NBA Shit List: The Philadelphia 76ers, Who Are Capitalism's Diarrhea

Something confounding is happening in Philadelphia. The meanest, vilest, prosthetic-leg-stealingest fanbase in American sports has gone soft for its garbage basketball team, apparently because management promised them a present if they'll all just behave and eat their garbage basketball each night for the next few… » 12/18/14 4:27pm Thursday 4:27pm

Fuck The British Royal Family

His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Knight of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Personal Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty The Queen, looks like a goddamn donkey.… » 12/09/14 11:10am 12/09/14 11:10am

This Family Is The Worst Thing On Facebook

Perhaps you have had occasion to view a YouTube song video created by a group of healthy-looking white people named "The Holderness Family." Perhaps it was the one in which they perform a version of Snoop Dogg's classic "Gin and Juice" song, fitted to Halloween, titled "Kin and Moose." » 11/18/14 12:30pm 11/18/14 12:30pm

My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves

One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or whatever that will… » 10/23/14 1:35pm 10/23/14 1:35pm

Crowd-Funded Brewery Campaigns Are Bullshit

Crowd-funding is a great hustle. Remember a couple weeks ago when some dude threatened not to make potato salad unless we bought him a solid-gold pony with diamonds for eyes, and we actually went for it? Of course, many professional bloviators saw this as the exact moment when society’s collective handbasket landed… » 7/23/14 10:52am 7/23/14 10:52am

Dan Le Batard Savages The Pacers And All Of Indiana In His Latest Rant

We've long been fans of Dan Le Batard's rants, which he chooses to unleash whenever the Miami Heat have finished conquering a rival team or city. This year, Le Batard set his sights on the Pacers and the entire state of Indiana, spending nearly 10 minutes gloating over the Heat winning the Eastern Conference title… » 6/02/14 5:26pm 6/02/14 5:26pm

Michael Sam Is Doing A Reality Show, And That Sucks

So Michael Sam has a reality show now, and I'm just gonna go ahead and align myself with the HOT TAKES crowd and say that Sam just pissed away a whole lot of the goodwill he'd built up for himself these past few months. They can class up the announcement all they like. They can call it a "documentary" series even… » 5/15/14 2:56pm 5/15/14 2:56pm

Down With Runway Food

I was watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown recently, and he was in Vegas at a fancy José Andrés restaurant-within-a-restaurant that had roughly two and a half seats and likely charged hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for a single meal. Bourdain was presented with an "egg" that was not an egg, but… » 5/02/14 10:20am 5/02/14 10:20am

Let's Relive Mary Carillo's Great American Badminton Rant

If you've watched any of NBC's Olympic coverage, you've probably found yourself enjoying the work of Mary Carillo, whose woman-on-the-scene reports are one of the more enjoyable parts of the network's coverage of the games. But Carillo's never been better than she was at the 2004 summer games, when she unleashed one… » 2/11/14 9:59am 2/11/14 9:59am