Your Open Relationship Is Horseshit

There was a dude on Reddit today who proposed an open relationship with his girlfriend, only to have the whole thing blow up in his face when his girlfriend managed to score vestigial lovers and he couldn't do likewise. Any normal person will tell you that, unless your name is Gene Simmons, open relationships are… » 5/19/14 5:09pm 5/19/14 5:09pm

Heads Up, Men: You Have No Secrets

A secret is something hidden on purpose — but if the "secret" is a fairly universal behavior practiced by lots of people that the average person would find utterly unsurprising ("Cats like string") then, sorry buddy, but that is not a secret to anyone but you. Which kind of makes it not a secret at all, but like a… » 4/10/14 1:41pm 4/10/14 1:41pm

I Tried BroApp and It Did Not Turn Me Into an Awesome Boyfriend

Every day on my way to work, I spend the entire train ride deleting inane press releases from my email inbox. Diet pills? Delete. A series of seminars on how to convince your boyfriend to propose? Delete. The launch of a new cake flavored vodka made especially for tampon soakage? .... Archive. But the other week, one… » 3/05/14 6:04pm 3/05/14 6:04pm

Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girlfriendzone

Many an internet whine has been wailed over women who, for some ungodly reason, do not reward the men who are nice to them with sex. It's because girls only do sex with Bad Boys, reason the complainants, and they're always putting Nice Guys in the ~*friendzone*~, a terrible space where these hapless, lovestruck Nice… » 1/24/14 2:59pm 1/24/14 2:59pm

What Does It Even Mean to Be a 'Needy' Girl?

Who is 'That Girl' anyway? Is she a sketchy drunk? An insecure mess? An attention whore? One thing is clear, the phrase That Girl is a stigma-laden expression. Whatever you're doing as That Girl, rest assured, you're doing it wrong. But a therapist who listens to women fret about being That Girl thinks maybe That Girl… » 12/04/13 12:35pm 12/04/13 12:35pm

Levels of Intimacy: When to Burp, Fart & Poop in Front of Your Partner

Recently, we learned via study something we all suspected was true on some level: that the "average woman" waits a good four weeks before allowing a man she fancies to gaze upon her bare, makeup-free face for fear of scarring him with the knowledge that human eyes don't come rimmed in kohl at birth. But this is only… » 10/23/13 5:05pm 10/23/13 5:05pm

How a Women's Libido Pill Could Actually Save Monogamy

Despite the fact that all I want in life is a daemon familiar and a wand and a sarcastic dappled mare who really gets me and violet eyes and a tower, in actuality I'm forever harping on the fact that magic isn't real. There are no magic Spanx that will turn you into Cindy Crawford. There is no magic begoggled top hat… » 5/23/13 4:30pm 5/23/13 4:30pm

If Your Boyfriend Tells You Your Vagina Is Repulsive, BREAK UP WITH HIM

Ugh, relationships, amirite!? All full of "other people" and "other people's bodies" and "other people's stuff touching your body." It's a recipe for Problem City: The Food.* For instance, don't you hate it when somebody finds your vagina repulsive, yet keeps putting his penis in it over and over? I certainly do.… » 5/17/13 5:37pm 5/17/13 5:37pm