Phillies To Start Serving Hard Liquor And Wine To Fans

Good news for Phillies fans who would like to increase their chances at catching vomit spray from some drunk goon at a ballgame this year: For the first time ever, the team will be selling wine and cocktails on the main concourse at Citizens Bank Park. » 3/31/15 2:50pm Tuesday 2:50pm

A.J. Burnett Gave Up $4.25 Million To Get Off The Phillies

A.J. Burnett will rejoin the Pirates, signing a one-year deal that will pay him $8.5 million. Getting that figure is crucial, because now we can put an exact dollar amount on Burnett's desire to get out of Philadelphia and back to Pittsburgh. » 11/14/14 3:58pm 11/14/14 3:58pm

The Phillies Would Love To Trade Ryan Howard

GM Ruben Amaro took two major actions at Philadelphia's organizational meetings last week. One was to distribute to all baseball personnel a handbook titled "The Phillies Way." (Do not attempt to actually read "The Phillies Way." It'll be like opening the Ark of the Covenant and your face will melt or explode.) The… » 11/04/14 2:22pm 11/04/14 2:22pm

Phillies Fans Mimic Craig Kimbrel's Stance To Mess With Him

Braves closer Craig Kimbrel has an odd stance before he pitches. He hunches over and stretches his arms out, resembling a bird of prey defending itself. As he worked in the ninth inning last night, Phillies fans behind home plate decided to imitate his habit. From the view on the pitching mound, it looked really funny. » 9/28/14 10:19am 9/28/14 10:19am

Papelboned: Dong Grab Earns Phillies Closer Seven-Game Ban

MLB announced tonight that Jonathan Papelbon will be suspended seven games for grabbing his penis toward booing Phillies fans, which is a sentence I consider it a privilege to have been able to write. » 9/15/14 9:31pm 9/15/14 9:31pm

Jonathan Papelbon Ejected For Grabbing Crotch At Booing Phillies Fans

Phillies reliever Jonathan Papelbon has never been a crowd favorite in Philadelphia, and when fans at Citizens Bank Park booed him off the field for blowing a three-run ninth inning lead to the Marlins he recognized their display by grabbing his dick. » 9/14/14 5:00pm 9/14/14 5:00pm

Watch Joe Panik's Pinkie Disappear As He Slides Into Second Base

Giants rookie Joe Panik was the unwilling participant in a magic trick when he slid into second during Sunday's game against the Phillies. Now you see his pinkie finger, and now—oh, shit. » 8/18/14 4:08pm 8/18/14 4:08pm

Roberto Hernandez Catches Liner Right At His Face

This is why Phil Hughes acted like a spazz trying to catch a non-existent liner earlier in the week. You never know when a batter is going to redirect your pitch right into your face. Roberto Hernandez knows: better safe than sorry. » 8/02/14 4:22pm 8/02/14 4:22pm

Phillies GM Explains Why Terrible Team Didn't Get Better

The trade deadline should have been the Phillies' day. They are bad, foundering, getting worse, weighed down by terrible contracts and not about to be bailed out by talent from a thin minor league system. But they have handful of good major leaguers, all older, all who would be very useful for a team that's capable… » 8/01/14 9:30am 8/01/14 9:30am

Cliff Lee Exits Early With Injury, Yells "Fuck!"

It's hard to say what happened—and speculating about injuries is the worst—but in the video here (not embeddable yet), Cliff lee is obviously upset and frustrated after throwing his 31st pitch of the game. In the third inning, with Denard Span up, Lee threw a cutter and immediately looked disgusted and pointed to… » 7/31/14 8:39pm 7/31/14 8:39pm

It's Time Again To Enjoy Miserable Phillies Fans In Extreme Slow Motion

Jonathan Papelbon shit the bed again tonight, earning another loss and blowing his second game in as many days. A while back, we presented some Phillies fans watching the game slip away in extreme slow motion . You seemed to like it, so we did it again tonight. » 7/24/14 12:11am 7/24/14 12:11am

Cliff Lee Was Bad And Then Farted

The trade deadline is but nine days away, and one of the big names that's almost certainly on the market—if anyone wants him—is Phillies starter Cliff Lee. Lee made his return to the mound yesterday after more than two months on the DL, and everything was wet and loud and messy. » 7/22/14 9:09am 7/22/14 9:09am

Ryan Howard Drives In Two On Check Swing

Someone should probably check on Colby Lewis to make sure his skull is still intact and tiny pieces of his brain are not scattered all over the place. With the bases loaded and a full count in the top of the fourth inning against the Giants, Ryan Howard drove in two runs with an excuse-me swing that punched the ball… » 7/21/14 10:25pm 7/21/14 10:25pm

The Phillies Spent Their Rain Delay Playing Bullpen Bocce

The Phillies waited out a one-hour, 39-minute rain delay in Atlanta yesterday, and some bored souls out in the visitors' bullpen managed to pass the time with a few games of baseball bocce. God bless whoever invented the sphere. » 7/21/14 1:31pm 7/21/14 1:31pm

Phillies Play-By-Play Guy Catches Home Run, Throws Ball Back On Field

The Phillies announced earlier in the week that their three-man broadcast team of Tom McCarthy, Canadian Stone Cold Steve Austin Matt Stairs, and Jamie Moyer would call Friday night's game against the Braves from a special location in centerfield. Good idea! » 6/28/14 10:10am 6/28/14 10:10am

The Phillie Phanatic Tried To Kill A Guy In A Pig Costume

OK, so maybe murder was never quite on the table, but the Phanatic should still be considered a dangerous maniac to be avoided at all costs. Those air cannons pack a heavy punch, and the poor pig-man got lit up from close range. That shit hurts! » 6/24/14 10:27am 6/24/14 10:27am

Which MLB Fans Are The Biggest Bandwagoners?

Two researchers at Emory University have launched their 2014 MLB Fan Analysis, which uses the numbers to break down baseball's fan bases by any number of variables. Earlier this week, they tackled one near and dear to our hearts: Which teams' attendance is most closely correlated with its success? » 6/13/14 11:49am 6/13/14 11:49am