UFC Hires Former IRS Shitbag, Presumably To Oppress Its Athletes

The UFC, lately embarrassed by its fighters failing a lot of drug tests, has hired shitbag/former IRS agent Jeff Novitzky, best known as beloved baseball legend Barry Bonds’s persecutor, to be its “Vice President of Athlete Health and Performance.” This seems like a high-falutin’ and more than faintly Orwellian title… » 4/06/15 9:22pm 4/06/15 9:22pm

It's Remarkably Easy To Beat NFL Drug Testing

If we’ve learned one thing from his trial...it’s that Aaron Hernandez probably killed a dude or three. But if we’ve learned a second thing from the trial, it’s that Aaron Hernandez smoked a lot of weed. Like, a ton of it, and all the time. Enough to keep even the largest fictional giant in a permanent chill state. And… » 4/06/15 11:35am 4/06/15 11:35am

How To Score Weed 

So you want to score some fresh weed, and you are not fortunate enough to live in one of those states that has made the sensible decision to decriminalize it. Congratulations: You’re cool, and you’ve come to the right place (within the wrong place). It’s not that hard to score bud with the right amount of finesse.… » 3/10/15 4:13pm 3/10/15 4:13pm

Even God Cheats: How Anderson Silva Shocked Us By Doing The Expected

The Nevada State Athletic Commission is a bumbling, soulless government agency, and so a strange agent for the delivery of the message that our gods have forsaken us. They never have been particularly diligent messengers in any event, but for whatever reason—bureaucracy, incompetence, something more nefarious—they… » 2/19/15 9:15pm 2/19/15 9:15pm

This Big A-Rod Profile Might Actually Make You Feel Bad For A-Rod

J.R. Moehringer has a huge feature about Alex Rodriguez on ESPN.com today. It's a well-reported, in-depth look at everything Rodriguez has been up to since being banned from baseball for 162 games for using PEDs. There's a lot going on in the story, and you should really read the whole thing, but perhaps most… » 2/18/15 10:42am 2/18/15 10:42am

MLB Tipped Off The Feds About Biogenesis

In its pursuit of PED-using players, MLB worked more closely with federal agents than anyone realized, according to new documents obtained by Newsday. They show that it was MLB that first informed the DEA about Biogenesis, even as the league sought to protect clinic owner Tony Bosch so his evidence could be used to… » 11/14/14 10:14am 11/14/14 10:14am

NFL And NFLPA Agree To New PED Policy; Wes Welker And Others Reinstated

The NFL and the player's association have finally agreed on a new performance-enhancing drug testing policy. Under the new guidelines, HGH testing will be immediately implemented, and a few players who were suspended under the old policy will be free to rejoin their teams and play this Sunday. » 9/17/14 11:42am 9/17/14 11:42am

Reports: The NFL's Drug Policy Could Become A Lot More Logical

Pro Football Talk reported last night that the NFL and the players are "very close" to a sweeping overhaul of the league's drug policy and procedures, one that may or may not include the long-debated HGH testing. But multiple sources are reporting other changes, ones that if they had been in place over the last year… » 9/04/14 2:25pm 9/04/14 2:25pm

Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount Arrested; Pot Charges Expected

Steelers running backs Le'Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount (shut up) were arrested in Ross Township, Pennsylvania and are expected to be charged with possession of marijuana. A motorcycle cop reportedly smelled weed from the car they and another unidentified female were in and pulled them over. Bell was driving and is… » 8/20/14 9:05pm 8/20/14 9:05pm

Orlando Scandrick Got Boned By The NFL's Stupid Drug Testing Policy

Dallas Cowboys cornerback Orlando Scandrick has been suspended for the first four games of the season after testing positive for PEDs. This is dumb, because while Scandrick did have drugs in his system when he was tested, if his version of events is true, there's no way that the drugs he took should have been… » 8/12/14 11:33am 8/12/14 11:33am

Report: NFL Drug Testing Is Screwed Up And Screwed Josh Gordon

Mike Florio at Pro Football Talk has some very interesting details about Josh Gordon's failed marijuana test that has him facing a full-season suspension. And if it's true, the NFL's drug testing procedure is more messed up than we could have imagined—and Josh Gordon doesn't deserve a suspension. » 7/29/14 2:59pm 7/29/14 2:59pm