Blogger Kyle Slavin of the site "The Second Coming" wrote a very long (and pretty condescending) post last week explaining to Artest what it means to be a Laker and how his wild child antics will not fly with the L.A. fan base. Oh, he recognizes the talent, but if the Lakers don't repeat as NBA Champions it's pretty much going to be all Ron's fault.

Let me be absolutely clear: you absolutely cannot mess this season up. You fail here, and you will never redeem your career again. You ruin this good thing we have going in LA, and the rest of your basketball days will be tarnished by it. In LA, we fans run deep. We know our basketball, we know our history, and we have more than a passing interest in the Lake Show. We will be here longer than you. We have more influence than you. Win us over, and you will be a Hall of Famer. Lose our faith, and you will never see this level of love again.

See, people in Houston and Indianapolis might be willing to put up with technical fouls and fights, but not the good, respectful citizens of Los Angeles. So all Ron has to do is make zero mistakes, make every L.A. fan love him, and also teach Andrew Bynum, Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic how to play basketball. Boom ... he's a Hall of Famer! Simple.

After a few people linked to Slavin's letter he figured he should give Artest a heads up, so he emailed him the link with an introduction. It's safe to say that Ron Ron was not amused.

No law when it comes to me.
I let you type critics write and I just keep it hood.
That will never change.
I am not kissing no ones ass because I'm in LA. Suck a cock.

As expected, Slavin's response was measured and dignified.

No, no, Ron! I was saying that I really want you to do well, dude! WTF, don't tell me to suck a cock! I wanna ROOT FOR YOU. I want you to SUCCEED, and I want you to WIN US A CHAMPIONSHIP! All these things are good for you! I don't want you to kiss anyone's ass! You're a LAKER now. Act like one!

Jesus, did you read the article?

What the hell man!

-kyle

There's more to the story—mostly commenters arguing about who is the bigger jerk here—but the epilogue is that Slavin eventually apologized and Ron has likely forgotten about it already, because his mind is on other important things like Twitter. The thing about the internet allowing athletes to engage their fans and fans being able to engage the athletes is that you can also engage your critics. I don't see how that's a bad thing, aside from all time that gets wasted answering emails. I guess this whole worldwide interconnectedness stuff is pretty awesome until you actually have to deal with people.

Reactions to The Open Letter [The Second Coming]
Ron Artest Will Respond to Your E-Mail, Which May or May Not Be a Good Thing [FanHouse]
Ron Artest: Good Basketball Player, Mediocre Man of Letters [TrueHoop]
Check your mail, Ron Ron [Los Angeles Times]

The two "bros" confirmed their recent reunion on air and made it clear that they have put the incident behind them. Well, Artest has put it behind him—Green will continue to milk his night of infamy for all its worth. The two are "planning" to go on Larry King Live, Jimmy Kimmel Live and host a charity event at Chris Chelios' exclusive chili bar and restaurant. And Kid Rock will probably be involved, because why the fuck not? There's always room for more crazy.

Green says he's doing it for the kids, of course, but mostly so he can try and get his lifetime ban at the Palace of Auburn Hills rescinded. (He's actually excited that the Pistons have Ben Wallace back!) And if it gives him a chance to try some of his special brand of comedy on the air, that's great too. (Don't mind the casual racism or homophobia. That's just good radio!)

Of course, he's not ashamed about throwing his cup—it was Diet Coke, not beer!—or about shoving Artest in the back as another fan took the heat for him. It's just one of those crazy things that happens, am I right? But seriously, if Green could just drop the name of his lawyer a few more times (gotta pay the bills!) and maybe get in another zinger about angry black guys then this whole sordid incident could be over. Or we could drag it out a few more years. Either way!

From Foes To Bros [Fox Detroit]
Drew & Mike [Audio via WRIF]
A night out with Artest [OC Register]

(P.S. This phone call was eerily reminiscent of this of a John Green phonecall on "The Best Show On WFMU" back in 2004, where the "Robin Hood of the Hardwood" lays out his pathetic attempts to cash in on his new-found fame. Except that was a fake phone call making fun of John Green. Now it's his actual life. [See November 30, 2004, about 1:15 into the show.])

•Sean Haire, who for some reason went by "Sean O'Haire" while wrestling in WCW, was booked for allegedly hitting and choking his girlfriend. Because he's dating a non-Tila Tequila woman, this is not OK.

•Tim Lincecum misses a start with muscle spasms. The Giants had better hope it's not serious, or they run the risk of getting walloped by the Cardinals in three games instead of four.

•With a court ruling still pending, the NFL says the Vikings' Williamses can play in week one regardless. Keep in mind they tested positive for a banned substance more than nine months ago. And the league claims to have the toughest steroid policy in sports?

•We're reaching serious WTF territory here. Ben Roethlisberger's accuser says she'll drop the lawsuit if Big Ben admits he raped her. I'm no legal expert, but copping to a crime can't help his chances in any future criminal proceedings. Also, she's nuts and has no case.

•Michael Jordan picks David Thompson to introduce him at the Hall of Fame ceremony. Between Jordan, fellow inductee David Robinson, and presenters Isiah Thomas and Larry Brown, apparently it's ruin-the-Knicks'-shit day in Springfield.

•Well, it finally happened. Brad Lidge got yanked after loading the bases in the ninth, perhaps ending his tenure as closer in Philadelphia. Would it be hyping up Albert Pujols legend too much to blame his 2005 home run for Lidge's collapse? Well I'm doing it anyway.

•Nashville Predators part-owner William "Boots" Del Biaggio was sentenced to eight years in prison for bilking investors out of hundreds of millions. The lesson, as always, is don't accept a check from someone nicknamed "Boots."

•Emeritus is trying something a little radical over at New York Magazine. Will Leitch...writing a blog...about sports. Hmmm. Sounds crazy, but what do I know?

•Finally, Ron Artest reaches out to Stephon Marbury, through the magic of Celine:

Artest employed his Twitter army to get a hold of Green's phone number and so Ron-Ron called him up, because why not? Ron says they "vibed" immediately and will probably travel around the country during urban outreach for inner-city kids. Makes sense right? The two of them are planning to bring their act to the Carmichael Dave radio show very soon.

So people are gonna have a chance to see, we're actually gonna come on Dave's show and do a live interview for the world to hear, the first time Ron and John speak. It was a great conversation, all we were talking about was ways to reach out to inner-city kids and even suburban kids ..."

So look for Ron and John's Traveling Cavalcade of Whimsy at your local elementary school soon! It's like if the Capulets and the Montagues put aside their differences and co-hosted "The View" together. With less chair throwing.

Ron Artest Does Not Live On Planet Earth [Sports Radio Interviews]
Ron Artest and Auburn Hills beer thrower 'kiss and make up' [SKEETS]

•Two days after ending his holdout, it emerges that Cincy's Andre Smith has a keep-your-weight-down-fatty clause in his contract. Also, he fractured his foot in his first practice. The two things are surprisingly not related.

•In other hilarious injury news, Daunte Culpepper needed stitches on his foot after a freak carpet accident. That's not a sexual euphemism, no matter how erotic it may seem.

•The feds are investigating allegations that the NFLPA held secret talks with the league. Hey, if the inevitable media shitstorm means I'll finally be able to pronounce DeMaurice Smith's first name correctly, then justice will be served.

•Here's your list of top-selling NFL jerseys. Favre at number 1, Vick at number 4, Brady at number8, and Michael Crabtree at number 20. The connection? In a perfect world, none would ever play a snap for their teams.

•Ricky Williams says he'll play two more seasons, then retire. When questioned about this further, Ricky said, "two seasons? I thought you said two seasoned hams."

•And here's Ron Artest covering Celine Dion, proving televised meltdowns are only career-ending if you suck, Stephon Marbury.

Kobe said that after the Lakers lost game six of the '08 NBA Finals in Boston by 39 points, he was alone in the shower, just fuming. He heard somebody walk in and assumed it was one of his teammates, or maybe a staff member. Instead, he looked up, and it was Ron Artest (to this day, Kobe has no idea how Artest got into the locker room).

"I want to come help you," Artest said. "If I can, I'm going to find a way to come to LA and give you the help you need to win a title."

It's always been my experience that any job interview that ends with your future employer needing to put on a towel, is not one that leads to a healthy work environment. At that point, being "hoodalized" is the least of your problems.

Ireland: Artest Told Kobe He Was Coming To L.A. [CBS 2]
Signing Ron Artest is a smart move by Lakers [Los Angeles Times]

The matchup to watch is the Kobe/Artest pairing. Artest has been tossed in both games two and three, once for a confrontation with Kobe and once for a flagrant foul. Kobe was also called for a flagrant foul on Artest in game two.

"Both teams are just pretty much ready for war," Artest said. "You've always got to be ready to hit, in case somebody hits you. I think both teams realize that."

It's about to get ugly.

Consider this your open game thread. In the meantime, here's a little reminder of more peaceful times.

Someone dug up an old AP story from April 15, 1991, about Lloyd Newton, a 19-year-old basketball player from Queens who was killed in a fight at a Y.M.C.A. tournament in Niagara Falls.

The player, Lloyd Newton, was stabbed in the back with a leg from the scorer's table at the championship game of a Y.M.C.A.-sponsored tournament at the Niagara Falls Boys and Girls Club, the police in Niagara Falls said.

"An argument ensued about the score," Capt. Louis Curcione said, adding that one of the teams "thought they were getting gypped."

"A fight broke out between the players and about 40 fans in the stands," he said. "In the course of the fight, one person was stabbed in the back."

Newton died on the way to the hospital. A local teenager, Brian C. Young, was charged with second-degree murder, but a cursory online search did not reveal anything about the results of the case. However, there is a Brian C. Young, also from the Buffalo area and roughly the same age, who is currently in a New York State jail on drug charges. It could be a different Brian Young (it's a common enough name), but it might be the same.

It's not clear if Artest actually witnessed the game in person (it's unlikely actually; he was 12 at the time) or knew Newton personally (possibly) or simply heard the tale. But it did happen and yeah, it's very sad.

Player Dies in Stabbing at Basketball Game - The New York Times [AP/New York Times]
As It Turns Out, Ron Artest's Story About The Table Leg Through The Chest Really Happened [Mouthpiece Sports]
CRIME: Brian Muhammad has charges against him dismissed [MySpace]
Ron Artest Maybe Crazy, But He Isn't A Liar: Table Leg Murder Story Is True!!! [BlackSportsOnline]

Artest was ejected from Game 2 against the Lakers last night despite (sort of) trying to play the peacemaker. He was rightfully upset about Kobe Bryant's wild elbows and may have lost his cool a bit, but at least he's learned to keep things in perspective. And he definitely wasn't retaliating because Ron Artest knows about real retaliation. He told the media last night that one of his friends died during a playground game after being stabbed in the heart with a table leg. Yes, I guess that would be considered "rough play."

That kind of makes all the shoving and slaps to the head and teeth punching seem sort of silly, doesn't it? And yes, it does sound like something out of "Anchorman" (so go ahead and get it out of your system in the comments) but did it really happen? I choose to believe, only because I'm not going to call a guy who may have lived through something like that a liar. I enjoy my heart and would like to keep it where it is.

I Love Ron Artest Post-Game Interviews [Talk Hoops]
Ron Artest claims to have witnessed actual on-court murder, so Wednesday against Kobe and the Lakers was no biggie [LA Times]
NBA.com: Series reminds us that Playoffs are still a physical time [NBA.com]

UPDATE: It looks like the story is true, although Artest may not have actually witnessed it in person, not that it really matters. Scary stuff.

In the final minute of Houston's series clinching win over Portland, a classic Artest hustle play ended up with him somewhere around Row 15, where appreciative Rockets fans offered him a seat and a beer. (To drink this time!) Then at the post-game press conference, everyone got all misty-eyed and had a nice chuckle over it, because it was oddly reminiscent of that one time when Ron charged into the stands at Detroit and tried to kill a man with his fists.

See, that was funny because it started a riot that destroyed the Indiana Pacers franchise and forever branded Artest as a wild, unbalanced thug who should never be allowed in public without leg irons. More like a laugh riot, am I right?

Artest-Yao press conference [video via NBA.com]

His opinions aren't that off-base — I think considering what Brandon Roy's done in the playoffs so far, he's deserving of some over-the-top praise. Barkley? Probably would have been less effective had he spent his prime years during this NBA era. But it's Artests hyperactive, glazed-over expression that makes the whole interview impossible to keep up with. Artest appears to be channeling Orlando Jones' door-to-door salesman act from "Office Space."

It was also nice of him to give a shout-out to his hometown buddy who unfortunately went to prison when he was 15-16 years-old.

Ron Artest Calls Barkley Overrated, Roy GOAT [Outside The Box Score]

Double bonus points for picking that guy to defend the rights of animals that are famous for their dangerous instability. Yes, yes—pit bulls get a bad rap, as does Ron Artest, but are people really going to listen to "that insane NBA guy" when he tells them to neuter their dogs?

On the other hand, it's kind of genius. It's like—if Ron Artest thinks you're crazy for not controlling your pets, then guess what? You're crazy.

When Ron Artest isn't sticking it to his opponents on the basketball court, he's sticking up for animals. That's why the Houston Rockets forward teamed up with us and the Houston Humane Society to star in an ad urging people to get their dogs "fixed."

"These animals are literally dying for a good home," says Artest, the NBA Defensive Player of the Year for the 2003-2004 season. "Millions of dogs and cats in shelters across the country are euthanized every year because there simply aren't enough good homes for them. Spaying and neutering your [animal companion] will help control the overpopulation problem."

Artest added, "Oh, and if you see a pit bull lying on the street, definitely don't throw a souvenir cup at it."

Basketball Star Ron Artest Unveils New PETA Ad [PETA]

Granted, this seems like something the league might look into. Hope his supply of Golden Seal is fresh.

On why he would get in so many fights in school:

"I got ticked off by everything. If I came to school bummy, I'd be heated. Maybe my underwears wasn't washed. Maybe my moms couldn't wash my underwears, so I'm already pissed for the whole day. Or if my clothes weren't ready and I had to wear something I don't want to wear. I remember I had to come to school in purple pants, purple jeans. I was pissed. "

On the "Malice at the Palace" and why he didn't do anything wrong:

" I didn't grow up to let somebody throw something at me. I ain't grow up to really think about consequences."

On the domestic violence arrest from March 5, 2007, where he allegedly slapped and shoved his wife:

"Only people from the ghetto can understand that incident. No, that's not true. Any married couple that has problems can understand what happened. When you push or hit a female and, in some cases, curse and scream, you are going to jail. It wasn't something I was proud of."

Huh. Well, at least he wasn't proud of it.

Yao expressed some concern about whether or not Artest would still be fighting and going into the stands. Which isn't that big of a surprise considering that the Chinese calendar says it's still 2004. But Ron Artest wasn't pleased by the comments. So he did what Ron Artest always does, gave the Houston Chronicle a cogent explanation of his position. That, or said that Yao hadn't really played with any black basketball players yet. Okay, the latter.

Artest told the Houston Chronicle:

This is Tracy (McGrady) and Yao’s team, you know,” Artest said. “I’m not going to take it personal. I understand what Yao said, but I’m still ghetto. That’s not going to change. I’m never going to change my culture. Yao has played with a lot of black players, but I don’t think he’s ever played with a black player that really represents his culture as much as I represent my culture.

Well, this clears it up. Ron Artest—black cultural spokesperson.

Despite Yao's comments Artest seems happy about future [Houston Chronicle]

——- Original Message ——-
From: Pellegrino, Lou
To: Schupf, Hillary; Meyer, Gordon; Sabean, Tim; Hunerlach, John
Sent: Tue Jul 29 23:58:55 2008
Subject: FERRALL BREAKS THE NEWS TO RON ARTEST ABOUT BEING TRADED

Guys, please get this to ESPN, ESPN NEWS and any other sports outlet you can think of. This will get plenty of pub. We could use it. Thanks.

Lou Pellegrino
Executive Producer
The Scott Ferrall Show
Sirius XM Radio

Guess it worked, though. Nice job, Lou. I'll look for this item on the SportsCenter ticker.