Times Of Day To Have Some Damn Peace And Quiet Around Here, Ranked

When you are a Sad Dad, one of the things you spend the most time pining for—after, like, an actual grown-up date with your spouse, a window of more than five minutes in which to take a shower, and relief from the constant background awareness of your own bottomless inadequacy—is some damn peace and quiet. "Can we… » 11/17/14 3:59pm 11/17/14 3:59pm

A Comprehensive List of Foods That Look Like Dicks, Ranked

You know it, I know it and even your great-aunt Marlene who wears too much powder knows it: Some foods look like dicks. Delicious edible penises. Culinary cock. So let's just all be grown-ups about it and rank them. Because that's what grown-ups do when they're not busy crying themselves to sleep. » 9/12/14 3:33pm 9/12/14 3:33pm

Actually, Here Is A Good Ranking Of The Fruits

Many internet web sites like to rank the fruits. You can see right away that these rankings are wrong and bad, both because their results are stupid, and for the reason those results are stupid, which is that they were assembled using a lousy-ass amateurish methodology. Amateur bush-league-ass fruit-rankers are… » 8/14/14 2:15pm 8/14/14 2:15pm

Taste Test: Milk And Honey Original Café Mix, The Alleged Best Cereal

Back in February, our Tim Marchman posted a list that purported to rank breakfast cereals in order of deliciousness. His selection of something called "Milk and Honey Original Café Mix" for the top spot—on what's a pretty comprehensive list of the breakfast cereals you can find in your typical supermarket, mind… » 7/31/14 5:02pm 7/31/14 5:02pm

Jezebel's Hot 100: The Men We Love, Ranked

This week, Maxim magazine revealed its annual list of the hottest 100 women Maxim editorial assistants could find this year and arbitrarily ranked them based on a top secret sexability formula made with 11 herbs and spices. Here at Jezebel, we're above that superficial bullshit* and have fashioned a similarly… » 5/20/14 5:14pm 5/20/14 5:14pm