Debbie Does Drywall: Why Home-Renovation Porn Is My Favorite Porn

Have you ever harbored sexual feelings toward a granite countertop, or imagined that a dual-vanity sink was actually former Prince ingénue Vanity? If so, you’re likely already an avid fan of HGTV (Home & Garden Television, although gardens are scarce), a cable channel that makes the rigorous renovation of dumpy houses… »9/30/15 4:47pm9/30/15 4:47pm


Teen Mom 2 Is Back: Why Are We Still Watching This Shit?

The sixth season of MTV’s Teen Mom 2 is upon us, disrupting our Thursday nights with the usual turmoil: custody battles, problematic exes, run-ins with the law, souring relationships, and so forth. At this point, the four young stars of the series, who we first met in 2010 on the network’s flagship show 16 & Pregnant, »7/16/15 1:00pm7/16/15 1:00pm

Wimpy White Dudes With Guitars Ruined American Idol

American Idol is finally dead, to the delight of those who’ve always hated it, and the relief of those who used to love it. At the peak of its reign, the show was everything to everyone: the launching pad for the pop careers of Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Taylor Hicks; the linchpin of the Fox prime-time… »5/13/15 12:35pm5/13/15 12:35pm

NHRA Cracks Down On The Dumbest Fake Street Racing Show On Television

Several National Hot Rod Asscoation drag racers who appeared on the worst idea for a show ever, Street Outlaws, have been warned that their competition license may be suspended for going on the show. Problem is, several members are still booked to appear on the show and this sudden change in policy enforcement comes… »2/28/15 1:33pm2/28/15 1:33pm

Floyd Mayweather Claims That His Reality Show Is Completely Fake

Boxer and serial woman-beater Floyd Mayweather appeared before the Nevada State Athletic Commission today to answer questions about a brutal sparring session that Mayweather facilitated on a recent episode of his Showtime reality series. Mayweather defended himself against the commission's questions by claiming that… »9/23/14 12:39pm9/23/14 12:39pm

Search For MILF Island: On Reality TV's Extreme-Matchmaking Revolution

According to IMDB, many people who like VH1's new self-explanatory reality show Dating Naked have also enjoyed a 2000 home video titled Totally Nude Aerobics. Which makes sense: Both titillate via strategic pixilation. What's different this time is the tantalizing prospect of watching real human beings find real love. »8/21/14 11:40am8/21/14 11:40am

Meet the Assholes of Bravo's 'Extreme Guide to Parenting'

There are two kinds of parenting approaches: Yours, and everyone else's. There are reasonable parents who set boundaries and give love (like you), and then there's the crazies: the hippies, Tiger moms and assorted nutjobs who fill us with the warm glow of self-righteousness. Lucky us: The latter now have a reality… »8/08/14 3:29pm8/08/14 3:29pm

Why I Love So You Think You Can Dance, Dopey (Or Dead) Dads And All

Less than 10 minutes into the first episode of the 11th season of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance, a contestant's dad was onstage dancing to "Blurred Lines." To begin, he set a water bottle on the floor before him, and then, as though initiating an ancient mating ritual, he approached and hovered above that artifact… »7/16/14 2:17pm7/16/14 2:17pm

Doomsday Prepper Sells Heavy Metal Bed & Breakfast To Fund Marijuana Biz

My neighbor is a reality TV star. Brent Bruns II, who with his family appeared on such intelligent National Geographic Channel programs as Doomsday Preppers and Doomsday Castle, decided to settle down in our neighborhood and open a rock & roll-themed bed and breakfast. Alas, he's now selling it to go into the… »3/23/14 12:02pm3/23/14 12:02pm

Here Are the Best Dumb Things Ryan Lochte Said on His Reality Show

Ryan Lochte is a douchebag with gills, George W. Bush without the evil and/or a golden lab turned into a human. His fame, his good looks, his 11 Olympic medals, his seeming good nature, his unending capacity for inanity and the singularity he achieves within his babbling all make him a perfect specimen for reality… »4/22/13 10:15am4/22/13 10:15am

The Marlins Should Probably Take Down This Poster Of Their Canceled Reality Show And High-Priced Free Agents

Remember The Franchise? Showtime's answer to Hard Knocks, but with baseball? Last year's second season followed around those NL-favorite Marlins, with top talent like Hanley Ramirez, Jose Reyes, Josh Johnson, Mark Buehrle, all led by fiery manager Ozzie Guillen. Well, the series was cut short mid-run because the… »3/11/13 5:35pm3/11/13 5:35pm

Jeff Kent May Have Torn A Knee Ligament Falling On A Raft In The Opening Minutes Of Survivor

Former MLB second baseman Jeff Kent is no stranger to weird, improbable injuries, having famously claimed he broke his wrist while washing his truck. (Turns out he fell off his motorcycle while he was popping wheelies and the Giants were none too happy.) So of course, it's weirdly fitting that Kent would be no more… »9/19/12 9:00pm9/19/12 9:00pm

Jeff Kent Took His Survivor Cues From "The Fat, Naked, Gay Guy"

You can thank CBS for bringing together two things you probably haven't thought about in nearly a decade: Survivor and Surly Former Second Baseman Jeff Kent™. The show has already filmed, and Kent is back from the Philippines, but since it doesn't premier until next week Kent can't talk about what went down, or how… »9/14/12 2:40pm9/14/12 2:40pm