Fernando Torres Scores First Goal Back With Atlético Against Real Madrid

Hey, maybe this whole homecoming thing is going to work out, afterall! This is the exact kind of goal Torres has made his once-proud name so infamous, one where he had ample time to size up a fairly easy shot, and instead of scuffing it into an ad board, he spanked it home. » 1/15/15 2:25pm 1/15/15 2:25pm

How Real Are These Rumors About Gareth Bale To Manchester United?

The January transfer window is almost here, which means the rumor mill is just starting to rev up into the senseless, self-serving, outlandish, and dangerously addicting clusterfuck we've come to expect. And while some of the rumors can already be written off fairly easily—Barcelona to sell Busquets? lol—this whole… » 12/24/14 9:16am 12/24/14 9:16am

Viggo Mortensen Calls Cristiano Ronaldo A Pretty Boy Choke Artist

Viggo Mortensen—the NYC-born, Buenos Aires-raised Danish-American actor most famous for playing Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings movies—is a humongous fan of Argentine club San Lorenzo. His team has reached the final of the FIFA Club World Cup, where they face Real Madrid. As well as acting, Mortensen's good at banter. » 12/20/14 2:49pm 12/20/14 2:49pm

Spanish Soccer Official Bails On Meeting To Go To Real Madrid Game

One of the most pressing concerns in Spanish soccer today is how to deal with fan violence. Apparently, a more pressing concern is whether Real Madrid will win the Club World Cup that takes place this week, since the president of Spanish Soccer blew off a meeting addressing the violence to watch Los Blancos. » 12/16/14 5:48pm 12/16/14 5:48pm

17 Real Madrid Fans Banned From Stadium For Chants Of "Messi's A Retard"

You can understand, in light of the recent violence in Spanish soccer, why La Liga officials are a little sensitive to negative fan behavior, but this might be a bit much. Marca has reported that the league has banned 17 Real Madrid for chants aimed at Lionel Messi—"Messi's a retard"—and Catalonia—"Fucking Catalonia." » 12/08/14 11:37am 12/08/14 11:37am

Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Seriously Mad At Losing Meaningless Competition

Judging by Cristiano Ronaldo's legitimately pissed off response to his team losing what was supposed to be a friendly little contest at a sponsored event, we can add his name to the ranks of Michael Jordan, and other athletes who hate losing even something as small as a coin flip with a fervency unrecognizable to… » 12/02/14 3:48pm 12/02/14 3:48pm

This Cristiano Ronaldo Ballon D'Or Campaign Is Getting Really Gross

UEFA president Michel Platini made a pretty reasonable comment in Madrid earlier this week, saying in his opinion the Ballon d'Or should go to a German player after the country's success in the World Cup. The statement set off the Real Madrid spin machine though, and the team took matters into their own hands. » 11/28/14 11:16am 11/28/14 11:16am

Zinedine Zidane No Longer Has To Pretend Not To Coach Team He Coaches

A couple months ago, we told you about how Zinedine Zidane, manager of Real Madrid Castilla, was under investigation for not having the proper coaching qualifications. The Frenchman had two ways to fight the impending punishment: either cadge up the qualifications or deny that he was actually the manager. Lo and… » 11/21/14 1:30pm 11/21/14 1:30pm

Xabi Alonso Forced To Apologize To Ronaldo For Stupid, Fake Controversy

Remember that dumb story Real Madrid pitched to their stooges at Marca yesterday, where some milquetoast statements of Xabi Alonso's were folded, kneaded, and ultimately transformed into direct insults to former teammates Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas? Well, it worked. » 11/21/14 11:45am 11/21/14 11:45am

Meet Marca, The Hilarious Propaganda Arm Of Real Madrid

It's maybe a little difficult for Americans to grasp just how deeply and blatantly in the tank the European press can be for the local XI. And no one is deeper and more blatantly in the tank for the local XI than the media in Spain, where the local XI means either Barcelona and Real Madrid and where the address of the… » 11/20/14 1:59pm 11/20/14 1:59pm

The Brits Are Tearing Shit Up In Madrid

It's comforting to know Americans aren't the only ones known for loud and obnoxious behavior when abroad. Our cousins over in England are similarly famous for heading over to mainland Europe and bringing the ruckus. Hence these British fans in Madrid ahead of today's Liverpool-Real Madrid match, and their beer-fueled,… » 11/04/14 2:06pm 11/04/14 2:06pm

Fanboy Government Agents Illegally Spied On Costa Rican World Cup Hero

Keylor Navas was the best player on a Costa Rica team that exceeded all expectations in this summer's World Cup. Because of the goalkeeper's heroics, neutrals fell in love with him, Real Madrid fell in love with him, and Costa Ricans especially fell in love with him—a little too much, it turns out. » 10/30/14 3:39pm 10/30/14 3:39pm

The Assassination Of Iker Casillas By The Coward José Mourinho

Real Madrid handily beat Barcelona this weekend, with adulation bestowed upon many of the individual victors for their performance. Isco proved his grit and talent in fighting for a spot on a team lousy with great attacking midfielders and excelling when given the chance. James Rodríguez showed why he was made the… » 10/29/14 2:22pm 10/29/14 2:22pm