I don’t what baseball’s unwritten rules say or don’t say about challenging mascots to handstand contests, but I’d like to believe they’re encouraged.
OK, so maybe murder was never quite on the table, but the Phanatic should still be considered a dangerous maniac to be avoided at all costs. Those air cannons pack a heavy punch, and the poor pig-man got lit up from close range. That shit hurts!
If you take nothing else from this insane week in sports, let it be the fact that the Phillie Phanatic was born in the Galapagos Islands. MLB has photos of the Philadelphia mascot furbirdthing "returning to his homeland" to terrify wildlife and hawk his book to local children. [MLB.com via The700Level]
The giant fuzzy sex fiend got a ball just under the snout (proboscis?) at a minor league game last night. He (or the human inside) went to the emergency room, and was treated for a contusion and released. He won't miss any time, and will return to the usual boring mascot hazard of being pummeled in the groin by…
According to MLB video from today's Phillies/Marlins game, this image comes from when the "Phanatic dances with a fan." According to tipster Zach K, "the Philly Phanatic attempts to convince this girl to flash the crowd, and when she doesn't, he forcibly shoves his snout down her throat."
Not all of Philadelphia has Phillies Phever. Two men were arrested for assaulting a 6-foot, 100-lb sculpture of the Phanatic. His prehensile tongue offered pathetically little defense.
A confession: We are terrified by the Phillie Phanatic. Everything about him creeps us out: That weird tongue thing he shoots out, the googly eyes that we see in our nightmares, the purple (purple!) eyelashes. He's not a monster, he's not cuddly, he's not a being with any recognizable cousins in the animal kingdom. We…