In a statement on the matter, Judge Bonnie Dumanis said the following:

After a thorough review of the investigation into the September 6, 2009 incident at the Poway home of Shawne Merriman, our office has determined there is insufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any crime was committed. This case is now closed. No further comment will be made.

Meanwhile, it's still utterly baffling to me that Tila Tequila actually called the cops on a man who'd bound and gagged her.

[Washington Post]

As you know, Merriman was arrested on Sunday morning after Tequila accused him of choking her and restraining her from leaving his house. Everyone went to their Twitter feeds to get the rest of the story and the couple delivered. For awhile. She temporarily went into hiding, but when Merriman quietly linked to his official prepared lawyer statement, she unleashed a flurry of accusations and defenses (before going back underground again.)

He says he was simply trying to keep her from driving drunk. She retorts that she is "allergic to alcohol" and doesn't drink. (The owner of the club where she was photographed grinding on Merriman earlier that evening says she is lying and was "visibly intoxicated." He added, "It sounds like she's allergic to the truth." Meow!) She helpfully pointed that steroids make Hulk angry and linked to an old USA Today article about Merriman's drug troubles. Merriman responded by asking for funny YouTube videos because he "needs to laugh." He even accepted moral support from a Bronco fan, so you know it's serious.

What does all this mean? Besides the fact that you shouldn't try to fight your legal and/or relationship battles on Twitter? Actually, that might be the only lesson here. I can't decide if these two should never speak again or if they should get married and broadcast their honeymoon on UStream. They are both perfect and terrible for each other.

Tila Tequila Speaks On Merriman via Twitter [BlackSportsOnline]
Tila Tequila's Twitter Attacks Not Best Idea [Gawker]
After arrest, San Diego Chargers' Shawne Merriman says he was protecting girlfriend Tila Tequila [NY Daily News]
Related: Denver Broncos' tight end Richard Quinn faces harassment charges [ESPN]

Merriman, who missed all but one game last season with knee problems, was arrested in front of his own home about 3:45 a.m. this morning after Tequila (sigh) accused him of choking her and restraining her when she tried to leave the house. She went to the hospital, he went to jail. Both have apparently been released.

The possibly roid-raged linebacker recently expressed admiration for Oregon's LeGarrette Blount and his sucker punching ways, stating "I want to punch a bunch of guys but i would never risk getting suspended and fined i love my $." Apparently, Merriman has not read the NFL's collective bargaining agreement, because the strictures against guy punching also include women. If you think drunk driving, shooting yourself in the leg, and dog murder are frowned upon, I'm sure Roger Goodell has been itching to take a very strong stand against domestic violence. Maybe Shawne is trying to see just how many games he can miss and still make the Pro Bowl.

Because Tequila and Merriman are both lunatics who are obsessed with Twitter, you can probably find more updates there in the near future. (Update: He posted a link to his statement, hers has been set to private.)

Chargers Star Accused of Choking Tila "Tequila" [NBC San Diego]
Chargers' Merriman arrested; battery of girlfriend alleged [San Diego Union-Tribune]
Shawne Merriman Popped For Choking Tila Tequila [Brooks]
NFL Star Accused of Choking Tila Tequila [TMZ]

UPDATE: TMZ has some crappy photos of them taken at a bar earlier in the evening. So that proves they know each other!

UPDATE 2: Merriman released a statement late on Sunday night, denying the accusations and pointing out that he has not been charged with a crime. The gist of his statement is that she was drunk, he was trying to keep her from leaving until a cab could pick her up, he did not actually choke or hurt her, and he was only arrested because of her "citizen's complaint." The implication of last point being that cops would not have arrested him, if she hadn't insisted. We'll see how the criminal case develops (if it does at all), but Merriman will likely play in Week 1 either way.

Some people are fans of the San Diego Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the San Diego Chargers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. WHAT? HUH? FUCK YOU! The only reason you don't hate the Chargers is because you've probably spent too much time hating the Patriots and Colts. If you sat down, took your time and studied this team, why you'd hate them nearly as much as I hate Frank Zappa's music. You've got fucking Marmalard, the Evangelical trash talker. You've got LaSulkysulk making like Jay Cutler on the bench. You've got proven roid users in Luis Castillo and the rapetastic Shawne Merriman. Wideout Vincent Jackson got a DUI. I think the Chargers get away with all this strictly because they have such awesome uniforms. They redesigned them, made the numbers look like lightning bolts and shit, and brought back those kickass white helmets. It's a good distraction to keep you from noticing Marmalard making like Ron Powlus and jawing at fans in the first three rows as he jogs into the tunnel at the half.

Worst of all, the core of this outfit has STILL yet to go to a Super Bowl, and likely never will. Every year I have to hear about how talented this team is, top to bottom, only to watch them piss away golden opportunity after golden opportunity. Chargers, you've had all the chances in the world to spare me from seeing the Colts, Steelers, or Pats in the Super Bowl. Yet you fail me time and again. Well, no more. This summer, once again, everyone's going, "The Chargers are LOADED!" Well, that just means your inevitable downfall will be even more embarrassing this go round. This team could go 15-1 in this division and still choke it all away quick and decisively in the divisionals. Even when this team pulls a playoff win out of its ass, it's because the goddamn punter rescued them from certain defeat. Save your playoff spot for a team that actually knows how to close the fucking deal. Assholes. From the Fouts era onward, no franchise has gotten more undue glory for not winning anything than the Chargers have.

2. NORVY!

3. And we go back to hating Berman once more. Natrone Means was a delightful running back with a solid nickname (The Natrone Bomb), but all that was RUINED by Berman when he decided to dub him Natrone "Refried" Means, and then redub him Natrone Means "Business". Then Berman would make those weird bashing noises over footage of Means hitting the line. And suddenly, a very likable running back became someone I wished pale death upon. If Chris Berman likes you, that means I hate you forever.

4. In fact, fuck that whole '94 Chargers squad. There are teams you really wish had never made the Super Bowl. The '98 Falcons. The '85 Patriots. Teams that entered into the Super Bowl with no legitimate shot of winning, or even of keeping it close. And the Chargers fit that bill perfectly. We could have had Steelers-Niners that year. We could have watched Steve Young LOSE the Super Bowl, resigned to a tortured existence with no ring and only the big words he uses on TV to comfort him. But nooooo, we got Stan Humphries and the gang. God, that game was awful. I was so bored, I drank too much Jack and threw up all over my stomach in the dorm common room. Fun night.

5. The readers have their say. From reader Jake:

I had a roommate who came to and from San Diego and dated someone from San Diego and he was the biggest cocksucker ever. Cheap, fucking douchebaggery, everything.

And Jack O. (JackO?)

I moved to San Diego 7 years ago when the Chargers were mediocre at best and home games were being blacked out. The team has steadily improved since then and when members of the Charger organization are not getting suspended for steroids, busted for DUI, or shot by off duty police officers, they are busy making languid exits from the playoffs year after year. The worst part of Charger fandom has nothing to do with the gameday experience but any talk about a new stadium. For those not close to the situation, Chargers ownership basically wants the same Tijuana smash-n-grab deal that the Padres got for a new stadium a decade ago. If you ever bring up the fact that giving a billionaire NFL team owner a billion dollar welfare check for his billion dollar team, just so that he can charge PSLs and $6 for a pretzel, you better be ready to defend your intelligence, sexuality, and most likely, your physical person. The myopia is as abundant as lifted trucks, smog, freeway congestion, and road rage, which is why they'll end up in LA.

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better. I'll throw any good material into the post and give you proper credit. We've got the AFC West, AFC North, and AFC East to go.

• Steel Curtain Decends To Host AFC Title Game. All of that makes this report from NFL.com’s Adam Shaefter more intriguing. The league web site approved insider claims that there’s a legitimate chance that the Chargers could try to move Tomlinson this offseason to avoid the sizable cap hits his contract will bring. To wit, that’s worth nearly $9 million next season. That money would be more than enough to lock up both Sproles and quarterback Philip Rivers, which will almost certainly give the storyline more legs. [Sports by Brooks]

• What Is Domination? This is. The Steelers gutted the Chargers yesterday in the final playoff game of the weekend. The conference championship rounds are set, Philadelphia/Arizona and Baltimore/Pittsburgh. If defense wins championships, I think the deck is stacked for whomever wins the AFC to win the Super Bowl. Not to sleep on Philadelphia's defense, but it is no comparison to Baltimore or Pittsburgh's tenacious D. [Deuce Of Davenport]

• Playoff Chaos? Blame Realignment. Blame the realignment of 2002, which broke the league into eight four-team divisions. The realignment gave us situations like the one we've had here in 2008, when a 12-4 team (Indy) has to go on the road to face an 8-8 team (San Diego), while an 11-5 team (New England) that beat a 9-7 title-game contender (Arizona) by 40 points just a few weeks ago sits at home and watches it all unfold. [Cold Hard Football Facts]

• What Do You Do With A Ratbird Hat? OK, here's the situation I was in. I'll tell you what happened and what I did, and then I want to hear your comments about what you would do in the same situation. Titans vs Ratbirds, it's halftime with the score tied 7-7, and I go to the facilities. After taking care of business, I'm heading out the door behind some real stupid-looking goofus dressed in fugly purple and he drops something on the floor... [Total Titans]

• All Aboard The Purple Express, Redskins Fans. I know that you hate us, and there’s no way I can convince you to do otherwise. But if you think about it, the Baltimore Ravens are your best chance at peace with the remainder of the football season. [Stet Sports Blog]

• One Of These Probably Cost Us The Game... Choose Wisely Edition. Jeff Fisher on the blown delay of game call on the crucial 3rd down: "I've always maintained that there's a human element in the game as far as officiating is concerned. There are going to make mistakes; it is part of our game,'' Fisher said. "But this particular mistake was unacceptable. There is no excuse for it, it was a mistake, and it was a costly mistake." Peter King gives some inside scuttle-butt about the D.O.G. and what rules may change in reaction to what happened Saturday. [Music City Miracles]

• Pathetic, They Almost Looked As Bad As Denver. San Diego must have listened to everyone picking the Steelers because it looked like they bought into the whole bullcrap “Steelers mystique.” At least the defense made some decent plays, but they also gave up some critical yardage and first down conversions. I won’t mention the lousy officiating by Bill Leavy and crew. [San Diego Chargers]

• Big Ben Should Get Concussed Every Week. See David Brent there? That was me during the second half. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. [Heels Sox And Steelers]

Yes, it's the rematch of the greatest gambling moment of the season, when a completely pointless and boneheaded video replay review created a $64 million dollar exchange of money. That's why they call it gambling, folks!

Of course, nothing like that could ever happen in the playoffs! Sports is a bastion of integrity and forthrightness and this game will surely demonstrate heretofore unseen levels of sportsmanship and fair play. And stationary bike riding.

P.S. I hope you like stories about Pennsylvania!

• When To Say When . Ben Roethlisberger is not brave. Ben Roethlisberger is a moron. Any doctor who clears him to play is a moron. Any coach who sends him out to play is a moron. Any writer, TV pundit, former player, or fan who cheers him while he plays is a moron. Ben Roethlisberger's career as a professional football player should be over. Today. [OT]

• Keep Ray Ray Out Of The Limelight Club. About the only thing Steve McNair could do to ruin his legendary standing with most Titans fans is hold a pep-rally for the Ravens this weekend, and that's exactly what a Baltimore radio station is saying is going to happen Saturday at the Limelight club just a few blocks form LP Field. Keep in mind though that radio stations are known to fudge these kinds of things, and McNair's agent and manager deny that he would ever even consider such a thing. [Music City Miracles]

• Pittsburgh Has Some Fine Lookin' Women. A thought occurred to me last week when NBC chose to zoom in on the San Diego Charger Girls silicone-enhanced bustlines every time a SD player so much as downed a punt. I said to myself, “Damn, they got some fine lookin’ women out there in Cali.” Which momentarily made me sad because we have fine lookin’ women here in the ‘Burgh. However, with the absence of cheerleaders, the rest of the country is probably blissfully unaware of our Polish uber-vixens. [Nice Pick Cowher]

• Look At The Size Of That Boy's Head. Well, in a completely unsurprising development, Big Ben has made his bulbous head the main story heading into the playoffs. Between the broken toes (that weren't really broken according to Cowher), to the Thumb Gate to the latest news that his GINORMOUS head won't fit in the team-issued helmet ... well, let's just say I could do without the media coverage that will surely follow this story. [Heels Sox And Steelers]

• Remember The Last Time We Went To Tennessee For A Playoff Game?. The last time the Ravens visited Nashville for the playoffs, the situation was earily similar. The Titans were the #1 overall seed and the Ravens came in as a Wild Card. The Titans were favored and the Ravens put perhaps one of the original Baltimore Beatdowns on them 24-10, on their way to their Super Bowl Championship. The Ravens were also the first visiting team to ever defeat the Titans in what was their new home at the time. Therefore, being the visitor there this weekend does not faze me in the least. [Baltimore Beat Downs]

It happened in Clairemont just after 2:30 a.m., as Jackson was headed east on state Route 52 near Interstate 805, for all of you Marpquest enthusiasts. Jackson was driving a 2008 GMC Sierra. Jackson, who was booked into county jail and released, faces the misdemeanor DUI allegations as well as charges that he was driving on probation for a prior DUI.

Then, this very odd quote from Chargers general manager A.J. Smith:

Though Jackson was held without a catch in Saturday night's wild-card victory over the Indianapolis Colts, Smith called him a true professional and ultimate team player the next day.

"Vincent gave 100 percent effort every snap all night," Smith said. "Every route was to perfection. He never pouted, never displayed frustration. You win championships with players like Vincent Jackson."

Slightly different from what my high school football coach told me whenever I was held without a catch: "Chandler, be sure to separate the whites from the colors before taking all these bins to the laundry."

Wide Receiver Jackson Arrested For DUI [San Diego Union Tribune]

To get the obvious ones out of the way: How is Philip Rivers left out? He has the league's highest passer rating and is tied for the most touchdown passes. So the Chargers are having a bad year; all the more reason to pick him. Isn't that what the game is for? And Matt Ryan is also left out, but Brett Favre is in? Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?

More snubs here, in a pretty good article by the Boston Sports Examiner. Rivers is showing up on most snub lists, as is Cardinals linebacker Karlos Dansby (pictured).

Second in popularity to the Pro Bowl snub conversation is the it's-time-to-abolish-the-Pro-Bowl conversation. It's foolish to risk injury in this game, and half these guys don't show up; you're going to end up with Chad Pennington on the AFC roster anyway. Discuss.

Who Are The Biggest Pro Bowl Snubs? [Boston Sports Examiner]
Forget T.O., Bradie's The One With A Legit Gripe [Ft. Worth Star-Telegram]
Getting It Wrong: Top 10 Pro Bowl Snubs [The Sporting News]
Biggest Pro Bowl Snubs [SI.com]

Come with Mike now as he attends the gala screening event with his wife at the San Diego Public Library (yes, that's where it was held). Among other things, he waited in line to get in behind a woman in a Ryan Leaf Chargers jersey, which she had purchased for her son, who had given it back to her. Also at one point Mike compares the film to an episode of Rescue 911. But I'll let him tell you himself.

First off, full disclosure...I live in San Diego currently but I'm from Indianapolis and a Colts fan. So the prospect of seeing a Ryan Leaf biopic was sort of intriguing to me, if only to pat my 'fan ego' on the back and confirm that the Colts made the right choice with Manning.

My wife tagged along (I'd like to take the time to apologize to her), and we arrived about 45 minutes before showtime, mainly because I didn't know what to expect as far as crowd size. I thought there would either be a huge line out the door, or we'd be at the front of the line. Being that this was a Ryan Leaf biopic, it was clearly the latter. We immediately got in line behind a woman wearing a Leaf jersey. She explained that she bought it for her 12 year old son in '98 when Leaf was drafted. The son used to wear the jersey constantly, she said, preferring it over a Seau jersey. I didn't have a response to that.

The "theater," which was really a lecture room situated on the 3rd floor of the San Diego library, filled up nicely with probably around 150 people. The movie kicked off and I initially thought, 'OK, it's kind of a mockumentary' with actors portraying Charger fans and sports writers. Not only were they unable to get Ryan Leaf to appear in this movie, apparently they couldn't get any actual fans to stoop that low. Then the movie veered towards documentary territory when they started interviewing San Diego Union Tribune writer Jay Posner about his spat with Leaf in the Chargers locker room. These documentary style segments were the best parts of the film. Hugh Douglas appears as "Himself" a couple of times, sitting in a bar discussing how one of the highlights of his career was sacking Leaf 4 times in one game.

It was clear that the director/writer/lead actor, Tim Carr, couldn't lock down any rights to use NFL licensed footage. This led to some very awkwardly acted, "Rescue 911" or "Unsolved Mysteries" style re-enactments. In fact, there's only about 30 seconds of footage that actually shows Ryan Leaf, and all of that was from his Washington State days. I found myself thinking, if this were a 60 minute NFL Films production, I'd probably be really into it. However, 82 minutes of Carr's production was too much, and people started walking out after about 45 minutes.

This will probably not make it to a theater screen near you, and if you see it on Netflix someday, I'd suggest staying away, unless of course you're a Ryan Leaf fan. In which case, you probably already enjoy inflicting pain upon yourself.

Leaf's Notorious Legacy Gets Celluloid Debut [San Diego Union Tribune]

Carr, a Woody Allen fan who has acted himself — he had the role of "Robert's friend" in Rocky Balboa — will not actually be at tonight's 6:30 p.m. screening. He's busy re-editing the ending of Leaf to incorporate his subject's resignation as an assistant coach at West Texas A&M. Yes, that West Texas A&M.

From the San Diego Union Tribune:

“I put myself in the San Diego fans' spot so many times because I'm a huge sports fan and I love my team like San Diego loves their team,” Carr, a diehard Philadelphia Eagles fan, said by phone from his home in Delaware. “I think when they see it, they might get on me for maybe taking it easy on him, although I assure you I didn't – we throw everything in – but the way we kind of left it was so people can kind of make their mind up: Maybe he redeemed himself; maybe he moved beyond this."

On the free screening:

"I insisted it be free for all the Chargers fans because it's their story," Carr said. "I was like, 'Chargers fans have been through enough — let them have this.'"

Is the actual Ryan Leaf in the movie? Um, no. Carr said that he had several phone conversations with him about appearing in a cameo, but that the conversations “got progressively less cordial.”

The screening is at 6:30 tonight at the San Diego Library, 820 E Street, third-floor auditorium. Best Deadspin reader report will win a bunch of stuff I have lying around my office, including a somewhat-official Ryan Leaf Chargers jersey.

Yes, It's True, Ryan Leaf's Life Has Been Turned Into A Movie. Tim Couch Is Now Waiting For His Big Screen Deal [The Play In California]
Leaf It To Hollywood [San Diego Union Tribune]
Tim Carr's MySpace Page

One thing the National Football League is definitely not talking about is the whole point spread issue. As one astute reader even pointed out to us, an AP story about the game that appeared on NFL.com was exactly like the AP story that appeared every where else in the world, with just one minor omission.

"The call affected betting on the game since the Steelers were 5-point favorites and would have covered if the touchdown counted."

That was the last sentence of the story as written, but we guess NFL.com had space constraints or something because it was cut from the version that appeared on their website. Problem solved!

So that was quietly swept under the rug, but the league is loudly considering an actual substantive change based on the referee's blown call. There has been talk about changing the replay rules (before the playoffs start) to allow officials on the field to go back and consult with the replay booth more than once per challenge. That way both zebra crews will have an extra opportunity to properly screw things up.

But at times like these, it's important to consider the real heroes who have been most affected by these trying times—the bookies. Maybe you're not sympathetic to their plight, but that's probably because your bookie is a heartless thug who steals your soul as he picks your pocket and not an adorable stay-at-home mom who smells like fresh chocolate chip cookies and runs a sports book out of her kitchen. Yes, Bookie Mom—the world's best bet-taking recipe-sharing video-blogger—was quite pleased with how things worked out. And gracious in victory, too.

She's definitely my new favorite MILTPATTPW (Mom I'd Like To Place A Three-Team Parlay With).

• Bookie Mom [Bookiemom.com]
• Referee says officials errantly voided Steelers TD [AP/Yahoo]
• Referee says officials errantly voided Steelers TD [AP/NFL]
• Clearing Up The San Diego Chargers/Pittsburgh Steelers End Of Game Issues [Sports Agent Blog]
• NFL Might Modify Replay Procedure [Washington Post]
• A Bad Beat for Chargers-Steelers [ESPN]
• REFS MAKING ALL RIGHT CALLS? DON'T BET ON IT [Free Lance-Star]

Hey ... that's why they call it gambling, right? But when you look a little closer at the situation from Vegas' perspective, there does seem to be an unpleasant odor in the air.

"An estimated 100 million dollars was wagered worldwide on the Pittsburgh/San Diego game, according to RJ Bell of Pregame.com. Approximately 66% of that money was on the Steelers; with only 34% on the Chargers.

"If the touchdown was properly upheld, Steelers bettors would have won about 32 million dollars instead of losing big. This admittedly incorrect call resulted in a 64 million dollar swing in favor of the bookies." [Emphasis added.]

Of course, in the fantasy world of NFL-related telecasts gambling does not exist, so this point will likely go mostly unchallenged on your TV screens this week. (Bob Costas did mention the betting line in passing on Sunday Night Football, but I did not see that. Anyone have a clip?) Plus, the reversal meant the first 11-10 final score in the entire history of the NFL. Surely that makes up for the two large you owe your bookie, right?

Bookies Win Millions, Bettors Lose on Bad Steelers Call [Pregame.com]
If the NFL Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It [Stock Lemon]
Point Spread Talk Taboo on Broadcasts; Nantz and Costas Avoid the “G”-word* [Scott's Shots]

UPDATE: So apparently this controversy is so great that ESPN pretty much has no choice but to at least acknowledge the impact this call had on the betting world. But very carefully. Listen as Hannah Storm and Josh Elliott play dumb in order to appease The Goodell. Come on, Josh!

More fun with this screen capture here, and I'm sure there will be more as the day goes on.

As for the Chargers, they still have issues on defense to be sure. But you have to start somewhere, and right now 1-2 is a very welcome sight for Norv Turner Overdrive Featuring Philp Rivers. A loss here and they might as well have been the Raiders. Drawback: That guy with LaDainian Tomlinson on his fantasy team will be insufferable today.

Big Monday Night Of Firsts For Chargers (1-2) [NBCSports]
Surely You Jets [Rangelife]

I'm getting hundreds of emails – hate mail – but I'm responding to it all. People deserve a response.

You can rest assured that nothing anyone can say can make me feel worse than I already feel about my mistake on the fumble play. You have no idea . . .

Affecting the outcome of a game is a devastating feeling. Officials strive for perfection – I failed miserably. Although it does no good to say it, I am very, very sorry.

Ed Hochuli

If that's true, that's kind of disturbing. It's also a little creepy given all of the reports about Hochuli being "devastated" by this to such a degree. I picture him quietly sitting in his law office, hugging a dumbbell, whistle around his neck, waiting for the next angry email to come through.

NFL Graded Down After Blown Call in Denver [AP]
Chargers fans still looking to throw flag on NFL [San Diego Tribune]