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more about #minnesotatwins more comments → dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Way to ruin the unveiling of my new euphemism for fake tits, Dash. more » UpstateUnderdog: I can't put my calculator away, I'm wearing it on my wrist. more » Brazil Thrill: "This is completely unfair! The commissioner didn't even give us a chance to buy the MVP!" -- Hank Steinbrenner more » Weed Against Speed: Fine, I will surrender my calculator, but you'll have to pry this abacus out of my cold, dead hands, good sir. more » Chris Hanson's Axe: But Miguel Cabrera had the highest BLEERP in the AL!! Are you kidding me?? more » Sh!tShow: Dammit. Now we'll never get FJM back. more » Phintastic: Indigenous nerds in Australia are still instructed to stay away from white people. more » Stev D: But I am so close to proving the existance of Nefi Perez. more » ClintonPortishead: Put Away Your Calculators Calcu-what-now? -Murray Chass more » MarkKelsosMigraine: Put away your calculator? How the hell am I supposed to inappropriately spell "BOOBS" during second period? /32 years old more » P. Escobar, Jets Fan: Indigent nerds, however, may form a queue to apply for a stat research job at ESPN. Base salary is only 25K, but Bristol does have lovely foliage and ... more » Pete Gaines: Yeah, Barry, stupid fans paying ridiculous prices for meaningless pieces of stadium junk sure is worthy of ridicule. I mean, look at all those idiot ... more » Kid Canada: The stuff, most of it ephemera, was piled on folding tables along 15 sections of the Dome's concourse Isn't ephemera on the banned substance list? #m... more » lefonceobscure: Isn't that Roseanne's daughter from Roseanne? #minnesotatwins more » Chad Sexington a/k/a CW: Victor Kulak has really let himself go. more » -
#mlb
Put Away Your Calculators. Joe Mauer Is MVP
Indignant nerds may stand down. Your numerically eviscerating PowerPoint presentation about Derek Jeter's faults is both lovely and precise, but will not be needed this year. (Only an idiotic first-place vote for Miguel Cabrera kept it from being unanimous.) [MPR] -
#mlb
Metrodome Memories Are A Little Pathetic
Since the Twins have a fancy new field, it was time to get rid of all the leftover stuff at the Metrodome. A phrase comes to mind: "And nothing of value was lost." More » -
#wakeupdeadspin
Someone Just Blew This Guy's Mind
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. More » -
#mlb
Phil Cuzzi's Career Trajectory Not Exactly A String Of Successes
Phil Cuzzi was once fired as a minor league umpire, and later appealed to the league president while tending bar at a New Jersey hotel. Twins fans could still use a stiff drink. [Augusta Chronicle, via FanHouse] -
#wakeupdeadspin
Does This Look Foul To You?
Good thing that Major League Baseball adds two extra umpires to cover those close plays down the line in the playoffs. That way no one will have any grounds to complain that a bad call completely ruined their season. More » -
#wakeupdeadspin
Twins Add One More Insult To Injury
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. More » -
#watercoolerfodder
Nicaragua's About To Get Some New Tigers Gear
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More » -
#liveblog
AL Central Tie-Breaker: Tigers vs. Twins
Well, I'm stuck here watching this game on a Tuesday afternoon (5:07? Really?) so I might as well describe it to you in pithy chronological outbursts. Nothing helps the sting of your team's season fading away like a live blog More » -
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#weekendwinner
The Metrodome Wins The Weekend
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, which won the weekend by living past the weekend. Hefty bags forever! More » -
#mlb
Dodgers Clinch, Tigers and Twins Go to the Wire
Manny Ramirez and JIM THOME celebrated after Los Angeles locked up the National League West on the eve of the season's final day. Meanwhile 162 games may not be enough to settle the AL Central. More » -
#mlb
Baseball Update!
Oh, shit, the Twins just scored four runs. And they look great in those throwbacks! Though honestly you see so many TC hats these days (even in New York!) that I'm seriously missing the lowercase M. Poor Greinke :( More » -
#mlb
Minnesota Takes Characteristically Polite Umbrage At Sign-Stealing Allegations
You saw the video this morning. The Twins have responded with amusement and gentle outrage at any suggestion that Joe Mauer might've been relaying signs from second base like some Navy signalman on the flight deck of the Nimitz. More » -
#mlb
Think There's No Cheating In Baseball?
Here's Joe Mauer, in Tuesday night's game, blatantly tipping pitches from second base. Trust me when I say there's nothing extraordinary about this sort of thing. [Via Total Pro Sports] -
#mlb
Tigers And Twins Desperately Trying To Make You Care About Baseball
The 2009 baseball season has been a bit of a dud, drama-wise. So how about a final week double-header that will MEAN EVERYTHING! Or change everything. Or solve nothing? I forget how these dramatic finishes are supposed to work. More » -
#whyyourstadiumsucks
Why Your Stadium Sucks: Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Minnesota Twins' Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. More » -
#mediarubdowns
Ron Coomer Looks Very Relaxed
Would you like to see former Twins "legend" Ron Coomer receive an erotic "couples" massage, even though he appears to be alone? I hope you all learned something from this. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team] -
#mlb
All You Can Eat, With A Side Order Of Cardiac Disease
One $34 ticket to a Twins game gets you a bleacher seat and free food — everything but beer and ice cream sundaes —so fans are loading up for their sleep-induced hibernation until Brett Favre arrives. [AP] -
#mlb
The Minnesota Twins Had A Rough Weekend
Ron Gardenhire's crew arrived in the Bronx just in time for the movers who finally brought over the magical Yankees Magic Machine from the other stadium. Oooooh ... ghosts! More » -
#mlb
Yeah, Bert Blyleven Ate Those Worms
Gee, I wonder why this guy isn't in the Hall Of Fame yet? (It was all for charity, folks.) And where is angry press release from PETA? [Sportress of Blogitude]
