The culprit is Bill Carroll, a New Yorker transplanted to Southern California, and he tells the New York Post that he was ratted out by an off-duty cop who texted security to tell them that a Jets fan was making a "disturbance." A police sergeant who responded says he asked Carroll three times to come upstairs and "talk," but Carroll "refused and made a fist." So naturally, he got six other guys and jacked him up.

The cops say Bill was drunk. Carroll says he had three beers over the course of the afternoon and volunteered to take a Breathalyzer (which they did not administer.) We also have another report that suggests there was a disturbance... but Carroll was not the one who caused it. This story received via email is unverified, but I do have reason believe it was sent by the same person who uploaded the video to YouTube. Grain, salt ....

I believed what prompted security to come down was because this lady in a wheelchair who was standing by me asked him [Carroll] to come over to her. She had been heckling Jets fans most of the game. He bent over and she smacked him on the face and told him to shut the fuck up. He laughed it off and went back to his seat with his girlfiend. I think they probably saw there was some disturbance and told the cops to investigate. This guy was just saying Jets Jets Jets for 10 minutes...nothing else. Everyone ignored him (except the wheelchair lady) The other jets fans were quiet at that time since they were still losing and he was routing them on. It pissed me off cause I'm a Giants fan and hate the jets but what can you do.... he's was just an obnoxious fan and a mild one at that (for the opposing fans.) It looked like they told him to stop chanting but he continued. I don't think they liked his attitude and pounced on him. He resisted after they tried to subdue him. That was my observation of the events. Really if anything the wheelchair lady should have been the one arrested.

It's always the wheelchair hooligans, isn't it? So it sounds like Bill was being incredibly annoying—as is his constitutional right as a Jet fan—but annoying doesn't usually hold up in court. This injustice will probably have to stand though since 49 other people were arrested during the game and Jets are still alive. There are bigger fish to be fried here.

Jets fan arrested after cheering at Chargers game in San Diego [NY Post]
Cops: Jets fan's arrest video incomplete [San Diego Union-Tribune]

Yes, Bar None is a sizable drinking establishment on Third Avenue in Manhattan with two large rooms equipped for watching football and being loud. The front room belongs to Vikes. The back room belongs to the Saints. (And their amazing homemade jambalaya. Seriously, it's to die for.) There are occasional "disagreements," but never have they faced one quite like the upcoming NFC Championship Game. The only upset will be if the game doesn't end with an arson.

There are intense negotiations going on this week between the fan clubs and the bar. Who will get in? How will they enter? Knives or chains? The Saints group has even offered to wager the bar itself as the ultimate spoil to the victor. Lose and you're banished forever. Now that's gambling!

In case you're considering it, non-regulars should not even bother going down there to watch the big game. VIP lists and doorman will attempt to maintain order this weekend. If you want to watch overweight drunks kick each other into the gutter, however, you should definitely pack a lunch.

For fans of Saints and Vikings, a big game potentially grows bigger [Yahoo]
The Best Place to Watch the NFC Title Game [Photo via NY Mag]

Here are some of the more popular renditions of the theme that you can probably find repeated ad nauseum on Twitter:

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to hang himself last night? He got the noose around his neck, but he couldn't kick the chair.

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to shoot himself last night? The bullet was wide right.

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills last night? He choked on the first three.

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to throw himself into a volcano yesterday? He was going to take a flight to Hawaii, but he missed it.

Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to slit his wrists with piano wire? He couldn't get his hands inside the upright.

Of course, death LOLs were not the only chuckles to be had at poor Nate's expense. You could try the Facebook page where his supporters furiously try to defend their hero. Or one of the ones where they don't. You could search for veiled threats toward him. Or not so veiled.

The defacement of his Wikipedia page has been fixed, but there's still the accusations of game fixing, comparisons to legendary choke artists of the past, Ray Finkle jokes, fart jokes (?), even insults (I think) in Spanish. Chiefs fans are naturally delighted, Raider fans are actually trying to take credit and everyone else is suddenly writing Jay Leno's next monologue. Don't worry—even if you spell his name wrong the hate can still be found.

I'll let Sad Charger Fan Nick, who sent the picture at the top, have the last word:

Got a few pics for you that sums up Chargers' fans feelings in the wake of the Jets game. My girlfriend had to stop me from setting the jersey on fire. Fuck.

He couldn't even follow through? Just like Nate Kaeding! Hey, I heard Nate Kaeding tried to set a jersey on fire once, but burned down the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory instead! Ka-POW!

Kaeding is kicking himself [San Diego Union-Tribune]

With weekly games, NFL reporters have a lot of column inches to fill. And nothing pads out the week's coverage like trash talk. But, barring that, there's the old trope of two stars having mutual respect for one another. Brett Favre and Tony Romo, two QBs the rest of the country lives to hate, have been showing nothing but love for each other. A little too much love.

Romo, as you'll hear a million times, grew up in Wisconsin as a Packers fan. While he claims he never owned a Favre jersey,

[H]e's definitely a guy that I watched play every Sunday, and I enjoyed watching him play.

"I just think that Brett's been playing the game at such a high-level for so long that he's in a class by himself. There's always comparisons being made to him all the time, but there's only one Brett Favre."

You got some drool on your chin there, champ. Brett, do you have something nice to say about Tony?

His excitement and passion for the game is obvious, and I think it's real genuine," Favre said of Romo. "I think that's what people like. They like to see the realness from any player. When you watch Tony you see that.

"He and I will exchange texts occasionally, great job, wish you well, things like that."

What are you doing tonight, it's 2 a.m. and Deanna's out of town, you know, things like that.

I think any time you're playing in this type of game, it's going to be special,'' Romo said Thursday. "I like Brett. He's fun to hang out with and talk to and stuff."

"Do you think he likes me back?" Romo then asked the reporter.

One of the two will have to lose Sunday, but don't we always hurt the ones we love? Meanwhile, the rest of us are rooting for the meteor.

Romo never owned a Favre Jersey [St. Paul Pioneer Press]
A case of mutual admiration [Houston Chronicle]
Romo: Playoffs Special, Not Fact He'll Face Favre [AP]

With all the talk about how the NFL has become a pass-happy, offense first league, it was still the old standbys—rushing and defense—that determined the Wild Card winners. Joe Flacco completed four passes yesterday ... and he was the winning quarterback. His teammates forced the previously reliable Tom Brady into four turnovers. The Dallas front line hammered the Eagles all night (when the refs weren't hammering them both with penalty flags) and even as the Jets gave up 169 yards on the ground to Cedric Benson, the Bengals still couldn't put any points on the board.

Okay, so the game of the weekend (and maybe the season) did have 1,000+ yards and 12 offensive touchdowns, but even with all those wide open receivers, it was a defensive play that won the game. (Pay no attention to the hand on the facemask!) Just because Arizona and Green Bay only played eight seconds of total pass defense that doesn't mean everyone else in the league forgot how. Or that those eight seconds can't make all the difference.

So, I guess offense still sells the tickets and the other guys still win the game. Did anyone let New Orleans and Indy know that?

* * * * *

Here are some other winners who did not win quite as big:

Joshua Clottey: Oh, to be a well-paid pawn in a pointless showdown between greedy egomaniacs. I hope he gets enough to buy that Blu-Ray player he's had his eye on.

Ann Althouse: Buzz Bissinger must have ordered the No. 5 with a side of rice 'cause he just got served. [via Bakes]

Minority coaching candidates: Don't you feel totally respected and empowered by Seattle's vigorous search for a guy they can pretend to think about hiring for five minutes?

Speaking of the Weekend Loser: Why would Pete Carroll gives up the highest-paying private school job in the nation just so he can prove that no one can win a championship in Seattle. Even the fake grad student rumors are more glamorous in L.A. Who wants to be accused of having love in nest in Tacoma?

Also there's this.

Cowboy Nation is up in arms after Dave Spadaro, a writer for PhiladelphiaEagles.com who had field access before last week's game, concluded his regular pregame YouTube report by expectorating on the famous blue star. That star is the symbol of America's Team, so Spadaro might as well have pulled a Rick Majerus on the Star Spangled Banner (and then handed it to a team manager for Al Qaeda!) The local news is apoplectic, reporting on this devastating desecration in a tone usually reserved for stories about tornadoes and kidnappers. Channel 11 dubbed it the "spit heard round the world," and it is. Provided your world does not extend past Plano.

According to reporter Carol Cavazos, even Eagles fans—who everyone knows are the most vile bastards on the planet—thinks the loogie is going too far. (Even though she didn't quote a single one who thought so.) Spardaro did post a court-ordered apology, as if that would ever be enough to undo this "indecent" affront to God and man.

I suppose I could give the news team the benefit of the doubt and assume this is tongue-in-cheek satire of a friendly sports rivalry, but we are talking about football in Texas. This incident will surely provide plenty of extra motivation for everyone involved in this weekend's crucial playoff game, although at press time, no player from either the Cowboys or the Eagles could possibly give a shit.

Video Shows Eagles Worker Spitting On Cowboys Star [CBS11]
An Open Letter Of Apology To The Cowboys [Philadelphia Eagles]
Spit Happens: An Eagle Desecrates Cowboys Stadium [Sportatorium]

Three of the four first-round playoff games next weekend will be re-matches of games from Week 17, somehow making the final week of the regular season even more useless than you imagined. (They aren't even rematches of good games, since some of them weren't really trying.) Sure, I guess it was exciting to see half the AFC desperately jockeying for position on the season's final day ... until the Bengals rolled over later that night, making all previous efforts null and void. After all, what did Cincinnati care? They already had a guaranteed home game six days later, so why not get a free look at their future opponent and not actually break a sweat?

So what's the solution to tanked games, superstars taking a seat, and playoff chances riding on the hope that a team halfway across the country will actually give a crap about you and play hard? The NFL needs to implement flexible scheduling. No, not moving game times to suit TV networks. Change the opponents for Week 17 to generate more appropriate (and possibly hilarious) matchups.

Why not let Houston take a shot at the Jets, while Cincinnati and New England play chicken with the 3 and 4 seeds. Since Green Bay or Arizona could have actually benefited from it, why not let one of them try to take Minnesota down a peg, instead of the Giants, who were preoccupied with calls to the Carnival Cruise reservation line. It even works at the bottom of the standings, where Detroit and St. Louis could have had a puke-off for the No. 1 pick. (With David Stern as special guest referee.) Plus, any teams looking to protect their starters can simply forfeit the last game and throw their ticket holders a pizza party instead.

Confusing? Sure. But so is studying the sweat patterns on Donovan McNabb's jersey. How cute! A little smiley face!

It will be instant replay in first round of NFL playoffs [LA Times]
No favorite in this season's NFL playoffs [Dallas Morning News]
Wes Welker's injury, 2009 NFL Playoff favorites, more Week 17 [Peter King]

* * * * *

Here's are some other winners who did not win quite as big:

John Calipari: You know that scene at the end of The Godfather (spoiler!) when Kay looks back and realizes that Michael was now the true wielder of power and had become the very thing he swore to renounce? The Kentucky-Louisville game was a lot like that, only swarthier. [ESPN, Courier-Journal]

The Ephesians: Sure, the Corinthians get tons of buzz, but a endorsement from Tim Tebow carries a lot more weight than your cousin reading a few passages at a family wedding. [Huffington Post]

Chandler Parsons: He may be a slightly less celebrated Florida Gator, but he will never let his future grandkids hear the end of this. [The Dagger]

And the Weekend Loser?: You, because you spent three whole days dreading going back to work instead of enjoying your last few hours of freedom and now here you are, back at work, and where does the time go? Sucks, doesn't it?

Writer Stephen Kaus posted his anti-Buck screed to Huffington Post, which subsequently went to SI, which depending on how you feel about either one of those sites, may or may not help its cause. Kaus' main point is that Joe Buck doesn't act like he's having fun anymore, and this was glaringly obvious to him after he and Troy Aikman soberly called the Eagles/Giants last Sunday. He even goes as far to suggest Kenny Albert should be the man who calls the showcase games from now on. Yikes.

Oh and then, of course, there are the inevitable comparisons to his late father:

Where, exactly, was Joe Buck while his father Jack was urging St Louis Cardinal fans to "go crazy folks" when the Redbirds won a playoff game* or telling a national radio audience that "I don't believe what I just saw" after Kurt Gibson's 1988 world Series blast off of the Eck?**

It's an interesting thought given that Buck, when not broadcasting, seems like a likable guy who's, for whatever reason, been severely neutered by the constraints of being Fox's go-to voice for national sporting events. Ever since his infamous over-the-top reaction to the Randy Moss "mooning" incident, we've seen a man who's been struggling with how he's supposed to broadcast games: should he strictly call it and let the on-field action be his one jumping-off point or loosen up a bit and remember that sports aren't supposed to be treated with the reverence of a presidential funeral? Or maybe he's just bored with the whole thing. Remember it was just this past summer where he openly admitted to Colin Cowherd that calling baseball games isn't that fun anymore and he actually doesn't watch any sports off-hours. But when it gets to the point where you have sports fans clamoring for more Kenny Albert during the most exciting time of the NFL season, maybe it is time to just step out of the booth forever to drink tall boys in the back of a cab with Paul Rudd and actively pursue those late night talk show dreams. Even at Buck's worst, he'd still be better than Jimmy Fallon.

Kenny Albert Should Replace Joe Buck As Fox's No. 1 Act Before We're All In A Coma [HuffPo]

In a hastily-called press conference today, Ravenstahl announced, straight-faced, that he's changing his name to Steelerstahl. He even went down to the Allegheny County Department of Court Records to fill out the paperwork, although there's some question as to whether he completed the forms. At any rate, the Troy Hill neighborhood native says he's done his part to support the Steelers in their upcoming AFC Championship game tussle with the hated Baltimore Ravens.

Mr. Ravenstahl said the idea for the name change was not his own. Callers to the Star 100.7 morning show "called in and thought it would be a good idea to change from Ravenstahl, given we are playing the hated Baltimore Ravens this weekend, to Steelerstahl," he said. "As soon as I heard it, I thought it was a great idea."

He said he and his wife, Erin, and 2-month-old son, Cooper, "didn't really talk about it, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind doing it, either."

Video here.

I called the Mayor's office and was referred to his press secretary. "She'll try to get back to you, but there's been a lot of reaction to this; it's been really busy around here," said David White, the Director of Public Affairs. That's something that Mr. Ravenstahl is used to, as it turns out.

Luke Ravenstahl fun facts:

• Played football in high school, tried to walk on at Pitt but didn't make the team.

• Transferred to Washington & Jefferson College, becoming the starting place kicker for three years and team captain as a senior. Still holds the school record for most consecutive extra points.

• Stahl is German for steel.

• On Halloween in 2005 at Heinz Field, got into an altercation with a Pittsburgh police officer and was led away in handcuffs, but released shortly thereafter. Because of the quick release, the incident is now known in Pittsburgh as "Heinz-gate."

• Other notable Washington & Jefferson graduate: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

• All kinds of other controversies.

Ravenstahl grew up around football — he played for his father at Pittsburgh's North Catholic High — and often laments that he can't attend Steelers games in person because of all the media attention he draws. Can't see how he's going to pass up Sunday's game, however.

Under Spotlight Young Mayor Says He's Learning [The New York Times]
Mayor Wants To Drop 'Ravens' From His Name [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
Mayor Changes His Name To Steelerstahl [KDKA-2]

Home teams are now 3-5 in the NFL playoffs, both No. 1 seeds have been eliminated and a 6 and a 5 will play in conference title games. Oh, and I say this one more time because it bears repeating—the Arizona Cardinals will host the NFC Championship Game. Yes, the world has gone topsy-turvy.

The Pittsburgh Steelers were the only high seed to escape their destiny and move on. Two Pennsylvania teams survive. Ben Roethlisberger and Santonio Homes are upright and alert. Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid are playing for the Super Bowl ... again. And LaDainian Tomlinson will continue to ride his stationary bike into infinity. Such is the fickle and wicked mistress that is the NFL Playoffs.

I don't know about you, but I'm spent. Enjoy the afterglow, Eagles and Steelers fans. Drink the pain away, Chargers and Giants fans. Bury your anger deep down inside, Bissinger fans, and never speak of it again.

What a weekend.

Yes, it's the rematch of the greatest gambling moment of the season, when a completely pointless and boneheaded video replay review created a $64 million dollar exchange of money. That's why they call it gambling, folks!

Of course, nothing like that could ever happen in the playoffs! Sports is a bastion of integrity and forthrightness and this game will surely demonstrate heretofore unseen levels of sportsmanship and fair play. And stationary bike riding.

P.S. I hope you like stories about Pennsylvania!

Cautiously optimistic, might be one way to describe it, but that's really only one step removed from "borderline suicidal." Eight points in the first half will do that to you. I was kind of hoping the score would remain 8-7 (or 9-7) indefinitely, because that final alone would be infinitely hilarious. On the plus side, does anything beat simultaneously eating bagels and drinking beer while you watch playoff football? Something probably does, but this is still pretty good.

But as you wait for the second half to start think about this—someone took the time to draw this picture—presumably by a very shaky hand—and felt compelled to share it with world.

This is what Eagles-Giants is all about: crude sketches of birds eating sandwiches. Feeling kinda Sunday, indeed.

[cookies via]

Just imagine what's going through the minds of these teams, knowing that a win today gets them a playoff game against the Arizona Cardinals for the right to play in the Super Bowl. How do you concentrate with that knowledge in the back of your head? No wonder these athletes get paid so much.

Anyway, enjoy the kickoff and stay tuned for more bloggy goodness as the fates and wireless signals allow.

In fact, home teams are 2-4 in this year's playoffs. On the other hand, weather has not yet been the factor it will be today. And home field or no home field ... six turnovers for Jake Delhomme? That's more than five! Even worse, this totally obvious YouTube video was not made with yakkity sax. It's so unprofessional. It's almost like none of these people have ever worked on TV before.)

And yes, it was delay of game on Joe Flacco, but it was 3rd-and-2 and the play went for 23 yards. It's kinda hard to claim that a flag would have won Tennessee the game at that point. Plus ... Joe Freakin' Flacco! A rookie, 2-0, on the road. Deal with it!

Apologetic Delhomme looked like raw rookie [Arizona Republic]
On football: One-and-done will linger after Titans ' choke [USA Today]
Playoff hopes blown when whistle wasn't [Tennessean]

* * * * *

I'm heading out shortly for what I'm told is a wi-fi enabled bar, that I'm told will be overrun by hyper, possibly inebriated Giants fans. (I won't tell you where it is, because I'm afraid of you people.) I have no horse in this race, but I will venture into the belly of the playoff beast and attempt to bring you tales of local fan excitement. I'm like that Survivorman guy, as long as I don't have to brew my own beer out of tree bark.

• Limited Seating Remaining On The Eagles Bandwagon. All the attention comes at a cost though. Rather suddenly, we're all idiots and Reid is a genius. According to Rich Hofmann, the offense never needed any balance after all (I'm not even going to touch that), and if you listen to Bill Conlin, crow is what's for dinner in Philadelphia. Then there are the national pundits who remind us at every turn that you booed Donovan on draft day. You're a jerk. [The 700 Level]

• Eww, Kitty Has Claws. Now I’m not going to take anything away from the Cardinals. They’re a team with an exceptional offense. It’s just one-dimensional. They don’t have a running game. They’re a playoff team and they have the worst rushing offense in the NFL. [Cat Scratch Reader]

• My Sock Is Wet With Another Man's Piss. Got to give kudos to HBO's The Life And Times of Tim for this episode, produced months before we knew that the Eagles and Giants would be meeting in the playoffs; and at the Meadowlands, no less. Nice to see a departure from the usual, cliched Eagles-fans-as-louts theme. Poor Tim. (language NSFW).

• Wither Westbrook? Brian Westbrook uses "sprained ankle" as an excuse to sit out Wednesday's practice. But he's expected to play. [NBCSports]

• They Do Chicken Right. Kentucky Fried Chicken and the Arizona Cardinals team up for their "Wing It" promotion. If an Arizona quarterback tcompetes a Hail Mary pass on the final play of the game, KFC will donate $125,000 to charity. This is in no way a stupid idea. [Raising Zona]

• Temco-izing The '09 Playoffs: Divisional Round. Yes, I realize Plaxico Burress is playing here... But it's such a thrilling game that it doesn't matter! [Armchair GM]

• So No Reason To Watch The Game Then, I Guess. Daily News columnist guarantees Giants victory. Surely its not hyperbole! [New York Daily News]

• Warner Under Appreciated, Giants In Peril. With all due respect to Peyton Manning, the NFL’s MVP for the 2008 season was the Arizona Cardinals’ quarterback Kurt Warner. [New York Observer]

That made today's viewing of the Eagles/Vikings much more subdued and, honestly, much more satisfying. Today's NFC Wildcard game proved to be loaded with defense, Purple Jesus, questionable play-calling, and a timely appearance by Brian Westbrook. It wasn't pretty, easy, or confidence-building, but it did result in victory, glorious victory. So pay up, Drew.

So the Best Football Weekend lineups are set: For the divisional playoffs, we'll get the Buzzsaw of Arizona travel to Carolina for a Saturday night date with the Deange-a-Panthers. The Eagles head to the Meadowlands on Sunday for the early game. Ed Reed and the Furious Flacco head down to Music City for the Saturday nap time special game. Norv Turner's Nine Coaching Lives move on to face the Steely McBeams at Rusted Root Stadium in the Sunday late afternoon game. Should be fun.

Oh, and regardless of today's outcome, I still think Kendra Wilkinson's presence will negatively affect the team before the playoffs are over.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin and it's new Recession Weekend schedule.

See you tomorrow.

Photo: Philly.com

There's really nothing riding on the results of Eagles-Vikings game from the Metrodome this afternoon, so just sit back and enjoy the sonorous musings of Mr. Joe Buck. Pants dropping will, as always, be optional.