There's really no way to describe Sunday's hit by Ryan Clark on Wes Welker unless you're familiar with the Roadrunner cartoons. The one scene I'm thinking of is where a giant boulder is hurtling down toward the coyote, who only has time to open a tiny parasol before the inevitable impact. This may have been worse.

A flag was thrown on Clark due to Welker being in a "defenseless position." And suddenly the Lions have found a loophole in which they benefit on every play.

From the Steelers' point of view this may have been a worthwhile penalty; a statement that not only were they in control of the game, but that the Patriots Epoch may be at an end. Although that looks like a good way to get someone killed.

As bad as that was, this looks like it may have been worse

Video courtesy of BlackSportsOnline.

Burgher Joint [Boston Globe]

One thing the National Football League is definitely not talking about is the whole point spread issue. As one astute reader even pointed out to us, an AP story about the game that appeared on NFL.com was exactly like the AP story that appeared every where else in the world, with just one minor omission.

"The call affected betting on the game since the Steelers were 5-point favorites and would have covered if the touchdown counted."

That was the last sentence of the story as written, but we guess NFL.com had space constraints or something because it was cut from the version that appeared on their website. Problem solved!

So that was quietly swept under the rug, but the league is loudly considering an actual substantive change based on the referee's blown call. There has been talk about changing the replay rules (before the playoffs start) to allow officials on the field to go back and consult with the replay booth more than once per challenge. That way both zebra crews will have an extra opportunity to properly screw things up.

But at times like these, it's important to consider the real heroes who have been most affected by these trying times—the bookies. Maybe you're not sympathetic to their plight, but that's probably because your bookie is a heartless thug who steals your soul as he picks your pocket and not an adorable stay-at-home mom who smells like fresh chocolate chip cookies and runs a sports book out of her kitchen. Yes, Bookie Mom—the world's best bet-taking recipe-sharing video-blogger—was quite pleased with how things worked out. And gracious in victory, too.

She's definitely my new favorite MILTPATTPW (Mom I'd Like To Place A Three-Team Parlay With).

• Bookie Mom [Bookiemom.com]
• Referee says officials errantly voided Steelers TD [AP/Yahoo]
• Referee says officials errantly voided Steelers TD [AP/NFL]
• Clearing Up The San Diego Chargers/Pittsburgh Steelers End Of Game Issues [Sports Agent Blog]
• NFL Might Modify Replay Procedure [Washington Post]
• A Bad Beat for Chargers-Steelers [ESPN]
• REFS MAKING ALL RIGHT CALLS? DON'T BET ON IT [Free Lance-Star]

Hey ... that's why they call it gambling, right? But when you look a little closer at the situation from Vegas' perspective, there does seem to be an unpleasant odor in the air.

"An estimated 100 million dollars was wagered worldwide on the Pittsburgh/San Diego game, according to RJ Bell of Pregame.com. Approximately 66% of that money was on the Steelers; with only 34% on the Chargers.

"If the touchdown was properly upheld, Steelers bettors would have won about 32 million dollars instead of losing big. This admittedly incorrect call resulted in a 64 million dollar swing in favor of the bookies." [Emphasis added.]

Of course, in the fantasy world of NFL-related telecasts gambling does not exist, so this point will likely go mostly unchallenged on your TV screens this week. (Bob Costas did mention the betting line in passing on Sunday Night Football, but I did not see that. Anyone have a clip?) Plus, the reversal meant the first 11-10 final score in the entire history of the NFL. Surely that makes up for the two large you owe your bookie, right?

Bookies Win Millions, Bettors Lose on Bad Steelers Call [Pregame.com]
If the NFL Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It [Stock Lemon]
Point Spread Talk Taboo on Broadcasts; Nantz and Costas Avoid the “G”-word* [Scott's Shots]

UPDATE: So apparently this controversy is so great that ESPN pretty much has no choice but to at least acknowledge the impact this call had on the betting world. But very carefully. Listen as Hannah Storm and Josh Elliott play dumb in order to appease The Goodell. Come on, Josh!

Holmes was charged with "one misdemeanor count of possession of a small amount of marijuana" and released, but Sgt. James Vogel of the Pittsburgh PD wants to make it clear that Holmes was a perfect gentleman during the whole ordeal. He handed over the blunts politely and without incident, and if the NFL has a problem with that they can take it up with Sgt. Vogel.

Vogel said Holmes was very cooperative, respectful and wasn’t impaired. He thinks that should be taken into account when it comes to any potential action taken against him by the Steelers and the NFL.

“We wouldn't expect a steelworker to be laid off or suspended without pay,” said Vogel. “I wouldn't expect a police officer, firefighter or a member of the Steelers.”

Gee, it sounds like someone really wants to see Holmes back at work as soon as possible—maybe even this weekend. What's the line on the Giants game, again?

• Steelers WR Santonio Holmes Pulled Over, Hands Officer Blunts [WPXI]
Sir, You Seemed to Have Dropped Your Terrible Towel [Deadspin]

The Self Defense Guy says:

"Now when I take my woman out, she's happy to see me in my "button" down shirt. Makes her feel like I care enough about her to get dressed up. And I DO CARE about her, she's my woman. It's just that until now I never felt comfortable wearing what every one else was wearing. I'm just an average guy who loves football and hates to get dressed up. If that's how you are, you'll like your shirt as much as I like mine, maybe even more. Get one now and see what I mean."

The Self Defense Guy goes on to describe the types of shirts he has in stock, and explain that he is a dedicated Steelers fan. But then the commercial takes a sudden, comical turn:

"I also want to tell you, if you need pepper spray or a stun gun, go to my web site, theselfdeenseguy.com, and you can get pepper spray or a stun gun for only $2."

So you may look hideous in this atrocious NFL dress shirt, but at least you'll be armed. And let me tell you, there is no peace of mind like the peace of mind you'll get from knowing that you have a two-dollar stun gun in your purse.

Combine these with my bulletproof briefcase, and I'm virtually unstoppable on any business trip.

Danese Creations
NFL Marketing Hits A New Low [Deuce Of Davenport]

* * *

OK, Overtime For Rills This Time

12:17 — You'd think an overtime game would be more exciting than that — maybe on a night's rest, it will have been — but with so many errors, it reminded me of Mid-American Conference football. So in the end, it worked for me.

You stayed up the entire time, and for that, you deserve a medal. Unfortunately, I'm all out of medals, so how about a nice pleasant River City Ransom-esque smile? (They're free!) Sleep soundly, and I'll reconnoiter with y'all in the next live blog.

12:16 — Snap. Hold. Kick. It's ... inches inside the goalposts. The game mercifully ends, as does Baltimore's perfect season.

20 23

12:15 — The rest of the footballs will be thrown to Mewelde Moore. He gets about six yards on the pass and Jeff Reed will line up for a 46-yard line. The anticipation is palpable. The palpitation is anticipated. It all comes down to th... oh, one of those cheap-ass timeouts right before the snap.

12:14 — Oh, levity! Moore atones for his big yardage play by tackling his own quarterback for a 4-yard loss.

12:13 — Instead of having to pick up the blitz on 300-pound dudes, they decide to throw a short pass to him, who takes it for a huge gain into Jeff Reed Should Make This territory.

12:12 — Aww, look at Moore try to block a lineman. That was precious.

12:10 — If "Jacked Up!" ever deserved a Renaissance, that tackle was the reason. Antwan Barnes levels Santonio Holmes on the punt return, but the ball is still at the generously-positioned 40-something-yard line.

12:09 — On a big third down, Joe Flacco gets snarfled by the D-line. Puntin' time.

12:07 — Is it? Might it? But of course. Clipping penalty on the Ravens. The referee pointed to the correct culprits, but accidentally said "defense". Imagine if Ed Hochuli had made that mistake.

12:06 — True to form, there were two fouls on the kickoff to Figurs. Sadly, they're both on Baltimore. The game starts at the 15-yard line.

12:02 — 12:02 — Baltimore wins the toss, they've elected to call dibs on kickball receive. There aren't many sports in which "being kicked to" is a desired result.

12:02 — And now to bring four members from each team to midfield to do the coin toss. Luckily, there are four uninjured players on both teams.

Actually, Not Overtime Just Yet, Still Fourth Quarter

12:00 — They have to bring the teams back on the field to run off seven seconds, because the penalty wasn't supposed to incur a runoff. Play action Hail Mary time.

Overtime

11:59 — Now to decide who gets the ball first. Are they gonna opt for Eenie Meenie Miney Moe? Ah, no, the coin flip instead. Bold choice.

Fourth Quarter

11:58 — Joe Flacco kneels down to kill the clock, which is helped by an illegal formation.

11:57 — Ray Lewis is pumped up on the sidelines. He's ready for some overtime-age. Looking at him, it makes me wonder: is the vest on underneath the shoulder pads? After all, someone might need a quickie postgame Eucharist. You always have to be prepared.

11:56 — Just so we're clear, four running backs are on the sidelines with injuries. Parker, Mendenhall, McGahee, and McClain. It's the highly anticipated Mewelde Moore v. Ray Rice showdown! Certainly you started both of them on your fantasy team this weekend, right?

11:55 — It was about time for another injury. Le'Ron McClain limps around then finally kneels to the ground, forcing Baltimore to eat that final timeout. Mmm. Raspberry!

11:54 — Yamon Figurs does an excellent job of letting the punt bounce an extra 15 yards, then just batting it out of bounds. I taught him that move. Ball's at the 13-yard line.

11:52 — A crucial third down pass gets redirected by Corporal Burgundy Blazervest. Time to punt.

11:51 — No, seriously, they're trying to get Mewelde Moore as involved in the offense as possible. They just tried throwing it to him deep down the sideline. (It didn't work, natch.)

11:49 — Right down to the two-minute warning (Warning: this final two minutes will take ten minutes), the Steelers ride the Mewelde Moore Midnight Train To Damn Near Midfield. Somewhere Lane Kiffin is shouting at his TV, "SEND IN JEFF REED!" Just kidding. Lane Kiffin doesn't currently have a TV. It was repossessed by an Oakland-area Repo Man.

11:45 — Kornheiser loves Mike Tomlin (I'm assuming), because he's "flamboyantly articulate." I don't know how that's any better than "your shit's retarded and you talk like a fag."

11:41 — Le'Ron McClain runs over a Steelers defender, defers the obvious "Die Hard" reference (for, if no other reason, because it's spelled differently), and ties the game. Yick. How'd both teams score 20 points? Apiece?

20 20

11:40 — Just over five minutes left, and Flacco heaves it to Mason, who scampers down to the 5-yard line. I get shivers every time a game comes moderately close to a tie at the end of regulation. Can't imagine why.

11:39 — And now for another subliminal White Castle commercial. The Ravens give up another shitty sack.

11:38 — Wow, a couple of back-to-back first downs by the white-and-purple. Wasn't aware they had any left in them.

11:37 — Baltimore goes for a tying score, but more to the point, WHAT THE HELL WAS RAY LEWIS WEARING IN THAT INTERVIEW?

11:34 — Cut to a taped interview with Ray Lewis. I'm sure he's saying something really poignant in relation to a football-versus-life schema, but he's wearing a sleeveless burgundy sportcoat. I can't take any advice from that kind of outfit.

11:33 — Mewelde Moore? Well, he's no ... um, who's the current Steelers' #1 running back? Amos Zereoue? Regardless, Moore falls short of the endzone, and Pittsburgh takes the easy three.

13 20

11:32 — Down on the goalline, Pittsburgh brings in their 31 tight-end formation.

11:29 — That has to be a made-up stat. Ben's passer rating when touched by the defense: 81.9. In other statistics, Ben's passer rating when touched by his girlfriend: 143.1.

11:26 — There's no The Who song for what's going on here. Roethlisberger hits Nate Washington for a huge gain down to the 10-yard line.

11:23 — Kornheiser is impressed with Tomlin calling the football field "the grass," calling it "flowery language." If that's poetic by football standards, I'd hate to hear football's version of obscenity. (Alternate punch line: NFL players talk about "the grass" all the time. They also talk about the football field. Oh! [rimshot])

11:17 — An unnecessarily large third-and-short for Baltimore. And, yes, it didn't go smoothly.

Third Quarter

11:14 — Baltimore climbs out of its shocked shell just enough to add a few yards on the ground as the clock winds down to a creep.

11:13 — All right, Sussman. Enough with the sweeping declarative statements. Steelers reach 4th down and punt.

11:11 — Finding the playbook from 2005 tucked away in Troy Polamalu's fro. The ball's moving fluidly down the field and into the Ravens' side of the field.

11:09 — Nice dropback, Flacco Niño. Too bad your ass got saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacked.

11:08 — OH NO! Heinz Field is playing AC/DC over the P.A. system during a game specifically demarcated for "The Who" discography. Get Norby on the line PRONTO!

11:06 — How will Flacco respond to the turnaround, Jaworski asks? Excretion of urine might be a good start.

11:03 — This ... just changed really quickly. Flacco got pancaked by two Steeler-ers, the ball squirted out directly toward the endzone, and LaMarr Woodley brought it in for seven. Oh, and there was no penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct, because only one member jumped into the stands. I don't think I've ever heard a referee so much as acknowledge, in English words, acceptable celebrating.

13 17

11:00 — And the latest The Who song: "Pinball Wizard." Actually that's acceptable, given that Holmes bounced off three different men wearing a hint of purple. Unfortunately for the first two-and-a-half quarters, the Steelers were like a pinball game in that the fans were half ready to tilt the machine in order to get the ball moving in the right direction.

10:58 — Now I have to retract about 80 percent of my Steelers jokes, or just take the fish out of the barrel and give them a proper burial. Roethlisberger tosses one to Santonio Holmes, who evades a three Ravens d-backs (not exactly the easiest thing to do) and puts the Steelers in the end zone finally.

13 10

10:56 — Pittsburgh hasn't had the ball as far as their own 33 since the second drive of the game. I think it's fair to give Pittsburgh moral victories at this juncture.

10:53 — And another fourth down. Know the difference between a Joe Flacco and a hockey mom? One passing touchdown.

10:52 — More love for that now-officially 12.4-second scramble by Flacco. Reminds me of one Donovan McNabb had a couple years ago.

10:47 — Here's a positive from that series that ended quickly with a 4th and 16 punt. No sacks!

10:42 — The Steelers, according to that outro music, "Won't Get Fooled Again." In the strictest sense, this is accurate. It's tough to execute a second foolish gambit on a team with the first one lasts all game. (Dear God, it's me, Matt. I don't ask for much, but if you could have ESPN play, I dunno, an actual obscure Who Song like "Boris The Spider," I'd be sort of thankful until the next live blog. Amen, adieu, and have a rotten day.)

10:41 — Gosh, in all that excitement, I hardly noticed that it quickly became fourth down. I also hardly noticed that Rashard Mendenhall seems injured. (Or bored with the game.) The punt lands just outside the 5-yard line.

10:39 — Excuse me, but how long did that play just last? Flacco danced around in the backfield for about 15 seconds, which is something you're supposed do on the Disney family of networks after you retire, not during your first year. Flacco eventually strikes a wide receiver downfield for a hell of a first down. Okay, so Baltimore has an offense after all. I'm taking several things back tonight evidently.

10:37 — Mark Clayton : wide receiver :: Molina : catcher. One of the Claytons executes a pretty ineffective endaround.

10:34 — The screen falls short ... but wait, it's fumbled! But wait, it dances for a first down! But wait, it bounces back behind the down line! And the world works itself out.

10:32 — Pittsburgh starts with the ball. This will be fun, albeit short-lived.

Halftime Adjustments

Pittsburgh: "Get sacked less."

Baltimore: "We scored too much. Please advise."

Halftime Entertainment

And now, an uplifting story. As in, this gives Amish carnies everywhere some hope that their county fair can be exciting, too:

You Saw This Coming From A Mile Away

10:18 — Chris Berman: "Wake Up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you. It's late september and I really should be back at school." HAHA! Because, see, it's September ... guffaw ... and Rod Stewart ... chortle ... hasn't been relevant in 20 years! Ben ROFLsberger!

Second Quarter

10:17 — Ballsy move by coach Mike Tomlin to send Roethlisberger out there to take a knee. There are so many ways he could get injured. Fortunately, he stays healthy and the Steelers ride a wave of boos into the locker room.

10:14 — Uh-uh. Heinz Field officials scramble to install electric lights in the tens digit of the scoreboard. Joe Flacco hits Daniel Wilcox and throws his first NFL TD.

13 3

10:13 — Offsetting personal fouls doesn't move the ball. But you know what does? Offsides penalties. Baltimore catches a break and, like an inopportune time to draw the card "Advance to Boardwalk," move up 4 spaces.

10:11 — Um. (1) The Steelers failed to cover Ray Rice on the left side. (2) Flacco throws it to Rice, but he misses and falls. (3) Oh, don't worry, it was an illegal formation anyway. Like a homemade Chance card in Monopoly, go back 5 spaces.

10:09 — This has to be a visual typo. A screen pass to Le'Ron McClain went for 25 yards and sets up B'more inside the 5-yard line.

10:06 — There have probably been as many, if not more, injury timeouts as field goals.

10:06 — The Ravens get a Derrick Mason incompletion reviewed and reversed into a completion. If only they could have that luxury on every down.

10:02 — Having received the punt a few steps ahead of midfield, Baltimore gets two minutes to move into field goal range.

10:00 — Remember when I said there were two teams in the AFC North with football skills? I tearfully retract that sentence.

9:57 — They are finally asking what's wrong with the Steelers offense, after numerous quarters of paltry points. Their discussion is interrupted by Roethlisberger getting pounced on by one of three Ravens linemen. Pittsburgh proves they're not the only Pennsylvanians who can boo.

9:56 — Roethlisberger avoids the sack by his own wobbly feet, but can't shake off the sack by the more difficult-to-avoid-feet Terrell Suggs.

9:56 — Ron Jaworski highlights some of Flacco's great throws on that last drive. Not pictured: A throw that directly resulted in points.

9:54 — You have to give them credit. They delayed the field goal as long as possible. A fourth and goal on the 2-yard line turns into three delicious points. (New rule. After the fourth try, field goals are worth two points. Get the ball in the freakin' endzone, somebody.)

6 3

9:51 — Gak. Maybe Joe Flacco should try something other than the 17-step drop on the next play.

9:51 — A Keanu-caliber "whoa." First and goal. This is a new one for Baltimore.

9:49 — Baltimore's offense is sniffing the 100-yard mark for the game. And it's not even halftime. Goddamn overachievers, they are.

9:47 — Well, shut me up. A successful screen to Willis McGahee brings the Ravens a first down.

9:45 — Let's see ... 3rd, and 3, for Baltimore, and they're in the fortysomething field goal territory. Can you guess what happens? Why not just drag out Stover at this point and kick the FG in case they fumble or throw the ball to one of the Steelers. Heck, why not just do that on first down?

9:44 — An admission. I actually half forgot Billick wasn't the coach of the Ravens anymore. Which is why, kids, you should always at least fake preparation for any live blog.

9:43 — Twisting the knife into the 17 hardcore Ravens fans, MNF looks back at the Brian Billick years.

9:41 — "The funniest iPod ever." Apple struck a deal with the Sklar Brothers?

9:39 — Tony K shares a columnlette on Roethlisberger's motorcycle accident, appendix removal, and other Operator-related maladies.

9:33 — Wow, beautiful throw by Flacco to Derrick Mason. Too bad it caused Mason to get American Samoaned.

9:32 — I sure hope Al Davis replaces Lane Kiffin with Matt Millen.

9:28 — It finally makes sense. The flags are the same color as the helmets. They're trying to confuse the refs into thinking they already called a penalty on the opposing team. I bet you're wondering how they know it's going to be a penalty against Baltimore? Well, they don't. They just have to hope. (I never said it was a great plan.)

First Quarter

9:27 — Ah, I hate doing this, because it means I've gone too obscure. But if you don't understand the scoreboard squares, here's your dead giveaway.

9:25 — Did I just see a movie trailer with Leo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe in it? Damn, one of those guys better be the antagonist. I don't have the constitution to cheer for both of them at the same time.

9:20 — True to Baltimorian form, Flacco leads the team square in the middle of field goal territory, then throws a near-interception. Three points at a time. Whee! It's like watching the Phoenix Suns play! Matt Stover gets it to go.

3 3

9:19 — More talk about Joe Flacco's unlikely rise to the first team on offense on Week One. Kornheiser notes how it takes "bizzare events" for a rookie QB to reach there. The Atlanta Falcons have their own definition of "bizarre." One of them is, "oh, shit, Joey Harrington again?"

9:17 — That's right. He transfered from Pitt. Square it. On a more pressing note, it seems that ESPN is emptying out their The Who albums on MNF. Furthermore, they're having trouble playing anything but AC/DC during their college football games. It's sad to see even ESPN is feeling the effects of the economic crisis by only having the budget to play songs from two different bands.

9:16 — Tony relates Baltimore's offense so far (minus-six yards) to Michigan's first half against Wisconsin. (Fuck. Wrong college game on the bingo card.) But he fails to relate Flacco's college helmet as a mock Wolverine helmet. And because of that, Flacco just converted from 2nd and 21. (!?)

9:14 — Kornheiser's proud of his analysis of the poorly-conceived idea of throwing the ball at "the big fat guy." Then again, if it were me, and I wanted a cheap laugh, I'd throw it as hard as I could at the fat guy, just too see if I could hit the gut, eliciting a Pillsbury-type giggle.

9:14 — Nevertheless, Baltimore continues the Steelers' offensive drive by losing two yards on first down.

9:12 — Roethlisberger throws a direct strike to Haloti Ngata. [I'm not gonna say it ... I'm not gonna say it ... I'm not gonna say it ... but it's so gawddamn easy I can't help myself] Wow, I tell ya, what was he thinking? There was Ngata receiver in sight!

9:11 — In a game that looked extremely exciting a month ago, the Vikings play the Saints next Monday night. Makes you happy about tonight's Fieldgoalathon. At least these teams can kick field goals.

9:09 — Perhaps Baltimore should pretend they're playing against another Ohioan team. Kent State, for example. Instead, reality sets in and Baltimore punts again.

9:02 — You know what they say about buys with big hair. They kick big field goals. Jeff Reed gives the Steelers the lead.

0 3

9:01 — Corey Ivy, see, a bumblebee killed his father, so in a fit of vengeance, just pummeled Roethlisberger on a 3rd and 12 play. Inigo Montoya would be proud.

8:59 — Rashard Mendenhall bursts for "the longest run of his career," which is probably also the longest rush of Curtis Enis's career.

8:57 — Two personal fouls and a false start all offset each other. No, I actually don't think they do.

8:54 — A three-and-out for Baltimore parlayed into a three-and-not-out-but-instead-a-first-down for PIttsburgh. Must've been those crafty yellow helmets. "Hey, that's not LSU!"

8:50 — Pardon my MNF virginity this year, but if they just scroll the names of the starters at the bottom of the screen, how are we supposed to know what high school some of these linebackers went to?

8:49 — And now we resume action. Wait, false alarm. Let's try one where Joe Flacco doesn't fumble the center exchange.

8:48 — Frazier has finally been placed on the stretcher, and the stretcher is on the cart. So, two-hand touch from here on out? Ben Roethlisberger might love that.

8:44 — Steelers special teamer Andre Frazier appears to be the injured fellow. They're stretchering him off. At this rate, only Jonathan E will be left standing by halftime.

8:42 — And ... with no time off the clock, someone already died on the field. Way to wish for injury in your pregame slam poetry, Tony.

8:40 — Son of Hank Williams I ditties a new ditty. Y'know, we like to bitch a lot, but just think how fortunate that it's a washed up country singer modifying lyrics week-to-week and not, oh, these guys. (Good thing ESPN never booked them!)

8:36 — I have a soft spot for anyone who can reference the Visigoths on-air. That's why Tony Kornheiser is inexplicably and unconditionally on my good side. Although Korny just dropped some Eagles lyrics, much to the chagrin of Jeff Lebowski. If you didn't know the name of that song*, mark the "obscure rock song" square down.

* - ʇɥƃıuo⊥ ǝɥɔɐʇɹɐǝH

8:34 — Ray Lewis's INTENSE pep talk: "Whenever someone touch the ball, someone's getting knocked out." You heard me, Ed Reed. No interceptions for you.

8:31 — Okay, ESPN's "Axis" replay mode is just showing off. Yes, it's way better than CBS's "Eye Vision," but they kept going up and back and forth in their camera angle for no other reason beyond that they could. Although if you looked carefully, in the corner of the screen it said "Reticulating Splines..."

8:29 — Predictions? Four Leaderers pick Pittsburgh, and four pick Baltimore. This makes Kevin Costner the tie-breaking vote.

8:27 — Still pregame. ESPN is showing highlights ... of their own coverage of NFL analysts discussing a game yet to be played. (I guess they hate repeating themselves.) They even found a grammatically correct Emmitt Smith sentence to re-roll.

Pre-Game Babble

So Baltimore is one of life's undefeated teams. And all they did was beat up on Cincinnati and Cleveland. Somehow that seems shallow only because they had a game two weeks ago against Houston postponed. But hey, they didn't write the schedule. Seedy, tweedy Ravens fans came up with it.

Every once in a while I check out the Interpipes to scout out the live blog competition is out there. Tonight, I will be vying for your precious refreshes against Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sports editor Jerry Micco. So far he already has a head start on me, keeping us abreast of when he's driving to the game. Heck, that's not such a bad idea. In fact, I might steal that idea. Or maybe I'll live blog while driving. Michigan hasn't explicitly written a law forbidding it.

It sounds like the Steelers will be playing with throwback jerseys. Quoth the Micco, "We'll see if it's enough to throw off the Ravens." After all, Haloti Ngata and Terrell Suggs have been watching game film of the Steelers wearing the modern jerseys. They'll undoubtedly freeze up and piss their pants when they see different clothes. Conversely, the Ravens might lure Pittsburgh into complacency if they adorn their own throwbacks:

That was probably meaner than it needed to be. Oh well. As penance, play with this:

The top three teams in the Forbes list were the same as last year: the Dallas Cowboys ($1.612 billion), the Washington Redskins ($1.538 billion) and the New England Patriots ($1.324 billion). The Redskins have the highest estimated revenue and operating income at $327 million and $58.1 million, respectively.

You think only big money has been made in the old days? Way back in 1989, Jerry Jones purchased the Dallas Cowboys for the then exorbitant price of $150 million. That's worked out pretty well also. In another twenty years are we going to be talking about the Cowboys worth over $10 billion?

The Giants and Jets clock in at numbers 4 and 5 in the league thanks to their new stadium. Each is valued at $1.17 billion. According to Forbes the average NFL team is now worth twice what the average major league team is.

NFL average team value over a billion [Yahoo]
Average NFL Franchise Value Over $1 Billion, According to Forbes [Biz of Football]

Right now: the Pittsburgh Steelers. Your author, of course, is Don Spagnolo.

Don Spagnolo is a freelance writer and editor of Mondesi's House, a Pittsburgh sports comedy blog.

Once again, I am returning from my Western Pennsylvania-based nerdery to write a Deadspin season preview containing entirely too many words and pictures about a Pittsburgh sports franchise. I know my articles used to give Will fits from a formatting point-of-view, but he begrudgingly asked me back twice each year to saturate you in all things Yinzer. Hopefully I can live up to the expectations built up so graciously by the Deadspin Commenters for this year's edition.

In 2006, I wrote a list of 50 Reasons Why I Love the Steelers for my preview. In 2007, I ranked the 50 Biggest Stories in the Steeler Universe (on the field and off) Since Last Year's Preview. They were both pretty well-received, but there was one minor problem: they really weren't previews. I read the assignment two years ago from Mr. Leitch as it still reads today: "We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, even a TV guy or two, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, why My Team Is Better Than Your Team. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever. "

Basically, it looked like a license to write whatever I wanted about the Steelers, so I took him up on the offer. "Why's my team is better than your team? Here's 50 reasons."

That's what created this monster.

With that in mind, I am setting out this year to write an actual preview of your 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers season. What happened in training camp? What's going on with ownership? What can we expect from Steely McBeam? These questions will all be answered in this year's Steeler Preview: 20 Questions Fans Are Asking About the 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers.

Let's begin.

20. Should Steeler fans be concerned about the 2008 schedule?

Steeler fans should never worry about the schedule. Other teams should worry about having to play the Steelers.

That being said, we've got quite the gauntlet to run this year: road games against New England, Washington, Tennessee, Philadelphia, and Jacksonville; home games against Dallas, Indianapolis, the Super Bowl Champion Giants, San Diego, Houston; and did I mention six divisional grudge-matches with Cleveland, Baltimore and Cincinnati?

All of the 10 teams on their non-divisional schedule finished at .500 or better in 2007, and eight of the 10 made the playoffs. But the Steelers have a knack of playing better when their backs are against the wall and "no one gives them a chance" [channeling Hines Ward], so this may just work out for the best. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

19. Why did the Steelers give OT Max Starks a one-year tender worth nearly $7 million guaranteed?

I have no answer for you, so I've narrowed it down to four options:

A. He has compromising pictures of Kevin Colbert, Mike Tomlin, or both.

B. They wanted to spend some money on an offensive lineman in the offseason, but Alan Faneca annoyed them one too many times.

C. He's the centerpiece of the Steeler charity basketball team.

D. They wanted to set a team record for the largest contract ever given to a backup lineman.

In other words, your guess is as good as mine.

18. With the releases of RB Najeh Davenport in 2008 and Duce Staley during 2006, what will bloggers do to try and recreate the predictable poop jokes every single time they reference Steeler running backs?

I don't know…can you make some off-color reference out of the name "Mewelde?"

In actuality, the Steelers should have quite the formidable backfield in 2008. Willie Parker was leading the league in rushing at the time of his injury last year and will try to get back to his 2006 numbers: 1,716 yards of offense and 16 touchdowns. Behind Parker, there's 2007 Big Tenleven MVP Rashard Mendenhall, former Minnesota Viking Mewelde Moore, and second-year man Gary Russell, as well as fullback Carey Davis. This should not be an area of concern for the team in '08.

17. Who will be the Steelers' starting punter in 2008?

Due to the season-ending ACL injury to incumbent Daniel Sepulveda, there's an open competition for the job. As of this writing, it's either Paul Ernster, who famously booted a 15-yarder at Heinz Field as a Cleveland Brown in 2007, or Mitch Berger, who's on his seventh NFL team. And you know how the saying goes…"When you have two punters, you have no punters."

16. Who will be the Steelers' starting punt returner in 2008?

I don't know. You doin' anything on Sundays?

Let's just say that special teams have not exactly been a strong point of the team, if you haven't already gotten that memo by the tone of the last two questions. They lost one of their team's true strengths with the defection of Antwaan Randle-El to Washington shortly after the Super Bowl, a blow to the return game that they still haven't recovered from.

They actually traded up to draft a punter in the fourth round of the 2007 draft, the same guy who tore his ACL. Before that, the punter was the unblock able Chris Gardocki, a man Steeler fans will forget no time soon. Ironically, the strong point of the special teams unit, kicker Jeff Reed, is remarkably consistent, hitting 23 of 25 field goals last season, yet he is probably better known for his ongoing series of internet pictures seen prominently on the very site you're reading.

But back to the question at hand, the competition for the punt returner job has so far included Chiefs castoff Eddie "Mister" Drummond, the aforementioned Mewelde Moore, perennial disappointment Willie Reid, former skier/male model Jeremy Bloom, and rookie defensive back Travis Williams.

The face of the Steelers' punt returner? To quote Martin Prince, "highly dubious."
Plus, Mike Tomlin just added that Santonio Holmes may run some back in a situational role reminiscent of Hall of Famer Darrell Green's with Washington. Long story short, it sounds like another season in which anything can happen once the ball leaves the punter's foot.

15. If new backup QB Byron Leftwich is so great, why was he still available to any team that wanted him in August?

Good question. In his first preseason game, we saw flashes of why he was available, like his insistence on throwing frozen ropes to receivers standing about five yards in front of him and the escapability of your average 80-year-old. But he does throw a ball that WR Nate Washington actually catches, which is a feat in itself.

You can rip on Leftwich all you want, but at least he wasn't dumb enough to presume that he would get a shot at Ben Roethlisberger's starting quarterback job, like a certain unnamed Culpepper allegedly did at his tryout.

Steeler Nation welcomes you with welcome arms, Byron, as you step into a role that historically transforms a person into one of the most popular people in Pittsburgh: the Steelers' backup quarterback. If only Kordell Stewart were playing in front of you, there's a great chance you would probably be even more popular.

14. Why was NT Casey Hampton placed on the PUP list to start camp?

I'm guessing it had something to do with his diet and a thorough dislike for an exercise known to you and I as "jogging".

But Hampton's body was THE definitive story at the start of training camp, inspiring bloggers everywhere to dig up that picture of Hampton with his shirt open and a bottle of vodka in his hand.

Personally, I went for the picture of Hampton sitting in the first row at a Penguin playoff game and giving the glass all it could handle after celebrating a Marian Hossa goal.

Let's hope that time on the PUP list serves as the public kick-in-the-pants that it was intended to be.

13. Speaking of offseason distractions, what are WR Cedrick Wilson and LB James Harrison up to?

Wilson, who was arrested on March 19 after allegedly assaulting his girlfriend at a Pittsburgh-area Mexican restaurant, was released hours later by the team. Following a 2007 season in which he had 18 catches and a touchdown, he is now coaching high school football and taking classes at the University of Memphis in hopes of becoming a teacher.

Harrison, a 2007 Pro Bowler and the Steelers' Team MVP, was arrested on March 8 after a domestic altercation with his girlfriend, but the charges were dropped in April after he completed anger management counseling. He remains with the team and will once again be starting at linebacker.

Owner Dan Rooney addressed the perceived double-standard in a way that really didn't satisfy the Women's Center and Shelter of Pittsburgh, which kept the story in the news even longer and seemingly threw gas on the raging debate. Needless to say, it was not a proud chapter in Steeler history. Awkwardly moving on…

12. Does CB Deshea Townsend still play?

Not only does he still play, but he's expected to start once again in 2008.

There aren't many guys in the league who don't start until their 7th season, but Townsend is one of them. After starting a total of 16 games between 1998-2003, Townsend has started 58 of a possible 64 games since 2004.

The Steelers drafted CB Bryant McFadden as a potential replacement in the second round of the 2005 draft, and every year, like the movie Groundhog Day, we hear about how McFadden might unseat Townsend as the starter. And every year, Townsend ends up with the job. His nickname should be Punxsutawney Townsend.

11. Will the Steelers miss guard Alan Faneca, who signed with the New York Jets?

It depends on which Alan Faneca you're talking about.

There's the Alan Faneca that made seven Pro Bowls, five All-Pro teams and served as captain for three seasons.

Then there's the Alan Faneca who sulked his way through the 2007 preseason, told his teammates not to listen to line coach Larry Zierlein, asked out of his captain duties prior to the start of last season, and played on a line that allowed Ben Roethlisberger to be sacked 47 times in 2007.

So to answer the question, yes and no. It could be addition by subtraction in one sense, as he was obviously no longer happy here; but the fact that this year's edition of the offensive line is far from a work of art makes some question the decision to let Faneca walk away.

10. Despite the offseason distraction of having his nude photos hitting the internet, what can we forecast for Santonio Holmes in 2008?

Despite his insistence on wearing Kordell's old number 10, I'm hoping for 70-80 catches, 1200 or so yards, eight touchdowns, a punt return taken to the house, and, much to Deadspin's dismay, no sequels to his photo portfolio.

By the way, what is it with the Steelers and internet pictures? Santonio, Jeff Reed, Roethlisberger, Hampton…

9. What are the current whereabouts of mascot Steely McBeam?

My answer: Following a tumultuous offseason that culminated in a DUI for one of the actors who portrays Steely, all signs indicate that he is alive and well and will be ready for the season.
The answer I predict the commenters to give: "Probably hanging out at The Pegasus Lounge in Pittsburgh."

8. Why do Mike Tomlin press conferences sound like takes from a movie about football and not an actual NFL press conference?

If you've never witnessed this, pay close attention the next time you see our second-year coach address the media. He speaks in a series of short, abrupt sentences that sound more like Denzel Washington than Bill Cowher. I'm convinced that one day NFL Films will release their first full-length feature film and any scenes involving the coach will be old stock footage of Tomlin.

That being said, Tomlin's had a pretty good start to his Steeler career. A 10-6 record and an AFC North Championship following a tumultuous 2006 Cowher-led campaign was good enough for most Steeler fans. Make no doubt about it, the postseason exit on Heinz Field turf to Jacksonville was very disappointing; but I don't think many people regret the hiring of Tomlin one bit.

7. What's going on with the offensive line?

Wow…that's a loaded question. Questions #19 and 11 certainly factor into this, but neither of them are going to be starters on this year's team. The names you will be hearing are tackles Marvel Smith and Willie Colon, guards Kendall Simmons and Chris Kemoeatu, and center Justin Hartwig.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this: the team will only go as far as the line this season. I'd put their skill-position players up against anyone else's; Roethlisberger, Parker, Mendenhall, Ward, Holmes, and Heath Miller are a formidable bunch with a lot of firepower. The defense may have its share of problems but should not hold the team back in any great way (as long as they can get off of the field on 3rd down). But without any protection for the aforementioned skill players, this team will not be playing far into 2009.

Despite incredible numbers by Roethlisberger and a solid season from Parker, the offensive line was a MAJOR disappointment in 2007 and that was with Alan Faneca, albeit a Faneca who was undermining his line coach. Sean Mahan was a disaster at center, ending the incredible run of Pro Bowlers the Steelers featured at the position since, oh, the 1960s (that's right: four centers in 42 years). Smith battled injuries and started just 12 games. The coaching staff's tutelage was falling on deaf ears. By Steeler standards, it was below-par, and it's a unit that must improve in 2008.

6. Orpheus Roye is coming back? Is that a good thing or a bad thing for the defensive line?

Yes, the 6'4", 330-pounder who used to terrorize opponents as a wedge-buster has come back to Pittsburgh. It took only eight seasons in Cleveland for Roye to realize that he was never going to win anything as a Brown, and if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Right, Marian Hossa? Sorry, wrong sport.

The defensive line has played to lukewarm reviews in the preseason. They certainly have performed well in the past both individually and as a group, but they face questions about age, endurance, and depth this year. Hampton arrived out of shape, Brett Keisel has looked mediocre, and Aaron Smith is coming off of torn biceps suffered last December.

The Roye signing is to give them some semblance of depth, especially since the flirtation with Booger McFarland never really materialized. If Roye's homecoming doesn't work out, he can always recruit Hampton for an intimidating competitive-eating tag team. And that's something no one wants to see.

5. How awesome of a draft did the Steelers have in 2008?

Let's put it this way: if you would've said during the 2007 college football campaign that the Steelers would land Oregon QB Dennis Dixon, Illinois RB Rashard Mendenhall, and Texas WR Limas Sweed, I doubt anyone would have believed you. But this is the same organization that turned undrafted free agents Willie Parker and James Harrison into household names and Pro Bowlers. Does anything they do surprise you at this point?

I'll be back in a minute. I just spilled my glass of Steeler-flavored Kool-Aid on my laptop and need to get a paper towel or two.

4. How many games will safety Troy Polamalu play in this season?

I'm putting the over-under at nine: weeks 1, 2, and 3, he'll be fine as he enters the season in tip-top shape after avoiding an entire preseason; he'll re-aggravate something in week four against Baltimore, then miss Jacksonville and rest during the bye week. He'll return for Cincinnati but tweak something and miss the Giants, Redskins, and Colts. With a clean bill of health, he will play in three consecutive games but hold an ice bag on his hamstring too long and miss the Patriots and Cowboys games. He will come back to face the Ravens and Titans but will sit out week 17 against Cleveland as the Steelers rest up for the playoffs.

I kid, I kid. I love Polamalu. He's an exceptional talent and a wonderful person. It just seems like he's a little…high-maintenance. That's all.

3. Why do Steeler fans long for a power back?

Probably for the same reason that Green Bay fans long for a gunslinging quarterback who just loves to play the game. Some things are just the way they are. But the fact is that any man suiting up at running back and approaching Jerome Bettis' playing weight of 252 pounds will be expected by Steeler fans to fill the power back role in the foreseeable future.

With that in mind, imagine the exhilaration Steeler fans felt when the team drafted Rashard Mendenhall with their first pick. It's like a younger version of The Bus!

Well, not quite. I don't remember Bettis ever running back kicks, nor do I remember him catching many passes, both things that Mendenhall is more than capable of doing. In terms of size, Mendenhall goes 5'10", 225 pounds, about 15 more than Parker. But he is not simply a back that will run you over; his package also includes speed and mobility.

He's not Jerome Bettis. There's only one Jerome Bettis. We need to finally embrace the backfield that we have and I think we'll be more than happy with the results.

2. What's going on with the ownership of the Steelers?

I actually got to interview part-owner Art Rooney Jr. at great length this summer to help promote his book, but due to the timing of the interview (basically right in the midst of the story breaking) and the media swarm, the ownership topic was off the table. So I have to read and listen to the news stories just like you. But at last check, the five Rooney brothers will be meeting with Commissioner Goodell on August 26 at NFL HQ, and possibly meet with former Commissioner Paul Tagliabue before then.

The prospective owner is Stanley Druckenmiller, a 55-year-old hedge fund manager who's the 91st richest American, according to Forbes Magazine. That's right, a hedge fund manager originally from Pittsburgh. TV executives are immediately re-thinking their "blue-collar Steelers, playing like the steelworkers that watch them" clichés as we speak.

Although he now lives in New York, he flies to Pittsburgh for all Steeler home games, tailgates in the parking lot and paints his face black-and-gold. He's basically like every other person that follows the team, only he has $3.5 billion dollars. We shall wait and see what materializes, but we're probably looking at a lengthy process to iron out the numerous details.

1. Why does most of America continue to rate Ben Roethlisberger any lower than the third-best quarterback in the NFL?

I had to save my soapbox question for last.

Rarely when any type of list comes out ranking quarterbacks does Roethlisberger land at third behind the obvious Brady/Manning coin-flip. Usually, it's either Carson Palmer, Tony Romo, Drew Brees, and now even Derek Anderson who get perceived as being superior to Roethlisberger. In his preseason QB rankings last year, Peter King had him ranked 17th, behind quarterbacks such as Chad Pennington and Jon Kitna, then had the audacity to say that he greatly valued winning in his equation.

So why does this perception exist?

Statistically, Roethlisberger was 2nd in the NFL in passing last year with 32 touchdowns, 3154 yards, and a 104.1 rating. Only Brady was better, and he had one of (if not the best) season a QB has ever had. For his career, Roethlisberger is 5th all-time with a 92.5 rating, a number higher than Montana, Marino, Favre, Elway, Unitas, and yes, Bradshaw.

From a wins-losses standpoint, the only loss he suffered in his rookie season was in the AFC Championship, and he won the Super Bowl in year two. 2006 was a total loss with the motorcycle wreck and appendectomy, and his play suffered as expected. Frankly, he was lucky to be alive, let alone play quarterback at a high level. But healthy again in '07, he was dominant despite a line that let him get sacked 47 times.

He's not as sexy of a story as Jessica & Romo (like Palmer, another QB who's never gotten past round one), he's not the new guy on the block like Anderson, and he wasn't as nationally covered in college like Palmer. But he is not a game manager. He has the capability to single-handedly will a team to victory, as he's done numerous times in his short career. His 2006 AFC playoff performance on the road to the Super Bowl was the stuff of legends, leading the team to road wins at Cincinnati, Indianapolis, and Denver. And he's a fearless player, regularly moving out of the pocket to extend plays and run when necessary, as his 204 yards in that category last year would indicate.

Is he as bothered as Steeler fans by the perceptions that he's incapable in some aspects as a quarterback? I highly doubt it. He's not the one sitting in front of the TV listening to this and/or sitting in front of a computer reading this, we are. Does it fuel him? Again, I doubt it. When a defense is bearing down on you and you need to make a play, I don't think words that Peter King wrote last July will be the first thing to pop into your mind.

As far as I'm concerned, people should continue to doubt Roethlisberger. It's happened every year he's been in the league, and I think he's had a pretty awesome career so far. Plus, it gives me something to talk about on a regular basis. Trade Roethlisberger for any QB in the league? No thanks.

Epilogue

After 3,400+ words and a serious amount of time taken away from my day job, it's back to watching the Steelers through my black-and-gold goggles. The always-too-long Steeler Preview, probably the only one with an epilogue, has come to an end. Fellow Steeler fans, I leave you with these words. Recite them to your friends ad nauseam throughout the season:

Here we go, Steelers, here we go.

Probably to cover up for the fact that she can't have wet dreams about Steely McBeam anymore. Now that everyone on earth but me has a tattoo, will old people in the future who don't have tattoos be the exception? Deep thoughts.

Until then just keep staring into the smoldering gaze of "Aunt" Agnes Falls.

Steely McGramma [Blog N Gold]

In a further sign that neither candidate is going to give an inch of ground when it comes to doling out sporting bona fides in swing states, John McCain stepped up his wooing of Pittsburgh voters by discussing his affinity for their football team.

"When I was first interrogated and really had to give some information because of the physical pressures that were on me, I named the starting lineup — defensive line — of the Pittsburgh Steelers as my squadron-mates!"

Not to be outdone, Barack Obama immediately responded to McCain's brazen attempt to claim the votes of Pittsburgh Steeler fans, "That's nothing," Obama said, "I blew Terry Bradshaw yesterday."

McCain named Steelers defensive line in POW camp [KDKA 2]

"My head is spinning," John said later. "This week has just been incredible and now this. It was like someone dropped me off at the wrong party. I felt like one of the kings of the city for a few minutes with those guys. I really can't think of experiencing anything better than this, except maybe going to Rome or meeting God for the first time."

And then, to prove that he's really from Pennsylvania:

As John Challis was standing between Mr. Lemieux and Mr. Rooney, he looked at them and said, "Wow. I never thought I'd be talking with two owners of sports teams in the city." "There's only one missing," Mr. Lemieux said, referring to the Pirates. John quickly replied, "Yeah, but at least the two winners are here."

John has done radio interviews with Scott Van Pelt on ESPN and Dan Patrick on Fox, and has been invited to games by the Boston Red Sox and Florida Marlins. And Roethlisberger is going to try and get him a visit to a Steelers practice. Marlins pitcher Mark Hendrickson read his story and called the Post-Gazette to set up a meeting with John.

"I read the story [on the Internet] and it was so touching and inspiring," Mr. Hendrickson said. "The date he found out he had cancer [June 23, 2006] is my birthday. As an athlete, maybe we can do something for him and his family. But he could help a lot of people, too, with his attitude. We have a lot of young guys on our team who are wide-eyed. His story and being around him could be humbling and good for them."

Penguins Honor Beaver County Teenager With Cancer [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
HS Baseball Cancer Battler Meets Mario And Big Ben [Sports by Brooks]
Perfect Game [Deadspin]

Santonio Holmes' penis was also seen wearing the tiara at the party while carrying two girls over to the wet bar.

Tiara And Sash a Good Look for Drunken Kickers [KSK]

A few quick hits as I prepare four posts about the Steelers' pick at 23:

• Just in time, Dickipedia has added a Mel Kiper, Jr. entry. No doubt some of his curt comments to Todd McShay will flesh that out by the end of the day.
• Already, Jake Long is making designs on his sizeable contract. And oooooohhhhhhweeeee, he's buying a Ford. Even though his daddy works for GMC. Least interesting rebellion ever. You work for Budweiser, dad? Well, here's Coors Light in your eye!
• Marvel at the throbbing excitement that is the Cleveland Browns' war room. The Power and the Glory soundtrack makes an soporific scene enticing.
• And, yes, Jets fans are bracing for the worst. And, failing that, bewbs!

  (Pic credit to The700Level)

Yes, Jeff Reed — party man and exhibitionist — will be the purveyor of first-pitch goodness on Thursday, June 5. We probably don't need to tell you what the special promotion is that night.

The Curve and New Britain Rockcats (Twins) wrap up their three-game series on Thursday night. Steelers placekicker Jeff Reed will throw out a ceremonial first pitch, take part in the Curve GameDay show, meet with fans and sign autographs. Gates open extra early at 5:30 p.m. so come early and enjoy great drink specials on Thirsty Thursday.

Make sure to bring your cellphones, kids.

Skippy + Thirsty Thursday = [Mondesi's House]

This pictures was sent via email from a person who claims that this photo of Holmes was found at xesalley.com, a site where horny ladies talk candidly about sex and share photos of dudes they've let run amok in their lady caves. (Kind of like Jezebel.)

Apparently, one person has taken Mr. Holmes' brown thermos to lunch a few times. Hopefully, her cervix survived that anaconda attack.

Full photo of Santonio de-McBeam'd here: (NSFW, obviously>)

The Pittsburgh-Tribune relays the grim tale:

Kenneth Hahey, 24, of Mt. Washington was charged with drunken driving after he was stopped in the South Side in January, according to Pittsburgh municipal court records. His blood alcohol level was .166, according to a police affidavit.

Steelers spokesman David Lockett said Hahey has been "released from his duties."

That wimpering sound you hear coming from across the Allegheny river are Kenneth Hahey's dreams dying.

Revealed: Steely McBeam Actor Arrested For DUI [Pittsburgh Tribune]

Southerners and the Civil War. That's perhaps the one group of people more single-mindedly embittered by an event than Seahawks fans and Super Bowl XL. "How dare those refs flag Darrell Jackson for pushing off Chris Hope directly in front of an official!?" "Calling Sean Locklear for a clear holding call on Clark Haggans stalled one of our key drives! No fair!" A short-order cook in Seattle decided that he could takes no more and in one expectoration, he could dispel all the lingering bitterness.

Yep, a 24-year-old cook working in a restaurant near Seattle was arrested for spitting in a Steelers fan's burger. Then cops found out he had some weed, which he blamed on the refs.

Deputies said the 37-year-old man in Steelers garb took his daughters to a Mile Hill Drive fast food restaurant Saturday evening, and "began trading friendly barbs about his team and their victory over the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XL," reports said.

One employee told the man that he'd "better not say that to the guy that's making your food," but the man thought it was a joke, reports said.

Okay, I'll cut the C-Hox fans some slack. This may have been justified. It's all a matter of degree, really. Exactly how much "Steelers garb" are we talking about here? Wearing a jersey in the middle of March and talking shit? That's a bit douchey. But if it's just a hat and some friendly banter — not so bad.

Also, apropos of, uh, the Steelers, I guess, I think Barack Obama might be their next running back.

Rooney says the Harrison arrest is different because he had a perfectly reasonable excuse for hitting her. Really.

"I know many are asking the question of [why] we released Wilson and Harrison we kept,'' he said. "The circumstances — I know of the incidents, they are completely different. In fact, when I say we don't condone these things, we don't, but we do have to look at the circumstances that are involved with other players and things like that, so they're not all the same."

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it," he said of Mr. Harrison's initial intent with his son. "He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn't want to do it."

You kind of have to admire that. Harrison could have set the lady on fire, but if he had just been trying to take the kid to church, it would have been totally understandable. Cedric Wilson should slap women around for honorable reasons. Live and learn, people.

Dan Rooney's Legacy Gets A Black Eye [Lion In Oil]

Wilson, 29, entered the Patron Mexican Grill in Pine Township shortly before 8 p.m. Wednesday night and saw Lindsey Paulat sitting at the bar, according to a criminal complaint filed by Northern Regional Police. Paulat told police Wilson pushed her on the shoulder and, when she turned around, punched her in the left side of her face before leaving promptly, according to the complaint.

The two have a history of domestic violence that includes gunplay and "a 12-hour police standoff," which is always fun. What isn't fun: They also have a 1-year-old daughter.

Steeler Allegedly Assaults Woman At Restaurant [MSNBC]
Steelers Release Cedrick Wilson [SFGate]
Patron Mexican Grill

Steeler fans around the world will be hanging their Terrible Towels at half mast today, as legendary broadcaster Myron Cope passed away at the age of 79. Cope was the Steelers' color commentator from 1970-2004 and became the first pro football broadcaster to be elected to the National Radio Hall of Fame in 2005.

Best known for his catchphrases, Cope had many of them: There was "Mmm-Hah!", "Okel Dokel" and his most famous, "Yoi!" (often "Double Yoi" or "Triple Yoi" in a moment of great excitement). In addition to being the creator of the Terrible Towel in 1975, Cope also fancied himself at the nickname game, popularizing "The Bus" for Jerome Bettis and creating "Slash" for Kordell Stewart. His radio show was also credited with making the phrase "Immaculate Reception" a household term. Think of his as a more likable version of Chris Berman, sans YouTube videos and "You're With Me, Leather" stories.

As much as Steeler fans will miss the playful side of Myron, it's the serious side that will leave an equal void. Cope's son Daniel was born with autism and has battled it his entire life, confined to an institution that can fulfill his special needs. So in 1996, Cope made the decision to contribute his ownership of the Terrible Towel trademarks to the Allegheny Valley School, a Pittsburgh institution that provides care for more than 900 mentally and physically disabled individuals. Proceeds from towel sales have helped raise over $1 million for the school.

Football is always taken a little too seriously in Pittsburgh, so when the voice of 35 years no longer walks among us, trust me, it is a huge loss. And while the Steelers family has suffered numerous losses in the last few years (most recently Ernie Holmes), Cope's death would probably rank as the biggest loss since the passing of founder Art Rooney in 1988. Although I was only 11 years old at that time, I can remember The Chief's passing being treated with the same reverance as the death of a pope. Expect something along those lines for Cope.

I realize that I'm known for a sarcastic take on Pittsburgh sports, but in all honesty, I'm having a hard time showing anything but sadness when discussing this news. Yes, he was goofy and he was schticky, but he was our goofy and schticky guy. He was a Yinzer through and through. He epitomized the city of Pittsburgh and connected with the vast majority of Steeler Nation. His nasal delivery, his nicknames, his catchphrases...they would all be looked at as pure filler today. But somehow he was able to pull it off, and for 35 years at that.

His influence on the Steelers and pro sports in general cannot be discounted. Yes, the Terrible Towel was a gimmick, but now it's copied on some level (and poorly, I might add) by countless teams during a playoff run. And at least Myron's version is doing some good for people.

Our city has a lot going on right now. We have a college basketball team with an RPI of 26 who's knocked off Georgetown and Duke. We have a Stanley Cup-contending team who just picked up a hired gun for the stretch run. But despite all of that, today the legendary Myron Cope will get his much-deserved final turn in the spotlight. We'll miss you, Myron.

Therefore, Football Guys, the official chatroom of the NFL. It will run here on Deadspin weekly, every Tuesday, until the end of the NFL season. So do enjoy, after the jump.

Enjoy the match up of true Pennsylvania steel versus southern rednecks with hunting rifles...

-Wow, almost back-to-back scores there. Deuce got loose inside the big hamper and MJD brought the ensuing kick back to the half yard-line. It was downright sexy, and I've been drinking. Time for dinner, I'll check back later.

-At halftime everything is going according to plan. Jacksonville is dominating and Big Ben is clearly drunk.

Jacksonville 21 - 7 Pittsburgh

A look at predictions from around the Interwebs:

• Cool Standings: Steelers.
• Football Outsiders: Jaguars.
• Michael David Smith: Jaguars.
• Big Daddy Drew: Jaguars.
• Dan Shanoff: Jaguars.
• AJ Daulerio: Jaguars.
• DEADSPIN: Steelers. Everyone's obsessed with that potential Jaguars-Patriots matchup ... but Mike Tomlim is so dreamy!

Your thoughts?

Yes, at long last, Najeh Davenport, the hamper shitter, has a starting role for a contending NFL team. We've been waiting for this day for a while. Let the jokes reign free. Our personal favorite is that Davenport will "fill Parker's shoes." We are quite certain that he will.

Much Ado About Pigskin Poo [Wired]

The Steelers' quest to get back on track hits St. Louis tonight, and they should probably beware: The Rams haven't looked as awful lately. (Just in time to ruin their draft pick.)

This is another NFL Network game, so people are scrambling to figure out ways to watch it. (No NFL Network in Pittsburgh, though it will be on local stations.) Supposedly that NFL Live thing is online, but we remind you that it does not, in fact, show you the whole game, instead giving you "look-ins." Because that's what you want from a football game; those helpless moments of having no idea what's happening sporadically interrupted by two minutes of actions as you scramble to catch up.

Anyway, yeah, pre-Christmas football. Big Ben goes well with the nog.

Actually, for a 3-0 game, there was some enjoyable moments, not least of which was the return of Ricky Williams, who ran for 15 yards — there were no yardlines, so that number's pretty much a guess — on six carries before getting hurt, of course. (Football is somewhat rougher than yoga, apparently.) The highlight might have been Joey Porter intercepting a pass and then taunting his former Steelers teammates. We think that Joey Porter's career could not wrap up in any more fitting a fashion than on a winless team, with Joey still jumping around and barking.

Sometimes we think football would be more fun if every field were just soaked and muddy. Especially domed games. Everyone would be so confused.

Steelers 3, Dolphins 0 [The Phins Blog]

It seems unlikely it'll happen this week; maybe the Dolphins should play the freaking Buzzsaw. The Steelers should have themselves some fun tonight, though it'll be amusing to hear Kornheiser attempt to come up with John Beck jokes. So, you know, enjoy, if you can: If only this were the game on the NFL network.

The newest one is from The Turnkey Team Brand Index, whatever that is, and they rate how teams do locally rather than nationally. You have to buy the book to find out the final results — not bloody likely — but Sports Business Journal has the rundown. No. 1 are the Pittsburgh Steelers, followed by the New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, Boston Red Sox, Buffalo Sabres, San Antonio Spurs, Detroit Red Wings, New Orleans Saints and the St. Louis Cardinals. The bottom five: Washington Capitals, Portland Trail Blazers, Seattle Sonics, Atlanta Hawks and, in last place, our Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. Yep: They finished behind a team that's begging to leave. Nice.

How Teams Rank In The Turnkey Team Brand Index [Sports Business Journal]

By the way, athletes are always being hammered for having "contract years," in which they play harder when they know they're going to be a free agent. Shouldn't Brian Billick have to give back part of the contract extension he got last year? That team's offense has never, ever gotten better, and now the defense is old. And he's not going anywhere, for a while.

That's It ESPN, Let Your Analysts Try And Yell Their Pointless Picks Over The National Anthem [Awful Announcing]

Pittsburgh is the runaway leader, with 34 percent of the women living in the Steelers' market identifying themselves as fans. Green Bay was second with 29.4 percent, but no other market surveyed had even one-quarter of its women identify themselves as fans. Buffalo was third with 23.7 percent, followed by Cincinnati (22.8 percent), Kansas City (22.4 percent), Jacksonville (21.7 percent), Baltimore and Boston (21.5 percent) and Denver, Tampa-St. Petersburg and Washington, D.C. (20.9 percent).

Now, I have yet to see a survey that wo