The Kings performance this season has been fine, but their attendance to date has been, shall we say, sub-par. The last thing they want is for ESPN viewers to see thousands of empty seats during such a monumental game. (What would Joe M. of Middlebury, CT, think if he saw that?) So they're breaking out the one sure-fire standby that never fails to put butts in the seats. One-dollar beers for all the fans 21-and-over in attendance. And lo, bankruptcy was averted. There is no possible downside to this.

The promotion only lasts until halftime though, so hit the concession stands early and often. I want to see happy faces when those ESPN cameras catch you making an awkward pass at your friend's wife during the t-shirt launches.

Kings-Wizards Game on Dec. 16 Will Feature Dollar Beer Night at ARCO Arena [NBA.com]
The Sacramento Kings Have a Foolproof Way of Putting (Drunk) Asses in the Seats [The Last Angry Fan]
Kings-Wizards game to feature 'Dollar Beer Night' at ARCO [Ball Don't Lie]
[Photo via]

Garcia will be out of commission for four months after he broke his right forearm and damaged the ligaments in his wrist on Friday. He was injured when the exercise ball he was using burst underneath him. It probably didn't help that he was doing dumbbell presses with his back on the ball ... and holding 90-pound weights in each hand. Apparently, this kind of bizarro weight lifting strategy is standard practice (now that I think about it, I guess I haven't been in a gym in a long time), but the Kings have now made it their mission to stamp out this ball menace once and for all. Owner Joe Maloof says this is "a wake-up call":

I think the most important thing is that this doesn't happen to other teams or other professional sports franchises," Maloof said. "For that matter, high school, college, any of these teams that use these balls. I want to make sure they know what happened to us."

If you see any balls matching the above photo, stay away and call the authorities. They won't think twice about bouncing the crap out of you and stealing your girlfriend.

Sacramento Kings warn other NBA teams after exercise ball accident [Sacramento Bee]

Casspi was selected with the 23rd pick in the Draft last night, which, in David Stern's mind, completely validates the NBA's entire push for globalization. Shalom, chaver. If Casspi — a 6-foot-9 small forward who had some success in the Euroleague — makes the NBA, he will be the first Israeli and second active Jew in the league, which means Jordan Farmar no longer has to sing the four questions at the NBA's annual seder.

So what can we tell you the next Jewish Jordan? (Sorry, Tamir Goodman.) Per NBADraft.net, he is "very long and athletic with excellent frame, plus leaping and slashing ability," but he doesn't have an NBA body, can't guard better players, isn't a great shooter, can't break down defenders, needs to be a better rebounder and is too much of a prima donna. He's also a jersey-popper, his mixtape is littered with skull-pounding heavy metal and he already refers to himself in the third person. Now, a helpful hint from one member of the J-Team to another: We know you can dunk, but hanging on the rim — well, it's just not kosher.

Speaking of, it's only a matter of time before the Chabad temples in Sacramento start planning their field trips to ARCO Arena. Let's just hope the Lakers don't come to town on a Friday night.

Israeli hooper first round bound in NBA Draft [The God Blog]
Casspi 1st Israeli taken in 1st round [AP]
Israeli Casspi set for big stage [USA Today]

Here's what they said in a blurb buried in a otherwise dull NBA roundup:

According to an NBA executive, there is growing concern inside the Kings organization that if their arena issue isn't resolved, they could end up moving to Anaheim. Anaheim has been hoping to get an NBA team for years, has filled its arena for Lakers exhibition games and Clippers regular-season games, and could attract fans from as far south as San Diego. The Lakers and Clippers, however, could challenge for territorial rights fees, and it could be hard for the Kings to find a spot on television in LA, too. The financially strapped Pacers, who reportedly have lost $200 million since 1983, also could be on the move eventually. San Jose, Kansas City, Seattle, and Las Vegas are potential future NBA homes.

Yes, Sacramento wants out of their arena and there is no way the city builds a couple of casino goons a new one in this economic climate. But Anaheim will clearly never happen. The Clippers' rotting stench can reach to Orange County, thank you very much. San Jose won't work, because it's hard enough for everyone in the Bay Area to pretend that the Warriors don't exist. Seattle clearly deserves a team, but they also deserve more than a failed brokedown organization. And Las Vegas? I know everyone wants this to happen, but honestly who is going leave the roulette tables long enough to support an NBA team?

Clearly, the Kings must return to Kansas City so that the mayor can stand on the town's border with his arms crossed and say in a mocking tone, "So you finally came crawling back, huh?" Did I mention that the team must be required to walk to K.C.?

As for the Pacers, they should obviously be taken away from their inept ownership, but they aren't going anywhere. You don't lose $200 million because people in Indiana don't care about basketball. Seriously, how do you screw that one up?

Financial Troubles for the NBA: Kings and Pacers on the Move? [Fan Leader]

When last we saw them: Finished 38-44, fourth in the Pacific Division and 11th overall in the West. I guess it's not so good to be King.

Garbage in: Bobby Brown, Donte Greene, Jason Thompson

Garbage out: Anthony Johnson, Ron Artest

The Good: When a team is rebuilding - as the Kings have been for, like, several years now - it's best to start with a young star-in-the-making. And, fortunately for the Kings, they seem to have that in Kevin Martin. Last season, Speedracer - I refuse to call him "K-Mart" by the way - showed the Association that he can score with anybody (finishing sixth at 23.7 PPG), stick it from downtown (hitting 40.2 percent of his three balls) and slice his way through opposing defenses on his way to the hoop (which is probably why he hit a league-leading 8.2 free throws per game). John Salmons has the potential to be a better second-banana than most people realize. Sure, his season stats weren't that impressive, but check out his splits. When the big guns were out with injury (November through January), Salmons was lighting it up (15.2 PPG, 52 percent shooting, 40 percent from downtown), plus his length and defensive mindset makes him a nice two-way player. Brad Miller can still average near to a double-double on a nightly basis (13.4 PPG and 9.5 RPG). He's also a pretty decent passer - he was second on the team with 3.5 APG - and reasonably tough (although he's not much for mixing it up in the low post). Beno Udrih provides steady play at the point, even if his name does sound like some sort of anti-flatulence medication. (Again, check out Beno's early and late season splits...from when Bibby was out with injury and then after he was traded. Not bad. Not great, but not bad.) Francisco Garcia is a capable put-it-in-the-basket-er, Mikki Moore does the dirty work, and Spencer Hawes, Jason Thompson and Donte Greene give the team big bodies with loads of potential. Now that Ron "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" Artest and Mike "I'm never happy" Bibby are finally gone, all these young guys will have a chance to develop, both individually and collectively.

The Bad: The Kings can score (eighth in the league at 102.5 PPG last season) but can't defend (24th at 104.8 PPG). And now Artest, their best defender and only true stopper, is in Houston. Who's going to pick up that slack? Oh, and their ball movement is horrible: Sacramento ranked 29th in assists (19.1) and 30th in turnovers (16.1). Martin is good, but will he ever be anything more than Mitch Richmond: Part II? And, uh, didn't the team overpay for Udrih (five years, $32 million) and Garcia (five years, $30 million). There's no telling how much better - if any - those guys are going to be. Miller had a nice comeback season last year, but how much does he have left in the tank? Moore has been and always will be a severely limited player. The departures of Bibs and Ron-Ron opens the door for a youth movement, but it's impossible to tell who's going to hit and who's going to miss. At the end of the day, the Kings are comprised of one borderline All-Star, a few above-average veterans and a bunch of unproven young guys. That's bad news, especially in the West.

Fun Facts: Mikki Moore last season led the NBA in shooting fouls, committing four hacks for every shot he blocked...not a good ratio. The franchise has played in five different cities since it was founded: Rochester, Cincinatti, Kansas City, Omaha and Sacramento. The Kings are yet another team that, inexplicably, has retired more numbers than the Lakers: 1 (Nate Archibald), 2 (Mitch Richmond, the only Sacramento player as yet honored) 6 (Sixth Man, i.e., The Fans), 11 (Bob Davies), 12 Maurice Stokes), 14 (Oscar Robertson), 27 (Jack Twyman), and 44 (Sam Lacey). As the Royals, the team won the NBA title in 1951 by defeating the Knicks, four games to three. It is the franchise's one, lonely title. Their D-League affiliate is the Reno Bighorns.

Videotastic extra: Nice hair, Brad. However, Gene Keady does not approve.

So - Ron being Ron - he sent a few long, rambling and segue-heavy emails to ESPN over the weekend to express his intense displeasure over his decision to remain a King.

"It's weird because [the] Maloofs [were] high on me [after] the initial trade," Artest wrote, referring to the January 2006 deal that brought him from the Indiana Pacers to the Kings in exchange for Peja Stojakovic. "But during this opt-out time in my career I have not heard from them. That should have been a sign to me that my future in [Sacramento] is N/A or undetermined.

"In a way I wish this [coming 2008-09 season] would have been [Theus'] first year and [Adelman] would have left this summer, because it could have showed how much [of] a winner I am. Guys like Rick Adelman and Rick Carlisle [brought] that out of me. Isiah [Thomas] was going to bring that out of me if he didn't get fired [by the Knicks]. A coach like Phil Jackson can bring that out me."

"Reggie more than qualifies," Artest continued. "[But] as much as I have to prove I can win like a Rasheed [Wallace] or [Kevin] Garnett in the first year [with their] respective [new] teams, I can make an argument [that] firing Rick Adelman was not the best thing to do. It put me in a position where I had to start over. The good thing is, I should be in my prime at 32 years old, so I have time and, with faith in God, I can move ahead with progress to reach success."

I don't know about you, but when I think "Ron Artest," I think "faith in God." Anyway, Ron also complained that he's "being experimented on like a lab rat" and blamed the departures of Rick Adelman (fired) and Bonzi Wells (not re-signed) for ruining his "legacy as a King." He even managed to drag the Maloof brothers' mom into it.

"I was blinded by friendship. Even Mama Maloof [Colleen Maloof, Joe and Gavin's mother] told me she wanted me to stay. I never knew that meant one more year. I thought it meant several. When Mama [Maloof] talks, you listen, and it's a must you consider and take heed to what she is saying."

And you know, once you bring somebody's mom into a dispute, there's going to be a response. And here's what Kings co-owner Joe Maloof had to say:

"He has to balance the way he acts," Joe Maloof said by phone. "He's got to control his emotions a little better. You've got to try and keep your cool a little bit. Take a deep breath and quit flying off the handle with comments that don't make sense. I hate to say it that way, but that's how I feel. It doesn't make sense to me."

Uh, Joe, comments that don't make sense are Ron's specialty. You might as well ask him to stop breathing, eating and using the toilet. Or, you know, making trade demands.

Anyway, in his new "weekly sports blog" — we are not sure if something comes out weekly, it can be called a "blog" — Christie claims to be shocked, SHOCKED! that something as pure as the NBA could be shady.

Well, now we know why (if these allegations are true). It’s hard enough that you are facing the defending champs, hall of fame players and coaches, but you are also playing 5 on 8 (come on!). This is really disheartening. You work hard, play hard and it’s all bull. But, it’s what you see and the consumer believes it. Whoever “they” say are the “champs” are the “champs” (deserving or not). “They” are controlling the whole thing. What really makes me mad in the turn of events since then is the fact that these events have turned into what I consider a black balling of myself in the NBA!!

Christie then goes on to ramble about how no one in the NBA will hire him because of his wife. Whether that's true or not, uh, just the fact that the question is being asked would seem to be a problem, yes?

The World Of Doug Christie [MVN]

There's nothing I enjoy more than a good blog war. After Paul Pierce and a few of the other Celtics complained of cheap shots and trash talk by the host Sacramento Kings in their game on Wednesday, a couple of the teams' respective blogs started to go at it, and now we've got us a rasslin' match. First, The Celtics Blog called Sacramento "The Queens" in a headline, saying: The Celtics are a target again. Teams desperate for solutions will try anything they can to knock this team down. On this night, it didn't work. The Celtics held off the Queens and just waved good-bye to them. In the future, the C's will have to continue to maintain their focus and stick to playing superior basketball to keep winning games. Another good learning opportunity for this team that is growing stronger every day.

Counters Kings' blog Sactown Royalty: The world does not revolve around the Celtics. They are not a flock of untouchable clergymen. If they want flap their gums at Ron Artest and Francisco Garcia, they will receive gum-flapping in return. This was all just a really long way of pointing out the subtle reasons most of the country dislikes Boston sports fans. I really like CelticsBlog — I'd consider Jeff Clark a very good blogfriend. But when I see silly headlines like [The Queens Get Chippy], I want to punch someone in the nose. That moniker was stupid and played out in 2002. Analysis by gay joke is not remotely useful.

Clark then replies via e-mail: I admit, the use of that headline was probably in poor taste and maybe even out of character for me. It was just meant to be glib but I could see how it would offend or at least annoy people. I'll take a page from the athlete's guide to dealing with the media and say "If I offended anyone, I'm sorry." I simply read report after report this morning of how the Kings took a physical approach to the game and saw the coach quoted as saying that was pretty much the gameplan and I posted the quotes from those sources. If the newspapers got the facts wrong or misrepresented them, bad on them.

The Celtics beat the Kings 89-69. Then on Thursday, Boston invaded Seattle — in Ray Allen's return to his former home — and topped the Sonics 104-96 behind Paul Pierce's 37 points. And more good news for the Celtics; Kevin Garnett leads All-Star voting with 1,186,690 votes.

• Big Breakthrough. The Suns finally figured out how to stop a big man — in this case the Clippers' 7-footer, Chris Kaman — as Amare Stoudemire's 30 points and 15 rebounds led a 108-88 victory.

• Cleveland Somewhat Rocks. LeBron James managed 24 points, eight rebounds and seven assists to lead the Cavaliers past the Mavericks 88-81. Cleveland shot 36.4 percent from the floor, was 2-of-16 from the 3-point line and missed 10 free throws, which should tell you how well Dallas is playing.

• What Does He Charge For Just A Massage?. Quote of the week comes from Jason Williams of the Miami Heat, who is not thrilled with recent trade rumors. "We're like some high-paid prostitutes anyway in this league. They just use and get rid of us whenever they want."

• No God, Not That! As the new year approaches, it's time to count your blessings, NBA players. Enjoy what you have, because things could be much, much worse. Yes, this applies even if you play for the Knicks. Here is the proof.

This photo is fun to look at for several reasons — we particularly enjoy Scot Pollard — but seeing it reminded us that, man, the Kings used to be really good and awfully fun to watch. Those guys were awfully close. Alas.

The Kings Have Flava [Ballsiest]

(Worth noting that Sactown Royalty posted this first.)

Yeah, apparently Stern's had enough of gunshots and domestic violence. (And haven't we all?)

Jackson of the Golden State Warriors pleaded guilty last month to a felony count of criminal recklessness for firing a gun outside an Indiana strip club last fall, when he was with the Pacers. He was ordered to pay a $5,000 fine and perform 100 hours of community service.

Artest of the Sacramento Kings pleaded no contest in May to a misdemeanor domestic violence charge stemming from a March 5 dispute with his wife, the latest in a string of off-court problems.

And another thing: Why would you ever want Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson off at the same time? Isn't that just asking for more trouble? You gotta stagger that shit, Stern.

NBA Suspends Artest, Jackson For First 7 Games Of Next Season [Yahoo!]

Hey, why not? Robert Traylor played for a while. DC Sports Bog's Dan Steinberg digs into the soul and navel of the tubby sibling.

"They want me to be a guard, but I like playing like Barkley," he told me. "I'm fast enough to be a guard. Whenever I get the opportunity to play, you're gonna see how I play. I can jump and everything. I can hit the NBA three. I've been working on my whole game. We've been doing this for months. A lot of running, shooting drills. We'll shoot like 600 shots a day, every day, then we'll come back at nighttime and shoot up another two or three hundred more. I push [Ron] and he pushes me."

You know what? We want him to be a guard too. Desperately.

The NBA's Second Artest [DC Sports Bog]

In [the class], he said, he denied the entire existence — and human cause — of global warming. When asked for his take on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, Hawes said, "It's one big lie. I talked about that in my opening speech — it's the media's liberal overexaggeration of just about everything."

Though this probably puts him at odds with his new state's suddenly environmentally conscious governator, we appreciate his refreshing take on science and industry. All together now: We would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

Hawes Debunks Global Warming, Takes On Al Gore [Lion In Oil] (originally reported by SI.com)

It does seem odd, a bit, that Theus has an NBA head coaching job with only two previous positions: the Aggies and "Hang Time." But hey, one of our top Presidential candidates is being considered for the job because he looks presidential on a television show, so why should this be any different?

Sactown Royalty has the full scoop on the hire. He's no Bill Musselman, but hey, who is?

Sactown Royalty
Hang Time In Sacramento [The Pig Pen]
Reggie Theus Hired By Kings [NBA.com]

The call that the woman — and police are insistent on not giving out the name of the woman or her "relationship" to Artest, even though the cops have been to their house five times since August — made is largely scrambled and bewildering, with the woman making references to events that she assumes the 911 operator knows about. (She seems to have initially called 911 to complain that Artest is taking her car.) You can hear the call right here. We always feel for the 911 operator when we hear "celebrity" calls like this; they never know when they're gonna take a call that ends up with their voice on the news. Though we suppose we feel for the lady being slapped a bit more.

Artest 911 Call [CBS-13]

Placer County Sheriff's deputies have arrested Sacramento Kings' Ron Artest on domestic violence charges.

Deputies say they got a call from Artest's wife at 9:23 a.m. this morning. Deputies responded and arrested Artest. He was taken to the Placer County jail in Auburn. He's being charged with domestic violence and using force to prevent a victim from reporting a crime.

There's a press conference at 4 p.m. CT that should have all kinds of fun details, if "fun" is the word you want to use here. Considering it's Artest, we're going to assume he brought out the ole "You Can Suck My Balls" insult. That's destined to cause trouble, we hear.

Ron Artest Arrested [CBS13]
Five Little Words That Started It All [Deadspin]

With the NBA's trading deadline passed, Ron Artest finally felt it was safe to have his love for the Kings proclaimed boldly on the back of his head. He debuted the new look in last night's win over the Lakers.

I'm guessing that the Kings are okay with the style. Not only does it show his team spirit, but if he had to spend two hours sitting in a chair while having that done, then that's two hours he didn't spend ripping someone's face off.

I look forward to Artest getting bolder and bolder with these back-of-the-noggin proclamations as his career goes on. Right now, it's "Kings," but in time, I expect to see, "I Love Weed," "Socks Hasn't Eaten In A Week," and then all the lyrics from his "My World" album.

Artest makes name for himself in win vs. Lakers [MSNBC]