When last we saw them: Finished 38-44, fourth in the Pacific Division and 11th overall in the West. I guess it's not so good to be King.

Garbage in: Bobby Brown, Donte Greene, Jason Thompson

Garbage out: Anthony Johnson, Ron Artest

The Good: When a team is rebuilding - as the Kings have been for, like, several years now - it's best to start with a young star-in-the-making. And, fortunately for the Kings, they seem to have that in Kevin Martin. Last season, Speedracer - I refuse to call him "K-Mart" by the way - showed the Association that he can score with anybody (finishing sixth at 23.7 PPG), stick it from downtown (hitting 40.2 percent of his three balls) and slice his way through opposing defenses on his way to the hoop (which is probably why he hit a league-leading 8.2 free throws per game). John Salmons has the potential to be a better second-banana than most people realize. Sure, his season stats weren't that impressive, but check out his splits. When the big guns were out with injury (November through January), Salmons was lighting it up (15.2 PPG, 52 percent shooting, 40 percent from downtown), plus his length and defensive mindset makes him a nice two-way player. Brad Miller can still average near to a double-double on a nightly basis (13.4 PPG and 9.5 RPG). He's also a pretty decent passer - he was second on the team with 3.5 APG - and reasonably tough (although he's not much for mixing it up in the low post). Beno Udrih provides steady play at the point, even if his name does sound like some sort of anti-flatulence medication. (Again, check out Beno's early and late season splits...from when Bibby was out with injury and then after he was traded. Not bad. Not great, but not bad.) Francisco Garcia is a capable put-it-in-the-basket-er, Mikki Moore does the dirty work, and Spencer Hawes, Jason Thompson and Donte Greene give the team big bodies with loads of potential. Now that Ron "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" Artest and Mike "I'm never happy" Bibby are finally gone, all these young guys will have a chance to develop, both individually and collectively.

The Bad: The Kings can score (eighth in the league at 102.5 PPG last season) but can't defend (24th at 104.8 PPG). And now Artest, their best defender and only true stopper, is in Houston. Who's going to pick up that slack? Oh, and their ball movement is horrible: Sacramento ranked 29th in assists (19.1) and 30th in turnovers (16.1). Martin is good, but will he ever be anything more than Mitch Richmond: Part II? And, uh, didn't the team overpay for Udrih (five years, $32 million) and Garcia (five years, $30 million). There's no telling how much better - if any - those guys are going to be. Miller had a nice comeback season last year, but how much does he have left in the tank? Moore has been and always will be a severely limited player. The departures of Bibs and Ron-Ron opens the door for a youth movement, but it's impossible to tell who's going to hit and who's going to miss. At the end of the day, the Kings are comprised of one borderline All-Star, a few above-average veterans and a bunch of unproven young guys. That's bad news, especially in the West.

Fun Facts: Mikki Moore last season led the NBA in shooting fouls, committing four hacks for every shot he blocked...not a good ratio. The franchise has played in five different cities since it was founded: Rochester, Cincinatti, Kansas City, Omaha and Sacramento. The Kings are yet another team that, inexplicably, has retired more numbers than the Lakers: 1 (Nate Archibald), 2 (Mitch Richmond, the only Sacramento player as yet honored) 6 (Sixth Man, i.e., The Fans), 11 (Bob Davies), 12 Maurice Stokes), 14 (Oscar Robertson), 27 (Jack Twyman), and 44 (Sam Lacey). As the Royals, the team won the NBA title in 1951 by defeating the Knicks, four games to three. It is the franchise's one, lonely title. Their D-League affiliate is the Reno Bighorns.

Videotastic extra: Nice hair, Brad. However, Gene Keady does not approve.

So - Ron being Ron - he sent a few long, rambling and segue-heavy emails to ESPN over the weekend to express his intense displeasure over his decision to remain a King.

"It's weird because [the] Maloofs [were] high on me [after] the initial trade," Artest wrote, referring to the January 2006 deal that brought him from the Indiana Pacers to the Kings in exchange for Peja Stojakovic. "But during this opt-out time in my career I have not heard from them. That should have been a sign to me that my future in [Sacramento] is N/A or undetermined.

"In a way I wish this [coming 2008-09 season] would have been [Theus'] first year and [Adelman] would have left this summer, because it could have showed how much [of] a winner I am. Guys like Rick Adelman and Rick Carlisle [brought] that out of me. Isiah [Thomas] was going to bring that out of me if he didn't get fired [by the Knicks]. A coach like Phil Jackson can bring that out me."

"Reggie more than qualifies," Artest continued. "[But] as much as I have to prove I can win like a Rasheed [Wallace] or [Kevin] Garnett in the first year [with their] respective [new] teams, I can make an argument [that] firing Rick Adelman was not the best thing to do. It put me in a position where I had to start over. The good thing is, I should be in my prime at 32 years old, so I have time and, with faith in God, I can move ahead with progress to reach success."

I don't know about you, but when I think "Ron Artest," I think "faith in God." Anyway, Ron also complained that he's "being experimented on like a lab rat" and blamed the departures of Rick Adelman (fired) and Bonzi Wells (not re-signed) for ruining his "legacy as a King." He even managed to drag the Maloof brothers' mom into it.

"I was blinded by friendship. Even Mama Maloof [Colleen Maloof, Joe and Gavin's mother] told me she wanted me to stay. I never knew that meant one more year. I thought it meant several. When Mama [Maloof] talks, you listen, and it's a must you consider and take heed to what she is saying."

And you know, once you bring somebody's mom into a dispute, there's going to be a response. And here's what Kings co-owner Joe Maloof had to say:

"He has to balance the way he acts," Joe Maloof said by phone. "He's got to control his emotions a little better. You've got to try and keep your cool a little bit. Take a deep breath and quit flying off the handle with comments that don't make sense. I hate to say it that way, but that's how I feel. It doesn't make sense to me."

Uh, Joe, comments that don't make sense are Ron's specialty. You might as well ask him to stop breathing, eating and using the toilet. Or, you know, making trade demands.

Anyway, in his new "weekly sports blog" — we are not sure if something comes out weekly, it can be called a "blog" — Christie claims to be shocked, SHOCKED! that something as pure as the NBA could be shady.

Well, now we know why (if these allegations are true). It’s hard enough that you are facing the defending champs, hall of fame players and coaches, but you are also playing 5 on 8 (come on!). This is really disheartening. You work hard, play hard and it’s all bull. But, it’s what you see and the consumer believes it. Whoever “they” say are the “champs” are the “champs” (deserving or not). “They” are controlling the whole thing. What really makes me mad in the turn of events since then is the fact that these events have turned into what I consider a black balling of myself in the NBA!!

Christie then goes on to ramble about how no one in the NBA will hire him because of his wife. Whether that's true or not, uh, just the fact that the question is being asked would seem to be a problem, yes?

The World Of Doug Christie [MVN]

There's nothing I enjoy more than a good blog war. After Paul Pierce and a few of the other Celtics complained of cheap shots and trash talk by the host Sacramento Kings in their game on Wednesday, a couple of the teams' respective blogs started to go at it, and now we've got us a rasslin' match. First, The Celtics Blog called Sacramento "The Queens" in a headline, saying: The Celtics are a target again. Teams desperate for solutions will try anything they can to knock this team down. On this night, it didn't work. The Celtics held off the Queens and just waved good-bye to them. In the future, the C's will have to continue to maintain their focus and stick to playing superior basketball to keep winning games. Another good learning opportunity for this team that is growing stronger every day.

Counters Kings' blog Sactown Royalty: The world does not revolve around the Celtics. They are not a flock of untouchable clergymen. If they want flap their gums at Ron Artest and Francisco Garcia, they will receive gum-flapping in return. This was all just a really long way of pointing out the subtle reasons most of the country dislikes Boston sports fans. I really like CelticsBlog — I'd consider Jeff Clark a very good blogfriend. But when I see silly headlines like [The Queens Get Chippy], I want to punch someone in the nose. That moniker was stupid and played out in 2002. Analysis by gay joke is not remotely useful.

Clark then replies via e-mail: I admit, the use of that headline was probably in poor taste and maybe even out of character for me. It was just meant to be glib but I could see how it would offend or at least annoy people. I'll take a page from the athlete's guide to dealing with the media and say "If I offended anyone, I'm sorry." I simply read report after report this morning of how the Kings took a physical approach to the game and saw the coach quoted as saying that was pretty much the gameplan and I posted the quotes from those sources. If the newspapers got the facts wrong or misrepresented them, bad on them.

The Celtics beat the Kings 89-69. Then on Thursday, Boston invaded Seattle — in Ray Allen's return to his former home — and topped the Sonics 104-96 behind Paul Pierce's 37 points. And more good news for the Celtics; Kevin Garnett leads All-Star voting with 1,186,690 votes.

• Big Breakthrough. The Suns finally figured out how to stop a big man — in this case the Clippers' 7-footer, Chris Kaman — as Amare Stoudemire's 30 points and 15 rebounds led a 108-88 victory.

• Cleveland Somewhat Rocks. LeBron James managed 24 points, eight rebounds and seven assists to lead the Cavaliers past the Mavericks 88-81. Cleveland shot 36.4 percent from the floor, was 2-of-16 from the 3-point line and missed 10 free throws, which should tell you how well Dallas is playing.

• What Does He Charge For Just A Massage?. Quote of the week comes from Jason Williams of the Miami Heat, who is not thrilled with recent trade rumors. "We're like some high-paid prostitutes anyway in this league. They just use and get rid of us whenever they want."

• No God, Not That! As the new year approaches, it's time to count your blessings, NBA players. Enjoy what you have, because things could be much, much worse. Yes, this applies even if you play for the Knicks. Here is the proof.

This photo is fun to look at for several reasons — we particularly enjoy Scot Pollard — but seeing it reminded us that, man, the Kings used to be really good and awfully fun to watch. Those guys were awfully close. Alas.

The Kings Have Flava [Ballsiest]

(Worth noting that Sactown Royalty posted this first.)

Yeah, apparently Stern's had enough of gunshots and domestic violence. (And haven't we all?)

Jackson of the Golden State Warriors pleaded guilty last month to a felony count of criminal recklessness for firing a gun outside an Indiana strip club last fall, when he was with the Pacers. He was ordered to pay a $5,000 fine and perform 100 hours of community service.

Artest of the Sacramento Kings pleaded no contest in May to a misdemeanor domestic violence charge stemming from a March 5 dispute with his wife, the latest in a string of off-court problems.

And another thing: Why would you ever want Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson off at the same time? Isn't that just asking for more trouble? You gotta stagger that shit, Stern.

NBA Suspends Artest, Jackson For First 7 Games Of Next Season [Yahoo!]

Hey, why not? Robert Traylor played for a while. DC Sports Bog's Dan Steinberg digs into the soul and navel of the tubby sibling.

"They want me to be a guard, but I like playing like Barkley," he told me. "I'm fast enough to be a guard. Whenever I get the opportunity to play, you're gonna see how I play. I can jump and everything. I can hit the NBA three. I've been working on my whole game. We've been doing this for months. A lot of running, shooting drills. We'll shoot like 600 shots a day, every day, then we'll come back at nighttime and shoot up another two or three hundred more. I push [Ron] and he pushes me."

You know what? We want him to be a guard too. Desperately.

The NBA's Second Artest [DC Sports Bog]

In [the class], he said, he denied the entire existence — and human cause — of global warming. When asked for his take on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, Hawes said, "It's one big lie. I talked about that in my opening speech — it's the media's liberal overexaggeration of just about everything."

Though this probably puts him at odds with his new state's suddenly environmentally conscious governator, we appreciate his refreshing take on science and industry. All together now: We would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

Hawes Debunks Global Warming, Takes On Al Gore [Lion In Oil] (originally reported by SI.com)

It does seem odd, a bit, that Theus has an NBA head coaching job with only two previous positions: the Aggies and "Hang Time." But hey, one of our top Presidential candidates is being considered for the job because he looks presidential on a television show, so why should this be any different?

Sactown Royalty has the full scoop on the hire. He's no Bill Musselman, but hey, who is?

Sactown Royalty
Hang Time In Sacramento [The Pig Pen]
Reggie Theus Hired By Kings [NBA.com]

The call that the woman — and police are insistent on not giving out the name of the woman or her "relationship" to Artest, even though the cops have been to their house five times since August — made is largely scrambled and bewildering, with the woman making references to events that she assumes the 911 operator knows about. (She seems to have initially called 911 to complain that Artest is taking her car.) You can hear the call right here. We always feel for the 911 operator when we hear "celebrity" calls like this; they never know when they're gonna take a call that ends up with their voice on the news. Though we suppose we feel for the lady being slapped a bit more.

Artest 911 Call [CBS-13]

Placer County Sheriff's deputies have arrested Sacramento Kings' Ron Artest on domestic violence charges.

Deputies say they got a call from Artest's wife at 9:23 a.m. this morning. Deputies responded and arrested Artest. He was taken to the Placer County jail in Auburn. He's being charged with domestic violence and using force to prevent a victim from reporting a crime.

There's a press conference at 4 p.m. CT that should have all kinds of fun details, if "fun" is the word you want to use here. Considering it's Artest, we're going to assume he brought out the ole "You Can Suck My Balls" insult. That's destined to cause trouble, we hear.

Ron Artest Arrested [CBS13]
Five Little Words That Started It All [Deadspin]

With the NBA's trading deadline passed, Ron Artest finally felt it was safe to have his love for the Kings proclaimed boldly on the back of his head. He debuted the new look in last night's win over the Lakers.

I'm guessing that the Kings are okay with the style. Not only does it show his team spirit, but if he had to spend two hours sitting in a chair while having that done, then that's two hours he didn't spend ripping someone's face off.

I look forward to Artest getting bolder and bolder with these back-of-the-noggin proclamations as his career goes on. Right now, it's "Kings," but in time, I expect to see, "I Love Weed," "Socks Hasn't Eaten In A Week," and then all the lyrics from his "My World" album.

Artest makes name for himself in win vs. Lakers [MSNBC]

We understand that the mohawk is making a comeback — we guess — but now that Ron Artest has one, well, we're not really sure how to handle it. Some have said he looks like Mr. T, but, frankly, in this light, we think Grace Jones is the best parallel. And, in the grand scheme of things, that kind of makes sense. Yikes.

Ron Artest's Mohawk [Inside Hoops]

Anyway, Artest's album gets the SLAM review treatment, and they recount some of the great moments. HIghlights include:

• He talks about how he used to hit the liquor store at halftime of games. Which we totally understand.
• He says Matt Lauer "talks like a girl."
• There's a skit where Artest hosts a conference at the United Nations.
• Actual line: "I don't think I'm insane / I think the world is crazy."

Damn straight, Ron. DAMN STRAIGHT.

Music Review: Ron Artest's "My World" [SLAM Online]

• 1. He's The Hoff. Of all of Ron Artest's controversial actions, perhaps the most egregious of all: During his rookie season with the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City just to get an employee discount. Also, like David Hasselhoff, he is beloved in Germany.

• 2. Always With Him. Francisco Garc a's 19-year-old younger brother Hector was shot to death in an apartment complex in the Bronx in 2003. The night after the shooting, Garc a led Louisville with 24 points as the Cardinals beat Seton Hall. After the game, he flew home to attend the funeral. In his brother's memory, he taps his heart twice and then points to the sky in between his foul shots.

• 3. Gotta Support The Team. Maurice Taylor is not allowed to attend any Michigan home basketball games until 2012. Taylor, who played for the Wolverines, was accused of taking money from booster Ed Martin, somewhat tarnishing his college achievements. Taylor was in the stands in New York with another former Wolverine, Jalen Rose, to support the team during the 2006 NIT Final Four. And this isn't a "Mitch Albom says they're there" kind of "in the stands;" they were actually there.

• 4. Fifty-Five Years And Counting. The Kings began life as the Rochester Royals in 1945, then winning the National Basketball League title in 1946. In 1948, the Royals moved to the Basketball Association of America, which absorbed the NBL the following year to become the National Basketball Association. The Royals won the NBA title in 1951, which remains the only championship in the team's history. The Royals moved to Cincinnati in 1957 (you may recall Oscar Robertson), then to Kansas City, Missouri. Renamed the Kings (because of the Royals baseball franchise in the same community), the team initially divided its home games between Kansas City and Omaha, Nebraska. They moved to Sacramento in 1985, bit it is rumored that the owners, the Maloof brothers, want to move them again.

• 5. Lost In The Woods. Seven-foot-1, 245 pound center Loren Woods had been viewed as a lock to be a first round selection in the 2001 NBA draft, but slipped to the second round; some say due to his volattile personality. During the summer games following his selection, he fought with fellow 2001 draft pick Brendan Haywood.

Aside from the fact that we're surprised there is such as thing as a "Judge Mathis Community Center," we're also astonished that Artest is talking to kids without an NBA representative, or David Stern himself, standing within arm's length ready with a sock and some masking tape.

Exactly How Is The Community Served When Ron Artest Talks to Children? [TrueHoop]

[Bonzi] called me last week. I told him if he leaves, then I'm going to kill him. Unless he wants to die, he's got to stay (with the Kings).

Uh, yeah, so ... um, OK.

Artest Hits The Road And The Hardwood [Sacramento Bee]

• Lest we forget... Yesterday was a statement game for the Spurs, and that statement was, "Yes, Detroit is good, and yes, the Mavericks are a cute pick. But we can still do this."

I bet there were a lot of people who predicted a Mavericks Western Conference title who watched the first half of this game yesterday and thought, "Uh oh." Basketball just can't be played a whole lot better than that. The Spurs scored 73 points in the first half, and held Sacramento to 39, including 15 in the 2nd quarter.

• Hey, he doesn't know where Udonis Haslem's mouth has been... Unless you're at a Raiders game, you can't take something out of your mouth and throw it at someone. You just can't. It's not OK. Yet, that is what Udonis Haslem did last night. There was a loose ball under the bucket, he scrambled for it and ended up on the floor. He wanted a foul called, he didn't get it. Udonis reached into his mouth, took out his black mouthpiece and chucked it at the feet of referee Joey Crawford.

Crawford then ejected Haslem as if he'd been practicing it at home. He turned to Haslem, made a quick and violent motion for him to exit and yelled, "GET OUTTA HERE! GET!" The ESPN guys seemed to think that a suspension was likely, but word hasn't come down yet, so we'll see.

The good news for the Heat is that if the Bulls didn't win this game, when Haslem was thrown out, when Mourning didn't play, when Shaq wasn't getting a call, when Ben Gordon was on fire... then they're probably not going to win one.

• Sam's got a great personality, though... The Clippers thoroughly outplayed the Nuggets for about 40 minutes last night, until a certain point in the 4th quarter when it dawned on them that, holy fuck, they're the Clippers and they're in the playoffs.

The Nuggets came back and made it a tight game at the end, but the Clippers did escape with the win, and hopefully, learned that it's okay to win a playoff game. The most disturbing thing about it was the prolonged Jim Gray interview with Sam Cassell after the game, when the camera never left the close-up view of Sam for a solid 120 seconds. It's as if ESPN was trying to punish the viewer. Monday might be a busy day for our nation's therapists.

Here's a look at views from around the Web on the four Western Conference matchups.

Spurs vs. Kings
• Bill Simmons: Spurs in seven.
• Daily Quickie: Spurs in six.
• YAYSports!: Spurs in six.
• J.E. Skeets: Spurs in six.
• Gilbert's Arena: Spurs in seven.
• Complete Sports: Spurs in five.
• Chris Sheridan: Spurs in five.
• Deadspin: Spurs in five.

Suns vs. Lakers
• Bill Simmons: Lakers in six.
• Daily Quickie: Suns in five.
• YAYSports!: Suns in seven.
• J.E. Skeets: Suns in five.
• Gilbert's Arena: Suns in five.
• Complete Sports: Lakers in seven.
• Chris Sheridan: Suns in seven.
• Deadspin: Lakers in seven.

Nuggets vs. Clippers
• Bill Simmons: Clippers in six.
• Daily Quickie: Clippers in seven.
• YAYSports!: Clippers in seven.
• J.E. Skeets: Clippers in six.
• Gilbert's Arena: Clippers in six.
• Complete Sports: Nuggets in six.
• Chris Sheridan: Clippers in seven.
• Deadspin: Nuggets in seven.

Mavericks vs. Grizzlies
• Bill Simmons: Mavericks in four.
• Daily Quickie: Mavericks in five.
• YAYSports!: Mavericks in five.
• J.E. Skeets: Mavericks in five.
• Gilbert's Arena: Mavericks in four.
• Complete Sports: Mavericks in six.
• Chris Sheridan: Mavericks in six.
• Deadspin: Mavericks in four.

OK, bring it people. Let's hear 'em.

OK, who can name — without looking it up — the original franchise that eventually became the Sacramento Kings? No, the Cleveland Rebels is wrong. And now you've guessed the Gashouse Gorillas and are making a mockery of this question. So we'll just tell you: It was the Rochester Royals, which entered the National Basketball League in 1945. They then, of course, became the Cincinnati Royals (Oscar Robertson, anyone?), the Kansas City Kings, and then, in 1985, the Sacramento Kings.

Sacramento, the River City, commercial hub and departure point for the California Gold Rush ... now home to the loveable Ron Artest and the cuddly Arnold Schwarzenegger. Welcome to Crazytown, USA. Their basketball blogs are pretty sweet, though.

3. Kings Superfans. Mostly a news site until recently, when they began posting some strong original content.
2. It's Good to be the Kings. A reputation for great Kings analysis — which could be in jeopardy of the Artest acquisition proves to be a mistake.
1. Sactown Royalty. The potentate of Kings news on the Internet — one of our favorite NBA blogs.

Dishonorable Mention: Sacrameto Kings. Dude starts to create a blog, realizes he can't spell "Sacramento," gives up.

We have to say, all told, we think it would be funny if, in his very first game, Artest went crazy and ran in the stands and started punching people. Honestly, how great would that be?

The American Invasion [Sactown Royalty]

The trade that almost wasn't and finally is — Artest to the Kings for Peja Stojakovic — has seemingly delighted both NBA communities. Kings fans are loving the prospect of Artest in purple (not being able to wait for the real thing, they've already begun photoshopping). And they love being rid of Stojakovic. And this joy is only exceeded by that of Pacers fans, who are dancing in the their respective streets over being rid of Artest. Witness the evidence:

• "I can't think of a better Effing day. We have defense. We have a crazy bastard. We cant get any worse." —Joethecrow, Kings Talk Forum
• "I (HEART) Artest already." — Domesik, Kings Talk Forum
• "The team was hopeless. Ron represents hope. (Artest's debut) will maybe be the most noise of the year because people have been starved for something to get excited about." — Francisco, Kings Fans Forum
• "Artest has been made out to be a crazy liability, but I still like this move. If you hate Ron Artest, all the more power to you. I know lots of people with tempers. Relax Kings fans, it's all good." — It's Good to be the Kings
• "Ron Artest has been a cancer in this organization from the very beginning. This team, and possibly even the world, has revolved around Ron Artest long enough!" — Gisele in Indianapolis. Pacers.com
• "yup we get the better deal... I am glad this trade happened." Drain-O Real GM Pacers Forum
• "I am a transplanted Pacers fan and we are so happy to be rid of him. Ron Artest was a cancer to the Pacers organization. He is the Terrell Owens of the NBA." — caller on KNBR-680 radio San Francisco.

Well, someone is right, and someone is going to be proven a poor, tragic dope — probably within a week or so, if we must guess. But until then, can't we all just pull on our cozy, warm Mr. Rogers sweaters and enjoy the love?

Go Sell Crazy Someplace Else [Deadspin]

We always gave him a little Manny Ramirez-esque, he's-a-flake-whaddya-gonna-do? leeway, but after he turned down a trade to Sacramento yesterday simply because he "must also ensure that his family is happy and content as well," we don't think it's so cute anymore. In fact, it's just kind of depressing: For all the "he's just a sweet, confused kid" prattle over the last year, at the end of the day, Artest is just one more guy complaining about how he has to feed his family. (Apparently the rap community in Sacramento is lacking.)

He has essentially become Terrell Owens ... except occassionally he jumps into the stands and starts beating up fans. He'll probably end up in Sacramento, where in a year he'll stuff a cowbell up some poor bastard's can after a tough loss to the Blazers, and we'll jump through all these hoops one more goddamned time.

King Of Sacramento [The Mighty MJD]
Ron Artest And Queen [J.E. Skeets]

(By the way, who unpacked Jim Gray? Every time he pops up somewhere, like he did in "breaking" this story, we think he was just woken up from a months-long slumber, wiped his eyes and starts making bleary phone calls denying trade rumors. And isn't he employed by, like, six different networks right now? How does that work again?)

The Pistons, particularly coach Flip Saunders, were furious, and the Kings have officially apologized, with the Maloofs saying, "it's not us, and it's not the way we do things around here." (Cough.) We really can't imagine what would happen if they really do these lead-ins for every team. John Wayne Gacy photos for the Bulls? When Denver comes to town, do they show Kobe on the scoreboard? And, heck, they'd have all kinds of choices when NOOCH came to town.

Pistons Are Insulted By Kings [Detroit Free Press]

Much had been said in recent weeks about the apparent ridiculousness of having an NBA team in Oklahoma City — even the Hornets owner once said, "You've got to be kidding me. Do they have an arena?" — and there were fears this would be a season of empty arenas that more resembled the Old West. Hardly. Last night, 19,163 people showed up, as opposed to 17,250 for the New Orleans opener last year. Obviously, you can't expect that number to stay so high all year, but you can also think it won't drop as dramatically as it did in New Orleans (where, we might add, the team was failing).

We have a sneaking suspicion this will be the best moment for NOOCH all season, so let's enjoy it and celebrate it. Say it loud! Say it proud! NOOCH!

Oklahoma City's NBA Debut Better Than Expected [Ryan Welton]
Hornets Settle Into New Home [ESPN]
America's NBA Team: NOOCH! [Deadspin]