• Purple Prose

    Attack Of (And Farewell To) The Purple

    Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball game in the style of the vaunted sportswriters of yesteryear. This week: He bids farewell. Yes, sadly, this will be Mr. Weintraub's last "Purple Prose" column for Deadspin. But he will write for this site again. For now, please say goodbye to Mr. Weintraub in the comments below and thank him for this column. He wrote this one, just for you.

    Your faithful reporter tried. Honestly, he did. But the happenings at the Continental Divide Bandbox bore little resemblance to The Pastime as we know and love it. A toxic combination of altitude and ineptitude made for a ridiculous affair that rivaled Custer’s Charge for simple-minded wrong-headedness. More »

    1:00 PM on Wed Jul 9 2008
    By robert weintraub
    7,232 views, 165 comments

    Latest by So i've got that going for me which is nice: Egads? So Weintraub is really Gregg Easterbrook? more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    EM>For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Lovable Brownies have division title within their grasp, thanks to pluck, luck, and Pittsburgh folding like an accordion.

    NEW SSW

    The Derek Anderson Experience begins and ends with the Bengals.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    Cincy, typically, did everything they could to hand a miracle comeback to the Browns, with an incompetence bordering on criminality in the second half. But Derek and his Falling Dominoes wouldn't take it. Even the charmed Phil Dawson couldn't make good on a botched snap, an early indicator a brutal day was in the offing. More »

    3:40 PM on Wed Dec 26 2007
    By Leitch
    3,996 views, 41 comments

    Latest by Tom_Bradys_Abortion: You really gotta wonder if Weintrab has time to read the comments - you know, when he's not jerking off more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Tony Romo can't wait until tomorrow, because he gets better looking every day.

    NEW SSW

    Injured thumb, underperforming team, a plenitude of horse collars, and a potential January trip to Lambeau looming as a giant cockblock. Relax—there's always Ashlee.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    Once Andre Girode went out with the injury, the Eagles attacked the middle of the Cowboys line with blitzes and stunts, and the Dallas offense was on skates. Maybe one day, somebody will write about the importance of the center in the NFL. More »

    3:10 PM on Tue Dec 18 2007
    By Leitch
    5,031 views, 116 comments

    Latest by iHaveaRagingTebowner: Can't even fucking spell Garrard right? more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Patriots suddenly vulnerable, yet in no way does it make them more attractive or likeable. Giselle doesn't go for that doe-eyed crap anyway—she's a frontrunner. More »

    3:10 PM on Tue Dec 11 2007
    By Leitch
    7,302 views, 116 comments

    Latest by UrbanShocker: begrudgingly, I must admit that I appreciate The Wire reference. Old SSWworthwile only for the hateful commentsNew SSWwell, it really more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Pats had their wake-up call, now it's look out 19-0.

    NEW SSW

    Is it not enough they are the best team, they have to get every break, too? A dumb timeout, a penalty that goes against the Pats saves their bacon, a couple of tipped balls fall to the turf, BS 4th down holding call—and then they convert when they absolutely have to. Every single time. It just makes you sick.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    Rare game when Pats were dominated on both lines, thanks to players like Haloti Ngata and Mike Flynn, guys who get little pub. Yet when the game is on the line, Brady gets all day, and Ravens couldn't get first downs. More »

    1:35 PM on Tue Dec 4 2007
    By Leitch
    4,783 views, 79 comments

    Latest by Fire Scott Armstrong: Next week: Christopher Hitchens guest-stars on the SSW. more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Record-setting 24 point line not nearly high enough—get those bets down on the Pats, the only sure thing in gambling.

    NEW SSW

    Once again, a nation is bamboozled by A.J. Feeley. First came the news he was dating soccer hottie Heather Mitts, now he almost pulls off an all-time upset. Up until that idiotic last decision, he was in full-blown QB controversy land. More »

    11:40 AM on Tue Nov 27 2007
    By Leitch
    4,964 views, 87 comments

    Latest by Glass_Family: I wanna give this a chance cause I'm pretty sure Weintraub is a fellow Bengals fan (or, you know, claims more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Pittsburgh holds the inside lane for the #2 seed and the right to be obliterated in the AFC title game by New England.

    NEW SSW

    This is the high point of Kellen Clemens' career—too bad the team plays again on Thursday.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    The Jets laid a physical beating on the Steelers like few teams have in recent memory. Forget the ManGenius—let's see more of this ManGNC.
    More »

    1:35 PM on Tue Nov 20 2007
    By Leitch
    4,533 views, 81 comments

    Latest by 1980 David Bowie From The Music Video Ashes To Ashes: Weintraub has been working on this for lots of "couple of days." more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    They lost to the Pats, but Indy was better than the Greatest Team Ever for 50+ minutes, so they're still in good shape.

    NEW SSW

    Fugly loss feels like either a Pyrrhic victory, or a moral loss, or some combination that means nothing in the standings and everything to 24/7 NFL talk shows.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    Remember last year, after the Pats lost to Denver and everyone read ill omens into Brady's bad body language? Thought not. He and his team turned out OK, as will Manning and the Colts. Will need Freeney and OL healthy by AFC title game is all (although it would behoove Indy to finish ahead of Pitt and not play divisional round at Ketchup Field). More »

    12:35 PM on Tue Nov 13 2007
    By Leitch
    4,645 views, 92 comments

    Latest by Locker Room Guise: Weintraub is like the Dolphins, just trotting out there every week knowing he'll/they'll get murdered. behoove : limit :: Simmons' skin more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Super Bowl champs (who, incidentally, started last season 9-0, yet title was considered a surprise) utterly subsumed by Pats' run at unbeaten season. Which is proper, since no one can keep BeliCheat's boys under 38 points.

    NEW SSW

    Outhit, outthought, outraged, but still unbeaten. Pats won't have to find a way in last seven games—16-0 is a foregone conclusion.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    OK, it was a big game, but let's not make it out to be the Tehran Derby between Persepolis and Esteghlal at the Azadi Stadium. Now that's a rivalry, usually one that involves stoning the losing team's bus. Also, RCA Dome unlikely to be carpet bombed by the USAF anytime soon. As for the Colts, had Antoine Bethea held on to sure pick one play before bomb to Moss turned the game, Indy is still celebrating. More »

    1:05 PM on Tue Nov 6 2007
    By Leitch
    4,711 views, 59 comments

    Latest by A Pimp Named DaveR: New feature: the Greggggg Easterbrook Wisdom Old GEW*: It's shameful and disrespectful to not take a knee in a blowout, you more »

  • the ssw

    This Week In The SSW

    For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.

    PREVIOUS SSW

    Bears reduced to hoping opposition foolish enough to kick to Hester; can't win otherwise.

    NEW SSW

    Rex Grossman's last-gasp ploy, dumping Gatorade on Griese's helmet receiver, backfires.

    BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS

    Proof Papa Bear's ghost prefers Griese—fourth quarter bad snap goes through Griese's legs. Had it hit his leg, or had Griese been in the shotgun, it would have been a fumble, and Eagles set up to deliver the bullet to the back of the head. But as it didn't touch Griese, and went beyond the QB, it was only a 5-yard penalty, allowing Bears to kick a key figgie. More »

    11:10 AM on Tue Oct 23 2007
    By Leitch
    4,678 views, 68 comments

    Latest by StuScott Booyahs: @Mr. Bigglesworth: i agree, actually more »