Pass-catching dongs, to be specific. Lots of crossing pattern dongs.

There was Visante Shiancoe, who was confident enough to ask a female reporter "How'd it look?"

There was Chris Cooley's inexplicable decision to post a picture of his Lil' Cooley on his Web site.

And, of course, Santonio Holmes, who, after his Photo Of Fun was released, never did anything else with his life, ever ever ever nope.

Quite a collection.

But is it it enough to get them in the Hall of Fame? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open through the weekend.

Fact: Santonio Holmes made more than $2 million this season. Fact: The federal government just bailed out General Motors to the tune of $9.4 billion. So, why is GM giving Holmes an $85,000 Cadillac Escalade Hybrid Platinum, which has been, in effect, purchased by the taxpayers?

From the New York Daily News:

Breaking from recent tradition, there was no Cadillac on the field Sunday night during the Super Bowl awards ceremony and no Cadillac in the hotel ballroom Monday for the MVP news conference. Usually the MVP marks off on a board which car he wants. There was no board, either. It was all done in private.

There was no mention of Cadillac or of Holmes winning the car at the news conference. It was at the request of Cadillac, commissioner Roger Goodell told the Daily News Monday. When asked if Cadillac asked not to be mentioned, he said, "Yes."

Of course there's also a good chance that Santonio's new Cadillac was assembled by some of the 22,000 GM hourly workers who were just offered buyouts; with inevitable layoffs soon to follow.

Cadillac realizes how screwed up this is; it wasn't even at the Super Bowl. Their reasoning for going ahead with the car prize, it seems, is that they consider the federal money a loan, and not a bailout. Of course there's no telling what could happen with the economy in the immediate future; GM could end up being a chain of Chinese restaurants. But Holmes will still have the goddamned car that we paid for.

Why didn't GM opt out of its contract with the NFL?

"Given the current business environment, it was much more appropriate we not do that," Cadillac spokeswoman Joanne Krell said in a phone interview. "We made the decision not to actively participate in the Super Bowl. We congratulate the MVP, it is a great achievement. We are very sensitive to the federal assistance loan we have received and we want to carry on our fiduciary responsibility. The Super Bowl was not a place for us to be this year. That is not to say it's not a great platform."

So here's the deal, Holmes: I get the Cadillac on alternate Tuesdays and Thursdays, you can have Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. Friday is first-come-first-serve, and Utah gets it on Sunday for church.

Cadillac Opts To Keep MVP Prize Quiet [New York Daily News]

NFL Vice President Of Officiating Mike Pereira explains the criteria that referee Walt Coleman had to satisfy to overturn the original ruling on the field. I actually watched this game; I originally thought Holmes caught the ball outside of the endzone, and this hasn't changed my mind.

One thing that's indisputable? Santonio Holmes has a huge penis. I bet that thing breaks the plane every time.

One of the lasting legacies of the internet will be the way it's basically desensitized a large portion of the population to a naked human body. Somehow even the most profane images seem to be less unseemly when you see them online. Even when it's the unfurled penis of an NFL player. So be joyful or repulsed: there was an overabundance of accidental and purposeful nudity surrounding the sports world this year.

• Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes set the bar very high (or, in this case, very low) for his NFL peers to duplicate.

• Chris Cooley just couldn't measure up to the competition.

• Female Olympic water polo competitions are just soaking wet peep shows.

• This Philadelphia streaker was personally responsible for helping the Phillies win a ring, I think.

• MMA fighter Gina Carano probably could stand to do a better job making weight.

• The Shiancoe seen round the world.

• Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish is proud to go nude.

• Mike Sellers and Chris Samuels use their nude time together to better bond as teammates.

• Soccer player girlfriends are contractually obligated to have naked photos of themselves show up in British tabloids.

• This female streaker at least had the good sense to make a little money to pay off the fines.

• Just because the Colorado Rockies are a very Christian ball club, it doesn't mean their fans have to be.

• Tennis star Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy photo shoot did nothing to help her WTAl ranking.

• Oh, I totally forgot about those poor Nebraska wrestlers.

•

Holmes was charged with "one misdemeanor count of possession of a small amount of marijuana" and released, but Sgt. James Vogel of the Pittsburgh PD wants to make it clear that Holmes was a perfect gentleman during the whole ordeal. He handed over the blunts politely and without incident, and if the NFL has a problem with that they can take it up with Sgt. Vogel.

Vogel said Holmes was very cooperative, respectful and wasn’t impaired. He thinks that should be taken into account when it comes to any potential action taken against him by the Steelers and the NFL.

“We wouldn't expect a steelworker to be laid off or suspended without pay,” said Vogel. “I wouldn't expect a police officer, firefighter or a member of the Steelers.”

Gee, it sounds like someone really wants to see Holmes back at work as soon as possible—maybe even this weekend. What's the line on the Giants game, again?

• Steelers WR Santonio Holmes Pulled Over, Hands Officer Blunts [WPXI]
Sir, You Seemed to Have Dropped Your Terrible Towel [Deadspin]

This pictures was sent via email from a person who claims that this photo of Holmes was found at xesalley.com, a site where horny ladies talk candidly about sex and share photos of dudes they've let run amok in their lady caves. (Kind of like Jezebel.)

Apparently, one person has taken Mr. Holmes' brown thermos to lunch a few times. Hopefully, her cervix survived that anaconda attack.

Full photo of Santonio de-McBeam'd here: (NSFW, obviously>)

Holmes told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that he stepped off a sidewalk to avoid a crowd outside a restaurant when a police officer yelled at him. When he asked the officer why he yelled, he was arrested.

"I wasn't trying to cause a problem," Holmes told the newspaper. "I'm upset about this."

A police report said Holmes was obstructing traffic. The officer wrote, "I gave the defendant (Holmes) a verbal order to get out of the street and the defendant began to say several offensive words and he refused to get out of the street. The defendant's actions caused a crowd to form and traffic to come to a stop."

So it's hard to tell what actually happened, and hopefully, at some point, the truth will surface. Either way, it doesn't seem like Santonio is going to be in that much trouble. His mother would probably agree, and also seems to be in some sort of denial. She claims that her son is studying in Ohio, and that whatever happened in South Beach is a case of mistaken identity. Maybe she should consider putting a leash on him.

Ex-Buckeye Holmes arrested in Florida [Columbus Dispatch]
Steelers top pick Holmes arrested [Post-Gazette.com]
I am Indy: We Keep Our Children on Leashes [Jalopnik]