Sage Kotsenburg Isn't the Lochte We Want. He's the Lochte We Deserve.

The 70's had Mark Spitz, the 80's had Bruce Jenner and Carl Lewis, the 90's had Alberto Tomba, the 2000's had the Australian swim team and Apolo Ohno, and in 2012, the Olympic gods blessed us with Ryan Lochte. But pickings for the Sochi Games' Unofficial Sexy Male Olympian are decidedly more meh. In a post-Lochte era,…

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Here Are the Best Dumb Things Ryan Lochte Said on His Reality Show

Ryan Lochte is a douchebag with gills, George W. Bush without the evil and/or a golden lab turned into a human. His fame, his good looks, his 11 Olympic medals, his seeming good nature, his unending capacity for inanity and the singularity he achieves within his babbling all make him a perfect specimen for reality…

Thank You For Donating $141 Toward Ryan Lochte's Alleged Cock Shot. We Will Not Be Purchasing Ryan Lochte's Alleged Cock Shot.

Yesterday, we asked you an important question: How badly did you want to see Ryan Lochte's alleged cock? A photo had been offered to us. We had looked it over, and before launching negotiations with our source, we decided to gauge your interest in the photo first, via an Indiegogo pledge drive. Eleven of you…