<![CDATA[Deadspin: polls]]> http://tags.deadspin.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/deadspin.com.png <![CDATA[Deadspin: polls]]> http://deadspin.com/tag/polls http://deadspin.com/tag/polls <![CDATA[The Final FAILgate: Please Pick The Most Pathetic Winning Entry]]> So here is the final FAILgate for this year, replete with a voting poll where you, Deadspin nation, will get to decide which lucky individual walks home with the coveted "Deadspin Prize Pack."

Below you'll find the winners from each week of FAILgate. Read them over again (if you'd like) or just start pressing buttons in the section below. Vote for your favorite number, if your brain is too cloudy to make a well-informed decision.

The winner will receive:

*A box full of sports books and other assorted items, like, food and stuff.

Yay! Read and vote.

WEEK 1 WINNER:

Freshman year at Auburn University. I had just started drinking heavily, and did so the night before the LSU game. We're out tailgating near the stadium. Not being familiar with the beer shits that follow binge drinking, I attempted a fart. But it came out wet and I notice the beershits trickling out of my shorts. So I make some BS excuse and take off sprinting towards the dorm to change pants. But I run behind a Jeep and directly into the bike rack hanging off the spare tire. I was clotheslined like Bradshaw had ran by and was flat on my back. With shit in my pants. My friends are laughing their ass off, but they still don't know why I was running so hard. It was because I had shit my pants. FAILGATE. Auburn won btw. Thank God I am not superstitious.

WEEK 2 WINNER:

When my group of friends were in college (roughly 2003-2007) at the University of Tennessee, we always represented ourselves well at tailgates. And by well, I mean we showcased drunken behavior that bordered on total disregard for any laws or code of ethics that exist in today's modern society.

However, for some reason our tailgates at away games were generally much more out of control and produced downright criminal behavior. One particular trip that stands out is a voyage we made down to UGA for the UT-Georgia game in 2006. There are several hilarious stories from this particular weekend, however the one that gets brought up most went something like this.

On this particular day, our friend [Redacted] was quite possibly the most inebriated human in Athens, GA. [Redacted] had downed what was being reported as "close to a handle of gin" by noon or so. Kick-off was around 8 p.m. that night. Long story short, everyone at the tailgate is fully aware of [Redacted]'s drunken state.



The kid has fallen down several times (as evident by his dirty...are those white jeans?) and is a total mess. Our friend [Redacted], in the navy hat decides to openly mock him in front of the entire tailgate for being so drunk.



[Redacted] defends himself by doing the only logical thing in his mind at that point; passionately kissing him on the mouth in front of nearly 100 close friends, attractive women, and total strangers.



The following pictures capture the moment incredibly well...[Redacted] is knocked down by a blow from [Redacted] and helped up to his feet. Meanwhile, [Redcacted] spits repetitively in disgust, then realizes that the forceful nature of a man on man kiss has destroyed his Ray Bans. He is then consoled by a good friend and announces to the tailgate that [Redacted] is "a lousy fucking kisser."



On a side note, [Redacted] later is taken to the hospital by a friend for alcohol poisoning. The friend is asked by the nurses in Athens if he "can get his friend to stop using so much loud profanity and being so uncooperative." [Redacted] is later seen holding a beer at a bar in a near catatonic state, hospital bracelet on wrist.

*names redacted because people don't want to get fired.

WEEK 3 WINNER:

My friend Dominic is a short, stocky, proud Italian with a short temper. One might say he has a case of small-man syndrome (hates everyone because they are taller than him). Dominic also has the inability to control his drunk. This story happens the weekend of last years Mizzou-Illinois game in St. Louis. Right before we leave Columbia he proudly announces that he doesn't plan on drinking that much...which we all knew was a lie. We reach St. Louis and meet up with my other friend Mark's family at their hotel near the Edward Jones Dome. After pregaming in the hotel and all of us taking our fair share of shots we were ready to head to the tailgate. At this point Dominic was already in a great mood, yelling at any and every Illinois fan in sight, no women or children were spared. To one Illinois mother and child he bellowed "You were born into the wrong fucking family baby!" To an elderly Illinois man, in his best Macho Man Randy Savage voice he yells "Illinois is going DOWN!!, THE WHOLE FUCKING STATE".

By the time we got to the tailgate the pregaming had kicked in (for everyone else anyway) and everyone was in full throttle drinking mode including parents and family friends. Shotgunning beers, Petron shots and boxing with MMA fighters in the gravel parking lot. After seeing Dominic posted up casually on the side of a truck, shitfaced, taking in the scenery with his penis hanging out of the crotch of his pants I knew it would be an eventful day.

It was time to go into the game and Dominic cannot walk. Luckily an ex-Mizzou alum Dominic had made friends with earlier (he was also Italian and Italians love talking about being Italian) was kind enough to throw him over his shoulder and slump his lifeless body to the stadium for us. After being refused at multiple gates, it was time for Plan B because we obviously weren't getting into the game. So we flagged a cab and threw Dominic in and took him back to Mark's car we left in a parking garage a few blocks away. There wasn't much life left in Dominic but he put up quite the fight and was determined get to the game that we had voluntarily abandoned for him already. We put him in the back of Mark's car hoping he would just pass out but to no avail. None of us wanted to babysit Dominic so we did the rational thing and stuck him in the back with the child locks on. Thinking that we had this problem taken care of we headed into the game. How naive we were.

Around half time our friend Bones (nickname from HS) gets a phone call, who else could it be but two Jamaican security guards, "Bones? Bones? Tis dis Bones? We found your friend Big Sexy, we have Big Sexy" (Dominic has a tattoo on his ass that says "Big Sexy" in the Italian colors of green, white, and red...I told you he is a very proud man). Bones leaves the game to go see what the hell was going on. He finds Dominic puking outside the parking garage with the two security guards. It turns out that Dominic had been found face down on the concrete in the middle of the parking garage (a floor down from the car at that), pants (and boxers) around his ankles, dick on the pavement, and had shat himself. Quite the mess. But Dominic still had one more trick up his sleeve. We walked back to the car and Mark erupts into anger "What the fuck?! What the fuck!!" There was glass all over the ground near Mark's car because his back seat window had been knocked out. Mark takes the empty plastic liquor handle he was holding and slings it directly into Dominic's forehead then slams him to the ground. Dominic was so fucked up he thought he had gone into the game with everyone else and took a lot of convincing before he finally believed us. Dominic was pissed off about being in the car and not being able to get out so he kicked out the side window, fell out of the car, crawled to his feet, wandered down a level only to fall down pass out face first in the middle of the garage driveway with his dick out and his pants covered in shit. We still aren't sure why his dick was out. Now that, is a true fan.

WEEK 4 WINNER:

The following isn't your typical FAILgate story. It doesn't involve cops, fights, trips to the drunk tank, or wang exposure to the innocent (at least that we were aware of). It's a story about a man and his hair-color-matching vest.

It was February 2006, about a dozen friends and I had descended upon the parking lots of Lambeau Field for a truly epic sporting event. Our beloved Wisconsin Badger hockey team was taking on the Ohio State Buckeyes in the first ever hockey game at Lambeau. We knew that a certain level of intoxication must be achieved to watch outdoor hockey in Green Bay that time of year, so we arrived early for the afternoon puck-drop.

The tailgating scene was fantastic, and we quickly made friends with the other reasonably sized groups of Badger fans nearby. And then an hour or two into it, we saw him. He was wandering around our area, completely shit-canned, and he was dressed in layers, topped off by a vest that remarkably was the exact same color as his hair. At the time, that aspect for some reason was hysterical to most of us. Thinking he was with one of the other groups, we asked around only to discover nobody really knew who he was. Could it be? Had destiny placed him in our midst?

Not caring enough to know his actual name, he immediately adopted the nickname Vest (did I mention his vest was the same color as his hair?). And Vest meant fucking business as he decided to impress us with his beer slamming abilities. We formed a circle around Vest, started a slow clap, and began to chant…

"Vest!...Vest!...Vest!..."

He ripped through that first PBR and triumphantly hurled the can one aisle over into a group of unsuspecting tailgaters, much to our delight. We suspect Vest might not have been drinking the entire can, as it doesn't seem there's any way one could throw an empty beer can that far. But I also didn't think a person could so perfectly match a vest to the color of his own hair.

Thinking he had done the job, Vest attempted to exit the circle. But we wanted more. The circle tightened as others gathered in, and someone tossed him another beer.

"Vest!...Vest!...Vest!..."

A group of probably 30 of us at this point were cheering on Vest as he continued to pound and hurl his somewhat empty beer cans with everything he had, miraculously not drawing the attention of cops who were patrolling the lot. This scene repeated itself for probably 5 total beers until Vest, clearly overcome by the enormity of his accomplishment, yacked all over the ground and himself.



Presumably using the motto "to be the best, you gotta beat the best," a friend of ours challenged Vest to a series of Franzia-bongs. Because if you're going to consume Franzia, it had better at least be through a beer bong. The challenge was also issued through a sumo pose of sorts…..I remember it making perfect sense at the time.

After the two successfully completed a few Franzia-bongs, Vest was gone just like that. Off to where, who knew? Well, we didn't know at the time, but now have an idea. After the weekend when I uploaded my pictures, I noticed something about Vest that a lot of us somehow had missed while we were in his presence; Vest was wearing a press pass, as you can see in the previous picture. Had we been blinded by the vest? Possibly. Either way, this leads one to believe that Vest had left our tailgate to head into the stadium with soaked clothes while reeking of PBR, Doritos, and stomach acid, and drunk off his ass to perform a job, one which he possibly had to interact with other people. Vest was clearly not about to let a job get in the way of a good tailgate, and for that he deserves the utmost respect.

The legend of Vest has lived on amongst our group of friends, as we frequently reminisce that glorious day. Roughly a year later, we heard a story about a writer for a Badger sports website who showed up at a Badger road football game to cover the game and ended up getting kicked out of the press box because he was wasted, argumentative with other reporters, and passed out during the 2nd quarter. Could this have been Vest? Who knows...maybe that's just how he rolls? Frankly I'm not sure I even want to know. I'm perfectly content remembering him as the mystery man who inspired dozens that frigid afternoon with his grit, his determination, and his exuberance. And also his vest.



WEEK 5 WINNER:

A series of events contributed to this particular FAILgate, events in which the principals go unpunished, except for a relatively innocent bystander.

The morning after Halloween in East Lansing was a perfect day for the UM-MSU tailgate, and my crew embarked upon it in costumed grandeur. Having little ambition due to being drunk the night before, my costume consited of a hockey mask. My hearty companions dressed up as Uncle Sam, a sperm, and a penis.

Our journey to the tailgating area inexplicably was without interference from law enforcement. As large crowds, including several police officers, passed in front of our prime partying spot on Grand River Ave, I proceeded to chug several beers through my hockey mask. This was much to the amusement of passing crowds, especially when I proceded to barf with my hockey mask still in place, creating an odd "sieving" effect. Despite gross distrubance of the peace, the police seemed preoccupied with crowd control.

We soon starting walking toward the tailgate, at one point passing a homeless fellow who happened to have a perfectly functional, albeit soiled, paper towel. Having puke all over my person, I made a fairly large deal out of purchasing this paper towel for $3, which got a cheer from the younger members of the crowd (older members who I assume were alumni, were not as amused).

Which brings us to the penis and sperm. In the meantime, sperm (dressed in all white with white extension cord hanging out of the ass to signify "motility") had to take a piss, right on the MSU student union. The penis, sensing a prime burn opportunity, speared the peeing sperm into the building and bushes, getting much attention and cheering from the crowd. The sperm, having richocheted off the brick facade, was bloodied in several places. This led to many people to believe that sperm was actually dressed as a used tampon the rest of the day. However, this assault still did not get the attention of police, still preoccupied with crowd control.

The "piss spearing" had a profound effect on Uncle Sam, and he refused to piss the rest of the walk. Having recently been busted for minor in possession of alcohol, he wished to maintain a low profile and avoid law enforcement as much as possible.

When we finally got to the tailgate, much attention was given to our entrance thanks to being accompanied by a 5 and a half foot bloody playtex plug. Uncle Sam seized the opportunity and ran into the woods to relieve himself. However, he somehow pissed no less than 20 feet from a sheriff's deputy, causing him to be detained for urination in public. Due to his recent legal troubles, he was detained at the county lockup.

Having no sober friends or relatives within 100 miles, Uncle Sam had to wait until the next day to be picked up from jail, still in full costume. Coincidentially, me and the penis scored student section tickets for $20, and penis pissed in the middle of the student section in the 2nd quarter.

WEEK 6 WINNER:



This fine young man was found in this state at about 8:45 a.m while tailgating for the annual Michigan-Michigan State game. A game which our friends in Ann Arbor would lead you to believe doesn't really matter, since MSU is not their rival. But I digress. Thousands of Walmart Wolverines descend on East Lansing every other year for this game. Every college-aged kid that knows someone enrolled at Michigan State will be making the trek to see how tailgating is really done, and with the hopes that they can participate in some couch burning or tear gas breathing. Year after year it never fails that hundreds, if not thousands of Chippewas, Cardinals, Bulldogs, Lakers, Broncos, Wolverines and the high school siblings of all of the above flock to East Lansing to participate.

Sometime around 8:00 am this young lad was seen stumbling around several tailgates, before coming to rest against a van. After an exchange with the owner of the vehicle, and some angry words from the young man's friend, the two stumbled away to drink more. Not 45 minutes later, after coming up for air from shotgunning a beer, my eyes were drawn to this young lad apparently sleeping on a van across the narrow parking lot from our tailgate tents.

Drawn to him like a bat to light (or is it moths?) several of us at our tailgate went to observe the beast in his natural habitat. After many pictures were snapped, including several onlookers posing next with him some semblance of humanity prevailed and someone called 911. Making their first run of the day, East Lansing's finest paramedics exited the vehicle saying only to us, "Is he a Michigan fan?"

After the young man was woken up by an onlooker just prior to the paramedics getting to him just 20 feet away, he tried to run, but apparently his brain did not tell his legs as he ate it and bloodied his nose against the van, all the while vomit trickling down his face and jacket. Some of it had even pooled in the folds of his excessively sagging pants. After the impromptu photo shoot the paramedics strapped him to the stretcher loaded him in the back and allowed MSU Police to write him his well deserved and hard earner Minor in Possession Ticket.

WEEK 7 WINNER:

In 2006 (I believe) some friends who are big Michigan fans and myself, a UMiami supporter, decided out of their love of Michigan and my love of college football (and more importantly Miami having an off week) that we'd head north from our Southern Indiana command center and take in the annual pillowfight that is IU vs. Michigan.. We arrived Friday night, and with beers cracked at 5:30am Saturday we headed into Ann Arbor to find a spot to plant our flag. We set up shop between a drug store and a car wash in an empty grass lot that during football season doubles as a parking lot.

No sooner than the first member of our team finished a beer, we were set upon by bums. "Hey man, can I have that empty?" it became like clock work hordes of bums would circulate through the lot looking to help you offload some of those cumbersome aluminum cans.

As the morning wore on it occurred that we had been remiss in not bringing anything edible. I mean nothing in that van would serve as food. Luckily some guy had set up shop selling fried chicken. Being generally fat and most certainly drunk we ended up purchasing (conservative estimate) a combined 1,200 pieces of chicken. The mountain of bones that accumulated resembled that of the pirate piano ("Play the right note or we'll all b flat") in The Goonies. As is usually the case after we burned through a ton of beers, that bitch mother nature came a'calling. With the only option a port-a-potty a mile away, with a line just as long we had to find something better. We had arrived in a conversion van with instead of a sliding door, 2 doors that opened outwards. And when opened formed something like the dividers in a men's bathroom at the urinals. So we all took our turn filling up a McDonald's cup and dumping it out on the pile of chicken bones we had been piling up on the opposite side of the van.

We hit the game, returned to the van and found the van and found the pile of our urine soaked bones gone. "Maybe some community service kids were picking up trash or something?" this was quickly ruled out as our and everyone else's trash was still billowing throughout the lot. "Uh-oh man, check that out" we all turned in horror to see one bum after another gnawing on the bones we had been dumping our piss on for the better part of 7 hours.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Barbaro]]> Oh, like he wasn't going to get a nomination. Barbaro will be nominated until you guys finally come to your senses and elect him.

To remind, here are the vote totals for Barbaro in the first three years of Deadspin Hall of Fame voting:

2006: 31.1 percent.
2007: 74.6 percent.
2008: 73.7 percent.

So close, so far. Will he get his Joe Gordon on this year?

You decide. Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Stephon Marbury]]> There is always a danger, when documenting the cascading madness of a public figure, that they will someday snap, clouding all your previous coverage in tragedy.

Fortunately ... as of now, Stephon is still with us, losing his mind and both entertaining and unsettling us in the process. So we can keep the fun going!

Just watch this snippet again. And that's just a SNIPPET. Marbury would have been a potential nominee had he never heard of Ustream. Now? I think Daulerio should offer him a job.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Jay Mariotti]]> Oh, Jay, Jay, Jay. You are an evil temptress. No matter how hard we try, we just can't help ourselves from making you more famous.

It's only a matter of time before Jay scrambles back to the newspapers he declared dead, so let's just try to enjoy the last few weeks of Jay Mariotti screaming on the Internet about how people who scream on the Internet are terrible.

I, for one, cannot wait for another medium to be invented, so that Mariotti will nonsensically destroy it, before resigning himself to succumbing to its siren song, before destroying it again. There is no medium that can handle Jay Mariotti. It's not the screens that got big: It's Mariotti that got small. Or something. I can never carry that metaphor to its conclusion.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Stephen A. Smith]]> Deadspin has been having fun with Stephen A. Smith since the site began. (The very first week, actually.) We've even come around to like him. A little.

Stephen A. wasn't a presence at the NBA Draft this year, which meant the official retirement of the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society. Which is just tragic.

But the fun with Stephen A. — started way way back when — continues. At some points, Stephen A. and Deadspin have reached a bit of an uneasy peace, but those points never last very long. Wherever there's Stephen A. out there opining, we'll be there.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Crossing Pattern Dong]]> The Deadspin Hall of Fame is not just for individuals: It is for themes, for common bonds, for lasting memes ... for dongs.

Pass-catching dongs, to be specific. Lots of crossing pattern dongs.

There was Visante Shiancoe, who was confident enough to ask a female reporter "How'd it look?"

There was Chris Cooley's inexplicable decision to post a picture of his Lil' Cooley on his Web site.

And, of course, Santonio Holmes, who, after his Photo Of Fun was released, never did anything else with his life, ever ever ever nope.

Quite a collection.

But is it it enough to get them in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Alex Rodriguez]]> Well, we had to nominate one person whose very name makes you groan, and if we had picked Brett Favre, Drew would have never stopped stabbing me in the eye.

Nausea aside, it's difficult A-Rod hasn't earned the nomination.

Forget the steroids. He's breaking Simmons' heart by dating Penny Lane, turned Selena Roberts into Mike Nifong, deflowered a Spitzer madam, posed ridiculously and, in my favorite Roberts book excerpt, asked women at bars who they thought was hotter, him or Jeter?

And that's all just in 2009. Consider the whole body of work.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Lenny Dykstra]]> Our second nominee of the day is as close a representation as you'll find of the lunacy that led none of you to have jobs. Other than Yankee Stadium, anyway.

I am so rarely right about anything, so I hope you'll forgive me here, but: I was onto Lenny Dykstra from the get-go. (Genius! I was the only person who noticed something was seriously wrong. Sure! Only one!)

It actually wasn't that long that The New Yorker and Bernard Goldberg were extolling Dykstra's genius, with a total straight face. Because this was the one horrible moment in world history that people listened to Jim Cramer. (Never listen to a New York magazine columnist unless their name is Kurt Anderson, John Heilemann or Chris Smith.) Now, of course, Dykstra has been revealed as a fraud, as well as a guy who actually uses the word "spearchuckers."

Even poor Bernie Goldberg has has turned on him. Oh, and he's taking all his son's money too. Still: It's possible he's eligible for TARP funding.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Charles Barkley]]> All right, so the Hall of Fame nominations are early this year, and coming at you without warning. They start, like, right now.

They will come at you twice a day, starting a day, through Friday. A few reminders:

First: Here are the current members of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame, with their year of election:

2006
Carl Monday
Kyle Orton
Clinton Portis
Run You Stupid Fucking Dinosaur, Run
Renee Thomas And Angela Keathley
Viking Sex Boat
You're With Me, Leather

2007
Ned

2008
Buzz Bissinger
Will Leitch
Isiah Thomas
Marques Slocum's Fuck Lion

Now: The parameters.

1. This is not Sportshuman of the Year. This is simply people/concepts/teams/zygotes/whatever who could be up for nomination. It does not matter if their notoriety/brilliance has come in the last calendar year. Barbaro has now been nominated for the Deadspin Hall of Fame three times, falling short each time. (The plaque is fake.)

2. The threshold for induction is 75 percent. Considering how difficult it is to get collective Internet people to agree on anything, this sorts the proverbial wheat from the proverbial chaff. Whatever chaff is.

3. Voting ends Sunday at 10 p.m. Induction is next week.

So. Now all that's out of the way, our first 2009 nominee is Charles Barkley.

As Daulerio put it, Barkley is the most bulletproof man in sports. He can call his producer a "pussy," he can say he wants to punch Rush Limbaugh, he can be fired by all TNT's sponsors, he can joke about Isiah Thomas committing suicide and he can, of course, get busted for a DUI when all he wanted to do is drive around the corner and get a blow job.

And all this does is make us love him more. And probably vote him governor of Alabama someday.

But is it it enough to get him in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

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<![CDATA[Michael Vick Is the Most Hated Person in Sports]]> Here is a list, based on an internet poll of people 13 and older, of the most disliked people in sports. It is mostly rapists, drug-users, dog-killers, and John McEnroe.

The top five:

1. Michael Vick
2. Manny Ramirez
3. Alex Rodriguez
4. Terrell Owens
5. Kobe Bryant

Michael Vick makes sense: he killed puppies! But is Manny really more hated than A-Rod? More hated than Barry Bonds? Than Clemens?

Once you get past the top five, it becomes more apparent that this list is made up primarily of black athletes whom white fans view with suspicion—of insufficient respect for authority/fans/journalists or inherent laziness (politely known as lack of "hustle").

Like number six: Allen Iverson! Number eight: Stephon Marbury!

Oh, but there are white people listed! Specifically Nick Saban (number 9) and, most bizarrely, John McEnroe (number 10), who has been a mostly charming cartoon character since his retirement from being a really annoying tennis player.

We are suspicious of the pollster's methodology, mostly because the list seems really New York-centric (does anyone outside of the readership of the New York Post give a shit about Isiah Thomas? or Starbury for that matter?). But how could a poll of 1,100 people on the internet be wrong!?

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<![CDATA[What Are You Watching Tonight?]]> Game 4 (pivotal!) of the Stanley Cup Finals is tonight. So is Game 1 (crucial!) of the NBA Finals. Which one is more important to you and/or your bookie?

Despite its many issues, I think the NHL has made a lot of strides this year in the public's mind and has certainly come a long way from the dead and buried league of the lockout year. Meanwhile, the NBA seems to be having a crisis of confidence thanks to their officials, their money issues, their age limit, their draft lottery, their logo ... It's a running joke that the league only has one fan and he just wrote a 700-page book that will only be read on the toilet. But someone has to be sitting on that can. It won't soothe any minds to know that LeBron isn't around this week, but we'll always have Vitamin Water.

Both leagues need something big to happen in their championship series—so who are the ad wizards that decided to put both games on at the same time, leaving us nothing to watch on Wednesday or Friday? Super job, guys. Doesn't anyone in the league offices know how to work the E-mail?

Anyway, since we're all in a bind here, I'm genuinely curious what you would choose. And you can't say "Tivo" or "the clicker" or "I don't get Versus," because that's completely beside the point. If you could only watch one game tonight, what would it be? I know that both leagues have fans, but where are they and how many? This hastily thrown together, non-scientific web poll should settle the matter quite nicely.

Datsyuk hopes happy feet mean he's playing tonight [Toronto Star]
Magic, Lakers kick off NBA Finals at Staples Center [Seattle PI]

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Barbaro]]>
One SHOTY winner looks like he's gonna make it into the Hall this year. The other is up for an unprecedented third time. Is this the year? Can't a dead horse catch a break?

Honestly, if he doesn't make it this year, I plan on putting him up for nomination as long as the site exists anyway. Why not? Don't we kind of have to?

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Sean Salisbury]]>
I hadn't planned on Sean Salisbury making the Final 10 cut of nominees until ...well, until AJ's wild interview with the man. It's just an amazing glimpse inside a man's mind, in a way that made me (and, I suspect, a lot of you) extremely uncomfortable.

Salisbury was a nominee last year, notching 62.4 percent. I am not sure if that interview will help that figure, or hurt it. But he's not on ESPN anymore. Again, don't know if that helps or hurts.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Buzz Bissinger]]>
Frankly, I'm not sure what more more I can say about good ole Buzz. I think we covered everything here and here and here and, at last, here. I mean, what more is there?

I suppose I can just leave you with videos, if you were somehow just beamed here.

The original:

And, of course, the brilliant remix by Mr. Skeets, who has taken over the site today.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if you just pissed the shit out of yourself.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Nightmare Ant]]>
How did I know that Nightmare Ant — the creation of the great, great, J.E. Skeets — had gone "viral," as they say? When some jokester tagged my book "Bow Down Before Nightmare Ant." It made me laugh far more than another damned emo bangs comment.

The true genius of Skeets' original post was its simplicity; it was simply Nightmare Ant, and nothing else. It was a truly collaborative effort bringing Nightmare Ant to national prominence, and we should all take a considerable bit of pride from that.

Supposedly, Nightmare Ant's real name is the Mad Ant, and he's the mascot of Ft. Wayne Mad Antz in the D-League. His season goal? "Cheering the Mad Ants on to victory and making all of you smile." Yeah, about that ...

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Erin Andrews]]>
If you're ever bored — or if you're, you know, anything else — I encourage you to check out Deadspin's Erin Andrews archive. The reason sports blogs write so much about Erin Andrews is because there is demand. Put Erin Andrews in a post, and whammo: Instant hit. Just reacting to the market, people ... you know, just like mainstream media.

Up until affair de Nadel, Andrews had enjoyed a relatively unencumbered (and amazingly rapid) rise through the ranks of sideline reporters. One suspects the observations of a bald, amusing suburban columnist are unlikely to slow that.

I think Deadspin, actually, is the only blog left that hasn't interviewed Andrews. I guess we've always played hard-to-get.

But is she a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Kige Ramsey]]>
Whatever your thoughts on his candidacy for the Deadspin Hall of Fame — and I'm fully aware that our comment ombudsman loses his mind every time Kige comes up — you have to admire that, along among all SHOTY and H of F nominees, only Kige has openly lobbied for induction. It's warms my heart every time I think about it.

In case you didn't remember the campaign video:

By now, I certainly hope you've seen all the videos. I still love that the shows have a full production staff. They're so good that you don't even notice all the CGI.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Marques Slocum's F—k Lion]]>
Because we all really must be reminded of the genius that is the Fuck Lion, allow me to, once again, give the exact quote from Marques Slocum's brilliant Facebook page self-interrogation.

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

Who do you admire most?
My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive

When do you plan on getting married?
it dont matta cuz i hope my wife know ima be playa 4 life

Sadly, Slocum is no longer a member of the Michigan Wolverines, which means this might be the one honor left that he has a chance at earning. It might be all he has.

But yeah, still: I'm totally getting that fuck lion.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote like the wind.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Matt Leinart]]>
One particular joy this NFL offseason is to flip through the preseason guides and note all the references to the above Matt Leinart photo. Inevitably, it'll read something like, "Leinart had an offseason that pleased the ladies and the blogs more than it pleased the Cardinals coaching staff." I still think this is a rather epic photo; it even inspired a Jeopardy! question

Lest we forget, by the way, that back before the photos, Leinart actually had sex with Paris Hilton. That's about a million times worse than a beer bong and some coeds. But hey: He loves puppies.

And remember: The Buzzsaw have been asking Leinart to cool it for a while now. I see no reason he can't continue down both paths; insane alcohol exploits AND a Super Bowl title. He'd make a better Joe Namath than that other guy.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote like the wind.

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<![CDATA[Deadspin HOF Nominee: Isiah Thomas]]>
It's worth noting that no SHOTY winner has ever made the Deadspin Hall of Fame. Barbaro might be up for nomination again this year. Amazingly, this is Isiah's first ever nomination.

So much to choose from, Isiah-wise, though I'll always be partial to "Isiah Thomas' Knicks Legacy, Summed Up In One Possession." So great:

And that doesn't even take that sexual harassment case, Stephon Marbury's mystery dirt and, of course, "Sunt." There's just so much to choose from. I still miss him, even if he's not really gone.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon.

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