65-year-old Abraham Kortotki signed up for the all-limit Texas Hold'em tourney at the Borgata on Saturday, and casino officials were powerless to stop him from entering. And the 261 other players, all female, were equally powerless to stop him from taking the pot of more than $20,000.

The Borgata put out a statement:

In the spirit of this event, it was our hope that only women would have participated, as has happened in the past. . . . However, given legal requirements, we must allow anyone who is over the age of 21 the opportunity to participate."

You're damn straight you must. If women think they have the right to intrude into our workplaces and subway cars, then they should stop complaining when we enter their poker tournaments.

Adding to the absurdity of this is second-place finisher Nicole Rowe, who "said she was upset Kortotki refused to share his winnings with her." Which would be much more chivalrous that what he is doing, which is donating the money to three charities.

So what's the lesson here? Men are better than women at everything, including sports with no athleticism required.

Man Wins Big In All-Women Poker Tournament [WPIX]

Man has long yearned to answer the life-affirming question: "Who is the toughest pool player in the world?" That was the initial brainstorm behind "Pool, Poker, and Pain," an as-yet-unrealized reality show that looks to combine three of the seediest up-and-coming pastimes in America—pool, poker, and mixed martial arts. This is right up there with the modern pentathlon, chess boxing and whatever the heck this is, as one of the great sports-hybrid ideas of all time.

After all, all three arenas have a knack for attracting shady, untrustworthy characters willing to risk almost anything to scam somebody out of ten bucks. Throw in the high-rolling gambling element and the potential for seeing untrained, nonathletic pool players put each other in choke holds and I really don't understand why this isn't on Spike already.

Extreme billiards! Angry card players seeking revenge for a bad beat! (Literally!) If they would just let them take broken pool cues into the octagon, the pay-per-view alone would bailout our economy.

New Sport: Poker, Pool and Pain? [Deuce of Davenport]
Billiards Reality Show Gets Boost [Inside Pool Mag]

World Series of Poker broadcasts have typically aired months after the actual event took place, after producers have had time to edit the contest down to only its most essential and interesting moments. Unfortunately, that means poker fans have known the outcome of the contest long before it shows up on television. So ESPN came up with the ingenious idea to delay the playing of the final table, air all the coverage leading up to it, then finish the whole thing off in one glorious burst. Play resumed on Sunday, as they pared the final nine down to the final two. Those two then went head-to-head last night in a four-hour showdown, which will be broadcast (in highlight form) tonight on the WWL.

Of course, even though this was a year-long made-for-TV event, ESPN is still a news organization so they did feel it was necessary to report the winner to anyone who might care. (Even if anyone who cares probably doesn't want to know until tonight.) If only someone had told Josh Elliott that SportsCenter is not broadcast on radio, his spoiler warning might have been a little more effective. Those waiting for Josh's "high sign" to resume watching probably also noticed the graphic that gives the store away.

Again, DO NOT CLICK on this video if you don't want to know who won, but do click if you enjoy the charming bungling of Bristol's finest.

WSOP Final Table (SPOILERS @ Casino City Times)

The nine players left have become minor celebrities, including one that got to meet Albert Pujols and throw out the first pitch at Busch Stadium just because he wore a Cardinals hat during his summer work. A fan club has been built for at least one other. All have been taking advantage of the new-found fame to work on their game in larger tournaments than they ever could have entered before.

Therefore, they're all winners now and don't even need to play the final table. (Except, you know, the eight that lose the chance at $9m. That's still kinda important.)

UPDATE: The Main Event final table goodness will be played Sunday and Monday as promised above, but the televised event is Tuesday 9-11 pm ET on the Worldwide Leader. Thanks to Rock You Like an Iracane for the correction. By the way, we hear through unnamed sources that he's liveblogging the event.

World Series of Poker nears finish [Las Vegas Review-Journal]

World Series of Poker Radio can now be heard on more than 200 stations, which is great news for all those people who are as embarrassed to admit their poker fetish as much as they are to confess they know all the words to "At Seventeen" and sing it loudly while driving to work whenever I hear it on the radio. Erm, when they hear it on the radio.

If they do some play-by-play poker — and sweet bountiful Ra, I hope they do — it might sound a little bland at first. But they can always spice up the action with some Orson Welles-inspired plotlines.

"Moneymaker calls. Hellmuth and Moneymaker stare blankly at each other. And the river card is ... the six of spades. Hellmuth and Moneymaker stare blankly at each other. Hellmuth looks to be doing some kind of nervous tic with his chips. Is he going to bet? No ... no, not yet. Now he— oh my GOD, THE ZOMBIE OF STU UNGAR IS EATING THE SKULL OF DANIEL NEGREANU! ISN'T THERE ANYONE ON THE AIR?"

World Series of Poker® Available To More Than 200 Stations [WSoP]

At Least Some Poker Players Are Athletes [Shakedown Sports]

NBC will air the World Series of Golf, a made for tv event, on June 23rd and 24th. Fox is raising the stakes with the Ultimate Game at Wynn Las Vegas which will air June 9th and 10th. The "Ultimate Game" was originally thought up over 10 years ago by former NFL quarterback Steve Bartkowski. Both the NBC and Fox version of Golf/Poker (Goker?? Polf??) require the entrants to put up their own money. The Fox entry fee is 50k apiece for the 40 contestants. The 40 is whittled down to 12 through match play, and then there's a 36 hole stroke-play tournament for the 2 million dollar check.

If Michael Jordan isn't a part of this, someone in his entourage is clearly not looking out for his best interests. We love that people have their own buy-ins and their own money on the line. Someone's gonna commit suicide on live television.

Golf/Poker Michael Jordan Heaven [You've Been Blinded]

Mainly, she's been working on her Gold Digger Poker site, and it seems it's paying off. Benson has had considerable success at the World Series of Poker, advancing to at least today's round (we haven't heard more word since then; the WSOP is not so good at the live updates).

Personally, as mentioned, we're not too crazy about considering poker a sport; if ESPN didn't broadcast the WSOP, no one would think of it that way at all. But, when you remember that Benson was suspended for 10 minutes during the tournament last year for cursing, we're glad to see she's improving. Though when she eventually does lose, we will be disappointed if she doesn't take a bite out of the person who eliminates her.

Benson Knocks Out That 70s Show's Prepon [Vegas Syndicate]
Anna Benson Will Fight For Her Right For Fur [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: As several commenters have noted, Benson "busted" in glorious fashion late yesterday, as captured by the charming fellows at Wicked Chops.)

Thus Far Today:
• Louie Anderson received a 10-minute penalty for repeated use of the word "fuck."
• 2004 runner-up Sammy Farha was busted with a full house.
• Penn & Teller were on hand for the ceremonial "Shuffle up and deal" announcement. That had to get people fired up.
• The first player eliminated on the day was gone in three minutes. That's $55.55 per second of life in the tournament.

Yesterday:
• Phil Hellmuth showed up late, as usual, and then busted out of the tournament is six hours. Applause and laughter seemed to be the general reaction in the room.
• Real player eliminations: Doyle Brunson, Tiffany Williamson, Gavin Smith, Evelyn Ng, Miami John Cernuto, Barry Shulman and Howard Lederer.
• With thanks to commentor " Sh!tShow," the cardplayer.com headline when Ron Jeremy was eliminated read, " Ron Jeremy Busts."
• Golf pro Paul Azinger made it through the day.
• Other celebrity eliminations: Shannon Elizabeth, and Brad Garett.

And I offer the Shannon Elizabeth picture as an apology to those of you who don't care about poker.

WSOP Live Updates [CardPlayer.com]

• The people at the Rio were mad about all the ".com" advertisements people were sporting, so you're going to see a lot of black tape on people's hats and shirts when ESPN finally gets around to televising things.
• The first elimination took 7 minutes. There's $10,000 well spent.
• Norm MacDonald held the chip the lead at one point. He was eventually busted.
• A woman dressed as a nun was the chip leader at various points through the day.
• Tobey Maguire lasted a few rounds, until he was busted by Mike Sexton.
• Among the other celebrity eliminations: Mekhi Phifer, Antonio Tarver, Matthew Lillard, James Garner.
• Among the real player eliminations: Amir Vahedi, Clonie Gowen, Dan Harrington, Gus Hansen, Dutch Boyd, and Chris Ferguson.
• The chip leader after Day 1A is Paul McCaffrey. This means absolutely nothing.

Day 1 at the World Series of Poker [MSNBC]
Dr. Pauly's WSOP Main Event Day 1A Recap [Poker Prof's Poker Blog]
WSOP Updates - Main Event, Day One 'A' Begins [Poker News]

I have my doubts. There's plenty of video out there of Mikey "playing poker." Here's a recent clip from Good Morning America, where Mikey behaves randomly, and then his trainer claims that he recognized the pair of threes he made on the river. There's a video below from YouTube. And he's not playing poker here, but The Realests has video of Mikey absolutely ruining an achorwoman's day.

My bold prediction is that Mikey's never going to see a table. And when you can't behave well enough to sit at a table at the World Series of Poker, then you're in real trouble.

The Poker Playing Monkey [Saved by the Blog]
Realest of the Week [The Realests]

We are told, repeatedly, how playing poker at the highest level is a certain kind of genius, that the truest professionals work their way up to become masters of their craft. The camera leans in, extreme, as every muscle exemplifies the most arcane, subtle and labyrinthine strategy.

And then they have their big World Series of Poker, and some random kid starts winning events. Jeff Madsen, a 21-year-old film student, won his WSOP bracelet yesterday, in his first tournament, mostly because a month and a half ago he wasn't even old enough to get in the casino.

The actual World Series of Poker is just over a week away, and some people are onto this way of thinking: After all, this guy's playing. And we're starting to think he has as good a chance of winning as anyone.

LA Student Becomes Youngest To Win WSOP Event [Las Vegas Sun]
MonkeyShare.net [Official Site]

If I remember correctly, last year's tournament ended at something like 7 a.m. eastern time, and took over thirteen hours. Hey, I like poker as much as the next guy, but I don't think I'm ever going to be up for watching 13 straight hours of anything. If I was playing at the final table, I'm not sure I'd be interested for all 13 hours. I'm more likely to buy a pay-per-view broadcast of Finger Jousting.

There's a reason that ESPN chops this thing up into nice little one-hour blocks of television. Poker includes long, long, stretches of boredom, unless you really love watching people you've never heard of fold repeatedly. If you think soccer is boring, try ordering this thing.

ESPN And Milwaukee's Best Extend With World Series of Poker [Poker News]

I suppose it was only a matter of time before Anna Benson lent her name, credibility, and dignity to the world of online gambling. Anna has signed a deal to endorse "Golden Spirit Poker."

I've got nothing against online poker. I myself have played the occasional hand. But somehow, online poker rooms now seem kinda... sleazy. I didn't feel that way yesterday. But now that Anna Benson's involved... eh, no thank you. I don't feel like playing anymore. I think it takes someone truly remarkable to make online poker seem sleazy.

The woman frightens me, to be quite honest with you. If I had to choose a roommate, and my choices were Anna Benson and Ron Artest, then I'm about to become real acquainted with the artists on the TruWarier label.