It was the AL West in '94, a season cut short on Aug. 12 when players went on strike. The A's were in the thick of the pennant race that year, one game out of first place. The Rangers were leading the division despite being 10 games below .500 at 52-62, and the rest of the pack included the 49-63 Mariners and 47-68 Angels. The division's winning percentage was .437, the lowest in history. The second-lowest winning percentage is .452, held by your 2008 NL West, barely ahead of the 2002 AL Central (.453), which featured the 106-loss Tigers and 100-loss Royals.

The five worst wining percentages ever:

• .437 - 1994 AL West

• .452 - 2008 NL West

• .453 - 2002 AL Central

• .454 - 1999 AL Central

• .457 - 2003 AL Central

The NL West, which still has two months to right itself, already looks better than it did on July 24, when all five teams were sub-.500. The Diamondbacks won six of seven since then, and the Dodgers reached .500 last weekend for first time since May 30.

Well, we knew the Giants were going to be bad, and the Padres are the Padres. But what's up with the Rockies, and especially the Diamondbacks, the latter whom a certain MSNBC TV host picked to make it to the World Series? Surely you can't blame their spectacular fail on injuries to Troy Tulowitzki and Eric Byrnes.

Westward Woe [SFGate]

This just in: Barry Zito's Fathead poster is now 80 percent off. Originally $99.95 — back when our hero signed a $126 million contract to come to the Giants from the Athletics — you can now have his enormous decal on your wall for $19.95. Should go well with your Latrell Sprewell comforter and your Mickey Rourke action figures.

If we had a screen shot of that laptop:

• "To my brother, I leave my Pokemon cards, and all my Hellboy comic books ..."

• "So in conclusion, screw you Mr. Zito, you big retarded piece of ..."

• "You have ignored my emails for the final time, Hannah Montana. My retribution will be swift but powerful ..."

• Indeterminate Harry Potter slash fiction

Barry Zito's Fathead Poster Is On Clearance [Home Run Derby]

Ironically only the second-weirdest play in the outfield in the majors on Friday, Rowand barehanded the carom out of Lewis' glove for the out. The Giants went on to lose to the Dodgers however, 10-7.

For reviving the lost art of backing up a teammate in the outfield, Wizard Cat gives this play: Seven wands.

Giants Highlights [MLB.com]
A-Rod Receives Most Votes; Red Sox, Cubs Fill Up All-Star Rosters [CBS Sportsline]

Actually, Petey is part of a new marketing campaign for a Minnesota-based health care company called HeathPartners, who refer to him as "a friendly, light-hearted character that creates a buzz wherever he goes." I'm glad ... I would hate to encounter a bitter, pissed off walking urine cup.

Petey P. Cup even has a Facebook profile, which says he enjoys watching "Grey's Anatomy," listening to Coldplay and assisting with urinalysis, drug testing and pregnancy tests. Just six friends so far, though.

OK, you got me. It's really Jose Canseco in the costume.

HealthPartners Unveils Offbeat Ad Mascot [MinnPost.com, via Dave Barry Blog]

Here's the thing though: Zito didn't suck (loud crash as you drop whatever that is that you were holding). He began with three scoreless innings, and finished with five innings pitched, giving up three hits, two earned runs and two walks, with five strikeouts. Xavier Nady had a two-run homer in the fourth; did you know he leads the NL in RBIs? Dumatrait, by the way, went 5 2/3 scoreless innings for the win, so congratulations to all of you who have him on your fantasy teams. *Crickets.* But Zito; light at the end of the tunnel. I know he can win a game if we all believe. Clap your hands if you believe!

• His Mob Name Is Joey Three Times. Remember this day, my friends, as the day that The Big Red Machine returned to Cincinnati. The Reds hit seven homers — three by Joey Votto — to claim a 9-0 win over the Cubs. The seven home runs broke the Reds' team single-game record at Great American Ball Park, and it's the most the Reds have hit in a game since setting the NL record with nine in Philadelphia on Sept. 4, 1999. Four of them came in the fourth off of Jon "Danger: Flammable Contents" Lieber.

• Bring Back The Sex Doll Shrine. Carlos Gomez hit for the cycle, which last happened to a Twins player a mere 22 years ago when Kirby Puckett did it. Livan Hernandez took a shutout into the ninth, and the Twins beat the White Sox 13-1. By the way, a friend of mine who saw the shrine said it was nothing bad, and that the only reason there was a controversy was because the Toronto media was determined to make make a big deal out of it. Beanball war! I hope the two teams harbor no ill feelings toward one another.

• Battle Of Unbeatens Results In One Being Beaten. Cleveland's Cliff Lee — the anti-Zito — improved to 6-0 in six total starts, handing Chien-Ming Wang his first loss in a 3-0 decision over the Yankees. Fun fact I learned from a blog named CastroTurf: Lee (0.81 ERA) is working on a streak of 28 consecutive innings without giving up a walk, which is the longest streak in the majors.

• Your Eephus Pitch Update. Today's victim of the eephus pitch is David Ortiz (actually Tuesday, I think). Enjoy.

The single digit protruding from his glove certainly looks like Gorzelanny may be sending a message to the umpire, the Phillies, the entire NL, or perhaps to Pirates' fans, who may be getting frustrated with the team's 10-15, last-place start. Pirates spokesman Jim Trdinich tries to explain. Meanwhile, I would invest in one or two of the dolls over at eBay, before the price goes up. It would be a nice companion piece to this in your collection.

• Zito To Watch Games From The Outfield For A Spell. With the Giants' Barry Zito being demoted to the bullpen on Monday, it's going to be a while probably until we're able to see that "I just got rocked" expression that we've all come to know and love from our favorite $126 million starter. Fortunately, Big League Stew over at Yahoo has quite a collection of those precious moments, which they share with you here. As Stew points out, at $18 million per season, Zito is the most expensive reliever in the majors, beating out Mariano Rivera by $3 million. He is also only the third pitcher ever to start 0-6. The sad thing is that the Giants would be having a strong season if Zito were decent; at 12-15 they're hardly the '62 Mets that everyone had predicted. On Monday Matt Cain broke his 10-game winless streak, 4-0 over the Rockies; SF's fourth win in six games.

• Red Bull Gives Him Wings. Something about being back in Oakland has rendered Frank Thomas lighter than air; as nimble as a forest creature. On Monday he tripled for the first time in six years (oxygen! Medic! Cough!), collecting three hits against former teammate Jon Garland, as the Athletics took the AL West lead from the Angels with a 14-2 win.

• 'The Game Has Been Called Due To The Drought'. The Orioles could have pulled ahead in the East, but instead there is a three-way tie for first. That's due to Monday's Baltimore-Chicago game ending after 11 innings, 3-3, due to inclement weather. The game will resume at the beginning of the 12th inning later this season, but no date was set. All the statistics from Monday count, including homers by Chicago's Juan Uribe and Baltimore's Ramon Hernandez.

• Arizona Mathematically Clinches NL West. Will rest starters for playoffs beginning Wednesday.

Zito was staked to a 3-0 lead over the Diamondbacks and of course lost it — pitcher Brandon Webb adding to the torment by crushing a two-run double — lasting only 3 2/3 innings in Arizona's 5-4 victory. And so, as any schoolchild knows, Webb is now 5-0 and Zito 0-5, making that oven look like a mighty inviting place for manager Bruce Bochy to lay his weary head. Zito, who has legally changed his middle name to "Tweak My Mechanics," now has an ERA of 5.61. Hey, there's only five years remaining on his $126 million contract, so there's nowhere to go but up! Here's how the McCovey Chronicles views the situation. And one of their commenters chimes in with this. Nice. Oh, that Zito quote, as told to the Chronicle:

"We came out and we capitalized on Webb's mistakes. They gave me a lead of 3-0, and I feel like shit. I let them back in the game. I gave them two runs in a shutdown inning, and then I went out in the fourth and gave up a hit to Webb."

Webb still isn't hitting .130, but his five wins match the total of the Giants' starting rotation. He allowed three runs and nine hits over six innings, striking out seven. The Diamondbacks are 15-5 and lead the NL West by six games. They never led by more than five in winning the division last season.

• Mystery Science Theater 3000. John Smoltz became the first player in baseball history to receive a congratulatory text message on getting his 3,000th career strikeout — it came from BFF Greg Maddux, LOL — but the Braves still lost to the Nationals 6-0. Smoltz is now No. 16 on the list. Willie Harris' RBI double in the second gave the Nationals a 1-0 lead, and John Lannan got the win.

• A Royal Ass-Kicking. Troubled by lackluster sales of their team calendar, the Kansas City Royals surrendered to C.C. Sabathia and the Indians, 15-1, on Tuesday. Sabathia had 11 strikeouts and was supported by 17 hits, led by Casey Blake, who was 4-for-4 with 6 RBI.

• Dustin Time, I Found You Dustin Time. Josh Beckett was scratched just before game time with a stiff neck, but the Red Sox won their sixth straight anyway, 7-6 over the Angels. Dustin Pedroia had a tiebreaking, run-scoring double in the eighth. Still, all of that is no excuse for this very disturbing image. Nightmare Fuel tag ... activate!

• Pitch Perfect. Shall we exult over the Pirates' win? Yes, let's. It's not often that one of their pitchers isn't used for batting practice, but Paul Maholm was not to be trifled with on Tuesday, holding the Marlins to one run and four hits over six innings in a 3-2 win.

But back to the Snakes. If there is one team that has the potential to wrap up its division race by June, it's the Diamondbacks. At 11-4, they're three up on second-place San Diego, the largest margin in the majors. Webb — the only four-game winner in the majors — was brilliant (I was there; and even though seated pretty far away, that sinker is impressive). Giants' hitting coach Carney Lansford: "He's a good pitcher, but if you make him get his sinker up you can hit him. You have to execute your game plan and not chase so many pitches out of the zone. You just can't do that. You've got to be disciplined against a pitcher like that." And Lansford knows what he's talking about; he's one of only 12 players who has played in both the Major League World Series (1988, '89, '90) and the Little League World Series (1969). Webb had a two-run single for the Diamondbacks, and Eric Byrnes had a run-scoring double. To recap: Webb, 4-0, 1.86 ERA, 22 strikeouts, eight walks, 2008 salary: $5.5 million; Zito, 0-4, 4.50 ERA, eight strikeouts, nine walks. 2008 salary: $14.5 million.

• Anyone Aware That The Yankees Played The Red Sox? Alex Rodriguez hit his 522nd home run to pass Ted Williams and Willie McCovey for 15th place on the career list, as the Yankees beat the Red Sox 15-9. It was the most runs for the Yankees at home vs. the Red Sox since 1954, and took 4 hours, 8 minutes to complete. New York outhit Boston 16-14. Here are the rest of the gory details, or just tune in to ESPN, which is still talking about it.

• This Meeting Of The Gil Meche Fan Club Will Come To Order. Freakin' Royals. Gil Meche got his first win, 3-2 over the Angels, as KC remained a half-game behind first-place Chicago in the Central. Billy Butler and Alex Gordon had run-scoring singles in the first, and Joey Gathright scored on Jered Weaver's error in the second.

• Orare Pro Me Ad Dominum Deum Nostrum. Amen. Cardinals win! Oh sorry, not those Cardinals. (Bishops?) Anyway, while the Pope was watching the Mets beat the Nationals 5-2 in D.C. (you couldn't drag him away from the chili nachos on the concourse level), Adam Wainwright proved that he, too was infallible. Wainwright went seven-plus innings and homered as St. Louis topped Milwaukee 5-4. CORRECTION: The Pope was at Nationals Stadium; the game was at Shea. He still went crazy with the nacho cheese pump.

• The Bridge To C.C. Sabathia. Edgar Renteria had a grand slam and Miguel Cabrera homered and had five RBI as the Tigers won their third straight, 13-2 over Cleveland and starter C.C. Sabathia. Good thing I didn't write them off or anything.

Despite a rather comical semi-slide into third by Fred Lewis on a triple (the Giants had a triple!), all went well on Thursday for the home team. Kevin Correia became the latest starter to turn in a decent effort, going 7 2/3 innings and giving up five hits, taking a shutout into the eighth. Giants pitchers actually had a 19-inning scoreless streak going before Troy Glaus doubled home a run for the Cardinals in the ninth. Getting in on the fun have been Tim Lincecum (six innings, seven hits, seven strikeouts) and Jonathan "Dirty" Sanchez (six innings, three hits, 10 strikeouts). That's going to be the recipe for any kind of success the Giants are going to have, because it sure ain't going to come at the plate. Although, Lewis doubled, tripled and scored twice on Thursday. And before the game, he was fined $12 for wearing his black uniform belt with a blue suit a night earlier. That's the type of shenanigans which did not occur when Bonds occupied his leather clubhouse Barcalounger. Proving that as far as team chemistry goes, the Giants are no longer Breaking Bad.

• Oops, Tigers Lose Again. Perhaps rendered overconfident by their dazzling one-game winning streak, Detroit resumed sucking on Thursday, 12-6 to the Red Sox. For those of you keeping score in your mother's basement, the Tigers are now 1-8. Neo-third baseman Kevin Youkilis had two RBI and scored two runs and Sean Casey had two hits and two RBI for Boston. Hey, who's excited about the big Yankees-Red Sox series this weekend? Anyone? Um, anyone?

• Bringing His A Game. Travis Buck, whom I believe was played by Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy, won it with a two-run double in the 12th as the Athletics beat the Blue Jays 3-2. Exciting! Buck had three hits and three RBI as Oakland swept the three-game series and won its seventh straight in Toronto. Buck had started the season 0-for-22.

• Marlin Lands Human. Your first-place Florida Marlins won on Thursday when left fielder Josh Willingham robbed the Nationals' Nick Johnson of a game-tying homer in the ninth by leaping above the fence and pulling the ball back onto the field. It popped out of his glove and went for a run-scoring double, but Florida held on to win.

• Who Ordered The Code Red? Ex-Brewer Francisco Cordero was booed lustily by the Milwaukee crowd when he came on in relief in the ninth, then proceeded to put his four-year, $46 million contract into action by retiring Prince Fielder (pop out), Ryan Braun (strikeout) and Bill Hall (groundout) to end the game. Reds win, 4-1.

The Big Merkin responded by throwing two scoreless innings with four strikeouts, before giving way to Jack Taschner for one inning and then Lincecum, who pitched four innings, giving up a run and striking out four to get the win (sitting through an hour rain delay in the process). Lincecum even got a single — and was later driven in by Randy Winn — and is hitting 1.000. I was criticized for not mentioning Lincecum in the Giants preview, and with good reason; according to readers he leaves his home each morning by rolling a giant rock from the entrance. He was brought here to give his life for us, and take upon himself our sins. Hallelujah, the Giants win! Coincidentally, Jesus himself was also 1-2 after his first three games.

Hmmm, Merkin. I've just had an idea for as fantastic new Giants costumed mascot!

• O Brother, Where Art Thou? Mets fans will be shocked to learn that Pedro Martinez is on the disabled list — who had April 2 in the pool? — due to a pulled hamstring. He'll be out 4-6 weeks. New York shrugged at the news and beat the Marlins 13-0, collecting 17 hits, with three doubles by Carlos Beltran. That's 3.3 innings pitched for Pedro this season, folks, to go along with his combined totals for 2006 and '07 of 160 IP and a 12-9 record.

• It's Good To Be Back In The US Of A. Jon Lester threw a three-hitter over 6 2/3 and David Ortiz had a two-run homer as the Boston Ham Fighters defeated the Oakland Toyo Carp 5-0. This is how Boston is bringing in its relief pitchers from the bullpen this season, by the way.

• A-Rod Homers Yet Yankees Lose? What? A.J. Burnett, who very well could be a Cylon, was in command through six innings in the Blue Jays' 5-2 win over the Yankees. Burnett was chased by Alex Rodriguez's totally non-steroid-related two-run homer in the seventh, and Vernon Wells had a two-run homer off Mike Mussina.

• Zim Went The Strings Of My Heart. If you think the Giants are having trouble at the plate this season (and they are), take a look at the Phillies. The Nationals used three pitchers to earn a one-hitter, beating Philadelphia 1-0. The winning hit? You guessed it: A Ryan Zimmerman homer. You get a cookie. Tim Redding took a one-hitter into the eighth for the Ws.

• Who is This Ankiel You Speak Of? Rick Ankiel — with whom you may not be familiar — is doing a pretty decent job of replacing Jim Edmonds in center field for the Cardinals, evidently.

• This Just In ... Putz Placed On 15-Day Disabled List.

Today: The San Francisco Giants. Your author is Rick Chandler.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Sorry, Barry Bonds don't work here no more. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

Yeah, Barry is gone. And so Mom, suddenly single, has packed everyone into the old station wagon and headed toward a big new life. It's going to be scary at first, trying to raise a family on just her salary. But she had to break it off; Dad was always on the juice; he beat mother and ignored the kids. For his eighth birthday they took little Edwin to see him play, and Barry didn't even show up (15-day DL, shrunken testicles). So Mom decided that she had been enabling him long enough. What has become of Barry now? Sadly, he lives in a van, down by the river.

The good news is that the Giants have started dating again. The bad news is that they're mostly losers; not a potential husband in the bunch. When Will posted his NL West Preview on Thursday, he chose the Giants for last place, affectionately calling the pick "the easiest call in baseball." That's Will: Ever mindful of hurting my feelings. Here's a likely Opening Day starting lineup (provided all are healthy), and you decide for yourselves. (By the way, I have a baseball with all of their signatures; and to give you an idea of how star-studded this lineup is, four of the players paid me to sign it).

• Dave Roberts, LF. A solid outfielder, but also often injured; missed a month due to elbow surgery last season. Overview: By taking one step in any direction will automatically cover more ground that did Bonds. Not nearly as much fun to heckle, though.

• Ray Durham, 2B. Dedicated veteran has just returned from a hamstring injury, and says his age will not be a problem. Overview: Was once John McCain's babysitter.

• Randy Winn, RF. Is hitting .339 this spring, after a .300 season last year. Plus, he adds speed. Overview: He'll have to patrol the entire field like Benny The Jet Rodriguez to make a difference.

• Bengie Molina, C. Is hitting .452 this spring with five homers. Fantasy owners take notice! Overview: Can he throw out anyone at second? Magic Eight Ball says: Ask again.

• Aaron Rowand, CF. Comes over from the Phillies where he hit .307 with 27 homers last season. Is hitting .305 this spring. But can he stay healthy? Overview: Ow! My spine!

• Rich Aurillia, 3B. Played for the Giants for nine seasons before departing for three seasons with the Padres, Mariners and Reds, then rejoining the Giants last year, when he hit .252. Overview: I'd feel better about this if he weren't also second on the depth chart at every other position, including catcher.

• Brian Bocock, SS. Overview: ??? (hits own head with mallet) ...

• Dan Ortmeier, 1B. Muscled six homers last season in the traditional power slot. Overview: Lord help us.

• Barry Zito, P. May have gone 11-13 last season, but he can buy and sell you. Overview: Took the loss against the Fresno Giants in a spring training game.

To make an impact: Pitcher Matt Cain "Mutiny;" second basemen Kevin Frandsen (will undergo surgery on Saturday for ruptured Achilles tendon), Eugerio Velez (hitting .303 with 14 stolen bases); outfielder Fred Lewis (may bat leadoff); P.A. announcer Renel Brooks-Moon; infielder Jose Castillo (acquired on waivers from Marlins Saturday); a host of others. Manager Bruce Bochy used 124 different lineups in 2007, to list them all here would be pointless.

So yeah, everyone mock the Giants. But here's the thing: I didn't attend a single game over the past two seasons, disheartened as I was with that hollow, Faustian home run record chase, and the typical behavior of the hometown faithful who chose to watch the games with their heads stuck in the sand. And now here's this 2008 team, which the Chronicle is already calling The Bad News Giants; by all accounts perfectly awful in every respect. Their predicted last-place finish may indeed be the easiest call in baseball, other than the one I made to buy tickets for Opening Day.

Anyway, off to the NL West.

1. Arizona Diamondbacks. We don't think the Pythagorean people are going to have a problem with them this year.
2. Los Angeles Dodgers. This should be the one year in his contract in which Torre stays awake.
3. Colorado Rockies. We know it seems strange to say a team that just went to the World Series is one year away, but ... we think they're a year away.
4. San Diego Padres. We will always love the guy, but ... Jim Edmonds is the impact offseason bat? Really?
5. San Francisco Giants: Easiest pick in all of baseball. Oh, and don't ask about Bonds.

That's ours; jumbled division. Yours?

Tomorrow: The National League East.

Frazier had an excuse for his failure: "I'm always stoned to the bone during games. I'd been smoking big weed about 10 minutes before that (expletive) guy hit that ball, so they had a little advantage on me."

Let that be a lesson, kids. When smoking big weed, better to time it for when Lance Neikro and Dan Ortmeyer are due up.

So who ended up with the ball? Jameson Sutton of Boulder, who did not come forward until Thursday, for some reason, after having kept it in his closet. He got the ball after having it glance off of his glove (Manny Ramirez nods knowingly), and beating the 240-pound Frazier in a scramble for the prize.

And finally, the baseball gods got one right. Turns out that Sutton's dad has cancer, and the family is kind of struggling. Way to go, Barry! One of your steroid-tainted moon shots is actually doing some good.

Bonds' Homer No. 762 A Bizarre Mystery [Yahoo Sports]

(Yes. It's weed day at Deadspin.)

The typographical errors showed up in a recent filing by prosecutors wrongly accusing Bonds of flunking a drug test in 2001. They later admitted they instead meant 2000. Baseball's home run king has pleaded not guilty to perjury and obstruction of justice charges alleging he lied when he told a federal grand jury he never knowingly used performance-enhancing drugs. He is asking a judge to dismiss the case, arguing the questions posed to him while under oath were ambiguous and confusing. In a filing last week opposing Bonds' motion for dismissal, prosecutors twice referred to a drug test he failed in November 2001. They later said they meant to reference a November 2000 drug test that had previously been mentioned in the indictment.

JURY FOREMAN: "Your honor, we the jury find in accordance to the indictment that the accused, Barry Lamar Bonds, is galty ... uh, I mean guilty! Damn!"
JUDGE: "Case dismissed! Mr. Bonds is free to go!"

It baffles me as to why no team would want want to sign Bonds. Who wouldn't want to take on this horse and pony show? It's the Typo Defense, folks!

As for the photo here, I found it while rooting around over at the blog Terrence Says. He says it's real. The cat Barry is a bad mutha ... shut yo mouth!

Bonds Seizes On Government Typos [SFGate]
Careful Of Those Governmental Typos [Deadspin]

Let's see, we've got:

• Bonds.
• Neither the 49ers or Raiders have won a game in a month.
• The Warriors are the only winless team in the NBA.
• After a nice start, Cal has collapsed. And their fans are falling out of trees.

We're spending Thanksgiving with our sister in the Bay Area. We hope our plane doesn't crash.

Bay Area Is Officially In Sports Hell [100 Percent Injury Rate]

• Bonds Indicted. Instant analysis and opinion. Relevant point. Examination of an angle to the story you hadn't thought of yet. Platitudes. Memories. Anecdotal evidence. Unqualified legal analysis. Critique of other opinions. Pithy comment. Rhetorical question? Possible answer. Finger-wagging. Finger-pointing. False bravado and mock outrage. Name calling. Not in my America. The same thing you just read, phrased differently. Something underlined for emphasis. Reference to another famous scandal. Moment of silence for America's innocence. Overblown conclusion. [McCovey Chronicles]

• Open Mic. So how are you sleeping tonight with that big head of yours, Barry? Do those records or warehouses full of to-be-sold memorabilia make you feel good this evening? How's breakfast going to taste tomorrow after your child asks you what all these people are talking about? FRAUD! FAKE! LIAR! [SFGate

• Hey, Douchebag! Make Way For Douchebag! "Instant Karma's gonna get you. Gonna knock you right in the head." - John Lennon. Sometimes — and believe me, those times are rare — life just happens to work out so perfectly that you can't help but sit back and grin. Like right now. Many baseball fans are dancing in the splendiferous joy of Barry Bonds' indictment by a Grand Jury on Thursday afternoon. What could be better than the long-awaited proof that baseball's home run king* was a knowing cheater? Oh yeah, said home run king* doing time behind bars. [Rumors And Rants]

• Barry Bonds Indicted By Grand Jury In BALCO Case. Bonds is due in court on December 7 — a perfect date that will live in infamy. [SportsbyBrooks]

• And This Was Slow . My first reaction is that this is a travesty, and has been for years. For someone to be investigated for this long for something so unimportant is a disgrace. The amount of money spent, and the effort and time that has gone into this bald-faced attempt to dishonor and disgrace a fucking baseball player is just terrible. This is an abuse of power, a shameless personal attack of Barry Bonds. [Only Baseball Matters]

• Bonds Indicted! I will also note that there was not one word about tax evasion in the news accounts I have read. If that holds, this means that whatever Bonds's ex-mistress, Kimberly Bell, told the Feds about his alleged tax evasion did not prove to be true, because either he did or he didn't. [Obsessive Giants Compulsive]

In interview situations, Bonds speaks like Cosmo Kramer enters a room. Be sure to duck as non-sequiters fly everywhere. He will also lapse into the third person without warning, and contradict himself more than once. There will also be jokes that only he finds funny. Oh, and this time he's interviewed by Jim Gray! Fun for the entire family. The highlight from Mr. Bonds:

"I don't think you can put an asterisk in the game of baseball, and I don't think that the Hall of Fame can accept an asterisk," Bonds said. "You cannot give people the freedom, the right to alter history. You can't do it. There's no such thing as an asterisk in baseball."

Bonds also said "I will never be in the Hall of Fame. Never." So does that mean he doesn't expect to get voted in? Or, if voted in, he won't go into the building? Or perhaps he doesn't want to be included in the voting? Even Gray seemed confused, following each Bonds answer with: "So Barry, are you saying that ..."

Countdown to an armed Barry raiding a Vegas motel room to retrieve his stolen memorabilia: about three years.

Bonds Would Boycott Hall Of Fame Over Asterisk [MSNBC]

Anyway, as always, it's best to look to Vegas — or at least Bodog — to catch a feel for which way the wind be blowing. So far, they like the Angels. Here are their odds:

What team will Alex Rodriguez be playing for on Opening Day '08?
Los Angeles Angels 3/1
Los Angeles Dodgers 4/1
Chicago Cubs 9/2
Detroit Tigers 5/1
Boston Red Sox 6/1
New York Yankees 6/1
New York Mets 9/1
Philadelphia Phillies 9/1
San Francisco Giants 10/1
Field (Any Other Team) 5/2

As we have made abundantly clear, we're not the betting sort ... but we would think the Giants at 10-1 odds would be a reasonable investment. Plus, you know, they've got plenty of she-male, muscular types there; not to be understated.

A die-hard San Francisco Giants fan who desperately wanted his team to beat the Atlanta Braves has pleaded guilty to calling the Atlanta ballpark where the two teams played and making false bomb threats. Dante Suguitan's lawyers said in court papers that the Bay Area resident has a psychiatric disorder that manifested itself in an "obsessive interest in professional sports, particularly the San Francisco Giants baseball team."

Of course, having an "obsessive interest in professional sports" in and of itself does not make one crazy (one hopes). It's just when you add "particularly the San Francisco Giants baseball team" that the giant butterfly nets need to come out.

Suguitan said that the bomb was set to blow up the stadium "when the crowd began doing the tomahawk chop." And truthfully, who hasn't fantasized about that?

Giants Fan Guilty Of False Bomb Threats At Atlanta Ballpark [SF Gate]

Had I gone with my initial instinct — to show up at the event wearing the comical giant papier-mâché Barry Bonds head — I'm sure I wouldn't have even made it into the building. Don't tase me, bro!

So this Bonds pity party — hosted by KG0 Radio and attended by about 500 people, among them Danny Glover —revolved around two things: Barry being bitter at the Giants, and Barry expressing hope that the Giants would take him back. One would think that the two sentiments would be working at cross purposes, but that's a classic abuser for you. Problem is, the victim is usually the last to see it. Bonds' introduction alone took 15 minutes, with host Ray Taliaferro gushing over a list of statistics, and then finally asking his first hard-hitting question: "Barry, did you really do all of these things?"

"I did," replied Bonds. "And then I got fired. Shame on me, huh?"

Fired? Is that what they call it now? Bonds had a million of 'em, including the notion that, if he were running the Giants, they would immediately be in the World Series. "I know the game so well," he said. "I can see talent; I know exactly what I'd be looking for."

Cream and Clear dispensers in the dugout? Oh sorry, no questions about steroids allowed. Rove would be proud.

There was also this: "I told Peter Magowan that if I'm a part-time player, I'm better than your full-time player and it's a wise idea to keep me. We still have time. Things change."

So what was the point of this little party? Does Barry actually think that, with the home run record broken, he has any value left for the Giants? Even at a reduced salary, the baggage he checks with the team just wouldn't be worth it. Or did Barry simply want one last time to be wrapped in the warmth of the only fan base that actually likes him? He took questions from the audience, but they were written on cards and pre-selected by the host, Taliaferro, who gently laid them in his hero's lap on a satin pillow. If they had to be summarized, one could say they all read, "Barry, why are you so awesome?"

I have a feeling that we've seen the last of Barry Bonds in any uniform, let alone a Giants' one. And Glover can flap his arms all he wants, ain't nothing bringing him back.

Bonds Stung By Departure From Giants [MSNBC]

And so Barry Lamar Bonds is a Giant no longer. He made his final appearance at AT&T Park on Wednesday, making three unremarkable outs and then departing a bit prematurely in the seventh inning, like Professor Marvel in his hot air balloon. Barry! You were supposed to take us with you! Sigh. All that's left is Eugenio Velez in left field and an ache in our hearts. And Barry now heads off to that place where all creaky, formerly great players go ... the Yankees.

Willie Mays and Willie McCovey were in attendance on Wednesday, and Bonds fans milled about like excited munchkins, holding enormous signs and cheering their hero. Meanwhile, at the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, Calif., it was Unlimited Dessert Night, and Greg Anderson had three helpings of lime jello. It is unknown whether Bonds' former trainer was allowed to watch the game, which the Padres won 11-3. Sometimes they only let you watch one channel in the TV room, from what I understand. I just hope it wasn't the Democratic debate.

Anderson is in the slammer for refusing to answer grand jury questions on Bonds and steroids; a scene that they omitted from the Bonds tribute video that was shown in the stadium following the game. To me, the real fitting tribute would have been a montage of times that Barry failed to run out ground balls, but I realize that there were time constraints. Whew. Was it really 15 years ago that Bonds arrived at Candlestick Park, comparing his talents as an entertainer to those of Michael Jackson, and wearing a size 7 1/3 cap? From a business standpoint, Bonds may have saved baseball in San Francisco. From a moral and practical perspective, he may have destroyed it for years to come. Yes, when it comes to Barry, "You have my statement." Even though I'm a lifelong Giants fan, I've never liked the guy. Put that in your syringe and smoke it.

But now what? I think that for many of us, we've lost our archenemy. Who is Holmes without Moriarty? Luke without Vader? The Meeces without Mr. Jinx? I have all of this cardboard and paint around the house and no one to mock via signage! I feel a little empty inside, and it's not the Colonblow. Goodbye, Barry. I hated you, and loved every minute of it.

Quiet End To An Era [SF Gate]

It's Barry's last night in San Francisco as a Giant, and even though he'll be with another team next year, with their own fans, he'll never receive the unmitigated, unrestrained ovation that he will tonight. Even from fans who are kind of tired of him.

I'll miss Barry Bonds because I'll miss watching him play. I so, so, so won't miss talking about him, though. Wearing a Giants hat in another part of the country is a conversation-starter, but it's always a stupid conversation. Why do you root for Bonds? How can you root for Bonds? When would you stop rooting for Bonds? My answers, in order: Dunno, Eli Whitney, and I like banana cream pies. There's no sense in explaining it anymore.

The ovation Barry gets tonight — and he will get a huge one — is very likely the last, and biggest, he'll ever receive. No matter who he's playing for next year, tonight's how we will remember him. For better or worse, for the sake of the game, for whatever: The Barry Bonds we have known and hated and debated and defended and despised for a decade now ... that Barry Bonds ends tonight.

Open Game Thread, 9/26 [McCovey Chronicles]

During an interview the other day, someone asked Bonds about Hank Aaron, and he started talking about hockey, for some reason. And his winter hockey pal.

I could never play hockey. I've tried. I can ice skate, but it's not good, you know? I play hockey in the wintertime with (actor, game-show host) Alan Thicke. Me and my family. We do. We go down to the ice skating rink, all of us. Funny thing, I'd never seen my son skate, and he beat all of us.

Man, Bonds, we tell you, that guy's edgy. He should be careful of falling in with the wrong crowd.

Bonds Says He'll Likely Play One More Year [Pittsburgh Live]

An eyewitness report on SFGate: Randy Finley of Mountain View, just behind Johnson, said he touched the ball, too. Then he watched in horror as a woman got knocked over and her husband disappeared into the scrum, leaving their 4-year-old son to cower with his teddy bear. Finley said he never found out who they were but that it did not appear to be the pinnacle of responsible parenting. The bleachers during a home run ball scramble are truly a barbarous land, where the laws of human nature are broken down to their most basic, primordial components. There was plenty of heartbreak to go around. One young fan, 15-year-old Mark Jackson of Philadelphia, said he was sure he was the guy with the ball. But Jackson had fallen for the fake ball trick — during big home run scrambles, mischievous fans are known to toss other balls into the area to watch the resulting chaos. I had no idea. Anyway, Barry hit No. 757 in the Giants' 5-0 win over the Nationals on Wednesday, but the battle for that ball was much less chaotic ... the sphere landed in the bay, and a man paddled up to it in a kayak and gently scooped it out of the water. Now that it's all over, sanity and dignity seem to have been restored. Until the next time.

• The Day Boston Won The East. When Red Sox fans look back and discuss the 2007 season — and they will — let it be known that Dustin Pedroia was the hero who staved off the Yankees' final troop surge. Sure it's far from over, but the Sox's current 6-game lead in the East looks a lot better than a 5-spot, or even a 4, which could have happened on Wednesday. Pedroia's tiebreaking home run led a 9-6 win over the Los Angeles Angels. Mike Lowell went 4-for-4 with three doubles and Hideki Okajima (3-0) went 1 1/3 hitless innings for the win. The Yankees, sans A-Rod, lost 15-4 to the Blue Jays, who had a team-record nine doubles. Oy.

• Veni, Vidro, Vici. Meanwhile, Seattle slid ahead of Detroit and New York into first place in the wild card race, as Jose Vidro homered and drove in four runs to lead an 8-4 win over the Orioles.

• Billy Wagner, All-American Hero. With the Mets clinging to a one-run lead, Billy Wagner escaped a bases loaded, nobody out jam in the ninth as New York beat Atlanta 4-3. Moises Alou had a tiebreaking homer in the eighth. It was Wagner's 350th career save and extended his scoreless streak to 21 innings.

• Boom Goes The Dynamite. The Rockies had 23 hits — including four hits and six RBI from Garrett Atkins — in a 19-4 win over the Brewers.

• Hank Aaron And Bondsian Irony. As much as we'll always remember Barry for his slow home run gangster limp and towering moon shots, we'll also never forget when a one and a half legged Sid Bream beat out his throw from left field back when he was a Pirate. Or the fact that Barry's never won a championship. Did he make a Faustian deal where he would be the all time home run leader, living in infamy for six or seven years before being dethroned but always being denied the championship that he longed for so badly during the early stages of his career? Probably too much to hope for. [Brahsome]

• 756 .. Or 756*. So, Barry hit 756 tonight. When I heard about it, I checked it out at Yahoo! Sports, and saw (photo with asterisk). I thought to myself... Whoa.. really? Yahoo! is gonna start the whole * thing with this one? Firing shots over the bow immediately. Well, about 10 minutes later, I reload the page, and see:... (same photo, no asterisk). Hmmmm.. [Dennis Yang.com]

• Open Overnight Barry Thread. Congratulations to Barry Bonds. And because I was actually there, man, I can tell you the truth. I can give you a first-hand account of what REALLY WENT DOWN. I can tell you what those hacks at ESPN are TOO SCARED to tell you: There were more cheers than boos. [McCovey Chronicles]

• Booooo! It was an exciting moment, even if the overall event leaves me dead inside. Barry Bonds is a no-doubt great player. He's also a cheat, and a drug abuser. He probably doesn't deserve to be singled out, but as the best player with one of the largest contracts, that just comes with the territory. I don't celebrate what he did. The feeling I have inside is akin to the tone that the always classy Hank Aaron spoke with. Just matter of fact. Cordial, but not warm. It is (to use the overused cliche) what it is. [Capitol Punishment]

• Come And Drink The Kool-Aid With Me. Barry Bonds is now the new home run king. And for maybe the first time in the last 5 years, ESPN actually did some real reporting by talking with one of the authors of Game of Shadows about Barry's legacy. Although they also did their absolute best to drag Barry through the mud in what I wouldn't exactly describe as objective journalism. But when was I ever expecting objective journalism from ESPN anyway. Of course most people out there aren't very happy. A roided up jackass athlete without much class has taken the home run record away from a dignified, classy, and clean player. [100 Percent Injury Rate]

• 756*. So... complete drug-cheat San Francisco's Barry Bonds now holds the MLB Home Run record. May I remind you Barry, you don't have the pro-baseball record just yet tho'. You still have 112 to go. [With Malice]

• Our Place In The 756 Club. And the fan who caught Barry Bonds' record-breaking home run? Our old pal Dave O'Brien just reported with a touch of astonishment that he's wearing a Mets jersey. Who says we're not a part of home run history? [Faith And Fear In Flushing]

• Asterisk-esque! Many Americans will take this opportunity to be hatin'* (* — when they should be congratulatin') while failing to either acknowledge or appreciate the science which went into creating a talented-but-unlikable test-tube slugger* (* — apparently, BALCO never perfected the synthesization of proteins for "congeniality"). [Planet Haystack]

• 756*. This is everything that tears at my soul about the current state of professional sports. I love to see human beings doing superhuman things. Vlad hits a baseball off his shoelaces 400 feet. Phil Hughes makes a sphere dance like a marionette. Reyes goes from second to third in the time it takes me to stand up and cheer. But when these superhuman feats are bought, packaged, and produced in a lab, it does more than cheapen them. It robs the entire sport of its grace, its mystique. Logic dictates that I must suspect everyone; given what we know, there is no player above suspision. But I want to believe that these supermen are real, that with a little different luck or a different skill set, I could be one of them. I don't know how to continue loving this game. I don't want to stop loving it. [Pinstripe Alley]

Alas, Barry Bonds has finally broken the record — our sister was there, and was a little too happy about it during a 12:30 a.m. phone call — and, most notably, Hank Aaron showed up on the Jumbotron to congratulate him. We're not sure we find Aaron's move particularly classy; either he should shun Barry or embrace Barry, but it's a bit late to be switching sides. Regardless: It happened, and we can all move on with our lives now. Barry Bonds has his silly fake record, and now he can go home.

When asked by ESPN's Erin Andrews what's next for Barry Bonds, he said, "A lot more baseball, hell yes, I'm not quitting."

Aw. Well, christ.

According to Mark Silva, the guy who designs Bonds' arm brace every season, debunks the E&P story and, even more to the point, claims Bonds arms have not grown in the slightest since 1992. No, really.

Silva states that because of the custom nature of the work, he's been asked to make casts of Bonds each year. In the first couple of years, he went through the entire process, but due to his workload, he started checking Bonds with precision calipers each subsequent year. "If I made the same brace every year for 12 or more years," Silva said, "it was because there was no size change in Barry's arms."

You read that correctly—the man who not only builds Bonds' brace, but who has taken precision measurements of his arm since 1992, has not seen any increase in the size of Bonds' arm. Point blank, Silva said "there's been no significant change in the size of his arms."

If this is true — and we have our doubts — our minds are kind of blown. If Bonds' arms aren't bigger ... well, then, what is? But again: We have our doubts.

By the way, if you're wondering what your sports media world will be like post-756 ... look no further. It'll be nicer.

Barry Bonds' Brace [Baseball Prospectus]
Barry Bonds' HR Record Tainted by Elbow 'Armor'? [Editor And Publisher]

Maddux had been joking the whole week before about how he the best way to pitch to Bonds was, "you just walk him. I mean, it's not that hard to throw four a couple of feet outside." But Greg Maddux didn't become Greg Maddux by not being rabidly competitive, and he went after Bonds all four times, forcing him to go 0-for-4. And he did it in that confounding, elliptical Maddux way that we've all admired for decades.

Whatever your thoughts on Bonds and the legitimacy of his record, this was a moment to revel in: A Hall of Fame pitcher, in the last days of career, testing what he had left against another Hall of Famer. And despite history glaring at him, he took Bonds four times. For all the other clutter, it was a pure baseball moment. It reminded us how much we love Maddux, and baseball.

We do not expect such moments from John Lannan tonight. No offense, John.

Bonds Picks On Somebody His Own Size [Newsday]

It has been amusing to watch how different people react to this drawn-out business. Particularly, Bud Selig, who gave a rather ridiculous press conference yesterday in which he claimed following Bonds around was "a Herculean effort" and that people "are stunned that I'm still doing this." (ESPN's Bomani Jones has an outstanding deconstruction of Selig's lunacy.) We think this chase is making Selig lose his mind. We understand where he's coming from.

Meanwhile, the nation's sushi makers are having a grand time with this. At least somebody is.

That is to say: What if the Giants had actually moved to Tampa like they were originally supposed to. The Sporting Orange flashes back to 1992, when the Giants were this close to moving to St. Petersburg. Owner Peter Magowan ended up outbidding the Tampa group, and the team stayed in the Bay Area. And we missed the opportunity of seeing Bonds hit 80 homers a year at the Trop.

True, Bonds probably would have never signed his big contract with the Tampa team, considering the history he and his family had in San Fran. But it's a funny thought, and we'll take solace in knowing that it could have been worse.

What If...Barry Bonds And The Tampa Bay Devil Rays [The Sporting Orange"

Anyway, over at one of the Wall Street Journal blogs, they're hypothisizing that you could be eligible to be taxed the minute you grabbed the ball.

It's taxable income to the fan the instant that person catches the ball because it's "accession to wealth." This view logically stems from cases saying that someone who finds a "treasure trove" owes tax on it right away.

That's extremely depressing. Tim Forneris, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you. You dope.

Tax Law Final Exam Question: Barry Bonds's Ball [WSJ Law Blog]

So, henceforth, our interview with Jeff Pearlman about this weird moment in sports history, in which one of the game's most hallowed marks is about to be broken by a guy everybody hates. (Pearlman is currently working on a book about the 1990s Dallas Cowboys, the progress of which you can track here.

When we interviewed you when your book first came out, you said, "Bonds doesn't want Aaron's record. I'm convinced of this," pointing out that Bonds would lose a ton of African American support. At the time, we absolutely understood this. What changed, if anything? Or were you just wrong?

Hate to admit it, but I was apparently wrong. It's funny—I interviewed more than 500 people for my book, and the hardest thing was finding anyone with a positive thing to say about Bonds. I dug and dug and dug and dug, and the one pro-Bonds thought that was regularly repeated was that—if nothing else—the man has a profound respect for the history of the sport. You know, his dad being Bobby Bonds, his uncle being Willie Mays, his cousin being Reggie Jackson, two of his childhood heroes being Mickey Mantle and Hank Aaron.

But in the time since I made that prediction to you about Barry, I've had a chance to re-read my book, go through old notes, do some promotional stuff, etc. And the truth of the matter is, Bonds is completely, undeniably 100 percent full of shit. He truly is. I no longer buy his love of baseball history any more than I buy the sanctity of his marriages or the purity of his blood stream. I was at Shea when the Giants came to New York a few weeks ago, and I had to laugh when hundreds of my media peers swarmed around him for comments. I understand why they were there, but it's a waste of time. Nothing he says holds any meaning. He'll say the sky is blue one second and red the next. He loves Dusty Baker, then he hates him. So on and so on. Bonds cares no more about baseball history than does my goldfish. He knows what Hank Aaron went through to hit 755 home runs, and he was more than happy to cheat, load up on steroids and HGH and surpass him.

Some have said that the feds are hounding Bonds unfairly, extending their investigation just to further embarrass him and shroud him in suspicion. Do you agree?

Anyone in the media who says they know the answer to this is either psychic or dishonest. It's impossible for me to say. My guess is that they have a legitimate reason to be going after Bonds, because it's pretty clear he didn't pay taxes on baseball-related earnings. Of course, there's a history of the government trying to make examples of celebs, from (recently) Martha Stewart to Paris Hilton to so on and so on. So if they're going after Bonds for his name, it wouldn't be the first time.

Is Bud Selig wimping out by not showing up to see Bonds break the record? Or is he making some sort of quiet, subtle protest? Do you think Hank Aaron drove this debate a little bit? That is to say, he was one of the first people to come out and say, "I don't want anyone who has done steroids to break this record." That shifted the conversation a little, we think.

First, huge praise goes to Hank Aaron, who has made an important statement throughout this whole ordeal. I was surprised by the number of journalists who have hammered Aaron for his stance, and I think it's disgraceful. Let's see—we have a man of undeniable integrity who went through unspeakable racial hatred while breaking Babe Ruth's cherished record. He turns a baseball mark into a baseball/civil rights mark. Seven hundred and fifty five is an American number, not a sports number. Aaron spends much of his career bemoaning cheaters and endorsing righteousness. Then Bonds comes along, cheats and erases Aaron from atop the greatest record in sports. Why in the world would Hank Aaron follow Bonds around? Bonds is as un-Hank Aaron as anyone this side of Ty Cobb.

As for Selig, he comes across as pathetic. The man presides over the steroids era, sits back and silently watches as McGwire and Sosa surpass Roger Maris, does nothing for years and years—and now he's so righteous? It's garbage. This is as much Bud Selig's record as it is Barry Bonds'. When the turnstiles were humming in '98 and '99 we heard nothing from Selig. Now that the media has exposed the fraud for everyone to see, he's Mr. Anti-Steroid. Insane.

You talked to hundreds of people for your book. Are you still in touch with any of them? What do they think of him breaking the record? Do even the people who loved him feel a little odd about it? On the other hand, do those who hate him respect the achievement?

I've maintained some contacts, and I know of no one who's actually happy that he's breaking the record. It's like I wrote in the book—Bonds has never treated people especially well, so there's very little loyalty for the man. Do you root for someone who refused to sign a ball for your kid? Who ignored you when you asked for advice? Who told you you couldn't carry his jock? I still often think of Dan Peltier, the former Giant backup who brought his young son to the team's Family Day. When Bonds asked the kid to name his favorite ballplayer, he said, "My dad!" To which Bonds replied, "Why? He never plays."

Any respect for Bonds is a respect for his ungodly ability as a baseball player, not for his personality or ethics.

That said, I'll tell you something that fascinates me. I contribute regular columns for ESPN's Page 2 now, and I've written a few anti-Bonds pieces. The reaction is almost entirely negative—you suck, you suck ass, you're only trying to promote your f-ing book (the irony being that bashing Bonds does not help my commercial cause). The media makes it sound like most people want Bonds to fail. I disagree—the media wants Bonds to fail. Most fans don't find him especially likable, but they're enamored by his achievements and size and longevity and the chance to see a record fall. Ethics? Ehhhh ... whatever.

Do you think there's any way, in 40 years, we'll look back on Bonds the way we look back at Maris, as a guy who got a bum rap from media while he was playing and was actually a true superstar? To put it with less hyperbole, when he retires, will his reputation improve?

Roger Maris lost his hair when he was setting the record. Barry Bonds' head was growing when he set the record. Roger Maris was a quiet, humble man who wanted the media to go away. Barry Bonds is a brash, arrogant man who wants the media to go away. Roger Maris' peer was Mickey Mantle, whom he genuinely embraced. Barry Bonds' peer was Jeff Kent, whom he genuinely detested. Roger Maris broke the record, tucked his head to his chin and rounded the bases. Barry Bonds will break the record and receive a new car or a golden bat or whatever the Giants lavish upon him. Maris was honest. Bonds is a cheater. In presidential history, time tends to shine an accurate light upon administrations. I believe the same goes for baseball. Forty years from now Bonds will be what he truly is—a once-in-a-lifetime talent who gave into greed and jealousy. An asterisk and a big, HGH-bloated head.

Few people have researched Bonds more than you have. Do YOU want him to break the record?

Here's the truth. I set out to write a fair, honest, balanced biography of a misunderstood legend. I did my absolute best, and the result is a book that I'm very proud of. I've received strong reviews, in part because I didn't take sides. Now that I'm well beyond the researching and writing; now that I'm beyond the promotional, 20-second soundbite push, I feel liberated to express my conclusion of the whole experience.

It is this: Barry Bonds is evil.

Alongside Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, he is responsible for the illegal, unethical tattering of the most important page of the baseball record book. I grew up knowing what 755 meant. Hell, my mom—who knows nothing about sports—understands 755. I hate—absolutely, positively hate—that Barry Bonds is doing this. I'm mad if my 6-year-old nephew cheats in first grade. So for Bonds to come along and cheat to surpass Aaron—it's criminal. I read writers like Bill Rhoden and Dave Zirin—guys I respect—and I just don't understand what the hell they're doing. They maintain there's no proof that Bonds used, so how can we condemn him? If we used that mode of thinking in day-to-day life, there'd be no need for juries. You either catch a person in the act of committing a crime or he's innocent. Factually—and I mean, 100% factually—Bonds used, and the evidence is overwhelming. Game of Shadows, my book, his ties to Greg Anderson and Victor Conte, the expansion (impossible, unless he used HGH or suffers from Acromegaly) of his skull, a former teammlate like Jay Canizaro telling me how Anderson said he can design a steroid cocktail for him that would be just like Barry's, so on and so on. Every time someone writes that there's no "proof," he/she is gifting the designers of masking agents. If we reward and praise the cheaters in sports, what are we saying to the kids who follow the games? What are we saying about decency and integrity?

I don't root against Bonds because he's a bad man. I root against him because he's a dishonest one. For me personally, this isn't an issue of race or class or status. It's an issue of someone taking the game I truly love and making a mockery of the whole thing.

While some understandably have concerns how the whole investigation into Bonds is being held, it's clear we're awfully close to the moment of truth now. (And Giants fans can cheer even harder, considering their history of aiding and abetting.)

As it turns out, Bud Selig is going to most likely not be there after all, which we still find a cop out. We want to see his face when Bonds hits it; more than ever, we need a Webcam.

Anyway, John Smoltz — who has given up eight Bonds bombs in his career already — takes the mike tonight. And this is all going to happen, eventually. Do us a favor, Barry; just make it quick, and not in the face, OK?

But this is really gonna happen, folks. So now we just track the balls.

We look for more stories like the one of this guy, who caught Bonds' first homer yesterday (and 752nd overall). He, of course, wasn't actually at the game.

JULY 19TH CUBS VS GIANTS CUBS WIN 9-8 [BallHawk]

And defensively, Bonds misplayed James Loney's single for an error, didn't reach a foul ball that landed in the front row of the stands, and he threw to third instead of second on a base hit, allowing the hitter to take second. Matt Kemp had a run-scoring triple for the Dodgers, who scored twice on squeeze bunts.

• Mauer Power. Joe Mauer singled home the winning run in the ninth after Justin Morneau's game-tying homer in the eighth, doncha know, as the Twins won 4-3, sweeping the four-game series from the Athletics.

• Does It Seem As If The Yankees Play The Devil Rays Every Day? The Yankees are above .500! Free hot dogs for everyone!

• Oliver! Oliver Perez pitched well in his return from the DL, the Mets beating the Reds 5-2. But it's hard not too get a little spooked by the second-place Braves, who are still 1 1/2 back.

• Blue Monday. Josh Beckett gets outpitched by ... Jesse Litsch? Blue Jays 2, Red Sox 1.