Rick Ankiel

Emeritus

On Vincent Gallo, Black Gallagher And Rotten.com Videos

This video has been online for about a year now, but I just saw it for the first time today. It's brutal, punishing and so uncalled for that it should come with a Tipper Gore warning. It's from 2001, when my immortal beloved Rick Ankiel was still struggling with his "control" and some minor league fans were letting him have it, and then some. It's like seeing other kids picking on your son; it's impossible to look at. More »

11:45 AM on Wed Jul 9 2008
By Will Leitch
10,875 views, 129 comments

Latest by n/a: Come on will. you walked in here unprepared and arrogant. you were sloppy. and i know why. you got your sights set on your shiny new job and big salary and what we do here is not important anymore./Fracture'd more »

mlb closer

Giants Show Everyone Their Merkin

Tim Lincecum and Merkin Valdez, what an unbeatable duo. Both were instrumental in the Giants' first win of the season on Wednesday, 2-1 over the Dodgers. Witness this AP paragraph, which is my pick for paragraph of the year so far: The Dodgers announced less than 20 minutes before game time that Hong-Chih Kuo would start on the mound in place of Chad Billingsley due to the threat of inclement weather. The Giants followed suit, starting Merkin Valdez and keeping Lincecum waiting in the wings. More »

10:40 AM on Thu Apr 3 2008
By rickchand
5,520 views, 70 comments

Latest by whittlz: so there was this Astros/Padres game last night... more »

rick ankiel

Awaiting A Full Year From Ankiel

Yes, yes, we know: We have a bit of a bit of a blind spot when it comes to Rick Ankiel. But now that the lunacy of the final two months of last season are past us ... is the guy really ready to be an every day outfielder. More »

4:50 PM on Tue Mar 18 2008
By Leitch
2,847 views, 28 comments

scott boras

Rick Ankiel's Depressing Big Buddy

Now that college football is over, and we have less than a month of the NFL left to go, perhaps we take a moment and look toward baseball. How about that heartwarming, inspiring story of, oh, what's his name .... More »

5:31 PM on Tue Jan 8 2008
By Leitch
8,810 views, 35 comments

key pages in the mitchell report

The Rick Ankiel Section

So you don't have to sift through the whole document, we're gonna call out some key pages. More »

4:20 PM on Thu Dec 13 2007
By Leitch
8,773 views, 51 comments

2007 shoty

SHOTY First Round: Sean Salisbury Vs. Rick Ankiel

After almost a week off, the 2007 SHOTY Tournament returns with a matchup of two very different human beings. More »

2:20 PM on Tue Nov 27 2007
By Leitch
15,614 views, 75 comments

Latest by n/a: Bench Ankiel /douchebag more »

our last cardinals post for a while promise

It Won't Be Much Longer Now

Last year, on August 14, 2006, we admitted that if this annoying team actually won the World Series, we'd feel they didn't deserve it. We have changed our viewpoint on that. (Obviously.) But we were off by a year and a month: This Cardinals team stinks. We'd almost rather watch the Buzzsaw. More »

3:00 PM on Tue Sep 11 2007
By Leitch
4,582 views, 45 comments

rick ankiel

Why The Radio Silence From The Cardinals?

It has been about 15 hours since the Rick Ankiel story broke, and so far, the only public comment has been Cardinals general manager Walt Jocketty's clearly confused, wha-wha-WHAT? quote of "This is the first I've heard of this; If it's true, obviously it would be very tragic, along with everything else we've had happen to us this year." (Hey, Walt: Screen your calls, dude!) This silence is not good, for anybody. More »

4:30 PM on Fri Sep 7 2007
By Leitch
5,344 views, 49 comments

rick ankiel

What We Lost, And What We Never Had

The Rick Ankiel thing, for Cardinals fans, has always been about hope. There was hope in 2000, when we thought we had discovered a 19-year-old Steve Carlton. There was hope in 2001 when we believed a young man could conquer his demons. There was hope in 2003 when we anguished as another young star went under the Tommy John knife. And, yes, there was hope in 2004, when we cheered as the prodigal son returned to rousing applause that was the sonic equivalent of a wool blanket on a cold November night. There was always an innocence to the hope; against all rational thought, we believed in Rick Ankiel because if you could believe in him, you could believe in anything. It made Cardinals fans proud of themselves; it was through our support, we believed, that Ankiel could frame his various comebacks. We would be patient; we would wait for him in a way we couldn't see other fanbases doing. It came from the very best part of us. We were so proud of ourselves. Whatever your thoughts on the jaw-dropping New York Daily News story this morning, that innocence is now replaced with ... something else. More »

9:16 AM on Fri Sep 7 2007
By Leitch
26,631 views, 223 comments

Latest by Trackback: Scott Boras, apparently with some time off after not having to sweat ARod’s negotiations with the Yankees, is now loading up for salary arbitration cases. more »

rick ankiel

Roy Hobbs Strikes Again ... And Again

Since the weekend we spent in St. Louis for Rick Ankiel's first games, we've done our best to take it easy on the coverage around here. Not because we didn't want to, but because we were afraid if we kept down that road, before we knew it, every post would be about him. And you might not like that. More »

6:15 PM on Thu Sep 6 2007
By Leitch
7,557 views, 61 comments

Latest by KingEngland: A cheater on the Cardinals? Now that sounds familiar. more »

daily closer

Let's All Get Baked!

Yeah, the Royals are pretty fucking terrible, but try to not let that diminish your appreciation of Scott Baker's masterful performance. A leadoff walk in the ninth inning spoiled the perfect game before a one-out single to pinch-hitter Mike Sweeney (but I thought Jesus loved no-hitters! Now I don't know what to believe...). Baker finished off Kansas City and picked up the one-hit shutout in a 5-0 Twins victory. On an unrelated note, Francisco Liriano's arm fell off. More »

10:15 AM on Sat Sep 1 2007
By Unsilent Majority
2,039 views, 21 comments

Latest by Moonshine Mike: @Christmas Ape: marylanders never huffed paint. we huffed old bay and pcp more »

field trips

Our Rick Ankiel Weekend

It really has been bizarre to watch the reaction to Rick Ankiel's triumphant return to St. Louis as a power-hitting outfielder. We understand that it's an inspiring story — obviously — but it's still odd to see a guy we've been quietly ~~stalking~~ following for seven years now suddenly leading newscasts. As we mentioned on Friday, it's like turning on CNN and seeing a Breaking News Alert: "Mattoon, Illinois to open second Hardee's store." We're touched that everyone suddenly cares ... but Rick's ours, you know?

Not for long, as the guy above shows: By Friday's game, people were writing Ankiel's name on the back of their shirts, and by Sunday, we actually saw our first legitimate "ANKIEL 24" jersey. We are glad the gift is being shared with the world ... but this kind of intense media attention is kind of what started this whole mess in the first place.

That said, we can't help but contribute to the problem. By pure happenstance, our yearly visit to Busch Stadium coincided with Ankiel's first games as a Cardinals outfielder. After the jump, a mostly incomplete and fuzzy report of our trip, specifically Saturday's game, in which Ankiel hit two homers and a middle-aged woman nearly stuck her finger in our anus.

More »

2:20 PM on Mon Aug 13 2007
By Leitch
13,766 views, 114 comments

Latest by badead1: If we replace the chick with the bib with every Cubs team since 1908...then we have something here. Ponder along. more »

daily closer

He's A Rick ... House

When Rick Ankiel made his debut, I was sort of hoping he'd continuously foul tip the ball to the backstop, just like old times when he was a pitcher. But rather than indulge in my fantasy, Ankiel basically shut all of us up Thursday night, then duct taped our mouths shut Saturday night with his first ever multi-home run game in the St. Louis Cardinals' 6-1 win over the Los Angeles Dodgers. Ankiel finished the night 3-for-4 with three runs and three RBI. If he keeps this up, the Cardinals trainers might have to begin lacing Scott Spiezio's pancakes with cocaine ("Aw, shucks, Scott's off the wagon again. Rick, you're staying with us in October.") More »

11:30 AM on Sun Aug 12 2007
By sussman
4,116 views, 19 comments

Latest by josereyes.theroof wishes to perform Tim Harris's sack-dance for you: @wes mantooth: I have a dread that Milwaukee is going to manage to win only 81 games, again -- meaning Yost will be gone (at least we'll have that) -- while the Cubs will take 82 & tie with the more »