"Six years later, he is back in new Yankee Stadium, still pitching for the honor of Red Sox Nation," Shaughnessy begins. He means Pedro Martinez, who is fated to spend the rest of his natural days being trailed by a herd of Back Bay poet manqués, even though he has now pitched for five teams in all, four of which were not the Red Sox.

Pedro Martinez gets the ball in Game 6 tonight of the World Series, and he is the only thing standing between the Evil Empire and its 27th world championship.

In his role as Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher, Pedro knows he is carrying the colors for Sox fans around the world - just as he did in 2003 when Grady Little left him on the mound too long in the ancient ballpark across the street.

And the curly-haired boyfriend concludes:

The Yankees were Pedro's daddy when Grady left him on the mound too long in 2003. Tonight Pedro has a chance to make everything right. All these years later, he's still pitching for the Red Sox.

Yes, at last, a second shot at redemption (after that first, successful shot at redemption in 2004). This one's not just for Pedro, either. It's for all of Red Sox Nation, those long-suffering souls who've tragically gone a full month without anyone giving a shit about them.

A night at the theater [Boston Globe, via Can't Stop The Bleeding]

* * * * *

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry won't be here tonight, but remember, you can always entertain yourselves merely by using the handy #duan hashtag. Talk about baseball, threaten to sue, whatever.

Welcome to Deadspin Nation ... I guess. Albany Times Union sports columnist Mark McGuire wrote a column on Anna Kournikova on Wednesday, and kind of out of nowhere, the above graph appears. While it's true that we've carved out a modest space for ourselves in the sports landscape over the past couple of years, I simply had no idea that we had become a nation unto ourselves. What responsibility! I feel like traveling to New Hampshire and making a speech.

After going to dictionary.com and making sure that "oleo" means what I think it does (yep: Margarine), I suppose what Mr. McGuire is getting at is that the lines between talent and celebrity have become hopelessly blurred in sports (like they haven't everywhere else), and that we are the most noticeable example of such reporting. Hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion. But then the graph takes a curious, disturbing turn with the nude Greek athletes, and, well, the whole thing was just very odd.

We had no intention of becoming a nation, just so that's clear. My favorite nation is still Colbert Nation, and Stephen can keep the name. I'm also fond of Burnt Orange Nation, Red Sox Nation, Carrie Nation, and have thus far avoided reading Alien Nation. I've heard of Queer Nation, the nation-state, Athletics Nation, the Cherokee Nation, Kid Nation, and of course the United Nations, where I work valet parking on weekends.

But if there is indeed a Deadspin Nation (I have no real control over such things), I suppose we should have a constitution. A few articles to start it off:

• No dressing up of cats.

• Curveballs are not allowed — it ruins young arms.

• All employees must wash hands — and feet.

• From now on, all underwear will be worn on the outside (hi, Will).

• No spitting.

That's about it; otherwise, go crazy, Deadspin Nation. And if you have an idea for a flag, please send it along.

Tennis' Hot Commodity [The Albany Times Union]
Brog: Our Deadspin Nation Does Stimulus Checks [SportsbyBrooks]

Boston Red Sox' left fielder Manny Ramirez once again showed off his goofball side during yesterday's shellacking of the Minnesota Twins, to the head-shaking delight of ManRam fans everywhere, after he took some time away from concentrating on baseball to eat up some overtime minutes.

According to the Boston Globe's Extra Bases, during the sixth-inning Man Ram climbed into the Green Monster to talk on a cellphone as Javier Lopez came in for Josh Beckett.

Compared to some of his other memorable antics, this is about a "4" on the Manny-being-Manny-ness scale, but you can't really blame him for getting a little bored out there during an 18-5 game. Maybe he was calling Livan Hernandez and offering him a pep talk? Or extending congratulations to his buddy Julian Tavarez on being picked up by Atlanta?

Manny's call from the wall [Extra Bases]

Of course, I don't know that many Red Sox fans; this could simply be how they signal for the beer guy.

We Really Need To Work On This 'Grace In Defeat' Thing [Red Sox Monster]

It is to the credit of Chinese authorities that they do not throw this woman off the wall. Though that might just be because of the language barrier.

Soon, that wall will be full of Rays fans, and we will know that the Chinese takeover of Amerika is about to commence.

Red Sox Nation Reaches China... Painfully [Red Sox Monster]

The scrappy little vikings at Lion In Oil sent this link to a new site devoted to scantily clad women wearing Red Sox gear. Yes, it's Sexysoxgirls.com, of course.

This is fantastic news for New England's most furious masturbators, who now finally have a one-stop outlet to express both their love of the Red Sox and soiling mismatched sweat socks.

Rejoice!

Red Sox Nation Just Got A Little Better Looking [Lion In Oil]

Our favorite part is that the second through fifth finishers were all "regular fans," and none of them were a dog.

We can all move on with our lives now. Thank you, Tim Russert, for alerting us to the true issues. Red Sox Nation makes our brain hurt sometimes.

Remy To Lead Red Sox Nation [MLB.com]
Red Sox Fans Try To Explain The President Of Red Sox Nation Thing [Deadspin]

NBC's Tim Russert, host of "Meet the Press," will make a guest appearance on NESN as he moderates a discussion among the candidates for the President of Red Sox Nation. He will be joined by NESN's Red Sox field reporter Tina Cervasio serving as co-moderator.

The show, "Red Sox Nation: The Presidential Debate," will be videotaped at Boston University 's George Sherman Union this Thursday, September 27 at 11:30 a.m. It will air on NESN at 10:30 p.m. or immediately following NESN's post-game coverage of the Red Sox-Twins game on Friday, September 28.

Seriously: This President Of Red Sox Nation thing has gotten way, way out of hand. Though we are curious what the dog's views on global warming are. We hope he blames it on Jimmy Fallon; we're on board for that.

Welcome To The Circus, Mr. Russert [Red Sox Monster]

So we felt we had to ask them to explain this whole President Of Red Sox Nation thing, in which 25 nominees (none of whom are Bill Simmons) are vying for the position. We have no idea what the position is, or whether they have the power to launch a nuclear strike, but we were fascinated by some of the names, which included disgraced journalist Mike Barnicle, Peter Gammons, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Rich Garces and a dog.

We have no idea what's going on. So we called on some of those Red Sox fan friends.

• Lockhart Steele, Publisher, Curbed. "As painful as was the creation of "Red Sox Nation" as some sort of club that you actually pay money for to procure a card to carry in your wallet, this presidency thing is so much worse. It's gotten to the point where I actually hope for the out-of-town feed of Sox games on Extra Innings so I don't have to hear Remy talk about it any more. That said, I think Mike Barnicle would be an inspired choice."

• Jim Cooke, Art Maestro. "It's embarrassing. Sox fans get enough flak already, I can't believe whoever thought this up never stopped for a second to think maybe this is just another thing to make us look like jackasses."

• Jen Hubley, JennieSmash.com. "Obviously, Big Pupi should win. The Nation's been full of dirty dogs for years. Failing that, I think people should put me down as a write-in candidate. I've been a good representative behind enemy lines for years now, and even wear my Sox hat when it doesn't go with my outfit."

• Eric Gillin, Esquire.com. "When I was a child, the Boston Red Sox didn't have a nation. We had a crusty old white bitch running the team, good seats still available and a raging inferiority complex when compared to the 16-time World Champion Boston Celtics. Now, the white bitch and good seats are gone, and everyone who likes the team is a citizen of the Red Sox Nation. Initially, I'll admit, I thought the Nation was a cute little counterpoint to the Yankees' Evil Empire. But I never thought anyone would be insane enough to take this Nation thing literally by electing a president. What's next? Application for recognition by the United Nations? In any event, I seriously hope the fucking dog wins, because if we end up with an egomaniac like Mike Barnicle, the Nation will probably secede from the Union and trigger a Sunni-Shiite style conflict as Sox fans coast-to-coast start to arm themselves every time the Yankees pull within six games."