I can't tell you what will happen on the court this year—other than that Michigan State will not win the Big Ten title—but it's fairly easy to guess what plotlines will be most attractive to us media vultures as fall turns into winter which turns into March which turns into you wasting a lot of money on bracket pools. Here are just a few stories you'll probably sick to death of by January (if you aren't already.)

The Isiah Experiment

The previously mentioned Thomas leads a terrible squad in a terrible conference, so naturally, you should expect to hear a lot about him. No team this bad will ever get more attention than Isiah's Panthers, who could lose by 50 at Carolina tonight and still consider it a moral victory. Look for him to orchestrate some sort of trade for Marcus Camby in early February.

The One and Dones

This could be year that finally pushes all the people lamenting the NBA age limit rules over the edge. If John Wall and Xavier Henry lead Kentucky and Kansas to the Final Four the way everyone expects them to—and then promptly bolt to the pros the way everyone knows they will—it might have even more people wondering why this charade continues to go on every year when these kids could just go to Europe and be easily forgotten about. I'll take my slow and stiff four-year seniors, thank you.

Yep, That's A One-Handed Basketball Player

This is Kevin Laue, 6-foot-11 center from Pleasanton, Calif., who is now a freshman on scholarship at Manhattan College. Also, he was born without the lower half of his left arm. (Hint to opposing centers: Try to make him put the ball on the floor.) [Photo via NY Daily News]

Marcus Jordan Sticking It To Adidas

Again, with the terrible small colleges in the middle of Florida? Marcus started his college career with a bang—by humiliating his program so that Nike could make .00089% more money next year. Thanks, Dad!

Just-in'love Smith, Guard, Siena Saints

Because why not?

Rick Pitino

Hey, remember when he fucked that woman in a restaurant, (allegedly) got her pregnant, bought her (temporary) silence, (probably?) convinced one of his assistants to marry her and then got all pissy when people pointed out that he shouldn't have done that? That's it. Just reminding you that happened so you can think about it anytime you see him on TV this season. (P.S. 9/11.)

Everything You Need to Know About the 2009-10 Season… [Rush The Court]
2009-10 Preseason 347 Countdown [Rivals]
65 things to watch during the 2009-10 season [FoxSports]

Fred Cowgill of WLKY in Louisville gave Rick Pitino one of the most pillow-soft interviews you'll ever see in you're life today. And why not? Cowgill even reminds Rick during one of his "questions" that he was a graduate assistant at Boston U. when Pitino was head coach. What a small world, huh? Say Rick, since I managed to score this exclusive one-on-one could you tell me how you became such an awesome leader?

What is perhaps even more galling than this local airwave reach-around, is Pitino's comments about his daughter, who must be thrilled to have so much "adversity" in her life. You see, because of Dad's unnamed "adversity" and the unfortunate deaths of two of her uncles, the Pitino kids are going to be strong as oak and ready to take on any challenge life throws at them.

"I told my daughter this the other day. I said, 'Sweetie, what you've been through in your life, with your two uncles and now with this ... what you've been through in your life, you'll be strong enough to handle anything in life and that's you have to look at adversity.'"

That sounds awesome. I'm just not sure if her uncle's murder on September 11 is more or less character-building than knowing her dad banged a woman who is not her mom on the floor of restaurant. Either way ... thanks for the life lessons, Pop!

Pitino: Coaching Has Been Therapeutic [WLKY]

Pitino lashed out at the media for interrupting Ted Kennedy Day to report "lies" about him. Everything is a lie except for the stuff that Rick Pitino said, so why don't you print that in your pinko commie rags?

Don't forget that he's the victim here! Yes, the news reporters have pointed out that Pitino has been charged with nothing, while Karen Sypher will go on trial for extortion. (Hopefully! He needs this trial and her craziness is really inconvenient for him.) But that's not what's important here. The economy is. So is Ted Kennedy. And basketball. And recruiting, which is going just fine by the way. Because Rick Pitino is not a liar like the media is. He apologized to his family six years ago! He's a New Yorker! What more do you want?

He was so mad he even forgot to work in a 9/11 reference. His lawyers told him to keep quiet—probably because they know that angry, hyper-defensive rants generally don't win you sympathy points—but Rick Pitino doesn't care what lawyers think. He cares about Ted Kennedy. When you're in a scandal, you won't find a finer role model to turn to.

Full Press Conference [The Courier-Journal]
Pitino lashes out at media for reporting ‘lies' [The Courier-Journal]
Fox 41 obtains copy of Sypher police interview [Fox41]
Metro Police Release Sypher Tapes [WLKY Louisville]

Calipari, who is on the verge of the rare feat of taking two different schools to the NCAA's Final Three, was gracious toward his longtime rival's attempt to out-scandal him.

He said he plans to instruct UK fans in the same manner as he did UMass fans when Rhode Island's campus experienced a gambling scandal in 1992. He warned the people who followed the Minutemen that if they did anything to embarrass the school, he would leave the floor and refuse to coach the game.

Karen Sypher goes into greater detail about her restaurant rendezvous with Slick Rick, and continues to accuse Pitino of not just paying for her abortion, but threatening her if she didn't go through with it.

"I'll never forget. I wanted to have the baby, but Rick said my children would all be in concrete. I lived in fear for five years," she said.

"I prayed to God, 'Please, I don't want this.' When they called my name [at the clinic], I stood up."

The only problem with that theory is that an alleged voicemail from Pitino, that she provided to the media, seems to contradict that. He specifically says that the decision is up to her, although he does seem to be encouraging her to "put it behind her."

She also has a theory for one of the other unanswered questions: Why would Tim Sypher woo and marry a woman that his boss knocked up less than year earlier? Her conclusion—he was paid by Pitino, which I guess makes as much sense as anything. I don't have a better answer for that.

Sypher's story has not changed at all from the story she told police during their investigation of the extortion claims. Whether any of this is true or not (and a quite a bit of it is), she seems to believe it. She believes she's been wronged by Rick Pitino and it can't be helping her sanity to see that he will probably not face any consequences for any of this, while guys like Pat Forde go on TV to remind everyone that she's the criminal. Sure, he's embarrassed, but he'll move on and Louisville basketball will continue to run this town.

'I WANTED THE BABY BUT RICK SAID NO ... I LIVED IN FEAR' [New York Post]
Forde speaks [Kentucky Sports Radio]
And Now the Juicy Parts of Sypher/Pitino [Page One Kentucky]

Pitino apologized to his family, his players, his recruits, other families, the university, even sportswriters for "that indiscretion six years ago," which he then, somehow, related to that one really big indiscretion eight years ago:

When 9/11 hit, you needed a community to get you over it. In New York City, it was easy because everybody knew the devastation of that and they got each other over it. In Louisville, the impact wasn't felt like New York City, but I needed this community to help me get over it.

Pitino's gone this route before. In June, he obliquely addressed the Karen Sypher case, saying:

Times aren't easy, but if I can get through 9/11, I can get through anything in my life. And I got through 9/11 and there's nothing ever going to come close to that. We'll get through this in a positive way and move on.

Look, 9/11 was a national tragedy with profound personal dimensions for a lot of people, but the great majority of them have had the good sense not to wear it like a perpetual crown of thorns. Yes, Rick, please move on.

Rick Pitino's statement [Louisville Courier-Journal]
EARLIER: Pitino Speaks: "If I Can Get Through 9/11, I Can Get Through Anything"

A tipster forwards the following e-mail, from Judge John L. Carroll, dean of the law school:

From: lawadvisory-bounces@samford.edu [mailto:lawadvisory-bounces@samford.edu] On Behalf Of Carroll, John
Sent: Wednesday, August 12, 2009 11:45 AM
To: 'lawadvisory@listproc.samford.edu'
Subject: The Leadership Luncheon - September 10th

As you know, we have the first ever law school Leadership Luncheon scheduled for September 10th featuring Coach Rick Pitino. Many of you have provided substantial help in putting this together. XXXX secured Coach Pitino's appearance and Hare Wynn, through the assistance of XXXX and XXXX, agreed to provide transportation. Many of you and your law firms were to be sponsors.

I regret to inform you that Coach Pitino and the law school have mutually agreed to cancel the luncheon scheduled for September 10th. I want to thank all of you for your support of this project. We are making plans to put on a similar event in the near future.

Judge John L. Carroll
Dean and Ethel P. Malugen Professor of Law
Cumberland School of Law
Samford University

So the fallout has begun. What's sad here, of course, is that Samford thought Pitino had anything interesting to say about law or leadership to a roomful of earnest 2Ls in the first place. (Now-humorous passage from an overview of his Lead to Succeed: "Lessons from Rick's own experiences coaching players and managing employees Pitino reveals why dictating and people-pleasing are dead ends.") What's doubly sad is that Samford canceled the moment Pitino actually had something interesting to say about law or leadership to a roomful of earnest 2Ls.

The contract's wording comes to us via the Louisville Cournal-Journal, which has posted the entire document online. It stipulates that Louisville can fire or discipline Pitino for just cause, which includes the following:

Disparaging media publicity of a material nature that damages the good name and reputation of Employer or University, if such publicity is caused by Employee's willful misconduct that could objectively be anticipated to bring Employee into public disrepute or scandal, or which tends to greatly offend the public, or any class thereof on the basis of invidious distinction.

And:

Employee's dishonesty with Employer or University; or acts of moral depravity; or conviction of a felony or employment or drug related misdemeanor; or intoxication or being under the influence of a psychoactive substance when performing duties under this contract, when student athletes are present, when attending scheduled public appearances, or during media contacts.

Obviously, the university is annexing for itself a lot of room to define categories like "moral depravity" and behavior that "tends to greatly offend the public." How Louisville would even begin to define the latter is beyond me, especially when the public, in this case, includes both the seemingly unmoved Pat Forde and the sort of indignant Kentucky fans who take to the message boards to write things like: "You know who the real victum [sic] is here?, the little unborn child who had no say on whether to be born or murdered ..."

Earlier today, University of Louisville president James Ramsey swung clear of that particular briar patch. Asked if Pitino had violated the terms of his contract, he said, "I am not going to speculate."

Pitino contract contains morality clause [Louisville Courier-Journal]
Rick Pitino's employment contract [Louisville Courier-Journal]

But I would argue the abortion is the fourth most important piece of info here, behind, in some order: Pitino slept with Sypher, Sypher alleged she was raped and police decided there was no merit to her claims.

This was a tough one for the media. There have been so many rumors flying around that we felt like we knew all of this before it got confirmed last night. But nothing's actually been reported yet, because there haven't been any facts to go on.

We knew Pitino said he thought this all stemmed from an "encounter" in 2003. We knew Sypher filed a complaint with the sex crimes division. Heck, we knew that's Sypher's son up there, holding a sign asking "What's the price of an abortion?" We all put the pieces together. Problem is, you just can't report that until you have hard info.

So now that we do, why is it the abortion aspect of this story that's jumping out at people? It's the one part of this story that's a real surprise. We're accustomed to our athletes cheating on their wives. It's nothing new to see them accused of rape. And, almost as often, we see the cases against them fall apart.

But abortion's a new one. I can't remember a single story where it played a major role, and make no mistake, Kentucky's a part of the country where this is a BIG deal to many people. It's a novelty to sportswriters, and one they're not entirely prepared to deal with. So in the days and weeks ahead, expect to see that dominating the ledes even though, not coincidentally, it's the one part of this that Pitino least wanted to get out.

This first landed on our radar in April, when Sypher was charged with extorting the Louisville coach to the tune of $10 million. For what specifically was kept under wraps, but even her soon-to-be ex-husband called her nuts.

The rape and abortion rumors have been flying wildly for some time now, but we've finally got some confirmation. And as usual, the rumors had half the truth. Pitino denied raping Sypher, but did admit to police that he slept with her, and paid her $3,000 to have an abortion.

According to records obtained by the Louisville Courier-Journal, Sypher reported being raped on two occasions by Pitino. She filed the complaint July 9, two months after she was indicted. Louisville police interviewed Pitino about it, and decided not to charge him.

But the meat of this story is what family man Pitino copped to doing at a chance meeting at a restaurant in 2003.

Pitino told [Sgt. Andy] Abbott that Sypher (then Karen Cunagin) walked up to him early in the evening and asked if he would call one of her sons and encourage him regarding sports and school, which Pitino said he did, on a cell phone.

Pitino said Sypher left the restaurant and returned at about closing time. He said that after the restaurant closed and the last employees and owner Tim Coury had left, Sypher "started coming on to him and that they had sex," according to Abbott's report. Pitino said he learned later that [Pitino aide Vinnie] Tatum was still there.

Tatum told the FBI that he had lain down and couldn't see what happened but that he heard what sounded like consensual sex, Abbott wrote in a report.

Two weeks later she phoned up Pitino to tell him she was pregnant. At his urging they met at the condo of strength coach Tim Sypher — not the most romantic first meeting with your future husband.

He said that if she chose to have the child, he would require a blood test to determine whether or not the child was his.

He said she told him she was going to have an abortion but didn't have health insurance. He said he asked how much it would cost and she said $3,000, which he gave her, according to Abbott's report.

So where do we stand now? Sypher's still in hot water for extortion, and her police complaints seem to have an awful lot of holes. But while Pitino's not in legal trouble, having sex on a restaurant floor while your assistant listens, then paying the woman to get an abortion are VERY BAD THINGS, especially for a married man.

That first game at Rupp Arena's going to be wild.

Pitino Told Police He Had Consensual Sex With Sypher [Courier-Journal]

Sypher filed a complaint with the police department's sex offense unit, if that helps paint a picture for you. However, since prosecutors have determined that the claim lacks sufficient evidence, the exact allegation will probably never be known. Depending on how much you want to know about Pitino's nighttime activities that may or may not be a bad thing.

The case against Sypher, however, continues. So who knows what crazy stories will come out of that? In case you've lost track, her lawyer quit and her accused accomplice has rolled over on her—after she literally rolled on him apparently. Lester Goetzinger had been charged with aiding and abetting Sypher's attempted extortion, but he says she came over to his house, sexed him up, and then convinced him to leave threatening voicemails for Pitino. Classy. Goetzinger made a deal with prosecutors after determining that Sypher threw him under the bus. Also classy!

But Sypher is not done yet:

"I'm furious," Sypher told WLKY televison station. "If the investigation was thorough like it should have been, they would have found out what they needed to carry out this case. I'm not done yet."

I just said that!

Complaint against coach Pitino won't be prosecuted [AP]
Attorney: Sypher Seduced Client Into Pitino Plot [WLKY, via]

You can watch the video on the Fox 41 web site. Pitino was introducing his new assistant coach, Ralph Willard, but he apparently responded to a question about the Karen Sypher case:

"My job is to focus on the University of Louisville and the basketball program," Pitino said. "And I've got to do the best job. Times aren't easy, but I'm not going to lie to you and I'm not going to talk about it. Times aren't easy, but if I can get through 9/11, I can get through anything in my life. And I got through 9/11 and there's nothing ever going to come close to that. We'll get through this in a positive way and move on.

Well, it's not the first comparison to spring to mind, but it's not an idle one, either. Pitino's brother-in-law and best friend, Billy Minardi, was a bond trader at Cantor Fitzgerald who died on Sept. 11.

Meanwhile, Karen Sypher's doing some talking, too. The Associated Press caught up with her in the office of her attorney and reports:

She doesn't have a job and has taken to going to Mass every weekday morning. Except when she has to pick up her children from school, she stays home and out of sight, dreading the next time she might end up on the front page of the newspaper.

Karen Cunagin Sypher, a 49-year-old former model and auto glass saleswoman accused of trying to extort Louisville men's basketball coach Rick Pitino, says she feels shunned.

"I feel like I'm in a horrible movie that is just ... ," she said, trailing off during an interview in the office of her attorney, Thomas Clay. "I was set up from the very beginning and I'm still being set up and I am going to prove my innocence."

[...]

Cunagin Sypher said she fears Pitino's popularity and clout in a basketball-crazed city means she'll be sent to prison. She said she is considering applying for food stamps, and choked back sobs while vowing she will not give in.

"Do you back down? Do you show your children that the justice system doesn't work?" she said. "Or do you show them that it does work?"

The trial is set to begin later this month, but for now, at least, the case is being tried in the realm of our sympathies. For whom do you feel sorrier: The guy who lost his friend in 9/11, or the shunned single mother who may have to go on food stamps?

Pitino Comments On Extortion Case [Online Sports Guys]
Defendant in Pitino extortion says she was set up [AP]

According to the reader, the photo was on the Louisville Courier-Journal's web site yesterday but has since been pulled. Wise appears in the video attached to this story, hugging Karen Sypher, sans sign but holding a rose. We've e-mailed the Courier-Journal photographer for confirmation.

UPDATE: Spoke with Andrew Wolfson, the Courier-Journal reporter who covered the court appearance. He says he saw the sign but doesn't know if the kid is Sypher's son and apparently didn't think to ask. Huh?

UPDATE #2: It's him.

(courtesy of Wave 3NBC news video)

Did the Courier Journal Accidentally Leak Sypher Story [Kentucky Sports Radio]
Indictment, allegations land Karen Sypher in legal storm [Courier-Journal]

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Pitino Did What With The Who Now In The What?

AJ,

Word on the streets of Louisville is that Rick Pitino will retire on Monday May 4th over the extortion case against him. I've heard every rumor but they usually break down into two categories the bizarre(gay love rectangle involving Rick, his son, Karen Sypher's oldest son, and Tim Sypher) to the evil (Pitino had Tim Sypher, his longtime equipment manager, seduce and marry Karen to stop her repeated extortion attempts after Pitino had an affair with her). Hopefully its a combination of both!

It hasn't been announced yet to avoid the Louisville Derby media hoopla his retirement, and his son has already moved on to an assistant job at Florida. Thad Matta and Mark Few would be the leading candidates for the job. Anyway, I know this won't make deleted scenes unless its right, but if it is, just tell me I told you so.

Anonymous Kentucky fan

Lebron Should Really Heed This Warning

does mr James know that talcum powder is ground up soapstone and has been shown to accumalate in the lungs and cause emphezima . the human body cant break down talcum its almost as bad as cement powder maybe someone could mention it to him.

I'm Sorry I Didn't Find The Big Tits Clip

I'm fairly certain that Phil just got called Big Tits on live TV...please find a clip.

About a half hour ago I was watching the Golf Channel coverage.

Phil was on the 6th hole and had to hack out of the trees.

As he was walking out to the fairway, some dude says "LET'S GO BIG TITS"

The camera cut back to Phil just as he turned around, walked back towards the guy and said "WHAT DID YOU SAY"

Dude goes "I SAID LET'S GO BIG TITS".

Phil then went crying to his caddie to get an official on it.

He went on to make his first bogey of the day. Please find this clip!!!

Chasing Ronnie Woo Woo

This is just a random picture my buddy took of famed Cub fan Ronnie Woo Woo outside his office by Wrigley...thought you guys might get a kick out of it...or not.

No, YOUR Mom

Because it's Mother's Day next Sunday, 5/10, and there's still time to get something funny and sexy like our Trophy Wife tee. For your wife. And for your mom, too. Check out PlanetMomTshirts.com.

Adventures In "Management" Part I

ANGRY LEW:

So, why no props for the Dirk story?

You have never used any of my submissions. I wish Rick was still there.

Typical Philly asshole.

ME:

Lew, honestly:

I'm sorry you feel that way.Even though I know, for some reason, you feel like you are the first person in the world to send me a national story and you should be the person that gets credit for it, that's not going to be the case. Ever.

So good luck with your blog and whatever else it is you do. Please don't email your submissions to Deadspin anymore and we'll both be much happier.

Hope you feel better.

ajd

ANGRY LEW:

Oh i feel much better already, jerkwad

ME:

You're a real class act, Lew.

ANGRY LEW:

Yeah i know. You always use the same bs excuse that you have too many sources to use my story when actually, you've never used any of my submissions. Will should have knocked you in the head with a brick.

ME:

Don't worry. I'll link your dumb ass on Friday you crazy old shit.

ANGRY LEW:

Cool, for the first time ever you are shooting straight. That's all i'm asking for. Damn philly people.

Adventures In Management Part II

MR. DENTON:(2:39:48 PM): oh, you can post vid on Deadspin if you like
MR. DENTON :(2:39:58 PM): given it's so much about Will
ME: (2:40:34 PM): How about I just run a photo of me blowing him instead?
MR. DENTON: (2:41:11 PM): you could do that too
ME: (2:41:29 PM): There's probably one on Flickr.