Bears Say Fans Need To Chill Out

After getting jeered out of the building Sunday, Brian Urlacher spoke for presumably more than a few of his teammates. "The only team in our division that gets booed at home is us," Urlacher said. "It's unbelievable to me." » 12/21/12 4:45pm 12/21/12 4:45pm

Stay Classy, San Diego


Yesterday, San Diego Padres first baseman Phil Nevin rejected a trade by the team for the third time, keeping him in San Diego and Sidney Ponson in Baltimore. (In the past, Nevin was almost traded for both Ken Griffey Jr. and Jeromy Burnitz.) The Padres, who are just one game over .500 and three games ahead of… » 7/26/05 9:41am 7/26/05 9:41am

Oprah Winfrey, The New Lombardi


Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is notorious for being talented, brash and way-too-loud-mouthed. Kind of like Oprah! OK, not really, but Johnson confesses that the real point of his football career is to figure out a way to make it on Oprah's show. Johnson says: » 7/25/05 10:01am 7/25/05 10:01am

Kurt Warner, Busy Man, Getting Busy


New Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner is renowned for his firm Christian values and devotion to family, his wife and God. (Not in that order.) He also, according to an interview with the Arizona Cardinals Web site, can apparently inseminate his wife just by looking at her. » 6/28/05 1:20pm 6/28/05 1:20pm

For My Next Trick, I Will Get Punched In The Face Repeatedly


Many NBA players — all athletes, really — find that once their careers are over, they aren't quite sure what to do with themselves. Should they become a coach? A commentator? Start a car dealership? Spend some time with their 14 children spread across the country? NBA veteran Kendall Gill has a novel concept: He's … » 6/23/05 11:24am 6/23/05 11:24am

He Does, However, Have Nice Pores

Carolina Panthers defensive tackle Kris Jenkins, after admitting that he "drank too much" in the offseason, sent this Valentine to Raiders defensive tackle Warren Sapp yesterday: » 6/03/05 10:17am 6/03/05 10:17am

Jake Plummer: Anti-War Activist

Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer fought the NFL last year when he wanted to honor former teammate Pat Tillman by wearing his number on his jersey. Now Plummer, longer-maned and looking awfully MoveOn.Org-y, is taking on a larger target: The government. Plummer is clearly still very upset with the military's duping of… » 6/02/05 10:56am 6/02/05 10:56am

Man, That Paul Shirley IS Funny!


Phoenix Suns forward Paul Shirley, beloved bethrothed to Our Bill Simmons, is posting again, because he's certainly not playing. We find him slightly less amusing than everyone else does, but this week, he does have his moments: » 5/23/05 10:57am 5/23/05 10:57am

Careful Of The Hairs On the Gatorade Bottle

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice aren't just the only two black Republicans: They're also the only two black Republicans who want to be NFL Commissioner. Thomas told the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel that he would "lo-o-ove to be the NFL commissioner" when Paul Tagliabue steps… » 5/16/05 1:50pm 5/16/05 1:50pm