March Madness Final Two: Not Being Here To Make Friends Goes Up Against Ordering In

Well, we’re here at a crossroads. This March Madness has been, as predicted, a rough one. “What are we voting for?” cried the confused. “Best? Worst?” Unfortunately for those who want easy answers, this competition was never going to be easy, for it required considering some of the most existential questions of our…

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LA Clippers Dance Squad Is Either Perfectly or Puzzlingly Timed

The past few years have seen an increase in attention paid to the only women who are a visible part of men’s professional sports: cheerleaders and dancers. But this visibility is less for the work that they do as much as for how little they’re compensated for that work; being a cheerleader for an NFL team or a dancer…

Could A Nepalese Reality Show Help Restore Faith In Track And Field?

The real problem in track and field might not be the endemic corruption, but defeatism, the feeling that everybody’s in on it—administrators, coaches, athletes, watchdogs. The feeling that the problem is just too big to solve. There’s a nagging sense that telling the Russian federation it’s not okay to dope, and…

Debbie Does Drywall: Why Home-Renovation Porn Is My Favorite Porn

Have you ever harbored sexual feelings toward a granite countertop, or imagined that a dual-vanity sink was actually former Prince ingénue Vanity? If so, you’re likely already an avid fan of HGTV (Home & Garden Television, although gardens are scarce), a cable channel that makes the rigorous renovation of dumpy houses…

Teen Mom 2 Is Back: Why Are We Still Watching This Shit?

The sixth season of MTV’s Teen Mom 2 is upon us, disrupting our Thursday nights with the usual turmoil: custody battles, problematic exes, run-ins with the law, souring relationships, and so forth. At this point, the four young stars of the series, who we first met in 2010 on the network’s flagship show 16 & Pregnant,

NHRA Cracks Down On The Dumbest Fake Street Racing Show On Television

Several National Hot Rod Asscoation drag racers who appeared on the worst idea for a show ever, Street Outlaws, have been warned that their competition license may be suspended for going on the show. Problem is, several members are still booked to appear on the show and this sudden change in policy enforcement comes…

Search For MILF Island: On Reality TV's Extreme-Matchmaking Revolution

According to IMDB, many people who like VH1's new self-explanatory reality show Dating Naked have also enjoyed a 2000 home video titled Totally Nude Aerobics. Which makes sense: Both titillate via strategic pixilation. What's different this time is the tantalizing prospect of watching real human beings find real love.

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Why I Love So You Think You Can Dance, Dopey (Or Dead) Dads And All

Less than 10 minutes into the first episode of the 11th season of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance, a contestant's dad was onstage dancing to "Blurred Lines." To begin, he set a water bottle on the floor before him, and then, as though initiating an ancient mating ritual, he approached and hovered above that artifact…

Doomsday Prepper Sells Heavy Metal Bed & Breakfast To Fund Marijuana Biz

My neighbor is a reality TV star. Brent Bruns II, who with his family appeared on such intelligent National Geographic Channel programs as Doomsday Preppers and Doomsday Castle, decided to settle down in our neighborhood and open a rock & roll-themed bed and breakfast. Alas, he's now selling it to go into the…

Here Are the Best Dumb Things Ryan Lochte Said on His Reality Show

Ryan Lochte is a douchebag with gills, George W. Bush without the evil and/or a golden lab turned into a human. His fame, his good looks, his 11 Olympic medals, his seeming good nature, his unending capacity for inanity and the singularity he achieves within his babbling all make him a perfect specimen for reality…