Which Leagues Are Having The Most Success At The World Cup?

For people who really know their shit about soccer, one of the fun bits of the World Cup is recognizing which club-level teammates and rivals are facing off for their various national squads. Which of these club leagues are best represented at this year's Cup? The New York Times built an elaborate web of club-level… » 6/24/14 2:03pm 6/24/14 2:03pm

Man United Hire New Manager, Already Expect To Win Premier League

It's not even next season yet and we've already got the first lolunited post of the '14-'15 campaign. New Manchester United ship captain Louis van Gaal has officially been christened, and in lieu of smacking him across the head with a champagne bottle, they've promised him £150M, with an expectation that he win the… » 5/20/14 10:54am 5/20/14 10:54am

The 2013-14 Premier League Season Was Well And Truly Fucking Awesome

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There was pessimism, hope, and ultimately failure. There was schadenfreude; oh, was there schadenfreude. There were also huge games, mesmerizing goals, and more twists in the title race than a M. Night Shyamalan movie (but actually good). To cap off an especially… » 5/13/14 3:23pm 5/13/14 3:23pm

You'll Never Flop Alone: Sad Scenes From The Last Of Liverpool's Season

On Sunday, I watched the deflating end of Liverpool's season from various points along Anfield Road, not far from the team's stadium and headquarters. The result was the culmination of a slow-motion regression to an unhappy mean. Having entered the stretch run looking like a lock to win the Premiership and having… » 5/13/14 2:19pm 5/13/14 2:19pm

Heartbreaking Draw Almost Certainly Ends Liverpool's Title Challenge

There is no God. Money does buy happiness. Might overcomes beauty every time. These are the harsh realities soccer fans must begrudgingly accept after Crystal Palace's shocking 88th minute equalizer gave Liverpool a draw—a result that all but mathematically kills their miraculous championship dream. » 5/05/14 5:08pm 5/05/14 5:08pm

Liverpool Would Have The Biggest Turnaround For A Champion In 29 Years

The race for the Premier League title got a lot closer this Sunday, as Liverpool fell to Chelsea and Manchester City topped Crystal Palace. With one fewer game played, City holds the goal differential tiebreak over Liverpool, and is currently a 4/5 favorite to win it all. » 4/28/14 12:37pm 4/28/14 12:37pm

Steven Gerrard Slips, Allows Demba Ba To Score Easy Goal

In stoppage time at the end of the first half of Chelsea-Liverpool, Steven Gerrard slipped on a nothing play and allowed Demba Ba to coast right in on goal, with only the keeper to beat. Ba scored and Chelsea have a 1-0 lead in a game that could decide the Premier League title. Naturally, we added "Yakety Sax" as a… » 4/27/14 10:32am 4/27/14 10:32am

Manchester United Sacks Sad Sack David Moyes After Disastrous Campaign

It's official! Sad David Moyes has been fired by sad Manchester United, just one year into a six-year contract. While Moyes had avoided the ax a couple times this season, the sacking isn't at all surprising given a nightmarish campaign that has resulted in United's worst ever Premier League season and widespread glee… » 4/22/14 11:09am 4/22/14 11:09am

Typical José: Chelsea's Champions League Win Was Right On Schedule

José Mourinho's teams are some goddamn cockroaches, man. Just when you think you've got them squashed, their viscous innards seeping from their corrugated underbelly—as PSG could've justifiably believed, leading Chelsea 3-1 after the first leg of their Champions League tie—they somehow keep right on crawling and end… » 4/09/14 2:03pm 4/09/14 2:03pm

Here's Everton's Ross Barkley Dribbling 75 Yards And Scoring A Goal

So, Everton are playing Newcastle today, and midway through the first half, the Magpies took a corner kick that was cleared to Everton's young midfielder Ross Barkley. Then Barkley dribbled all the way down the right by himself, cut left inside the box through Newcastle defenders, and roofed a shot past the keeper. » 3/25/14 5:35pm 3/25/14 5:35pm

Ref Sends Off Wrong Man In Chelsea-Arsenal Match

Arsenal's Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain appeared to use his hand to deflect a shot that was, at the very least, near the goal today in Stamford Bridge. Eden Hazard one-timed a feed from Fernando Torres to the far side of the goal and Oxlade-Chamberlain must have just brain-farted because he dove and tried to stop it with… » 3/22/14 10:01am 3/22/14 10:01am