Not since the Rolling Stones' Iron Lung tour has the world marveled at a bunch of geezers getting it up one last time for a happy ending. Just when you thought that Zidane and the rest of "Les Vieux" (trust me, it's funny if you speak French) had exhausted all their AARP-approved elixirs, they found another keg of Ponce de Leon prune juice to save the day.

Is it just me, or were you not misting up when Zizou and Figo, the two proud old men of soccer and former teammates at Real Madrid, embraced at the end of France's valiant 1-0 semifinal victory, stripped off their sweaty jerseys and showed off the best waxed six packs since the volleyball scene in Top Gun? Or, come to think of it, was it more like Brokeback, which I never saw but friends talk of how Heath Ledger just couldn't let go of that shirt. The question begs: How long will Zidane hold onto to Figo's No. 7 jersey, and will he ever wash it?

France is in the World Cup final against Italy, a sentence I never thought I'd write. Which color blue do you prefer: Azzurri or Bleu? I'm a Bleu man myself, especially after Zidane bleu me away yet again.

You can moan, like Big Phil Scolari, that Les Bleus were lucky, that Henry's theatrics in the box would have made Belmondo proud and that Portugal should have been awarded their own penalty when Sagnol nudged Ronaldo as he tried to head home a Figo cross. But make no mistake: The better team won. Portugal, with their one-named players (Maniche, Ricardo, Costinha, Pauleta, Miguel), their Brazilian-born midfielder Deco, their Brazilian manager Scolari and an attack spearheaded by The Other Ronaldo, has been the Brazil Lite of this tournament, playing with flair but no real cutting edge. They deserve their fate for their 16-yellow, four-red card burlesque show against Holland, their inability to breach the England defense after Wayne Rooney's ejection left them one man up (albeit two squashed testicles down) for 60 minutes and their scoreless dry hump against France.

Not that French were exactly magnifique yesterday. This was no stirring performance to put in the time capsule alongside their inspired fight back against Spain and their masterclass against Brazil. Once again they relied on the sorcery of Zidane and the cunning of Henry to get them the one goal they needed, and then they prayed that their ancient and venerable central defender Lilian Thuram would keep Portugal from exposing France keeper Barthez for the herky-jerky, bobbling, flailing spaz he is. The 34-year-old Thuram, who for my Euros is the second best defender in the Cup next to Italy's Cannavarro, was unbeatable in the air and tackled with crunching resolve. Speaking of crunching things, it sure looked like Ricardo Carvalho's swingers, the subject of the world's attention after Rooney stamped on them in their quarterfinal match, had recovered nicely when he stuck out his left foot as Henry jinked past him in the box.

Even taking into account Henry's dramatic flourish as he went down, there was no way that referee Jorge Larrionda couldn't give the penalty; at least there was a soupcon of contact on this play, as opposed to the phantom foul he whistled on US defender Oguchi Onyewu that knocked the Americans out of the Cup. After Larrionda pointed to the spot and Zidane dispatched the kick with consummate composure, Carvalho and Scolari were gesticulating wildly at the referee for the perceived injustice. Zidane simply looked heavenward, as much to say merci as to say see you Sunday.

It's France — a team that at one point was in danger of not even making the Round of 16 — vs. Portugal, a team that knocked out the English and got a Wayne Rooney ballstomp for its troubles. It should be a fiery crew; could we actually have an Italy-France final? What happens then?

Your live blogger today is Robert Weintraub, from Slate, and he should be rocking it out and having a grand time. This is our final weekday World Cup live blog, so bring your A-game, people, after the jump.

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That will do it for me—Around The Horn has appeared on screen, which is everyone's cue to exit. Thanks again to Will for the sitespace, and enjoy the Final everyone!!! (See you at tennis, Lorie).

For Portugal, Figo showed his age, Deco was taken out by Makelele, Pauleta was atrocious, and only Ronaldo was consistently dangerous, but there were no finishing touches. Off to the 3-4 match against the Germans, that should be fun to watch. I may finish weedwhacking instead.

To quote the immortal Henri (not Henry, but the cad from "Cheers"), "France Has Won!" To which Cliff replies, "There's something you don't hear everyday." Not the most exciting of games, frankly—felt at times like a March clash between mid-table squads. But all credit to Zidane—he scores the game's lone goal, and will play for his second Jules Rimet trophy on Sunday. It's Les Bleus against the Azzuri—my bet is on the team that wears blue. Italy has been the best team by far this tourney, but France has the look of destiny about them. My guess—Zidane scores the winner in extra time for the first real goal off Buffon, and walks off the pitch as a champeen—until he is talked into playing for Francais in South Africa 2010

Figo and Zidane unsurprisingly trade jerseys. Look for the ebay firesale tomorrow.

FRANCE HAS WON 1-0!!!! FRANCE V ITALY IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL.

94' Another Saha giveaway results in a through ball to Ronaldo, who is offsides, on the last play of the game.

94' Barthez out to snatch a good cross.

93' Corner punched out, to Ricardo, who is waaaaaaay up. he regains and wins another corner.

92' Superb play from Figo, leaves one for Deco, who sends one tantalizingly through the box, but no one at the far post.

91' Postiga nicely wins the ball in air and leaves for Meira, who has plenty of space but blasts well over. Best chance since Figo's botch.

91' Saha gives it away, and sulkily walks back on defense—he's been a nightmare in his few minutes of action. Fortunately for him Figo can't find Postiga.

90' Four minutes of stoppage time—can Portugal even get a shot away?

89' Not much urgency from the Portuguese—even Brazil turned it up in the last 10 minutes. Figo and Ronaldo seem out of gas. And Deco has been marked out of this one by the great Makelele.

88' More nice ZZ touches to keep the pressure off his goal.

88' The crowd lustily sings La Marsellaise—just like in Victory!!! Of course the announcers were yapping through it.

87' That was quick—Saha gets booked for a two leg pincer on Figo—Henry won't have to worry about subbed out in the final, as Saha won't be playing.

86' Zidane hasn't done much this half but now does some nice holding and possession.

85' Yep, Henry is off for Saha. Hope for Domenech's sake this doesn't go to extra time. Let's say it all together anyway—WHO IS ON FIRE?? HENRY IS ON FIRE!!! That's what this game is missing, some Cantona craziness.

84' Nice French buildup, but Sagnol mindlessly lumps one right at Ricardo. He in turn gives it away on the boot.

84' Figo just realized his World Cup career is done in about 10 minutes unless he does something, so he makes a nice run down the right and wins a corner. But guess what—it's a shitty one.

82' Carvalho gets a yellow for hacking down Wiltord—guess he did NOT get one earlier. Thought he did. Now he's out for the final, though that looks rather moot as the clock ticks.

82' Saha is up, does Domenech dare replace Henry?

80' Thuram fouls, setting up a free kick in a dangerous spot on the left. Figo's bender is cleared by Veiera's head. Carvalho collects and sends one way over.

77' Ronaldo gets taken down by Veiera for a free kick. He crushes it at Barthez, who volleyballs it up in the air for a gift rebound to Figo, who botches the sitting header. What a golden chance for the last remnant of the golden generation. But he blew it. It walloped off Barthez's chest before he could get his hands up, to be fair, that's how hard it was struck.

76' Big Phil is doing his best "C'mon lads!!" but to no effect. A nice cross sees some synchronized diving by Ronaldo and Postiga.

75' Postiga replaces Costinha, who struggled to check Zidane and Ribery. Postiga plays in the French league, for what it's worth.

73' Simao strips Zidane but can't find anyone on his cross. Ronaldo gets a nice flick and turn but no one gets it to him on the give and go.

72' Another sub, Govou replaces Ribery for defensive purposes, so long scarface, you had a decent game.

71' Ronaldo another run down the left, drawing three defenders, winning a corner. But again the service on the set piece is wanting.

71' Nuno Valente tries a speculative shot from the left that swerves on Barthez but he grabs it.

70' Wiltord comes in for Malouda, maybe he will jumpstart the French attack, but I doubt he'll make too many runs and leave gaps for Ronaldo and Figo to counter into.

69' Simao immediately tries a run but Sagnol won't have it—he has had a strong game.

67' Simao is up, likely in for Pauleta. Simao has had some nice moments, and going to more 4-4-2 seems mandatory right now—there is just no contact up front.

66' Pauleta ruins a nice switch of field by giving it the full scuba—barely breathed on and he flops like Vlade Divac.

64' JP acknowledges Ribery's mercurial behavior at club level—he's been on 6 different clubs. He's getting the full tonguebath from the media this month, and he has been excellent, but now you know why he isn't a bigger name.

63' France definitely has pulled it in a bit, looking for counterattacks. A long cross is picked off by Barthez, perfect opportunity for a runout and throw to Ribery, but Fabien doesn't go for it.

61' Now Abidal goes down from a Figo cross that catches him full in the mush. Meanwhile, Paulo Ferreira comes in for Miguel, another Chelsea man who can't get a game at the club but is here in the World Cup.

60' An hour in and Miguel can't continue—looks like he pulled something on that awkward end to a good run. Portugal wanted the foul, but I don't think so. They're playing with ten until a sub can get ready. Shocked he didn't go down and at least stop the game.

58' Pauleta backheels for cutting Miguel, put he had stumbled after a strong run. He looks very good, though—Valencia may not be able to keep him.

57' Cutaway of Aime Jacquet in the house, manager in '98 when France won the Cup. Probably rooting for Portugal—those guys are all egomaniacs.

56' Dangerous corner just headed away by Meira with Veiera lurking. Meira and Veiera—that rhymes! Alert your favorite Eurorapper.

54' Ronaldo another nice run earns a corner. Nothing in it and Ribery sprints down the left on a counter, gets it too Zidane, and he leaves it for Henry—who thought ZZ Top would shoot. So much for putting aside the differences—nice call Rob.

53' Pauleta gets it from Figo with his back to the goal, turns quickly, and fires—hits the side netting, but his first bit of positivity tonight.

52' Seeing Veiera make a nice tackle reminds me that the match-fixing scandal in Italy, harped on endlessly yesterday, is a factor here. Patrick made a timely move from Arsenal to Juve, what? Trezeguet and Thuram will likely be moving too.

49' Not much talk lately about how Zidane and Henry can't work together—they have worked out their differences (pitch and personal) for the good of le Rupublique. France has another goal in them, you can feel it. Portugal needs a break or some fab individual play to turn the tide.

47' Tentative start to the half broken by a turnover and a bit of magic from Henry, who gets a left-footer off that Ricardo just manages to parry for a corner. Veiera can't get to the corner but France regains, Zidane throws in a series of stepovers, and Ribery gets off a crack that stuns Ricardo but he manages to pop it up in the air and recover to grab it.

And we're back. Portugal needs to make some runs to link off Ronaldo and get something tangible going in the box. Maniche may need to drop back and work with Ronaldo in tandem.

Here comes Zidane, taking the stairs two at a time. He looks 20 again! Or is it 18! The final will feature a holographic image of Zizou, like that endlessly aired Adidas ad with the shimmering young Beckenbauer.

I despise the Home Run Derby as the worst the confluence of American culture and ESPN propaganda can generate, but any excuse to play the 1812 Overture is a good one. Seek out Peter O'Toole in "My Favorite Year", he sings it drunkenly in a classic moment from a great flick. Wait, this isn't Cinematical, it's Deadspin? My bad.

Ahhh, Big Game Brent, thank you so for gracing us with your golden pipes! Now I know this game is worth watching.

Did you know Zidane wanted to play for Algeria, but his genius coach at the time said he was too slow? Right there with the deep mind who cut Michael Jordan from his high school team. That Algerian coach is now listening to "Shema Yisrael" on an endless loop in a dungeon in Algiers.

Miami Vice movie ad—can't wait! I like how Michael Mann is promo'd as the "director of Collateral" and not the man behind the original TV series. Man, I'm old...

Say it together—ZIZOU!! He has the lone goal on a penalty earned by Henry. Looks like he wants the storybook win the World Cup and walk away finish to his brilliant career. Top 5 all-time, with Pele, Maradona, De Stefano, and Alexi Lalas? I think so. Good to see an Algerian getting some love in the west, post-September 11th. My friend Beth has fallen for the Galactico Primero Uno, putting his gleaming dome as her wallpaper, even though her husband properly identified him as an extra from the dock scenes in French Connection II.

By the way, it's Champs Elysees, not the retarded way I spelled it earlier.

HALFTIME 1-0 FRANCE

46' Again Harkes says Portugal doesn't need to complain—ever hear of the Scorpion and the Frog, John?

45' Ribery assaulted again with no call—he pops up like Gumby but can't make anything happen.

45' Solid Ribery turn, but his shot is blocked.

44' Well, Ronaldo has no confidence in his teammates—his run down the right draws a troika of Frenchmen, and Cristiano just blasts ineffectively wide.

43' Pauleta has been invisible—given the strength of Ronaldo's runs he needs to make himself available.

42' Figo comes over and clatters Zidane down just because he's jealous of Zizou's Jean-Luc Picard look.

41' Ribery splits two men on the right and gets taken down, but Gorgeous Jorge waves him up. Bad no call there.

39' Brilliant Ronaldo run results in a left footed shot that deflects out for a corner. See, he can be so dangerous when not bitching and moaning. Costinha fouls Barthez on the corner.

38' Thuram again a cool clearance—he heard my lashing about their weakness earlier.

37' Figo with a pair of crosses—good Thuram clearance, than Ronaldo with a spectacular two and a half with a twist, looking for a makeup penalty. No dice. Someone on the Portugal bench hurled a water bottle on the field. This is what I was talking about in the intro—their plaers are so gifted but they are just such babies.

34' Maniche tries a low skipper from 40 yards out that Barthez fumbles but collects.

33' Zidane will take it—-GOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOAL!!! Ricardo of course got a piece, but not enough as Zizou tucks it with power into the left corner. 1-0 Les Bleus, and they're going wild on the Champs D'Elysee and fancy hair salons across the globe.

32' HENRY GOES DOWN IN THE AREA—PENALTY IS CALLED!!! He tried to flick past Carvalho, who just barely clips him, but it was a foul. Carvalho now out for the final, if...

31' Miguel starts a nice counter attack, but Pauleta lets everyone in red down with an errant pass toward Maniche.

30' Harkes says no one likes to see diving—doesn't he know that Portugal practices it as much or more than free kicks?

29' Nice closeout by Fernando Meira to prevent an Henry shot but France has taken control of the action through Zizou and Ribery.

28' Henry abuses Miguel but can't get any power on a tight angle shot, and Ricardo swallows it easily.

27' Zidane taken down at the edge of the area, ref says he dove! Looked a little dubious, frankly. Jorge has been OK thus far—Sepp must have his family locked up in a Montevideo basement as insurance.

25' Shot of large throng at FanFest in Munich—nice to see Ze Germans are still into it after yesterday. By the way, don't you wish they showed the huge mob at the Berlin Fan Mile after the loss? Surely there was some classic German sentimentality going on, probably involving truncheons.

24' Good Portugal possession but Valente's ball into the box isn't good.

23' Harkes just seemed to confuse Arsenal with Man United, saying Veiera knows Ronaldo well from his prior home in North London. C'mon, don't get Balboan on us.

22' Sagnol looking crafty for a defender (converted midfielder I believe), makes some nice touches but then remembers who he is and loses it out of bounds.

21' Nuno Valente facetraps an Henry blast after a couple of nice moves.

20' France looks a little misshapen at the back, especially susceptible to runs from the wing across the middle. Take control, Makelele!

18' First Big Phil cutaway—thnk he knows the camera will find him? No bad words about him, though—anyone with that kind of whammy on the English deserves 'spect.

16' Barthez stops a Figo strike with a nice stretch. Speaking of stretch, on the follow through Figo crashes heavily into Veiera, and needs the ole stretcher. Natch, he's right back on his feet.

15' Portugal wins a corner but it goes over everyone, At least JP didn't call it an outswinger, which souunds vaguely camp.

14' Zidane's first bit of brilliance, a stepover gets the ball to Ribery, a cross comes in for Henry who can't reach it. He looks a step behind early here, but as all Arsenal fans know, he can look that way for 85 minutes than break the enemy's heart with a sniper strike.

12' Figo with a nice step by but Amidal recovers and tackles him with the toe from behind.

11' Nice start to this one, much better than England-Portugal. Not the relentless pace of yesterday's furious action but not bad.

10' Veiera giveaway results in a good cross by Figo. Sliding clearance by Thuram.

9' Maniche unleashes a cannon off a magical Ronaldo backheel. Just glances over the crossbar. Maniche has been consistently dangerous in the Cup, looks it again.

8' Mystifying clearance gives France the game's first corner—Zizou looks for Henry but too tall for him.

7' Already Portugal looks much brighter in attack with Deco running the show.

6' Ribery's first action—he's gotten a lot of positive notices due to his super pace. This cross finds no one home, though.

4' Ronaldo sets up Deco who tests Barthez with a grounder to the far post. Good save and a good walloff by Sagnol to prevent Ronaldo from banging in the rebound.

3' Ronaldo booed lustily the first time he touchs the rock.

2' Our referee tonight is the infamous Jorge Larrionda of Uruguay, whom might have last seen tossing out red cards like they were Junior Mints in the Italy-USA match.

1' Malouda with an early chance after a long ball to the left side of the box. Wide.

It's quite jarring to see Henry wearing number 12. His nickname is TH14, for Pierre's sake! Like seeing Gretzky wear 91 while playing in the Olympics. Can't he at least work one of those trades, like you see from time to time in the pros, wear a player deals some steaks or a nice watch or a couple of groupies in exchange for a favorite number? C'mon Saha, give up jersey!

Anthems for each side. Surely we can agree Le Marseillaise is the greatest one out there, non? Can't you just picture Claude Rains signing it at Rick's? Too bad the Germans lost—we could have replayed that great scene in our heads in entirety.

Since Brent Musberger (what the hell is HE doing there?) just compared Zidane to John Stockton on the pre-game show (because us igna'nt Americans can't appreciate anything unless it's related to a sport we understand), I'll do a reach of my own. Cristiano Ronaldo reminds me off—Ruy Faleiro. Who? He was a colleague of fabled Portugal native Ferdinand Magellan (original name—Fernao de Magelhaes). A brilliant astronomer and mapmaker who went a little bonzo before Magellan took off, and missed out on the famous voyage (probably saving his life). Today, he would just take meds for being bipolar. He reminds me of Ronaldo—ingenius but troubled.

Forgive me—I'm reading a book about the famous voyage called Over The Edge Of The World (highly recommended), so I may have a few 16th century references today.

Walkout time. Uh-oh, Ronaldo just winked at Zidane. Trouble brewing?

Portugal is officially wearing port red shirts and port red socks. Yet Les Bleus is wearing white. Confusing times.

Still catching a buzz from yesterday's Italy-Germany all-Axis thriller? Well, shake it off, because it's time for the second semifinal. The resurgent Frenchies, in the rare position of being more manly than their opponents, against Portugal, featuring a forward line of Louganis and Cousteau. Have I tipped my hand? Truth is, I was quite happy to witness the Portuguese see the Twits off, thanks to Don Logan, ah, I mean Wayne Rooney ("Sexy Beast", anyone?). "Yes, Roundtree!!!" he screamed, as he buried his boot in Carvalho's calvalhos. But now, any thinking fan will be pulling for the magical Zizou and the elegant Henry and the hideous Barthez to make it to Berlin, and a date with fellow battlefield pushovers Italy.

It's temptingly easy to crib the match down to Figo versus Zidane, midfield partners in Madrid for years, talismanic presences, two of the richest players ever. But the real key could be Deco, returned from suspension against England and playing superbly as playmaker in the middle, against Claude Makelele, defensive midfielder deluxe, who easily crushed Brazil's "Magic Circle" and made the tournament favorites look like a weekend rec league side. If Deco can succeed where Ronaldinho failed, Portugal has an excellent chance.

If it comes down to coaches, take "Big Phil" Scolari over Raymond "Rolaids" Domenech, if only for Scolari's Bill Parcells-like charismatic force.

Figo, Maniche, Ricardo, Nuno Valente, and Carvalho all carry yellows into the game, and with their cynical approach—diving, cheap shots, grabbing the ball, time wasting, anything to break the rhythm of the opponent—one and all are in jeopardy of missing the final even if they get past France. The Frogs can't be all casual-like—Thuram, Sagno, Saha, Veiera, the electric Ribery, and Zidane himself are all in yellowland. Wouldn't it be so sadly ironic if Zizou were to lead his team to the final in his last Cup, then miss it due to a pileup of yellows?

These two nations don't have much of a history against one another, save two European Championship clashes, also in the semis. Both went down to the end—in 2000, Zidane struck a penalty three minutes from a shootout to put France into the final (which they would win). Then there was Michel Platini's famous winner in extra time in 1984, again sending the French to the final, and victory (go watch it on youtube quickly before the game starts). Zidane was a ballboy during that match, amazingly enough.

That I am alive today is a testament to the Gemutlichkeit that I feel toward my German brothers, whom I kid, but really want to see lose, too. And I'm betting that every sentient human being this side of the Rhine feels the same way as Italy goes into tomorrow's semifinal with the confidence of a team that has NEVER lost to Germany in the World Cup. But really, what do I know? I was convinced that Argentina had the Germans' number, too, only to end up with bratwurst on my face when they choked in the penalty shootout. Not that I'm bitter ... but didn't Pekerman live up to his name when he forgot that he had the best young player on the planet, Lionel Mesi, sitting on his bench, and instead put in some defensive-minded lummox for Crespo?

Oh, I'm full of questions today about the surreal weekend of World Cup action that we just witnessed. Here, in no particular order, are a few more:

• Has anyone else noticed that Michelle Lissel of Fox Soccer has gone glam on us, trading in her librarian look for a more pixie-ish bent featuring new hip specs and a sexy bob? Let's hope the boys at Maxim are paying attention.

• Why is it that when England gets knocked out of a World Cup, two things invariably happen? First, they are never beaten fair and square by an opponent's foot. In 1986, there was the fabled Hand of God, and now we have the Testicles of Carvalho. It may not be as mellifluous-sounding as Maradona's brazen piece of chicanery, but judging from the Portuguese defender's face after Rooney stomped his lunchbox, it's a lot more painful. On the other hand, when's the last time that you got kicked in the swingers and didn't have to spend the rest of the day in a fetal position with a bag of ice between your legs? The fact that Carvalho, after much moaning and writhing around, was able to continue playing only minutes later suggests either he has balls of steel ... or is Portugal's answer to Al Pacino.

Second, their marquee player always dissolves in tears. Does anyone remember the sorry sight of Gazza blubbering after he was yellow-carded during England's semi-final loss to Germany in '90? On Saturday, it was David Beckham's turn to do his best impression of Johnny Sack after he was carted away, sobbing and wailing, from his daughter's wedding. When Becks limped off in the 60th minute, the camera caught him all red-eyed before panning to Posh in the stands. It was difficult to glimpse her tears because she was wearing one of the 60 pairs of over-sized sunglasses she had brought to Germany for her three-week stay.

• When, just before the penalty shootout in Germany-Argentina, Kahn came over and put an arm around Lehman's shoulder, did you, like me, hold your breath to see whether Kahn would then use his other arm to smash Lehman's nose up into his brain and render him unconscious so he would get a chance to step in for his bitter rival in goal?. Instead, we got a touchy-feely moment for the ages with the two men clasping hands in a "Deutschland Uber Alles" shake that made my heart soar.

• And speaking of soaring, for a guy who made diving into performance art as a player, doesn't Juergen Klinsmann have some mad ups? When Lehman stoned Maxi Rodriquez' s penalty, Klinsman vaulted at least three feet off the ground and kicked his legs up like Jordan did after hitting The Jumper over Byron Russell. I think it's safe to say that Peter Crouch, all 6-foot-8 of him, has never sniffed the air at that altitude.

• Not that I'm complaining, mes amis footballeurs, but was anyone else as startled as me (and I'm just guessing Carlos Parreira) that no Brazilian defender was within a swath of Copacabana beach of Henry on Zidane's free kick? I mean, Henry was so open he must have felt like Jean-Marie Le Pen at an End to Racism rally.

Perhaps the Brazilians had heard that the last time Zidane passed to Henry was back when the Americans liberated Paris and figured he would never cede the glory to the Arsenal striker, with whom he has always had a cool relationship. But Les Bleus, after almost imploding in the early rounds, have re-discovered the fraternite that drove them to victory in '98, and it's all one big love-in now with Zizou at the heart of it. Against Brazil, it was almost as if he were taunting Ronaldinho, saying "I am the Great Zidane, three-time World Football Player of the Year and until I leave the stage you will always be in my shadow."

• And finally, what upsets you more about Brazil's stunning exit from the tournament? The thought of not getting to revel anymore in their celebrated Jogo Bonito (wait, did we EVER get see it other than in commercials?), or not getting to ogle all those gratuitous shots of Brazilian fans on Deadspin?

Phil West of Austin, Texas: "My prediction is France-Germany and some really nasty Vichy France/Arc de Triomphe parade needless trash-talk. My nightmare is Italy-Portugal, which would inadvertently be decided on a penalty kick after a dive and an accompanying (because, you know, 2006 World Cup) yellow card."

Richard Gadsden: "We've been here before, and, unusually, Germany doesn't have the advantage. In fact, Italy are 2-0-2 against Germany in World Cup Finals tournaments, including wins in a final (1982) and a semi (1970). The "bogey team" concept has already been reinforced this year by France's unlikely win over Brazil, so Italy's awesome history over Germany has to be taken seriously."

And footie guru Mike Cardillo was kind enough to send in a detailed report on both semifinal games. It is available, in its glorious entirety, after the jump.

Good idea on all reader preview. Although our knowledge is considerably less than Marcelo Balboa, we manage to get our point across without stammering!

Italy/Germany

Loathsome, contemptale, obnoxious, dispicable. Surpringly were not talking about our German overlords, nay, the greasy-haired, underwear models from Italia.

Meanwhile, the usually stern Germans have taken a cue from German-turned-California Jurgen Klinsmann and have given the host nation a bunch of thrills, amazing with smiles instead of moustaches and bad perms on their face.

That said, that means nothing when they meet Tuesday in the 'Opera House' that is the Westfalenstadion in Dortmund.

If you take the tournament as a whole, Italy has been the most impressive team — including the USA debacle in Kaiserslautern. No opposing player is yet to penetrate Gianluigi Buffon's net.

Also, for all the talk of the Italian football scandal, it's probably brought the team closer together and given them a rallying point.

Meanwhile, the Germans have only played one good team — Argentina — and needed a miracle in kicks to defeat them. Die Mannschaft's only chance is if Michael Ballack plays like the player Chelsea has spent all these Euros on. Don't count on Klinny pulling the right strings.

For some reason this game is going to atone, at least for the Italians, for the Cup in 1990. Italy, as hosts, were ousted in the semifinals by Argentina. My grandfather was in Italia during the tournament and basically described it as dour as if the Pope was shot. (Well...not exactly his words.)

Therefore Italy denies the hosts their chance to become champions on homesoil. Luca Toni with another brace. The Pick: Italy 2, Germany 0

France/Portugal

It's hard to call Portugal a surprise or underdog. The small Atlantic state has continually churned out, fun, attacking players and with Big Phil Scolari at the reigns can lockdown the backline with the best of them. Still, this is only their fourth World Cup and first semifinals birth since the great Eusebio in 1966.

For France, everyone, HOPED they were dead in the Group Stage. Really, even with geniuses like Zidane and Henry you cannot root for the Les Blues. Still, the '98 champs have looked better and gained confidence since dispatching Togo 2-0 and did send Brasil (which played dismally against quality opponents) packing.

This will be a pairing of two teams using the 4-5-1 formation, the difference will be a rested Deco, who sat out the Engerland win with a Red card suspension. France has put too much into the last two wins and their astrology loving coach Raymond Domenech's luck runs out here.

You can't overstate the impact of Big Phil. The players absolutely love him and don't think they can lose with him on the touchline. Did you see him bearhug each and every player after the win over England? They'll atone for losing Euro 2004 on homesoil with a win here.

The pick: Força! Portugal wins it for Nelly Furtado, 1-0.

And, unfortunately, a large part of the story will be another dubious red card. It went against Wayne Rooney, after he stepped on Ricardo Carvalho's balls (edit: and then shoved Cristiano Ronaldo). The wang stomp didn't look intentional, but he was sent off, leaving England a man down for much of the second half. And they missed him when it came down to kicks, as Gerrard, Lampard, and Carragher all missed.

Cristiano Ronaldo might want to push for a transfer to get himself out of the English Premier League, too. There was a heated confrontation between him and Rooney after Rooney's red card, and if Rooney doesn't beat his ass soon, some English hooligan probably will.

Brazil/France is at 3, for the last spot in the semifinals.

England 1-3 Portugal (pk) [FIFA World Cup]

JP Dellacamera used the words "shocking," and "awful," to describe the performance of Russian ref Valentin Ivanov, and I don't think players or fans on either side would disagree. He not only did he hand out some bizarre cards, but at the same time, somehow managed to lose complete control of the game. This game had to be an embarrassment for the entire FIFA organization.

All the shenanigans notwithstanding, it was an outstanding game. Scoring chances galore, intense, physical play, and a genuine dislike between the two teams made for a compelling contest. The Dutch side certainly had more than their share of good chances for a goal, but couldn't sneak one through, despite spending a significant portion of the second half with a man advantage. And I think Ruud Van Nistlerooy must've nailed the Dutch coach's wife, because there was no good reason for him to not get on the pitch today.

So Portugal advances to face England, and they might even be able to field an entire team of 11. Constinha and Deco are suspended, and Cristiano Ronaldo might be hurt.

Portugal 1-0 Netherlands [ESPN Soccernet]

So, yeah: It's Mexico vs. Portugal, with all kinds of activity going on. Mexico is the U.S.'s big rival, but we're not sure if that means you should root for them now, or not.

Your live-blogger for this one is John Bolster, who has live-blogged with us before. (He's famously the sports editor for Penthouse.) So let us know what you think, play along in the comments and let's try to keep it clean out there.

Thanks a lot, folks. The disrobing has begun here in the Lounge, and I gotta go. See you next week for the quarterfinals!

It's official: Mexico is through as Angola finishes tied with Iran, 1-1. Mexico gets second in the group and will play the winner of the Argentina-Holland group, while Portugal gets the runner-up.

92:00 Beep-beep-beep. That's the sound of Mexico backing into the second round with a loss to a Portugal team resting five starters. On the other hand, it's the fourth straight time El Tri has advanced out of group play in the World Cup. Good for them, and for CONCACAF.

90:00 Camera pans the crowd and settles on a brunette in Mexico red. We'd say she was hot, except for the fact that she looks disturbingly like Brazil midfielder Kaka.

88:00 Boa Morte gets a yellow for a scrappy tackle on Naelson. Eighth yellow of the day, to go with one red.

85:00 Franco controls the ball well in the box, tries to turn, loses it, and then falls in a lame attempt to draw a penalty. Denied.

82:00 Iran presents a gift to Mexico by tying it up against Angola. Mexico can breathe easy for now.

80:00 Boa Morte in for Figo. Mexico brings in Franco and takes off Mendez.

78:00 Shot of Eusebio in the stands! The Black Pearl, star of the 1966 World Cup. Big Phil Scolari says, "We have Eusebio with us. He gave the players the confidence they needed to get to the next round." But can he help them with their chronic underperformance when it matters most?

75:00 Mexico corner headed out...rebound volleyed back in and blocked.

71:00 Mexico's Castro squanders an opportunity from the right flank, mis-hitting his cross into a back-pass to Ricardo.

68:00 Angola's Flavio has just scored his country's first-ever World Cup goal, putting them up 1-0 on Iran. One more from them or from Portugal and Mexico is out of the World Cup.

66:00 Tiago rips one from 25 yards, it bounces wide of the far post.

64:00 Bravo shoots high—way high—from the right flank. That was a chance to make up for the missed PK. Poor Omar. What Would Johnny Do?

62:00 Perez of Mexico is sent off with his second yellow! Apparently for diving in the box, trying to draw a second penalty kick for El Tri. Tough break for Mexico. They'll be down a man from here on out.

60:00 Calhoolio is apoplectic that he is stuck in the office for this one: "I cannot believe I didnt come in for this game. I would have been on my fifth beer already, whipping my shirt around ML-Carr-style over my head."

57:00 BRAVO SKIES IT OVER THE BAR! Choking on a golden opportunity to tie this game up. The Mexico City crowd is non-plussed.

57:00 PENALTY!! Perez cuts back in the box, Miguel slips, lands on the ball, hand-first. Ref points to the spot.

53:00 Shot of the masses in Mexico City watching the game. Maybe they should be watching Angola v Iran. So far the Angolans are cooperating: it's 0-0 over in that one.

50:00 Correction: there were three yellow cards issued in the first half. Pardo skims a free kick wide for Mexico. Calhoolio reports from a remote location: "Good to see Pardo finally in front of the cameras after all of those years doing voiceover work for NBC."

47:00 And we're back: Mexico has made a sub: playmaker Zinha in for defender Rodriguez. Feel free to read this blog in alternating voices: first as an over-excited spanish-accented announcer, then as a bored American-accented announcer. Repeat as often as needed.

46:00 HALFTIME The PH Pets are having coffee, stretching in their robes. Their comments? Fonseca has been man of the match for Mexico so far, and not just for the goal.

Our Man at the Valley: "Excellent first half. Not too much skill, but lots of goals, and lots of violence."

There have been two yellow cards. Surprising for a game in which a draw suits both teams just fine.

Lalas: "Please please please will someone put me in touch with the Portugese girl from "Love Actually"?
.
45:00 Pardo plays a dangerous ball into the box...it pings around dangerously, but no one can corral it. Portugal clears in desperation. Ricardo is hurt. ... Make that "hurt."

44:00 Pardo shoots from distance! Nice diving save by Ricardo, rebound played out for a corner.

41:00 According to an "online survey," two out of three Portugese citizens expect Portugal to win the World Cup this year. According to another online survey, two out of three Portugese citizens are unaware that Portugal will play either Argentina or Holland in the next round.

39:00 Fonseca battles well for a header in the box...just wide.

36:00 Rafa Marquez has been moved up to midfield today. Rob Stone not sure it's working out for El Tri. Greg Lalas surprised Marquez hasn't kicked Figo yet. "It's almost halftime," he says.

33:00 Mexico free kick from the left side...headed over the bar for a corner. Which Mexico wastes.

29:00 GOAL!! Mexico! Fonseca skims the corner off his head just inside the far post! 2-1 Portugal.

29:00 Bravo stopped from point-blank range by Ricardo!

28:00 Portugal forces Sanchez into a great save! Rebound fired over the bar. Simao and Tiago. Hey, when the pressure's off, Portugal can play.

26:00 Our Man at the Valley weighs in from Germany: "Great call! ... I had a fight with a Mexican fan in Dusseldorf last night. He was wearing a Cuahtemoc Blanco shirt. I told him Cobi was better."

23:00 PENALTY!! Mexico called for a handball on a corner kick! Penalty kick to be taken by Simao...HE BURIES IT! 2-0 Portugal!

22:00 Marquez turns it over, Portugal has numbers on the counter...Maniche is fouled at the top of the box.

20:00 Figo with a nice run down the right wing, wins a corner for Portugal. Figo sends it in, poorly, but it comes righ back to him. He beats a defender and sends in a cross...claimed by Sanchez.

16:00 Rob Stone and Robin Fraser are our announcers today, by the way. They are approximately 35 times better than Dave O'brien and Marcelo Balboa, though Fraser's voice may not be ready for prime-time.

11:00 Portugal playing with the house's money right now. Knocking it around effortlessly. Totally relaxed.

9:00 Mexico's Omar Bravo takes down Petit. Greg Lalas weighs in from the road: "Is Omar Bravo Johnny Bravo's long-lost Libyan cousin? And does he want to be a rock star too?"

6:00 GOAL!! Maniche of Portugal— against the run of play. A great counter by Portugal, Simao squares it for Maniche, who finishes from 12 yards!

2:00 Fonseca of Mexico with a nice solo run into the box, he shoots! ... Saved by Ricardo.

Good Morning Folks, and welcome to the final game of Group D for Portugal and Mexico, kicking off at the AufSchalke Arena in Gelsenkirchen (Geusundheit.)

The Penthouse Lounge is a little subdued today (disco ball: off, music: low, Penthouse Pets: robed) because Portugal, already through to the next round, will be fielding mostly reserves for this one.

Mexico needs just a point or an Angola tie or loss v Iran to join them. The only scenario in which Mexico doesnt go through is if they lose and Angola wins big.

• 1. Meet Portugal. It fashions itself as Brazil junior, with the one-name players, the flashy 1-v-1 skills, the language, etc. However, Portugual has never won a major tournament and lost (gasp!) to the USA, 3-2, in the opening game of the 2002 Cup. Even worse, they lost at home to Greece at Euro 2004.

• 2. Keep Your Eye On The Crowd. Singer Nelly Furtado, although born in Canada, has Portuguese/Azorean roots. She wrote the offical theme song for Euro 2004. But how about Luis Figo, who comes home to Swedish super-model Helena Svedinevery night?

• 3. Know Your Portugese Soccer Icons. Eusebio — born in Mozambique, the 'Black Pearl/Panther' was the first Portuguese star from their colonial African empire. He led Benefica to the 1962 European Cup over Real Madrid. In 1966 he led the World Cup with nine goals scored, earning him immediate enshirement in Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. He even took the cash and played a few seasons in the NASL in the late 1970s, taking the field for the immortal Boston Minutemen and Las Vegas Quicksilver.

• 4. You Make The Call. Who know's what this team can do? Witness: In qualification they blew a 2-0 lead to draw mighty Liechtenstein (the first ever points for the country), causing Lisbon newspapers to call the Selecao "Europe's Laughingstock." Days later Portugal hammered Russia 7-1, en route to scoring 35 goals in qualifying.

(Tomorrow: Saudi Arabia)