Joanna Krupa and Terrell Owens' Team Ego failed miserably on the first week of The Superstars, but Week Two began with the announcement that Jennifer Capriati had suffered a mysterious injury and would not be continuing. The solution? Bring back T.O.'s team! Oh, and look ... this week's events just happen to be sprinting and jumping. Do you think an NFL wide receiver might be good at that?

The first half-hour of the show involved the always riveting "running in a straight line competition," in which Owens destroyed the competition. Even when half-assing it—and with maybe the slowest possible partner—he cruised to victory. And when he did decide to turn it on, his speed is actually kind of impressive. Julio Iglesias Jr. didn't stand a chance!

At least the event did provide the first legit injury of the competition. Dan Cor-tay-zay blew out his hammy running across a beach. Cortese is down! Cortese is down! He even went to a awesome Bahamas hospital. This shit is for reals, yo. (Capriati's old partner, David Charvet, took his place.)

The next event was a water long jump. Couldn't the producers have found an event that played more to Terrell's strengths, like "who can run the best post route" or "crying at press conferences"? Owens actually botched his jump, but still managed to advance thanks to his showing is the sprint. Iglesias was actually impressive thanks to some world class jumper's form (before having the greatest wipeout) and Bode Miller is shaping up to be the most dangerous of the athletes. Of course, he's a skier, so the oxygen depletion may catch up to him at some point. Oh, and Jeff Kent took his shirt off, which was not good for anyone.

Ironically (but not really), the worst jumper of all is the basketball player. The competition isn't really designed for retired 6'10" dudes with bad knees and Robert Horry's age is showing. Plus, he's paired with Estella Warren who is playing way above her fighting weight and is probably the least athletic celebrity in the bunch. They ended up in the obstacle course final against Bode Miller and Paige Hemmis, and predictably, they flamed out.

I just realized that I have no idea what these people are playing for. Charity? A trophy? A lifetime supply of Icy/Hot? It would actually be kind of awesome if there was no reward at the end, but everyone assumed there was because they weren't really paying attention to their agents. The look on Joanna Krupa's face alone, when she finds out she up with Owens for two weeks for nothing more than bragging rights, would make the whole enterprise worthwhile.

The moral of the story is that when you are a valuable commodity, producers will do anything to keep you on TV. But if Dan Cortese doesn't come back our lives will all be a little emptier.

The Superstars [Full episode @ ABC.com]
Previously: The Superstars Loses Its Superstar

• True Hoop: "I guess the one [argument] that has all of us motivated is: because it means so much and because what they did was so harmless. All true, but that's an impossible standard to maintain consistently in the future. Who wants to decide who's harmless and who isn't? Who wants to say which games are really important next time?"

• 100 Percent Injury Rate: "If it's clear that the NBA doesn't care about the fans, likes to enforce a rule that makes NO sense, and has made a mockery of justice in this incident, then why even play the game? Robert Sarver, the current majority owner of the Suns, should tell David Stern to stick it where the sun don't shine and tell him the Suns won't play Game 5. I have no doubt that the people of Phoenix would rally around that cry seeing as they just wound up on the wrong side of one of the most uneven judgments in NBA history."

• Pounding The Rock (Spurs blog): "Horry loses his cool and arm checks The Great White Symbol. An inexcusable cheap shot that leads to the unfortunate suspension of two vital Suns players. And with that the litmus paper has been turned and there's no going back. There's no pointing at Baron Davis' elbow to the head of Derek Fisher and questioning his free pass from the masses, no remembrance of a Raja Bell clothesline. The Spurs are thugs. The series is tainted and the indelible dye has been cast upon the postseason. The only happy ending, the only way to clean this up is David casting down the Goliath and retaking his seemingly ill-gotten gains. No matter the outcome tonight, the Spurs will walk away losers."

Our favorite notion, though, is from a True Hoop reader: "By this logic, if James Jones had noticed that Duncan and Bowen had wandered on the court in the second quarter, he should have immediately decked Francisco Elson. There's your altercation. Mr. Commissioner! Presumably Jones, Duncan, and Bowen would have all been suspended for Game 5 — a big win for Phoenix." It would be incredibly fun to watch a team deploy this strategy.

June 15th 1:41 AM (I wrote to Rob) Congratulations on the 3 pointer record. Now hurry up and get your 6th Ring! MM

June 15th 1:54 AM (Rob wrote to me) Who is this?

Text message? Please. Insert "on the floor of the Alamodome" for "text message," and insert "every player he's ever met" for "Robert Horry."

My Text Message To Robert Horry [MarkMadsen.com]