Fuck You, Bill Belichick

I was close, Bill Belichick. I was thissss close to spending an entire NFL season free of Tebowmania, or Tebow Time, or whatever fucking brand stamp ESPN decides to put on all its coverage of the Jesusback. I was really looking forward to it, too. I was gonna watch every game safe in the knowledge that Tim Tebow and… » 6/11/13 10:03am 6/11/13 10:03am

Michael Wilbon Is A Gutless, Starfucking Crybaby Troll

For the past three decades, Mike Wilbon has earned a living barely disguising his contempt for you, the filthy peasant sports fan. Whether boasting to the world how unsurprised he was about Sean Taylor being murdered, or chastising you for looking to him for gossip from his White House partygoing, or pissing and… » 10/05/12 10:55am 10/05/12 10:55am

Someone Should Just Blow Up The Orlando Magic At This Point

In the ongoing Dwight Howard-Stan Van Gundy bitchfest, there is only one true solution: just get rid of everyone. Trade Howard. Fire Van Gundy and general manager Otis Smith. Then sell the team. Until then Orlando will have a superstar who does not want to be there being coached by a coach who does not want to be… » 4/08/12 3:00pm 4/08/12 3:00pm

Christmas Hype Will Drive Your Children To Insanity

Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of the few bright spots… » 12/21/11 10:00am 12/21/11 10:00am

LeBron James Is STILL A Cocksucker

If you missed last night's schaudenfreudegasm with LeBron and the Heat getting lane-raped by J.J. Barea for 48 minutes, oh how you missed out. There hasn't been a more gratifying moment for sports haters since the Saints beat Favre and Manning back-to-back in the NFC title game and Super Bowl. It was glorious,… » 6/13/11 1:40pm 6/13/11 1:40pm

Gregg Easterbrook Puts The Final, Retarded Exclamation Point On Obama's …

You only need to see the headline and the byline to know what you're in for with yesterday's breathtakingly pointless Easterbrook essay about President Obama filling out a March Madness bracket. Yes, some people are still actually debating this. BLACKIEHUSSEINBRACKETGATE! Let's dive in, shall we? » 3/30/11 11:30am 3/30/11 11:30am

The Real Villains Of The NFL Lockout: A Gentle Reminder

The current collective bargaining agreement between the NFL and its players union ends at 11:59 p.m. this evening. And whether or not there's an official lockout, or the union decertifies, or whatever other bargaining tactic is deployed, the business of football effectively ends tonight regardless. » 3/03/11 12:30pm 3/03/11 12:30pm

Verizon Wireless Store Employees Are The Devil’s Afterbirth

Yesterday I had to go to a Verizon Wireless store to get the numbers from my old phone transferred over to a phone I had just purchased. (Not an iPhone. Fuck you for owning one, Mr. I Can Afford A Data Plan.) And after 15 minutes in that fucking store, I can now say, without hyperbole, that Verizon Wireless store… » 2/24/11 3:00pm 2/24/11 3:00pm