Deadspin: Polls

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Barbaro

Will Leitch — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:00:46 EDT

One SHOTY winner looks like he's gonna make it into the Hall this year. The other is up for an unprecedented third time. Is this the year? Can't a dead horse catch a break?

Honestly, if he doesn't make it this year, I plan on putting him up for nomination as long as the site exists anyway. Why not? Don't we kind of have to?

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Sean Salisbury

Will Leitch — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:00:24 EDT

I hadn't planned on Sean Salisbury making the Final 10 cut of nominees until ...well, until AJ's wild interview with the man. It's just an amazing glimpse inside a man's mind, in a way that made me (and, I suspect, a lot of you) extremely uncomfortable.

Salisbury was a nominee last year, notching 62.4 percent. I am not sure if that interview will help that figure, or hurt it. But he's not on ESPN anymore. Again, don't know if that helps or hurts.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Buzz Bissinger

Will Leitch — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:00:58 EDT

Frankly, I'm not sure what more more I can say about good ole Buzz. I think we covered everything here and here and here and, at last, here. I mean, what more is there?

I suppose I can just leave you with videos, if you were somehow just beamed here.

The original:

And, of course, the brilliant remix by Mr. Skeets, who has taken over the site today.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if you just pissed the shit out of yourself.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Nightmare Ant

Will Leitch — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:00:49 EDT

How did I know that Nightmare Ant — the creation of the great, great, J.E. Skeets — had gone "viral," as they say? When some jokester tagged my book "Bow Down Before Nightmare Ant." It made me laugh far more than another damned emo bangs comment.

The true genius of Skeets' original post was its simplicity; it was simply Nightmare Ant, and nothing else. It was a truly collaborative effort bringing Nightmare Ant to national prominence, and we should all take a considerable bit of pride from that.

Supposedly, Nightmare Ant's real name is the Mad Ant, and he's the mascot of Ft. Wayne Mad Antz in the D-League. His season goal? "Cheering the Mad Ants on to victory and making all of you smile." Yeah, about that ...

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Erin Andrews

Will Leitch — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:00:16 EDT

If you're ever bored — or if you're, you know, anything else — I encourage you to check out Deadspin's Erin Andrews archive. The reason sports blogs write so much about Erin Andrews is because there is demand. Put Erin Andrews in a post, and whammo: Instant hit. Just reacting to the market, people ... you know, just like mainstream media.

Up until affair de Nadel, Andrews had enjoyed a relatively unencumbered (and amazingly rapid) rise through the ranks of sideline reporters. One suspects the observations of a bald, amusing suburban columnist are unlikely to slow that.

I think Deadspin, actually, is the only blog left that hasn't interviewed Andrews. I guess we've always played hard-to-get.

But is she a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Kige Ramsey

Will Leitch — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:00:04 EDT

Whatever your thoughts on his candidacy for the Deadspin Hall of Fame — and I'm fully aware that our comment ombudsman loses his mind every time Kige comes up — you have to admire that, along among all SHOTY and H of F nominees, only Kige has openly lobbied for induction. It's warms my heart every time I think about it.

In case you didn't remember the campaign video:

By now, I certainly hope you've seen all the videos. I still love that the shows have a full production staff. They're so good that you don't even notice all the CGI.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote as if tomorrow does not exist.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Marques Slocum's F--k Lion

Will Leitch — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:00:07 EDT

Because we all really must be reminded of the genius that is the Fuck Lion, allow me to, once again, give the exact quote from Marques Slocum's brilliant Facebook page self-interrogation.

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
i got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me

Who do you admire most?
My mom CARLA, dat bitch da shit, i love her i think she da realest bitch alive

When do you plan on getting married?
it dont matta cuz i hope my wife know ima be playa 4 life

Sadly, Slocum is no longer a member of the Michigan Wolverines, which means this might be the one honor left that he has a chance at earning. It might be all he has.

But yeah, still: I'm totally getting that fuck lion.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote like the wind.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Matt Leinart

Will Leitch — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:00:08 EDT

One particular joy this NFL offseason is to flip through the preseason guides and note all the references to the above Matt Leinart photo. Inevitably, it'll read something like, "Leinart had an offseason that pleased the ladies and the blogs more than it pleased the Cardinals coaching staff." I still think this is a rather epic photo; it even inspired a Jeopardy! question

Lest we forget, by the way, that back before the photos, Leinart actually had sex with Paris Hilton. That's about a million times worse than a beer bong and some coeds. But hey: He loves puppies.

And remember: The Buzzsaw have been asking Leinart to cool it for a while now. I see no reason he can't continue down both paths; insane alcohol exploits AND a Super Bowl title. He'd make a better Joe Namath than that other guy.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote like the wind.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Isiah Thomas

Will Leitch — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:00:45 EDT

It's worth noting that no SHOTY winner has ever made the Deadspin Hall of Fame. Barbaro might be up for nomination again this year. Amazingly, this is Isiah's first ever nomination.

So much to choose from, Isiah-wise, though I'll always be partial to "Isiah Thomas' Knicks Legacy, Summed Up In One Possession." So great:

And that doesn't even take that sexual harassment case, Stephon Marbury's mystery dirt and, of course, "Sunt." There's just so much to choose from. I still miss him, even if he's not really gone.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Dana Jacobson

Will Leitch — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:00:28 EDT

On a certain level, you have to like anyone who can piss off Charlie Weis, you know? Everyone forgets now that the Dana Jacobson story was actually broken by an Atlantic City newspaper. And she pretty much assured that ESPN won't be hosting anymore "celebrity" roasts.

The above picture didn't actually come out until a week-and-a-half after the Mike-and-Mike roast — I will never, ever tire of Trey Wingo's reaction there — which was long after we knew about "Fuck Touchdown Jesus." She was suspended by ESPN for a week, but that didn't stop protests from the Catholic League. (Remember: If the Catholic League and that dope Bill Donohue are angry with you, you're doing something right.)

I still think the picture, though, is what cinched Dana's nomination for the Deadspin Hall of Fame. I mean, can't you imagine how that plaque would look?

But is she a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon.

USA Today Coaches' Poll Is Out

Clay Travis — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:00:02 EDT

Ahh, the Coaches' Poll, when petty grievances come to light via the always democratic method of allowing 61 hated rivals to determine their best team. And who do the coaches anoint with their highly important preseason ranking? The Georgia Bulldogs. Wow. So Georiga is higher ranked by national coaches than they are by their own conference media and coaches. Proving, once again, that trouncing a Hawaii team that at least 8 members of the SEC would have beaten is certain to increase your national profile with people who have no clue about college football. Notre Dame is awesome!

By the way, highly important isn't sarcasm in regards to this poll. The preseason rankings matter more in college football than any sport in America. Because, inevitably, where you start often determines how high you're able to finish. Or, worst of all, if you start somewhere outside the top ten and two teams in front of you never lose, you're screwed. Fairness, equitability, reason: thy name is college football.

Six teams received first place votes (Georgia, Southern Cal, Ohio State, Oklahoma, Florida, and LSU) and Georgia received just 8 more first-place votes than USC. Interestingly it also appears that Steve Spurrier has stopped voting Duke in the top 25. Since the Dukies didn't get a single top 25 vote. Either that or Spurrier can't bring himself to now vote for a team helmed by Tennessee's former offensive coordinator David Cutcliffe.

At the very least, we're 27 days from college football season. And if you have a soul or you have a pulse (and you're not from Long Island) you can't fucking wait.

Top 25 Coaches' Poll [USA Today]

Media Approval Ratings: Dick Vitale

Leitch — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:05:59 EDT

Now that Dickie V is back and at full throat capacity, perhaps it is time to judge him.

Whatever your thoughts on Vitale — and while working during ESPN Bracketology yesterday, we actually had to turn down our television set when Vitale was on so we could concentrate — it did seem strange not having him be a part of college basketball during his surgery. Though bringing him back for Duke-UNC seemed almost cruel; it's like they were trying to get him to blow out his voice right then and there, all over again.

Anyway, Vitale won't get to broadcast any tourney games once again this year, but we've all gotten used to that. It's probably for the best, actually, whether you like Vitale or not. Duke can only play so many games, after all.

So: Do you like the Dick Vitale? Do you not like the Dick Vitale?

College Football Polls Are Not Particularly Diverse

Leitch — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 11:10:53 EDT

Nothing signals the oncoming bumrush of the college football season than the top 25 polls. Unlike every other collegiate sport, the polls actually have a concrete effect on the postseason, as much as college football has a "postseason." Therefore, you'd expect them to be thoroughly researched and submitted with the utmost seriousness, right? Yes?

Well, in case you haven't noticed ... the AP Top 25 and coaches Top 25 have the exact same 25 teams in them. The rankings are different ... but barely. We understand that it's a large compendium of people voting, press people in the AP and ~~interns~~ coaches in the other poll, but this is an odd confluence of circumstances. And, because this is college football ... this actually matters. (Kind of. Maybe. It's all very confusing.)

Every year, we fire ourselves up for college football ... and then we remember how screwed up it is. Sad, really.

Copying For Others' Papers [The M Zone]

Look, It's A Survey! Wee!

Leitch — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:40:39 EDT

Sometimes the Gawker folks ask us to give you surveys.

Here is one. We're told if you email the last question's correct answer to surveys@gawker.com, you can win a $300 JetBlue gift card.

Enjoy the puppy.

Hirshey Poll: "Gay, Straight AND Taken" It Is

Leitch — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:30:55 EST

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

Apparently 2,400 Deadspinners had nothing better to do yesterday than vote in the Name Becks' Reality Show Contest and apparently I had nothing better to do than check the results every three minutes. First of all, a word to all of you would-be poets who cleverly rhymed Bend with Spend for Spend It Like Beckham: Congratulations, you're now officially headline writers for People Magazine. In 2003.

For those of you who went for the cheap gay jokes, Will's friend John Rocker would like you to join his fantasy league — or Scientology. But kudos to Big Daddy Drew who for a few seconds turned his head from checking out Payton Manning's basket to write Gay, Straight AND Taken. As soon as the Super Bowl is over, Big Daddy will return home to a lavish array of prizes that will no doubt find their way to E-Bay where he will — wait for it — Vend It Like Beckham. Next up: Who will play Warren St. John in the Fugees movie? I say Adrian Grenier.

Hirshey Quickie: Let's Hear Your Best Names For Becks' Show

Leitch — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 12:15:41 EST

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

Given that we were experiencing a national day of mourning—I mean, James Brown and Gerry Ford had four legs between them but never received this kind of love—-it was a half-decent showing in the Name David Beckham's Reality Show Contest. But we're not quite ready to name a winner yet.

In honor of Barbaro again, we've narrowed the field to five and we'll let the people decide. We've expanded the original prize list to now include a pint of Barbaro glue in addition to Beckham's autobiography and a wax likeness of Will Leitch. (Ed. Note: Wax likeness comes with real hair!) Remember to vote with your hoof, not your heart.

Hirshey Quickie: Becks' Reality Venture [Deadspin]

SHOTY Final: Chris Berman Vs. Barbaro

Leitch — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 16:30:54 EST

Well, while we were gone, the late rush of Barbaro votes came in, and he edged out Carl Monday right after the new year, sending him into the final with, of course, Chris Berman, who has yet to be challenged. We suspect he's in for one now.

This whole tourney has gone on too long already — it is 2007, after all — so this will run until Monday at noon ET, at which time we will crown the inaugural champ. You know the rules. Get to voting.

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Carl Monday Vs. Barbaro

Leitch — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 14:00:29 EST

And here we are, the matchup we are personally most curious about, the one featuring the infamous Carl Monday and good ole Barbaro, who would be a late charger if only his hoof would grow. We have been looking forward to this one since this got started.

The polls for the semis will be open all the way through the holidays, until January 4, so feel free to take your time making up your mind. Because it's for all the marbles, as they say. And we mean marbles: We're going to send marbles to the winner. Here's the most recent bracket:

The matchup breakdown:

No. 2 Seed: Carl Monday
2006 Highlights
Blew the lid off a nationwide epidemic.
Inspired one of the few amusing Dilbert parodies we've ever seen.
Went after poor Mike Cooper one more time, just for good times' sake.
Inspired his own minor league baseball promotion.
Hit the big time of "The Daily Show."
Became a popular Halloween costume.

No. 3 Seed: Barbaro
2006 Highlights
Crashed out at the Preakness.
Inspired some amazing letters (and haiku!).
Banged a woman, fictionally.
Didn't die. In fact, got, uh, a few more letters.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the SHOTY Title Game?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Chris Berman Vs. Harold Reynolds

Leitch — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 14:00:00 EST

All right, here we are: It's time for the Final Four. We have our ESPN side of the bracket, and then our Masturbator Locator Vs. Horse side of the bracket. All four candidates are worthy. It's time for some tough decisions, people.

The matchup breakdown:

No. 1 Seed: Chris Berman
2006 Highlights
Changed the way you thought about pickup lines.
United Tony Kornheiser, Keith Olbermann, TRL, prime-time NBC programs and an awesome teenager who's "stupid, just stupid."
Spawned the first piece of Deadspin clothing.

No. 5 Seed: Harold Reynolds
2006 Highlights
Fired from ESPN for "undisclosed" reasons.
Hugged the wrong person at the wrong time.
Played awfully dumb.
Sued ESPN's ass.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the SHOTY Title Game?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Barbaro Vs. Ben Roethlisberger

Leitch — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 14:00:44 EST

We're to our final quarterfinal matchup, with the semis taking place next week in a torrent of voting mania. (Or something.) We encourage you all to vote on the extremely tight Mariotti-Reynolds matchup. First, a reminder of the bracket.

For all those who felt Barbaro was robbed in the Hall of Fame voting, here's another chance to show your support. Meanwhile, Ben Roethlisberger was dangerously close to becoming glue several times himself this year.

The matchup breakdown:

No. 3 Seed: Barbaro
2006 Highlights
Crashed out at the Preakness.
Inspired some amazing letters (and haiku!).
Banged a woman, fictionally.
Didn't die. In fact, got, uh, a few more letters.

No. 6 Seed: Ben Roethlisberger
2006 Highlights
Showed us just how to drink like a champion.
Celebrated winning a Super Bowl by cutting his hair.
Crashed his helmetless head into something made of concrete.
Lost an appendix.
Accepted that his team wasn't very good anymore.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Jay Mariotti Vs. Harold Reynolds

Leitch — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 14:00:57 EST

We return to the SHOTY Tournament, with the final two quarterfinal matchups, today and Thursday. Of all the Elite Eight matchups, we think this might end up the closest. (The first two have been runaways, though you can still vote.) First, a reminder of the bracket.

It seems strange that of the two people involved this week, Harold Reynolds is the one who doesn't work for ESPN anymore. In fact, he's suing them. And we can never figure out if Jay Mariotti would vote for himself in these tournaments; after all, it does make him more famous.

The matchup breakdown:

No. 4 Seed: Jay Mariotti
2006 Highlights
Brought together the Cubs and the White Sox.
Shrunk from Ozzie Guillen's manly challenge.
Inspired a loving fan site.
Reveled in all the fame.
Declared war on Wikipedia using the famous "whining" method.

No. 5 Seed: Harold Reynolds
2006 Highlights
Fired from ESPN for "undisclosed" reasons.
Hugged the wrong person at the wrong time.
Played awfully dumb.
Sued ESPN's ass.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Carl Monday Vs. Stephen A. Smith

Leitch — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 14:00:08 EST

All right: Time for the next step in the Elite Eight. This thing is gonna fly by now, by the way; the final two Elite Eight matchups will be next week, and then it's Final Four time, and then, jeez, then this whole virtual construction is completed. To remind you, here's the bracket (Berman's got a considerable lead over Leinart, but there's still time to vote.)

The lone break of seed in the first round involved Stephen A. Smith taking down Ozzie Guillen, a matchup that probably had the seeds reversed anyway. But he's got an awfully daunting foe this time: The infamous Carl Monday, who is everywhere, watching everything, keeping the streets safe. But you know that by now.

The matchup breakdown:

No. 10 Seed: Stephen A. Smith
2006 Highlights
Called David Letterman "Jay."
Begged for audience members.
Enjoyed many Cheesy Doodles.
Encouraged his audience to boo his guests.
Attempted to blame previous transgression on us.
Solved the crisis in the Middle East.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Chris Berman Vs. Matt Leinart

Leitch — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:00:17 EST

At last: The first round is over, and we have our eight winners. For all the talk of potential upsets and the supposed mis-seeding of certain competitors, there was only one first round "upset": Stephen A. Smith took down Ozzie Guillen, and that was a shaky seed in the first place.

But now we're to the final eight, the Elite Eight, if you will, and it's gonna get tight. The updated bracket, from the great Jim Cooke:

So, time for the nitty-gritty. The final eight commences, with Chris Berman, who cruised past Farney in the first round, against Matt Leinart, who had little trouble with Rick Sutcliffe, who was unable to solve that thing. The tale of the tape.

No. 8 Seed: Matt Leinart
2006 Highlights
Drafted by The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals.
Consumated sexual relationship with Paris Hilton.
Impregnated USC basketball player.
Discovered what life with the Buzzsaw is really like.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Barbaro Vs. Lamar Thomas

Leitch — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 14:00:00 EST

All right, we know this is supposed to just run Tuesdays and Thursdays, but we decided that we were too eager to finally get this first round overwith so we can start the second round tomorrow. (SI's curious pick of Mr. Wade made us decide to speed up the process a bit.) So, this is the final first round matchup, and it's the one many have been waiting for: The return of Barbaro, whose omission from the Deadspin Hall of Fame still rankles many out there. His inclusion here almost forced us into calling this the Sports Mammal Of The Year, but we thought that perhaps a bit too precious.

If you still want to vote for any of the other first-round matchups — and you can find them — today is your last day: All polls end at 10 a.m. ET tomorrow morning, with the second round also commencing tomorrow. So vote while you still can.

Anyway, our combatants today, in the final first-roundup matchup, are No. 3 seed Barbaro, who is everywhere and everything, and former Miami broadcaster Lamar Thomas, the No. 14 seed and decided underdog. (Especially considering that his famous video has been pulled off the Web.) But let's see how she goes.

No. 3 Seed: Barbaro
2006 Highlights
Crashed out at the Preakness.
Inspired some amazing letters (and haiku!).
Banged a woman, fictionally.
Didn't die. In fact, got, uh, a few more letters.

No. 14 Seed: Lamar Thomas
2006 Highlights
Redefined the notion of a "homer" announcer. Was fired.
Hell 2 Da Naw!

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Ozzie Guillen Vs. Stephen A. Smith

Leitch — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 14:00:36 EST

Just two more first-round matchups left until the Elite Eight, and we've got a potential barnburner here today. (Does anyone other than Musberger use "barnburner" anymore? We like the term.)

It's No. 7 seed Ozzie Guillen — unfortunately in the opposite bracket of Jay Mariotti — against No. 10 seed Stephen A. Smith, two people whom, if they had a conversation, would be surprisingly boring, probably because it would be televised on ESPN 2 around 11 p.m., maybe, we think, whatever time they're running it now.

LET'S LOOK AT THE MATCHUP BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS MATCHUP IS IMPORTANT.

No. 7 Seed: Ozzie Guillen
2006 Highlights
Controlled your ass.
Sent down a poor pitcher for not hitting someone on the other team.
Restored a somewhat damaged image by picking a fight with Jay Mariotti.
Drank down by several Chicago-area gay men.
Tried not to notice A-Rod's erection.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Jay Mariotti Vs. Darren Daulton

Leitch — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 14:00:40 EST

After nearly a week off, the Deadspin SHOTY Tournament kicks back up today — just three more first-round matchups left — with a guy who seemingly shows up every week around these parts, if just to make himself more famous, against a former Philadelphia hero who has only made Deadspin once, but in a rather glorious way.

It's No. 4 seed Jay Mariotti against No. 13 seed Darren Daulton, a matchup of two people who have never been in our kitchen.

Let's go to the videotape!

No. 13 Seed: Darren Daulton
2006 Highlights
Time-traveled in a way that was difficult for those of us who do not understand metaphysics to comprehend.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Chris Berman Vs. Farney

Leitch — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 14:00:14 EST

All right, after some wild voting irregularities yesterday — remember: The Deadspin way is not to raise too much issue with people cheering on their favorites in a poll on a silly blog — we have what we'd think would be a blowout today. But you never know: Someday a No. 16 WILL beat a No. 1. Probably not today, though.

By the way, voting for the first round will close the day after the final first-round matchup, in case you were wondering. So there's still time to vote if you haven't already.

But first, today's apparent mismatch: It's No. 1 seed Chris Berman taking on Farney, the imaginary friend of Cincinnati Reds utilityman Ryan Freel.

Let's go to the videotape!

No. 16 Seed: Farney
2006 Highlights
Advised his "friend" Ryan Freel to throw himself into walls.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Harold Reynolds Vs. Ned

Leitch — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 14:00:25 EST

Ordinarily, the SHOTY tournament will take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but this week, with that whole Thanksgiving business, we're going Monday-Tuesday this week. We hope your system can handle the shock.

Don't know if you've had a chance to look yet, but that Roethlisberger-Mikulik matchup? With more than 6,000 votes, Roethlisberger is up by four. That's four single votes. So if you haven't voted yet, go over there, because your vote will, in fact, count.

We've got another popular upset pick on the ballot today: ESPN outcast hugger Harold Reynolds takes on the legend that is Ned, the injured Florida International running back eager to hop on the field, crutches and all, and join the fight. It's a 5-12 battle, and we wouldn't be surprised if it's closer than you might think.

The tale ... of ... the tape!

No. 5 Seed: Harold Reynolds
2006 Highlights
Fired from ESPN for "undisclosed" reasons.
Hugged the wrong person at the wrong time.
Played awfully dumb.
Sued ESPN's ass.

No. 12 Seed: Ned
2006 Highlights
Had his teammates' back, totally.
Made it back out on the field.
Developed his own legend.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Carl Monday Vs. Ricky Manning Jr.

Leitch — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 14:00:00 EST

We're off to the next first-round matchup, and this one seems likely to be more of a blowout than the potential upset brewing in the Roethlisberger-Mikulik matchup. (Polls are open, by the way, until all first round matchups are completed.)

Today, it's No. 2 seed Carl Monday, who has gained a bit of notoriety around here, taking on notorious technophobe Ricky Manning, Jr., cornerback for the Chicago Bears.

It's a No. 2 vs. No. 15 battle; will we have a Iowa State-Hampton? Let's dig so deep into the faceoff that we won't be able to tell which end is up.

No. 15 Seed: Ricky Manning Jr.
2006 Highlights
Showed considerable displeasure with your computing technology.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin SHOTY Tournament: Ben Roethlisberger Vs. Joe Mikulik

Leitch — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:00:29 EST

All right, after what appears to be an easy victory for Matt Leinart last week, fellow losing-team quarterback Ben Roethlisberger enters the fray this week in the Deadspin Sportshuman Of The Year Tournament. (We're calling it "SHOTY.") He takes on famous freakout minor league manager Joe Mikulik in another first-round matchup.

The new graphic there, along with the full bracket after the jump, is another work from the genius mind of Jim Cooke, who famously did our Hall of Fame graphics. The man is, well, the man.

But for now ... to today's matchup. Here's the No. 6 vs. No. 11 tapetale!

No. 11 Seed: Joe Mikulik
2006 Highlights
Lost his goddamned mind. That's really enough. If you haven't watched the video, we highly encourage you to watch his meltdown again.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Introducing The Deadspin Sportshuman Of The Year Tournament

Leitch — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 14:00:17 EST

Since Sports Illustrated is making its unveiling of the 2006 Sportsman Of The Year award into a two-month enterprise, we figured we could do the same thing. Therefore, we are introducing the Deadspin Sportshuman Of The Year tournament, where 16 nominees will compete for the sainted title. We've put together the seeding, and you'll vote every Tuesday and Thursday to narrow the field down to one winner at the end of the year.

We'll have a fun bracket for you on Tuesday, filling in all the seeds, but we thought we'd start you off with an 8-9 seed battle. Only one can be crowned. Enjoy.

No. 9 Seed: Rick Sutcliffe
2006 Highlights
Partied with Bill Murray and then made the unfortunate decision to go live on the air. (Sadly, the video has been eradicated from the Internets, as far as we can tell.)
Suspended for going out there and trying to solve that thing.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

Deadspin HOF Nominee: JJ Redick

Leitch — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 13:45:31 EDT

Former Duke popped collar shooting guard J.J. Redick has been a consistent source of amusement around here for a while now, from the typical bashing of Duke to his crying during the NCAA Tournament to his weird video game experiences

But, as would be expected, it was his DUI arrest back in June that truly pushed Redick to the next level. The mug shot was the most amazing part, of course — oh, JJ, that collar — but the details of the arrest led to considerable more mirth, particularly countless shooting-percentage-as-BAC jokes.

And that was why we'll always remember the original post, because we did something different with that one: We didn't even bother making a joke. It was the first time we knew that whatever we came up with wouldn't even be remotely as hysterical as what you guys came up with in the comments ... and we were generously rewarded. The comments on the Redick story a non-stop stream of hilarity. Our personal favorite remains, "Those Zimas will F you up." (Oh, and he just pled guilty to this today.)

But is it a Hall of Famer? Remember, 75 percent is the threshold. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Tuesday.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Super Trampoline Basketball

Leitch — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:45:10 EDT

At the time, it almost seemed like a throwaway post, a way to end the day on a happy note. But Super Trampoline Basketball has proven surprisingly malleable and compulsively watchable, in almost Tourette's type way.

It's everything a home clip should be: Surprising, funny, guilt-ridden and actually quite painful. We think Slate's Josh Levin put it best: "It's not funny, exactly, and I feel a little guilty every time I watch it. (The count's up to about 20 now.) Instead of Bob Saget speaking in the voice of an infant, we hear screams of pain and 'Stop it!' as his unmangled friends run away laughing. This is what real life sounds like. It's transfixing, but it's not comforting."

The only way it would be better would be if it somehow had a goat.

But is it a Hall of Famer? Remember, 75 percent is the threshold. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Tuesday.

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Barbaro

Leitch — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 13:45:39 EDT

During the halcyon days of early May, a young horse named Barbaro was considered by many a possible Triple Crown winner; a victory in the Kentucky Derby only stoked more excitement, if it's possible for excitement to be stoked. But then, as documented by The Mighty MJD on the weekend, Barbaro had his Preakness injury and then it was off with the races.

Would Barbaro survive? Countless horses are euthanized every year, but Barbaro captured the popular imagination mainly because ... well, we're not sure why. As these things tend to do, it brought out the crazies, and suddenly Barbaro was receiving letters from all across the planet.

Despite of, course, the fact that: "Barbaro, you are a horse. You can not read. These will not be read TO you."

When you add in all the Barbaro slash fiction and the brilliant letters - most of which Deadspin commenter-penned — well, the Barbaro story certainly deserved a nomination.

But is Barbaro in? Remember, 75 percent is the threshold. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Tuesday.

Dan Le Batard Horrifies You The Most

Leitch — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 12:45:55 EST

Congratulations to Dan Le Batard, who you say has the most terrifying ESPN: The Magazine mugshot. It was a tight race, with Le Batard — who was joking about the mugshots and this poll on his radio show yesterday, quoting from several of our great commenters — edging out Stuart Scott (who actually got our vote).

We've heard that even the magazine's staffers recognize how horrible the mugshots are; they're going to be gone from the next issue. We suggest they just use an Etch-a-Sketch this time.

Poll results are below.

Poll: Scariest ESPN Mag Mugshots [Deadspin]

Poll: Scariest ESPN Mag Mugshots

Leitch — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 11:00:16 EST

Yesterday, we tried to figure out what was going on with Bill Simmons' ridiculous mugshot in ESPN: The Magazine. Well, now we've got copies of all four main mugshots in the magazine, and they're inexplicable. And horrifying. Take a look at them below, and let us know which one makes you want to cry the least.

Poll: Isiah Wins, But It's Closer Than You Think

Leitch — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 13:35:51 EST

Well, the results are in from our poll about a theoretical (for now) fight between Isiah Thomas and Bill Simmons, and, well, we're rather shocked: You give Simmons a lot better chance of winning this duel than we possibly could have though. Out of Deadspin readers, 46.2 percent of you think Simmons could win that fight? Really? Considering Simmons scored only 26 percent in his hypothetical battle with Mark Cuban, well, we certainly know how you feel about Isiah.

Next time Simmons does one of his Curious Guy segments, we'll rev this poll up again, but for now ... keep training, Bill.

Isiah Thomas. Bill Simmons. Quien es mas Macho? [Deadspin]

Poll Results: Super-Size New Mexico!

Leitch — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 16:00:37 EST

You have spoken, dear readers, and it's perhaps little surprise that you'd be most afraid to run into Marcus "New Mexico" Vick at your local McDonald's. You know what's cool, though? He has a THUG LIFE tattoo across his McRib.

Impressively, our man gangsta Grimace came in a close second, followed by Fred Smoot and Maurice Clarett. Nobody is all that frightened of Jim Mora, Jr., which is a point in everyone's favor, we think.

Full results below. As always, thanks for making your voice heard.

Poll: Whom Do You Least Want To Run Into At McDonald's?

Leitch — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 16:30:34 EST

We still haven't quite come to terms with the bat-shit crazy weirdness of Marcus "New Mexico" Vick whipping out a gun at McDonald's the day after he declared for the NFL Draft, but it did get us to thinking: We haven't been to McDonald's for a long, long time. At first, we thought it was because we're older now and have more refined taste in cuisine (like, say, Wendy's). But we realize now that's not it; we're actually scared. You never know whose path you'll cross at a McDonald's.

Henceforth, a Deadspin poll: Which sports-related personality would you least want to run into at a McDonald's? Poll will be open all night and most of the day tomorrow.

It's a tougher call than you might think. Vote below.

Polls: You Love You Some Sheriff

Leitch — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 15:00:02 EST

Well, the readers have spoken, and in yet another trouncing — we never have any close polls around here, which we suppose is our fault — your favorite Clinton Portis costume is Sheriff Gonna Getcha, with 38.1 percent of the vote. (We think it's the Led Zeppelin shirt; impossible to resist it.) Second place — and our pick — was Dr. I-Don't-Know with 25.6 percent; we like the pink, we think.

Dollah Bill, the most recent addition, is generally considered the biggest disappointment. Has Clinton slipped? We'll see what he comes up with in this week's press conference ... something Thanksgiving related, we hope. Perhaps he can go as stuffing? We'd like to see Portis' physical interpretation of stuffing.

Full poll results: