Did Mesut Özil Actually Suck Last Year? Whose Fault Was That?

It was easy to blame Mesut Özil, because it's easy to blame any athlete for anything. But last year, it was particularly easy to blame Mesut Özil. He arrived under the halo of his record £42.5 million fee at Arsenal, implicitly anointing him Savior, a title that almost always preempts failure. » 8/23/14 11:13am Saturday 11:13am

British Skip Bayless Has A Strong Take On Mario Balotelli

We'll have more on this as an actual soccer move when (if?) it becomes official, but it's looking pretty near certain that AC Milan striker/international style icon Mario Balotelli will be returning to the Premier League, slotting in at Liverpool to replace Luis Suárez. Chris Bascombe over at the Telegraph has fucking » 8/21/14 11:46am 8/21/14 11:46am

The Premier League Is Banning Goals Being Posted to Vine and Twitter

If there's one thing better than a wonderful goal in soccer, it's reliving it over, and over, and over, and over. Preferably in slow-mo. Ideally as a looped GIF. And almost certainly sourced from social media. But sadly, the UK's Premier League is stamping out all such behavior. » 8/15/14 10:26am 8/15/14 10:26am

Which Leagues Are Having The Most Success At The World Cup?

For people who really know their shit about soccer, one of the fun bits of the World Cup is recognizing which club-level teammates and rivals are facing off for their various national squads. Which of these club leagues are best represented at this year's Cup? The New York Times built an elaborate web of club-level… » 6/24/14 2:03pm 6/24/14 2:03pm

Man United Hire New Manager, Already Expect To Win Premier League

It's not even next season yet and we've already got the first lolunited post of the '14-'15 campaign. New Manchester United ship captain Louis van Gaal has officially been christened, and in lieu of smacking him across the head with a champagne bottle, they've promised him £150M, with an expectation that he win the… » 5/20/14 10:54am 5/20/14 10:54am

The 2013-14 Premier League Season Was Well And Truly Fucking Awesome

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There was pessimism, hope, and ultimately failure. There was schadenfreude; oh, was there schadenfreude. There were also huge games, mesmerizing goals, and more twists in the title race than a M. Night Shyamalan movie (but actually good). To cap off an especially… » 5/13/14 3:23pm 5/13/14 3:23pm

You'll Never Flop Alone: Sad Scenes From The Last Of Liverpool's Season

On Sunday, I watched the deflating end of Liverpool's season from various points along Anfield Road, not far from the team's stadium and headquarters. The result was the culmination of a slow-motion regression to an unhappy mean. Having entered the stretch run looking like a lock to win the Premiership and having… » 5/13/14 2:19pm 5/13/14 2:19pm

Heartbreaking Draw Almost Certainly Ends Liverpool's Title Challenge

There is no God. Money does buy happiness. Might overcomes beauty every time. These are the harsh realities soccer fans must begrudgingly accept after Crystal Palace's shocking 88th minute equalizer gave Liverpool a draw—a result that all but mathematically kills their miraculous championship dream. » 5/05/14 5:08pm 5/05/14 5:08pm

Liverpool Would Have The Biggest Turnaround For A Champion In 29 Years

The race for the Premier League title got a lot closer this Sunday, as Liverpool fell to Chelsea and Manchester City topped Crystal Palace. With one fewer game played, City holds the goal differential tiebreak over Liverpool, and is currently a 4/5 favorite to win it all. » 4/28/14 12:37pm 4/28/14 12:37pm

Steven Gerrard Slips, Allows Demba Ba To Score Easy Goal

In stoppage time at the end of the first half of Chelsea-Liverpool, Steven Gerrard slipped on a nothing play and allowed Demba Ba to coast right in on goal, with only the keeper to beat. Ba scored and Chelsea have a 1-0 lead in a game that could decide the Premier League title. Naturally, we added "Yakety Sax" as a… » 4/27/14 10:32am 4/27/14 10:32am