Yes, in the urge to celebrate a rare victory over the mighty Brewers on Sunday, Dempster attempted to scale the dugout railing at Wrigley Field and failed. The miniature fence sent him sprawling, twisting his right foot in unnatural ways and sending him to the Hall of Lame Injuries on the first ballot.

In a way, this photo beautifully illustrates the great cosmic farce that all Cub fans must play a role in. For a brief moment, the boy is entertained by the clumsy follies of his favorite team, but meanwhile a darker truth lies quietly beneath the surface. The subtle interplay of comedy and tragedy is what defines the Cub Nation's futile existence as they seek to find humor in their plight, lest the reality of their struggle reduce them to bitter tears.

In other words ... who's laughing now, you little punk?

Ryan Dempster could miss month with broken toe [Chicago Tribune]
Odd injury: Cubs' Dempster goes toe-to-toe with dugout, loses [Big League Stew]
[Photo: Nuccio DiNuzzo, Chicago Tribune]

And it grows worse: Today, the Cubs have a chance to win their 10,000th game, dating back to 1876. Ryan Dempster, who in addition to being a smooth talker and a ninja, has become our favorite Cub of several seasons, did what he could to keep the number in perspective.

"I remember when we won 5,000," Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster said Tuesday. "What an emotional day that was. We were so excited — we realized we still had an uphill climb to 10,000.

"To be on the verge of that — I've been here since the first one, and to get to 10,000, it's a long, hard struggle, and I'm looking forward to it."

Still, this sure is a lot of good Cubs news, isn't it? It's making us uncomfortable. Let's see ... anything we can find to offset this? Oh yes: It's almost the 25th anniversary of the classic Lea Elia rant.

Ah. That feels better.

Some of you might note that this year is the 100th anniversary of the Cubs' last World Series title. (Some of you, if you're like us, will note this often, and loudly.) Ryan Dempster says that's the perfect number; the Cubs are totally winning the World Series this time. He's actually assuring it.

"I think we're going to win the World Series, I really do. I wouldn't come here and worked as hard as I did, and everyone worked as hard as they did, to not believe that. I think it's funny when people make predictions or they say things and people are like, 'Oh, how can you say that? You believe it. You really do. Enough of all the b.s., and the curse this, the curse that, the goat, the black cat, or the 100 years (without a championship). ... Whatever it is, we're a better team than we were last year, I truly believe."

Everyone pause, as Cubs fans from across this great nation slit their collective wrists ... and we Cardinals fans just chuckle, the way you chuckle at a small child who can't figure out how to use that yo-yo but won't stop trying.

Try not to take him too seriously, Cubs fans: In addition to predicting the Cubs winning ... the ... sorry, we just couldn't finish that sentence ... anyway, in addition to that, Dempster is the guy who points out that he, in fact, a ninja.

Breaking News: Dempster Dooms 2008 Cubs [Chicago Bull]
We Think Ninjas Would Make Great Closers, Actually [Deadspin]

I just had my first Wrigley bleacher experience after being a lifelong Cubs fan who grew up in Hawaii. I had three buddies in town from back home, and for a bunch of first timers at Wrigley, the bleacher experience was just awesome. Ryan Dempster was warming up with some long toss in front of us on the field, and my trash talking buddy starts it up with him with the standard, "Dempster, you're killing my fantasy team" routine. Dempster was having none of it, stops the long toss, looks up to the bleachers and shouts back, "What are you talking about man? I got myself on my own fantasy team and I'm doing pretty good this year." A bit startled that a professional baseball player would actually respond to the taunt, someone in the bleachers shouts back "Oh yeah....so what's your fantasy team name?" Dempster, looking to get back to his long tossing, "The Taints, man. The Taints".

The entire bleacher section cracked up. What was really funny was what came next, when Christine (the lady in the picture) asked Dempster for the ball he was long tossing with. After she first asked, his response was something along the lines of "what am I going to long toss with if I give you this ball?" After Christine pleaded for the ball again (in that semi-annoying way only girls can pull off), Dempster responded back "I'll give you the ball if you take your top off." By now the entire bleacher section was rolling over itself, a few beers deep and chanting "Take it off" in support of Dempster's response. Christine, now embarrassed said that her boyfriend was her and that he wouldn't like that, or something to that effect. Dempster, in an act of kindness and to stop the crowd from chanting at this poor girl to take off her clothes, then gave Christine the ball and went about his warming up business.

A bit later on, a bunch of bullpen players are walking by the bleachers and people are throwing down items to them to get their autographs. Christine, now relishing her role as "that girl" in the stands, goes and gets Dempster to sign the ball he gave her. He throws it back up, and this is when the magical picture was taken. I thought it worthwhile for you to send over in case you guys wanted to post it, especially because it's the least I could do to try and rally the Cubs from their 0-2 hole against the D-Bags.

Ryan Dempster says he is training to be a ninja. He says this with a straight face, claiming he has trained with a sensei in Vancouver. "You have to (learn) how to throw a throwing star and nunchucks and all those kinds of things," the Chicago Cubs closer says. "Obviously you've got to do martial arts and learn how to be really quiet, which is a tough task for me because I talk a lot.

"It's pretty cool. I wear the outfit around the house and try to sneak up on people," Dempster deadpanned.

Dempster appears to be kidding around ... but one must never try to understand the ways of a ninja. God we'd love to see a real life ninja pitcher sometime.

Dempster Trains As Ninja [Sports By Brooks]
Cubs Closer Has Goals [Arizona Daily Star]

Of course, one musn't forget the team that Maddux left, the Chicago Cubs, which has dealt with decades of futility and now must deal without the calming, adult, mature nature of a Hall of Famer in their dugout every night. It's about class; it's about dignity.

But don't just take it from us; listen to former teammate Ryan Dempster:

"We've been sharing locker space for three years," [Dempster] said. "It's kind of weird not having him there to talk about golf or talk about pitching, farting on each other, whatever it is."

We'll confess: It has many years since we played organized sports — high school, of course, four-year backup catcher in baseball and freshman year backup strong safety in football; our presence on the team was the equivalent of having a third-string kicker who's a girl — but we very much remember farting on our teammates before games. Of course, they didn't have greenies back then, so we needed something.

By the way, that photo is of Dempster spraying Cardinals fans with a hose at Wrigley Field last week. Jerk.

Ex-Mates Feel Void Left By Maddux, The Clubhouse Sage [Chicago Sun-Times]