and Minnesota still has a capable group, facing down Sakic and Forsberg with a third of your defense on the shelf ain't cool.

Key Match-Up for Colorado: Jose Theodore vs. Minny Keepers. The NHL's comeback player of the year — and its leading spokesperson on the dangers of Propecia — has been the constant throughout Colorado's injury-ravaged season. He needs to continue to be that calming influence and steal a game in this series. Meanwhile, Niklas Backstrom will need every once of cool he has behind that depleted blueline. The good news for him is that there's no overtime skills competition in the postseason, which is also good news for the bed he usually shits when it's time for the shootout.

Worst Case Scenario for Minnesota: Peter Forsberg plays in every game, and there's only four of them.

Worst Case Scenario for Colorado: The Wild unleash their inner Hanson by playing Derek Boogaard, Chris Simon and Todd Fedoruk, and Ian Laperriere ends up in the ICU after Game 1.

Well, If You're Going To Twist My Arm: Avalanche in seven. Forsberg plays in five games, and Colorado wins four of them. And no, I'm not picking this just so we can see a Detroit/Colorado second-round smackdown. OK, maybe I am.

Vital YouTubeage: Yo, this kid is pumped up for the playoffs. And he's got the Web cam to prove it: