Apparently Doc Gooden is failing in his attempts to mentor the area kids:

In a lawsuit filed last week in federal court in Newark, three Millburn High School students contend Newark Bears president and co-owner Thomas Cetnar berated them, cursed at them and then booted them from the ballpark after they failed to stand for the song during the seventh-inning stretch.

"Nobody sits during the singing of 'God Bless America' in my stadium,'" Cetnar bellowed during the June 29 incident, according to the suit. "Now the get the (expletive) out of here."

The teens — Millburn High seniors Bryce Gadye and Nilkumar Patel, both 17, and junior Shaan Mohammad Khan, 16 — argue the treatment and their ejection violated their rights under the Constitution, along with federal and state public accommodation laws and state law against discrimination. They're seeking unspecified damages.

What these rebellious boys obviously need are some extra large, Sarah Palin-approved flag pins to wear on their lapels. That'll learn 'em!

[NJ.com]

The visualization of the inside of Sarah Palin's mind: "Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you're naïve if you don't see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN. And I'm doing that - keeping our eye on the ball that represents sound priorities - smaller government, energy independence, national security, freedom! And I know when it's time to pass the ball - for victory." This is what that looks like.

Matthew Stafford, No. 1 pick extraordinaire, sure is having fun on his summer break.

Hey, more Detroit Lions! Who wants to re-live 16 losses in a row? Someone!

Before we witnessed the letdown of LeBrondunkgate, we were led to believe that the throwdown was "as good as it could've been hyped up to be." Insert Zapruder witticism here.

And then TMZ pays $3,000 for the tape before we put out a $10k bounty. Thanks for saving us some cash.

In a meltdown of epic proportions — even for Mad Dog's standards — Christopher Russo admits he needs to find a staff of little Mad Dogs, not little Bow-Wows: "We are the Washington Nationals. Check that: We are the Washington Generals." If only they knew something about the cast of Gone With The Wind.

How athletes are spending their summer vacations: the gallery version. This, folks, is intrepid journalism.

A woman files a civil suit against Ben Roethlisberger, alleging that he sexually assaulted her. ESPN sits on the story for 36 hours.

On July 4, Steve McNair is found shot to death in a Nashville apartment.

If you're reading this, you already know.

First, here's the metaphor, from the text of her resignation speech:

Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you're naïve if you don't see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN. And I'm doing that - keeping our eye on the ball that represents sound priorities - smaller government, energy independence, national security, freedom! And I know when it's time to pass the ball - for victory.

All of which would look something like this:

MS Painting by Ben Cohen

The season got off to a rocky start for Legace. On October 24, he slipped on a carpet laid on the Scottrade Center ice for Alaskan anger bear (TM Wonkette) Sarah Palin, who was there to drop the ceremonial first puck. He missed five games with a hip injury and was never able to regain the All-Star form he showed during the Blues' 2007-08 season.

The last straw was the Blues' February 2nd game against the Detroit Red Wings, in which Legace allowed three goals on the first eight shots. He was pulled and had not played since. Since Legace cleared waivers, he will report to the Blues' AHL affiliate in Peoria, IL on Monday. As for Sarah Palin? She became Queen of Real America and lived happily ever after with her 12 children, the end.

[Sporting News]
[St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Alright fine. It wasn't that bad, and it wasn't really her fault at all. It was silly Manny Legace and his inability to take warnings seriously.

"I went to go step on the ice and the (Scottrade Center security) guy goes, 'Watch the carpet,' and he had his foot there holding it, so I figured it would be safe to step on," Legace said. "If he's holding it and I figured the other end's pretty much secure, I was just worrying about the carpet slipping (forward). As soon as I went to step down, he took his foot off the carpet. As soon as I stepped on the carpet, the carpet just shot out and my leg kept going and my other one was still on the bench. I felt it pull right away."

Legace officially has as a "strained left hip flexor" but is expected to be back on the ice by next week. The biggest news, for the candidate at least, was that Palin received "more cheers than boos" this time out. Maybe it's because the folks in St. Louis have something the fans in Philadelphia don't: a little thing called class!

Goalie injured after tripping on Palin carpet [AP]

From the Washington Post:

Palin said if she and husband Todd had had a sixth child, they had already picked a name for a boy joining siblings Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig. "I always wanted a son named Zamboni," she said. The magazine will be on newsstands Friday.

I just pictured John McCain reading that quote, then slowly and deliberately removing his reading glasses, setting them on the end table, then carefully picking up a small but sturdy mallet and vigorously smashing himself in the forehead with it 12 or 14 times.

Palin Says She Considers Herself Intellectual [Washington Post]

The Blues apparently haven't noticed that since Palin dropped the puck for the Flyers' opener earlier this month, Philadelphia is winless in six games so far. This has caused so much consternation in Philly that one blog, The Scores Report, wrote that Palin "Jessica-Simpsoned the Flyers," which is an interesting way of putting it.

Anyway, it should be a fun evening:

When Palin visits Friday, Democrats say they plan to be outside the hockey arena handing out shopping guides for Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue, in a jab at the national GOP's $150,000 tab to clothe Palin and her family.

Local Puck For Palin [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Palin Rumored Guest For Friday Night [St. Louis Game Time]

Here are some current (and real) proposition bets available for the Flyers' season opener against the Rangers, and their payoff odds:

Will Sarah Palin Fall while dropping the Puck at the Philadelphia Flyers Home Opener?
Yes 10/1

Will Sarah Palin get in a Donnybrook with the Flyers Captain at Center Ice?
Yes 100,000/1

Will Sarah Palin get Booed more or Cheered more when introduced onto the Ice at the Flyers Home Opener?
Booed -130
Cheered -110

Will Sarah Palin wear a Philadelphia Flyers jersey at Center Ice?
Yes Even
No -140

The line on booing at any Philly event is always moving fast, so get some action going. Take that one and parlay it with the over on game misconduct penalties from Ron Hextall's ghost and you'll be able to pay for your own bridge to nowhere.

• Hockey Props [Bodog]

Snider is a very generous GOP donor who also helped bankroll the pro-war ad campaign Freedom Watch, which has always touched a nerve with some of the liberal-minded hockey fans in the city. Now, Philly Daily News columnist/blogger Will Bunch is calling for hockey fans — both liberals and conservatives alike — to protest Snider's choice when Palin shuffled out to center ice this Saturday:

Flyers fans should be outraged — even conservative ones, because this misuse of a hockey game for his political agenda is flat out wrong. I don't think that Philadelphia fans should boo — we're all getting a little tired of that stereotype, eh — or act as rude as the people at Palin's rallies, but I do think that anyone who's as offended by this as I am should stand up Saturday night and turn their back on Sarah Palin, and especially turn their back on Ed Snider.

And send Snider a message to take his politics off of Philadelphia's sacred hockey ice and back to the privacy of his his mansion on the Main Line, where it belongs.

This is precisely the reason Palin shouldn't be anywhere near the Wachovia Center, regardless of how "good" she's been for hockey during the campaign trail. If columnists are already calling for some sort of silly protest, there's already a level of unnecessary tension overshadowing the game. Most people want to go to sporting events so they don't have to think about the messy stuff that goes on in the real world. Regardless if this is done for legitimate promotional reasons, it's a little too close to the election to have one of its most visible figures sitting in the stands at the game let alone sashaying out to center ice.

Sarah Palin and Ed Snider's game misconduct [Philly.com]

The column touched a nerve with many political media folks, who accused Shuster "of stooping so low" to call out the Alaska governor for it. Shuster wrote:

Why is this child up so late every time there is a camera op? Why isn't this baby sleeping in a crib or bassinet somewhere with a sleep sheep or some other sound apparatus lulling him into night-night? Is it just me or does it seem like she carts this poor child around like a living breathing example of how wonderful a mom she is? After all, she's more than adopted the "I'm just a mom, just like you moms out there, America" attitude.

Granted, Shuster might be particularly sensitive to this issue since she just became a new mother herself, but the column does seem a little over-reactionary and, considering Trig Palin's special-needs status, a little cruel. But considering Shuster's reputation for firing off angry screeds without thinking of the possible circumstances, it's not at all surprising that she went a little overboard with her criticism. Thankfully, Sarah Palin didn't dress Trig in a revealing bikini . Shuster really would have let her have it.

Say It Ain't So: Trig Palin's Post-Debate Photo Op [Huffington Post]

On a related note, I'm seeing a level of email vitriol regarding our Palin coverage that I haven't seen since, well, ever on Deadspin. Politics indeed inflames passions, I realize, but some of the hate-spewing missives that have landed in our email bin over the past couple of days have been unreal. I haven't seen the like since back when I was writing Y2K stories for the old Ironminds.com.

I wrote a series of articles in late 1999 debunking the scare tactics used by unscrupulous hucksters trying to convince people that civilization was going to collapse on the first day of the year 2000. In case you've forgotten, there were people all over the fledgling Interwebs trying to sell 50-pound bags of rice and portable generators and automatic weapons and the like — my favorite was the bulletproof briefcase — promoting a Chicken Little technology doomsday scenario. These people did not like me cockblocking their profiteering, and some of their letters were downright scary. And not to take sides here, but I think that many of those same folks are now Sarah Palin supporters. Sample:

"FUCK YOU. Punk. Palin has more brains in her finger than you do in your whole body. Punk." — David Creed

And our friend Mr. Creed was not done. The following day A.J. received this:

"Fuck you punk. Take your liberal shit elsewhere punk. Palin has more intelligence in her clit then you do in your whole body punk." — David Creed

Man, that is one smart clit.

Now, where did I put that bulletproof briefcase again? ...

In even more riveting potential brawl news, the Phillies once again face the Washington Nationals and odds are good that somebody on the Phillies just might get plunked. Not on the hand, though, please.

******

Tonight, talk to your friends online about sports.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

"The thing I remember most about that video was that it was only about two months after her TV debut," said Hernandez, who now lives in San Diego, where he is in the racehorse consulting business. "She was young and nervous, but she did OK." Hernandez was sports director at the station from 1984 to 1988, when he was ousted by a managing editor who suspected that he was grooming Palin to become the regular sports anchor. (Politics rears its head even then!) Not true, says Hernandez, who says that she was only intended as a weekend fill-in. And besides, the point became moot when she eloped with Todd Palin in August of '88.

"That kind of surprised me," Hernandez said. "She didn't seem like the kind of girl who would elope. But then, I never saw her display any kind of political bent, either."

In fact, Hernandez didn't know that his former intern had become governor until a friend told him two months ago.

"I said, 'Do you mean that Sarah Heath is Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska?' " Hernandez recalled. "I was floored. Then last Friday this whole big thing unfolded, and there it was. Pretty intense."

Palin's TV debut came about this way:

"It was Super Bowl Sunday, 1988," Hernandez said. "The weekend guy wanted to take the day off, and I didn't want to do the sportscast. So I said 'Sarah, you're making your debut.' She was an intern then. She was really nervous but got through it. In Alaska, that kind of a market, you just worked through it. It was still pretty early in her career."

Heath did sportscasts on a fill-in basis, mostly on weekends, for six more months, including March 5, 1988, which is the date of the video we showed you. The two banter-challenged co-anchors shown with Heath in the video (misidentified in this earlier post) were Julie Hasquet and Tom Woolston, possibly the two whitest people ever to do television news. Two other reporters who were there with Heath are still at the station; Maria Downey, who is now the assistant news director, and John Carpenter.

Palin was 24 when she interned for Hernandez, who remembers her as hard-working and wanting to know everything about sportscasting. "She was a great girl," he said. "Loved the outdoors. I taught her how to write, edit video, put together a sportscast; what interns at a TV station do."

After Palin eloped, Hernandez lost touch. "I tried last Friday to get back in touch with her, but as the story got bigger, I knew there was no chance," he said. "I still don't know where the politics came from. She showed no sign of any of that when I knew her."

(Ed. note. Yes, we know the photo is a photoshop job. Please stop yelling. )

I'm not certain that Palin will select "body man" with basketball experience a la Obama with Reggie Love, but I assume that Trajan Langdon and Carlos Boozer are the early favorites.

Image via Time

The New York Daily News' story about the Alaskan squire who knocked up the young Palin, describing him as a "a superhunky bad-boy ice hockey player from cold country." The sleuths over at Gawker happened upon his recently removed MySpace profile in which the young Johnston boastfully declared himself a "Fuckin' Redneck" and posts some photos of the young puckhead in requisite middle-finger mode. Sarah Palin says that Levi does intend to marry her daughter. (While she's running for VP. Post-election? The kid's got a better shot of marrying a moose.)

Whatever criticism befalls Johnston during his time in the spotlight, there won't ever be any questions about the kid's toughness. Johnston suffered a cracked tibia right before the hockey playoffs during his junior year as a Wasilla Warrior, but decided to ignore his doctor's advice and play anyway — even if it was just the consolation round. The result? Two goals.

Your move, Hallie Biden.

Bristol Pallin's Pregnancy Was An Open Secret Back Home [NY Daily News]
Wasilla skaters battle for fourth [ADN]

From Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic:

Here's more info about that clip: This must've been the 10:00 news because a guy named John Tracy would be doing the 6. The two anchors are Maria Downey and Ken Garland. Downey is still around. Palin must've stunk because around that time they added a guy named John Carpenter who (by Alaskan standards) was way better. Also, Carp never said "pullin'", "slappin'", or "hittin'", and unlike Palin, he moves his head when he speaks. I grew up in Anchorage and I can say definitively she's the worst sports anchor any station there has ever had.

Why record that? "Cheers" used to come on at 10:30. Maybe the timer on the Betamax kicked in early.

Other featured Deadspin comments:

• That clip made me want to watch Fargo again. You betcha. (VTBen)

• I'm pretty sure Spiro Agnew delivered a number of Radio Broadcasts about Dog Sledding. (The Kurt Rambii)

• I think the thing that we all overlooked in this video is that the Knicks sucked even back then... (hutchirish)

The year was 1988. The Redskins beat the Broncos 42-10 in the Super Bowl. The film Gorillas in the Mist teaches us how to love once again. George H.W. Bush chooses Dan Quayle as his Vice Presidential running mate. And at KTUU-TV in Anchorage, Alaska, a plucky 24-year-old sports broadcaster named Sarah Heath is giving Knicks highlights and making snide remarks about Tommy Lasorda. Do not be frightened by her large hair: Everyone was wearing it like that then. Even the men.

Who would have thought that the young lass would grow up to run the great state of Alaska, and then be asked to the Big Dance by John McCain? Certainly not the news anchor guy shown in this clip, who appears to be a weird amalgam of Ron Burgundy and Carl Monday. Just think: If McCain wins, we will have the only Vice President who has once given Iditarod highlights.

Thanks to brave tipster DW for this find.