I talk with Le Batard about where he ranks in terms of annoying substitute PTI hosts. I argue that Michelle Tafoya was the worst, but he then trumps me with the time Dan Shaughnessy did the show with him. Oh, that's not an attractive pair. Here's how I rank the subs thru history, from acceptable to awful:

1. Whitlock
2. David Aldridge
3. Le Batard
4. JA Adande
5. Norman Chad
6. Bob Ryan
7. Rick Reilly
8. Jackie MacMullan
9. Max Kellerman
10. Stephen A. Smith
11. Jay Mariotti
12. Michele Tafoya
13. Dan Shaughnessy
14. Skip Bayless

Whatever your opinion of Simmons and his broadcasting capabilities, I don't think he'll have much trouble rocketing into the top five of that list.

I also bitch to Le Batard about his Ray Lewis testimonial in ESPN Magazine from a while back - an article that, to me, epitomized ESPN's (and ESPN Magazine's) tendency to cover athletes favorably in exchange for access. Le Batard argues, "It wasn't for me to say one way or the other whether or not I believed him," and that he was only there to present Lewis' side of the story because the other side had already been so well covered. I don't really buy that. But whatever.

More from Le Batard:

On pure journalistic integrity: "It's a utopian thing to aspire to, but it's not terribly human… I don't know where some of these lines are."

On Berman inducting Ralph Wilson into the Hall of Fame: "I don't think Chris Berman has the same ethical responsibilities that a newspaper reporter or a newspaper columnist has." (I strongly disagree with this.)

On Kornheiser in the MNF booth: "I think the idea of having a comedian up there works… but (he and Dennis Miller) both started meeting Bob Kraft, and it just changes things… Like, did you see Kimmel when he was in the booth? It was great because he didn't give a FUCK!"

On broadcasters: "I think all of it is pretty silly and masturbatory, the idea that we put broadcasters on games in general… I don't think there's one broadcaster you could put in the booth who would bring one more viewer in."

On going on PTI: "There are probably 800,000 people that shut the TV off the moment they see the utilityman is in there."

On Barkley: "Tell me if you can come up with anyone else in sports who is that opinionated and that beloved." (Barbaro? Barbaro hated Jews, you know.)

On Shaq: "(He) stabbed Stan Van Gundy in the back… He wanted Stan Van Gundy to stop making him work harder."

Was it a douche move for Michael Phelps to hang up on him? "Uh… yeah?"

He also talks about getting smacked down by Jay Bilas, and he answers delightfully obnoxious questions from you, the readers. And does he talk race? Of course he does. He's Le Batard. All in all, Le Batard is quite the good-natured fellow and makes for an excellent guest.

This week's Deadcast is available for your listening pleasure right here. You can also find the new Deadcast in the iTunes Music Store here.

Next week's Deadcast guest is Buzz Bissinger. Got a question/comment you need read for Buzz over the air? Send it to me here. Special thanks to Liberated Syndication for hosting us. Now sit back, relax, and listen as we argue about the slimming qualities of the goatee.

Just to be clear on this, if some guy stabbed us, in a bowling alley or elsewhere, we would never stop crying. We're a bleeder. We would wail and scream and whine and plead and any other verb that connotes sniveling wimpdom.

Of course, we're not a 6-foot-2, 245-pound linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens, either. Roderick Green, who was stabbed outside a bowling alley last Sunday, eluded his assailant, and now the video of that eluding has been released by the Baltimore police department. Nothing wrong with showing off your 4.58 speed when some dude's coming at you with a knife, obviously, but still: The guy who stabbed was, according to reports, "thin, around 5-foot-10."

We just imagine Ray Lewis giving him a little gruff about this. Before he kills him, that is.

Next Year's NFL Combine: 40 Yard Stab And Dash [SportsOasis]

• Dennis Rodman hangs out in the same strip clubs as John Elway. Also, Dennis carries garbage bags full of cash into strip clubs with him. At least, so says the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

• No blog has covered the AT&T Pebble Peach Pro-Am as thoroughly as The Sports Frog. Get your Clambake coverage here.

• Ron Artest, probably not helping his chances of being selected to the '08 Olympic basketball team, calls team boss Jerry Colangelo "Collangelina." He also believes he's a little bit too hood for the Olympics.

• There's no better way to get to know some Winter Olympians than listening to their interviews on Sports Bloggers Live. Snowboarders Shaun White and Hannah Teter are impossible to dislike.

• Ray Lewis may want out of Baltimore. The mayor of Baltimore, sensing an opportunity to lower the city's crime rate, endorses the move.