Mr. Iracane is the guy who approves and deletes comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed.

So here's this week's column, the next installment of Rejected Commenter Theater, after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

It's the fourth edition of Deadspin commenters' favorite feature, Rejected Commenter Theater! Deadspin readers need to try out to become full-fledged commenters, and I'm the one who approves and rejects them. I'll take the worst audition comments from the past few weeks and put them together in a short column so we can all point and laugh at how horrid some people's senses of humor are. They're not as funny as me! I find that amusing! Here we go:

Last month, Rick posted a YouTube video and wrote about how Charles Barkley was going to stop gambling. First of all, Charles Barkley is full of shit. Secondly, pending commenter BROWNBANDITO felt the urge to pipe in about Sir Charles:

WELL SAID, WHO YOU LIKE TONIGHT? DAM ERNIE NICE SET UP THATS WHAT HOMIES ARE FOR. ANYWAYZ C'MON CHARLES YOU KNOW WE DONT BELIEVE YOU.....YOUR STILL EATING THEM DOUBLE CHEESE BURGERS, TALKEN BOUT IM GONNA LOOSE WEIGHT.MAN JUST BE YOURSELF GAMBLE,PIGOUT,PUNCH PEOPLE IN THEIR FACES.THATS CHARLES THAT MADE YOU CHARLES........THATS THE CHARLES I LOVE. WE DONT NEED NO EXPLAINATION.JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURS AND YOUR FAM ..........AY YAH YAI MI GORDITO TIME FOR ANOTHER CHALUPA

Well damn, looks like BROWNBANDITO was quite the prognosticator. He totally called Charles Barkley out well before his latest indiscretion. I'm sorry I banned you so quickly, you crazy caps-lock-usin' sonofabitch. Let that be a lesson, future commenters. Don't use ALL CAPS when typing out a comment. It makes you sound crazy, like Jose Offerman-level crazy.

A couple weeks ago, contributor Pete Croatto gave us a a smart investigation into Prince Fielder's vegetarianism. Mr. Croatto presented the issues using well-researched facts and shared some interesting ideas on the benefits of vegetarianism. Which, of course, prompted the animal-loving PETA freaks to come out of the closet and attempt to post wacky comments. Commenter PhatP shares his/her ideas as such:

Vegetarians and vegans live much longer healthier lives than do meat eaters according to every major study done. You do not need to eat dead animals to be strong, healthy or happy. I've been vegan for almost 20 years and I can attest to not needing to eat animal flesh or drink animal milk.

Look it up...Meat consumption is the number one cause of global warming, polluter of the worlds water supply, the cause of the worlds grain shortage (and not bio fuels,look it up)
and the cause of over 40 billion land animals a year being slaughtered for trivial reasons.

That's actually one of the least wacky comments posted on the topic, but still, I am offended that PhatP thinks the full rack of sauce-slathered St. Louis ribs I consumed for dinner tonight came from a porker that was 'slaughtered for trivial reasons.' I hope PhatP was not offended that he/she was rejected for entirely consequential reasons.

Another unfortunate topic that brings out the crazies is the upcoming Presidential election. Deadspin columnist Big Daddy Drew contributed a thoughtful piece regarding Barack Obama, Tiger Woods, and the late Tim Russert. Yes, I was surprised that Big Daddy Balls wrote a thoughtful Balls Deep column. No, I was not surprised that the mere mention of 'Barack Obama' brought out some nutty folks. Here's LeonardBunting:

Your right, Obama does represent a historical moment of change..its called socialism. Matthew Noll Indianapolis, IN Matthew.Noll@gmail.com

Well, LeonardBunting né Matthew Noll of Indianapolis, Indiana, if you're going to post a grammatically incorrect and wildly off-the-mark political comment, try not to sign it with your real name and email address. Folks, if you're going to contact Matthew, let's be on our best behaviors and use some discretion. Only serious emails, please. Commenter flygirlinmydreams takes the political message a little bit further and gets a little personal:

Will only younger voters accept a candidate's wife changing her image during the middle of a public campaign? We elders aren't that easy! She can look, act, speak as "darlingly" as possible, but I live by, "a leopard doesn't change her/his spots" because 99.99% of all times, it's been accurate. Convince me otherwise?

Fat chance we'll be able to convince you otherwise, flygirl. This is a humorous sports blog. We make dick jokes. Go back to TownHall.com.

Of course, not every rejected comment is of a political nature. Take WallaceCachifa's sole comment from last week:

Been reading Deadspin for about 4 months...what the hell does DUAN mean?

If you don't already know, you don't want to know. Forget it, Jake. It's ChinaDUAN.

These commenters, however, would never stick their noses somewhere they didn't belong because they earned Comments of the Fortnight:

•Re: Bill Conlin's latest racially-insensitive comments
Arriaga_II: He was referring to Vineland's "World Famous Micks, Spicks & Zips Blueberry Harvest Festival" June 11-16.

•Re: The Nets' wacky free gas promotion
UkraineNotWeak: Most people in Brooklyn get free gas via the siphon hose.

•Re: The endorsements on Stefan Fatsis' new book
Will Leitch: Ha. Sorry. You might have heard, Buzz gets me flustered.

Thanks, Will, for the opportunity to write the combudsman columns and best wishes at New York magazine. I promise I won't ban you.

Mr. Iracane is the guy who approves and deletes comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed.

So here's this week's column, the quarterly performance of Rejected Commenter Theater, after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

Every week, tens upon tens of Deadspin readers try out to become full-fledged commenters. If you are lucky enough to become one of the approved, you earn the ability to think up and post hilarious puns about topics such as the hapless Washington Nationals (when will they finally get some hap!?). If you are unlucky enough to miss the cut, you may still win notoriety by getting your audition posted in Rejected Commenter Theater!

Perhaps you remember the last installment of Rejected Commenter Theater in which our regulars were introduced to the now infamous phrase "O AN HE SEXY." If not, let me explain the concept in three simple steps: (1) I read your comments (2) I pick out the worst ones (3) I publicly shame the person who made them. Let's get ready to shame humanity!

Perhaps you recall the Dana Jacobson fiasco from the Mike and Mike roast way back in January. She was suspended from the ESPNs after making those awful remarks about Jesus and Notre Dame and the fat man who coaches them. We received a ton of pending comments attacking Jacobson for making those sacrilegious 'jokes'. Here, one of the angry Jesus folks named SWEATWOMAN gives us the business:

OH I GET IT>>>YOU CAN"T MAKE NAPPY HAIR COMMENTS AGAINST ANOTHER RACE>>THAT ONE WILL GET YOU FIRED>>BUT>>YOU CAN MAKE HATE COMMENTS AGAINST THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE>>AND YOU WILL JUST GET A WEEKS WORTH OF VACATION>>>I GET IT NOW>>>

Obviously, SWEATWOMAN was dictating her comment to a Western Union man who was to send the message via telegram. Those must be 'stops' between her thoughts. We also received exactly one commenter who was defending Dana and her drunken vodka-fueled tirade. Here's Rhino196669:

Get off thr girl's back! Who among us, has never made a Fool of themself, after drinking an ocean of booze? "He who is without Sin, let him cast the first stone"! Cut the girl a break! I'm sure she feels bad enough. Don't kick someone when they're down because, SOMEDAY, YOU may be the one down!

Heck, I should have approved Rhino196669. He has drowned in an ocean of booze and made a fool of himself, so he's obviously one of us. Sorry, bro!

Deadspin celebrated a very special anniversary in January, as it was exactly one year after that awful horse named Barbaro was finally put down. The worldwide web of internetworked computerators have always been a breeding ground for horse-lovers and Barbaro nuts, and Deadspin has not been immune to these crazies. Here's what skw530 spewed for our entertainment:

Obviously, Deadspin users think they are funny. If you call a group of people who have raised almost a million dollars for Laminitis research and horse rescue scary, what do you think of yourselves. Now, go back to posting negativity or photoshopping pictures to make fun of people who accomplish more than you will ever do in your boring little lives.

User rlhaines follows:

you people make me sick , thought of glue? waste of meat? DISGUS TING> what do you people do all day ? think up ways to upset us true animal lovers.?yes barbaro is gone but he waas a horse. a creature of the earth just li9ke you and me. give me and barbaro a break. if you dont like hiom,KEEP YOUR OPINIIONS TO YOURSELF. thank yo

First of all, yes, we DO think we are funny and except for certain comedy pyramids that topple under the weight of extreme punniness, we ARE funny. Secondly, we make fun of dead people all the time (cough cough Bison Dele cough) so I think a silly dead horse is far less offensive. Now go away.

Finally, after the Giants defeated the Patriots in Super Bowl XL-whatever, we got an overflow of audition comments from Giants haters and Patriots haters alike. Most were of the standard, hack "my team is better than your team" variety. We don't like that kind of attitude here. Deadspin is the place where everyone's team is better than your team, especially when one roots for the Arizona Cardinals. I like to channel my inner Woody Allen and use the more self-deprecating humor; this is easy now that I am an Eagles fan. Anyway, back to the Giants-Pats Super Bowl; pending commenter Deadmanringstwice took a different route and ignored the Pats and Giants:

Hey, my name's Jon Benet Rams. I like Budweiser, the St. Louis Rams (duh!) and jokes about murdered 6 year old girls. I'm a class act.

Odd that I didn't approve this guy. I normally love JonBenet Ramsey jokes.

These commenters, however, are mature enough to avoid child-murder humor and instead made the Comments of the Fortnight:

•Re: The Ernie Banks statue proofreading error
futuremrsrickankiel: In fairness, Will, if you were engraving the statue, you would have forgotten to close one of the tags at the end and the whole freaking statue would have been a hyperlink to Fire Joe Morgan.

•Re: Andy Roddick's super hot girlfriend
Doyle McPoyle: And I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Brooklyn Decker sounds like one of those ridiculous sex moves, like the Cleveland Steamer, the Dutch Oven, the Boston Massacre, or the Kataroo Kangaroo.

•Re: The Pat Summitt congratulatory post
Doug Llewelyn, Court Reporter: Last time I slept with her I got Aqua Net on my cock.