Florentino Pérez Is What's Wrong With Real Madrid

After seeing how summarily Barcelona dispensed with Real Madrid, the temptation is to lay the blame at the feet of their first-year manager, Rafa Benítez. That seems to be the way club president Florentino Pérez is leaning. (Benítez has even received the dreaded vote of confidence! The end is nigh!) And while… »Tuesday 10:57am11/24/15 10:57am


Sergi Roberto's Stunning Emergence Proves Barcelona Are Firing On All Cylinders

Of everything that happened in this Clásico—a half-strength Barcelona waltzing into the Bernabéu and not only beating a full-strength Real Madrid team that desperately needed a win, but pummeling them in gloriously humiliating fashion; the notoriously careful Rafa Benítez basically being pressured by his president… »Monday 2:49pm11/23/15 2:49pm

Chinese Commentator Fired For Snoring In Middle Of Champions League Game

The deep and hearty snores you hear are from Chinese commentator Dong Lu during this week’s Real Madrid-PSG Champions League match, and he’s not taking a sly jab at the quality of play. Apparently, Dong really did fall asleep during the game, and his network fired him for it.
»11/06/15 11:29am11/06/15 11:29am

French Media Calls In Body Language Expert To Divine Ronaldo's Secret Intentions

Every couple years, the European media works itself into a bubbly froth about Cristiano Ronaldo’s future. We’re now in the thick of yet another foamy period, and perhaps because his departure might actually be imminent this time, the papers are going to absurd lengths to search for clues.
»11/05/15 2:22pm11/05/15 2:22pm

Fallen Striker Edinson Cavani Spasms His Way Out Of A Goal

Edinson Cavani was once one of Europe’s most fearsome strikers, coveted the world over thanks to his domination of Serie A for Napoli. He had it all: a long, lanky frame to nod in goals with his forehead, a loping stride that sped him around the pitch and onto through balls much quicker than you’d expect from a man of… »11/03/15 4:35pm11/03/15 4:35pm

Report: Martin Scorsese Drops Cristiano Ronaldo From New Movie

Last month, Martin Scorsese reportedly cast Cristiano Ronaldo in his upcoming movie, The Manipulator, which is apparently about mega-rich Italian real estate agent Alessandro Proto. The Italian has claimed that he is, in fact, the inspiration for the titular Christian Grey of “Fifty Shades Of Grey.” Now, according to… »10/17/15 1:06pm10/17/15 1:06pm

Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't The Greatest Player Alive, And That's Insane

Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo won Europe’s Golden Shoe yesterday, which recognizes the top scorer across the continent’s top leagues. It’s the fourth time he’s won the award, and it comes after last season, when he scored 48 goals in 35 La Liga games. No one else in the history of the award has won it four times.… »10/13/15 2:15pm10/13/15 2:15pm

Agent: Gareth Bale And Ronaldo Don't Hate Each Other (They Totally Do)

It’s long been understood that playing with Cristiano Ronaldo is not the easiest of tasks. He is a singular talent that thrives on a team built with the specific objective of facilitating him. As driven an athlete as you’ll ever find, he focuses only on winning—and to him, the path to winning starts and ends with him… »10/12/15 7:57pm10/12/15 7:57pm

The Botched David de Gea Transfer Was A Glorious Clusterfuck

Transfer deadline day is always liable to turn up a couple shockers, either in completed deals from out of nowhere or transfers that appear imminent only to collapse right before the crossing of the final T. Real Madrid’s failed attempted to buy David de Gea from Manchester United is one of the latter, and what a… »9/01/15 12:00pm9/01/15 12:00pm

Why The World's Best Clubs May Be The Worst Place For The Best Young Players

In soccer, perhaps more than in any other major sport, the potential for greatness can be recognized from a very young age. Not every wunderkind goes on to become a superstar but most every superstar bore the expectations of future excellence from as far back as their early teen years. »8/19/15 3:45pm8/19/15 3:45pm

A Brief History Of Gonzalo Higuaín Being A Choke Artist

Just when we thought Lionel Messi would finally end Argentina’s trophy drought and in the process get those dumb doubters from his native homeland off his back for good this weekend, Gonzalo Higuaín went ahead and shat the bed. Since we can’t sing the G.O.A.T.’s praises today, let’s at least take some solace in… »7/06/15 4:41pm7/06/15 4:41pm

Carlo Ancelotti Is Real Madrid's Newest Scapegoat

It’s maybe a little disconcerting that Real Madrid—a players’ club if there ever was one; one where the 8th-biggest name on the team sheet likely holds more sway in the future direction of the club than any of the ever-changing coaches thrown aboard then unceremoniously shoved off the managerial merry-go-round after… »5/26/15 5:40pm5/26/15 5:40pm